One Piece: Strawhat Theater

"Our Mrs. Monkey"

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.

This story isn't entirely dead! I will admit, RWBY's taken most of my attention. But I hope you will enjoy this humble offering.

Thousand Sunny

Sanji was washing dishes, drying them, and then putting them up. It was actually rather relaxing, almost meditative. Putting things back in order after wonderful chaos.

"Che, freaking Mosshead thinks I can't meditate," He muttered. "I've got a strong mind too, thank you very much-"

"PEW PEW!"

Sanji looked back at the high pitched voice. He raised his curly brow at little Ace, who was wearing a cape, goggles, and holding up a toy gun made out of wood.

"Oi, you're late to help me clean up after breakfast," he stated. Ace flushed.

"S-Sorry, Sanji... But Usopp and Doctor Kitty showed me a cool game and I want you to play with us!"

She pulled a small comic book out of her overall front pocket, and handed it to Sanji. He frowned as he read the title.

"'Starlight Brigade?'" He read, fighting a little smirk. Ace nodded.

"Uh huh! There's a a brigade, the Starlight Brigade, and they're like a band! And they fight evil in space! It's cool!"

Sanji flipped through it. He wasn't a big comic book fan, to be honest. It tended to remind him of unpleasant things, the teams of colorful heroes and villains. This one wasn't too bad, he supposed.

Though a comic book about a band made little sense-How did you hear the music?

"Well... Assuming I do play with you," Sanji said, "Who would I play? One of the Starlight Brigade?"

"Nuh uh," Ace-chan said firmly. She jumped up to hold onto his shoulder, and he adjusted his arm to hold her up. She flipped the pages and pointed to a blonde masked man in black, with a voluminous cape and sunglasses.

"Lord Ebon," she said, "He's the right hand man of the evil Queen Void! He's totally in love with her and he does anything she says and he hopes to marry her! But she's really mean and cold and steps on him a lot."

Sanji snorted.

"Like hell would I ever play such a pathetic, lowly..."

Ace turned the page to an image of Queen Void. Sanji flushed as he looked over the voluptuous, sinfully rendered Queen Void.

"Humina... Wow... This artist is amazing," Sanji sighed, "A true genius in every way!"

He cleared his throat.

"But I've got way too much to do!"

"Aw, that's a shame," said Robin. She stepped in through the open door, dressed in a skimpy but approximate version of Queen Void's outfit. She smiled in a sultry fashion at the gaping Sanji.

"I suppose we'll just have to ask Brook or Franky to take the role," she shrugged, "They're already part of the Starlight Brigade, but surely one of them can switch."

Sanji narrowed his eyes.

Ace-chan stood with Franky, Brook, Usopp, and Chopper. All of them wore goggles and capes. Ace-chan held up her toy sword and gun, as her group of heroes posed dramatically behind her.

"STARLIGHT BRIGADE! ASSEMBLE!"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH!"

"YOHOHO!"

"SUPERRR!"

She pointed her sword at Robin and Sanji on the other side of the deck. "Today you meet your doom, Queen Void!"

"Hohoho, I don't think so, Captain Ace!" Robin laughed evilly, "You'll have to get past Lord Ebon! Who won't let anyone harm me, will he?"

"OF COURSE NOT, MY QUEEN!" Sanji cheered, dressed in sunglasses, mask, and cape, "I WILL DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS FOR YOU, MY BELOVED MISTRESS!"

"I'll hold you to that, my dear Lord," Robin stated, "For if you fail... I will be most unhappy."

She slapped her thigh, making a loud crack. Sanji, the fearsome Lord Ebon... Fainted away into a happy nosebleed.

"OI! ROBIN!" Usopp shouted. "WE have to defeat him! Don't defeat him first!"

"Oops, sorry~," Robin giggled.

"Ah, you know Ace-chan," Usopp began, "The teams are a little uneven."

"DOESN'T MATTER!" Sanji declared. "I, LORD EBON, WILL TAKE YOU ALL ON AT ONCE! FOR THE LOVE OF QUEEN VOID, I WILL DEFEAT ENTIRE ARMIES!"

"A-Also Sanji's a little intense," Chopper murmured, hiding badly behind Ace-chan. Ace hummed.

"It would be more fun to fight more evil minions," Ace said happily.

Brook cleared his throat.

"Then I must apologize, Ace-chan, for my sudden but inevitable betrayal."

In an instant, Brook was alongside Robin. Ace, Usopp, Franky, and Chopper's jaws dropped.

"EHHHH?!"

"How could you, Brook?!" Ace cried.

