A/N: Sorry for the delay, but my computer died and it's taken me this long to get a new one and get it up and running. So part one of Other Guy. This ends at the iconic moment. Lots of wtf's in this too. I did my best. Somehow it's morning now after the car ride in the desert. She's wearing different clothes. Did she change in Shaw's car, in front of him? I tried to make sense of that. Was he going to shoot her in the warehouse? My theory is yes. It took several times watching before I realized what happens. Shaw is coming at her with the gun, probably ready to tell her she killed his wife and then shoot her. His eyes go left and right and we see what he sees...the lights reflected on the computer monitors. He knows someone is there and changes his tune. He darts a look over her shoulder at movement again right before he hugs her. A lot of spare time here where this miscommunication could have been cleared up, so I tried to explain why it wasn't. She is shell-shocked and he's embarrassed, and then Shaw is there and she can't say anything because she never officially "broke up" with Shaw. Was she only headed to Chuck's apartment to tell him to come on the mission? She would have had time to tell him...unless she was already on her way when Shaw called. I must have seen this episode 10 times before I realized the empty ice cream carton is on the floor in the hallway! She waits 24 seconds to answer him. But it was the turning point in her life, so that was a lot to ponder. The "my Chuck" I tried to explain with that hypocrisy complaint. She was leaving with him anyway, before she knew about Casey. She says you're still Chuck, but my Chuck...meaning not only is he the guy she fell for, but the guy who loved her and all her shortcomings, everything she thought made her unworthy of him. Enough pontificating for now. Enjoy, and the next chapter is finally earning its M Charah rating! Almost 2 years and 450K words later!

I was about to leave when Shaw was suddenly there.

I was in another world, giddy like I couldn't remember being before, or I think I would have noticed how crazed Shaw was when he showed himself. He nearly broke down the door of my hotel room. I think of it now and I see the madness beneath the surface, how he breathed just like a bull in an arena, ready to gore the object of his rage. I know now, he was coming after me.

I didn't know it yet, but the Ring had shown him the surveillance footage of my Red Test, so he knew that I was the one who killed his wife, Evelyn Shaw. He woke up in the hospital, possessed by a very specific demon, a singular desire to make me pay for what happened to his wife.

He was able to cover up those impressions, speaking in a very professional way about intelligence and needing to follow up on a lead. He insisted that I go with him right away. He had been almost completely in charge of our team for so long that I never questioned a strange order like that.

I was ready to leave with Chuck. I had never given Shaw a second thought, not once I knew the truth and what I was running towards. Had he not barged into my room, I would have left to meet Chuck at the train station and never seen Shaw again. No goodbye, no explanation. He was a spy after all. No matter what we were or had been to each other, our feelings were secondary to the job–they had to be.

I told Shaw I needed to call Chuck to let him know what was going on, without letting on that the reason I wanted to tell Chuck wasn't so he could meet us there and join the mission, but so he would know where I was, that I hadn't refused to meet him. Shaw insisted there wasn't time, that I could call from the car. He rushed me out of there so quickly I didn't even remember I didn't have my weapon with me. I thought of it after, but I figured if he had planned a mission, he had what he needed with him already.

We left in Shaw's car. We were far outside the Los Angeles city limits before I questioned him, wondering where he was taking us. I kept trying to call Chuck, but I couldn't get a signal. He must have found a way to jam my cell phone communications, but I had no reason to be suspicious of him doing something so contrary to how I thought of him. He never explained, giving me a cryptic answer. Again, I was used to him keeping us in the dark when it suited him, so I was more agreeable than I probably should have been.

We were still in the middle of nowhere when he stopped, what ended up being for the night. The excuse he used? He needed to check the intelligence with the NSA, to orchestrate his plan to the best of our ability. It was worrisome to me, that this was so important that he couldn't wait even an hour, that he had to leave with just me and not wait for Chuck…and it was just the two of us. Against the head of the Ring? But once again, I was used to the way he operated, and he was a special agent. I had no reason to question him, even if I was a little uneasy.

