Farewells

Cas didn't see much of Dean for the next few weeks, nor the crew of the Impala. Most of them had not wanted to leave the ship to be trapped underground at the facility, although a few were lured by the promise of a real bed. Dean himself would never be parted from his ship.

When Cas did see him, he was in high spirits. The repairs to both the ship's and the facility's reactors were going well, and if they were lucky, they had time to spend the night together.

Cas always traded his bed in the facility for Dean's aboard the ship. It did nothing for his implants, but it was comfortable in Dean's bed, curled up close together.

By then, he was sure that the crew and his team had noticed them, but no one ever brought it up. He was grateful for that. Their time together felt fragile, as though it might fall apart if scrutinised too closely. Cas and Dean themselves never talked about it, confining their softness for each other to the night and the commander's quarters.

Cas hadn't yet allowed the live samples of the virus to be removed from stasis. He had to come up with a plan first. Consider what experiments they would use and how they would grow more cells without destroying the samples. It was far too dangerous to seek out fresh ones, and if Cas was honest with himself, he was afraid.

This virus had torn the world apart, withered their food, turned everyone they'd known into bloodthirsty monsters. Now faced with it, all he could see was the damage it had done.

He knew he was being irrational. The cells themselves had no malice, they were only doing what they had evolved to do, but every time he thought about allowing Crowley down to the biohazard lab, he saw the drone footage of the creatures snarling and snapping on the abandoned vessels at sea.

Instead, he tasked the researchers and scientists with helping Anna find a cure for the plant strain.

'There's no point in curing all these people if there's nothing to feed them with,' Cas had rationalised, though Crowley argued back.

'We don't know if we can even get people back,' he said. 'Even if we cure the virus itself, they might just leave behind husks. We have no idea what it does to the brain-'

'Exactly,' Cas said. 'We don't know what it does, so we must be prepared.'

Crowley had looked as though he wanted to argue, but held his tongue, and went back to working on the plant strain with Anna.

There wasn't much progress to begin with, as everyone settled into their new stations, but Cas felt himself getting more and more frustrated. His implants didn't fail as often as they had on the Impala, nor was it as severe when they did, but he felt the slow creep of the degradation regardless. It loomed over him, and when he wasn't studying the virus, he thought of little other than his own death.

The mornings he woke stiff and numb were the worst, and he couldn't help but think of Alfie as he painstakingly fixed his own implants. It was on one of those mornings that Dean sought him out.

'Let me,' he said, taking the tablet from Cas's tingling fingers.

'Is everything all right?' Cas asked. It was a rarity to see Dean in his room.

Dean sighed and put down the tablet once he'd finished with the filaments.

'We took Alfie's submersible out of storage,' he told Cas. 'There's space for you to keep it here, if you want it.'

Cas stared down at his knees, tears springing to his eyes. 'Could be useful,' he said, voice thick through a lump in his throat.

Dean gently rubbed his shoulder. 'I was thinking,' he said, 'why don't we have a memorial for him?'

Cas looked up at him and nodded. 'I think that would be nice.'

'That Hannah woman says we can use the garden.'

Cas thought about it. 'Why don't we make it a memorial for everyone?' he suggested. 'I don't think any of us have had much chance to process all of our losses.'

'That's a nice idea,' Dean said softly. 'Will you help me set it up?'

'Of course.'

The garden in the centre of the facility was lush and green, filled with sweet smelling flowers. There were tables and benches set along a short path and around a small clearing. They chose the clearing to set up their memorial. They hunted through storage and found a huge corkboard, so they dragged that into the garden and hung it on a wooden post.

Dean handled the tools, hammering a nail into the post while Cas watched him with interest.

'Have you always been so… handy?' Cas asked.

Dean smirked. 'You don't get to be commander with clean hands.'

'I suppose that's true,' Cas chuckled.

Once the board was secure, Dean pinned a picture of Alfie to it.

'Where did you get that?' Cas asked, tearing up at the picture of Alfie wearing a huge grin.

'Charlie found his social media,' Dean explained.

'You can still access that?' Cas said, shocked. 'I would have thought that would all be gone by now.'

'It's still there, if you know where to look.'

Dean then carefully pinned a picture of his parents beside Alfie.

