Chapter 25 – the health and safety inspection
Azula arrived at the restaurant on Tuesday morning brimming with newfound energy and good vibes. They had spent the Monday night at the forest cabin before taking a very early drive back to Caldera. Monday had been yet another wild and crazy day, but fortunately, the other girls were holding on (if only barely) to their promise to take things slowly. Of course, Azula was actually very conflicted about taking things slowly, and a part of her wanted to jump into this new and exciting thing the logistics of which nobody had figured out yet. Still, Azula felt like insisting to take things slowly was the right thing, and so calling on all of her worn down willpower, she had done just that.
Still, even when trying to restrain themselves, their little group couldn't stop being all flirty with each other the whole time, and being tipsy and high as kites for the majority of their mini vacation only encouraged all this exciting flirting. Azula had already made the decision to rent the cottage for the next weekend as well, something that she knew the other girls would support fiercely.
Back at work, Azula immediately felt a lot less tense now that she had talked things out with her charming coworkers. Not having a freakout every time one of the other girls said or did something a little suggestive was definitely going to make her stay at The Northern Lights a lot less frustrating. And even if this new understanding between them carried with it an uncertainty of its own, it was also something exciting to look forward to. It helped that despite being a paranoid and suspicious person at heart, Azula had never caught even a whiff of deception from Katara, Suki or Yue, so the necessary trust was already there.
With less than an hour before opening for the lunch service, Azula's first order of business was to quickly do the rounds to make sure that they got this new week off to a good start. Suki and Toph were in the kitchen, busy prepping. Aang had already finished his prep and Katara was now busy interrogating him, trying to learn whatever she could about Aang's new hobby, but the Air Nation boy was being evasive. Azula soon lost interest in that conversation, instead heading off to find Sokka and Yue. She was a little surprised to find them in the manager's office, with Yue speaking with a raised voice.
"Hey, is everything alright in here?" Azula decided to enter the office and intervene, despite her natural inclination to avoid other people's drama. It was so weird how invested she was becoming in the lives of these people she never expected to care about. "How was your Monday with Kya and Ty Lee?" she looked at Sokka. "Did you have fun? Luckily for you, the Wi-Fi at the cottage was very spotty and Yue couldn't demand updates every ten minutes."
"I would never do that!" Yue protested. "And yes, they apparently had a very fun Monday. Too much fun, if you ask me!"
"What does she mean by that?" Azula asked Sokka.
"Some oversights may have been made," Sokka sighed.
"I had to listen to my almost four-year-old daughter at the breakfast table talking about fluffy and fuzzy fantasy creatures shooting and blowing up each other," Yue grumbled. "Apparently they're also enslaving one another and then putting the slaves to work in the mines."
"The whole thing was an accident, really," Sokka replied defensively. "I was going to make dinner for us, and Ty Lee said that she would distract Kya with a child appropriate video game. I guess I didn't look too closely because at the first glance it looked like one of those obnoxiously cute Pokémon games. It figured that Ty Lee would be playing one of those."
"Wait, was Ty Lee playing Palworld instead?" Azula began to laugh. "What an icon."
"It's not funny, Azula," Yue frowned. "That game is rated PEGI 12. I don't want Kya exposed to fuzzy creatures killing and enslaving each other."
"Of course, that's understandable," Azula said quickly. She didn't exactly believe that Kya would be traumatized for life by the cute and fuzzy pals blowing each other up, but she conceded that Yue had the right to raise her child the way she wanted. "Sokka, you have to realize that Ty Lee doesn't have a very good idea of what's appropriate for kids and what isn't. Sometimes, she will require just as much oversight as Kya."
"She's not that bad," Sokka chuckled. "We didn't have any other mishaps the whole day, so I think overall we did well. And important lessons were learned."
"I should hope so," Yue said, softening a little bit. "Anyway, Azula, how do you know about this Palworld game? Don't tell me you're a gamer?"
"Not a serious one, but I dabble," Azula shrugged. "You don't want to know how many hours I've spent in flights all over the world. And I can't sleep on a plane. The best distraction is to fire up my handheld and just kill something for hours."
"That actually makes a lot of sense," Sokka nodded. "Anyway, how was your mini vacation?"
"It was pretty good," Azula smiled, exchanging a quick look with Yue. "Well, except that time when we got lost in the forest." They both burst into laughter.
"How did that happen?" Sokka blinked. "Sounds like there's a story behind it."
"You could say that," Yue chuckled. "We had a very lazy Monday morning, drinking, eating unhealthy snacks and playing all sorts of games, but come the afternoon we became restless and decided to go for a walk…"
"I think we should do some rotation of our appetizers," Suki said, walking side by side with Azula, with Katara and Yue ahead of them as they made their way alongside a bubbling forest creek.
