Yellow Subterfuge Skinner offers a school trip on a submarine but there are only a few limited spaces so he lays down the law saying only the most well behaved students can go. Bart tries his best to behave.
Meanwhile Lisa helps Krusty after he is bankrupt again...
When Bart can't go on the trip for having muddy shoes. Homer helps Bart get revenge by killing Agnes, Skinner's mother and arranging the evidence so Skinner appears to have killed her.
Plot
The title gag is Kang and Kodos in their UFO laughing maniacally.
The billboard gag is "Moe's Tavern. We accept most fake IDs" Moe is holding an ID.
The chalkboard gag is "I will stop asking when Santa goes to the bathroom."
The couch gag is the Simpsons as Air Dancers or Wacky Waving Arm flailing inflatable tube men at Cowboy Bob's RV allotment. He inflates them so they're dancing about. But Bart as an Air Dancer laughs and grabs some scissors from Bob and cuts Homer. Homer as an Air Dancer flies off and gets zapped by a power line. Bart laughs.
...
In Texas during the Wild West times of cowboys. Yeehaw!
A man sings as Skinner as a Lone Ranger rides a horse with no name and his looking out for criminals.
Skinner!
Skinner
He patrols the school halls
Skinner!
When you spit, he's got the balls
Dolph as a bandit tried to sneakily shoot a spit wad at him but he quickly blasted Dolph's head clean off with a shotgun! Cooool!
As you mosey through the school
Kearney and Nelson were trying to hang Martin by his underwear from a saguaro cactus but Skinner shot and killed them. Eep! Then he shot the arm of the saguaro Martin was dangling from.
"Oof!" Martin fell flat on his face and got up. "Good shot Sir!"
Skinner nodded with a cold harsh look in his eyes. However his calm demeanour cracked and he gasped concerned as police sirens rang out and red and blue lights flashed.
"Well Lone Ranger... you're under arrest for breaking Arizona state law on shooting cacti." said Wiggum as the town sheriff. It's illegal to shoot saguaro cacti in Arizona. Even if they're singing the WagonWheels advert...
All the kids say you're so cool
Skinner was marched off to the saloon town jail. Children watched in shame.
"Isn't this supposed to be my dream? A happy dream?" Skinner narrated.
"Sir, it's illegal to shoot saguaro cacti..." said Oscar over the opening short.
"Ooooh..." said Skinner.
And you even made
Bart as a cowboy was drinking a cartoon of milk.
Bart Simpson spill his milk
Someone shot at Bart startling him. He dropped his milk carton. He saw he had a hole in his hat.
Oscar twirls his revolver about showing off.
...
Skinner!
Skinner
You're the master
Of your fate...!
Skinner was riding on Chalmers. Chalmers was his horse now.
"Skinner!" Chalmers yelled.
In assembly this opening scene was actually just a dream of Skinner's. Chalmers was trying to wake the sleeping Principal. "Seymour... wake up!"
Skinner
You sure look good in chaps
Skinner...
Skinner was singing in his sleep.
"Wake up. You're on!" Chalmers shook him awake.
(grunts) Skinner got up and took to the podium. "Children, I have some exciting news."
(kids murmuring)
"I'm here to tell you about a field trip so amazing, we've put "sign here" stickers on the permission slips." said Skinner holding a permission slip. "As you recall, these stickers came from last year's field trip to the "sign here" sticker factory." Their last trip was boring. "But thanks to my old navy buddy- we both love to shop at Old Navy-" There was a sailor on stage. He held shopping bags from the Old Navy Store. It's a clothes store.
"The students of this school will be taking a ride on a nuclear-powered, attack-class submarine, the USS Tom Clancy!" said Skinner. With added war novels and crap first person shooters that try to aspire to be like Medal of Honour or Call of Duty which aren't that much better...
(all gasp) The kids gasp as that kid that got squashed by Free Willy was back! This time a submarine defied the laws of physics and flew over him like Free Willy, but not crushing him this time. Then the video froze with the words Yvan Eht Nioj. Oh shoot!
Lisa gasped in horror. "Oh no! Principal Skinner!"
"Yes Lisa?" Skinner asked.
"Did you perhaps not know your Old Navy buddy was using subliminal messages in your slideshow? Yvan Eht Nioj? Join the navy..." said Lisa.
(Kids murmured.)
...
"I suddenly feel like enrolling in the US Navy, sir." said Dolph.
Skinner looked at his projector and gasped. "Earwigs Eyelids! Yvan Eht Nioj! I've seen this backwards speak before!"
So have I! thought Bart. My short lived band Party Posse! He remembered his two adventures with Party Posse.
The mysterious Old Navy buddy of Skinner's who was an actual sailor laughed maniacally in a voice Lisa and Bart recognised. "Gahahahaha! You got me Skinner! And so did you Lisa Simpson!" He pulled off his face which was actually a rubber mask. The man revealed himself as L.T Smash! Lieutenant Smash.
"Lieutenant Smash!" Lisa gasped.
"Dun dun duuuuuuuun!" Oscar made the dramatic stinger sound just to be annoying.
Bart slapped him upside the head.
"Ow!" Oscar groaned.
"Yes Lisa. I have returned! Once again!" said Lt Smash.
"Why? What insidious plot have you come up with now?" Lisa asked frowning. "Sir." she saluted him reluctantly as he was a commanding officer in the navy.
(Chuckles.) "I have no idea, little lady. The omnipresent author probably wanted to mention me." said Lt Smash.
Um yeah...
Lisa sighed frowning at the fourth wall.
The episode continued as in canon.
