Alison O'Sullivan looked up as the door to her study opened. She opened her mouth to speak to Gladys when she realized it was little Joan Terry. The first former had her head lowered as she stood there.

"Joan?" Alison called gently, looking up from her work. "What is it? Would you like to do one of my jobs for me again?"

Alison knew she should've told Joan off for entering a sixth former's study without knocking, but she couldn't bring herself to, after everything the girl had been through. Alison still couldn't believe another sixth former could blackmail her, or that the other first formers could treat her so callously.

Joan looked up at Alison. To Alison's horror, her eyes were red-rimmed, and her face was stained with tears. "Alison, I..."

"What? What is it?" Alison asked in concern, standing up from her desk. She made her way over to the distraught girl. It wasn't the first time she had seen Joan like this. She remembered last time when she had confronted Joan about being the thief who stole from the sixth. "Are you hurt?"

Joan opened her mouth to reply, but only let out a sob. Alison quickly took a handkerchief and handed it to Joan. She was extremely familiar with the distressed sight. She had spent most of her school years doing the same thing. She didn't turn on the water tap as easily anymore, but she could never scorn someone else who did like her cousins did.

Joan wiped her eyes, staring up at Alison. "Thank you, Alison. It's nothing, really. It's just..."

"You're still upset over everything, aren't you?" Alison asked. "I can't say I'm surprised. I would be as well. You've been through a lot this term."

"But I wouldn't want to bother you," Joan insisted, backing away. "I know you're probably busy."

"Nonsense," Alison insisted. "I told you my door is always open, remember?" In a firmer tone, she added, "I have to say, though, Joan, it would be better for you to make friends around your own age. I'm sure they're much more exciting than me." She remembered how she had sometimes worshipped the mistresses and older girls.

"No, they aren't!" Joan insisted firmly. "You're nicer and prettier than any of them, Alison." Alison couldn't help smiling slightly. Being worshipped wasn't that bad after all, when she was on the receiving end. "And, anyway... they don't want me around, either."

"Don't tell me they're still cross with you," Alison said. "I thought you had made friends with the twins. The Lacey twins, of course." It was strange saying "the twins" about anyone other than her cousins. She couldn't help thinking about how she and her cousins had eventually become friends as well.

"I thought I had," Joan insisted, wiping tears away from her eyes. "I really thought we were friends. Dora and Daphne told me all about their family, and the tricks they played on their parents. They talked so warmly with me, I thought they really liked me. They laughed and talked with me, like they had never been cross with me before. I felt bad about not having any interesting stories to tell them. And... and I became careless. I did something so stupid. I can't believe how stupid I was."

"I see," Alison said, having a feeling she knew where this was going. "And you told them about what was behind the whole business with Priscilla?"

"I know, I know," Joan wept. "You and the others agreed not to tell anyone after I begged you to, and I was so worried about anyone knowing. That's why I even did all those terrible things for Priscilla. And then I revealed it anyway. And now, everyone in the first form knows..."

"Now, now, Joan. Calm down," Alison instructed. "You're going to make yourself sick. Go sit down, and I'll make you a cup of tea."

She headed away to turn the kettle on, reflecting on how rare it was for the older girls to do jobs for the younger ones in their studies. When she returned, she offered Joan the steaming mug. Joan stared at Alison in shock while accepting it.

Alison watched Joan drink, slowly calming down. "And you're saying the twins told everyone your secret?" she demanded. "Even if you did tell them, you should've been able to trust them to keep it a secret." She winced immediately after saying that, remembering how she had never been able to keep anything a secret in her time as a first former. "If they were your friends, they wouldn't do such a thing."

"I don't think they meant any harm by it," Joan admitted. "They said that since my dad's name was cleared, and he wasn't guilty in the first place, I shouldn't have a problem with it. They said it would make everyone else like me even more to know how much I was willing to put up with to protect him."

Alison stared at the girl. "Perhaps they're right," she admitted. "It wasn't exactly honorable of you, doing what you did, but you were just trying to protect your father. And Priscilla can be very intimidating when she wants. I'm sure none of them blame you."

"Well, most of them were fine with it," Joan admitted. "Most of them felt sorry for me. They said they didn't know how I could bear living near Priscilla. Some of them even apologized for how they treated me."

"Well... that's good," Alison said cautiously. "I knew they'd be angrier at Priscilla than at you."

"But not all of them," Joan continued. "A few of them called me a coward. They said I was weak-willed and spineless if I let others blackmail me. The same way I go trailing after sixth formers..."

