Labor Pains Homer Jr/Hoju is born! And cameos from Hoju, the homosexual Jew. Meanwhile Lisa is chosen to cheer with some cheer leaders but finds their boss, Rich Texan is underpaying them and overworking them so she campaigns to get them fair rights as workers and unions etc.
Plot
The title gag is the Simpsons flying about in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with its sails out. Homer honks its horn.
Mr Burns flies after them in a hot air balloon as the Child Catcher.
The billboard gag is "Monday night football at Moe's. The screen is now clean." Oscar in a cherrypicker lift tags in red spray paint, the word American between Monday Night and Football so it says Monday night American Football.
Bart seethed. "It's just football!"
"No, a football is round..." said Oscar.
"And I'm also mad this episode is called Labor Pains! It should be called Conservative Pains!" He yelled. Oz that means you dislike Tories then... "D'oh!"
Bart grimaced baffled at him.
The chalkboard gag is "Rocktober is not followed by Blovember."
"Yes it is..." said Oscar holding a calendar he reprinted.
"Okay... Then what's December then..." Bart asked.
"Happy Christmas month!" said Oscar.
Bart winced.
The Couch Gag is the Simpsons as pilgrims fleeing town as their neighbours toss rocks at them. They get on the boat from the living room painting and sail to America.
"There were also giant rats..." said Pilgrim Oscar.
Homer face palmed. "No there wasn't."
Pilgrim Bart plays with his block of wood.
Along the way they encounter Moe as a sea monster, "Hey, how ya doing..."
God gets annoyed at Homer and Marge for having sex and makes a shame gesture at them, and they pass through a blizzard as the ship has ice on it when they arrive.
Upon arriving in America they see Apu as a red Indian when he's from India...
Lisa frowned.
Homer laughs.
"This is extremely racist!" Apu yelled.
"Quite so Apu..." Lisa frowned.
They all sit down to eat at the buffet of the first ever thanksgiving anyway.
...
The episode begins in the kitchen with Maggie looking at some pacifiers on the tray of her high chair and thinking.
"Oh! Come on. Just pick one." Marge sighed.
(sniffing) Maggie sniffed a green one from Binkie 182 then sucked on it before spitting it out in disgust.
"Oh. Fine, you can have your old one." Marge sighed. The dog was chewing it. "Ugh! Well lucky for you missy I buy multiple copies..." said Marge to Maggie. (Marge sighs) She opened a draw, there were loads of red pacifiers that resembled Maggie's usual pacifier. She got one out and put it in Maggie's mouth. Maggie sucked her pacifier content.
(Marge sighed.) "You can have one of these." she poured the pacifiers she was trying to get Maggie to try on the floor near the dog.
(sniffing) "Hmph!" The dog didn't want them.
"You think you have problems Mom..." Hugo sighed as he sat near Eric. Baby Eric Simpson had some pacifiers on his high chair tray too. He too was thinking. The blue haired baby boy hesitated.
"Come on Eric... pick one! Just pick one!" Hugo groaned frustrated.
Lisa and Bart came in. Marge served them their breakfast.
"Did you know some historians think American football is based on an ancient Aztec game?" Lisa asked.
"Kali ma shakti de! Xiuhpilli will rise again! (Nahuatl chanting)" Oscar was being insane again... He was wearing face paint and feathers while dressed as an Aztec priest.
Bart slapped him.
"Ow!"
"It's not American football, it's just football." Bart whined.
"American football! Kali ma! Kali maaaaaaaaaa! Kali Maaaaaaa!" Oscar yelled.
"Oz enough!" Bart yelled.
"Oz, Kali is Hindu! And she doesn't want hearts offered to her!" said Hugo.
"Well the Aztec sun god then." said Oscar.
"Bart, you're not annoyed that Milhouse asked me to go to the American football game instead of you?" Lisa asked smugly.
"Football!" Bart snapped.
"American Football! Montezuma's curse of diarrhoea be upon you! Kalalalalalihaaaaa!" Oscar as an Aztec priest yelled.
Mom, Lisa's ruining football!" Bart whined.
"American football!" Lisa and Oscar yelled.
Marge face palmed.
..
Homer came in and fetched a banana. "No time for breakfast, Marge. Just give me a banana."
(humming) He peeled the banana and put the edible part in the bin and stuffed rashers of bacon in the skin. "Now, listen. I have to work late tonight." said Homer slicing an orange in half and juicing it in the citrus juicer. Then he poured chocolate sauce into the orange half and drank it up.
Oscar screamed gibberish at him for doing this. "MALKAFOFET!"
Bart face palmed.
"Again? I was hoping you could spend some time with the kids." Marge sighed.
"It's a tough economy. Money doesn't grow on trees." said Homer.
"It will when Hugo's project is complete..." said Oscar looking unhinged.
"Oz, I cannot use science to make money grow on trees..." Hugo sighed.
"It grows on threes. (laughs)" said Homer in an apartment gambling with Moe, Lenny and Carl.
"Yeah, I'm out." said Moe folding.
"Me, too." said Carl.
"Too rich for my blood. I should not have anted with my blood." said Moe.
Dracula, a vampire, obviously... hissed and bared his fangs.
"Whew. You got the touch tonight, Homer." said Lenny wearing sunglasses.
(chuckles) "Homer laughed because he could see Lenny's cards in the reflection of his glasses. He was cheating!
"Nice sunglasses, Lenny." said Homer.
"Homer Simpson. Do you really want to keep cheating your friends, lying to your wife, and avoiding your kids?" said Homer's brain in monologue to Homer.
"What would Jesus do?" Homer asked.
Jesus was gambling at a casino and was playing poker or something.
