8drWhovian: That means a lot, thank you for reading it! I'm glad you like her! ^_^ Thank you!
In the singular moment where Elena found herself bringing two buckets of frozen solid ice into the gymnasium, she couldn't help but wonder how her life had ended up where it had. She'd once had household staff, people to help with her every want and need. Elena had just simply never done manual labour. She hadn't needed to. The very tired and aching teenager couldn't help but slightly long for those days in that moment in time.
She dumped the two buckets on to the floor of the empty gym, the loud clatter of the dropped handles echoing slightly. She picked up the hammer she'd bought earlier that morning from a local hardware store, and then proceeded to bring it down on the ice. TWACK! The rock solid ice in bucket one began to crack, Elena's blows and the time away from the cafeteria freezer helping to turn the contents to more regular sized ice cubes. TWACK! Elena paused momentarily, her back protesting from her work. She had a job ahead of her though, if her screeching back was anything to attest to.
TWACK!
"Miss Lodge?"
"AHHHH!"
Elena jumped out of her skin at the sound of her teacher Ms Grundy's voice suddenly so close to her, scrambling to hide the hammer behind her back.
"Ms Grundy!" She smiled in greeting, waving with her free hand. "What ah... What are you doing here?" The only people meant to be in the school's gymnasium at that moment were her and the cheerleaders, who were currently being made to run laps outside by their Captain Cherzilla Blossom. You're an idiot, you're an idiot, you're a fucking idiot.
Ms Grundy always seemed to look like she was about to blow away with one good strong gust of wind. She was heading into her mid-sixties by Elena's estimate, white-haired, fragile and relying quite a bit on a walking stick to help her get by though she was without it at that moment in time. Elena liked her lessons well enough and always felt a little sorry for her when she struggled to get around in class, but she couldn't quite shake off the sensation that the senior citizen didn't like her. It wasn't anything she said, it was more along the lines of her really unnerving attitude. Like Elena had done something wrong to her, but for the life of her she couldn't figure out what. Sure she drifted a little in class sometimes, but was that really enough to earn her a beady-eyed stare everytime they crossed paths?
The teacher shot her a questioning look. "Miss Lodge is that a hammer?"
"No." Though she was aiming for confident and firm denial, her tone came out as more of a question.
Ms Grundy gave her the beady-eyed stare, silently asking if she wanted to try that again.
"Okay yeah." Elena admitted, bringing the hammer out from behind her. "But I have a really good reason for having it!" She gestured to the two buckets of ice she'd brought with her. "See the thing is the water cooler broke. All I know is that the last time I saw it Archie Andrews was smacking it harder than I do my laptop when it crashes. For his own safety I'm keeping it on the down low from Cheryl." Elena attempted a laugh, but stopped at once as Ms Grundy continued to stare unimpressed at her.
"And this lead you to bringing a hammer on to school property why?"
Elena gulped, scratching at her forehead nervously. "Well I figured I could do this manually! I could freeze the water in the kitchen freezer so it would be extra cold. Because otherwise I'm gonna have to hear about this for the rest of the week from a certain head cheerleader. I thought I'd be on my own so I brought the hammer, figured I'd smash this ice up, let it melt, -and as I'm saying this I realise how insane I sound- so if you wanna go ahead and give me my detention now I'll take it."
Ms Grundy shook her head, seemingly baffled by her explanation. "How about a warning and a firm promise not to bring such a thing with you to school again?"
Elena gaped in surprise. Grundy was giving her a break? Baffled by the response, Elena scrambled to reply. "Yes! Yes of course." She sat the hammer delicately down on the gym floor, offering the teacher a grateful thumbs up that she immediately regretted. I did not do that, I did not just do that. She thought in dismay, turning red in embarrassment. That was another cringy memory for the books she'd been analysing stressfully for years to come. "Thank you!"
"On one condition."
Elena felt her stomach sink at once, consternation blooming within every corner of her mind and growing each and every second that passed. I really should have seen that coming.
"You know for the past two years I've been supervising the debate team?" Elena nodded dumbly, uncertain as to where this was headed. She didn't like that feeling. She hated it with every fiber of her being. She thrived when she had control, when she knew how to predict something or someone's every move and action. What the hell did the debate team have to do with her?
