Chapter 8 - Recovery

Lucy

7 Months Probationary….

2 Weeks later…

"Officer Chen? Officer Chen?"

I shook my head. "Huh? What?" I said.

Dr. Blair London was looking at me expectantly. "Where do you go just there?"

I looked down, laughing nervously, massaging my hands in my lap. "Nowhere, sorry."

I could tell that she did not believe me, but was thankful that she didn't push me.

"Well, I asked you what brought you here today?"

I let out a long exhale. "Um, I passed my physical, and my weapons re-qualification exam, so all that leaves me…"

"Is to pass your physic evaluation."

I nodded. "Yes."

She crossed her leg over the other, resting her notepad on top of her knee with a pen in her hand. "Do you feel that you are ready to return to work?"

"Yes."

"It's only been two weeks, Officer Chen. No one would blame you if you needed more time."

"I don't need any more time," I said a little defensively, Dr. London raising her brow in surprise. I inhaled and then exhaled. "I have never been good about sitting around and doing nothing. I want to get back to work."

Dr. London nodded. "Ok. Well, in order for this to be productive and for me to truly evaluate and clear you to go back, we need to be completely honest with each other. Will you do that, Officer Chen?"

I swallowed slowly. "Of course." I licked my lips. "You know, I have already done this. My parents are psychiatrists, and I have grown up with all of the tools and resources on how to approach and analyze my feelings. I promise you…I'm good."

Dr. London smiled. "I don't doubt that your parents are good at what they do. And of course, since we share a profession, I am well aware of the good work they do."

"Thank you," I said.

"You haven't seen them in a while, have you?"

She was the department's psychiatrist, of course she knew, like everything else in my life right now, there was issues.

"I've been a little busy," I replied evasively.

"Do they know what happened to you?"

"They know I was injured on the job, yes."

Dr. London sat back in her chair. "That's not really what I asked, Officer Chen. Remember, we just committed to honesty with each other."

I was hating every single moment of this. Which was probably why I left this one last to be cleared.

"My parents don't exactly approve of my career. They feel that cops are part of the problem," I finally admitted.

"Do you feel that if you told them the truth of what happened that they would blame you like they did in blaming you for arresting their patient?"

I stared at her for a long minute, before I casted my eyes down to my lap. "They probably would have just gone on that he needed help and had he had the proper access to good mental health, it could have been avoided." I could hear my own bitterness and sadness in my voice.

"By he, you mean…"

I pressed my lips together. I hadn't said his name since Tim brought be back to life and I had to give my report.

I cleared my throat. "Carl Palmer."

"Does saying his name trigger something within you?"

"No." That wasn't a lie. I just didn't feel his name deserved another mention. He was dead, in the ground along with his protege where they belonged. "Other things do, sometimes," I acknowledged.

Dr. London smiled proudly at the fact that I was willingly being honest about that.

"Are you sleeping?"

I looked away at first, my right thumb pressing into my left palm. "Yes, but I have nightmares."

"Of the incident?"

"Yes."

"What happened to you, Officer Chen?"

My eyes snapped up abruptly. "You know what happened," I accused.

"Yes, but I think the problem is, you haven't said it. So, I ask again, what happened to you, Officer Chen?"

My bottom jaw started to tremble a bit before I clenched my jaw. "I was drugged, beaten, kidnapped, and buried alive," I answered begrudgingly.

"That had to be a pretty traumatic experience," she probed.

"You're the doctor, you tell me."

Dr. London didn't even miss a beat. "Tell me what happened a week ago."

I pursed my lips. "I don't understand why I need to. I have already talked about this and was cleared."

Dr. London didn't seem at all upset with my irritation or reluctance to answer any of her questions. Normally, I always liked to talk things out, but I just wasn't comfortable with this.

"You might have been cleared by the hospital psychiatrist, but my job is to clear you for duty. That involves us talking about what happened a week ago," she explained.

"It's nothing," I said defensively. "It was a moment of weakness and it's gone."

"Is that what you think that was, Officer Chen?" She dropped her pen and notepad on the table in front of her. "Earlier you said you were drugged, beaten, and buried alive. You survived all of that. Weakness is not the word I would describe for you." I nodded. "What happened last week?"

I licked my lips. "I…I had to be committed," I answered, swiping at the lone tear falling from my cheek.