Cas hesitated, then drew out the picture of Amelia that he kept in his wallet, and the sonogram of their daughter.

'Did you ever name her?' Dean asked.

Cas took a deep breath and nodded. 'Claire,' he said. 'We would have named her Claire.'

Dean ran a hand down his back, momentarily forgetting his implants, and sending a shock down his spine.

'Sorry,' Dean said with a slight laugh.

With the board set up, they laid out candles. They were fake, battery powered. They couldn't risk open flames inside the facility, but they flickered warmly, just the same as the real thing.

Soon, other people saw what they were doing, and began pinning their own pictures to the board. Some were wedding photos, some were doodles made by children, others were scraps of paper with notes from loved ones.

Once the pictures were all up, Dean had them all ready themselves for the memorial. The crew of the Impala all wore their formal Navy dress, including Dean himself, with his medals at his chest. Cas hadn't packed his own formal dress, so he settled for wearing the best clothes he had, and pinned on his own medal and insignia.

Once everyone had gathered, Dean spoke first.

'We've lost a lot,' he began. 'So many names. So many faces. I know that I pushed you all, and I'm grateful for your service, but I don't want you to think that I don't know what you've sacrificed. We're here tonight to remember them. We can't let them fade, because we're all that holds on to humanity. We're the ones that carry the memories of our friends, our family. Even the strangers we pass in the street, or the barista that served your coffee. They're all gone, and it's our job to keep them alive in our minds, and our hearts. So, I want you to come up here and tell us about who you've lost. Tell us their names, what they were like. Let us remember them with you.'

No one moved, but Cas straightened his shoulders. 'I'll go first,' he said, moving forward. He looked at the photo of Alfie and smiled.

'His real name was Samandriel,' Cas started, 'but he went by his middle name. Alfie.' Cas paused for a moment, the grief already catching up to him. 'Alfie was my assistant, and he was my friend. My closest friend, if truth be told. He knew more about me than most, and I didn't make it easy. He was always there with a smile, and never once complained. Not even towards the end. He fought so hard to be positive, and he was the best at making me smile. He loved his little submersible, and he was always willing to lend a hand to whoever asked. He was good, and kind. Hard working, smarter than he thought he was. Eager to please…' Cas trailed off into another pause, his tears building. 'I - um - I think that the world we found ourselves in was too harsh for him. Too dark. But, he went out on his own terms, and I'm glad for him. There are so many more ways to perish than there were, and he deserved none of them.' Cas again looked up at the photo. 'Thank you, Alfie, for everything you did for me. You looked out for me, and I'll always be grateful.' Cas took a deep, steadying breath, and his gaze fell on the photo of Amelia. He cleared his throat. 'If it's all right, I'd also like to talk about my wife.' He looked at Dean for approval, who nodded. Cas saw shocked expressions from Anna, Kevin and Crowley. He never talked about Amelia, and he wasn't sure Crowley even knew he'd had a wife.

'We married young,' Cas told them. 'I was a pilot. I was brash, I had a rather large ego. I thought I was invincible. But Amelia brought me right back down to earth. I met her when she worked at a Wendy's just off our base, and she followed me everywhere after that. She was a blessing, and never stopped encouraging me to shoot for the stars.' The tears rolled down Cas's cheeks, and the words were harder to get out. 'When I was shot down, she barely even blinked. She spent every possible moment with me, and she told me she was just happy I was alive, no matter what state I was in. She wanted to tell our daughter how proud of me she was.' Cas stopped and looked down at his shoes, trying to catch his breath. 'We - we never got to meet our daughter. Amelia would tell me she was a fighter though. She kicked and moved a lot. Sometimes Amelia would grab my hand and put it to her stomach. I couldn't feel anything, but she said it didn't matter, because Claire could feel me, and she would know I was there.' The tears came thicker and faster, but Cas was determined to say what he wanted to say. 'I - um - didn't get to go to the funeral. It was too dangerous to - to move me at the time… They were cremated, and when they were scattered, a part of me went with them. I hope it keeps them safe-' Cas finally broke and sobbed in front of everyone, rooted to the spot in his grief.

Anna, Kevin and Crowley parted from the crowd and put arms around Cas, gently leading him away from the front and handed him tissues.

