I don't know why I wrote this, but Kratos is going to brutally speedrun Konosuba.
He didn't recognize his surroundings.
Just as he was closing in on Zeus, some ghastly ghost form of his caught him unaware. Kratos could feel his life being sapped from his body as he lost his will to continue. And yet now, he opens his eyes in some foreign land.
The architecture before him was alien to him as it wasn't Greek in design. However, it was not unlike the sizable villas some in Greece had. Contrary to what the Greek gods thought of him, Kratos was no fool. He needed information on how to return to his homeland and would get it by any means necessary. Even now, he had no idea how he got transported here.
Initially, he suspected he had perished in his battle against Zeus. It was of no consequence if he had, Kratos would break out of the underworld and try again. After all, with Hades dead, who would stop him? Regardless, these lands were too fertile, too full of life to be some odd location in Hades. Therefore, this wasn't Zeus's doing as he would have undoubtedly killed Kratos given the opportunity. He had already done it once.
Inspecting himself, Kratos found that he had all of the weapons and tools before his fight with Zeus. The Blades of Exile were a welcome weight on his back. The Golden Fleece shined in the morning sun. Rolling his shoulders, he prepared to speak to the resident of this property.
Kazuma and his party were enjoying breakfast together, a rarity given their penchant for waking up at completely different times.
"That's why Kazuma should let me, a true goddess, get more allowance money."
Kazuma scoffed as he chewed on his scrambled eggs, "As if. You'd just spend it all on all alcohol." He pointed his fork at her, "That just means more debt for the rest of us."
"But-!"
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Who could it be at this hour?" Darkness wondered, staring off into the distance at the front door.
"I don't know..." Kazuma muttered, somewhat uneasy given their past luck. He pointedly looked away from the door and didn't get up to answer it. "Oh well, they can come back later."
Megumin stared at him as he went back to his meal with disappointment. "So lazy."
Darkness shook her head as if already resigned to this behavior. "Are you sure about that? What if it's something important?"
"If it's important, they'll come back!" Aqua offered.
"Exactly, Aqua." He gave her a thumbs up which she eagerly returned.
That was until he heard the subsequent knocks.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The adventurer's enemy detection skill pinged so hard and so constantly that Kazuma almost thought it was faulty. Kazuma's hands started shaking so badly that he couldn't even finish his food. He felt like he was about to throw it all up.
"Kazuma?! What's the matter?" Megumin questioned, shocked at his random bout of fear.
"M-my Enemy Detection skill is hitting me harder than anything I've ever felt in my life." The sweat was rolling off him in waves. The skill was passive, so it wasn't like Kazuma could just mentally shut it off. Megumin attempted to calm him down.
Holding out her hands in front of her, she told him, "Kazuma, breathe! Slowly."
Aqua, never sensing the room's mood, laughed in ridicule at Kazuma, "Is little Kazuma afraid of answering the door now? Truly the mindset of a NEET. Darkness, go answer the door." She shoo'd the crusader with a wave of her hand.
Blue eyes snapped to Aqua, "Me?!"
"If it's someone dangerous, then it's best you answer it. That's what you want, right?"
Immediately, Darkness got up from the table and ran to the door in excitement. What, or who, could it be? A sleazy politician trying to buy their vote? Is some drunk coming to the wrong house? While those were her fantasies, none would get Kazuma to react like that. Perhaps it was a male Orc in the wild?!
With these things in mind, Darkness opened the door. She was even surprised to have to look up at their visitor. She wasn't short by any standard of the kingdom, but this man dwarfed her easily.
The first thing she noticed was the striking red tattoo flowing through his body, along with the muscle this man possessed. A large nasty scar bisected his abdomen. What was also striking was his choice of clothing. He sported nothing but a loincloth and boots with wings on them. Chains wrapped around his forearms, tightly from what she could see, connected to two blades on his back. His skin was as white as snow.
