Chapter 1 - The Drive
Staring out the window, I watched the steamy gray clouds roll past my window against an oily black sky. My fingers traced the window, feeling the cold air from the outside air. The inside of the plane was stuffy and bright like a doctor's office. People were coughing and sneezing every few seconds, it was definitely January. I continued to stare out of the plane window fantasizing about day to day life and interpreting everything that's ever happened to me.
I was on the plane to visit my friend, Chris. He was a long time friend who I had known for years. Around 2020, his father had obtained a better job in his childhood hometown: Portland, Oregon. We've stayed in touch since and I've visited a few times. I always enjoyed my visits to Chris's. His family was very nice, especially his dad who shared a similar academic interest that I did. Continuing to look out the window, I notice the ground getting closer and closer to the plane. As the wheels of the plane hit the tarmac, my phone sprung back to life after not having service in the air. Emails, ads, and messages flooded my screen, almost overwhelming me with the new digital age my phone was experiencing. Unexpectedly, I had received a message from Chris's dad: Tim Graham. Nervously, I checked the message (nervously because I was a little intimidated by Tim). It read: "Hey Killian, I'm waiting to pick you up. Let me know when you're close to baggage claim". I quickly felt my face turn red. So, I'd be alone with Tim for the time being until I got to Chris's house. It's not that I was scared of Tim (Dr. Graham), it was more like I had a slight crush on him for his looks and brain. He had always been an important part of my life, cheering me on through certain academic ventures and also being very supportive when I came out. Thinking about all of this and growing redder by the second, I suddenly hear a voice call out.
"Hey, Killian," Tim said calmly as I almost walked past him because of my deep concentration in thought. Startled, I quickly snapped my attention to him.
"Hello, Dr. Graham," I said, stammering and almost giggling over my words. I was laughing at myself for the fact I couldn't just greet normally. Tim was dressed very handsomely that day. His brown skin perfectly complimented his black (now graying) beard. Silver glasses were perched on his nose, giving him an intelligent but quiet complex. His hair was slicked back, still looking wet even though it was the end of the day. A long gray coat clinged to his shoulders that housed a tight button down, a nice tie, and (again) tight khakis. Lastly, a large satchel secured across his chest. His put-togetherness took me aback slightly, feeling myself slightly blush at the older man. For me, I wasn't wearing anything fancy. I had stocky Doc Martens on that made me grow two inches in height and a basic khaki/sweater combo. Suddenly, I realized I was staring into his eyes without continuing my greeting.
"How are you?" I said, quickly picking the conversation back up.
"Good," he said, eyeing me up and down "How was the flight? Easy?"
"Yeah," I said quietly, why did he eye me like that? "Got a whole row to myself and just listened to music the entire time."
These conversations were always awkward, it was something that had to happen but I dreaded it each time. Hearing our boots clop through the airport halls, we made our way to my baggage claim where we stood and waited for my bag to sluggishly make its way around the conveyor belt. As I was going to grab my suitcase, I felt a pair of thick hands on my shoulders. I was quickly moved away as Tim stepped in front of me, silently volunteering to take my bag.
"Oh, thank you," I said awkwardly, rubbing the spot where the doctor had put his hands. Sadly, that action caused me to get aroused slightly, having to scramble to hide any embarrassment that could be seen. Luckily, I had reset myself before he turned around again. I was ashamed of my attraction to a man like Tim. He was way older, a husband, and a father, thinking of possibly having relations with him is taboo and gross. That's what I always told myself. Holding my suitcase, Tim walked ahead, guiding me to where he parked his car. Gulping down the rest of my flusteredness, I quickly followed behind. I sat in the passenger seat as he loaded my suitcase.
"Thank you," I say again.
"Oh, no problem," Tim says, smiling at me. As we began the drive, Tim began grilling me on my academic life. I passionately answered his question each time, meeting him with a smile and an over-explanation on each topic. Tim had a silly smile on as we made corny jokes about school only nerds would understand. He enjoyed this conversation because his son, Chris, wasn't as academically inclined as me. So, I think Tim likes to take this opportunity for me to be the "son" he's always wanted. Deep in conversation, Tim hits a bad patch of black ice in the road, causing the car to swerve just slightly. Quickly, he tries to secure me with his hand as we slide. The sliding quickly stopped, with the only witnesses being the flickering street lights above the car. Suddenly, I looked down. Tim's hand was on my thigh and very far up my leg. He quickly removed his hand.
"Sorry, didn't see that there," Tim said as the tone from the earlier conversation quickly died in front of us. He slowly removed his hand, almost brushing my thigh.
"No, it's ok I do that all the time," Lying as I live in Florida where there is zero chance of black ice. We continue the drive in silence.
Chapter 2 - The Essay
"Do you write any essays?" He asked, breaking the silence in the car, trying to rekindle the mood from before the awkward almost car crash.
"Yes," I said with a smirk, he knew I was an english major so I wondered why he asked this. "Why?"
"I want to read them, or at least one," He said, smirking back at me, "Just wanna see how you really think." From the hand on the thigh to the flirty remarks, my mind was in fantasy land with the possibility that Tim liked me romantically. However, I quickly extinguished these thoughts by my own hand, reminding myself of who Tim really was. I reached into my backpack and handed him an unmarked essay on the struggles of gay men in a perpetually straight society.
"Basic topic," I said, discrediting myself "but I still think it's good."
"I'll read it tonight." Tim said with a serious tone.
Accepting this, I looked out the window quietly for the rest of the drive until we finally arrived at my friend's house.
Walking into the house I asked: "Where's Chris?"
"Did he not tell you?" Tim said with a confused look.
"What?" I said, dreading the worst.