"Hey, you gotta pay to find out. You looking for a tell? I don't have one, my friend." said Jesus. His halo was spinning. "What? What are you lookin' at?"
Homer's dream cloud popped. "I'd better call it a night, guys. I don't want to take any more of your money." Homer took his winnings converted the chips to money and took a six pack of beer and some snacks. "Mm. Mm. Mm. Hmm. Who's president now, Alexander Hamilton?" Homer asked.
"I think it's Obama." said Carl.
"Hamilton is a play that is now a musical about a mid eighteenth century dude! Caiden dressed up as a furry version of him but I thought he was dressed as a pirate with a flintlock pistol..." said Oscar.
Caiden the babyfur Wolf character wolf winced. "He was a duelist and founding father!"
Oscar shrugged. "I'm British. I only studied British history..."
...
Homer left Carl's apartment and headed for the elevator. As he operated it to close and go down a heavily pregnant woman called out to him to hold the elevator.
"Hold the door, please." asked the pregnant lady. (breathes heavily) It was clear she was about to give birth. "Two minutes apart."
"Timing the elevators, eh?" Homer asked being dumb. "Oh. Smart."
"Oh. No, no. I'm timing my contractions." said the lady.
"Holy moly! You swallowed a giant beanbag!" Oscar yelled.
"She's pregnant dummy!" Homer snapped.
"I think I'm in labor. Deep in labor." The lady groaned.
Oscar frowned. "Well I think you should vote conservative! Damn socialists!"
Homer and the lady stared at him.
"He's British... just ignore him..." Homer sighed.
"Okay, okay, no worries. What the...?" asked the lady as the elevator malfunctioned and went dark.
"Eek! It's dark!" Oscar whined.
Hank was outside messing with the elevator buttons whistling,
"Aaaaaaaagh! It's dark! We're gonna die!" Oscar screamed.
Homer hand gagged him.
"Oh! Do you have a cell phone?" The lady asked if Homer had a cell phone.
"Everyone has a cell phone. Mine's at home." said Homer.
"I'm in the middle of a game of Angry Birds..." said Oscar.
The lady groaned as she went through contractions. "The most beautiful moment of my life is happening now."
"Everything will be fine. Um...Oh you, uh, you like movies?" Homer helped the lady lie down. "This reminds me of that scene in Alien." Cooooool!
"What?!" The lady gasped.
"The scene where she escapes with the cat at the end." said Homer.
"Aw, well, that's sweet." said the lady relieved.
"No he meant the bit where the alien monster bursts out of the guy's stomach!" said Oscar.
The pregnant woman screamed.
"You little!" Homer throttled Oscar.
...
"Listen, I'm glad I'm not going through this alone. I haven't seen my boyfriend in months." said the lady.
"Oh, uh, he was just here." said Homer.
"No, he wasn't. But thanks for lying." said the lady. "He's currently serving in Iraq you see."
"You like lies? Here's a few: College is expensive but it's worth it." said Homer.
"What's the lie? That it's expensive or that it's worth it?" Oscar asked.
"What do you think?" Homer growled.
"I think the baby's coming." said the lady.
"Okay Homer, remember your Lamaze training." said Homer.
There was a flashback to a maternity class for preparing for birth.
"Now, this next position is fantastic for women who are carrying especially big." said the lady running the class.
"Oh here we go..." said Abe sighing sarcastically.
"Abe! Homer wasn't that big!" Mona scolded him.
"Homer, can you demonstrate?" The teacher asked. Homer got up. "Mm-hmm. Mm..." the teacher put him in a funny position so the baby, is he was a pregnant woman, would just shoot out...
"Oh. Yeah, wow, that does feel good." said Young Homer.
The elevator.
"Oh, no, I think it's coming. Oh, I haven't even picked a name yet." said the lady.
"Homer." Homer whispered.
"You did this to me." the lady yelled as she gave birth.
"No, I didn't." Homer gasped.
"I'm talking to the baby." said the lady. "Pregnant ladies do that sometimes! Here it comes."
She gave birth.
"Um, I don't know how to tell you this, but your baby doesn't have any legs." said Homer.
"What?" the Lady yelled.
"Oh, wait, there's more." said Homer.
"Ay carumba!" Oscar yelled
"Close your eyes! Damn it!" Homer yelled at him not to look.
"Mm. (grunts)" The lady gave birth.
(baby cries) Homer was holding a newborn baby.
"It's a dude." said Homer.
"Are you sure you're not mistaking the umbilical cord for a-" said Oscar covering his eyes.
"Yes I'm sure!" Homer barked. "And he's uncut. Very Euro."
"Homer he's not gonna come out circumcised..." said Oscar.
"Now, hug your mommy." Homer gave the baby to the lady wrapped up in swaddling.
"For unto you is born this day, in this elevator, inspected in August 2009, a baby." said Homer praying.
(elevator motor humming) The elevator came back on again (relieved sigh)
Hank was outside "Changed my mind. Im taking the stairs."
"Well, it was nice to share this moment with someone who cared." said the lady.
"Yeah, that guy didn't even look over once." Homer pointed to business man in a suit reading a newspaper.
"Lobby please." said the man reading.
"Let's all go to the lobby! Let's all go to the lobby!" Oscar sang.
Homer seethed.
...
A series of meanwhiles!
Meanwhile after Homer went off to work/gamble.
"Football!" Bart yelled.
"American Football." said Lisa smugly.
"Football!" Bart yelled.
"American Football!" Oscar yelled.
"Football!"
"American Football!"
"Okay okay! Geez! Enough!" Marge prised them apart.
"Now if you don't mind I have perform a human sacrifice to the Aztec Sun God!" Oscar was trying to cut out Hugo's heart... While he had Hugo lying across the kitchen table...