"What are you thinking about, Suki?" Azula asked. She was having some difficulties focusing on the conversation because of all the THC and alcohol in her system. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to crack open two more wine bottles over breakfast, but they were on holiday and having fun was mandatory.
"I don't have our sales numbers, but you probably know them by heart," Suki said. "Still, I have a pretty good idea from what I see going out. The soups are all selling well, and so are the fish cakes. And who can go for more than a week without a garlic ciabatta?"
"Well, we already took out the chicken goujons and added a proper chicken dish," Azula replied. "It was clear that everyone wanted a chicken entrée."
"True, but I think you know there's one appetizer that's underperforming," Suki continued. "I'm talking about the breaded-" she suddenly slipped on a smooth and wet rock at the side of the creek, managing to steady herself at the last moment before taking a plunge in the crystal-clear and icy cold water.
"Camembert?" Azula asked.
"There's a bear?" Katara suddenly spoke up, looking around and appearing very nervous. "Where is it? Where's the bear?"
"A bear?" Yue looked on the verge of panic as she looked behind them and let out a shrill scream. "There! I saw something move!" she exclaimed. "It's a bear, run for your lives!"
Azula found herself oddly frozen with her legs turned to lead as she watched Katara and Suki take off down the forest path. She would have probably remained there, frozen and becoming a bear snack if not for Yue, grabbing her hand and pulling her along as they broke into a mad dash for what felt like an eternity. They were eventually forced to stop because they ran out of breath, finding themselves in thick underbrush, way off the beaten path.
"I think we gave that bear a slip," Yue managed while gasping for breath. "That was close, though."
"Too close," Azula nodded. "It's a good thing you and Kat spotted it in time."
"What?" Yue blinked. "You saw it first, didn't you?"
"Huh?" Azula asked, feeling very confused. "I didn't see any bears."
"But you were the first to call out?" Yue frowned. "I heard you say, come on, bear!"
"I didn't… wait-" Azula seized up, starting to laugh uncontrollably. "I said camembert, not come on, bear!" Yue stared at her with wide eyes before also starting to laugh.
"Oops," Yue giggled. "And now we're totally lost in the forest." She looked at her phone. "I've got no bars."
Azula looked at her own phone even if she already knew the answer. "Same," she shrugged. "Anyway, we're high as kites and drunk, so it should be easy to find our way back to the cottage."
"Exactly, so let's go," Yue grinned.
"How are you two not dead?" Sokka asked, giving Azula and Yue incredulous stares.
"I'm not exactly sure," Yue shrugged. "We wandered around the forest for some… three hours?" she said, looking at Azula.
"Closer to four," Azula sighed.
"So, you were giving me this big lecture about letting Kya watch Ty Lee play violent video games, while you got lost in the forest and almost robbed Kya of her mother?" Sokka said.
"Look, it sounds bad when you put it like that, so… could you please not put it like that?" Yue sighed, looking a little guilty.
"Right, so did you finally get reception? Suki and Katara found you?" Sokka continued to prod.
"Not exactly," Azula said, glancing at Yue and letting her explain.
"It was actually really funny," Yue giggled. "It was getting dark and we were starting to give up hope of finding the cottage or being found. So, we embraced and comforted each other that at least we're going to meet the end together. And then Suki and Katara came out of the cottage and asked us if we'd like to join them inside instead of standing outside just next to the porch and being a pair of dramatic bitches."
"We must have still been pretty high when we wandered up to the cottage without noticing it," Azula sighed, feeling a bit annoyed as she watched Sokka dying from laughter. "Mind you, that bright porch light should have been a dead giveaway, but for some reason I decided that it was the moon."
"Same," Yue was laughing so hard that she was starting to tear up.
"Well, it's not like Katara and Suki were much better," Azula sighed. "When they realized that we had become separated, they lit up another joint to calm down and stop stressing about it. They could have called the emergency services, but because they were so high, they couldn't remember the new phone number for emergencies."
"It's a tough one to remember, mind you," Yue said. "0118 999 881 999 119 725? Who can recall that, especially when high?"
"Agni, you misremembered," Azula glared at Yue. "It's 0118 999 881 999 119 7253. You would be so dead if you ever got into an accident! You really should-" Azula had to cut her rant short because her phone suddenly buzzed and yelled 'It's RAW!' at her. "Oh, shit," Azula paled. "That's a message from my father."
"Is that 'It's RAW!' only for text messages from Ozai?" Sokka laughed. Azula nodded, already busy reading the text. "That's actually fitting," Sokka said, but Azula was no longer listening.