(chuckles) Skinner chuckled. "So you're all excited, eh?"
"Yay!" all the kids cheered.
"Well, that's too bad, because many of you will not be going." said Skinner ruining things.
"Huh?!" Everyone asked.
"There's limited room on the submarine, so only the best-behaved students- as determined by me- will go on the trip." said Skinner.
"Whoo-hoo! Well, I get to go!" said Lisa.
"To increase the tension, everyone starts with a clean slate. But from this moment on... I am the law. I hold the red pen." said Skinner.
Skinner! He was imagining that song again...
"Pranks, inside use of outside voice, off-color whistling," Oscar was whistling but stopped suddenly. "and you're stricken from the list. And once crossed off, you stay crossed off. That's what pens do." said Skinner. Oscar had a Tipex applicator. "No Oz... you can't Tipex the red line off of your name..."
(gulps) Bart gulped and operated a remote control drone. The brown haired kid from Dylan's birthday party looked at him while wearing an orange top.
(bees buzzing) The drone carried a beehive of angry bees and put it back on the a tree Bart took it from. He then powered down the drone and it folded up.
We pan off into outer space because Matt wanted to reference the 2013 movie called Gravity. It has Angelina Jolie in it as an astronaut.
"Help! I'm trapped in space with a man I don't like!" Angelina Jolie cried. How rude! XD!
...
At the Simpsons house at dinner.
"Aooga! Submerge! Periscope! Aooga! Aooga!" Bart was playing with his bread pretending it was a submarine and being rather childish. "Die, Nazi octopus, die!" (makes explosion sound) He knocked his meatball off of his plate of spaghetti and the dog ate it.
"What did you do to my anime waifus?! You Nazi octopus bastard!" Oscar cried.
"Oz! Language!" Lisa snapped.
"Sweetie, about the submarine... what's your favorite food to eat when you're disappointed? I'm going shopping tomorrow." said Marge to Bart.
"Ice cream sandwiches. Why?" Bart asked.
"What your mother is trying to say is we don't think you can be good that long." said Homer.
"Mom, is that true?" Bart asked frowning.
"Well, that's sort of what I was trying to say, but..." Marge stammered.
"What your mother is trying to say is..." said Homer.
"No, you're wrong! You're all wrong!" Bart yelled.
"I didn't say anything." Lisa whined.
"Were you thinking it?" Bart gave her a hard look.
"No." said Lisa.
"Yes." said Oscar reading her mind.
"Get out of my head Oz!" Lisa yelled.
"Get real, ding-dong! You've already done so much bad stuff, Skinner's never gonna let you on that boat." said Homer.
"Submarine..." Hugo corrected him.
While Homer spoke, Maggie was dipping her pacifier in the gravy and putting her pacifier in her mouth to taste the gravy.
Baby Eric babbled pointing to Maggie.
"Oh Maggie... that gravy is for everyone..." Marge sighed.
Maggie frowned at Eric.
"Hugo don't eat your napkin..." Marge sighed as Hugo was eating his napkin.
...
"No, Skinner said I had a clean slate, so right now, I'm as good as any other kid." said Bart.
(Homer and Lisa laughing)
"Good one, ding-dong." Lisa laughed.
"Mom!" Bart whined.
"Don't listen to them. They're the ding-dongs." said Marge standing up for Bart.
"Wha...?!" Homer and Lisa gasped.
"Bart, sweetie, this is an opportunity for you to turn things around... yet again." said Marge to Bart. "And I believe in you. Yet again."
"Thanks, Mom. I'll start by taking my plate to the dishwasher. Wherever that is." Bart takes his plate to the dishwasher and goes into the kitchen because that's where it is. (cupboards open, shut, dish breaks) He breaks something.
"Pfft. Marge, I love Bart as much as you do, but actually not. And that kid cannot go one week without getting in trouble." said Homer. "Now, if you'd be so kind as to start my car for me, I'm going to Moe's."
Because of him constantly driving while drunk, Homer had under court order, a breathalyser device installed into the car that would keep it immobilised until a sober person breathed into it.
(blowing air) "Ooh." Marge was starting Homer's car by breathing into the breathalyser device installed into it.. (engine starts)
"Thank you." said Homer as he drove off to Moe's. (tires squeal) "Whoo-hoo! Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm!"
Oscar standing in the garage winced.
"Marge... Why did he need your breath to start his car..."
The next morning.
Lisa finds Bart throwing out stuff.
"What are you doing?" Lisa asked.
"To avoid temptation, I'm getting rid of all the things that could get me in trouble at school." said Bart. "I buried all my whoopee cushions in the backyard."
(flatulence sounds) Homer walks through the backyard and sets off buried whoopee cushions. "Hmm?" (groans) "What the...?"
"Uh... That's not where I buried them." Bart winced as he had no idea what Homer was setting off that was causing farting noises.
"Where did you bury them?" Hugo asked.
"I don't know!" Bart said annoyed and groaned.
...
Texas, the Wild West Times.
Bart was now the focus of the Wild West. He was a bounty hunter with a quartermaster or Q who provided him with gadgets and things to help him defeat bad guys. Right now he had to find out who was draining the rivers which supplied the town with water. Cowboy Lewis couldn't get water from a pump, A girl found the town well was empty and little blue haired native Americans couldn't sail in their canoes as the river bed was dry. Fish floundered about on the dry arid river bed and animals were thirsty.
Bart as a cowboy spoke to his Quartermaster Martin, or Martimus who provided him with gadgets such as dynamite bubblegum. Bart went to the local saloon. He suspected the culprit behind the missing water to be Dr Braneless. Who was played by Ralph.