Marge facepalmed.
Meanwhile in the Time War,...
"So just what is the Could Have Been King and his horde of Meanwhiles...?" A lady asked the John Hurt Doctor.
"Unfortunately the writers won't explain..." said the Doctor. A Chestburster sticking out of his stomach hissed.
"You really should go to hospital and get that seen to..." said the lady.
"I have a wand store to run and I must find the Black Cauldron so I can rule the world with an evil skeleton army!" said the War Doctor.
...
After Homer left after fleecing his friends of their money.
"Okay let's play another round of poker." Moe shuffled the deck and gave everyone a hand of cards.
"Okay start your wagers." said Moe as his friends started betting.
Oscar coughed up a poker chip.
"Don't eat the poker chips!" Moe yelled.
Plot 2
After helping the pregnant lady in the lift.
"Thanks for being with me um..." the lady asked.
"Homer, Homer J Simpson." said Homer. "And I'm happy I helped you um..."
"Gretchen." said Gretchen.
"Well I'll see you round, Gretchen. My friend Carl lives in this block..." said Homer.
"So does Jennifer Lopez." said Oscar. "That was a reference to Jenny from the Block."
Homer face palmed.
Hank played with the elevator buttons again. He chuckled.
Also his creator is offended by farting. How sad...
At the Simpsons house, Oscar's bedroom. Oscar teleports in. He strips down to his diaper.
Teddy, his living teddy bear thing on cue sniffs his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose.
Oscar blushed and sweated. Teddy was sniffing him with a smirk on his face. Oscar gave him the doe-eyed look. Teddy grinned and continued sniffing him.
"Ugh... harder... sniff me harder..." Oscar moaned.
Teddy winced at him.
...
That night in bed.
(grunts)
(moans) Homer tossed and turned in bed.
"How was work?" Marge asked.
"Miraculous." Homer said happily.
"Mm?" Marge asked.
"Mothers are so awesome." said Homer.
"Oh Homie!" Marge sighed pleased as she snogged him.
In an American football stadium.
"Oh. These are great seats. You can hear the players swear from up here." said Milhouse etc Lisa.
"I'll kick your ass, Milhouse." A player yelled up to Milhouse. Milhouse winced.
"This was very nice of you to ask me out to an American Football game Milhouse." said Lisa.
"It's just Football!" Bart yelled.
"Kalalalalilah! Praise the sun god!" Oscar yelled dressed as an Aztec priest.
"But why did you invite me and not Bart? Are you mad at him again?" Lisa asked.
"No..." said Milhouse.
Lisa gasped. "This is a date to try to woo me! Isn't it!" Lisa groaned.
"Milhouse stop hitting on my sister..." Bart groaned.
The announcer spoke. "And now, to take your minds off the massive concussion and subdural hematoma you just witnessed, please welcome the Springfield Atomettes."
Cheerleaders arrived wearing red and white.
"Now, for this routine, we need the help of a junior Atomette." asked a cheerleader. The camera of the jumbo screen moved about before picking out Milhouse.
"They're picking me, Dad!" Milhouse gasped. Kirk was nearby as a peanut vendor.
"Don't call me "Dad." If people think peanut vendors have families, it's too sad." said Kirk. Sure Mr sports car...
"Looks like we've got a volunteer... right there." said the announcer focusing the jumbo screen on Lisa.
(gasps) Lisa gasped and went down. "Look, while I'd like to help, I'm kind of pessimistic about the team's chances." said Lisa.
"They're gonna get creamed." said a cheerleader.
"And another thing. I'm the class nerd! I get ostracised at school by the cheerleaders..." said Lisa.
"Go, go, go! Mm?" The crowd cheered but were confused the cheerleaders picked a nerd. "Uh..." They wondered when the pig's blood would be poured on her...
"I'm dating a cheerleader." Milhouse cheered.
Lisa (in the distance): "No, you're not..."
"Burned again, Milhouse." said the player that swore at him.
(crowd chatter)
After the game.
"Wow, that was great. Can I have my regular clothes back, please?" said Lisa as the cheerleaders had magically changed her into a cheerleader outfit for Springfield Atometts.
"No... problem." said the cheerleaders magically changing her back into her usual clothes.
"Great job, ladies. Now here's your 50 bucks each which should just about cover your parking." said Rich Texan paying them a tiny amount of money.
"I can't believe he pays you so little. The crowd was crazy about you." said Lisa when Rich Texan left.
"I know, but what are we gonna do about it? If we pipe up they'll put us in the mascot costume." said the head cheerleader pointing to a disgusting mastit costume with a spider in it.
"Ew." groaned all the cheerleaders.
"After you wear that, you need to be hosed down for bedbugs." said a black haired cheerleader.
At Carl's apartment.
"Good game, everyone. I never dreamed a night where you discovered I was cheating and beat the crap out of me could end on such an up note." said Homer leaving Carl's as his friends annoyed pushed him out.
"See you next week." said Moe.
Homer was stopped by Gretchen as she opened her apartment door. "Homer."
"Hmm? Hey, Gretchen." said Homer.
"I had your jacket cleaned. Good as new." said Gretchen. Giving Homer his suit he wore that night in a plastic bag on a hanger.
"And thanks for loaning me your sweater for the ride home. It may be a little stretched out." said Homer. It also had a small red lollipop stuck to it.
"Geez," said Gretchen taking the purple stretched sweater with a lollipop stuck to it. "that was a pregnancy sweater."
She invited Homer in. "So, you want to hold little Homer?" She called the baby Homer! Yes Homer...
"Wow, so now there's two things named after me- a baby, and a law banning air horns after 3:00 a.m." said Homer. I don't wanna know why they had to make such a law...