"Well Dilton Doiley was talking to me earlier today, and he told me how much of a help you were in helping him practice over the summer." The teacher explained, eyeing her expectantly in a way Elena didn't like at all.
Oh no.
Dread sank its claws into Elena's insides, anxiety threatening to pull the rest of her down and sink her to her knees. She knew what Ms Grundy would say even before she said it, and the very idea sent her headspace into panic mode. "-and with the spots that have opened up from our graduates leaving last year, I wondered perhaps if you would be interested in joining?"
Elena knew what the teacher and the rest of the Riverdale High faculty probably thought of her. That she was being lazy by hiding under the protection of Cheryl and her family by association, and was wiling away the time others spent on hardcore extracurriculars, after school clubs and extra classes to boot. That she had simply got herself the easiest job she could to avoid any kind of hardship. She'd heard it all before from her Dad.
She had genuinely loved helping out Dilton in the summer. He'd asked her for her help one day early in the summer whilst serving him at Pop's, as his usual go to partner was away at camp. Dilton had always been a great help to her when she was partnered with him in class, so she'd readily agreed to help him practice for the club. Only now that seemingly harmless favour had came back to bite her in the ass.
"I-I don't think I'd be the right fit." She shrugged, trying desperately trying to formulate words as her mind scrambled to think up a reasonable excuse. The Debate Team meant public speaking, in front of multiple people, a lot of whom she wouldn't even know. Just imagining it made her want to hurl. Sure she enjoyed a verbal takedown or two when she was around Cheryl or Nell or someone like Dilton who wouldn't care if she messed something up, but to put it bluntly- she was not that brave. If she got up there she would stutter or forget something, or worse draw a blank in a competition. People would get mad, people would judge her, and the team would resent her for even joining in the first place. "I'm not that good with the whole-" She waved her hand. "Public speaking thing. Like at all. I still get night terrors about my fourth grade play." She tried for a self-deprecating laugh, but it sounded pretty hollow to her.
"Elena-"
"Mrs Burble will tell you all the gory details but erm-" Elena's toddler brain was crashing its cymbals together, readying for impact as she foresaw the disappointed look she was about to get that always made her want to die. "I'm on some medication for anxiety and I just don't think it's for me. I'd be the guy that immediately trips after a race starts, so ah. I'm sorry but I can't." She forced the whole thing out reluctantly, wringing her hands frantically all the while feeling as though she had torn off some painful, all too vulnerable part of herself and had offered it up for the teacher to see in all its ugly glory. Ms Grundy stared at her, half resigned to disappointment, half pitying what she had just admitted.
Elena swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat, forcing herself to look down. This was why she didn't like to talk about it. People either told her to get a grip or came away feeling sorry for her. Both were horrible but Elena especially hated the latter. She could tell any asshole to go fuck themselves but when people pitied her all they saw was the sensitive, weak-willed crybaby who in their eyes gave up at the first sign of trouble. Just like my Dad. Elena thought, feeling herself begin to shake as she thought of that last horrible argument with him, when he'd found out she was flunking most of her classes. He'd been so angry. She'd never seen him that way before, as he'd always been so calm, so methodical in his dressing-downs of her. And God it had nearly killed her. To make him so displeased, so severely ashamed of her that he'd wanted her out of his life. She'd tried with all her might to make him proud and it still hadn't been enough.
Ms Grundy spared a glance at the open gym doors that the cheerleaders had left through, and then uttered a statement that made Elena squirm. "You seem incredibly dead-set on what you can't do dear. How do you know unless you give it a shot? You can't be happy just serving drinks to the cheerleaders." It definitely wasn't the most intellectually stimulating of extra-curriculars, nor the most interesting. She'd taken on a few at Spence, but it hadn't been long before the pressure began to mount, both from the academic side and the parental one. She'd internalised all that anxiety, all that sadness and all that pressure, allowing it to boil over in the worst possible way. Elena just couldn't risk that happening again, no matter how boring filling cups of water could be at times. She just couldn't. Her mental health to her was just as precious as fucking people over was to her father.