"Dr Ralph Braneless, I know that evil genius is behind this... Isn't that right Martin?" asked Bart in his room above a saloon bar.
"Who's Martin? I'm the beautiful Saloon dancer Sherri..." said Sherri as a stage dancer.
"Martin I can see through your disguises..." said Bart polishing his shoes.
"Gosh darn it Bart! You always see through my disguises!" Martin sighed annoyed slightly as Sherri was him in disguise.
"No time to play dress up Martimus..." said Bart putting his hat on.
"This outfit is strangely comfortable to me..." said Martimus cross dressing as a girl.
"Ha! Gaaaaaaaay!" said Señor Chang.
"Eeeeeeew! Just Eeeeew!" Bart groaned. Then he explained what was obvious. That someone was draining up all the water.
Martimus explained what was even more obvious. That all living things need water to live. Duh!
Bart explained they need to head to Vulture Gulch, as that was the last place Dr Ralph Braneless was spotted at.
Plot 2
At Krusty's mansion. Repo men are taking things.
"Come on! Don't take my custom limo! At least let me sniff my coke out of the floor mats!" Krusty cried. (grunts) (sniffing) He climbed in the back window and was snorting up the coke. Cocaine...
(bicycle bell dings) Lisa arrived because she has the B story.
"Oh, hi, little girl. What brings you to see Uncle Krusty?" said Krusty.(chuckles)
"Krusty, are you broke?" Lisa asked. "Again..."
"Yeah. All it takes is some bad luck at the ponies, worse luck in the coin market, heavy investment in a high-end bookmark company." Krusty sighed.
"You could do what Everybody Loves Raymond did." said Lisa having an idea.
"Go off the air while I'm still good?" Krusty replied. "That horse has left the stable, gone to the glue factory and has been used to make art projects."
"I mean, you could sell foreign rights to your show. Even SpongeBob did it." said Lisa.
She had Portuguese Spongebob playing on her Mypad.
"Buon compleanno, Squiduardo!" Spongebob gave Squidward a present. A landmine!
"No, no, no, Roberto! E 'una mina della seconda guerra mondiale, che farà saltare in aria e..." Squidward explained it was a landmine in a squeaky voice but a sea horse touched the landmine detonating it. "Ah!" They were both blown to smithereens.
"Calamari?! No...! (sobbing) No!" a fish character cried and sobbed.
"Nooooooooooo!" Oscar screamed and cried. He sobbed because Spongebob and Squidward died.
Lisa winced exasperated.
"Uh... it's cute stuff, but I'm still broke, girlie." said Krusty.
He saw Raphael taking a Monet painting. "Not my Monet! I only looked at it once!"
"What I'm saying is, you could produce foreign versions of your TV show with actors from other countries." said Lisa.
"Okay, I'll do it!" said Krusty.
Raphael took an aquarium with a tiny dolphin swimming in it. "Not my Shetland dolphin!" He cried "Although I won't miss the constant yapping."
"Papa!" said the dolphin. Oh my god!
"Not anymore, he ain't." said Raphael walking off.
He passed Oscar who had a demented look on his face. "Dolpha! Dolpha!" Oscar squealed.
"Quiet you!" said the Shetland dolphin.
"Oh my god! Talking Dolpha!" Oscar yelled.
...
(booming thud) Skinner entered the school dramatically. He had a stern look on his face carrying the red pen and the list of name of everyone at school.
The kids gasped horrified.
Jeffrey was sharpening a pencil with the teacher's desk mounted pencil sharpener.
Lewis was in the school shop. Yes it has a shop now with stable doors. He shut the upper part of the door as he gasped and closed up shop.
Cowboy music was playing too!
Skinner passed the School Barbershop. Yes it has a barber's too...
Kearney was in there having his beard shaved by the crazy old barber who hands out lollipops.
Skinner walked down the halls and passed Wendell the sick kid.
In shock, Wendell spat out his gum. It landed on the floor.
"Gum on the floor. Off the list." Skinner crossed off his name.
Wendell was sad.
In the cafeteria, Jimbo was catapulting meatballs at Email. Yes the ginger nerd is called Email...
"Unauthorized meat-a-pult. Off the list!" Skinner caught Jimbo and crossed him off.
Dolph was drinking from the water fountain.
"Lips touching the fountain. Off the list." Skinner crossed him off. And also each time he did that it made a whip crack sound.
"It's not my fault there's no water pressure." Dolph whined.
"Excuses are like handkerchiefs; everybody's got one." said Skinner tutting.
"I don't have a handkerchief." said Database/Kyle.
"Off the list!" Skinner crossed him off.
"Firm but fair, sir. Don't want any troublemakers on our submarine." said Bart. Yes Bart. He was dressed up smart in his court and church clothes with combed hair.
"Not bad, Simpson. Did you wash your knees?" Skinner asked him.
"Front and back, sir." said Bart. His legs twinkled.
Skinner eyed him with a sharp glare. "You're like egg salad at a picnic, Simpson. Even when you look good, we know you're going bad."
"Principal Skinner?" Lisa asked. "I object to this arbitrary use of power and request I be taken off the list."
"Off the list!" said Skinner crossing her out.
"Thank you." said Lisa.
After Skinner left.
"Lis, why..." Bart asked.
"I dislike anything to do with our military and I am far too busy helping Krusty in today's B story..." said Lisa.
...