We stayed all night in the motel he stopped at, but we were prepping for the mission. At first, I felt awkward, because I had never officially told Shaw we weren't together anymore, even if we were only a spy couple. If he would have made any move like that, I would have put him off. In my head, I was with Chuck, even if I hadn't been able to let Chuck know that. I believe it was this constant fretting on my part, waiting for it, that distracted me from how he was acting. He was as cold and professional as he had ever been to me, even more than those times he would tell me to act like a spy and stop focusing on my emotions.

Now that I know what his plan was all along…I have no idea why he didn't just kill me in the motel when he had the chance. The only thing that makes sense is that he wanted me to see the footage that I ended up seeing…that he wanted me to know for sure what I had done to him, so that I would know why. The thoughts of a broken, twisted mind…but still, the only thing that makes sense.

I changed my clothes and then we left first thing in the morning to the coordinates Shaw said matched the signal that the NSA had detected for the Director. We approached cautiously, skirting the security cameras, and I fried the lock on the door. I went in first and I asked him to cover me.

Immediately upon entering the building, which looked like an abandoned warehouse, I felt uneasy. It was nothing like what I had expected. I was far into the bowels of the building, and though I had asked Shaw to cover me, he was nowhere detectable. I felt like I was lost in a metal maze. I heard sounds all around me, but couldn't place where they originated. When I called for Shaw a second time and got no answer, I activated my tracking device. Chuck and Beckman would be notified where we were, and I knew based on what he had said that no one would have known otherwise.

I continued to move through the building, following what sounded like hushed voices that were echoing. I emerged into a wide open space that was full of monitors and computers. All the monitors were playing the same thing. It was a video of a young woman, laughing and smiling into the camera. She even said the words "I love you." She looked oddly familiar, though I didn't know from where. I swear I heard Shaw's voice in the background of the footage I was seeing.

It was so strange I just stood there, watching it. As I continued watching, I realized why she looked familiar. She was the woman I had killed in Paris, the Red Test that Graham had assigned me. As if the camera knew what I was thinking, the footage changed. I was looking at black and white surveillance footage of that Red Test, on the street in Paris in 2005. How was that possible? How was there even footage? Why? And how did it end up here, with the Ring Director?

I felt my blood run cold, the contents of my stomach, now just bile and gastric acid, ready to rise into my mouth as I stood transfixed in horror.

I eventually turned to see Shaw approaching me, his gun poised and pointed straight at me. I called his name twice, asked him what was going on. He kept walking towards me and his face was set like stone.

What happened next is very important, something I completely missed the first time, and it almost cost me my life. Shaw shifted his eyes left, and then right, and then he pulled the gun up in a quick, jerky motion, like he was surprised by something.

He had every intention of killing me right then, while I watched the video that proved I killed his wife. My back was to the monitors, but Chuck was in the rafters with a fully equipped tactical team, thanks to a tip he got from Beckman, Casey's friends, and Chuck's inability to sit by while he thought I was in trouble. Shaw must have seen something reflected in the monitors behind me that made him stop. He changed his plan right then, his diabolical plan changing shape as he morphed back into someone I thought I still knew.

At the moment, however, I was so upset, so rattled, that I asked him why it was happening. That was when he told me who she was.

My eyes went wide and my mouth hung open in shock when he told me I was the one who killed his wife. I backed away from him and he moved towards me, telling me it wasn't my fault. I started to crumble, years of questioning Graham and the system and every mission I had done that may or may not have been for the greater good, bouncing through my head.

I had never heard of the Ring in 2005. I had never even heard of Fulcrum until Bryce had said the name after he had returned from the dead. But Shaw had been working against them that far back; I had just never been told because I didn't need to know. I assumed right then that Graham's orders were suspect. How could Shaw's wife have really been a double agent, or turned by the Ring?