He looked down at her, clearly agitated at having been made to wait, and opened his mouth.
"What is this land called?" His voice was very deep.
Darkness blinked before answering, "Erm, the Kingdom of Belzerg. Um, forgive me for asking, but... who are you?"
The man crossed his arms. "You would be wise to not learn of my name, woman. I require information."
Woman? Darkness supposed there was hope yet to be mistreated. "Oh... then would you like to come in? It's hardly courteous to leave a guest outside." She stepped aside from the doorway and held a hand out to her side, beckoning him to come inside.
He stared at her gesture before turning his amber-eyed gaze to the rooms adjacent with intense skepticism, dropping his arms back to his side.
"My companions are eating in the other room, but we can answer your questions if you need help."
Kratos grunted before reluctantly walking inside. The woman wasn't threatening in the slightest, at least. The sword stationed at her hip was the only weapon she seemed to have.
Darkness hurriedly walked in front of him and led him to where everyone else was eating. "Right this way!"
The other three turned to the doorway to the dining room when they heard footsteps approaching. It became dead silent when they laid eyes on him.
"O-oh! Darkness, you brought him inside! How nice of you!" Kazuma grunted with badly concealed fear and displeasure, a strained smile adorned his face.
Not that Kratos cared. He would be rid of them once he knew where to go. They weren't worth the effort.
"Everyone! This man seems to be lost, so I invited him inside so we could help him!" She turned to him and pointed towards the closest chair, "You can take a seat."
He didn't and instead crossed his arms yet again.
Megumin's worries disappeared as soon as she saw him.
"Oh, wow! Hey, what's your name? Where are you from? You look so cool!" She approached him like a child inspecting their new toy. Her eyes sparkled in wonder and amazement. "That's a cool tattoo you have there, it's just as red as my eyes, see?"
When Kratos looked down at the child, his eyes softened. His daughter manifested in his mind's eye. Calliope was always curious about many things and would ask Kratos endless questions that he was happy to answer.
"I come from Greece, child."
Megumin immediately pouted, "I'm not a child!"
'Greece... like from Earth?' Kazuma thought to himself, he refused to believe a guy like this existed on his home world.
Aqua slammed her hands on the table. "I knew it! I knew I recognized you from somewhere!"
Immediately, Kratos narrowed his eyes at the blue-haired woman. His hands itched for his blades. "How do you know of me, woman?"
Aqua put her hands on her hips, "Woman? I have a name, you know!" She raised her hands, "I am Aqua, yes, that Aqua! Goddess of Water!"
Kratos snarled, "A god, you say?" Now it made sense. Only a god could know of him. He stalked forward and moved Megumin out of the way with more force than was maybe necessary. Kazuma noted the man's anger and scrambled to calm him down.
"No, no! She's just joking! Isn't that right, Aqua?" He laughed awkwardly, hoping Aqua would catch on. "Shut up!" He whispered at her end of the long table.
"No, I am a Goddess! Why doesn't anyone believe me!?" She cried.
Kratos only grew more infuriated.
"But hey, you're Kratos, right?" She pointed at him, oblivious to the danger, "God of War?"
"G-g-god of war?!" Megumin shouted in shock. "That's an awesome title!"
"You're a long way from home," Aqua noted, which gave Kratos pause.
If she knew of Greece, then perhaps she could tell him how to return. If she proved useful, he would spare her for now. While he trusted no god, only they could know how to get home...most likely.
"You know of me and my homeland. What is the path required to return?"
Aqua shook her head and put her hands in the air with a shrug, "There is no path back."
Kratos stepped up to her, "That is not what I want to hear, woman. You will grant me the answers I seek."
The blue-haired deity scoffed, "Is that any way to talk to someone? I don't have to help you, you know!"
The ash-skinned warrior grabbed Aqua by the neck without warning, bringing her to his level, face-to-face. She choked and sputtered as her feet flailed in the air. Kazuma and others branded their weapons, albeit Kazuma was shaking like a leaf.
