A/N: All of The Mask in one chapter. Ugh, why drag it out any more than I have to! A little bit of wtf...also some ramblings from me about this episode. This is a low point, but it's worth examining in depth. I think people get opinionated about how the characters act here. So it's my take. Sarah wants nothing to do with Shaw and his hitting on her.Nothing. Up to the point where Chuck finds them in the museum, she is barely tolerating Shaw. Sarah smiles warmly when Chuck calls her his partner. So why then, right in the next scene, is she cold to him? My guess...Sarah smells Hannah's perfume in the stairwell. We know because she does comment. But Sarah is cold first. Chuck is the one that brings up Shaw, out of no where. Sarah is telling him the truth there-she has rebuffed everything Shaw did, everything that Chuck sees is one-sided. Why? He's jealous, even after Hannah just grabbed him and kissed him and he kissed her back. For no reason. Sarah gets angry in return, because Chuck gives the same line-only he's not being honest. Hannah and he were more than professional at that point. But then Hannah is all set with him after he takes off on her. That "touched my neck at the party" line is one of the worst in the whole series! Yuck! I can't watch it and not cringe. Why in the blue blazes would she say that...out of the blue...with no indication whatsoever that Shaw was anything but annoying? She was poisoned and dying. Shaw comes clean. But, more importantly, Chuck had no choice, as Casey points out. Hannah had to come first, because she was a civilian. Did Sarah understand? Probably. But it didn't help the situation. Chuck sees her in Shaw's arms, and assumes their situation is the same as his, even though it wasn't. He moves on with Hannah, asking Sarah if she was ok with it as a way to sort of let her down easy, thinking she chose Shaw. They both settle, when they both want each other more than the person each of them thinks the other wants. Complicated enough? Crap communicators! Chuck dives in with both feet with Hannah when Sarah doesn't correct him about "her and Shaw." Sarah isn't even "with" Shaw at this point. She is lost. Shaw is there to pick up the pieces. I would love to hear if you agree or disagree with my viewpoint here. It's so controversial. Five more miserable chapters to go!

Five days after Chuck burned his asset, Shaw returned from his covert mission. He never explained where he had been or what he was doing. He did know all about Manoosh and his portable Intersect, as well as Chuck's role in the mission, including the difficult outcome.

I was working my cover job at the Orange Orange when I got the call from Casey. He was with Shaw and they were on a mission, and things had gone sideways. At first, I was surprised that Casey had been pulled, but not Chuck or myself. It was unusual. But before I could dwell on that, Casey told me that Shaw was trapped in a museum vault and was slowly running out of breathable air. He needed me to go get Chuck.

I hated walking into the Buy More since Hannah had started working there. Somehow, she had figured out who I was, or who she thought I was, Chuck's ex, although in my head, I didn't think of myself that way. We had never been together for me to be his ex anything. It was the cover, though. Hannah and I never interacted, never actually even exchanged glances. She was never hostile to me, jealous of me, at least not that I ever saw, so it wasn't that.

Rather, it was watching the two of them. The flirting was sickening, making me feel nauseous when I had to see it, even from far away. She seemed, I don't know, almost desperate, which was another reason why when I had questions about her, I would tend to lean on the side of Hannah just being an inconvenient coincidence, no manipulation involved. She overtly flirted, making what Casey would call goo-goo eyes at Chuck at every opportunity. I mean, the girl followed him to California for a lousy twelve dollar an hour job. It was borderline stalker-ish.

Chuck, to be fair, was flirting just as hard. With him, though, it was honest. Genuine. I would question if he even realized he was doing it, the way he had been oblivious to Lou's interest in him. He wasn't intentionally behaving in any way, he was just being himself. Which is probably why it made me so sick. He liked her. He was attracted to her.

Once again, the sensation of losing something overwhelmed me, though to be fair, Chuck had never been mine to lose. That made it even worse.

Chuck was impatient with me as I approached him while he was talking to Hannah, almost dismissive. I had to tell him things were bad, that Shaw was in danger of dying if he didn't come with me. He argued, which wasn't usually like him. It took too long to convince him he needed to go to the museum to help open the vault where Shaw was trapped. He wanted to stay with Hannah.

