Characters: Sanada Ryo, Byakuen

Warning(s): Pre-series, Angst, Self-Doubt, implied abuse

This Doubt I Have

"He's not coming home yet."

Byakuen growled comfortingly, the vibration reverberating through Ryo's body in an attempt to sooth his human friend. The young boy tried to smile, but it was thin and weak, reflecting his inner sadness. Still, his hands were prompt to bury themselves in the white tiger's thick fur, scratching him. It was comfort for Byakuen, but it was also comfort for himself.

"I knew it wasn't…" he sighed as Byakuen pressed his snout against his belly. "I always knew there was a chance he wouldn't be home on time, you know?" he confided to the powerful animal. "He had hinted early on he might take three back-to-back contracts, since his latest client was very impressed by his work and had further work for him, but… I still thought he'd come home for a few days at least."

Many would have found it laughable, the way he kept talking to Byakuen like he would to another human, but the white tiger wasn't a normal beast and he was far more intelligent than any other human not named Sanada Ryo would suspect.

Byakuen understood everything, and it made Ryo feel so grateful…

"It's not even the first time," he murmured, pressing his forehead against Byakuen's. "I know we need the money, truly, I do, but he's so rarely home anymore those days… Though," his eyes hardened a little, "maybe it's for the best, in the end. As much as I wanted to see him at least once before things become… ugly… If he's away from work, then I won't have to lie to him or have him try to stop me when the time comes."

Byakuen growled again, paws coming to rest on Ryo's knees.

"Ooof! Byakuen, you're heavy," he complained, but Ryo's smile was wide even as he did so, hands on either side of the tiger's head, sighing happily as Byakuen rubbed his head all over him. "Really," he murmured, "it's best if he's not around when the Youja will come."

He looked through the open window, eyes narrowing as he watched the sky. It was a bright, sunny day even if the air was still crisp. Spring was coming closer and closer with every passing day, and a few of Ryo's classmates had started talking excitedly about the upcoming blooming of the sakura trees and how, if the weather held up, their soccer team would be able to start training again.

But soccer was the very last thing on Ryo's mind those days.

Yes, the sun was back, the temperatures were slowly rising, the days were becoming longer, and soon the school year would be over and done…

But there was something else in the air. Something only Ryo and four other boys across the country could sense.

The time was coming near where Arago, Emperor of the Youjakai, would start his invasion of Earth. It wouldn't be long, now – weeks, perhaps not more than a fortnight.

The country was going to turn into a battlefield.

And Ryo, as a Samurai Trooper, would be fighting evil for the sake of humanity. Something nobody else knew, and especially not his father, for Ryo had never had the courage to tell him. Not after seeing his reaction the very first time where he had seen Ryo training in iaido or repeating katas with twin katanas.

The look on his father's face then… the sheer, naked horror, the rage that had followed, the argument, the slap when Ryo had proclaimed he wouldn't stop training just because Dad was uncomfortable and what did he care anyway when he was never around…

Dad had hugged him, after. Horrified at his own reaction, reassuring Ryo it wasn't his fault, he was just overwhelmed, he had never wanted to hurt his son, not like he had been when he was younger…

Ryo had never met his Dad's family. He had always been curious about them, since he had very few relatives on his late mother's side. But given Dad's reaction… it was probably best he had never met them indeed.

What had they done to the usually strong, level-headed man to make him loath the idea of weapon training so much?

At least Dad had never forbidden him to continue, Ryo thought grimly. If he had… Ryo had no idea how he'd have managed to prepare himself in time for the upcoming battle despite Kaosu's warnings and lessons. The idea was terrifying.

Ryo's father was still unhappy and uncomfortable with his son's 'hobby', as he called it, but he hadn't… He hadn't made Ryo stop.

Instead… he had started to avoid his son. Taking longer assignments. Shortening his time home between two contacts, saying they'd need the money for when Ryo would go to college, even if it was years away, and Ryo wasn't even sure about what he wanted to do yet…

It was just a pretext, albeit one anchored in practical concerns.

It hurt. Of course it hurt. But Ryo had learned to take it in stride. Mostly.

And still, for all their relationship had started to turn sour, Ryo… Ryo was feeling selfishly relieved his father was unlikely to be around when it would happen. That he would be safe, outside of Japan's frontiers.

"Am I a bad person for that, Byakuen?" he asked the tiger softly, never stopping scratching or petting him as the white animal purred comfortingly. "So many people around me are going to be affected… my classmates, the people in the village, my teachers," he listed, heart giving a pang. "Even if the Youja do not come here, many of them have family in Tokyo or its immediate area."

Byakuen's growl shifted tone, becoming questioning.

Ryo's expression turned grim. "I know the worst of it will happen in Tokyo. I can feel the energy that has started pooling there," he murmured under his breath, closing his eyes briefly, senses stretching, searching for the undercurrent of malice that had been prickling at him since the start of the New Year, when he had first realized the countdown had started. In a way, it was logical; what better place for an enemy to strike than in Japan's very own capital? "There are so many people in the city who risk getting caught up in the fighting… and still, the only one I truly care about right now is Dad. How pathetic is that?"

Byakuen licked his cheek, paws pressing harder on Ryo's knees.

No, he didn't think his cub was selfish, he tried to convey with his eyes. Ryo was only human. He was a nice boy, pure of heart and determined, but he was also just a boy who had only the one parent left. True, Ryo's father was often away and their relationship had taken a hit when the man's personal traumas had raised their ugly head, but he was still the boy's father, and Ryo loved him dearly. It was normal for the boy his enemy would call Rekka to worry about his immediate family before worrying for the rest of the world.

It didn't make him a bad person. It only made him a dutiful, kind son.

Byakuen wished he could make his cub understand that.

Fortunately, Ryo had become an expert at reading him his feline companion and he had always been perceptive beside.

Warm blue eyes met brown, and Ryo buried his entire face in Byakuen's fur, his breathing deep and controlled. "You're a great friend, Byakuen," he whispered. "I hope… I hope the other Troopers will be as nice and understanding as you."

Byakuen growled, and Ryo's lips twitched. "I guess it means 'of course they'll be, else I'm going to bite them'," he chuckled as Byakuen roared in agreement, making Ryo laughs in earnest.

"I'm going to fight, Byakuen," he said as he leaned away from the tiger, a frown of determination on his face. "You'll see. I'll fight for everyone, and I'll keep them safe, all of them. Dad… Dad will already be," he nodded to himself, trying to sound as confident as possible, "so I shouldn't worry about him anymore, eh?"

And if his smile was still a bit unsure and brittle as he spoke, well, Byakuen would never tell anyone.