Truth is, I have no way of knowing. Graham had been dead for two years. No one knew why he sent me to kill another CIA agent for my Red Test. Did Graham have proof? How could Graham have known but not Shaw himself, about his own wife?

I was shaking, disintegrating, my thoughts spinning and spinning. I missed the quick glance he made behind me, fully aware of the might Chuck had brought with him. He was acting there, to keep from being taken out. In my distress, I thought he was being sincere.

He hugged me, offering what I thought was comfort. Chuck saw from his high vantage point, and believing that I had intentionally chosen to not meet him the night before, thought I had chosen Shaw over him.

I saw Chuck, and then the entire tactical team swarmed us. He was so embarrassed he didn't even talk to either one of us the entire time the team was cleaning up. I wanted to talk to him, but Shaw was hovering and Chuck was avoiding me.

Beckman read Chuck the riot act over the stunt. She straight out said she was pulling him from the Rome assignment because of his poor judgment.

She never apologized for that later, either. She was dead wrong, as wrong as I was. Chuck did save my life in that warehouse. Only it took a few more days before we realized the truth.

I thought Shaw was offended, especially when Chuck tried to apologize, but he laid it on thick, praising Chuck to Beckman, saying he acted like a true spy. The air in Castle was so tense it felt like I was walking underwater. Because Shaw was there, and I still thought I needed to explain what was going on between Chuck and me, that I owed an explanation rather than a casual shrug-off, especially considering what we had just learned, I was more restrained with Chuck than I wanted to be.

I had no opportunity to tell him I had every intention of meeting him at the train station, but Shaw had called me away and then I couldn't get in touch with him. I knew there was a real chance Chuck interpreted that as me rejecting him. I didn't know how or when to bring it up, but in Castle, in front of Shaw, was not the time.

I thanked him for saving me. Ironic, because I thought I was kidding, but it was actually the truth.

Shaw asked about who ordered my Red Test. Beckman didn't know. She wanted to disband the team, but Shaw argued in favor of keeping us together. It was part of his plan, of course. He got lots of praise for his professionalism. Chuck was the one who saw straight through him…only no one believed him. No one could see yet that their roles had completely reversed–now Shaw was the one who couldn't control his emotions.

After Chuck left, Beckman told Shaw and me that she still wanted to send us to Washington to head up the task force. Chuck was on ice until she could figure something out. I had no intention of following through with that, but this mission was now at a critical juncture, so running away with Chuck like he'd wanted would have to wait until this was over.

I didn't know when I left Castle that Beckman was contacted by Chuck and that she told him that. I still didn't have a chance to talk to him, really talk to him. He took it hard, thinking that was the final straw, that he had made his best effort for us to be together and I still chose Shaw.

He proceeded to drink three quarters of a bottle of whiskey, straight, with an entire half pint of sugar free mint chocolate chip ice cream in his misery over what he thought was losing me.

I was on my way to Chuck's apartment to talk to him in person when Shaw called and said they had another lead, this time a sure bet, on where the Ring's headquarters actually were. He told me to report, and to bring Chuck with me.

I didn't even knock, I just opened the door, excited to finally be alone with him, even to just tell him quickly all the things that I hadn't had the chance to yet.

When I opened the door, I saw Morgan on the floor, tied up in wires and cords from Chuck's gaming systems. Chuck was sitting on the floor in his boxer shorts and a t-shirt with his video game guitar, his bottle of whiskey and empty pint of ice cream on the floor beside him.

I asked what was going on. Morgan said Chuck was in a bit of a low spot. He told me that Chuck found out I was leaving with Shaw, and then told me about the whiskey and ice cream. I cut Morgan out of his bindings. I asked Morgan if he could leave us alone for a moment. (He eavesdropped on our entire conversation, but I forgave him.)

I moved to sit on the floor next to him, my heart aching a little as I could so plainly see his abject misery, almost seeping from his skin. All this, because I hadn't had a chance to talk to him.