He hadn't realised how much had been buried inside him, and the tears kept coming in waves while others moved forward to speak.

Sam spoke about his father, and Dean their mother. Anna talked about her older brothers, Kevin his girlfriend. Even Crowley said a few words about his mother, despite their relationship being less than supportive. Charlie talked about her mother as well.

Most came forward to talk about their loved ones, but some preferred to watch and allow their tears to fall silently. Cas recognised many of their names, having memorised them after they came out of stasis.

Once everyone that wanted to speak had done so, Dean took his position in front again.

'Thank you all for your words. Please join me in a few minutes of silence.' He took off his cap, and everyone in uniform followed suit.

Cas closed his eyes as everyone fell silent. He focused on nothing but his own heart, and let Amelia's joy at finding it still beating find him once again.

Dean took a breath and announced the end of the silence. 'Thanks for coming,' he said, dropping out of his formal speech. 'You can all go back to your duties.'

Cas turned and walked as fast as he could back to his room, taking the elevator before anyone else could reach him. He let a few more shaking sobs out before pulling himself together.

There was a knock on the door just as he was taking off his medal.

'Come in,' he croaked.

Dean opened the door, still in his uniform with his cap under his arm. 'Nice medal,' he said, nodding at it. 'I didn't know you brought it with you.'

Cas carefully placed it back in its box. 'Amelia loved it,' he explained. 'After I was bathed, she would brush my hair and put on my medal for me, and tell me how handsome I was... I couldn't even smile at her…'

Dean put his cap down and approached Cas. 'Do you need a hug?'

Cas put the box away. 'Yes,' he murmured, lip wobbling.

Dean pulled him close and held him, swaying slightly on the spot.

'I'm sorry about your parents,' he said into Dean's shoulder.

Dean pulled away and gently held Cas's face in his hands. 'You did the right thing,' he said. 'You brought us where we needed to be.'

Cas dug his fingers into Dean's jacket, hugging him tightly.

'I wish we hadn't met at the end of the world,' Cas confessed.

Dean gave a small, bitter laugh. 'Me too.'

Cas heard him sniff, then he let go.

'I'd better go change,' he said, rubbing his eyes. 'These things are so uncomfortable.'

'I remember.'

Dean left the room. Cas didn't expect to see him again that day, and was surprised when he knocked on Cas's door again later at night. He was in his casual clothes again, but he looked sad.

Before Cas could ask what was wrong, he crossed the room and kissed Cas. His lips tasted slightly salty. He must have been crying.

Cas moved to accompany Dean back to the Impala, but Dean stopped him.

'I thought we'd stay here tonight,' he said quietly.

'Really?'

Dean nodded and gently pulled him to the bed. 'Your bed's bigger than mine,' he shrugged.

'That never stopped you before.'

'Cas, please…' Dean murmured, looking down at the floor.

Cad grimaced. 'All right, we'll stay here.'

For the first time, it was Cas's turn to comfort Dean. Cas gently undressed him, planting kisses on his neck, across his shoulders, down his chest and stomach. They climbed into bed together. The extra room allowed Dean the breathing space he needed to let himself go. Cas held him and let him sink into oblivion, caressing him and reassuring him that he was still there.

When they were finished, they lay together in silence, Dean's arms wrapped around Cas's waist, and his head a hair's breadth from the back of Cas's neck.

'Cas…' he murmured.

Don't say it, Cas thought.

'I have to go,' Dean said, his voice barely a whisper.

Cas squeezed his eyes shut. 'You could stay,' he whispered back.

'Your place is here,' Dean said. 'Mine is out there.'

Cas sighed. 'I know,' he murmured.

'Besides, now she's all fixed and pretty, I would hate to see my ship just floating there forever.'

'That would be a tragedy.' Cas rolled over so he could see Dean's face. 'What will you do?'

Dean ran a finger down his cheek. 'Find survivors. If there are any. We're probably all that's left of the military, it's our duty to protect who we can. With our reactor, we might even be able to rig some sort of safe zone.'

Cas nodded and tried to hold back the tears. 'When will you go?'

Dean tilted his chin with a finger. 'Not yet,' he whispered into Cas's lips before kissing him.

'Not yet,' Cas agreed.