No one paid any attention to the fact that Hannah had followed him until she just showed up, complicating things incredibly. It was lucky for me I went in my own car, separate from Chuck. Hannah seeing me there, at that point, would have almost certainly blown Chuck's cover, or at least, raised significant questions about too many things.

Casey and I were in the access space above the vault, trying to open the door, while Chuck was tasked with rebooting the server so the door would open again. Casey wanted to blow the door, but it would have killed Shaw, as well as attract attention to whatever it was Shaw was trying to do in secret.

I think I blanched when I heard Hannah's voice. We had run out of time. How was Chuck supposed to work with a civilian, who he knew, looking over his shoulder?

Shaw gave up, and asked us to blow the hatch. He was close to death. We had no choice.

Oddly enough, because Hannah was there, and could assist, Chuck was able to reboot the system in time and we pulled Shaw to safety before his presence was detected. While we were helping Shaw, we heard the museum curator hiring Chuck, with Hannah, to work the next night at the opening to the Mask of Alexander exhibit.

Shaw told Chuck he, along with Hannah, was going to help Shaw steal the Mask of Alexander.

I had no idea what he was talking about or why, but I was uneasy. It started there, and it built. I gradually became more uneasy as the mission progressed, for a variety of reasons. Although, I can honestly say now the primary driver was Hannah and Chuck. It was killing me, and I was doing everything in my power to pretend like it wasn't.

The next morning, Shaw showed up with coffee for me. I had never had a conversation with him about how I liked my coffee–but he knew I drank it black, and he brought me a swivel stick, because he said he knew I liked to chew them. It irritated the hell out of me, despite the fact that he was correct on all accounts.

Chuck had figured out so much about my likes and dislikes by observing. Why wouldn't a master spy like Shaw have been able to figure that stuff out, too?

Only when Chuck did it, I found it sweet. When Shaw did it, it felt like it was crossing a line. Like he was coming on to me. It reminded me too much of what my life had been like before I had come to Burbank.

What it would be again, after I was gone. Whenever my thoughts would go there, and I felt like I was standing at the edge of the abyss looking down, I would tell myself to stop. One day at a time. But it was hard.

Casey and Chuck showed up in time for a briefing with Shaw. He told us he believed that the Ring was using precious museum artifacts to smuggle items through customs, since they were not subject to inspection the same way as regular cargo. We were taking the mask and switching it with a fake so we could see what the Ring had hidden inside.

Chuck was in charge of the control room, to monitor any snags. Casey was surveillance. Shaw and I were to pose as guests at the party. I felt my stomach flip flop at the idea. He was already skirting the edge of inappropriate. Now I had to pretend to be on a date with him?

I made sure my objections were on record about taking a civilian on the mission. Chuck was very nonchalant, saying he could handle her, and she could cover for him. It got under my skin, the way he said it. Like she was putty in his hands. Chuck didn't usually talk like that.

I went back to my hotel and got ready for the party. For the first time in ages, I didn't think about Chuck once while I was getting ready. It didn't matter what I wore. He was more interested in Hannah than what I was wearing. At the same time, too sexy was not how I wanted to look in front of Shaw. I pulled my hair back in a conservative bun. My dress was snug, but classy. Perfect for the mission.

We were counting and packing our gear in Castle, all dressed for the party. Shaw was…I don't want to say leering. He was too good a spy to openly leer at anyone, when he wanted to be subtle. His looks at me were…smoldering. Strange, but as close as I can get to how he was making me feel. Like a piece of meat, and I hated it.

He made a comment about this being our first mission in the field, so he wanted to be on the same page. He wanted to coordinate our back story. How many dates had we been on? Had we slept together yet?

I came very close to slapping him, only refraining because he could hide behind the guise of work while he was making unwanted advances. I tried to be as cold as I could when I told him, no, we had not.

We arrived at the museum separately, coordinating Chuck and Hannah's arrival and Casey in the surveillance van.