I had never seen him intoxicated before, not like that. He apologized and I told him it was ok.

"No, it isn't." He looked so sad, his frown creasing his chin. He took a deep, ragged breath. "I thought I could save you. I thought Shaw was bad and I was gonna save you, and we were gonna be together." Every word made my heart ache more. I hated seeing him sad like that, and I had never seen him look quite so sad. "But that didn't happen."

"Shaw's a good spy." Probably not the best thing to say, considering what Chuck had just said. I meant it in the best possible way. Shaw was a spy. Different from Chuck in all the ways that mattered. Words so often failed me, so here at probably the turning point in my life, it was no different.

"I get it, ok? I think everybody gets it." He was exasperated, misinterpreting. He didn't get it, not at all. "Shaw is amazing. And you two are gonna go run off together and save the world." I had to look away. "And that's great news for the world." The frustration turned back to sadness.

"But earlier on in my…drunken haze…I realized that I hadn't asked you a question. Really important question that I'd like to ask you now, if that's ok. Just once, for the record…"

I was holding my breath, my heart pounding inside my head like a drum.

He mustered all his courage and added, "Sarah, do you love me?"

Those words went straight through me, blasting me apart and putting me back together in the split second where I wasn't blinking, wasn't breathing. Time slowed down in a way I had never experienced before.

Once I remembered this moment again, I remembered it all in that strange sensation of time dilation. There was one long stream of consciousness in my head. I knew what the truth was, of course I loved him, I had always loved him. But he didn't know. Of course he didn't know! I had done nothing but confuse him, playing this back and forth game and never ever once just telling him how I really felt about him.

How could I have loved him so much…and he questioned it still? That was my fault, my part in this craziness that was us.

Seconds ticked by. In the end, it took me almost half a minute to respond to him, which caused its own issue. I knew once I told him, that nothing would ever be the same. But I didn't want it to be the same. I wanted what I had always wanted–him, to be with him, to have a life with him, however that looked, however we would get there together.

While all this was screaming inside my head, he continued rambling, because he took my deliberating silence as a denial at first.

"Wow, I'm in my underwear. I'm sitting in my underwear, holding a plastic guitar. There's a very good chance that I'm making a complete fool of myself, isn't there?"

"Yes." I waited too long, and he took that as an answer to his rambling, and not what he had asked.

"I should probably put some pants on."

What was once iron now felt light as a feather. I smiled, free for the first time in my life to say exactly what I wanted to say, to feel exactly what I wanted to feel. "No, Chuck. Yes."

His face went slack in disbelief. "Wh..uh, what?"

"Chuck, I fell for you a long, long time ago–" I looked down, but I forced myself to lift my eyes, to look at him when I told him what was in my heart. "After you fixed my phone and before you started defusing bombs with computer viruses. So yes. Yes."

He let out this shaky breath and I slid across the floor towards him. I reached for his face and kissed him. He tasted like mint, and a little like whiskey. I can't to this day eat mint chocolate chip ice cream without remembering this moment. It was the sweetest kiss I have ever known, kissing my love for real for the first time.

He was in shock, I know, because I kept kissing him, over and over. Eventually he grabbed my face and really kissed me back. But after a few seconds, he pulled back.

"Wait, wait. What about my Red Test?"

"Casey told me. He told me that he killed the mole and that you couldn't do it. And that was the best news that I'd ever heard because it means that you haven't changed. You're still Chuck." He looked a little confused, a little astounded. I couldn't say what I really meant, no words adequate to fully express all that meaning, since I would have run with him even if he had. "You're still my Chuck."

He was still, and he always would be, the one who loved me, the one who saved me. He was the one who found the girl inside the killer and breathed life into her. My Chuck.

This new found love and understanding between us was about to be put to the ultimate test. I know you know how that ends, but that is precisely why I say it. Chuck was about to show me just how much he really loved me.

And the world, again, would never be the same.