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"When was the last time you felt happy?"
He didn't know. They sat there on the couch in his living room, in the dim light of the fireplace which kept them warm.
It's been a few years since the war ended. He and Ron started Aurors training at the Ministry's Law Enforcement Department almost immediately after the war, while Hermione went back to finish her studies at Hogwarts before starting her Healer training at St. Mungo's. Ginny, whom Harry was still dating, went on to play Quidditch professionally.
"What are you saying?" He knew exactly what she was saying. He looked up, and she was looking straight into his eyes, with a sad smile on her face and a kind look in her eyes.
He would admit that ever since the war ended he has been struggling to find his purpose in life. Ever since he rejoined the Wizarding World all these years ago, he has been the Boy Who Lived, the Chosen One, and his purpose was clear: defeat Voldemort. But, with Voldemort defeated, and the war over, he simply lost that purpose. He tried to replace it with his Auror work, but with many more talented Aurors taking care of the remaining Death Eaters and other criminals, he has been feeling so dispensable.
"I'm saying that neither of us have been feeling happy in this relationship lately." Ginny said, confirming his fears.
Unsurprisingly, his relationship with Ginny has been affected by his feelings of lack of purpose. He was also questioning whether he started dating Ginny because he felt it was expected of him. He was the Chosen One, and all the girls were trying to get with him, and the guys in the Gryffindor boys' dorms were teasing him about it. He felt like he had to date someone, and the girl he cared the most about, excluding Hermione, was Ginny. But ever since the war ended, he has been questioning that as well.
"Say something?" Ginny pleaded, "please?"
He studied her expressions closely, they have turned from sympathy to concern and anticipation. He could tell that his silence is making her increasingly anxious.
"Maybe you're right," he sighed. He could also see Ginny's whole body relax and release all the tension that's been building up throughout that entire conversation.
"I'm sorry, Harry."
"Don't be," he stood up.
"Where are you going?"
"I need to go."
"Where?" She asked, "this is your place."
She's right. He still needed to leave though. He couldn't stay here with her.
"Feel free to stay," he said, "just make sure you lock the door when you leave."
"Wait-" she called, but he rushed out, and as soon as he shut the door behind him, he disapparated.
After a few hours of purposelessly wandering around London, and a bottle of Fire Whiskey, he found himself in front of an apartment building where Ron and Hermione lived. The two have decided to move-in together almost a year ago. Ginny brought moving-in up a couple of times since then, but Harry never felt ready
He entered the building and took the elevator up to the sixth floor. Once he exited the elevator on the sixth floor, he turned left and knocked on the door. Shortly afterwards, Hermione opened the door. She was in her pajamas under her robes, but she was wide awake, even though it was late.
"I didn't know where else to go," he said apologetically.
"It's okay, we were expecting you." She held the door open.
"You were?" He asked, surprised, as he entered.
"Ginny gave us the heads up," Ron said, wearing pajama pants, coming out from their bedroom.
"Ron! Put on a shirt!"
"What?" He asked defensively, "he's seen me shirtless endless of times."
"Wait," Harry interjected their argument, "so you already know?"
They didn't answer, but their looks of pity told him everything he needed to know.
"What did she tell you?" He asked, annoyed.
"Just that you broke up, and that you left your place so we knew to expect you." Ron said.
"Why don't you take a shower, change into something comfortable, while I make us some tea?" Hermione asked.
He was going to argue, for the sake of arguing, but he was too tired, and a shower, a clean change of clothes, and a cup of tea was exactly what he needed.
"Ron!" Hermione called from the kitchen, "come help me!"
"It'll be okay," Ron put his hand on Harry's shoulder, "I promise." He said reassuringly before following Hermione to the kitchen.
Harry walked in the opposite direction towards the bathroom. He entered the bathroom and started talking off his clothes. He turned around to face his reflection in the mirror. The scar on his head still there- where would it go? It hasn't hurt in years. Harry pressed his index finger against, then tracing it. He always wanted the war to be over, for him to be normal, not the Boy Who Lived, not the Chosen One, just Harry, but now that the war is over- he's just that! He's just Harry. Now, he needs to find out: who is Harry?
He realized he had been staring at his reflection for five whole minutes, so he snapped out of it and got in the shower. He simply stood there as the shower head levitated above his, and as the shampoo and body wash magically applied themselves to his head and body. Once out of the shower, he put on the change of clothes that was folded so neatly by the sink, and headed to the living room where Ron and Hermione were already drinking their tea.
"Come," Hermione patted the couch next to her, signaling for him to sit. He did. "What happened?" She asked him, as she handed him his cup of tea.