"Okay, this is potentially bad news," Azula sighed, having read the text. "Yue, please tell the others to gather in the dining room for an emergency meeting." Yue paled slightly before running out of the office. Within a few minutes, everyone had gathered in the dining room, giving Azula worried and expectant stares, waiting for her to speak up.
"Alright, it seems that even though that story with the dead rat didn't blow up as much as Zuko hoped it would, my father has still caught wind of what he calls a shameful scandal," Azula began to explain. "The silver lining to this disaster is that he has also found out about the mice issues plaguing Zuko's restaurant, so he's equally pissed off with both of us."
"Well, that's a wash then," Toph shrugged. "Doesn't seem like a reason for concern?"
"Ah, but I wasn't done yet, Toph," Azula said. "My father has contacts everywhere, including health and safety boards all over the world. He has been in touch with the Caldera City officials. At some point during this week, both our and Zuko's restaurant will receive a visit from a health and safety inspector."
"Mildly irritating," Sokka said. "But we have cleaned up the dead rat and I don't think we have any other hygiene issues?"
"That may be so, Sokka, but father has also sent the same text to Zuko," Azula explained. "It means that Zuko will probably try to somehow sabotage us again just in time for the visit of this inspector. This is why I want all of you to be extra watchful this week. If you notice something weird going on around the restaurant, such as a customer behaving weirdly, let me know immediately."
"That sounds stressful," Katara sighed. "But we'll do our best."
"I know you will," Azula smiled. "However, now that I've thought about it some more, I recognize that while this is a nuisance, it is also an opportunity."
"How do you mean that?" Suki asked.
"Well," Azula clicked her tongue. "Zuko may attempt to sabotage us, but that won't stop me from sabotaging him in return. Indeed, it's time to come up with another clever plan to remind Zuko of his place in the pecking order."
"Listen up, gang," Zuko addressed the crew of The Blue Spirit, gathered in the restaurant's dining room, giving him attentive stares. "I have received an important message from my father. He informed me that at some unspecified point this week, we will receive a visit from the local health and safety inspector. Before Azula and I took up our current positions, father warned us that he would be constantly arranging various tests for us. This is surely the first of many such tests."
"How do you know it's the first test?" Mai asked casually. "Maybe it's only the first test that Ozai decided to tell you about."
Zuko blinked at Mai's words, feeling cold dread momentarily passing through him. Then he shook himself, trying to regain his composure. "Well, if you're right, then it's not worth worrying about, because we can't do anything about it," Zuko rallied. "But we can prepare for this visit of the health and safety inspector."
"Damn, the timing isn't good," Ty Lee winced. "We still haven't rounded up the last of those darned mice. Every now and then when I go into the storage rooms, I see one or two of them scurrying about."
"Painful," Zuko sighed. "That exterminator was a complete clown. Make sure we're not paying him a cent, Mai."
"Alright," Mai rolled her eyes. "We weren't going to pay him anything to begin with because you hired a homeless guy to catch all the mice in exchange for a meal. Since you decided that the rates charged by the real exterminator were complete extortion."
"Right, so… you're saying I should have paid the real exterminator?" Zuko asked. Mai didn't say anything, but she looked like she was in severe pain. "Anyway, we can bounce back from this. I know our little crew thrives on crisis, and believe me, this definitely counts as a crisis. But we'll come out of it stronger! Anyway, I have some new orders for all of you."
"Orders which you for some reason didn't share with your restaurant's co-owner ahead of this meeting," Mai said, looking annoyed and making Zuko feel a little worried that he had done something to earn his girlfriend's ire.
"Well, it's just a few extra things that shouldn't interfere with our regular duties," Zuko tried to placate Mai's visible annoyance. "Ty Lee and Jin," he began, looking at his two waitresses. "You're holding the fort at the front of the house. Be on a lookout for any suspicious customers, carrying big bags or any weird items. We don't want anyone bringing in extra mice. As things stand, we already have enough rodents. And be very vigilant! I'm sure that Azula will try some tricks to sabotage us ahead of the inspector's visit."
"Oh, did you hear that, Jin?" Ty Lee grinned at her fellow waitress. "We get to do some spying on our customers, like real sleuths!"
"That's so exciting!" Jin gasped. "It's like being on Charles Stiles: Mystery Diners, only in reverse where we spy on the customers! Hey, do you think we could get an obnoxiously loud spy drone that crashes to the ground at the most inopportune moment?"
"Umm, maybe we shouldn't get too carried away with drones," Zuko sighed. "Anyway, moving on. Ruon Jian?" Mai's obnoxious assistant looked up at Zuko, giving him an indifferent stare. "I'm putting you in charge of containing the mice situation at the restaurant. You should have more than enough time for it, since nobody can explain to me what it is that you actually do around here."