Dr. London's face turned sympathetic. "I am sure it didn't help that it was your friends from the academy that had to do it."

I sucked in my bottom lip. "No."

"Do you think John and Jackson think differently of you now?"

I shrugged my shoulders, wiping another tear from my cheek, clearing the thick knot of emotion that had bubbled up in my throat.

"They said they don't." I sighed. "I was having trouble sleeping after the hospital released me. I kept telling them I was fine…"

"But you weren't sleeping," Dr. London guessed.

I shook my head. "Every time I would close my eyes, it was as if I was back in the coffin all over again. Reliving the inability to escape or breathe."

"I can't imagine what you went through. Especially after you went through something similar a few months earlier at Mr. Palmer's hands."

"What can I say, he really liked mind games and suffocation," I said.

"What made this time different?" Dr. London asked clearly interested. "You had trauma there too, but I think you and I can both agree that this one affected you differently."

"I wasn't buried last time," I answered sarcastically.

Dr. London, like may parents, was too good at her job to let my attempt at humor sway her. She kept looking at me expectantly, not budging until I answered her question.

"I wasn't alone last time," I finally answered. "Ti—Officer Bradford was there."

"But he wasn't there this time," she noted.

"He's the reason I am alive," I rebutted automatically.

"Do you think I or others blame him for what happened to you?"

My mouth fell open. "No, of course not."

"Then why haven't you spoken to him since your rescue?"

"How did…" I wasn't the only one that had to be cleared to return to duty. "Officer Bradford was injured too."

"And you feel that was your fault?" she guessed.

"It was my fault. He was safe. He allowed himself to be captured in order to try and rescue me."

"He did rescue you," she pointed out. "You put your lives on the line everyday when you put on the uniform. What makes this any different?"

"He was willing to trade his life for mine. I didn't want that. I'm… I'm not worth that," I said.

Dr. London's brows shot up. "Worth it? I think your friends and colleagues begged to differ."

"I just meant; I didn't want anyone else to get hurt trying to rescue me. Palmer had taken enough."

Dr. London sat back in her seat. "I ask again, why haven't you spoken to your training officer since the rescue?"

"I don't want to disappoint him," I answered truthfully.

Her brows drew together. "You believe that because of what happened to you, Officer Bradford would be disappointed with you?"

I looked down. "No. But he deserves a partner, a rookie, that isn't broken."

Dr. London sat up straighter. "You think you're broken?"

"Aren't I?" I exclaimed. "I can no longer go in tight spaces, and every time I close my eyes I have to keep repeating the mantra that I am not buried and I can breathe. I am not the person that I used to be."

"No, you're not. You're a survivor, Lucy. There is nothing wrong or nothing you should feel ashamed about because you have scars from the trauma you endured."

"I don't want the scars. I just want to be ok again," I cried in frustration.

"Scars just like all wounds take time to heal, Officer Chen. Refusing to accept them and work through them won't make you better."

"Yeah, I know. Only makes it worse," I interjected pushing my hair from my face, looking to the window of her office.

"You don't strike me as the kind of person that would shy away from a challenge, Officer Chen. Why not face this head on like you have everything else?"

I gritted my teeth, because everyone thought I was strong, but the truth was right now I wasn't. I didn't feel strong. I wasn't sure I would ever feel that again.

"I, uh, I'm scared," I confessed.

"Scared of what?"

"That I will never get back to who I was. Before…" I admitted.

"Is that a bad thing?"

Her words gave me pause for a moment. Was it a bad thing? Was I holding on to wanting something that I already knew the answer was that it would never be the same again.

"Listen, Lucy, and I hope that it is ok that I call you Lucy."

I nodded.

"You survived something that eleven people before you did not. You could have lost yourself completely when you were in that coffin, but you didn't. You fought, and regardless of what you may be feeling, you are both strong and brave for enduring it."

She leaned forward and opened the notepad, picking up her pen and scribbling something on the page. When she was done, she dropped the pen, and picked up the piece of paper and handed it over to me.

I looked at the piece of paper in confusion. "What's this?"

Dr. London smiled. "It's your clearance to return to active duty. After all, it is why you were here today, was it not?"

I took the piece of paper from her hand. "You're clearing me?"