"Didn't Ginny tell you?"
"No," Ron said, "she just said you two broke up and then you stormed off."
"I didn't storm off!" Harry protested.
"You left," Hermione corrected, and glared at Ron.
"What?" Ron said defensively. "Ginny's words not mine."
"What happened?" Hermione asked, ignoring Ron. "Did you fight or something?"
"No," Harry simply said.
"What happened then?" Ron asked.
"Nothing," Harry said, blankly. "We just realized we were both unhappy."
"Just like that?" Ron asked.
Harry nodded.
"Geez," Ron said, and turned to Hermione, "you're happy with me, aren't you?"
"Yes, baby, but it's really not the time."
"Right, right." Ron muttered to himself, and turned back to Harry.
"How are you feeling?" Hermione asked.
"I don't know." Harry said, staring at the cup of tea in his hands. "Lost."
"How so?" Ron asked.
"I have no purpose in life."
"What do you mean?" Ron asked puzzled. "You're the Boy Who Lived! You defeated Voldemort!"
"Voldemort has been gone for years now!"
"And that's a good thing!" Ron said, "isn't it?!"
"Yes, it is." Hermione said, "but I don't think that's the point Harry is trying to make."
"Before the war ended, I had a goal! I had something to strive for!" Harry said, "I don't have that anymore."
"What's that have to do with Ginny?" Ron asked.
"I think I'm gay." Harry said.
"What?" Ron asked surprised.
"Ron!" Hermione said sternly.
"What?!" Ron asked, defensively this time.
Hermione rolled her eyes, then turned to Harry. "I'm proud of you, Harry," she said, and put her hand on his shoulder, "but what does that have to do with feeling purposeless?"
"Yeah, that's what I meant." Ron said.
"I just think during the war I was too fixated on the war and my role as the Chosen One," Harry said, carefully watching their expressions, "I just thought it was something that's expected of me, dating a girl, getting married, having children…"
"But after the war," Harry continued, "I just had less on my mind and more time to myself, and I started having these thoughts and questions."
"And you're sure you're gay?" Ron asked, earning a glare from Hermione.
"I think so," Harry said, hesitantly.
"So you're not sure?"
"Ron!"
"I'm just making sure."
"You're pestering him!"
"No, I'm not!"
"Yes, you are!"
"No-"
"Stop!" Harry interrupted their fight. "I don't know what I am. I'm still figuring it out."
"And that's okay," Hermione said, empathetically. "Isn't it, Ron?"
"Of course it is!" Ron answered, offended by the question.
"I knew coming here would make me feel better," Harry smiled, "promise you'll always be here."
Ron and Hermione exchanged weird looks.
"Guys?"
"Harry," Hermione began to say.
"Of course we're always here for you," Ron said, and then looked to Hermione, "but-"
"We're not gonna be here *here*"
"What are you talking about?" Harry asked.
"I applied for a position at a clinic right outside Banchory," Hermione started to say.
"Where?" Harry asked, after all these years he's still not familiar with ALL wizarding towns and communities in Britain.
"That's in Aberdeenshire in Scotland," Ron said.
"The clinic is very understaffed and underfunded," Hermione said, "I will be making a real difference."
"So, you're moving?" Harry asked, "when?"
"End of this month," Hermione said.
"What about your job?" Harry turned to Ron.
"Banchory has crime too," Ron joked.
"You're transferring to Banchory?" Harry ignored Ron's joke, "when were you planning on telling me?"
"Ron was still waiting to hear back from the ministry," Hermione said.
"And, I did today." Ron said.
"We thought we should deliver these news in person." Hermione added.
Why was everyone leaving him?
"Harry," Hermione said, snapping him out of his thoughts, "we're still gonna see each others."
"Yeah, you can apparate to Banchory," Ron said.
"And, we'll come visit here." Hermione said.
Harry lightly smiled at them. People say that. That's what they all said when Neville went back to teach at Hogwarts. Harry hasn't seen Neville in over a year now. Hermione seemed excited about this opportunity though.
"Congratulations, Hermione!" He said to her, "should we celebrate?"
"I don't know if it's the right mood-" Hermione started saying, obviously referring to his situation.
"Nonsense!" Harry conjured a bottle of Fire Whiskey. He's been practicing a lot lately.
"I'm always down for some Fire Whiskey!" Ron said, grabbing the bottle from Harry.
Harry spent the night at Ron and Hermione's. This was one of the best night he has had lately. The next morning woke up before either of them did, went home, and started packing.