"I bring the intangibles, Zuko. I'm like the invisible glue that holds this place together," Ruon Jian replied proudly and nonsensically. "But sure, I'll take care of the mice. I actually have the perfect solution. My grandma's cat is possibly the best mouser in all existence. I'll try to talk my gran into letting me leave Killer at the restaurant for a few nights and all our problems will be history!"
"Alright, at least the cat has a promising name," Zuko said, feeling a little more hopeful. "Let's hope he lives up to it."
"Oh, he will," Ruon Jian said proudly. "Killer is probably the most aggressive and territorial cat in existence. This will work out perfectly."
"Excellent," Zuko rubbed his hands. "Also, you're in charge of disposing of all the mice droppings around the place. If the inspector sees any mice poo, it'll be curtains for us."
Ruon Jian looked less happy at that order, giving Mai a pleading stare. "Zuko's right, I'm afraid," Mai shrugged helplessly. "It's an important task. We don't want to be brought down because of a few mice droppings." Ruon Jian pouted but raised no further protests.
"On Ji, you might have to pull some solo services during the week, but I'll try to make things as easy for you as possible," Zuko continued. "I'll do some extra prep and cook everything that can be cooked ahead of time."
"Alright, but what will you be doing?" On Ji asked, not looking overly happy.
"Well, since I'm almost certain that Azula will try to sabotage us, I think it is only fair that we try to sabotage her in return," Zuko announced. "To that end, Jet and I have been making plans."
"Why am I not surprised?" Mai sighed, looking rather annoyed once again. "Anyway, what are your orders for me, Zuko?"
Zuko froze, not having expected the question. For some reason, he had assumed that Mai would want to be left out of this whole deal, just because she often acted disinterested. "Umm… I guess you could help me and Jet carry out the sabotage?" Zuko suggested.
"I thought that could be our thing, though," Jet complained in a whiny voice.
"You know, I just might help you with that," Mai said, suddenly looking a lot more invested. "I don't particularly care about your feud with Azula, but I don't mind a little competition now and then. And I actually agree that she's bound to try and sabotage us, that's just how Azula operates. So, let's try and beat her to the punch."
"Brilliant," Zuko grinned, feeling pleased. It was weird that Jet looked so disappointed about this turn of events, though. Jet had recently spent a lot of time pointing out to Zuko how he and Mai were rarely on the same page, especially where it concerned Zuko's relationship with Azula. Zuko would have assumed that Jet would be happy about him and Mai getting back on the same page.
"So, what is your plan to sabotage Azula, anyway?" Mai asked.
"Oh, we were going to get a jar of roaches and release them in The Northern Lights later tonight," Zuko grinned evilly.
"Roaches?" Mai groaned, looking disgusted. "Sorry, but I think I'll just go back to not involving myself in this affair. Call me again when your plans to sabotage Azula don't involve something as horrible as a jar of roaches."
"Alright… I guess it'll be up to Jet and me, then," Zuko sighed, feeling disappointed. Mai also looked very unhappy, which was in sharp contrast with the victorious looking Jet. "Alright, we all have our orders. Operation Insect Warfare is a go!"
"Alright, here we are," Azula said, turning around to face her three fellow conspirators. They were standing in the dark alleyway running behind The Blue Spirit, facing the back entrance of Zuko's restaurant. Azula and Suki both had jars full of sugar ants in their hands. Obviously, Azula had chosen a species of ant that emitted a particularly foul odor in case Zuko and his staff began to crush the scurrying insects.
"This is so exciting," Yue giggled, bouncing from excitement. "I feel like a hardened criminal!"
"Well, you're not exactly acting like a hardened criminal," Azula smirked. "I don't think hardened criminals bounce in excitement like that."
"At least our outfits are spot on," Katara said, assuming a stealthy pose. They were all wearing ninja outfits, because as was common knowledge, wearing black and obscuring your face was the best way to avert suspicion and remain undetected.
"We are definitely making them work," Azula admitted. The ninja outfits were very form fitting in a flattering way, so it was very hard not to get distracted staring at her three gorgeous companions. "Although, I still think there was no reason for you two to come, especially when you refused to carry the ant jars," she glared at Katara and Yue. "Also, I'm still a little mad about what happened with your sommelier training."
"Oh, come on," Katara frowned. "You can't blame us for not taking that guy seriously. He never noticed when we swapped the bottles and he couldn't tell his fancy three hundred dollar a bottle red wine from something everyone can pick up at the nearest gas station for a fiver."
"I see your point, but you didn't have to mock the man," Azula didn't let go.
"He deserved it for being such a snob," Yue said, shaking her head. "This wine has an earthy flavor," she said, mimicking the wine expert's voice. "Does that mean it tastes of mud?"