"You were honest with me. And, in my professional opinion, I believe you are not a threat to yourself or those that you work with."

I should just be happy and take the piece of paper, get up, and walk out of that office, but I couldn't keep my big mouth shut from wanting to know how she came to that conclusion.

"Why?"

"Most people react to fear and trauma in a way that would shut them down. Not you. It does the opposite for you, Officer Chen. Even as you sit here right now, your expression tells me that despite it all, you can't wait to get back out there and be on the streets again. You need to get back out there. You're just scared."

Damn. She was good. Not even my parents were able to get me to talk or figure me out.

"How…how do you stop being scared?" I asked, picking a piece of fuzz from my pants.

"By feeling safe again. Taking back control," she answered. "Maybe that's the job or the environment, friends, or…" she paused and waited until I looked up at her. "Maybe it's a someone."

She waited for me to say something, but I gave nothing away. My mind went to the hospital after I had woken up.

I heard a slight scuffle in the hallway, before a figure appeared in my doorway.

Tim.

Tim in a hospital gown, fuzzy socks, and walking with his intravenous. He remained standing in my doorway, making no move to enter as he looked up to meet my eyes.

"Hey," he said hesitantly.

My eyes instantly went to his side. He had gotten shot and lot a good amount of blood but had refused to get treatment until he knew I would be ok. I could still feel the red, stickiness of his blood mix with my shirt. I still remember the moment the adrenaline started to leave his body until he passed out.

"Hey yourself," I finally answered. I had been caught at looking at his side. "Should you even be walking around after being shot?"

He shot me a tantalizing smile. "It was more of a graze."

He stepped into the room, as I shook my head at him. I attempted to hide the wince in my neck after the repeated drugging and awkward angle from being buried alive.

"It was more than a graze." My look turned more serious. "You should be resting."

I watched his movements as he came all the way into my room and occupied the seat next to my bed, making sure his intravenous cart came with him. Like me, he attempted to hide the grimace at taking a seat but failed.

"I am more interested in checking in on you. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." We both knew that was a lie.

"We're not on the job, Lucy. I don't need the cop answer so you can't be pulled from your shift," he scolded.

I shifted in my bed so I could angle my body to look at him more comfortably. "And you? How are you really doing?"

Two could play this game.

"What happened to me was nothing compared to what happened to you."

I lifted my head, my eyes narrowing. "What happened was not your fault. You know that, right?"

His jaw clenched. "If I was a better training officer you would have never been in that situation in the first place."

I scoffed. "You can't be serious! What happened, that was Palmer and Palmer alone. You literally put your life on the line to save me. You took a bullet for me," I argued.

"A graze—"

"Tim…" This was one of those times I wouldn't let his jokes distract me. "You almost died because of me, and if that happened, I don't know…"

I left those words hanging there because I didn't think I could say them. By his looks and the palpable tension in the room between us, I wasn't sure if he felt the same.

"Lucy…"

Harper and Lopez entered the room that moment and we didn't get to finish that conversation. I was just left with the emotions of seeing him again—actually seeing him—after I thought I never would again.

"Either way, it is my professional opinion the only way you are going to find out what makes you safe, is by returning to your normal routine," Dr. London continued, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome."

I got up to leave and started moving to the door, when Dr. London did the same.

"Lucy?"

I turned back to glance at her.

"Promise me that when moments come, because they will, lean into them. Find that safety. You will be glad that you did."

I nodded and stepped out of the room.

Tim

One week earlier…

"We meet again, Dr. London," I said casually, as I sat down on her sofa.

"You and I seem to be meeting more frequently over the years," she commented.

"Not by choice. No offense."

She smiled. "How is your side?"

I rested my hands on my thighs of my jeans. "Just a scratch, doc. Nothing a few stitches couldn't patch up."

She arched her brow. "Is that all, just a scratch?"

I knew what she was trying to do. Turn my physical wound into a mental one. It's what all these shrinks did.

"Yes, just a scratch," I confirmed.

She sat back, crossing her one leg over the other. "And Officer Chen, was that to, just a scratch?"

"Of course not," I replied, affronted, even angry a little that she implied that thought. "What happened to Officer Chen…what she experienced," I paused, because it didn't seem any words would be the right ones. "That sick bastard buried her alive and wanted me to watch while he did it."