Joan trailed off, and Alison put her arm around her. "They're wrong," she insisted. "It must've been terribly difficult for you. Any of them probably would've done the same if they were in your place. They wouldn't find it so easy, even if they pretend they would."

"I suppose you are right, Alison," Joan admitted, resting her head against Alison. "But I still feel like a coward. Even Daphne and Dora seemed to think so, though they didn't tell me. I know I'm not brave or strong like the others. I'm much too weak. I wish I could be brave like the twins."

Alison stared at Joan as she tore up again. She had often wished the same thing. She didn't understand how her cousins, or the other girls in her form, for that matter, could brush things off so easily. Alison couldn't help taking everything to heart.

"I'm sorry, Alison. I don't mean to bother you," Joan apologized, pulling away. "I'm such a baby, crying like this. Only a few of the girls even said anything like that, and yet, I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe they were right."

"No they weren't," Alison assured, comfortingly rubbing Joan's arm. "All you can do now is move on from it and try to be stronger. And you already were, when you told me everything."

Joan glanced up at Alison. "Do you really think so? You were the one who confronted me about it. I didn't even have the courage to tell you I was the thief."

"Maybe not," Alison admitted. "But I can hardly blame you for that. You know, I was almost worried the others would suspect I was the thief. After all, I was the only one who hadn't gotten anything stolen."

Joan stared at Alison in alarm. "Oh, Alison! I never even thought about that. I couldn't bear the idea of stealing from you after how kind you had been, but I didn't even consider that it would make you look suspicious."

"Don't worry, they didn't suspect me," Alison assured. "They knew I would never do anything like that. They only realized the thief must be someone who liked me."

"Oh, right," Joan sighed, remembering how Alison had told her. "Of course they wouldn't. You're much too kind to do anything like that. I bet the others simply adore you."

"Well... not exactly," Alison admitted, feeling the urge to make Joan feel better. "In fact, I was most unpopular in the first form. Nobody else could stand me, even my own cousins. They all thought I was silly and vain and empty-headed. And I was, a little." Joan stared at her in surprise. "When I was sent to do one of the top former's jobs, do you know what I did?"

"What, Alison?" Joan asked curiously.

"She told me to light her fire for her," Alison explained. "And I didn't even know how, but I was too embarrassed to admit it. She told me to take the paper and use it. I saw her French prep, and I thought it was old work she didn't need anymore..."

"Oh, Alison!" Joan exclaimed. "You didn't."

"Yes, I did," Alison admitted sheepishly. "I burned all of her work. They were all furious. Not just the top formers, but my own form as well. I was surprised when not one person felt sorry for me. I cried as I told them what happened, but they just told me to grow up and stop setting a bad example for them."

"Oh, Alison, I'm sorry. That's awful," Joan muttered. At the same time, Alison didn't miss the slight relief on her face. "And I thought breaking that photograph of your parents was bad."

Instead of being offended, Alison felt happy that she'd cheered her up slightly. "Don't worry about it, Joan. Looking back on it, I probably deserved how they treated me."

Joan suddenly smiled. "I'm glad you didn't get too cross with me when I broke your photograph. I guess that's why you didn't."

"Oh, that?" Alison asked. "Well, that was part of it, but it wasn't just that. You looked so timid and sorry that I couldn't be mad at you, especially knowing how much you adored me."

"I really did feel sorry about it," Joan admitted. "Especially since my own parents weren't around. You know my father wasn't, and my mother was always a bit cold and distant, especially after what happened. I always felt lonely at school. I guess that's why I was so happy when you paid attention to me."

"Really?" Alison asked, surprised and flattered that the younger girl was telling her so much. "I thought you just liked doing jobs for me."

"Well, I did like that," Joan admitted. "But only because you were so nice. I know you might not understand, but it's nice to feel wanted."

Alison hesitated. "The truth is, Joan, I'm a bit like you." Joan stared at her in surprise. "I sometimes got into the habit of admiring the other girls when I was younger as well. Just a little, mind." She knew that if the others were here, they'd be laughing their heads off upon hearing what an understatement this was. "I also liked feeling useful and having someone to trail after, even if they didn't always like me."

"You did?" Joan exclaimed. "How could they not like you? They must've been amazing, if even you admired them."

Alison laughed self-consciously. "Well, not all of them were. I even admired Angela at one point, who now shares a study with Mirabel. And I see now that she isn't the nicest person."

"Definitely not," Joan agreed. "When she called me to do one of her jobs, she blew up at me about the smallest of things. She wouldn't let me leave until I did everything perfectly."