On the school bus. There was a poster about the school trip to the submarine reading "One flub, No sub." Skinner was on it glaring with a register and pen. A periscope with an eye was staring at Skinner. Also Oscar had been sticking SubWay stickers over the poster... Mmmmmm! Inappropriate Sub sandwiches...
Bart sat in his seat next to Milhouse.
"Oh, man! Five days without pranking? I'm getting strange red marks. (He had an A+ on his homework) But I'm gonna make it!" said Bart groaning as being good was hard for him.
(engine backfiring) The bus broke down and its tyres burst. Probably from gremlins...
"Oz no!" Bart groaned.
"Uh-oh." said Otto looking at flashing buttons. (alarms buzzing) "Something's wrong with my long yellow car." XD! (starter chugs) He tries to start the bus but it won't start. "Any of you kids got a Triple A card?" He asked the kids.
They sat in silence bewildered.
"I do!" said Oscar. Oz...
"Oz... No! You don't! You can't drive..." Hugo groaned.
"What? No." Bart said exasperated.
"I have one!" said Oscar.
"Oz! Enough! You don't have a Triple A card..." Bart groaned. "Oh no! I'll be late. Skinner will cross my name off the list." Bart whined. (grunts) He kicked open the fire door of the bus and ran off to school. Along the way he passed through several backyards jumping across obstacles and climbing up slides and tree stumps etc. And crossing a swimming pool full of floating lilos etc. And he went in and out a bouncy castle and came out wearing a party hat with a blower horn in his mouth. He discarded the hat and horn.
Then he hailed a taxi that was driven by a Raphael clone. But Milhouse shoved him out of the way and got in. "Hey!" Bart yelled.
However the taxi barely drove a foot before Raphael kicked Milhouse out. "No blue haired people!"
"That's Hair-cist!" Milhouse yelled shaking his fist.
Bart winced. The bus arrived but Bart had to get on as it moved. Great health and safety Otto...
"All fixed up!" said Otto. (horn honks) But a truck labelled Oscar's Obstacles collided with the bus. Oh Hell no Oz! No! Bad Oz! (tires screech, horn drones) The school bus crashed.
Oscar laughed hysterically as he drove the Oscar's Obstacles truck.
Bart winced. "Oz no! Don't be stupid! You can't drive a truck or own a franchise..."
Oscar laughed as he drove about in his truck.
Bart sighed and continued heading to school.
"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!" said Bart. He winced as the white rabbit sprinted past.
"Oz enough!" Bart yelled.
He arrived at school and slid under Skinner's legs.
(school bell rings)
(laughs, hums triumphantly) Bart laughed and celebrates.
"Off the list." Skinner crossed him off.
Bart gasped. "For what?"
"Muddy footprints on the school floor." said Skinner pointing to muddy prints on the floor.
(gasps) Bart gasped and groaned.
"I've broken a ten-year-old's spirit. Time to celebrate with a fruit- on-the-bottom yogurt." said Skinner eating a yogurt with fruit at the bottom. "Plain, plain, plain, plain... Mmm! Fruit!"
...
Skinner's office. He was taking a phone call from Mother.
"No, Mother, I did not use any of your talc." said Skinner. No BartRulez/D! That is not in my Fanon! "I don't know why the bottle feels lighter. Maybe you're just getting stronger!" said Skinner.
Agnes was yelling down the phone.
"Some days I could just kill you." said Skinner evilly as he put down the phone. Holy crap! He's gone Norman Bates again!
Bart decides to get him back with a prank call and audio from Barack Obama.
(phone rings) "She heard me." Skinner gasped. "Hello?"
Bart (nasally voice): "Hold for the president." Um how does he get away with just holding his nose...
Obama (on spliced recording): "This is... Barack Obama!" said Obama.
"Is this a prank?" Skinner frowned.
"No." said Obama.
(gasps) Skinner gasped.
"That's offensive." said Obama.
(gasps) Skinner gasped. He upset the president! Oh no!
"I want to... talk about... submarines... and trips. Simpson... has to go. Simpson... has to go... on the... submarine. On the... submarine." said Obama. Actually Bart using a computer to splice dialogue.
"Of course." said Skinner
(tweeting) A bird bothered Bart.
"Ugh! Buzz off feather brain!" Bart groaned swatting the bird away. It landed and wrecked Bart's recording.
"This is... Barack Obama! So in love with you..." said Obama.
"What?!" Skinner gasped.
"I like Ohio State... You can put lipstick on a pig... So in love with you..." said Obama.
"And I love you too sir..." Skinner smiled.
Bart grabbed the bird. "Why you feathery little!" He crushed it. "Oh no! I killed a bird!"
"Never kill a bird! Never kill a bird! Never kill a bird!" Bart heads repeated as they swam around his head in his imagination. Basically he was remembering what he told his dog in [[How Munched is that Birdie in the Window?]].
He solemnly ended his prank call.
"Well, see you, soon, Principal Skinn-er." said Obama as an audio recording.
"You too sir!" said Skinner putting down the phone. Unlike canon he fell for it hook line and sinker. Except he believes the president might fancy him slightly.
Skinner saw Bart looking glum outside on the climbing frame.
(Sigh) Maybe I should let him go.
...
Meanwhile the following students were on the page where he crossed out Wendell. Oscar had got ahold of the list and was reading it. The names were: "Martin Prince, Wendell Queasily," he must of changed his name because his surname is Borton. Also Wendell was crossed out with red pen so he wasn't going on the sub.
After Wendell were two Spuckler kids. Scabies and Sniffles Spuckler. Oscar laughed.
Scabies Spuckler was scratching him or herself. Sniffles had a runny nose and was snorting.
Oscar gagged in disgust.
