A Prince's "Sick" Day
Blueblood is envious of Spike and the girls' summer fun while he's stuck at the antique shop. "It just isn't fair. Do I get any fun and thrills? No, I have to work until I croak. Little kids get to have all the leisurely time in the world. I'm lucky I even get a few hours to myself. I'm telling you, this job is killing me. That's 377 bits."
Discord: (in a bind) Gosh, all I got's 250.
Blueblood: (takes it) Next!
Discord: Gee, a discount. Thanks, B.B. What a guy. Short-changed in life, and still gives a customer a break.
Blueblood: (continues complaining bitterly to himself) Does B.B. get a break? No, B.B.'s gotta stay and mind the store... (naughty plans hatches) Or do I? Not if I have someone mind the store for me~
Spike: Prince Blueblood, are you okay?
Blueblood: Why, nothing, Spike. I'm fine. I feel great. A picture of health. (pretends to shiver terribly)
Spike: Come on, you can't con me. What gives?
Blueblood: Okay, okay, I'll tell you, but you've got to promise not to breathe a word. I've been suffering the palpitations of the alter-ego with the twitchy-witchy wabi and Floy Floy.
Spike: (completely dumbfounded by bizarre "illness") What's that?
Blueblood: You don't want to know! It starts with tickles in your ears, the first sign of degenerative earwax-ola. Next thing you know, ear parts start flaking off.
Spike: (disgusted and horrified from fake ear pieces falling into his talons) Quick, call a doctor!
Blueblood: It's no use. What I've got they've never even heard of.
Spike: No...we gotta do something.
Blueblood: Don't worry about me, Spike. Just take care of the shop to help the kingdom keep up their finances.
Spike: Me? B-But I'm just a kid.
Blueblood: A heroic kid. You've got to help Equestria keep standing like you've been helping for so long.
Spike: Yeah, I help save it from villainy, but selling antiques. I've never even sold simple stuff like cookies.
Blueblood: You wouldn't want the princess and king Twilight and Sombra to scrub floors, the kids to peddle pencils, and Chainsaw and Verde to pull sleds in the great white north, (gasps) would you?
Spike: (jumps in fright at the thought) No! No! Okay, what do you want me to do?
Blueblood: Well, I'm glad you asked. I'm going to teach you everything I know about the selling biz which is plenty. I'll have you selling like a pro by tomorrow morning. Rule one: catching a sucker is like catching flies with honey than with vinegar.
Spike: (after elderly mare Granny Smith whacks P.B.[Pete] on the head for deception) Prince Blueblood, I'm no good at this.
Blueblood: Oh, you're only problem is a bad habit of telling the truth.
Rainbow Dash: (rides with Pinkie Pie and Discord) I tell you, Spike would rather see week-old garbage than us.
Discord: S'not his style to chuck a friend. Something's gotta be wrong.
Spike Hurry, hurry to Prince Blueblood's antique shop! We don't clown around when it comes to bargains! We'll turn cartwheels to give ya the best deals in town... (loses balance) Whoa! (falls in Discord's appendages)
Rainbow Dash: All right, Spike, what's going on?
Spike "On?" Nothin's goin' on? What could be goin' on? (chuckles nervously) I promised I wouldn't, but I've gotta tell someone. (whimpers) Oh, girls, it's Prince Blueblood! He's got every disease no one's even heard of, and I had to bring home a bunch of carrots! His insides are spillin' out, his outsides are growin' in, his ears are falling apart and he's a goner!
Discord: (sobs over his "dying" best friend) Poor B.B.!
Rainbow: Spike, we-we didn't know...
Pinkie Pie: (cries, hugging the dragon) Oh, Spike, that's awful!
Spike: And now the kingdom and my family are going down the toilet because my sales are in the sewer because I can't sell antiques to sell my tail bone!
Discord: Don't worry. We'll help ya out!
Pinkie: (wipes tear with handkerchief) Yeah, what you need is a good publicity gimmick!
Discord: A chariot dealer once wrestled an alligator.
Spike: Nah, I lose when I wrestle with Verde!
Discord: What if B.B. did it? Said he wanted some thrills in his life!
Spike: Okay, his minutes are numbered, anyway!
Twilight bakes goods with her daughters as Spike steps in with little towers of bits in his palms.
Spike: Twilight, is this enough?
Twilight: Enough for what, Spike?
Spike sheds tears as Sombra steps inside, wondering why in blazes was Blueblood's stuff in the foyer before they hear the little dragon saying something about saving the kingdom from poverty.
"Enough to keep you and Sombra from buffing bugs of blimps, to keep the kids from selling used braces and keeping Chainsaw and Verde from workin' as a seeing eye dog and bird for bats..."
Twilight: Spike, what are you talking about?
Spike: Well, since Prince Bluebloood is about to push up daisies and I gotta take his place at the shop, (sobs) is it enough to buy everypony a bunch of carrots?
Sombra: (suspicious) What?
Spike: He said his body is turning into trash, and I got to sell buckets of antiques or the kingdom will go down the garbage disposal!