"He'll be here tomorrow morning with everyone else," Tim said as he prepared two tea cups for him and I. Looking at the time, which read 8 P.M., I couldn't go to bed yet or it would look like I was avoiding Tim. Taking the tea cup I followed him into the houses' living room. He sat on a wide couch capable of seating two people but, out of respect, I sat in an armchair parallel to the couch. There was a fire going, so the room felt warm but in a nice way. Orange light bounced off the walls making it feel like the room was another part of the world, not attached to the house. Before I sat down, Tim had already laid himself out on the couch, stretching his impressive body in fatigue. Picking up my essay, he began to read in silence. I was taken aback by the way his eyebrows danced in thought, he was actually taking in every word I had written. I took this as my time to observe Tim, drinking in the man's body in pale orange light. Everytime I noticed something that I liked, my mind would scream at me. Its screams were filled with the shame I should've been feeling. Feeling full from looking at the older Indian man, I turned my attention to a book I had brought on the trip. I quickly distracted myself from my lust by trapping it in between pages and chapters where no one could find it. Suddenly, I felt a pair of eyes on me and a feeling that something had just ended. Looking up, I could find Tim taking me in with his eyes with the soft essay crinkled between his fingers.
"Did you like it?" I said quietly, not expecting much. Tim throws the essay onto the table separating us.
"I loved it," He said, with passion "it's some of the best writing I've seen, you're ahead of your time". I giggled.
"Ok, ok, thanks for the over compliments," I said, in a sarcastic way. Suddenly, I felt the same rough hand grab onto my own.
"Don't say that," Tim said, his dark eyes peering into mine "You're an amazing writer, the words you write change my emotions with every letter and sentence." My heart was racing with the fantasy that I had tried so hard to distinguish the whole night. This was a father, a husband, a 30 year age gap, what was I thinking.
"Come over here," Tim said, with his voice suddenly becoming silk. I awkwardly walked my way over to the couch where he sat and placed myself as far away as possible from him. We stared at each other for a minute, I felt like I was shrinking into the couch with anxiety. Suddenly, he breaks the silence.
"You're writing," He said, staring up at me with wide eyes "makes me realize something." My mind is racing with thoughts, trying to reason what could I have possibly written to make this Princeton-graduated doctor realize something new about life. As Tim speaks, he gets closer and closer to me closing the distance between us. "I'm living a lie," oh no "your essay made me realize what I truly want". The doctor is now sprawled in front of me with his mouth near my ear and his arms near my waist, it was like he suddenly became drunk with pleasure. Shakily I asked:
"What do you truly want?"
"You." He said, I could feel his hot breath brush against my ear making me feel electric. He brought his face in front of me which was wrought with lust. I was dreaming, I had to be. This was my friend's dad, someone's husband, someone's father. But here I was, sitting in a dream-like, orange room with Tim basically melting into my lap asking for my body. What did I do to get into this position? Losing my own will to keep him back, I began to question him.
"Why do you want me?" I said, not moving as Tim continued to push his body farther onto me.
"You're what I've always wanted," Tim said, staring at me, "two brilliant minds combining in a passionate act. Isn't that something you've wanted to try?" Tim was making a point, here was an older man (who I had a certain lust for) telling me I had a brilliant mind and wanted to engage in passion with one another, how could I refuse? Before voicing my agreement, I felt his hands brush my face, completely stunning me into silence.
"Let me kiss you," the doctor says in a near whine. I nod silently which launches Tim into action. He slowly drags his rough hands up to my shoulders to pull himself up, I felt the weight of him as he pulled himself up to meet faces. I could smell him, he smelled like sweat and pine trees. As we sat there frozen in time, one face next to another I took in every little feature of his face. Each strand of his beard was beautiful, his dark eyes swallowed me whole, and his woozy smile made me want to stay with him forever. He leaned in, closing the final inches between us two joining us into a kiss. I felt his tongue enter my mouth and begin to attack me, we began making out as our hands explored each other's bodies
I stayed focused and calm as I traced from his neck to his waist with my hand, teasing little grunts out of him. I could also feel his hands beginning to rub down my back, getting to my ass. He began to cup it and pull me closer into him, merging our bodies as one. After our mouths tore away from each other for air, the room's mood had shifted. The room felt even warmer and I wanted to cry tears of joy. The lust I felt for the doctor in front of me was pounding at my chest, making me want to dive back in for round two of making out. I calmed myself, however, reminding myself of who I was making out with.
"Sorry," I said, thinking that I had done something to tempt him.
"What do you mean, Killian?" Tim said, in confusion and with a laugh. I could see that a sizable erection had formed in his khakis, I definitely caused him to feel something. "That was something I've wanted to do since I picked you up today." Before I could argue, his mouth was on mine again and he was not taking any more worries from me. Giving up on complaining, I let him scoop me up from below. We kept making out as he carried me up and out of the living room. Leaving the living room, I expected to get cold but the heat from the both of us was more than sufficient. I suddenly felt myself be laid onto a bed, with Tim towering over me.
"What's next," he said with a sly grin. With my mouth watering and an impressive man towering over me, I began to look below his waistline where I could see his hands working at something.
"I have a pretty good idea," I say, sitting up, and lining my head up with his crotch. I was his and he was mine, for now.
Chapter 3 - Smart Ass
My hands became slender as I played with his zipper, now bulging outward with his cock. As I unzipped his pants, Tim unbuttoned his shirt. I reached into the darkness of the zipper feeling for something until I caught something. It was his cock, now beating in my hand with desire. I slowly began to move my hand up and down, finding that Tim was quite sensitive. Keeping this in mind, I stood up on my knees to meet the doctor's face.
"Can you do me a favor?" I asked, stroking his hair. I had control, even for a second.
"Sure," Tim says in a tone thick with lust and gruff. Without me asking him, I moved him to lay down against the bed. I began to kiss him again, hanging over his body. I slowly move my mouth away from his bearded face and begin to lick at his nipples. They were stiff but perfect in my mouth, I felt Tim shake under the bites of my teeth, surprised at my skill. I continued to trace my mouth down his brown body until I was at his crotch again. I slowly removed his pants and was met with the bulge of his underwear. Staring at the piece of clothing, it wasn't hiding much. Just from the bulge, I could tell that Tim had a solid, cut 8" cock waiting for me. I began to lick at the outside of the fabric, teasing him. I felt his breath increase with moans intersplicing each jab of my mouth. After beginning to taste the man's precum, I decided it was time to get to work. As I was removing his underwear, a scene appeared in my mind, moans filling this empty house. This time was for us and us only, no one would be able to hear us (well, unless we're a little too loud). I grabbed his bare cock in its full glory. I lowered my mouth onto his cock, sensually licking the tip as I took him in farther and farther. The doctor began to tremble under my dangerous mouth, with my tongue driving him mad. Flicking my tongue over the head, and circling it while I went down on his thick cock again.