"Well, since he's named after you..." said Gretchen handing baby Homer to um Homer. "That makes him Homer Jr."
"The kids at school when he's older can all him Hoju!" said Homer excited.
"Oh God no!" Oscar cried.
...
Homer smiled while he lovingly held baby Hoju. Hoju grabbed his nose. Beep! Hehehe!
"Beep!" said Hoju.
"Awwwwww! That's sweet..." said Homer with a nasally voice.
"Yeah... real sweet..." said Teddy as fully grown grizzly bear holding baby Oscar who was honking and squeezing his big wet shiny black nose. Honk! Honk! Squeak! It honked and squeaked like a toy or a clown horn. "Oz... where has that hand been..."
"My mouth..." said Baby Oscar.
...
Bart was playing American Football for his team, Lil Wildcats. Ned was coach.
Lisa annoyed Bart by saying American football.
"American Football!"
"It's just football!" Bart snapped.
"American Football!"
"Football!"
"American Football!"
"Football!"
"American Football..." said Lisa in a singsong manner as she knew she was annoying Bart.
"Enough! Put a sock in it! Football Head!" Bart snapped.
Arnold from Hey Arnold! winced.
...
The following night at the apartment block Carl and Gretchen live at.
(tires screech) Some Guy was driving like a maniac.
Homer passed Carl's Flat.
"Read 'em and weep. The novels of Charlotte Bronte." said Moe he had Charlotte Bronte novels for some reason.
"Um, I thought we were playing cards." said Carl.
Homer knocked at Gretchen's and she answered.
"Uh, hey. I was just driving by with some baby stuff we didn't need and, uh, well, here's some diapers Maggie's too big for..." said Homer giving her a pack of diapers.
"Why didn't you just keep them as spares for Eric?!" Oscar snapped.
"Because he's not canon and these are girl diapers!" Homer snarled.
"Oh so it's alright to girly up someone else's kid?!" Oscar ranted.
"I'm trying to be nice!" Homer hissed.
"And an incredible educational toy I forgot to give Bart." said Homer giving a board game to Gretchen.
"Thanks. Hey, could you babysit for an hour? I've been alone with the baby for days." asked Gretchen.
"Lady are you insane? You want this monster near your baby after he throttled me in the elevator?!" Oscar yelled.
"You were scaring Gretchen talking about the chestburster scene from Alien!" Homer snarled.
"And throttling a child is a reasonable response..." Oscar snapped.
"Its canon that Homer helps..." said Gretchen.
"Fine! I'm going home!" Oscar snapped.
"Wow, I'd love to help, but I did kind of have plans for tonight." said Homer.
"No, you can't leave. I'm dealin' you in." Moe yelled as Lenny left the apartment. (grunts) He threw playing cards at him as throwing stars.
(screams) Lenny screamed as the cards struck him in the back and fell over dead.
"Full house? You win again?" Moe yelled.
"I think I'll be good tonight and stay in with you." Homer agreed to babysit Hoju.
He was in Gretchen's apartment.
Baby, baby, please let me hold him
There was singing over a montage of Homer babysitting Hoju.
"Where's Hoju? Where's Hoju?" Homer played peek-a boo but Hoju vanished! (screams) "Where's Hoju? Where's Hoju? Where's Hoju?!" Homer crawled out of an open window he thought Hoju had escaped through and ran off looking for him.(sobbing)
Hoju was hiding under a blanket. Obviously he's a prankster like Bart.
We want to make him stay up all night
Yeah, we do.
(song ends)
The song continues over a montage of Homer playing with Hoju. He gives Hoju a combover and puts Ms on his ears
Then Homer bounces Maggie on his knee but is thinking he is playing with Hoju. Maggie thinks she's being babysat by Ned.
Homer and Hoju were then watching Itchy and Scratchy.
"Itchy and Scratchy show..."
A child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch
And bills to pay
Itchy receives a baby Scratchy on his doorstep. Rather than immediately murder him in a horrible manner, Itchy adopts him and there's a cute montage of Scratchy growing up as the song Cat's in the cradle plays.
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it
And as he grew, he'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, Dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you"
And the cat's in the cradle... (explosion, music stops)
Oh looks like Itchy killed Scratchy after all by blowing his head up...
"Kids blow up so fast." said Homer.
Hoju was thinking about blowing up Homer because the cartoon was too violent for him and gave him bad ideas...
"And we have no bananas tonight!" said Itchy.
(Homer screams and cries.)
...
Homer went shopping he was buying baby things. Like toys, diapers and food.
(Homer humming)
He bumped into Marge shopping for Maggie.
"Oh! Homie? Aw, you're shopping ahead for Maggie. Or possibly shopping for Eric for once..." said Marge.
"Oh, no, I'm shopping for Homer Jr. A baby I delivered in an elevator the night I pretended to go to work but was really playing poker." said Homer.
"What?!" Marge battered him with a rolling pin! Cooool! (grunting)
Oscar laughed.
"Kid would this funny the other way round?" Homer asked as Marge smacked him with a rolling pin. He was bleeding and bruised.
"No! It would be monstrously evil!" said Oscar.
"So why is this funny then?! Ow! Ah! Please stop!" Homer cried as Marge hit him with a rolling pin.
However this was just a dream.
"This simulation has been brought to you by your brain, a subsidiary of your penis." Homer narrated out loud.
"Oh, yes, I'm shopping for Eric, our baby son we had together, so this looks perfectly innocent." said Homer.
"Why are you saying that?" said Marge.
"Oh, you know how the first few weeks are: sleep deprived, walking around in a fog." said Homer.
"First few weeks of what?" Marge asked.