After the Spuckler kids was Cosine Tangent. A Chinese nerd. Then Hubert Wong. Lisa never got around to killing him in [[Treehouse of Horror XX]].
At Lard Lads. Chief Wiggum comes in.
"Morning!" said Chief Wiggum.
"Morning Chief." said Arthur, the elderly Chinese owner of Lard Lads.
Wiggum sat down.
"Can I offer you a maple glazed ring donut?" Arthur offered him a donut.
Wiggum chuckled. "Now you know it's a felony to bribe a police officer. Luckily I'm partial to a bribe..." He smiled and took the donut.
Lou arrived and scowled.
"This is Officer Lou, I have two deputies, Lou and Eddie." said Wiggum as if Arthur didn't know them already.
"This is what you're doing while I'm out there risking my life?" Lou seethed.
"Oh, Lou. Some day you're gonna learn the difference between the perps that need chasing and the ones that are just "eh."" Chief Wiggum chuckled.
...
At Krusty's "Krusty the clown show" set. Various people from different countries were sat in chairs as Krusty's extremely jewish accountant gave them instructions.
There was a pyramid chart labelled "Krusty's pyramid of laughter." Each brick from top to bottom read in order: Booze, Cover Ups, Tax Haven, Sponsors, Sidekick, Ethnic Humour, Seltzer, Goofy Laugh, Groin Kick, Nose Punch.
"You forgot Pie Throwing..." Oscar said with a frown.
"No pie throwing..." Krusty sighed.
"You can't be a good clown without throwing pies at people..." said Oscar.
Clownja nodded and jabbered.
"Fine... (Muttering as he added pie throwing to the chart.) It's no longer a pyramid... razzle frazzle..." Krusty muttered as he wrote Pie Throwing near the chart.
Krusty's Accountant coughed.
"Welcome. Welcome, foreign-market Krustys." said the accountant. "If you examine your "Krusty Kit," you're gonna find unremovable green hair dye, a used red nose (A guy out on his red squeaky clown nose and honked it. It made a squeaky sound. Oscar laughed.) and a guidebook on how to capture a monkey. But now, the man they call Mr. Monday Afternoon... Krusty!"
"Hey-hey!" Krusty laughed. "Hooahahaha!"
"Hai-hai! Hu-hu! Heil-heil! Rodgrod med Flode!" said the foreign people in their respective accents...
"Now, there are many words for what I'm looking for- rubles, renminbi, baht- but they all mean money, which rhymes with funny, which you can be if you want." said Krusty. "I don't care. Just do the Krusty show in your country and send me ten percent. Then send me another 60%. Then five percent more, and you're good."
Plot 3
In canon because Skinner didn't fall for Bart's prank he made him wash his car. However in my fanon Oscar blew up Skinner's car last week at grenade launcher training at Military School again...
Instead Skinner was buying flowers and chocolates for Obama because he genuinely believed Obama loved him. Skinner licked his hair and styled it.
Bart winced.
"Author maybe stick to canon..." Bart groaned. No. I'm helping you.
"I appreciate it, narrator, but maybe try to make sense..." Bart sighed.
But him dating Obama is hilarious!
Bart sighed tearful as he buried the bird he crushed.
"No fair! I want the president to get me back on the list for the submarine trip!" Nelson moaned.
Bart winced. It was a prank! Ugh! Why do I bother...
...
Meanwhile Lisa and Krusty in his make up room where he gets ready for each episode of his show were watching the other Krusty's from around the world.
"Rasta hey-hey, on the left-hand side." said Jamaican Krusty. (laughs) "As my mother used to say, "Wanti wanti can't get it, getti getti no want it." Now here's ltchem and Scratchem, mon." Quit jammin Mon! I swear that Jamaican me crazy! Gahahahaha! (laughs)
(cheering) Kids cheer.
They smoke
They toke
They smoke and toke and smoke
Ha!
Smoke, smoke, smoke
Toke, toke, toke
The ltchem and Scratchem Blow.
Um the theme tune was uh... cannabis related as Itchy and Scratchy hit each other with giant spliffs.
"Cooool!" said Oscar in awe.
Lisa was horrified.
The short was called, Pussy Cat, Kill! Kill!
Itchy set fire to Scratchy's dreadlocks. He screamed.
Itchy then wrapped Scratchy up in a giant spliff/joint and smoked him or in cannabis jargon, toked him.
"Man... What is this shit?!" Shorty from Scary Movie 2 grimaced.
All that was left was Scratchy's eye balls. Itchy juggled them.
"Eye and eye say good-bye. The blessings of Jah upon you all." said Jamaican Krusty after the cartoon finished. And apparently the actual show ends after the short animation too.
Lisa was slack jawed in horror.
"Nice. You're a hit all over the world!" Oscar cheered and high fived Krusty.
"No not nice!" Lisa explained with a concerted look on her face. "Krusty you can't show kids anywhere in the world that sort of material! It's not appropriate for them!" Lisa explained.
"Bah! It'll go over their heads..." said Krusty dismissing her.
Meanwhile in a living room in Jamaica.
"Pops? Should I smoke a joint like Itchy?" A Dwight Conrad in the 21st century asked his father.
"Certainly not!" A Hermes Conrad said horrified to to his son.
"Hermes dat show is grossly inappropriate for our boy! You gotsa go out with me and protest!" said a Le Barbara Conrad of the 21st century to her husband.
"Yes dear." said Hermes.
...
Lisa jabbered trying desperately to explain to Krusty it is wrong to show kids drug references in cartoons and that people will complain.