"Killian- you're driving me crazy," Tim said in between moans. In response I removed his cock from my mouth with a pop and let his wet cock slide against my face while I smiled, teasing him. Suddenly, Tim grabbed me and pulled me onto him. At this point, I was sitting on his chest with his cock dangerously close to my still fully clothed ass.
"You're a smartass," Tim said, smirking up at me as he began to palm at my bulge, sending me into ecstasy. His thick, tough hands sent vibrations through my body making it hard to concentrate. He was getting revenge on me by putting me in this position, I was at his mercy now. I felt him undo my pants and latch his mouth onto my white cock. I looked down and I saw him smiling with my cock in his mouth. His beard bristled against the tip of my cock, almost sending me over the edge. Suddenly, I see the doctor lick his finger and bring it behind me. Suddenly, I felt something thick enter my ass, it was his finger. He began to stretch my hole as he continued to suck me off. I felt as if me and Tim could merge into one, with me melting into his very being.
"You want me?" Tim asked in between takes at my cock. "You want me inside you?" Feeling lost and dazed with pleasure I blurted out my next answer.
"Ye- yes, Dr. Graham. Put your cock inside me please I need you," I said, not realizing I had not called him by his first name. I had really aroused him. He reached into his drawer and grabbed a bottle of lube. Still sucking me off with a smile, he lubricated his cock. Before he was even ready, I lowered myself onto his thick cock. Tim let out a guttural moan that traveled all the way to his cock, shaking inside of me. I felt him beating inside of me and I loved it. I took a moment to remove myself from the heat of this moment and realize that I am sitting on my best friend's dad's cock. Sadly, this made me more aroused and made me begin to slide up and down on Tim's girthy cock. Feeling his cock slide deeper and deeper each time with him grabbing onto my waist was sending me into an orbit of pleasure. I had never felt something greater, leaning back into a mess of moans. While still inside of me, Tim flipped me over to lay down. He began to rapidly pump into me, the slaps of our skin ricocheting off the old Portland house walls. I began to fade in and out of a pleasurable unconsciousness, with Tim's thick, brown cock slamming in and out of me. It felt like we were one as Tim laid into my back, connecting like a puzzle piece. He felt so deep inside of me as I felt his sweaty body move on my back, further sending me into a moaning mess.
"You fit me so well," Tim said in between thrusts "let me fill you." With that statement, Tim began to fuck me even harder. The sounds being produced became louder to a point I covered my mouth to stop me from screaming. His speed had begun to indirectly rub my hard cock against the bed sheets below, getting me closer and closer to climax. Suddenly, Tim began to get weak as he reached his climax. He leaned all the way down into me, sending his cock as deep as possible and pulling me into a kiss. He moaned into my mouth as he filled my hole with his seed. At the same time, I felt myself reach climax and begin to spill my sperm onto the married couple's bed. His cock softened within me as we laid there, panting and still processing the madness we had just gone through. I felt his soft cock slide out of me, leaving me cold. I could feel the older man breathing heavy against me, with his chin in the crook of my neck. I felt his stomach fit into the shape of my back as we laid there, one on top of the other.
"So," Tim said, whispering into my ear tiredly "when Chris gets here, we're still doing this right?"
"Yeah, sure," I say as I rolled out from under him and faced him while laying on the bed, "we can definitely make things work." I said as I began to kiss him again. After a while, I found myself in his arms while we fell into a deep sleep.
Chapter 4 - The Morning
I woke up in the exact position me and Tim had fallen asleep last night. I had been completely shut down from me and Tim's activities from last night, which were now starting to feel a little too real. The living room, the essay, and now in bed. As the events began to replay in my mind, I felt Tim shuffle next to me. Ignoring this, I continued to look at the wall while Tim began to cuddle me more. I felt his beard brush my shoulder, making his head parallel with mine.
"Good morning." He said, sleepily. His voice still flowed through me like warm water, making me relax into him.
"Good morning." I reply sternly back. I was still sorting out what had happened the night before. Questions raced through my head like: "How? Why?" and most importantly "Should this continue?" These questions made it hard to respond to Tim's now mobile hand on my body, again attempting to engulf me in embrace. I grabbed his arm and moved it away and rolled over to face him. Staring him down, his eyes were calm.
"Why did you do this?" I asked almost feverishly, not having an answer to these ethical questions was biting at me.
"I have a better question," Tim says smoothly, still locking eyes with me. "Didn't we both do this?" He finishes the sentence as his mouth tips into a toothy smile. I had always been used to getting with men who didn't question like this, I always felt smarter than them even if I was on the bottom. It always made it fun when I could outwit my partner, but with Tim, this didn't seem possible. He had pinpointed what I had said during our act last night, he wasn't forcing himself onto me. I mentally scolded myself as things that I had said last night flashed through my memory. How stupid could I have been to assume that this man couldn't have known better. He did know better and that's what was bugging me. Chris's dad had always struck me as very smart but meeting him on this level was new and sickeningly exciting. I fire another question.
"Why?"
"Because you're just better." Tim said this time with a straight face. Better? How could I be better? He has a family, a wife, and an amazing job. He wouldn't throw it away for some 18 year old.
"I know you've had a crush on me for some time," He said, restoring his smile. "You wanna know something?" He continues.
"What?" I say, still not satisfied. He pulls me into his chest, with our bodies intertwining.
"You don't think I notice how you look at me? The way you talk to me?" Tim whispers.
"Sure, but what about you?" I say in a matter of factly way.
"Because you're special to me Killian" Tim says, as he begins to brush my morning hair with his hands. I was frustrated, he wasn't giving me a good answer. What was tugging at me more was the thought that I enjoyed this, I wanted more.