"I'm sorry Ms Grundy."
"Very well," she sighed, bowing her head as she turned to go, "but if you change your mind-"
Elena offered what she hoped was a dignified nod, her muscles relaxing as her thoughts drifted elsewhere. "I know where you are."
As the teacher left the gym, the cheerleaders began to pour back into the gym. Many of them were looking a little worse for wear; red, sweaty and glaring daggers at her comically glowing girlfriend. Cheryl returned Elena's wave cheerfully, a dazzling grin plastered on her face that made Elena forget all of her anxieties at once. Tension loosened from her body, replaced with a feeling of contentment Elena happily sank into like a warm blanket that had been thrown over her.
She checked over her buckets, the time and the warm temperature of the gym seemingly having melted most of their contents down to liquid. She grabbed one of the plastic red cups she'd set up at the water table, filling it to the brink with water before bringing it out to inspect. "I'll take it." Elena nodded to herself, finding it cold and drinkable at least going by appearances. As she began to fill the contents of the rest of the cups, Cheryl sauntered on over to join her all while looking rather pleased with herself. "I think I've thoroughly broken in the new recruits."
Elena rolled her eyes, noting how she was practically radiating smugness. "They're not horses."
"You might think otherwise if you had heard Betty's pants on the way back in here."
Elena stopped mid-pour, the casual insult throwing her off guard. Her body seemed to freeze, her heart coming to a sharp and sudden halt. Her girlfriend's flippant and not to mention cruel manner had completely thrown her off guard in a matter of seconds. There it was again. The way she kept acting reminded her eerily of days long since past when she'd been the quiet kid like Betty. When girls had pulled her every feature both inner and outer apart with their carefully chosen words, sending her home crying so many times that her parents had been forced to call the school.
"Cheryl!" Elena stared, her jaw hanging open. "You said you'd be nice!"
"And I am!" The redhead insisted, holding up her hands in defense before grabbing a cup for herself. "I was just joshing with you Ellie." She explained, sipping casually at her drink all the while Elena stared, half in disbelief, half a little sickened by what she'd just been reminded of. "No need to defend her honour."
Elena narrowed her eyes, her fist clenched as frustration began to rise to the forefront of her emotions. "Cheryl-" She seethed. But she didn't get very far. With her attention called elsewhere by Ginger and Tina, the redhead had wandered off as quick as she'd arrived. It was for the best, of that Elena was certain, given that she'd just been about to go all Christian Bale on her. Thankfully, she was pulled away from her simmering anger by the sound of a text coming through on her phone. She pulled out her phone to inspect the contents, but found it wasn't a simple reminder about something from Nell.
Bubbles: Your Mom stopped by to talk. Suggested a meeting. Wanna rip off that band-aid?
Elena's breath caught in her throat. A million different reasons to say no flung themselves to the forefront of her mind, loud and rabid as they listed off all that could and most definitely would go wrong. She would say the wrong thing and make things a thousand times worse. Or she would let her anger get the best of her and they would argue, with her Mom eventually deciding that she wasn't worth the trouble of re-connecting with. Or her Mom would be in full Lodge mode when she got there, only there to see her as a formality. But why go out of her way to meet with Nell? That had to suggest some form of care, right? She reasoned, hope blooming in her chest despite the fear that was making her hesitate to text Nell back. Maybe -just maybe- her mom had missed her the way Elena had her.
Before she could let herself argue her way out of it, Elena began to text her roommate back.
Me: On my way. She went into her saved pictures and found a Hide the Pain Harold meme, the man in question holding his thumbs up as he smiled painfully into the camera. Satisfied that it was an appropriate choice to convey her mood, Elena messaged it to Nell.
"I think your bestie is trying to kill us all!" Veronica thundered over to her, turning to her conspiratorially. "Any particular reason she's so bitchy today?"
Elena merely shrugged as she peered over Veronica's shoulder, unsurprised to see the girl in question offering a harsh rebuke to a new cheerleader who looked like she was about to cry. "I think it's the dance tomorrow, it's her first social event since the 4th July weekend. Where some bottle up Cheryl takes out on others." She shook her head in dismay, as Veronica took a hold of a drink to sip at.