Despite his determination to leave, Dean lingered for weeks more. The crew of the Impala became restless and anxious to go, but still Dean dragged his feet.

When Charlie approached Cas, he understood why.

'I think I can fix some stuff for your implants. Come on.'

Cas left Anna in charge of the lab and followed Charlie out to the Impala. As always, he felt the static down his spine and shivered. She took him to where their temporary lab had been set up, and found it had been refitted to be a medical bay. She had him sit on a table and take his shirt off.

'I came up with some new programming, but I want to test it before I install it on your tablet,' she explained, then hesitated. 'I'll have to simulate the filaments disconnecting.'

Cas sighed. This would hurt. 'All right,' he said. 'Do what you need to do.'

Charlie apologised over an over again, as her tests ranged from small jolts to burning pain in his limbs. By the time she was finished, he was sweating and shaking, breathing heavily.

'Is - it - working?' he gasped.

'It is,' Charlie reassured him. 'Hang in there, I'm almost done.'

Without warning, she switched off the implants connecting his legs completely. He fell forward, and just managed to catch himself on the table before he slipped off.

'A little heads-up would have been nice,' he grumbled as she scrambled to switch them back on.

Cas let out a gasp of relief when the feeling returned to his legs, and he shifted to a more comfortable position on the table.

'Okay, that should do it,' Charlie said, picking up Cas's tablet. 'You can put your shirt back on.'

Cas slowly put his shirt back on, a dull ache entering the muscles in his limbs.

'So, the coding was a little… out of date,' Charlie said. 'I updated it, and I added in a couple processes that can detect when the filaments are out of place, then try to put them back in for you.' She handed him the tablet. 'It won't be perfect,' she admitted. 'There will be times you'll have to fix it yourself, but hopefully this should take the pressure off a little.'

Cas smiled. 'I really appreciate it.'

Charlie nodded. 'It - it won't stop them degrading,' she said sadly.

'I wouldn't have expected it to,' he said. 'This will help. Thank you, Charlie.'

Cas walked back through the ship by himself, running his hand along the walls and feeling the faint hum of the engines beneath his fingers. Dean caught up to him as he approached the door.

'How did it go?' he asked.

'Charlie seemed to think it'll work well enough.'

Dean but his lip.

'That means it's time for you to go, doesn't it?'

Dean looked away. 'We'll need a couple days to prepare, but…'

Cas briefly took his hand. 'It's all right. I'll save the world from here. You save it out there.'

Dean smiled, looked around to make sure no one was watching, and kissed him. 'I'll stay with you until we have to go.'

As promised, Dean stayed with him for most of the next few days, except when he needed to supervise the sensitive equipment being loaded back on to the ship. He held Cas at night, and watched him with interest while he worked in the lab. He earned a few confused looks from some of the researchers, but paid them no heed.

Finally, the day came when he had no more excuses. The crew were ready, and everything they needed was packed and loaded onto the Impala.

Anna, Crowley, Kevin and Cas all gathered on the dock and watched the crew board the ship. Dean was last to go.

'You can still contact us,' Dean said to them. 'Charlie wrangled the facility comms, so if you need anything…'

'We'll find you,' said Cas, forcing a smile.

'Thank you for everything, Commander,' Anna said.

'I'm really glad we got stuck on your ship,' said Kevin.

'Sorry about that time we got stuck in quarantine,' said Crowley.

'I'm glad I had all you nerds on board too,' said Dean. He reached out and shook Cas's hand. 'Major,' he said, nodding his head respectfully.

'Commander,' Cas returned, brushing a thumb over his hand.

Dean let go and strode onto the ship, giving them one last wave before he closed the door.

Cas didn't know how long it would be until he saw Dean's face again, if he ever would.

The ship's whistle blew, as a final farewell, and the U.S.S Impala departed, moving away from the dock. When it got a good distance away, it slipped smoothly beneath the waves, leaving no evidence that it was ever there.

Anna, Kevin and Crowley soon went inside, but Cas stayed on the dock, alone. He watched the horizon for a long time. The sun set and the green blush of the aurora lit up the sky. Finally, it was too cold to stay outside, so Cas wandered back into the facility. He ate alone, feeling empty.

Welcome back! Thanks to Kathy for the review! See you next time :)

(dw he'll be back)