Darkness ran up to them with her sword drawn and threatened, "Put her down! We won't hesitate to defend her!"
"Y-yeah!" Megumin said from the farthest corner of the room. Her staff was in hand, "I won't hesitate to blow you to smithereens!"
Kratos ignored both of them.
"You will tell me all I want to hear without delay. Any more senseless prattle and you will not see the end of this day."
Seeing as he wasn't going to let her go anytime soon and with Aqua getting blue in the face, Darkness charged at him. She took a swing at him, which he didn't even bother to dodge as he dropped Aqua to the floor like a sack of potatoes.
Instead, he grabbed Darkness by the neck with zero difficulty and threw her through the wall of the mansion. She went flying for a while before catching herself and staggering to her feet. Kratos stomped to her, his nostrils flaring. She couldn't even feel much pleasure from this beating while her friend's lives were on the line.
"Darkness!" Kazuma yelled. He turned to the smaller girl with him, "Megumin! Prepare your explosion magic!"
"R-right!" She ran outside as Kratos reached Darkness.
She stood against him and tried to defend herself, but even her armor hardly did anything to lessen the blows he rained upon her. It was only through her absurd defenses that she even stayed conscious after the first, as his intent to kill was quite clear. Darkness could taste the blood in her mouth after the second punch landed until he punched her in the side of her head. It rocked her balance and she found herself on the ground, face first. Her endless endurance was at a breaking point.
Kratos raised hit foot to crush her head into mush, but Darkness's body was quickly snatched away in the blink of an eye. The God of War's foot left a sizable dent in the ground.
Kazuma dropped Darkness's injured form behind Megumin. His Lurk skill deactivated, he told Megumin to let her magic loose.
"I'll punish those who hurt my friends! Take this! Explosion!"
A series of magic circles appeared in the sky. Kratos looked up, unsure of what was coming, but if the child's words were true, it wouldn't be pretty. In the moments it took for the spell to activate, Kratos used the Boots of Hermes to sprint away from the attack, leaving a golden shine where he took his steps. The Explosion was immense and the mansion itself barely withstood the shockwaves due to how close it was.
Megumin fell into the grass below, unable to move after casting her spell.
"Did I get him?"
"No! He got out of the way!" Kazuma panicked. There were well and truly screwed if Megumin couldn't get him.
Her head snapped up to see for herself. "W-w-what?! There's no way he dodged that quickly! I even skipped my chant!"
Kratos stared at the boy, the anger radiating off him in waves.
Kazuma held a hand out, "Woah! Stay away from us!"
If Darkness couldn't withstand blows from this guy for even thirty seconds, Kazuma was sure one punch would send his skeleton flying out of his body. Or turn his bones into dust. This was like facing the final boss of a difficult DLC at the start of the main game! What gives?!
Kratos approached him quickly but was surprised to see the blonde woman stand again.
Darkness got up shakily and stood in front of Kazuma, trying her best to stay upright. "I... won't... hah...let you...hurt them." She said through painful gasps of air. Her sword was long since abandoned, opting instead for her fists. A trail of blood flowed from her mouth to her chin, dripping onto the grass below.
Kazuma grabbed her shoulder and shouted, "Darkness, you can't fight this guy! You might seriously die, you know?!"
She wiped the blood away with her arm sleeve, "I'll do what I can."
Kratos appraised her, "A true warrior shows no fear."
Darkness almost managed a smile, "I'm not scared of you."
The older man scoffed, "That is where you are wrong."
The woman attempted a right jab towards Kratos' face, but it was caught by the man. He twisted her wrist, eliciting a cry of pain from her. He lazily pushed her back as she clutched at her damaged hand. Closing the distance, Darkness could do nothing as Kratos grabbed her head and rammed his knee into her face, knocking her onto her back. She lost consciousness from the blow and blood flowed freely from her broken nose. He stood over her, a hand going to a singular blade, ready to cut her head off.