"There's Chinese Krusty with Sideshow Mao." said Krusty.
"I dread to imagine how that ended up!" Lisa was hyperventilating.
"Even lrish Krusty." said Krusty showing the Irish regional Krusty show.
"Me ma, she had 12 children, but only three lived. Then they closed the mill." said Irish Krusty. (chuckles sadly) "Hey-hey." He was in a pub drinking. On his table were some potatoes. (Irish flute plays melancholy tune)
"And it's all thanks to you, kid." said Krusty to Lisa.
"Krusty I didn't want this!" Lisa lamented. "The material the other Krusty's, it's inappropriate for children! And quite frankly that the Jamaican version is centred on cannabis references is really offensive!"
Krusty didn't catch her drift.
"To show my appreciation, I'm gonna bring you with me next time I entertain the troops. Warning: they're not American troops." said Krusty whispering.
"I'm a democrat! I hate war!" Lisa yelled.
"Yeah she's a treacherous hippy..." Oscar explained. (slurps) He slurred on the straw of his soda. "I'll go with you!"
...
Homer found Bart miserable on the school dock.
"Hello, boy. At times like this, there's not much you can say, especially if you don't know what happened." said Homer.
(sobs) Bart cries. D'awwwww! "Skinner didn't let me go."
"Really?" Homer gasped. "Hey, I bet that submarine isn't so fun anyway."
(sniffs) Bart sniffled. "You think so?" said Bart trying to imagine what was going on in the submarine.
"Fire that torpedo, Milhouse." said The Old Navy buddy of Skinner.
"Aye, aye." said Milhouse launching a torpedo. "Where'd it go?"
"It was just imaginary." said The Navy guy.
On dry land Bart cried.
"I know a kid should never turn to his father for help, but I got screwed. Is there anything you can do?" Bart said tearfully.
"As I always say, don't get mad; get dinner. Then get even. With Skinner." said Homer.
Bart cheered up. "You'll really help me get revenge?"
"Yes. What's Skinner's weakness?" said Homer.
"Everything. But especially nuts!" said Bart.
"Good. We can use that." said Homer.
...
Meanwhile on Kang's flying saucer.
Kang was taking a phone call. "yes. Uh huh... uh huh..." He turned to his sister Kodos.
"Well?" Kodos asked.
"Do we want to star in something called Old Navy?" Kang asked.
Elsewhere.
Oscar whistled as he drove his truck for his franchise Oscar's Obstacles about.
He whistled nonchalantly to pass the time. "Just a few dozen more sales then I can hire my own orchestra and instruments for them." Oz you're insane!
At Home Marge, Hugo and the babies did nothing, except probably watch soap operas because they're not in this episode.
They sighed as they watched poorly written soap operas.
...
At Skinner's house.
That song was sung again.
Skinner!
Skinner
You are feeling pretty smug
Skinner was ticking off a list of things he does every morning. Get up. Check off 'Get up', Make cocoa, put marshmallows in cocoa...
Skinner!
Sipping cocoa from a mug
He sipped his cocoa with marshmallows.
When you've reached the mountaintop
Your next step is a drop.
He tripped over something. His mother's lifeless corpse with a knife stabbed into it! Dun dun dun!
"No, no, no, no, no!" Skinner cried.
Skinner!
(knocking) someone knocked at the door.
"I'll be right there. Just saying good-bye to Mother." said Skinner.
(imitates Mother) "Seymour, I'm going out for a walk. Also I'm disappointed I had you!" said Skinner removing the knife from her corpse and putting it in the dishwasher.
"Uh-huh, see you in several months at the soonest." said Skinner. Um how long are her walks?! Skinner put a rug over Mother.
(knocking continues) The visitor knocked again until Skinner answered. Bart and Homer were there. "Ugh... Simpson what do you want..."
"We have a problem, Seymour. I did everything for you and you stabbed me in the back." Bart said with a cold look in his eyes.
"Now just a minute! Hey! I didn't invite you-" Skinner stammered as Bart and Homer entered his mother's house.
"Wait a minute, I knew you were a neat freak, Skinner, but you beat your rug till it bleeds?" Homer noticed blood seeping from under a rug.
(gasps) Bart gasped because Skinner's mother lied dead on the kitchen floor with a knife in her back! Dun dun dun!
"But I just spoke to her! She was going out!" Skinner feigned innocence.
Bart and Homer glared at him.
"All right, I'll come clean. I woke up and, surprisingly, Mother wasn't there beside me." said Skinner. "Oh God! She's dead! Still, I can't be sure I killed her. I mean. No I'm innocent! I didn't kill her! What's going on here? Simpson?"
"Well, I'm sure our town's police force will handle this competently." said Homer playing along smoothly.
"Oh I'm afraid that's not possible Mr Simpson." said Skinner coldly as he pulled out a kitchen knife menacingly. "You see, I did kill mother, in a brutal rage... and now so you won't go to the authorities I must kill you both... Then I'll open a motel and dress up as Mother and pretend she's still alive! Ohohohoho!" Skinner was uh unhinged.
"No Oz! Do not make Seymour Norman Bates!" Bart groaned.
"Mmmmmmm! Creepy..." said Homer.
...
On the submarine.
Milhouse looked up the periscope. Outside the top of the periscope looked about. Oscar with wings flew about. He took out a crate labelled: "ACME Piranhas." He took out a hungry piranha snapping voraciously and opened the lens of the periscope and put the piranha down there.
Inside the sub, Milhouse ran around screaming as a piranha was biting his eye. "Aaaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah!"
"I told you that would happen!" said a random woman.