Sombra: So that's what his belongings were doing in the foyer. (whispers to Twilight about what he found)
Pinkie: We got Prince Blueblood to bed.
Discrod puts his appendages on Twilight and Sombra's shoulders) What a slugger. Had to fight him all the way. (cries) Afraid the end is near.
Twilight: You bet it is. The only thing wrong with that bad apple core is envy and boredom.
Sombra: In other words, that court jester of a prince tricked you all into doing his work so he can take the day off from the shop.
Discord: What?
Spike: He wouldn't.
Twilight: He could, he would, he did.
(Discord and the kids yell in fury of Blueblood's deceit)
Twilight: Now, now, now. Boredom is a very stubborn disease. So, I'm afraid the cure will have to be...drastic.
Blueblood: Majesties? Spike? Ah, feeling better. Yes, vim and vigor. Both of them. That's me. Just itching to get back to work. King Sombra? Anyone here? (hears knock that he answers, shocked to see a team of doctors who are actually Spike, Discord and the girls in disguise before they lunge at him) Here now! Who are you lot-?! Majesties!
(Twilight and Sombra smile at their plan before acting sad and concerned)
Twilight: Oh, Discord and the kids told us about your terrible condition.
Blueblood: My what?
Sombra: So we're sending you to a quick-cure clinic for the hopeless.
Blueblood: No, no, you don't understand!
Discord: (takes the wheel after putting in a recorded tape of Spike talking about very cheap prices)
Spike: (German accent) Oh, no, no. (slaps blindfold on Blueblood) Don't look now. Your eyes can't take the daylights.
Blueblood: Wait, wait, stop, please. I'm telling you, the only thing wrong with me is my profit margin!
(Twilight and Sombra, disguised as doctors, too, use the same accents before reading a list of ailments which are, in a way, true)
Sombra: A clear case of terminal lazy-ola.
Twilight: Systemic shirk-itis.
Sombra: And galloping boondoggle-emia. Not a second to lose.
Twilight: What this patient needs is: The heebie-jeebie-ian blood-purification treatment.
Sombra: We'll spin those germs right out of your pores.
(everyone spins Blueblood around in a very dizzying, nauseating speed)
Twilight: (whispers) Time to make his bottom-line break out in a rash. Hit it.
Spike: (plays tape which Blueblood thinks is a clinic radio)
P.B.[Pete]: "Two bits"?! I have to stop him! Let me... (chandelier snaps) down!
(Verde, disguised as a nurse, puts google-eyed glasses on Blueblood)
Twilight: Mmm... extreme shifty-itis of the eyeballs.
Sombra: The treatment failed. Which makes him a perfect test subject, uh, patient for the Equestrian earthworm bath. (everyone throws a whimpering, grossed-out Blueblood inside a bathtub full of wriggling, muddy tickling worms)
Twlight: Now, now, squirming around will just make the earthworms angry.
Sombra: (whispers) Now, let's really make him squirm.
(Spike continues tape of antiques being sold for one bit)
Blueblood: What?! Let me out of here!
Sombra: Oh, my, the patient is becoming agitated.
Twilight: No choice but to resort to the Griffin putrid purge. (everyone smiles behind their masks) Vinegar, mustard and molted Griffin feather oil. Cures one in every thousand.
Sombra: And basically finishes off everypony else.
(Spike finishes tape that says the antique shop's merchandise costs only a lemonade)
Blueblood: (after face changes into different sickening colors before he gags and coughs) I'll be ruined! Somepony, someone, do something.
Twilight: Well, we've done all we can.
Sombra: You'll have to go home and wait for the results.
Discord: (disguised as undertaker, uses grim voice) Unless if you don't make it home.
Blueblood: (fusses and implores as he's slipped into a coffin) Please, you have to take me to the antique shop. I'll do anything. I'll do anything.
Discord: Sorry, it's not on my way to the cemetery. (takes Blueblood to the Canterlot casatle before losing his get-up and hugs the prince) Why, B.B., you're cured! Just hope you're strong enough to take the bad news: Your shop crashed, bellied up, and went out of business.
Blueblood What?! (gallops straight to the shop like a mad stallion before he's in horrifying dismay of his shop)
Rainbow: Ah, buck up, Spike, you did your best.
Blueblood: Spike?
Spike: Prince Blueblood? Oh, thank goodness you're well.
Pinkie: He tried to fill your horseshoes, but he couldn't.
Spike: And now the antique shop is out of business.
Blueblood: Well, not while I'm still living and breathing. Hand over those horseshoes. Whatever gave you the absurd idea a child could run this place? Now skedaddle. Go fishing or something. I won't be needing you. (Spike and the girls celebrate their freedom and plans' success) Something is not adding up. Okay, add two fillies and a dragon, plus a royal couple, times four doctors and a nurse, take away the undertaker... Nah.
I hope you all had fun readin' this. For those of you who know the Goof Troop show, I'm sorry if some scenes have been deleted and unused, I just wasn't sure how to use them in this parody. Anywho, see ya next time. God Jehovah bless.