"Gah!" She cried in alarm, almost spitting the freezing cold contents back into the cup. "Good God Elena! Where did you get this water, Antarctica?"
"It worked?" Elena exclaimed in delight, temporarily forgetting the year and half long wound she was about to re-open. "Oh my god let me try!" She snatched Veronica's drink from her hand and drank a mouthful, the icy sensation of the water leaving her sensitive teeth protesting as she swallowed it. "Wow that's cold!" She grinned, setting the cup down. "I've outdone myself!"
"Indeed." Veronica laughed, as Elena began to gather her things. "You're leaving?"
"Yeah." Elena laughed nervously, tugging at the strap of her shoulder bag. "I'm meant to be meeting Nell after school at her place. She just texted me to tell me that Mom's there, so I'm gonna go see her before I give myself a panic attack." She played it off jokingly, but she knew there was a real possibility of it happening if she let herself think too much about it.
"Wow..." Veronica remarked, mostly to herself as she smiled proudly. "She actually went for it."
Veronica met Elena's nervous gaze, offering her a sympathetic look. "It won't be that bad."
"If you say so." Elena dug her nails into the bag strap, her body moving into overdrive as she bounced on the spot. "Okay- Okay-" Tears began to form in her eyes. What if she got this all wrong? What would she even say? Please don't hate me. She thought pleadingly. I know I made your life hell back then having to deal with me, but I've changed. I missed you. I missed you so much and if you want to give me a chance I won't mess things up again. The chance to have her Mom back was now all too real and waving at her from a distance. The prospect was wonderful and amazing but also so terrifying that Elena felt as though an elephant had parked itself down on her chest.
"Oh El." Veronica rushed over and pulled her into a hug, offering Elena a temporary reprieve as she rubbed circles into her back. For a moment Elena buried her head in Veronica's shoulder, longing do do the same with her problem. Just Veronica. Elena gently reminded herself, allowing her body as well as her mind to work in tandem and simply enjoy the hug. "It's gonna be okay. Mom's just as terrified as you."
"I'm gonna flop."
"You're not gonna flop!"
"I'm gonna flop harder than our modelling careers."
"Now that my dear sister-" They pulled apart, but Veronica still held both her hands on Elena's shoulders as she looked her firmly in the eye. "-just isn't humanly possible."
Elena snorted in response, wiping furiously at her eyes so the the other girls didn't see the state she was in. "Alright you got me there. I'm gonna go before I self-destruct. Tell Blair Waldorf I've gone will you?" She requested, nodding towards Cheryl who was now ordering some of the still tired girls to begin forming a pyramid.
Veronica nodded, sighing heavily as she glanced at the formation of girls groaning painfully as they attempted to climb on top of each other. "Pray that she chooses not to relegate me to the bottom."
Elena clasped her hands together in mock prayer. "May the odds be ever in your favour."
"Call me after, tell me how it went?" Veronica bumped her shoulder against hers.
Elena nodded in confirmation, sparing one last look at Cheryl. She briefly considered going over and telling her about who she was going to go see, but found that she quite frankly didn't have the energy to explain it all while she was in such a foul mood. At that moment her mom was the only thing she cared about, not Cheryl's dumb grudge against the Coopers. The whole thing was just making her feel sick and uneasy. She needed to take a beat. Now.
"You've got it." Elena readily agreed, pausing to pick up her hammer. Veronica pulled a questioning look that Elena merely grinned at, tucking it carefully into her bag. "I've got a B&E planned for later." She informed her seriously.
"Good luck weirdo."
"Thank you." And with that she waved her sister goodbye, walking out of the school gym to what she hoped wouldn't be a complete trainwreck.
About twenty minutes after Elena had reached the back entrance to Top of the Muffin, she had walked to and from the door more times than she cared to admit.
She'd spent a good ten minutes locking up her bike; checking, double checking and triple checking that it was perfectly locked up. Then she'd pulled out her phone to check the time, where she'd spied a missed call from Cheryl, much to her surprise. She'd scrambled to text her to meet her at home, her brief annoyance with her warring with her all too real fear of making Cheryl permanently mad at her.