"You did watch it, didn't you?"

My jaw clenched. "I didn't have a choice."

"You watched until she went unconscious, didn't you?"

It was something that I still couldn't get out of my mind, every time I saw Lucy's face. There were times her voice would haunt me as she sang herself to sleep, even in those last minutes still trying to hang on.

"Yes."

"How did that make you feel?"

I balked at the question. "How do you think that made me feel? How would it make anyone feel?"

"I am not interested in what anyone else thinks or feels, just you."

I held her gaze for a minute, before I looked out towards the window, the light poking through, as I wiped down my face.

"She's, my Boot. My responsibility," I answered.

"So, you feel responsible for what Carl Palmer did to her? You didn't do that, Officer Bradford," she reasoned.

"I should have never put her in that position in the first place. She's a rookie."

She inhaled. "This isn't your first rookie as a training officer."

"No."

"And as a training officer, your job is to prepare them for all possible circumstances and situations so when they pass their probationary time, they are equipped to be on their own."

I ran my hands up and down my thighs, anticipating exactly where her comments were headed. "Yes, that's right."

"So, then why are you blaming yourself for doing your job, here?"

"I—"

"Officer Chen strikes me as a woman that knows what she is capable of handling. She did volunteer and asked to meet with Carl Palmer in prison."

"Yes, but I knew better. I knew what someone like him was capable of doing. I could have gone in there myself and then he never would have set his fixation on her."

"This isn't your first rookie, Officer Bradford. This also isn't your first rookie that has gotten injured on the job."

I raised my chin. "This has nothing to do with Officer Kent."

"Officer Kent wasn't your fault. She wasn't even your rookie anymore when it happened, but yet, you still feel responsible," she pointed out.

"Because she was my rookie. It was my job to train and prepare her for the job," I argued.

"Yes, yes it is. Which you did. I read your reports and evaluations, Officer Bradford. You did your job. But you can't help what they do once they go out on their own. Anymore than the fact that you couldn't control the actions of your father, or the conditions you faced when you were in war."

I shook my head. "I don't…what does any of this have to do with what happened to Officer Chen?"

"You hold yourself responsible for the actions of others, and your history tells me you have done this since you were a kid. What will it take for you to let all of that go?"

"I hold myself responsible when I need to," I corrected.

"Is that what you did with Isabel?"

I stood up. "I am not doing this. My childhood, my ex-wife, none of that has anything to do with what happened to Officer Chen."

"Sit down, Tim!"

She stared me down, until I sat back down.

"I'll tell you why it is relevant. You were so willing to trade yourself, to die in place of Officer Chen if that meant protecting her."

"It's my job to protect her. She's my Boot," I exclaimed, repeating my earlier statement.

She offered me a sad smile. "She's you, Tim. Which is probably why you two work so well together even if it has only been a couple of months. You may not see it, but your colleagues and even I see it."

"What…what does—"

"She's the you that you wished you could have saved all those years ago when you were a child, but couldn't. You didn't have the control discipline, even the strength then. You managed some when you were on tour when you became a platoon leader, but then Isabel put you back in a spiral that you couldn't control no matter how much you tried."

"I am not discussing Isabel—"

"You couldn't save Isabel," she pushed against my protests. "That almost destroyed you. She didn't want to be saved no matter how much you begged and pleaded, and the subconscious, that little child inside of you that you feel you failed, was feeling left behind and failed all over again. Add the thought that you might not be able to save Lucy Chen is more than you want to deal with, which is why you were so willing to go and take her place."

"I…" The words caught in my throat. "Are you saying I am more of a danger to Officer Chen?"

"No, I am just asking you to be honest with yourself for why you did what you did to rescue, Officer Chen."

"I did what I did to save her. I don't regret it," I said without an ounce of remorse. "And before you try and make it something else, I did it as her T.O."

"Are you worried that Officer Chen won't be able to come back?"

"Every T.O. worries about that. It's the nature of getting injured on the job. But Officer Chen is strong and I know she will come back," I said confidently.

"Do you believe it is in her best interest to return to you as her T.O.?"

I looked down. "Yes. But if I am not what she needs, then I will put the request in to have her reassigned."

Dr. London arched a brow. "You would do that?"

"I will always do whatever is best for my Boot," I confirmed.