"So, what now?" I said, trying to put Tim under the magnifying glass. I quickly realized I failed by the fact his smile persisted.
"We keep it a secret." He says, simply. My heart began beating fast. Was he planning this? I was moving to Portland to attend university that year. I quickly swept the thought of making this long term to the side. I finally snapped fully back into reality, being freed from the rapid thoughts of my mind. Me and Tim, still naked, in his bed. Suddenly, Tim kissed me on the lips before sitting up in bed. The quilted burgundy blanket intertwined with his bare body, hiding and revealing his impressive body. As he stretched, he let out a groggy and shaky sigh. Stepping out of bed, he fully exposed his body. I had an instinctual reaction, almost shielding my eyes out of shame. Quickly reminding myself of the relationship me and my best friend's dad now have, I got used to this notion. Tim turned to his nightstand and opened the drawer, fishing out a box of Camel cigarettes from the disorganized contents of wires and paper. Closing the drawer gently, he quickly opened the pack of cigarettes. Within the pack, there was a small lighter and 10 cigarettes at the ready.
"Aren't you a doctor?" I said smugly, "shouldn't you be against smoking?"
"Yeah, yeah," Tim laughed as he propped a cigarette in his mouth. It hung at a downward angle as he began to fish out the lighter. "You're telling me you don't?" He said, firing back. I crawled over to his side of the bed, sitting on my knees. With a smile that made his cigarette go upward, he handed me one. As I played with the cigarette in my hand, Tim lit his cigarette. I became red again watching the man play with the now lit cigarette between his fingers. Admiring him as he took his first drag, I propped my cigarette in my mouth. Waiting for the gift of fire, I began to think about how unorthodox this whole situation was. I was sitting on a bed that did not belong to me, smoking with my best friend's dad. I was pulled out of my mind again, with the spark of a lighter in front of my face. I quickly took a puff off my cigarette, blowing the twirly smoke towards a shuttered window. The sunlight that poured in between the cracks of the blinds created an art piece of swirls and clouds. I admired it as it fell to the ground and filled the room with the smell of smoke. Tim picked up his loose pants on the floor and put them on, loosely securing the nice belt I had admired since the moment we met at the airport the day before. Following his lead, I rolled back over to my side of my bed to also put my pants on. I silently followed him out of the room, almost hiding behind him. Realizing that no one was home or knew about the events that were happening, I stepped out from behind him and walked confidently next to him. We walked to the kitchen that was perfectly clean, everything was perfectly in place. Not knowing what to do with myself, I sat myself at a bar that shared the table with a stove. I watched Tim as he dug through drawers and took out an assortment of kitchen materials. He reached into the fridge, grabbed a carton of eggs and a carton of creamer then turned to the pantry and quickly grabbed a bag of coffee grounds. Watching him, I sunk back into thought. I began to feel my pockets and notice the emptiness of them. My heart dropped as I realized I hadn't checked my phone since last night.
"Everything all right?" Tim says, staring at me with a smile.
"Give me a second," I said quickly, standing up from the bar chair and making my way back to the living room. I found the essay still sitting on the table as I grabbed my phone from my backpack. Picking up the phone, I had missed a few texts. Rubbing the non-lit end of my cigarette on my pant leg nervously, I opened my phone. Some messages were from my mom asking if everything had gone ok which I quickly responded with an excuse about my phone dying and how everything's fine and I had made it to Chris's house, conveniently leaving out the fact Chris was nowhere to be found. Weirdly, I hadn't received any texts from Chris. I quickly dealt with an irrational situation where Chris had somehow found out about what had happened yesterday, but I squashed this in seconds focusing on other distractions on my phone. It was normal for Chris not to text, he wasn't good at responding and you often had to annoy him to get a text back. When would the rest of the family get here? I asked in my head as I continued to scroll on my phone. With my cigarette in one hand and my phone in the other, I felt weird and exposed. Storing my phone in my pocket, I walked back to the kitchen. Tim had made progress on his breakfast while I was busy on my phone. I looked at the bar to find an ashtray with his half-smoked cigarette quietly sitting next to a blue mug. I walked back over to the bar and sat back down, now in front of Tim. Tim was occupying himself with making scrambled eggs, even though he handles medical instruments everyday he was finding it hard whisking the egg yolk in the small bowl he was using. I took another hit of my cigarette and then placed mine next to Tim's in the old ash tray.
"What happened?" Tim said while leaving most of his focus on pouring the egg yolk into the buttered pan on the stove. As I prepared my answer, he quickly grabbed a spatula to move the egg yolks in the pan.
"Just forgot to check my phone," I said, indifferent.
"Anything from Chris?" Tim said, still focused.
"No, your son never texts back" I said, annoyed. Tim threw back a laugh that I had not known I had missed.
"Yep, you usually never can get an easy answer from him" Tim said smiling.
"Speaking of," I said, meeting Tim's eyes. "When will everyone be back?"
"Tonight," he said, focusing back on the eggs in front of him. I felt my heart sink a little, even though I was scared of this new reality, I wanted it to continue. I withheld me talking about last night again, getting the sense that Tim had already made up his plans for me. It was weird not being in control, I wanted to be with Time but it felt wrong. I would be lying to my friend, I'm an utter housewrecker. I had always fantasized something like this, writing of it in my leatherback journals, believing it would never leave its lines. However, here it was set up before me. I struggled in my mind to believe this is what I really want. I'd have to admit that I was beginning to fall for Tim. I had always viewed him as an impressive person in my life and this new connection was addicting. Tim began to pour out the eggs onto two plates. He picked them up and gently walked over to a small table in the kitchen and placed them down parallel to each other. I got up from the bar and picked up salt and pepper on the way over. As I sat down, I grinded the salt and pepper onto my eggs, watching the small particles of flavor fall. As we ate, we observed each other. I felt like an assistant to Tim, an assistant who knew too much. I watched him masterfully eat his eggs, avoiding any part of the food to stick to his (still) well groomed beard. After every bite, he wiped his mouth, ensuring that no food was left on his face. He observed me as well, probably noting the way I ate my food in a very sequential order. Left to right, right to left, up to down, I would pick a direction and eat that way. By the end of the breakfast, the lack of dialogue left me feeling like Tim was mad at me. Letting out a sigh of relief, Tim smiled at me. The smile he shot me reminded me of the woozy smile he had used in the living room, making me feel cautious.