"It's silly how he used all those big words to describe wine in a way that was completely useless and uninformative," Katara nodded in agreement. "What does it mean when a wine is smooth? That it doesn't fight you on its way down? And what's a complex bouquet of flavors? Complex is just another word for confusing, so it's hardly an endorsement."
"You are so on fire, Kat," Yue exclaimed approvingly. "I have watched several YouTube videos exposing these so-called experts. This guy just proved how right those YouTube creators are."
"Agni, preserve me," Azula sighed, facepalming. "Obviously, wine experts in a way are scam artists. But you weren't supposed to expose or lay into the guy! I just wanted you to learn the scam because that's what the customers expect! Our customers don't want to hear things like here's your crushed grape drink, there's really nothing special about it, it's just tasty and gives you a nice warm buzz! I just wanted you to learn sommelier jargon, you frustrating gooses."
"Oh," Katara chuckled, exchanging stares with Yue. "Do you think you could ask him to come back?" she asked bashfully.
"Never mind," Azula sighed. "I'll find someone else. Truth be told, this guy was a bit too full of himself, so maybe he just wasn't a good fit for you. Anyway, we are getting sidetracked. We're here to sabotage Zuko, not to talk wine bullshit."
"Well, if we're going to sabotage Zuko, we need to find a way inside, and the door is locked," Suki said. "Is this where you reveal that you're also a master thief, capable of doing that lockpicking thing with a hairpin?"
"Hmm," Azula hummed thoughtfully. "Would that impress you?" The other girls all nodded earnestly. "Well, in that case I need to learn lockpicking. For now, I thought we could just use the key?" she asked, producing a bunch of shiny and newly made keys.
"Where did you get the keys from Zuko's restaurant?" Suki gasped.
"Oh, I had them made almost a week ago," Azula replied smugly. "When I was hanging out with Mai and Ty Lee, I happened to borrow Ty Lee's purse. Then I ducked into the ladies' room and made impressions of all the keys in her keychain. One of them should be a fit for the backdoor."
"How sneaky!" Katara looked very impressed. "I hope Ty Lee won't be mad at you."
"Oh, that kind of thing is more or less expected when we're competing against each other," Azula shrugged, not feeling worried. Ty Lee was too easygoing to hold a grudge over something so insignificant. "Anyway, let's try those keys," Azula said, trying to hand the jar of ants over to Katara at first, then Yue, but both Water Tribe girls refused to touch the jars. Azula sighed, placing the jar on the ground and then trying one key after another, until eventually one of them turned out to be a perfect fit and the doors opened with a light creak.
"Girls, if you're not going to help with the ants, could you at least make yourselves useful and provide some light?" Suki asked as they entered the dark and cramped back entrance of The Blue Spirit. Katara and Yue grumbled for a bit before enabling the torchlights on their phones, making it easier to navigate the rival restaurant.
"This looks like a good spot," Azula said, peeking into what looked like a chaotic and disorganized pantry. "Suki, you release your ants here. I'll go ahead and empty my jar in the kitchen."
"Kat, stay with me, I'll need the light. Yue can go with Azula," Suki said, seeing that both Katara and Yue had moved to follow Azula. Katara made a face at Suki's suggestion, but decided to stay behind without any further comments. If Azula didn't know how chill everyone was about their hooking up agreement, she would have assumed that some seeds of jealousy were starting to grow, but since it was a ridiculous thought, Azula quickly dismissed it.
With Yue providing light, they soon managed to track down the kitchen of The Blue Spirit. It was even smaller than the one at The Northern Lights, making Azula wonder how Zuko could even work in a cramped space like this. Everything was clean and tidy, however, making Azula experience a momentary flash of regret about ruining the tidiness by releasing a swarm of sugar ants in the kitchen. Still, feeling certain that Zuko would not hesitate to sabotage her, Azula steeled herself and began to look around for the best place where to discreetly release the ants. She was interrupted by an odd and slightly concerning sound coming from somewhere very close. It sounded like a cat's yowl, only somehow unusually threatening.
"What was that?" Azula asked nervously. "Tell me you heard it."
"I did," Yue replied. Azula could feel her trembling slightly as Yue pressed closer against her. "I think it came from over there," she nodded towards the far corner of the kitchen, directing the light from her cellphone over to the corner and revealing a hunched creature, staring them down.
"Oh, thank goodness," Yue immediately relaxed. "It's just a cat." She bent low, calling out to the cat. "Here kitty, kitty! Pspspspsps!"
"Wait," Azula reached out with her free hand, pulling Yue back. "I don't like the looks of that cat," she spoke warningly. Azula was a die-hard member of Team Cat, but this particular feline was giving her very bad vibes. "There's something off about it."