"No Oz! No referencing that moronic submarine movie Milhouse watched either!" Bart at Skinner's groaned.
At Skinner's.
Wiggum arrived. Because Bart won't let me reference Psycho!
"Oz you did an episode based on Psycho in season one!" Bart whined.
"Now, I could investigate further, but you don't want to sit in a jail all weekend." said Wiggum.
"Chief, that was awfully arbitrary." Skinner asked concerned. He may be deranged psycho who dresses up as his own mother but still he was an intelligent man.
Skinner thought about what would happen to him. He dreamed Wiggum took him to the gallows and had him hung!
"Good work Wiggum!" said Mayor Quimby. (groans) But Wiggum dropped him and hung him too!
In reality.
"Let me handle this. Just go upstairs and shut the door. There are some things only a boy should see." said Homer.
(door closes) Seymour left.
(both laugh) Bart and Homer laughed and Agnes revealed she was still alive! The twists! The shocking twists!
(cackles) Agnes laughed. "Now do you want to dispose of this jelly-soaked pillow?" she asked.
"Just call me The Cleaner." said Homer (slurps) He sucked on the jelly soaked pillow.
Ace hissed baring his fangs.
"Ace it's not actually blood..." Bart sighed.
...
Skinner came down racked with guilt but was astonished to find Mother's corpse missing. Bart was sat waiting with Homer and Wiggum.
"Um, where's the body?" Skinner asked.
"She's in a better place." said Bart softly.
(chain saw rumbling) Homer had a bloody chainsaw! Coooool! "The deed is done."
"Oh, I wish you'd asked me before you..." Skinner said annoyed and disgusted.
"Look, you kill them, I get rid of them. That's always been our deal." said Homer.
"No it hasn't! What are you two talking about?!" Skinner said sharply.
"But I do have one question: Do you want the head?" Homer asked.
"No, no, God, no." Skinner was horrified.
"Well, if you change your mind, it'll be in my freezer." said Homer.
"Mmmmmm... Idi Amin..." said Oscar.
Bart looked concerned with Oscar. Why do you know that about Idi Amin, Oz...?
"But only for a week. Got a lot of ice cream coming in." said Homer.
"Ugh, if this were a movie, Mother wouldn't let me watch it." Skinner sat down disgusted.
"Now, I'm afraid it's time to start your new life. You'll be hunted, on the run, searching for the man who killed your mother, which is you. So avoid mirrors." said Homer holding Skinner's shoulders and looking him deep in the eyes.
"Dad... he's not a vampire..." Bart groaned.
Ace hissed and bared his fangs.
Plot 4
Meanwhile Krusty was now very rich and in charge of a vast media empire. He walked about his busy office.
His agent and accountant had bad news because like every quick rich scheme he is involved in has to fail... Zzzzzz!
Krusty humming)
"Krusty, I have some very bad news." said the agent. "The foreign Krustys are all hotter than you."
"What?!" Krusty yelled.
"Irish Krusty's got a show on Broadway." The agent showed him a trailer of a musical. "Oi, where's your monkey?" In Irish bar wench asked Irish Krusty.
"There never was a monkey. I was just tellin' stories to forget me consumption." said Irish Krusty. (coughs)
(applause) People cheered and clapped.
"Well, you see there, they need to hit the word "monkey" harder if they want to get a laugh." said Krusty squinting.
"Don't you get what I'm trying to tell you?" said the agent frustrated. "You are now the least popular Krusty in the world."
"What about Romanian Krusty?" Krusty asked.
"What, you mean President-for-Life Krusty?" said the agent.
(low groan) Krusty groaned.
Meanwhile in the Dracula Castle. Ace Dracula was watching the Romanian Krusty the clown show. He laughed hysterically as he watched TV.
Back at Krusty's office.
"I still get a piece, right?" Krusty asked his agent.
"Putz. You're the least successful version of you there is. A piece." said his agent.
"Now, let's see where this goes." Krusty groaned.
"Irish Krusty, this is your baby." A woman gave Irish Krusty a baby wrapped up in swaddling.
(Irish babbling)
"The only thing working round here is your libido. Now I know why Ma walked into the sea with her pockets full of rocks, on Christmas." said Irish Krusty.
"Why doesn't this material work for me?" Krusty cried.
"Because you always want to goof off and make a circus of everything! It's alway pie throwing and seltzers with you!" The agent sighed.
"I'm a clown! I'm supposed to be be funny!" said Krusty.
...
At Skinner's.
"Seymour, the cops are on their way." said Bart.
(siren wails) Someone outside played the sound of police sirens ard red and blue lights flashed. "Here's a bus ticket to Juarez and your fake I.D." To my extreme amusement his new name was Dick Fiddler. XD!
"Oh, come on, I don't look anything like this "Dick Fiddler."" Skinner protested.
Oscar screamed with laughter.
"Ow! Oz!' Bart whined as Oscar screamed too loud.
Oscar was laughing hysterically.
"No, you don't... yet." said Homer menacingly.
"I don't want to sound ungrateful, but could I eat one of the potatoes?" Skinner asked as there were some potatoes in a sack.
"Sorry, but Dick Fiddler is allergic to potatoes." said Homer.
Oscar cracked up laughing.
"I understand..." said Seymour.
Oscar was laughing.
"Dad please... we need to give DF a new name..." Bart whined.
"No. I'm sticking with Dick Fiddler..." said Homer
Oscar screamed with laughter.
Bart groaned.
Skinner Aka Dick Fiddler left with his sack of potatoes.