"We should get cleaned up, you've still got airport dirt all over you," he said giggling to himself, acknowledging the obvious irony of the situation given what else happened last night. "Follow me," he said, standing up and collecting the plates. He quickly threw them into the sink for later, I noticed his sudden renewed energy in his steps. He took my hand and led me back to the bedroom where my clothes were still scattered. Tim led me into the bathroom and closed the door behind us.
"Let's get cleaned up," he said as he began to tug at my pants. My concerns returned to my mind flooding it but as Tim pulled me closer, and continued to pull my pants off, I couldn't help but allow the thoughts to fizzle while willingly stepping closer to him.
Chapter 5 - The Shower
Now naked, me and Tim stood in the bathroom. Tim fumbled with the shower curtain before pulling it open. Reaching in, he turned the shower on. Closing the curtain, he turned to me.
"Now," he said, walking up behind me and pulling a chair with him. "Sit down." I obeyed and silently sat down in the chair, my naked body met its cold embrace, making me shiver. As I braced for Tim's touch I felt his hand brush through my hair, messing it up. He traced his hands through my hair and traced his fingers down the back of my neck. He unhooked the silver chain I had been wearing and put it to the side. His hands continued their conquest to my ears where they removed my earrings. Tim's precision with my earrings were tough yet soft as he handled the jewelry.
"Ok," Tim said, turning towards the shower. "Let's get in"
"Oh, together?" I said, jokingly. I felt my cock go half-mast quickly.
"Stop playing dumb." Tim said, grabbing me and pulling me into the shower with him. As we stood under the hot shower, our bodies touched at different points. I could feel Tim's, now harder, cock brush against mine. I could feel his stomach lean into me. Suddenly, I felt Tim's hands on my dick, stroking it slowly. With his other hand, Tim grabbed a bar of soap and began to scrub me down sensually. Slowly, he traced the bar on my chest, spending extra time circling my sensitive areas. He put the bar of soap into his hand that was on my cock and stroked them together. This made me shake a bit, losing my will to continue standing.
"Your turn," Tim said, running his thumb over the head of my cock. He handed me the soap and I quickly got to work. I started with his chest and circled his nipples feeling them become hard under my touch. I traced the bar of soap down to his waist and kneeled down on the ceramic floor of the shower. I put his, still half-mast, cock into my mouth. I could feel my desire grow stronger as I felt his cock expand in my mouth, increasing like a sponge in water. I felt his hands grab the back of my head and push me further onto his brown cock. I lifted my head away from his cock, letting it exit my mouth with a pop. I began to sensually lick at his head, making sure to hit all of his sensitive spots. I felt Tim pulling on my shoulder, signaling for me to stand up. Standing up I met him at eye level again.
"Wow," Tim said, breathless. Realizing that I had almost made him cum in seconds, I pushed. I reached my hand forward and began to stroke him off.
"You want some more?" I said teasing him, finally back in control. This control was short lived as he pushed my hand away and quickly got on his knees. His response time was so quick, I could barely register his mouth on my cock as he began to suck me off. I froze, letting out a groan of pleasure. He was working quickly, licking my head then engulfing my cock. He repeated this until I was moaning his name. He took my cock out of his mouth and smiled up at me.
"You want some more?" He said, mockingly. Before I could respond, I felt a new sensation on my cock. It was Tim, rubbing it against his thick beard. This new feeling gave me pleasure like no other, quickly sending me to my limit. Becoming a moaning mess, I released strings of cum onto Tim's face, covering his beard mostly. As I could barely collect myself, I heard Tim laugh.
"Wow," He said, cleaning his face in the stream of the shower. "You've got quite the supply," he said, licking some of my cum off his fingers. I felt my cock grow hard again despite being pushed to my limit just seconds ago, watching Tim do this was unspeakably hot. Turning his attention towards me, he pulled me into him.
"Don't worry," he said, whispering behind the drone of the shower. "I won't forget myself." He said, referencing my earlier question. Turning me around, he slipped his wet, hard cock between my ass. Pushing his cock just so slightly against my entrance that it didn't fully go in, he circled my ass, making me moan in pleasure. I felt him push inside of me, connecting us once again. He started slow, I could feel his pubs stick to me as he went in, and slowly peel off as he pulled out. As I was on all fours and he was on his knees, he continued to fuck me beneath the barrage of the shower. The heat from him being inside me and from the shower, sent me into ecstasy. The range of sensations I was feeling was indescribable. Feeling Tim shake behind me, I knew he was getting close. I rotated myself on my back to face him as he fucked me. I stretched up and pulled him into a kiss as he began to fuck me faster.
"You're so good Killian," he said, moaning into my mouth. "I love you." He stuttered into incoherent curses and moans. I could feel his warm cum spill into me, weirdly satisfying me. Laying there, panting, we stared at each other. I could stare at him for ages, his soft, aged brown eyes looking down at me, locking me in that position for as long as they held me. Did he truly love me, or was that a product of the pleasure that came with this affair. His eyes, however, did not hold regret. Laying there in the shower, his eyes met me with genuine love. It felt like going outside for the first time after studying for ten hours in a cold classroom, the sun's rays embracing you in a warm welcome. That's what I felt pouring out from Tim's eyes in limitless amounts. We both stood up and cleaned ourselves up, for real that time. Stepping out of the shower, Tim hands me a towel. He silently watches me as I dry my body off. Handing him the towel back, he began to dry himself off. I broke the silence.
"You think this could work?" I said, acknowledging the obvious. Tim looked up at me as he ruffled his hair with his towel.
"I want it to," he said. "It would be our secret."
"This is a pretty big secret," I laughed to myself.
"Doesn't that make it fun though," he said, stepping to me and cupping my face in his hands. Debating letting this go any farther than it had, I responded.