"Um, November." said Homer
(groans) Marge groaned feeling very suspicious.
Plot 3
Meanwhile Oscar and his uncle Buck went to a Chinese fireworks store ran by a China man.
"Um why do you need fire works on the first week of November?" The Chinese store keeper asked.
"Uh... it's Guy Fawkes night/Bonfire night." said Oscar.
"This is Amelica. We don't know what that is..." said the store owner. "But money is money. Thank you vely much.
...
(grunting, low chatter) At cheerleading practice.
"Hey, Atomette." said the head cheerleader.
"I want to say... Caitlin?" Lisa asked.
"Britney." said a Britney the cheerleader.
"Okay Britney. Name's Lisa." said Lisa." said Lisa.
"Lisa." Britney recalled her name to remember it.
"Guys, do you realize you're being exploited by this team?" Lisa asked.
All: "Wha...?"
"They sell your posters, workout DVDs, and all of your practices are broadcast on a webcam." said Lisa. There were webcams secretly installed in odd places such as the drinking water dispenser.
"And some of the angles are low..." said Lisa as there was a camera in the ground pointing up for upskirt footage...
"Hehehehe... Dirty..." Oscar laughed pervertedly.
"Oz that is not funny! That's illegal!" said Lisa.
"But don't worry, collective bargaining will enable us to secure concessions." said Lisa.
The cheerleaders looked confused.
"Uh, we're gonna push 'em back, push 'em back, push 'em way, way back. All the way to a new contract. 'Cause union power is a fact. And we're..." Lisa chanted.
"Okay, okay, we get it." said Britney.
"Well, look who's here. You been hit by the cheerleading bug, little lady" Rich Texan asked.
"Actually, I've been hit by the unfair labor practices bug." said Lisa.
"I've been bitten by a black widow..." Oscar fainted.
Lisa winced.
"What? Why, that's Samuel Gompers talk." said Rich Texan annoyed.
"That's odd... I swear he said "That's Samuel Gophers talk!"." said Oscar clearing out his ears. "My hearing must be playing up again..."
Lisa rolled her eyes.
"Now, little missy, the only thing you should be organizin' is your dollies." said Rich Texan.
"How? By size, brand, value? And don't even suggest race, 'cause I don't see that. I just see little people I own." said Lisa. "What do you say, ladies?"
(indistinct whispering) "Not right, not fair. Let's say it with our hair." They shake their hair about making a rustling noise.
Oscar winced, repulsed by the hair swishing sound.
"Okay, fine. I'm gonna give it some thought, then say no in the nicest way possible." said Rich Texan taking off his hat. "No."
...
Bart's treehouse.
Lisa and the girls are painting protest signs.
"Oh, good. Nice. "Beat Dallas." Can never argue with that." said Lisa looking at the protest signs her girls were painting.
"Hey Ladies! Hey what did I say?! No girls in my treehouse!" Bart came up the secret passageway.
"Bart we need somewhere to paint..." said Lisa.
"No this is my treehouse and I'm telling you to leave! Now! Get out! Out!" Bart yelled.
"Fine..." Lisa sighed. "Caitlin, Britney. Girls... come on..." Lisa sighed leaving.
"Wait, wait, wait! Lisa only you have to vamoose! Ladies, you can stay... (Purrs seductively.)" said Bart wanting the cheerleaders to stay.
"Eeeeeeeew!" Lisa groaned as she climbed down the ladder.
"Hey, ladies. My vest isn't the only thing that's ripped." said Nelson as a group of men and boys suddenly gathered in the backyard.
"I am in the market for a backup mistress. Possibly two." said Comic Book Guy.
"Have you kids seen your father?" Marge asked.
"Surprised he's not here ogling these girls." Lisa frowned annoyed.
Hugo moaned and drooled aroused.
"He said he was going to work." Marge explained.
"On a Friday afternoon?" Luanne asked surprised.
(gasps) "I bet he's playing poker again." Marge snapped. "Coming through. Wife on a mission." She pushed through the crowd.
"Go, fight, win. Marge." said the cheerleaders as Marge tore through a clown banner.
"Wow, I've never burst through a banner before, but it really does the trick." said Marge.
"Yes it does..." said Clownja.
"Girls we were painting protest signs! Women power right?" Lisa called up to the cheerleaders.
"I am throwing a sweet rave with all cheerleaders... Hehehehe..." Bart chuckled aroused.
Lisa frowned.
"Humima, Humima, Humima..." Hugo moaned aroused.
"Boys! Stop objectifying them!" Lisa yelled.
...
At Carl's flat.
(pounding on door) "Homer, I know you're here. Your car's outside." Marge yelled. Carl let her in. "Where is he?" She can't find Homer. And no one was playing poker.
"I honestly don't know. I'm just teaching myself massage here with online videos and a store mannequin." said Carl. He was training to be a masseuse!
"Oh, I'm so sorry." said Marge and she left.
"So, do you have any injuries I should know about?" Carl asked the mannequin but her head fell off. "Oh!" He gasped.
"Hmm, if he's not in there, where is he?" Marge asked.
Homer: "Oh, baby. Oh, baby, shake it. Homer like." That's pretty suspicious dialogue Homer...
(gasps) Marge gasped.
"Oh. Shake it. Now, roll over on your tummy, just like I taught you. Tell me what a cow says." However Homer was merely babysitting Hoju.
(toy moos)
Marge picked the lock and got into a stranger's apartment somehow.
"You!" Marge snapped.
"Aah! My other baby mama." Homer screamed.
"So this is where you've been going. Another woman's apartment!" Marge yelled as Gretchen, a woman, was there.
"Marge, it's not what you think." Homer cried.
"Quiet. You're upsetting Homer Jr." said Gretchen.