Shaw and I were walking through the exhibit, mingling around the other guests, when he put his arm around me, first on my shoulder and then sliding down to my waist, low on my waist. My urge was to swat his hand away, but it would have ruined our cover. I reminded him what I'd said before.

He came up with an excuse to grope me. He was whispering in my ear, pointing out security cameras, when I felt his breath and then his lips on my neck. It bothered me, like fingernails on a chalkboard, even if it did make me shiver just a bit.

Why was he making a scene? We weren't creating a diversion. We were observing. It wasn't necessary. He was taking advantage of the situation. It made me wonder at first if he was doing it on purpose, because he knew Chuck could see us on the monitors in the control room. I didn't realize yet the full extent of Shaw trying to drive Chuck and I apart, not this early, though I was suspicious. Actions like that fueled my suspicions.

Chuck came out onto the museum floor, which surprised us both. He came to tell us that he had flashed on a Ring agent, the one who had imported the mask, and he was there, in the museum with us. Shaw said we needed to abort, that he could be recognized by the Ring agent. They did believe that Shaw had been killed by Devon a few weeks ago.

There were multiple Ring agents present, as it turned out. They were there to take the mask. We had to move. Shaw said he didn't want me to go in alone. Chuck volunteered to go with me. I would be lying if I said my heart didn't jump, just a bit, at the thought of being with him instead of Shaw. I told Shaw to go, that Chuck and I could manage, even as he was protesting, implying that Chuck couldn't handle it. Chuck and I together were a formidable team. Even now.

Once Shaw walked away, Chuck called me his partner. I smiled despite myself. It felt so nice.

Until we were in the stairway, on the way to the access space, after Chuck disabled the security system. He didn't smell like Chuck…he wreaked of women's perfume. Hannah. It couldn't have been all over his shirt the way it was unless she had pressed herself against him, maybe kissed him. I felt sick, worse than before, but my training kicked in and suddenly I was cool, mission focused, which to him, came off as cold, I'm sure.

That was probably why he brought up how cozy Shaw and I had been at the party. I guess he had seen Shaw's stupid antics on camera. Only, he seemed…almost jealous, like it wasn't just play-acting. He brought up Shaw's handsy-ness, how he brought me coffee. That made me angry. Was he really jealous? After he'd been all over Hannah at the same time?

I bristled, and then snapped. I let him know I knew Hannah and he had been canoodling. Only way more snippety than I would have liked. Especially since we were on audio, and Shaw was listening because he was now in the van with Casey.

Much later, I found out Casey had cut our mics. I never knew if it was because he was afraid we would say something that would further arouse suspicions in Shaw that we were more than colleagues in the past…or if he just didn't want Shaw to get the upper hand with anything. Casey hated emotional displays, but I don't think he was oblivious to Shaw's advances towards me. He would never say the real reason, ever, only that Chuck and I always talked too much when we were on missions. At any rate, he was covering for us, like he had always done.

Chuck lowered me down through the hatch to grab the mask while the door was still locked. Chuck was supporting my weight when the Ring agents arrived in the access space. That sent Chuck down into the vault, and me back up again. I fought the Ring agent, anchoring Chuck to the unconscious Ring agent, so he didn't fall. As I was securing that, another agent grabbed me around the neck and started choking me.

To make matters worse, while I was fighting and Chuck was dangling, Hannah had managed to override Chuck's security disabling and open the vault. Shaw had to override and close it. But it was only a matter of time before Hannah managed to do it. We were in peril.

It took a while, but I finally got the upper hand, belting the guy across the face with my elbow and then cracking him in the face with the replica of the mask. When I finally looked down into the vault, Chuck had the mask in hand. I tossed down the replica and he caught it, placing it on its pedestal seconds before the doors opened for good. Chuck was up through the door just in the nick of time.

The rest of the evening, Chuck and I stayed away from each other. It felt deliberate. We had never been like that. Inside, I was sure it was because of Hannah.

In the morning, we started our task of examining the mask, looking for whatever it was that could be hidden inside. Shaw showed up with coffee for me again. I got angry and told him to keep it professional; I wasn't interested in his cheesy come ons. He bought coffee for Casey too, although as a shield for his true meaning.