"Azula, don't be silly, it's just a cat," Yue chuckled. "It's probably scared of us."
"I don't think so," Azula shook her head. "Switch off the torch for a moment."
"What?" Yue blinked. "Okay…" Yue eventually did as Azula asked. The kitchen was now pitch dark as they looked over at the corner where the cat was sitting, glaring at them.
"Oh shit," Azula gasped, seeing a pair of glowing red orbs focused on her. "I told you there was something seriously wrong with that cat!" The cat clearly confirmed Azula's worst fears by starting to not only yowl loudly, but also hiss at them menacingly.
"Help! It's a demon-possessed cat!" Yue lost her nerve and wrapped her arms around Azula in panic. Unfortunately, it also made Azula drop the jar of ants and it exploded at their feet, releasing a swarm of crawling insects.
"Fuck!" Azula cursed. "Run for it!" she shouted, grabbing Yue's arm and pulling her along as they dashed for the exit, in similar rush than only a day ago while running from the imaginary camembert bear. In their haste, Azula and Yue bowled over Suki and Katara at the exit, making Suki drop and smash her jar as well. Fortunately, she had already managed to empty it, but they all still looked a little roughed up as they finally made their way back outside, having created way too much ruckus for Azula's liking.
"What's with the hasty retreat?" Suki complained.
"We were attacked… by a cat," Yue explained while Azula was busy locking the back door. "It might have been evil," Yue added after Katara and Suki burst into laughter.
"I don't know about evil, but it was either demonic or had rabies," Azula said. "Anyway, I guess that's that, mission accomplished, even if it was a bit of a bumpy ride."
"I suppose those broken jars will look very incriminating," Katara noted.
"True, but there's nothing we can do about that now," Azula said. Suki looked like she was about to say something, but Azula gave her a stern stare. "Trust me, Suki, you don't want to tangle with that cat. You really don't."
"If you say so, Azula," Suki grinned.
"Annoyingly, Zuko will probably change the locks after this incident. Oh well, I can always steal the new keys from Ty Lee again," Azula shrugged. "Anyway, round of drinks at my place to celebrate the successful mission?" she asked, earning only excited nods in response.
"Damn, it's locked," Zuko sighed, having tried the back door leading into The Northern Lights restaurant.
"I think it's normal for businesses to lock up for the night, Zuko," Jet shrugged, standing behind his partner in crime and holding a large jar of live roaches in his hands. "I don't know what you were expecting."
"Well, I'm sure you have a key, so this shouldn't be a problem," Zuko replied hopefully.
"Sure, I have a key, I just don't expect it to fit," Jet sighed, carefully placing the jar on the ground. "Azula is many things, but she's not stupid. She would have told Sokka to change all the locks… and see, this lock is clearly new. It's not really worth even trying the keys."
"Just pick the lock, then," Zuko suggested.
"What do you mean, just pick the lock?" Jet bristled. "I'm not some character in a lame role-playing game. People just don't go about randomly picking locks, Zuko."
"So, you're saying you can't pick the lock," Zuko frowned. Jet sighed heavily. "Disappointing," Zuko tutted.
"I suppose we can always break the window and pour the roaches in?" Jet suggested.
"No, someone might hear that," Zuko shook his head. "You said that the owners live above the restaurant, which means that we have to be very subtle." Zuko thought for a moment and sure enough, a brilliant idea was just around the corner. "There's a visible gap under the doors," he said. "If you hold the jar against the doors, then most of the roaches should pass through the gap and into the restaurant."
"Yes, and those that don't will crawl on me," Jet frowned.
"Can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, Jet," Zuko pointed out. "Besides, don't tell me that you're afraid of a few tiny bugs," Zuko said, climbing on top of a nearby crate, totally not because he was afraid of getting some roaches on himself.
"Why'd you climb on that crate?" Jet narrowed his eyes at Zuko.
"Because… because I was going to inspire you with a speech on why we must destroy Azula," Zuko rallied. In the dim light of the back alley, illuminated by the blinking light above the entrance, Zuko thought that he cut a particularly dramatic figure as he raised his fist against the night sky. "Beware, Azula, my wretched sibling, for the hour of reckoning is upon thee!" Zuko pronounced. "You will pay for your many transgressions against me, like that one time when I was in fourth grade and you placed all those sharp Lego pieces around my bed like a trap. One of them went right into my heel and it really, really hurt! For that, you will be visited upon by a plague of roaches!"
"Is this your idea of being subtle?" Jet smirked, looking up at Zuko while getting ready to release the roaches.
"I was just trying to provide inspiration," Zuko shrugged. "Are you feeling inspired?"