"I must explain myself," Brook said, taking his hat off and holding it against his chest, "Evil Queen Void saved me very long ago and I owe it as a man to repay that debt."

A beat.

"Also she's really hot."

"Hot?" Ace asked, tilting her head innocently. "Isn't she cold in that?"

"Not at all," Robin chuckled.

"HOW IS THAT AN EXCUSE YOU PERVERT?!" Usopp shouted, shaking his fist.

"YEAH!" Chopper shouted.

Franky nodded sagely.

"Alas... Some men are just too weak," He said, "Clearly, Evil Queen Void has put a spell on him to ensure his obedience!"

"YEAH! THAT MUST BE IT!" Chopper cried.

In an instant, Franky was on Robin's side, wearing a black cape instead.

"Oh no! She got me with her evil control spell too!" Franky cried. "Her evil, sexy control spell!"

"OI OI!" Sanji snarled. "YOU'RE NON-CANON! I'M SERVING HER AND GETTING STEPPED ON!"

"STOP HOGGING ROBIN-I MEAN, ALL OF THE DRAMA TO YOURSELF!" Brook shouted.

"YEAH! A MAN'S FRIENDSHIP CAN ONLY GO SO FAR FOR A WOMAN LIKE THAT!" Franky snorted.

All three began to fight furiously, as Robin just giggled with her hand over her mouth. Ace pouted.

"Isn't anyone gonna fight me?" She cried.

"Don't worry Captain Ace!" Usopp cried. "Let's do it, Chopper!"

"YEAH!" Chopper declared. They charged.

"ORAH!"

"FOR THE STARLIGHT BRIGADE!"

A second later, both Chopper and Usopp were knocked back, down for the count. Ace gasped.

"AH! USOPP! DOCTOR KITTY!"

"G-Guys... It's just pretend...!" Usopp tried.

"Doctor Kitty has a concussion," Chopper moaned.

"SORRY USOPP!" Sanji cried. "CAN'T HOLD BACK!"

"NOT FOR A SECOND!" Franky shouted.

"YOHOHOHO~!"

Zoro came on deck, drinking some bottled water. He scowled.

"Oi... What the hell are you all doing?"

Ace-chan stomped her foot.

"I wanted to play Starlight Brigade, but Sanji, Brook and Franky messed it up!" She pouted.

Zoro looked at the miserable expression on Ace's face. He sighed, scowled at the smirking Robin and the three perverts fighting over her.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'll play along too."

Ace's eyes lit up.

"YAY!" She hugged Zoro's leg. "Okay! Introduce yourself."

Zoro coughed.

"Uh... I'm... Zoro?"

"No no no!" Ace pouted. "Do it like...!" She held up a comic book and pointed to some relevant lines. Zoro grimaced.

"Do I have to?"

"Please...?" Ace pleaded. Zoro sighed again. He patted the top of her head.

"You're lucky I like you so much, kid..."

Zoro stepped out.

"OI! LOSERS!"

The three perverts stopped fighting, and Sanji sneered.

"What?!"

"I'm Roronoa Zoro, the Last Laser Sword Master," he declared, "And to restore freedom and justice to the galaxy... I will defeat you all."

"Well, if you're here to challenge us too, Master Zoro," Robin spoke back in a dramatic tone, "I'll have to have my loyal minions defeat you! Lord Ebon!"

"Could I get a kiss for luck, my beloved Queen?" Sanji simpered. Robin instead tripped him onto his face, and stomped on him.

"Don't push your luck, scum," Robin hissed, like a true evil queen.

"Ohhhh thank you! THANK YOU!" Sanji cried, flying back onto his feet with a nosebleed. "NOW YOU DIE, MOSSHEAD!"

Zoro drew his swords and blocked Sanji's kicks. A fearsome grin was on Zoro's face.

"CHE! That all it take for you to try?"

"BRING IT ON, YOU BASTARD!"

Franky and Brook watched the fight. Ace-chan was cheering excitedly, jumping up and down.

"Queen Void," Brook cried, "How utterly unfair it is for you to punish Lord Ebon for doing nothing!"

"Yeah!" Franky cried. "We're traitors to our captain! You should punish us too!"

"But would it be a punishment if you were asking for it?" Robin asked with a dark smirk. "You worthless scumbags."

Brook and Franky held their chests.

"Ohhh! That's still pretty good!" Franky cried.

"YES! That would pierce my heart, if I still had one! YOHOHOHO!"

"You guys are just pathetic!" Usopp groaned.

Notes:

Main story is still on hiatus. But I think I'll be inspired again when the second season of One Piece Live Action arrives. We'll see.