"Yes, but-" I was interrupted by Tim's lips meeting mine. I closed my eyes in defeat as I held onto him, desperately. I began to feel the emotional connection that ran between me and Tim strengthen. I wanted to stay here forever. These new emotions were ground shaking but they were exciting and new. I couldn't help but feel I wanted to stay like this forever, me in Tim's arms and just alone. Tim's love for me began to engulf me, making me feel the same. However, as his lips left mine I couldn't help but feel the pang of guilt that continued to grow worse. As I put my pants back on, Tim led me to the guest room. Beginning to realize that me and Tim's alone time was coming to an end, I entered the room and said that I would see Tim when Chris got to the house. Giving me one final kiss, Tim turned away and walked away, vanishing into the halls of the house. I stripped down and got into bed. The guilty thoughts that plagued my mind slowly vanished as I fell into another deep slumber. The only thought that remained was the feeling of Tim's eyes on mine.
Chapter 6 - The Journal
After dreams of an older man who was becoming far too familiar, I woke up feeling reenergized and focused. Walking into the guest bathroom, I analyzed myself in the mirror. I ruffled my hair, accepting that it wasn't going to look its best. I played with my earrings nervously, as I leaned closer to analyze myself. I stared at my reflection for a few seconds, trying to find some sort of irregularity. Noticing the slight peach fuzz that highlights my chubby face more, I stepped away from the mirror. Looking at my whole body, again now wearing loose pants, I began to question. What does he find so special about me? Not that I hate myself, but I'm not the most flattering guy. I usually don't mind how I look in context to other guys, but Tim was different. Realizing that I was only wearing pants I decided I needed to change. Peaking out of the door, I looked down the hallways of the Portland house as if I was about to cross the street. Quietly, I made my way to the living room. Not wasting time, I quickly fleeced the room. I picked up the essay that started it all along with my backpack and suitcase. Feeling the weight of these items, I attempted to quickly walk back to my room. My legs suddenly got caught on one another sending me straight to the floor. Letting out a loud grunt of frustration and pain, I attempted to quickly get up. It was too late, however, as I began to hear heavy footsteps from a different hallway. Tim emerged looking unusually good. He seemed to have opted to keep his clean state upheld, unlike me. His hair was slicked again, just like at the airport, and he had returned his glasses to their rightful position. Seeing him like this again made me feel like everything that had occurred was simply an entry in one of my journals that had now fallen out of my backpack. One of my leatherback journals laid by Tim's foot, laying open on the floor. He picked it up, and to my horror, he began reading through it. Trying to get up, he began to read an entry.
"I got to stare at Tim today while he laid on a pool chair, I couldn't look away." Before he could finish I snatched the journal away. Tim was laughing, I looked at him angrily. He was getting to me, the way he could act so dumb and so smart at the same time. He adjusted his glasses before turning his attention back to me.
"You've definitely had your eyes on me for some time," he says, slyly smiling at me. I could feel my face turning red quickly. Even though, at this point, my emotions were fully on the table, I still felt I had been exposed.
"Yeah, sure" I said admittingly. "You look pretty good in a bathing suit." I said, trying to make it sound rude. Tim bent down and picked the rest of my items off the floor. He handed my backpack back to me. Purposefully, I began to walk out with the intention not to give him another word. With suitcase in tow and backpack strapped on, I made my way past him. However, before I could, he stopped me as I came next to him. He bent down, slightly, to meet directly with my head. His slight height advantage had always swooned me but, in this case, it left me feeling timid.
"See you tonight," he said, his tone shifting back to a certain gruffness. His older voice always shook me and this time was no exception. Before I could move, he walked away and disappeared into the kitchen. This game was becoming too much for me, Tim had me under his palm. I couldn't help but feel excited for what he had planned even with everyone home. I began to fight the thought that I wouldn't care if I got caught. I snapped my attention to the hall in front of me and made my final conquest to my room. I placed my backpack on the bed for later and opened my suitcase. I picked out a white button down, corddry pants, and a sweater vest. I often got comments on the way I dressed, like an old man. I thought it made me look good but some disagreed. I liked the way it made me feel smart. Inspecting my outfit one last time, I made my way out into the hallway. Following the aroma of chicken, I found myself in the kitchen. Tim was busy over by the stove, making what looked like a combination of rice, chicken, and other veggies. I sat down at the same bar that morning and pulled out my phone. My notifications were still quiet with no text from Chris. I opened up my messaging app and lazily typed out an all lowercase "when will u be here". Putting my phone face down on the counter and dreading when Chris would arrive, I turned my attention to Tim. I couldn't help but admire him as he cooked. His sleeves were rolled up to reveal his hairy and worn arms. His fingers danced with kitchen utensils as he prepared a large dish for four people. Hearing a buzz come from my phone, I quickly picked it up, expecting a message from Chris. I was greeted with a washed up news headline from two weeks ago that left me on a deep dive to decide who was truly right in a probably useless debate. Opening my camera, I looked at myself. I quickly noticed that I had left my earrings in my bathroom. Excusing myself and exchanging long glances with Tim, I hurried to my room. I entered the bathroom and secured my studs in both ears, assuring they were in place. Distractedly, I began to walk back to the kitchen. In order to get to the kitchen, I always had to pass the entrance to the house, which was an elegant, white old-style door. As I passed it, I stopped in my tracks in response to knocking. I shakily walked up to the door and I slowly opened the door. My stomach began to feel sick as I was greeted by Chris and his mother, who stood slightly behind him. I smiled as best as I could.
"Come in!"
Chapter 7 - The Dinner
Exchanging awkward hugs with both Chris and his mom, I lead them into the kitchen. My stomach couldn't help but drop further as I watched Tim hug and kiss his wife. As he gave her a hug, he stared at me down with the same eyes I found in the shower. Shivering, I turned to Chris.
"How are you," I said jokingly, returning to a better mood. Despite everything going on, it felt easy to communicate with Chris.