"Very," Jet chuckled. "You know, I really do a lot for you, Zuko. Some would say that maybe I deserve some kind of a reward," Jet winked at him. Or at least Zuko thought that it was a wink, but perhaps it was simply a nervous tick, something that Zuko often observed in people after they had spent a certain amount of time around him.
"We can discuss that after you have released the roaches," Zuko said.
"Alright, here goes," Jet said, removing the lid as soon as the jar was in place against the doors. The roaches poured out a lot faster than they had expected, and also, they didn't appear very motivated to go through the tiny gap under the doors. Soon enough, they were starting to swarm Jet and he lost his nerve, jumping several paces back from the doors.
"They're not going inside!" Zuko exclaimed angrily. "Do something! I don't know, shoo them!" he added helplessly.
"Shoo them?" Jet asked incredulously. Some of the roaches were catching up to him and he used the side of his boot to push them back. It seemed to work, so Jet tried to use the same technique to push more roaches through the gap under the doors.
"Careful, you're crushing them!" Zuko warned. Jet reluctantly removed his foot and backed away again, leaving behind a battlefield covered in dozens of crushed roaches. "Ugh, did at least some of them get into the restaurant?" Zuko groaned.
"I counted at least five or six," Jet said. "Hopefully, that'll be enough."
"Hopefully," Zuko sighed. "Well, we certainly scored a decisive victory over the roaches. Most of them are either dead or fleeing. Unfortunately defeating the roaches wasn't really our goal."
"I think we're still good," Jet tried to appear cheerful while wiping his boot clean from roach viscera. "They multiply like crazy. By the time the inspector shows up, Azula and Katara will be dealing with a horrendous roach infestation."
"Sounds good to me," Zuko perked up. Perhaps this wasn't a total waste, after all, and Azula would still get her comeuppance.
"Anyway," Jet said as they turned to leave the back alley. "How about we hit some pub and drink until this pathetic performance starts to feel like an amazing success?"
"I see nothing wrong with this idea," Zuko was only too happy to agree.
The health and safety inspector arrived at The Northern Lights during Thursday's lunch service. Even though Katara and Sokka had both agreed to show the inspector around, taking on their responsibility as owners, Azula insisted on handling the matter all by herself. This inspection had been arranged by her father, and so Azula wanted to be the one in charge as they hopefully passed it with flying colors.
Azula definitely felt very confident ahead of the inspector's arrival. It seemed that either Zuko had not even tried to sabotage them, or he had utterly failed in his attempt, because everything at the restaurant appeared completely normal. The inspector, a stern looking woman in her forties with her hair pulled back in what looked like a painfully tight bun, certainly looked impressed as Azula led her on a comprehensive tour around the restaurant. It seemed that her father had insisted that a very thorough examination was performed, because the woman certainly took her time in the kitchen, poking and probing around every corner, and fortunately walking away satisfied.
"And this is where all the goods that don't require refrigeration are stored," Azula explained as she led the health and safety inspector downstairs and into the basement. "As you can see, Miss Alyth, everything is neatly and tidily arranged."
"I can see that, yes," the inspector, Alyth, nodded agreeably. "I must say, I'm quite impressed with the state of the restaurant, Azula. I have been here during some of our routine inspections in the past, and I have never seen the place this tidy. I don't know your father personally, but I have heard of his legendary work ethic. It seems as if he has passed these important values right down to you."
"Thank you, Miss Alyth," Azula replied. She was about to lay more flattery on the inspector, but at that moment, Azula saw something on the wall behind the other woman's back that made her freeze in terror. A treacherous roach sat on the wall, wriggling its antennae at Azula and looking extremely pleased with itself.
"Is something the matter, Azula?" the inspector gave her a concerned stare after Azula had gone completely stiff. The other woman was about to turn around and look at where Azula was staring, forcing Azula to reach out and grab Alyth's hand in panic.
"Yes, I…" Azula began, her mind racing as she tried to think of some way to distract the woman and get her to leave without somehow spotting the traitorous roach who clearly did not intend to scurry off. Azula knew that she couldn't let Katara and Sokka down by failing this inspection, but even more importantly, she couldn't afford to fail because it would both disappoint and anger her father, and Azula felt terrified just from that thought alone. "I need to tell you something important," Azula said, having managed to pull herself together.
"Yes, what is it, Azula?" the older woman asked, giving her an encouraging smile. Her expression changed to slightly perplexed when Azula reached out and took her hand, though.
"I know this will sound crazy and very sudden, but," Azula began, taking a deep breath. "In the short time I've come to know you, I've fallen completely head over heels in love with you."
"What?" Alyth's eyes bulged out of their sockets. "But… but that's madness!"