(quietly): "You have a baby together?" Marge gasped.
"Oh, it's cool. We did it in an elevator." said Homer. Dude stop digging yourself deeper...
(gasps) "I'm a Schwarzenegger wife." Marge gasped.
"Consider this a divorce..." said Arnold Schwarzenegger shooting his wife dead. It's a Total Recall reference.
"But you're also the housekeeper, so it's all good." said Homer digging himself deeper.
"It's not good. None of it's good." Marge was annoyed and upset.
"I haven't had a drink for a week." said Homer.
"That is pretty good." said Marge relenting.
They all sat round the table for coffee and to explain things...
"So then you delivered her baby right there in the elevator." said Marge.
"It's true. Even the other guy in the elevator- he's right here." said Homer.
"And the really funny thing is I'm a doctor." said the elevator guy...
"Well, I'm glad you did a good deed, but you shouldn't come here again. I thought that was strange poop on your collar." said Marge.
"Eeeeeew!" Oscar groaned in disgust.
(moans sadly) "Good-bye, Homer Jr. I guess you're the man of the house now. And never forget, even though the mortgage is due on the first, you can usually wait till the 17th." said Homer. He started crying. (sobbing)
Marge saw that a Homer was only doing a good deed.
"You know what? I think it's fine if Homer spends a few hours now and then with... Homer Jr." She said but grumbled the name Homer Jr, annoyed.
"Exactly. You always said charity begins at home. But not which home." said Homer.
"It's true, I never specified the home." said Marge.
...
Meanwhile an old dead guy sings while the cheerleaders protest. This ruins the football for the men because they don't get to see the pretty cheerleaders. They get ugly back up cheerleaders played by Patty, Selma, Crazy cat lady and Mrs Muntz... Eeeeeew!
The cheerleaders were also offering a babysitter service so men dumped babies in the street near them. Babies toddled about.
Oh and Lisa's protest wins this episode so she gets her own way which is understandable as she's helping her friends get fair pay.
"Oh hell no!" A rough neck yelled.
"Oh no..." Oscar groaned.
"What is it Oz?" Lisa asked.
"It's Drew... a gaslighting troll on the Radioactive man forums. He doesn't agree with unions, picketing and minimum wage... he thinks we should still be in the 1700s. Like Mr Burns would be thinking." Oscar explained.
"Damn right! You are not entitled to your employer's money!" Drew yelled.
"Yes they are entitled to a fair wage Drew..." Oscar snapped.
"Abubububut! You're barred from talking to me..." said Drew a neckbeard fat nerd.
"UH Drew, your forum block doesn't apply in real life..." said Oscar.
"Not talking to you..."
"Drew! I-"
"Not talkiiiiiing!" Drew yelled.
Meanwhile Homer played with Hoju again and sang the Simpsons theme as a lullaby as he put him in his crib.
And I have no idea who Samuel Gompers is. I was hoping he was Samuel Gophers...
Cue um gophers...
That night Homer went home tired.
"Oh I over did it again." Homer groaned.
"Late night at Moe's uh?" said Marge.
"No I was singing Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes to Hoju. It's the toes that get you..." said Homer.
"Hmmmmmm! Homer I want you to spend more time with our kids..." Marge sighed.
"Exactly... that's why I am taking all four to the zoo tomorrow..." said Homer.
"Three!" Marge corrected him.
"Hugo is canon!" Oscar yelled.
"Fine... but Lisa dislikes Zoos! She says keeping the animals in cages is cruel!" said Marge. "And she has a point!"
"Oz I don't care how much you scream about your boyfriend the freak, I am not taking him! I meant Bart, Lisa and Maggie and um Homer Jr, Homer has a busy nap schedule." said Homer.
"Stop going on about that baby!" Marge snapped.
"I was talking about myself in third person..." Homer sighed.
Marge grumbled.
"Take Hugo!" Oscar snapped.
...
Eventually The Cheerleaders who were in the Simpson house were desperate to cheer at anything.
"We can't take much more of this, Lisa. The girls are getting so antsy they'll cheer anything." said a black haired cheerleader.
"You're the greatest generation, worthy of our veneration. Go Grampa!" the cheerleaders cheered Grampa.
"If this is heaven, why don't my shoes match?" Grampa had odd shoes on.
(doorbell rings) Rich Texan was at the door. (deep sigh)
"Okay, I give up. I'm gonna do what we secretly did at the Alamo- surrender." said Rich Texan.
"You did lose at the Alamo. You won at San Jacinto..." said Hugo.
Bart face palmed.
"Acing my history lesions is not embarrassing, chimp brain..." said Hugo to Bart.
(cheering) The cheerleaders cheered.
"While you're at it, how about a little boost for peanut vendors?" Kirk asked.
"What do you think I'm taking their raise out of?" Rich Texan asked him in a bitter manner. He was docking his wages to give the girls pay rises.
"Anyway, on another topic... Is Dad still seeing his elevator baby..." Bart sighed.
"I merely volunteered as a midwife, or midhusband." said Homer. "There was no romance involved. Her husband is in Iraq." said Homer.
"Yeah whatever..." Bart snarked.
"Also she named her kid Hoju..." said Homer.
Bart face palmed.
"He'll get back to you on that..." said Oscar cutting in.
...
At the Zoo.
Homer pushed a double buggy with Maggie and Hoju in it while Bart, Lisa, Hugo and Oscar followed. Oscar was carrying Eric.
"Happy now Oz..." Homer sighed.
"You're still a jackass..." said Oscar.
Hoju gurgled happily and sounded like Snoopy or Curly.
Oscar winced. "Dan's voicing him too?!"
"Yep!" said Homer.