"Tired," he said, rolling his eyes. Chris had to drive almost seven hours from Victoria, Canada. Even though he meant well, I could see the exhaustion in his eyes. Chris finished putting his stuff down and walked with me back to the kitchen. Dinner had been set and Chris's mom, Cassidy Graham, and Tim were already sitting down. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I sat down at the table. The table was awkwardly big and square with one chair on each side. There was too much room to the point where it made you feel far from everyone else, but too small to allow more chairs. The table was covered in an elegant white cloth that almost touched the ground, as you sat down your legs disappeared under the table. Sitting down, I realized I found myself in an awkward seating arrangement. I sat next to Tim and Chris, while Cassidy sat across from me. Looking down at my plate, I couldn't help but feel Tim's eyes burning into me. The stomach ache from my guilt simply made me fling small peas across the terrain of my rice.
"Me and Killian had a great time last night," Tim said. I cleared my throat and sat up, I could feel my face turning red quickly as I spat out a response.
"Yeah," I said, trying not to shoot Tim an evil look. "Just talked about my amazing English career." I said trying to move away from Tim's game. I got a few laughs from Chris and Cassid, as I rolled my eyes, it gave the joke an over dramatic tone.
"Well," Tim said, taking a swig of red wine. "I think your writing is amazing." He finished his sentence with a very obvious smile at me. I turned quickly red again as I tried to hide my face. Luckily, it seemed as if no one paid much attention to Tim's gestures at me, simply what he was saying.
"Oh really?" Cassisy said, smirking. "What are you writing about right now?" Many people were aware of my pursuit of English, but it often embarrassed me to talk about my work. I was eighteen, not the next Edgar Allen Poe.
"I just did an analysis on two books. I used them to talk about how being gay in a perpetually straight society can affect the queer community in many ways." This time my face turned red purely from my own statement.
"It's really nothing much, just a basic academic essay." I said, trying to save face. Finally, the conversation switched to Chris, who had regained some of his energy. He eagerly outlined what he did in Victoria, talking about the college campus he visited. He had gone there for a tour of the University of Victoria. It was one of his dream schools. As Chris continued to talk, I suddenly shot up, sensing something around my crotch area. At first I didn't understand what was happening, I thought I was losing it. Looking down, I realized that I wasn't crazy. Tim had snuck his hand up my thigh and had begun to palm me through my pants. Trying to hide my red face, I looked over at Tim. He had his other arm visibly on the table, relaxed in front of his plate. Also, he kept eye contact with Chris, even while I looked at him it was hard to tell he was doing this. I tried to will my body not to respond to his touch, to resist against it, but before I knew it my pants had pitched a tent. I kept my cool, betting on the fact that the white cloth that held the table down would conceal what was happening. I thought that I could at least avoid having conversation, but Tim quickly squashed those dreams.
"Killian," he said, glancing over at me, almost acting like he had forgotten I existed. "You're interning at an editing company in the fall, correct?" He was right, per usual. I had decided to take a gap year because I wanted to prioritize buffing up my portfolio. I could feel Tim's rough hands grab on to my shaft through my pants, slowly stroking me.
"Yes," I said, trying not to stammer. "Just helping a professor with some of his research." I tried to keep it brief and boring, maybe they would quickly move on. As Tim unzipped my front zipper I was berated with another question. As I felt the familiar hands on my tip, it became hard to focus. The pleasure Tim was giving me, mixed with the adrenaline of the whole situation, made it hard for me to keep eye contact as she asked me another question.
"Are you excited?" She said with a genuine smile. As her husband started to stroke me faster, I mustered all my strength for a good response.
"Of course," I said, stopping to gather my thoughts as I sent a silent moan down my throat. His touch was too much for me. "I think I'm mostly gonna just find direct evidence for him, nothing crazy but great for the portfolio. I let out a long sigh after my sentence, trying to disguise it as a yawn. I couldn't believe it, but I was getting close. I had managed to get Cassidy to ask Chris if he was interested in internships. While my friend answered his mom, his father made me cum into his hands. Putting both my elbows on the table, I shoved my napkin onto my face to make it look like I was rubbing my eyes. However, behind the napkin, was my face wrought with pleasure. I was fighting my throat from releasing a groan as tears spouted on my face. I could feel Tim's slicked hands make one final dash on my tip as he returned it to his lap. At this point, Cassidy was concerned for me, as it looked like I was having an allergic reaction with my wet eyes and very red skin. As she and Chris were distracted, I saw Tim sneakily clean his hands of my essence with his napkin. To hide both of our crimes, he stood up and offered to get me a new one to help with "my allergies". Everyone watched him as he threw away my napkin and his napkin. Cassidy and Chris didn't suspect a thing. Ripping off two more from a roll, he turned and walked back to the table. Handing me one, he sat back down smiling at me a little too much. At this point, the pleasure had passed and I had quickly covered myself again. However, I was left with an addictive buzz in my brain. This was fun and Tim was good at it. Again, I quietly debated in my head if this was right, but dinner quickly found itself to be over. Tim and Cassidy got up and took our dishes to the kitchen, opting to clean up for me and Chris. Chris began walking to his room, telling me to come with him. I couldn't help but look for some signal from Tim. I couldn't admit this to myself but I found myself hungry for him. Realizing Tim wouldn't give me anything else, I turned to Chris and followed him into the familiar hallways of the house. For the rest of the night, me and Chris talked about the future and about school drama while watching a movie. I sat in a comfy armchair as Chris found himself in his bed. As the credits rolled, I asked Chris what he thought about the movie. I realized I was waiting too long for a response, so I sat up. I found that Chris had fallen asleep at an undisclosed point in the movie. Laughing to myself, I stood up and made my way to his door. I turned to face into his room and slowly backed up, making sure I didn't make a noise. As I silently closed his door and let go of the handle, I leaned back and sighed. Stepping back from the door slightly, I realized how quiet the house was. Feeling a sense of freedom, I made my way to the kitchen for a glass of water. However, on my way, I heard a noise pouring from the living room. Curious, I crossed into a separate hallway that led to another entrance of the living room. Walking in, someone had left a movie on. Deciding that I wasn't that tired and didn't mind watching another movie, I sat down on the sofa that Tim had first kissed me on. Concentrating on the movie, I almost let out a scream as Tim put a hand on my shoulder. Looking up at him, I scolded him.