"I know, but the truth is that I can't imagine living without you!" Azula declared dramatically, leaning in as if to kiss the other woman. Alyth shook off Azula's hands, turned around and quickly bolted upstairs with an astonished look on her face. Azula sighed, shaking her head and wondering what had possessed her to do what she had just done. She could only hope that Alyth would feel too embarrassed to share what had happened and the story would never make its way back to her father.
Before returning upstairs, Azula took out some of her frustrations on the annoying roach by smearing it against the wall. Then, hoping that Alyth would have left in a hurry, Azula climbed the stairs to catch up with Sokka and Katara in the dining room. Fortunately, there was no sign of the health and safety inspector.
"What happened with the inspector?" Katara asked, looking very surprised. "She literally flew out of here!"
"Uh, what happened doesn't really matter, as long as we passed the inspection, right?" Azula gulped. "I mean… I assume we passed. Did she say anything about that?"
"Yes, she yelled something about forwarding us all the paperwork later," Sokka shrugged. "I don't know what you said to her, but it must have been very convincing."
"Yes, that's me, being very convincing," Azula muttered, feeling her cheeks burn. Katara was giving her a slightly odd stare, but Azula really didn't feel like explaining, at least not now. Perhaps at some point later, when she was high as a kite and tipsy, Azula would probably end up sharing this embarrassing story. "Anyway, the most important thing is that we passed the inspection. Let's focus on that as we address the second most important thing."
"And what is that?" Katara asked.
"To call the exterminator, because we have a fucking roach problem," Azula sighed. "That sneaky little asshole Zuko got us after all…"
"So, how goes the inspection?" Zuko turned around to see Jet walking up to him with his usual mildly annoying swagger.
"Oh, brilliantly," Zuko replied, keeping one eye on the elderly inspector currently going through the walk-in freezer nearby. "Of course, instead of being here and helping me take care of this inspection, Mai is at the police station, trying to get Jin and Ty Lee released without them pressing charges."
"Well, you probably should have realized that they would be completely insane about this whole plan to treat our customers as potential saboteurs and spy on them," Jet pointed out. "Jin in particular was always going to pick a fight with someone."
"I suppose I did walk into that one," Zuko admitted. It was true that Jin took her loyalty to him and to the restaurant a little too far, and he probably should have seen this incident coming. "Also, Ruon Jian is still trying to find his bloody cat, while the inspector is already here. So, that's not great. That cat should have been gone yesterday. And lastly, On Ji is refusing to work until we have solved the ant issue and the exterminator is mad at me for calling his prices extortionist, so he's only coming in during the weekend, which was always going to be too late."
"Sounds like things are going great, then," Jet rolled his eyes. "Elmer Fudd here hasn't spotted the ants yet, though?" he asked, pointing at the inspector, too immersed in examining the freezer to pay their chatter any notice. "He might be a bit short-sighted."
"Given our luck, I'm sure he'll notice the ants at the very last moment before leaving," Zuko snorted.
"I'm done with the freezer," Elmer Fudd called out to them. "Everything looks nice and tidy. I'll just check the storage further down the hall."
"Go ahead and help yourself," Zuko shrugged. "You won't find anything interesting in there."
"I'm going to take a look all the same," the elderly inspector sounded resolute. "Some of those lockers looked promising."
"What does he expect to find in there?" Jet wondered.
"Beats me," Zuko shrugged again. "But clearly, my father has asked them to perform a very thorough inspection at my restaurant, while probably letting Azula off easy. Still, I'm going to enjoy rubbing her face in it when I win this competition with the odds so unfairly stacked against me."
"I'm sure all those assumptions are completely valid and-" Jet was cut off mid-sentence by what sounded like a demon-possessed feline yowl, followed by the loud and pained screams of the health and safety inspector.
"I shouldn't have looked! I shouldn't have looked!" Elmer Fudd shouted, running past them in the hallway with a cat attached to his head, biting and scratching. "Help! Help! It's eating my face!" the hapless man screamed, in his panic rushing out of the restaurant and then crashing into an Omashu food cart parked outside in the street. Elmer Fudd went down in a heap, while the food cart also toppled over, squishing its owner underneath it and causing a general mayhem out on the street. In the middle of it all, Killer carved a bloody swathe through the crowd before escaping, much to Rion Jian's dismay as he chased after his grandma's precious pet.
"Well, I think that's the end of the health and safety inspection," Zuko shrugged.
"Aced it," Jet grinned, offering his fist for a bump. Zuko happily accepted the invitation. "Are you going to call the ambulance, or shall I?" Jet asked.
"Do it," Zuko nodded. "And don't forget to add 3 at the end when you're dialing. Remembering that new number for emergencies is such a pain in the ass."