And then she'd waited.
And waited.
For so long in fact, that Nell came out to find her pacing the stretch of the parking lot like someone trying to get their walking steps in. Nell merely shook her head at her, unsurprised as well as unimpressed. "Unbelievable!" Nell exclaimed in disbelief. "And people say I'm a procrastinator."
Elena pulled an equally unimpressed face and flipped her off, clenching her fists as she came to a halt in the middle of the car park. "I'm mentally preparing." She explained. "It's a sixteen year long Lodge family tradition of mine."
"You're stalling." Nell corrected, folding her arms. Nell felt a pang of empathy deep in her heart for her friend. She was clearly wracked with nerves, bless her heart. "Look it's okay to be scared. Truly. I mean your mom's had about five cups of coffee since she got here." Nell laughed softly, walking on over to meet Elena.
She stretched her arms out in offering and barely a second later Elena practically tackled her into a hug. Nell gave her a gentle squeeze, affectionately ruffling her hair as the teenager practically clung to her. It was equal parts heart-warming and kind of scary to Nell, to have someone depend on her so much. Elena looked at her like an adult. A real, dependable, hey-can-I-talk-to-you-about-this-super-serious-issue type person in her life, which Nell still struggled to understand or feel anything like. She was a hot mess masquerading as a normal human being most of the time. But Elena would have her in her life for as long as she wanted her there, no matter what came her way. She didn't abandon the people who needed her, unlike some people. "I'll just be at the counter." She promised, firm and unwavering. "Come on you've got this."
"You know the last time I saw her?" Elena's voice was so shaky and uncertain, unnerving Nell to the point that it made her want to clutch Elena to her harder. But she knew she wouldn't like that, plus she couldn't shield her from everything. (As much as she wished she could.)
"When?"
Elena closed her eyes shamefully, glad that Nell couldn't see her face. "When her and Veronica were leaving to go see an art exhibition in Washington DC. I said I'd see them in two days." Those last few moments with them had been practically cemented into her brain, months of pensive thoughts and analysis making her wonder just what she could have done differently. What if she'd decided to tell her Mom or Veronica, right there and then? How would her life have ended up? "Nell I have no idea what to say to her." She admitted, sounding like she was six years old all over again to the older girl. "What if- What if-"
Nell pulled back a little, hands braced on both sides of Elena's shoulders. "You've got this." Nell emphasised once more, certainty so deeply set into her face that it made Elena's heart swell to about ten times its normal size. "You remember the fear rhyme?"
Elena let out a startled laugh, recalling the tune in question for the first time in a long while. As a little girl Elena had had a phobia of crossing the road, so Nell had came up with a rhyme for her to sing whenever she got nervous. "I may be scared, that much is true. But I've got stuff to do. So I'll take my fear and place it to the side, and thank god I didn't ask Nell for a car ride." She recited whilst Nell mouthed along to the words, laughing unrestrainedly and loudly as she did so. Nell had been a pretty bad driver when she'd first started learning, so her way of helping Elena conquer her fear was to have her think of how much better off she was simply walking somewhere.
Nell beamed happily at the sight, taking Elena's hand into hers. "Think of your Mom as the road."
"-and my Dad your driving skills."
"Exactly." She nodded, wagging her finger at her. "Tell her everything that you've told me. Good and bad. Lay it out there. I really think she's willing to listen if you give her a shot."
Elena squeezed Nell's hand and nodded, as though she was still a bag of nerves, she was less so knowing Nell believed in her so steadfastly. She'd never had that before and it made her feel like she could do just about anything. "Ready?" Nell checked.
"Ready." Elena confirmed, letting her roommate lead the way.
Elena followed behind Nell through the back door and into the bakery's kitchens just like she'd done a million times before, only this time around Elena felt the same way she did whenever she used to play baseball and the ball was just about to come her way when she was batting. Complete and utter nervous anticipation, knowing a split second choice could make or break the whole game. Nell kept a firm hand on her shoulder as she guided her past Theo, who shot her a sympathetic look as they passed him. She returned it with a smile, hoping the next time she saw him she wouldn't be a bawling mess.