She smiled, standing up and picking up a piece of paper from her coffee table and handing it to me. "You're cleared for duty," she said.

I shot her a puzzled look. "Just like that?"

"Just like that, Officer Bradford. I needed to make sure this control that is a part of you would not impede your ability to do what is best for your rookie." She grinned. "And you have been injured enough times for me to know that you know how to deal with the trauma."

I took the piece of paper from her hand. "Is Officer Chen going to be, ok?" I asked, knowing she was going to be the one to make that decision.

"You know, I can't talk about other patients with you," she answered.

I nodded.

"But…if she manages to find her way back, I think you'll know exactly what to do."

Lucy

Two weeks later…

"Sorry, I tried," John said as everyone in the room continued to clap once we sat down.

It was the one thing I didn't want, even if it was tradition. It is my first day back on the job, and I am finally getting back that normalcy I had been needing.

"Personally, I thought you'd be back the moment the doc cleared you," Jackson said.

I pulled out my notepad. "I tried. Sergeant Grey said the Captain refused to let me back for another two weeks."

I looked behind me to see Tim in his usual spot, his eyes instantly meeting mine the moment I looked at him. He held my gaze, before I finally broke the eye contact and turned forward.

"Did Tim get the same welcoming just before I came in?" I asked. John and Jackson looked at each other. "What?"

"Bradford was back weeks ago," John answered.

I sat back in my chair. "What? Why didn't he have additional mandatory time off!"

"My guess is because he is a senior officer and a T.O," Jackson offered.

I groaned. "Just great. I had to sit around for two weeks, but he gets and gets to come back in two."

"Alright, listen up," Grey exclaimed as he stepped into the briefing room. "First, let's all welcome back Officer Chen." He stopped in front of me. "It's good to have you back, Officer Chen."

"Thank you, sir."

"And as of this morning, Mid Wilshire has its newest Sergeant. Congratulations to Officer, Tim Bradford."

The room broke into applause with some of the officers, including Lopez and Harper giving a standing ovation. I turned in my seat, clapping, with a proud smile on my face. Tim looked around the room before his eyes settled on me a passing look between us before Grey got the room back in order.

"You can pass along your well wishes to the new Sarge after roll call. Now, for the first time ever, midnight shift did their job and left us no open cases. That means you are all cleared to answer any patrol calls that you see fit."

That made everyone in the room more than happy.

"Before your dismissed just a few changes. I need Nolan on a separate case, so Officer Chen you will be with Harper who has graciously decided to step in and help."

Why was he putting me with Harper?

"That's it, dismissed."

I stood, turning to look at Harper and Tim. Tim held my gaze for a minute before he walked away.

"You're with me today, Boot," Harper said when I reached her.

"Why am I not with Tim?"

Her brows shot up. "I think the thing you meant to say was, 'Gee thank you, Detective Harper for putting your own training on hold so that way you could come back and be my T.O. for the day.'"

I looked down. "You're right. I'm sorry. Thank you."

"Uh-huh. Besides, Tim thought that you might benefit from being under my wing today," she added.

"Or that he thinks I am not ready and too fragile," I muttered.

"Yeah, ok, we're not gonna do that. Your T.O. will make decisions that are necessary to ensure you are successful. And for what it's worth, I am in complete agreement with this decision," Harper chastised.

"Yes, sir."

Harper pointed in the direction of the shop. "Go and get our war gear. I wanna leave in less than five minutes."

The first half of the shift had been routine with not too much happening. After lunch we got back in the shop and continued driving until dispatch sent us a call.

"Listen, you can tell me…if Tim—Sergeant Bradford doesn't want to train me anymore, just tell me," I said.

Harper looked from the road and then back at me. "Alright, look, this was my idea. Bradford took some convincing."

"Why? Why did you want to ride with me?" I asked.

"Look, I know you want to do more than patrol eventually, and I also know what it's like when something major happens to you and it makes you question whether your as good as you thought you once were," she answered.

"What happened?" I asked.

I can sense her reluctance to want to talk about it, but she was fighting through it because she honestly thought it would help me.

"My first year in U.C. work, I was cocky. As a patrol officer, I built up a lot of C.I.s and I practically knew where every gang operated and how to make a good bust. By the time I realized I had gotten a little to in over my head, instead of asking for help, I kept my mouth shut and pushed forward. And it almost got me killed," she explained.