Shaw and I started scanning the mask, looking for clues. Chuck called just as Shaw found an indentation in the base that opened it up. Chuck was telling me that Vasillis knew that we had taken the mask, that they had Hannah, and they were going to kill her if he didn't give it back. I had a strange moment of deja vu, remembering him saying something similar when we thought Fulcrum had kidnapped Jill and wanted the drive.

I didn't have that long to ponder that, though, because once the base of the mask was open, a cylinder rolled out, then started spewing a cloudy gas into the room. The sensors in Castle went off, sealing Shaw and I inside, with the poisonous gas.

Chuck flashed on it, I think, because he knew that it was a battlefield toxin, but there was a counteragent. He was talking really fast, as I soon realized how even as the initial burst of smoke cleared, my lungs were still burning with every breath. We had 60 minutes before the fatal dose would kill us.

Chuck was torn. He needed to get the counteragent at the museum. But Hannah was in danger at the same museum. How could he save us all? I saw that panic on his face, but he took off running. He was sure as hell going to try.

It didn't take long at all until I was sure I felt like I'd been poisoned. I got lightheaded and nauseous. Soon, my legs were shaking and I had to sit. Shaw sat opposite me. He seemed genuinely concerned at how quickly the poison had affected me.

I didn't realize it, but apparently, it worked to lower my inhibitions too, like a drug. I couldn't think straight. I felt almost drunk, like I was losing control of my mouth and the words I said.

Shaw apologized for hitting on me, and then not being truthful about the fact that he was hitting on me. He seemed sincere, and his being able to admit the truth humanized him at that moment, made him seem like a real person instead of a super spy.

It was like I was hearing someone else talk, only it was me, when I apologized to him too, telling him I overreacted. It went further. I told him I liked the way he touched me at the party. Did I even think that? Did I not know myself? Maybe it was because we were dying and running out of time. I don't really know.

And I don't remember anything after, not until I vaguely heard Casey calling my name. Then the cold metal of the antidote inhaler against my lip, its fumes filling my lungs as I breathed in. My surroundings slowly focused.

I was in the museum, on the floor. Shaw was holding me against his chest. He asked me if I was ok. I thanked him for saving my life.

Because he did.

Of course, in the background, beyond my awareness, Chuck had saved Hannah's life. She had to take priority–she was a civilian. No matter what was going on between us, I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for Chuck to do what he did, believing he had doomed me to death. I know it now, although at the time, I minimized that, because of how I thought he felt about Hannah.

Fortunately for all of us, and her, Hannah was unconscious, and had no idea what had happened in the museum. She thought it was an accident and that Chuck had saved her just in time. The broken vases, Ring agents, plus Shaw and I, were swept out of the way, so Chuck could get her out of there without seeing any of it.

Casey took care of the cleaners and the mess and Shaw took me back to Castle so we could rest a bit after our ordeal.

It was during that time, alone in Castle with Shaw, that he talked about Chuck's long term status. He admitted that the entire mission with the mask would have been a fiasco had Chuck not taken control. He was quickly becoming the spy Beckman had been trying to train him to be. Not long from now, as a full fledged spy, Chuck would move on to bigger and better things.

I felt like the bottom of my world had been pulled away and I started falling…falling down a hole with no handholds.

It's important to note here: Chuck talked about Hannah to me during that same conversation on the train that I talked to him about Bryce and Sam. No gorey details, thankfully. Neither of us wanted to know all that–it was just important perspective. But that is how I know about what happened next.

What I didn't see, what I didn't know here caused the snowball of misery to grow. Chuck had seen that Shaw had carried me in, though he was poisoned too, and saved me. Chuck was still jealous, but he believed he had failed me, and Shaw had stepped up. That Shaw was more deserving of my admiration and respect.

Chuck, on the other hand, felt guilty as well that he had put an innocent like Hannah in danger because he had been so flippant about handling her.

He was holding her, crying because he had almost lost both of us…because he thought of that moment as the moment we had crossed the line, and we couldn't even really be friends anymore because of other people getting in the way.