The two roommates came to a halt as they reached the counter, hovering behind the two people taking the customer orders. Elena took off her shoulder bag, which Nell wordlessly grabbed from her. The blonde poked her head around the corner, pointing to a distant but familiar figure that had their back to them. "She's at the park table."
Elena's breath hitched in her throat at the sight of her Mom, there in flesh and blood sipping coffee like nothing had ever happened. It was like seeing a ghost from a time long since passed. A time that had seemed so long ago and far away in the days before the first day of school, that she could almost convince herself that it hadn't existed. But here was the proof right in front of her, her hair as annoyingly fabulous as ever and sipping coffee like... Well like her.
She was done running. She would face this, even if her brain and body were screaming at her to get as far away as she could from her. Elena steeled herself, planting her hands firmly at her sides. "Ripping off the band-aid." She muttered, nodding to herself. "I can do this."
Proud and nervous for her friend, Nell couldn't help but give her one last quick hug. "I'll be right here. I-" She found her own emotions acting like a wind-battered see-saw. She felt like a proud parent. And if actual parents felt even more for their kids than Nell did for her friend, then she was thankful she wasn't one. How is it I feel more for Elena than my mother ever did for me? Nell shook off the thought, throwing it to the back of her mind where all thoughts of that woman belonged. "I love you kiddo."
Elena stared in bewilderment at the odd journey Nell's expression had went on in the past few seconds, but she smiled widely nonetheless in reply. She was touched. They'd never really said it, but Elena had never doubted it for a second. "I love you too." She turned to go, giving Nell one last awkward thumbs up which she returned along with a goofy grin. Elena walked out from behind the counter and set off on the short walk to her mom's table.
Elena counted under her breath as she walked to regulate her breathing, as she was determined not to give herself a massive panic attack in front of her mother of all people. She would never be able to live that down. Within seconds she had reached the table, her heart fluttering like a butterfly's wings as she came up from behind Hermione.
"Hi Mom." She breathed, offering up a hand in greeting. Her Mom turned in her seat at the sound of Elena's voice, her eyes filling with emotion as she took in the sight of her.
Her mom looked different, but somehow entirely the same at once. She was dressed as impeccably as ever, wearing a dark green blouse and jeans that were probably the most casual things Elena had ever seen her wear. It made her all too uncomfortably aware of the thrift store jeans and the white high neck sweater with frayed sleeves she was wearing, topped off with her hand-me-down denim jacket and the converse sneakers she was pretty sure still had mud on them from her walk across the school field earlier in the day. The mere sight of her mom seemed to flare up old insecurities inside of Elena she'd long since tried to bury.
Despite the obvious budget cut to her wardrobe she still looked as elegant and put together as Elena remembered her being, doing her memory justice. Her Mom was a carefully cultivated picture that had never cracked in all the time she'd known her, one in which Elena had always admired with all her being. Elena had wanted to be like her for as long as she could recall, though her pride would never let her admit it aloud. To be whip-smart and cunning, to be powerful, to carry herself with such glamour, confidence and dignity that no one would dare say a word against you? It was everything she longed to be. But Elena just hadn't been able to measure up to her mother's character, as much as she'd tried to. But she was okay with that. She really was. Because none of that stuff mattered anymore. Elena just wanted her back, even if she didn't look like she belonged next to her.
"Elena!"
Hermione stared in amazement at her, like she was some kind of mirage that would disappear if she ran her hand through it. She teared up, to such a degree that it shocked Elena. Nell had said she'd acted as such around her, but it'd been a little hard to believe. Her Mom didn't get emotional, ever. Least of all around her.
She blinked back tears as she rose to greet her, seemingly unsure of how to proceed. Elena felt the same, like someone had thrown her into unknown territory without so much as a map to guide her.
"You came." Hermione stated, hesitating for a moment before taking a step towards her. "Honey I-"
So much seemed to be conveyed in the single apologetic look she shot her, that it made Elena's resolve not to get emotional over her mother evaporate on the spot. Was she reading too much into it? Or was this the normal, authentic, non-puppet master controlled Mom she'd been wanting to have in her life for so long? Elena felt her eyes begin to fill with tears as she realised just how much she'd missed her. How much the absence of this wonderful, dependable figure who she'd once been so close with had affected her.