"You think I am in over my head?" I asked.

"No, I didn't say that. What I am saying, is that I went up against some pretty heavy hitters. I lost a fight and when I did, it made me second guess everything I said and did as well as all my thoughts and actions and that is what almost got me killed."

She pulled up to the next red light and looked at me.

"You're a good cop, Chen. I see why Bradford says probably the best he has seen—"

"He said that?" I interjected, feeling a little sense of pride.

Her irritated look, told me that she wasn't happy for my interruption. "Just don't let what happened to you define you and make you think you're not a good cop. You have great instincts and you are tough as hell. As women, we are always going to be seen as weaker and picked last for the more serious and involved tasks. You have to show them why they are wrong. You have to let them know that we can be just as lethal in size and strength."

"7-Adam-7, we got a burglary alarm going off at Palmetto and Matteo. Several RP's have reported male subject is armed and dangerous."

Harper picked up the radio. "7-Adam-7, attach us to the call. Code 3."

Harper looked at me as I flipped on the siren.

"We're two blocks out. Are you ready for this?" she asked.

"I'm good," I replied.

As we pulled up on scene, people were screaming and running in different directions. I exited the shop, a frantic woman running past me as she pointed in the direction of where the man was.

Harper was in front, both our weapons drawn as we reached the small grocery/convenience store.

Glass and boxes of food were smashed on the floor, along with other items. Harper moved in first, as I followed, each of us taking an aisle. As I got to the back end of the store, I saw a door to the back room open.

"Harper, he's making a run for the back," I yelled.

I moved on instinct, running to follow, my weapon drawn. I kicked the door open, entering slowly, working to get my breathing under control and listening for any possible movement.

Out the corner of my eye, I saw a sleeve run from what looked like a back office in the opposite direction.

"Police! Stop!"

I followed, and then I heard the first bullet fire from his gun as it flew past me. I ducked, making a beeline for the wall, gripping my gun tightly in my hands.

I pressed the button on my coms. "7-Adam-7, shots fired. Request additional assistance," I said, before I gripped my gun back up. I closed my eyes for a brief second, before stepping back out and moving forward.

My heart was racing, making sure not to lose focus at any small sound. I shook my head and told myself to focus.

I saw him again, doubling back to go back out the way we had come. He had probably figured or seen Harper had gone to the back.

I stepped out, my gun drawn. "Stop! Police. Drop the weapon."

He turned and fired, and so did I. He shot three times, all into goods or the wall, his gun emptying. I move forward with my gun still drawn.

"Get on the ground. Do it now!" I demanded.

He sneered at me, but with his gun emptied, he slowly started to get to his knees. "Hands up," I ordered.

He dropped his bag of stolen goods and put his hands up. I slowly moved behind him, instructing him not to move, as I holstered my gun to move in and cuff him. As I got the first cuff on his wrist, he moved quickly and grabbed me to fling me to the ground.

I was on my back, as he straddled me, his hands around my neck. I grabbed at his hands and arms, but he was bigger than me and stronger, keeping me immobile.

He was squeezing now, making it harder to breathe. I tried to assess my situation, but it was hard to find a vantage point.

Then it happened.

Palmer's face filled my vision, just as it had when he attacked me in my apartment in an exact situation.

"Chen!"

It was Harper, she was closing in on us, but he was stillsqueezing the breath from my lungs, I couldn't make a sound. Her words were in my head from just before the call. Reminding me not to get in my head and admit defeat.

This guy was double my size in height and girth, so going at him head on wouldn't work. Spots started to swim in my vision, and I was going to lose consciousness soon if I did not break out.

His eyes were filled with malice and excitement just as Palmer's had been when he wanted to subdue me too. Those eyes that had haunted my nightmares for the last four weeks.

I cried out, moving my hands to his face, my hands and nails clawing at his flesh until I reached his eyes, my fingers pressing into his sockets.

He yelled out in pain, loosening his grip so that I could punch him in the face. As he fell to the side, I quickly rolled out of the way, coughing and grabbing at my throat for fresh oxygen.

Harper was there, her gun drawn, eyes of concern looking at me as I grabbed at my uniform and started to unbutton and pull it from my neck.