We both gave up. Nothing good would come of that, not for a long time.

Back in Castle, after a job well done was congratulated, Shaw and I broke the news to Chuck that eventually, Team Bartowski as it stood would not continue. We were training him, and then he would move on, autonomously, in the field, without us. He seemed a little dismayed at that.

I'm sure it helped push him into Hannah's arms, the thought of losing me and then never seeing me again. I'm sure that was why Shaw chose then to say it.

Chuck looked shell-shocked when we said it, but he recovered quickly.

He seemed like he was in a hurry to leave, to get away from us. I called after him as he was about to run out of Castle.

"Hey," I called. "Uh, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I still felt like I was falling…Chuck was the only handhold I had ever known in my entire life. I was desperately grabbing at something that was already gone. I couldn't help it.

"Yeah. I mean, I guess I've gotten used to us being a team, you know." He meant me, specifically, I know that now, but I believed otherwise at that moment.

"Well, we're not going anywhere yet. But Shaw's right. At some point I'm just going to be standing in your way," I looked away, uncomfortable as he looked at me, "and not just professionally." I didn't know what else to say. Eloquence was not my strong suit.

"Right." He looked embarrassed, shifting his eyes away. He paused, then asked, "Are you sure you're ok with the whole Hannah thing?"

Why did he ask me that, that way? I felt like he had driven a spike through my heart. I wanted to scream, tell him how badly my heart hurt, how all of it was killing me. But he didn't want to hear that. His question was…a polite way of letting me down easy.

Because he took the almost one-sided looking scenario with Shaw as me moving on. Why correct him? It didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

"Oh, I shouldn't have given you a hard time. She's great and…" I smiled, forced, feeling like my face was going to shatter.

She's what you want, not me.

"How do you think I feel about you and Shaw? I mean, you two are perfect together. It's disgusting." We weren't together really, were we? But…maybe…he was where I could land…once I stopped falling. If I ever stopped falling.

"In…a heart-warming kind of way." He blew out a hard breath, looking down at the floor, suddenly serious. "Look, all I know is the guy carried you out of Castle on his back while you were both dying. So, if I have to see you with someone else it might as well be a hero, right?'

Why? Why did he have to see me with someone else? I couldn't smile anymore, I could hardly breathe, the pain of my broken heart overwhelming me.

"What can I say? I have a type." My eyes were starting to mist, sting. I hoped he knew what I meant. It was the only way I had to communicate how important he was to me, even if he was breaking my heart…completely unaware.

He looked so…sad, when I said that. It felt so final. Too final.

"I'll see you, Sarah," he said with a crooked smile.

"Bye, Chuck," I whispered, before my throat closed up completely. He turned the way he always did, his body first and then his head, like he was taking one last look at me.

I waited until he walked away before I let my mask fall.

I had a moment, like my life flashing before my eyes, only it wasn't my whole life. Just every minute I had ever had with Chuck. Every kiss, every smile, every smidgeon of happiness that he had infused into my life.

All of it…and now it was gone.

I was still Sarah, but also…not quite Sarah. Sarah Walker had been sculpted in the image Chuck had created…only, he didn't think of me the same way as he had before. If I wasn't Chuck's Sarah…who was I? Was I Daniel Shaw's Sarah?

I let him rub my shoulders once we were alone in Castle. It was such a nice distraction from my aching heart.

It's called settling. Pretty much using someone else to fill a hole in your life, because it's your second choice. I'm not proud that I did that. It only proved that I was human, that I needed a cure for the loneliness that had relapsed.

From a future discussion, I would learn Chuck did the same thing with Hannah. Settling for her because he believed I was lost to him.

I can't help but mention the irony here. All of those conversations about other people actually pushed us closer to those other people. Assumptions and resolutions. Poor communication. Unfortunately, that was our cross to bear. It almost killed us at this point.

I told Shaw what we were doing was dangerous. Like Casey had said, I fell for guys I worked with. Here was one more. Or at least, maybe it was. He disagreed, and told me he was safe.

I don't think he intended on lying. But damn, what a bold-faced lie.