"That's just insane and Marge shouldn't have let you keep seeing him!" Oscar ranted.
Plot 4
"I wanted you all to be happy together, so I brought you to the zoo where all the animals live in harmony." said Homer.
(growls) A tiger growled.
(triumphant wail) An elephant smacked it unconscious with his trunk and trumpeted triumphantly.
"Dad... Matt's just recycling the Zoo scene from [A Tree Grows in Springfield] again..." said Hugo as there was another Homer and his kids. That Homer was busy on his Mypad.
"Kids pipe down I'm trying to find the tastiest churros in the zoo..." said the other Homer.
"And there's Dad from the up and coming Peekimon episode Looking for Mr Good Bart.' said Lisa.
Another Homer was on his Myphone playing Peekimon Get! while his kids were running around or fighting.
"Kids I'm trying to catch a Rottata!" That Homer moaned.
"Um okay..." said Homer.
Once again Lisa and Hugo were looking at the animals and Bart was mucking about.
"Okay, guys, I got your ice creams." Homer bought two chocolate and vanilla swirl ice creams for Maggie and Hoju.
"From David the robot boy's nose..." said Oscar.
"No not from David the robot's nose..." Homer groaned.
David the robot boy was squirting chocolate and vanilla swirl ice cream out of his nose into cones.
Homer groaned annoyed.
Maggie was licking her ice cream when Hoju helped himself to her ice cream. Maggie got annoyed and hit him.
"Hey, ah, ah, ah. Now, Maggie, we don't hurt each other in this family." said Homer.
"Homer. Your little Hoju started it! I think he's a bully..." said Oscar.
"Are you nuts? You can't even kiss me good night without slicing me with your stubble." said Bart.
In a cutaway Homer is putting his children to bed. "Night my little Bart!" He kissed Bart.
"Ow! Your stubble is sharp!" Bart whined.
"Why you little... I'll give you a good-night kiss you'll never forget. Come here, you. (grunting) He chased Bart trying to kiss him...
"Aah, ooh, ah! Ah! Ow! Yeah!" I assume that's Bart yelling...
"Dad, we're missing the giant capybaras of Uruguay." said Lisa.
Oscar saw giant monster sized capybaras. He screamed and fled.
"Oz what the-" Lisa winced.
Hugo laughed. "Nyahahahaha! You said "You are gay"..."
"Hugo it's pronounced Uraguay..." Lisa groaned.
Hoju licked Maggie's ice cream again and kicked her out of the buggie.
"Will you stop him doing that!" Oscar snapped at Homer.
"Okay, I know what'll cheer you kids up. Seeing me out-monkey the monkeys." said Homer pointing to a large cage of monkeys staring at him. (hooting like a monkey) He makes fun of the poor monkeys.
(angry hooting, screeching) The monkeys screeched annoyed.
"I have a soul and you guys don't." Homer teased them.
(hooting) The monkeys grabbed him.
"Aah! Monkeys!" Homer screamed. (grunts)
"Burn the monkeys! Burn them!" Ralph yelled.
Clancy Wiggum face palmed.
(angry grunt) Maggie had enough of Hoju licking her ice cream and kicked him out of the buggy. He grunted annoyed as he fell. He then got up and pushed the buggy. Leaving it to go off with Maggie on its own. He waved and smirked evilly at Maggie. He's evil!
"Dad, Maggie's rolling away." said Bart.
(gasps) "She's heading for Prairie Dog Village. If they get her in their warrens, we'll never see her again." said Lisa as Maggie headed to the prairie dog burrows.
(chittering) The evil prairie dogs from jumanji chittered.
Hoju smirked and waved at Maggie.
"Look, shiny keys. Jingle jangle." Homer teased the monkeys with his keys and got free. (grunts, laughs) "Stupid monkeys." He suddenly realised they had his car keys. "D'oh!"
Maggie got out a Dino head wand toy.
"That's it, Maggie, use the Dino-Wand." said Lisa.
Maggie used it to make the buggy come to a screeching halt.
Hoju frowned.
"I am so dead when we get home..." Homer gulped as he collected the pram/buggy.
...
Homer was in boiling water, metaphorically. He was in deep trouble basically. Once he got home as Marge was seriously pissed off at him over Hoju.
"This is the last time you'll see that elevator baby! Take him back to Gretchen's now!" Marge yelled.
Homer whined.
"Now!" Marge yelled.
"Yeah Dad. Baby Hoju is obviously evil!" said Bart.
Homer went to Gretchen's with Hoju.
"Gna! Gnaaa!" Oscar was biting/pinching Bart's nose with a triceratops Dino wand toy.
"Ow! Oz! Don't pinch my nose with that thing!" Bart whined.
"Fine... I'll pinch Teddy's nose with it..." Oscar goes off to annoy his teddy bear creature.
"Ow! Hey watch it!" Teddy whined.
Marge sighed. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at him... then again Hoju did try to kill Maggie...
"I'm sorry, Homer Jr. You'll occupy an idealized place in my heart that no one can ever quite fill." said Homer to Hoju as he left to take him back home.(Homer sobbing)
"Therapy, please..." said Bart embarrassed.
"Me, too." said Lisa.
"Me, three..." Hugo groaned.
Marge sighed.
"I'm just glad Lisa's story ended happily ever after for her, for once." said Oscar.
"Yeah I always get a proverbial kick up the butt from the writers and a miserable twist at the end..." said Lisa.
"Girlfriend, you got to get on Facebook" said Avery Texan, Rich Texan's gay grandson.
"Why the hell are you here?!" Oscar yelled.
"I don't have your number babes and I want to talk about my vacation to the Mediterranean...' said the gay kid dressed as a cowboy.