"Roll over!" Harper demanded to the suspect, holstering her gun and pulling out her cuffs. "You good?" She asked, looking at me.

I started to relax now that the breath was flowing into my lungs. "Yeah, good," I rasped.

"Well, call it in," she ordered.

"7-Adam-7, one in custody. Code 4."

Harper rolled the suspect to his side and barked at him to get up. I did the same. She stopped him right in front of me, the suspect looking at me as if he wanted to kill me.

"It's your arrest, Officer Chen."

I swallowed, and nodded. What she was really saying, was that I had the control, and for the first time since I had been kidnapped by Palmer, I was starting to believe everything was going to be ok.

"You have the right to remain silent…"

My first official shift after coming back from leave was over. All in all, it was a pretty good day.

I said good-bye to John and Jackson, as there was one more thing that I needed to do before the day was done.

As I headed back into the station, I was glad I hadn't missed him.

"Tim!"

He turned at the sound of my name.

"Lucy. How was your first day back?" he asked.

"It was good," I replied.

"Harper said you guys took some gunshots and you had to wrestle the suspect."

I could see the worry lines in his expression. Of course, Harper was going to go back and tell my T.O. that I let my head almost get me killed today.

"Yeah, nothing I couldn't handle," I assured. He gave me one of his rare and genuine smiles. "So, listen, I understand if you would rather not be my T.O. anymore."

He actually looked taken back. "Boot, I never said I didn't want to be your T.O. And just so you know, Tim Bradford always finishes what he starts, and I am not done training you yet. I just figured—"

"Yeah, Harper told me," I cut in. "Nothing against Harper, because she is great and all, but she isn't you." He looked surprised by my statement, but a good surprise.

It was in that moment, I truly realized how important those words were. Everything I had talked about with Dr. London in our session once she cleared me just hit me. It wasn't a routine or a where that made me feel safe. It was a who.

Tim Bradford made me feel safe in a way that no one else ever had.

That realization hit me like a ton of bricks, and I suddenly didn't know what to do with that emotion. It was strong, but it felt more right than anything I had ever felt in my entire life.

It scared me too.

"Well, then, I'll tell Grey tomorrow it's back to you and I," he said.

I just nodded, to overcome with the feelings inside of me that I didn't know how to process or what they truly meant yet.

"Anyway, I'm glad you're back," he said with a smile. "I missed you, Boot."

The swallow of saliva down my throat felt constricting. "I missed you too," I admitted. "Listen—"

"Tim, there you are!"

We turned our heads to the side, my brows creasing when I saw Special Agent Laura Stensen walking towards us.

"Sorry, I got caught up on a phone call. I hope you weren't waiting long," she said. She turned to me and smiled as soon as she saw me. "Hey, Officer Chen. First day back?"

I shook the surprise away. "Uh, yeah. You're still here?" I asked.

She laughed, adjusting her purse on her shoulder. "Yeah," she answered, looking over at Tim with longing in her eyes, and I felt a pit grow in the bottom of my stomach. "After we closed the Palmer case, I have earned some much needed time off."

"And you chose to spend it at a police station?" I asked, my words coming out a little judgy.

She chuckled. "Well, I guess when you put it that way, I am in a police station."

My chest tightened, when I saw her wrap her arm around Tim's waist and his arm resting on her shoulder as he pulled her in. Tim turned back to me, easily reading the question on my face.

"Laura and I got to talking after your rescue and during my leave. Turns out we have a lot in common," he said.

This can't be happening.

Laura beamed. "We've gone on a couple of dates and so far, things are going well." She looked up at Tim. "Things are going well, right?"

He smiled at her and I could see it was one that reached his eyes. "Yeah, it's going well."

I wanted to throw up.

"That's great!" I lied.

Tim turned back to me, and I had to force the smile on my face. I had to look away and to Laura, because I knew if I looked at him, he would see something was wrong.

"We should get going,"Laura announced. "Our reservation is in fifteen minutes and we have to get across town."

"Yeah, right, please don't let me get in the way," I said too quickly.

"It was good seeing you again, "Laura said turning to me.

"Yeah, you too," I replied.

Tim looked back at me and damn if my chest didn't ache. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow," I managed, before they turned, and I watched them walk out of the station hand and hand.