"Still, maybe she has reason to be cautious. Did you hear about that time Claudine's sister Antoinette poisoned us by serving us toast with shoe polish?" Alison chuckled. "Looking back on it, it was rather funny, even if Angela was furious. Antoinette supposedly confused the shoe polish for anchovy toast, but I'm still not sure whether she did it on purpose. She wasn't nearly as upset as I was when I burnt Rita's French prep."

"Gosh," Joan muttered. "From everything I've heard, I suppose breaking your photograph by accident isn't much in comparison." Alison was pleased to see Joan cheer up slightly, but then she lowered her head. "But everything else I did is. I bet you never betrayed your own form, Alison."

Alison hesitated. "Well, not exactly betrayed, but close," she admitted. "When I was in the third form, I used to admire the head girl of the school, Margaret Winters. I even told her all about a trick we were going to play on the second form. Then she sneaked about it and got all of us into trouble."

"How dreadful!" Alison exclaimed. "Did she force you to sneak, like Priscilla? It must've been hard to refuse."

"Well, no," Alison admitted, embarrassed. "Actually, I willingly told her. She didn't even blackmail or threaten me. I was just such an idiot, and she seemed so nice that I thought it would be safe to tell her. But I was very wrong, and then the entire form blew up at me about it." She smiled at Joan, forgetting all about how embarrassing the stories were in her desperation to make the first former feel better. "So you see, Joan, I was even worse than you. I wasn't scared or desperate, just an idiot."

"I suppose so," Joan muttered. "But that was just one mistake."

"Oh, I made several of those," Alison assured. "I was never very popular in my own form, like I told you. Even my own cousins didn't like me much. I might have admired others, but they didn't seem to think much about me, and I never really had a true friend the way Mirabel or Janet did. The other girls always said I was a vain, silly feather-head. And in some ways, I suppose they were right."

Joan stared up at her idol with a mixture of disbelief and relief. "How could they think that about you? You're the kindest person I know!"

"Maybe, but not the brightest," Alison chuckled. "I often was an idiot."

Joan drank the last of her tea. "Thanks awfully, Alison. You've really made me feel better. And I didn't even do anything for you in exchange. Would you like me to clean your shoes, or..."

"Don't worry about it," Alison assured. "My door is always open. And don't worry about the other first formers. They all hated Priscilla much more than they ever disliked you. I'm sure they'll soon get over it. Any of them would've acted the same way if they were in your position."

Joan smiled, looking much better. "Thanks, Alison. You're awfully nice. I wish you weren't leaving St Clare's so soon."

"Don't worry. You'll make many friends your own age," Alison assured, remembering how she had cried when her own idols had left. "Perhaps I could visit you after I leave."

"My parents were very grateful to you when I told them what you did for me," Joan admitted. "They said they'd like to meet you. I do wish you lived near us instead of Priscilla."

Alison smiled at Joan after they exchanged addresses. "Still, maybe it's a good thing I'm leaving." Seeing Joan's face, she added, "If I stayed on, you'd probably keep showing up and spending most of your time in my study. It isn't that you'd be a bother to me, but that it'd be harmful for yourself. It's much better to have friends to laugh and spend time with than idols to worship."

"Yes, maybe you're right, Alison," Joan agreed. "I spent too much time with you and Priscilla, and not enough with the others in my form. But next term, I'll try to make more friends." She smiled at Alison. "Well, I should be going now. Now that I think about it, Daphne and Dora were glaring at the ones who made fun of me. They were probably about to give them a good telling off. I think they feel guilty about what they did as well."

"I'm sure they'll be good friends, if not the best of influences," Alison assured. "Just like my cousins, Pat and Isabel. I hope you'll make many more friends, Joan. Just try not to worship them too much."

Alison watched as Joan left, smiling. She thought she had made a good effect on the first former. Both she and the other girls never would've believed many terms ago that she would've been a role model for anyone else at all, let alone a good one. But she had matured greatly from all her years at St Clare's, and now was seeing a reflection of herself in somebody else. She couldn't help wondering if Pat and Isabel had felt the same way when they discovered the existence of the Lacey twins, who had gotten into mischief the same way they often did. Or if her own idols felt the same way about her, but she knew that probably wasn't the case. They only tolerated her at best. But she really felt a kind of affection for Joan that was returned.

I loved how in Sixth Form, Joan worshipped Alison in the same way Alison worshipped others, especially when Alison told the other girls about it and they stared at her blankly before laughing, causing her to have a moment of realization. It was so funny and adorable, and I just had to write something about it. I referenced other moments from St Clare's books as well. I've been rereading them recently, and while I greatly prefer Malory Towers, there are some nice parts, like this.