(both giggling) Bart and Homer giggled. I suppose his new name is funny,.. Bart thought as he giggled. "Dad? Thanks for sticking up for me." said Bart.
(laughs) Homer laughed. "Someday I may have to fake my own death. And maybe you can help me with that." said Homer. "Again." Cough Mother Simpson cough.
"Sure, Dad. Someday soon." said Bart. "And Oz I'm aware I already helped Dad fake his own death to get out of litter duty at work on the same week Grandma Mona turned up..."
"Continuity..." said Oscar.
...
Homer and Bart put a Bob Ross Wig on Skinner and a beard.
"Aaaaaaagh! Bob Ross! Please don't kill me! I only told Milhouse about that Bush you painted with winter green paint!" Oscar screamed.
"Oz... shhh! This isn't Bob Ross... It's just Dick Fiddler..." said Bart.
Oscar cracked up laughing. "Dick..."
Bart groaned.
They then put Skinner in a sack of potatoes and put him in a wheelbarrow and took him down town.
"Not even one potato?" Skinner asked.
"No... you're allergic Mr Dick Fiddler..." Bart sighed.
Oscar screamed with laughter.
They put Skinner on a bus and he left. Hopefully never to returned.
Another bus turned up. The Real Seymour Skinner from that crap episode The Principal and the Pauper turned up mad as a hornet.
"You!"
Homer and Bart screamed.
...
In his office.
"Look you Sorry excuse for a stereotypical Jewish Accountant. Which is offensive to my religion!" Krusty ranted ad he paced up and down smoking a cigar. "I'm a funny clown. I'm supposed to be funny! Not sad! Not singing opera! Not scary!"
"Krusty, you're not even good at that! Oscar's little Clown headed jack in a box creatures are funnier than you!" said the Accountant and possibly agent.
"Oh yeah? What have these things," Krusty held up a Clownja with green hair. "Got, what I haven't got?"
"(Face palming) One they don't tell offensive or unfunny jokes. Secondly they don't get in trouble with the law, the Mafia or get addicted to painkillers. And finally the kindergarteners in our fan base really like big red shiny noses for some reason. Hear polish your clown nose before each show. In fact wear a bigger one. The bigger the better. But not too big..." said the Accountant. He gave Krusty some polish or wax to make his clown nose shiny.
'Uh okay..." said Krusty.
...
Bart and Homer got away from the Real Seymour Skinner.
(panting)
"Dad? Thanks for sticking up for me." said Bart again.
(laughs) "Someday I may have to fake my own death. And maybe you can help me with that." Homer chuckled.
"Sure, Dad." said Bart.
"Someday soon." said Homer staring at him as if he needed him to keep to that promise right now! "As in, what are you doing this Friday?"
Bart winced.
At the Simpsons house early the next day. Oscar's truck was in the drive...
Homer and Bart came in to find Skinner, in his Dick Fiddler disguise was sitting in the green armchair.
"Aah! Dick Fiddler!" Homer screamed.
Oscar cracked up laughing.
"Gentlemen, I can't run away from what I've done. I accept that I killed my mother." said Skinner as Dick Fiddler. "My whole life, she's belittled me. Maybe deep down, I'm glad."
"Please don't go Psycho on us!" Oscar pleaded.
Bart slapped his own forehead exasperated.
"This has gone far enough." Marge came in nagging. Homer gasped in shock. "I'm starting to think this "school project" is more than meets the eye."
Oscar held up an Optimus Prime doll and pointed at it smiling.
"Oz no!" Bart whined.
Agnes came in alive and well.
"Mother? You're alive?" Seymour gasped.
"Seymour, when this fat guy and his kid asked me to fake my death to punish you, I said, "Sure, that's something to do."" said Agnes.
Marge frowned and grumbled.
"You know, when you glare like that, you look really beautiful." said Homer to her, sheepishly.
(grumbles): "Mm-hmm." Marge grumbled annoyed at Homer.
"But when I just heard you say you were glad to see me dead... I thought, "Now I'm gonna be meaner to you than ever."" said Agnes angry at her son.
"How is that possible?" Skinner asked.
"I've stopped taking those pills that keep me nice." said Agnes.
(gasps) Dkinner gasped.
...
Skinner had that dream where he was a cowboy and those blues singers sang Skinneeeeerrrrr...
Cowboy Skinner with Dick Fiddler's Jewfro and beard rode his horse solemnly until some Agnes clones in Can Can dresses guided him into a brothel called the Wilted Rose. Eeeeeeeeew!
...
Krusty gathered up all the global Krusty's for a meeting. Some time prior to this he had his clown nose painted gold and shiny.
"Shiny clown nose!" Oscar cooed being babyish over his clown obsession.
Krusty explained he didn't have to take 75% of the other clowns' earnings. But he wants something more. "A bit/cameo on each of your shows."
Krusty was chased in a golf cart by the angry Krustys.
"Twist him like a balloon!"
"Cut off his hey-heys!"
"Let's slice him up and cook him in our traditional dishes." said one of the Krustys.
"Krusty, can't you think of something?" the Accountant asked.
"I'm very bad in a crisis. I also can't ad-lib, memorize anything, improv or tell a joke." said Krusty.
"Uh, you know, why did you even become a clown?" the Accountant asked.
"Well, I was supposed to be one of the sad ones." said Krusty.
"No... You chose to become a clown to rebel against your Dad, Rabbi Krustofski because he dislikes clowns for some reason..." said Oscar riding in the golf cart.
"I'm scared of clowns!" said Rabbi Krustofski.
"Uh... Okay..." said Oscar.
The end!