"Dinner was interesting." I said, simply.
"I just couldn't help myself," he said, sitting down next to me. "You're good at hiding it."
"You too," I said, calming down a bit. Assuming the rest of the house was asleep, I leaned onto Tim's chest. I realized how much I missed being next to him, to be able to touch him. As we both watched the movie, I observed Tim more. I noticed his pajama pants, which were tight against his legs. This made my face turn red as I got an idea. As he focused on the movie, I quickly dipped my hand into his waist strap. I grabbed his thick, soft cock and began to play with it. He laughed as he continued to look at the movie.
"Go ahead," he said with lust, "we're alone now."
Chapter 8 - The Movie
As Tim continued to focus on the movie, I got to work. I began by licking his tip and then slowly dragging my tongue along the edge of his head. I began to jerk him off as I bobbed my head up and down. Over time, I was able to take more of him into my mouth. This eventually resulted in my nose digging into his pubes as I felt his cock twitch in my throat. I knew Tim was close because he started to become too eager, grabbing my hair and forcing me down. I lifted my head off and began to lick at his tip as I stroked him. After a few seconds, Tim threw his head back as I lowered fully onto his cock. Tasting his cum, I gladly swallowed his entire load. Looking up at him, I watched as his belly went up and down from the pleasure. I sat up and layed into Tim after cleaning him up. He sat with his arm around me as we continued to watch the movie. I didn't fully understand what was going on. I was mostly focused on something else.
"Wanna go smoke?" He says, shifting slightly.
"Sure." I said getting up without hesitation. I followed Tim to his back porch where he took out the same pack of cigarettes we had shared that morning. We both sat next to each other on a couch that poked at my bare skin with fallen leaves. It was dark on the porch as he fumbled with his vice. Eventually, he was able to place a cigarette between his lips. I expected Tim to light it on his own but I was met with surprise as he shoved the lighter into my hand.
"Light it for me," he said. Silently I obeyed as I lit his cigarette. The light that emitted from the lighter lit up his face. I looked him in the eyes as the flame danced between our faces. I looked at his kind eyes and his droopy beard. I took time to appreciate his bushy eyebrows and toothy smile. Feeling the heat burn my skin, I flicked off the lighter which ended my observation of my divisive partner. I took a cigarette and let him light it for me, I felt his eyes scan my face as I focused on the flame which was taking hold. As I exhaled smoke, he cleared his throat.
"You know why I like you so much?" he said, staring into the darkness of the backyard. Taking another hit of my cigarette, I looked down at my legs.
"Why?"
"You're a breath of fresh air," he said, proceeding to bring the cigarette back to his mouth. I laughed in my mind at the irony of that statement as I watched him blow out smoke.
"Really?" I said, in sarcastic disbelief. I had a problem with accepting that I held value to somebody.
"It baffles me that someone could find me attractive." I would think, as I stretched my face in exhaustion in front of my mirror every morning.
"You're just different," Tim says, ignoring my comment. "You have a way of thinking that leaves me fascinated. I can't stop thinking about you and your world. You're such a beautiful man, Killian." My mind went radio silent as I couldn't compute what he had said. I tried to look at his face but was met with him looking away. Up until this point, I had assumed Tim was just having fun. I figured he was in a bad time in his life and this was one big track to a falling out that no one would hear about. I didn't expect this and now I found myself at a loss for words. He was looking at me with sleepy eyes. At a loss for words, I leaned in and kissed him. Holding our kiss for a while, I felt the need to hold on to him. Looking up at him, I answered.
"Thanks." I said, sighing. I thought this conversation ended but I was proven wrong when I looked at Tim, I was met with an expectant face looking for an answer.
"I feel the same way," I said, meeting his face. "I've always found older men attractive, but you're different." I stuttered as I felt my face go red, this was hard for me to admit. "You really match my mind, you understand me." I went a little limp, feeling like I had lifted a weight off my shoulders. I felt the guilt of the whole affair lessen, this was a true connection. We sat there for a few minutes, watching a new snow fall from the sky. We watched as the snow layed on top of the grass, creating a thin white blanket. I looked up and observed a tree. It was barely illuminated by the warm lights of the house, but I could see snow beginning to pile on the branches. While observing the scene, Tim suddenly leaned over and kissed my head. He stood up, and walked away quietly leaving me alone in the cold. I sat there for a second, everything felt quiet, even my mind. It felt as if time had frozen and this was the end of it. However, I suddenly felt my heart fizzle and pop. Beating faster than ever, brings me into the present. Tim had left me in this starstruck state again. Taking a few more minutes to myself, I quietly snuck back into the house. It was dark, Tim had gone to bed. This new revelation between the two of us has left me feeling oddly innocent, like a child discovering something for the first time. I lazily made my way to my room, even though the lights were off, I managed to get to my bed. Laying in the dark, my mind began to run again. I embraced the thrilling speed of it, taking a few laps. However, I quickly became tired from the thoughts that bounced off my mind. I decided to remedy this by writing in my journal, forcing my words onto paper sometimes felt like the only way I could relieve the pressure my endless thoughts bring. I leaned over and turned on the bedside table, bathing the room in an antique yellow. I wrote until my hand cramped and I frustratingly threw it in the air, trying to relieve the pain. I looked down at my thoughts now trapped behind 1" margins. I had written about Tim, and my favorite topic, being gay. I wrote down my frustrations in a comedic and snarky way, poking fun at my own situation and its unruliness. I wrote about the tragedy of it all, the way it would end. I scolded myself for the age gap, who am I? Then, I appreciated the age gap, I truly couldn't pick a side. Looking at the structure of my words, it was obvious my thoughts had come out like a tornado. I would jump from one topic to the next, with little to no transition words. I felt no emotion as I closed my journal, I had poured all of them into every stroke of my pencil. I leaned over again and turned off the lamp, shoving me back into darkness. I curled up under the old blankets of the guest room, and fell back to sleep. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was still sitting on the bench, next to Tim, just observing the snow.