Marge giggled.
Oscar frowned.
"I rode on a dolphin in Sardinia..." said Avery.
"Haaaaaauuuuw! Dolpha! Dolpha!" Oscar squealed.
...
Homer walked back to Gretchen's with Hoju.
"Okay, I've got to impart all my fatherly advice in this one walk. The sky is blue, but nobody really knows why. Don't believe what they tell you. Girls are great and terrible at the same time. Get used to it. And, most importantly..." Homer said as the walked but eventually they were outside Gretchen's apartment.
"Oops, we're here. You'll have to figure it out on your own. Sorry, little fella." said Homer to Hoju.
"One day I'll be that guy who comes to your wedding, makes you feel a little weird, and then runs away." Homer sighed as Hoju teared up and bawled.
(Hoju crying)
Gretchen answered.
"Thanks for taking Homer Jr out today Homer! I have great news!" said Gretchen taking Hoju.
"Well I have sad news..." Homer lamented.
"Um can I start first." said Gretchen.
"Okay." said Homer.
"Chase is back!" said Gretchen. There was a tough looking soldier guy in camouflage trousers.
(Homer whoops) "Woohoo! Um who's Chase?"
"My boyfriend. He was away over seas fighting in Iraq." said Gretchen.
"You had the baby?!" said Chase.
"Yes dear. You just got back." said Gretchen. "Homer what's the news then,.."
"I'm afraid I cannot babysit for you anymore..." said Homer.
"Your Rugrat tried to kill Maggie!" said Oscar.
"Um... where is he getting a mean streak from...?" Gretchen asked.
"Hehehe! Stop punching yourself! Stop punching yourself! Hehehe have a noogie on the house, loser!" Chase was bullying Homer.
"Chase! Leave him alone! This man raised our baby for you while you were over seas fighting in Iraq!" said Gretchen scolding her boyfriend.
"Hoju likes it when you tickle his toes..." said Homer.
"Hey, he's my kid. He likes what I tell him to like! Loser!" said Chase.
"Chase enough! Apologise to Homer at once!" Gretchen said sharply.
"Fine... Sorry, Homer... And thanks for looking after my kid..." Chase sighed.
"Hey, one day you'll have kids of your own." Chase tried to be kind.
"I do." said Homer.
"Really? Then this is much creepier than I thought. Much." said Chase as Homer left miserable.
"Shouldn't have bet his door if he didn't want to lose it." said Moe taking Carl's front door. Uh okay...
...
At the Simpsons Homer watched Over Maggie and Eric.
"Well I still have you two to look after. Look I'm sorry I was sharing my attention with that other baby, but we'll never see him again..." said Homer glum as he played with Maggie and Eric.
Marge looked hurt emotionally and gave Homer a look of sympathy.
"Homer I'm sorry I was mad at you and stopped you seeing Hoju." said Marge,
"It's sad Marge but his father's back from Iraq so my services are no longer needed... plus despite my love, Hoju grew up to be really mean! I have no idea why he was bullying Maggie." said Homer.
"He's pure evil..." Oscar rasped.
Bart winced at Oscar.
"Is there time for me to reminisce with a story about Homer as a baby?" Grampa asked.
"No!" Homer barked.
"Well I'm telling a story anyway." said Abe.
Homer seethed.
You see, Homer as a baby was a bully! The nastiest bully there was! Abe narrated as Baby Homer was picking on Baby Smithers Jr and hitting him.
"Oh Homer..." Marge sighed.
"Mona and I soon set him straight. Well mostly me..." said Abe.
Some cheerleaders came in.
"We have cheerleaders?!" Homer gasped.
"Yes Dad. My story this episode was to help a squad of cheerleaders whose boss was taking advantage of them..." said Lisa.
"Right..." said Homer dryly.
The Asian, wrinkly owner of Lard Lads arrived. He was an elderly Chinese man wearing blue dungarees and a shirt similar to Lard Lad. "What about my sub plot?"
"Arthur how can we write a sub plot about a donut store..." Homer sighed.
"They some how wrote a TV series about a donut store..." said Oscar.
If I don't recall it, then I'd was a failure..." said Homer.
"Well that's true..." said Oscar.
The Lard Lad company owner sighed in a glum manner.
...
At Gretchen's apartment.
"Babe, where's the bottle opener?" Chase asked holding a bottle of beer. Hoju opened it for him with a clever trick.
"Whoooooaaa! Where did you learn to do that!" asked Chase taking his bottle of beer the baby opened. "You see Babe, this is what we're fighting for. Well this and killing Saddam."
Meanwhile in Hell.
"Ay bitch! What happened to my head?" South Park Saddam's 1980s head was now his face after he spent months in jail towards the end of his life after America captured him. His hair was overgrown and straggled and turning grey.
Satan gawked baffled.
...
That night Homer and Marge had separate dreams about Hoju.
Homer was dreaming he was babysitting Hoju when Chase and Gretchen arrived and wordlessly let him know his services were no longer required.
Homer cried and pined for Hoju. "oh Hoju! (Sobbing) Hoju..."
Marge sighed stroking Homer and giving him a sympathetic look that she felt sorry for him. Then she went to sleep and dreamed of Hoju dancing to striptease music while undoing the sticky tapes on his diaper and doing them up again in striptease.
"Ugh...!" Marge groaned in her sleep.
...
The next day at breakfast.
"We'll it looks like both stories drew to a close in a way so let's end it with more Hoju." said Oscar. The Simpsons gasp. "I mean of course the original Hoju, Hoju the homosexual Jew character I made up..."
The Simpsons groaned as Hoju a gay Hasidic Jew arrived in leather and spiked clothes dancing to YMCA.
Homer screamed.
The end!