As he reared his hand back, he heard a sharp cry.
"NO! Don't kill her!"
Turning his head, he saw the small girl on the ground, screaming at him to stop. The tears rolled down her face freely at the brutality, but what shook him were not her tears.
It was the fear.
The same fear his daughter had looked up at him with. Those same dreaded eyes. Immediately, unbidden, the memory of how he murdered his family replayed in his mind once again. The words people used when they heard of his misdeeds. A monster. Evil.
Would he lose himself once more by ruining yet another family? The question raged in his mind long enough to give him pause. He wasn't above it, he knew. He'd done it before in the Spartan army plenty of times. That was until he experienced it himself. Just this once... maybe-
"GOD BLOW!"
Kratos was knocked back harshly by a fist being rammed into his right cheek. Flipping himself mid-air and righting himself, he saw the blue-haired goddess once again standing before him. He narrowed his eyes. The blow she gave him was powerful, much more powerful than he would ever expect from this group. Perhaps her godly power was finally being wielded.
He unsheathed both of his blades as she stood her ground breathing heavily. It seemed she had put quite a bit of effort behind the blow.
"You thought it would be that easy to take me out? Guess again!" She boasted. A pink sash now hung around her neck, almost floating above her shoulders. A divine relic? "A goddess won't lose in the face of evil!"
Kazuma took the time to move Megumin and Darkness inside before all hell broke loose. He knew Aqua was exceptionally powerful as a Goddess, or at least she had to be, right? But with most of her power sealed away until she returned to Heaven, he genuinely worried about her well-being for the first time in his life.
"If you will not help me, then you are against me."
Aqua settled into an unorthodox stance Kratos had never seen before, "I won't ever help someone like you! Just look at what you did to Darkness." Aqua's demeanor changed into that of a god dealing with the blasphemous heathens of the damned. "I'll make sure you get sent where you belong."
Kratos threw his blades forward attempting to bisect the woman, but the chain was caught by a man that sprouted from the ground.
"What sorcery is this?" He questioned.
The body morphed into more discernable features, a suit, a dual-colored mask, and white gloves. "Ah! Just the man I was looking for, I hear you need help."
Kratos retracted the blades and the man let them go without a fuss.
"You damn demon! How did you get here? I should purify you where you stand!" Aqua yelled at him with more vitriol than usual. "Get the hell out of here!"
Vanir turned to her with a sneer. "I've seen the outcome of this battle, middling goddess. I assure you, you do not come out the victor." He finished with a laugh of superiority. "Though your pesky aura stops me from seeing the details, the destruction of this area is assured. Surely a 'benevolent," Vanir made a gesture indicating mockery, "goddess such as yourself wouldn't put your allies at any more risk, no?"
Gasping, Aqua turned to her friends. Darkness was battered to bits, Megumin was completely immobile, and Kazuma wasn't strong enough to carry both out of harm's way at the same time. The fear in both of the latter two's eyes was palpable.
Vanir's voice brought her vision back to him, "Now, why don't you let me help this man instead?" He smiled a truly devilish grin, "Unlike you arrogant gods, devils help everyone no matter who they are. Go away and play."
Aqua hated this man. She truly did. Every instinct she had was telling her to erase this disgusting slug of a creature out of existence and back to hell from whence he came. Wiz was at least a former human who had forsaken her humanity but Vanir was a demon through and through. She ground her teeth in anger at his stupid smile but turned away from his antics just this once. When the safety of her friends was concerned, Aqua could learn to pick her battles. If it meant Kratos would be out of their hair, she would let it slide.
The next time she saw him, however, would be the day he received divine retribution. She ran off to heal Darkness, leaving both the Demon and God of War alone.
Finally being rid of the goddess, Vanir turned to Kratos and asked, "So, how about we make a deal?"