Fuck it. Elena rushed forward and threw her arms around her mother, almost toppling the older woman from the sudden action.
Hermione froze momentarily, blinking rapidly in surprise as her brain rushed to register what had happened. But before Elena had a chance to panic, Hermione wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a warm embrace. Despite their physical closeness, she still couldn't quite fathom what was happening. Elena was here, right in front of her. Her baby, the one she'd spent so many days and nights worrying over, the daughter her husband had driven away was back with her.
"Hi sweetie." Hermione greeted, barely registering the lump that had formed in her throat.
"Hi." Elena laughed through her own tears, holding on to her mother with a similar level of disbelief. "So..." She sniffed, doing her best to keep her voice level. "How was the art exhibition?"
Elena didn't see her roll her eyes but she could sense it. Years of bad jokes made around her parents had culminated in her being able to sense their disapproval like a sixth sense. As they pulled apart, much to Elena's delight, she could see that her mom was fighting back a smile. Her hands came to rest on both sides of her face, her Mom smiling at her with fondness and a little smidgen of sadness. Like she too had felt the weight of the time that had gone by. "Not funny." She chastised, though her tone was light. She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, a small but intimate gesture Elena could remember her doing all the time with her and Veronica.
"Sorry!" Elena apologised in a rush, wiping her eyes roughly with the back of her hands. "I don't know why my brain defaults to stupid comments like that. It's completely inappropriate and-"
"No don't be. I-" Hermione took both of her hands into hers, firm and unwavering as she held on to her. "You- You look well mija." She complimented, her voice falling short as she fought back against her own emotions. "I- I'm really happy to see you."
"I'm happy to see you too." Elena smiled, broad and bright as she stared at her Mom. Her and Veronica had been ripped away so suddenly from her that it'd been a wound that had never quite healed. But now it was like some deep, inner part of her that had been missing something had been filled once more. She was happy to see her! Her brain rejoiced, skipping and twirling as Elena soaked in the relief and joy she felt at her Mom's words. She wasn't angry? She didn't want to wring her neck for blowing up the family?
Elena opened her mouth to speak, but much to her mortification she began to cry once more. "Oh god." She sobbed, burying her face in her hands. She felt her Mom wrap her arms around her once more and Elena welcomed the action, burying her head in Hermione's shoulder. Hermione came to rest her hand on Elena's head, hoping to comfort her at least a little. Elena took the chance to savour the action, drinking in her mother's comfort like a parched man who'd finally found water. A deep, visceral calm went through Elena, a weight she hadn't been aware of dropping from her shoulders. Despite her issues, Elena craved physical, non-trauma inducing comfort the way a sweet tooth craved sugary treats. Anytime she was able to get it now was better than a thousand birthdays and Christmases rolled into one.
She sucked in deep airfuls of breath, catching a whiff of her mom's Chanel perfume momentarily as she tried to get herself to stop crying. "I'm sorry." She apologized. "Jesus! I'm like Niagara Falls."
Hermione let out a startled laugh, her entire body shaking so much that it made Elena grin through her tears. "Mija you're not like Niagara Falls." She assured her, coming to rest her head on Elena's.
"Oh please," Elena scoffed, her voice quivering as she chuckled at herself. "I cry more than you and Veronica put together."
As they seperated Hermione offered her a reassuring smile. "Your father always said you inherited your grandfather's sensitivity." Elena's mood soured a little at the mention of her father, but it lessened somewhat as she realised her mom still had a hold of her hand. Like she was afraid if she let her go, she'd disappear right in front of her eyes. "Come," she urged, nodding towards the table she'd been occupying, "come sit."
Elena sat herself down in the parlour chair across from her Mom, catching a glimpse of Nell who -true to her word- was still by the counter. The line of people had been taken care of, so she had opted to wiping down the counter in order to look busy. Elena fought back a laugh, as she looked less busy and more like she'd been struck down by a severe case of germophobia.
Hermione quirked a brow at her reaction, turning around to see what had elicited such a reaction. Nell being the queen of subtlety that she was, suddenly became fascinated with the lights up above her. Elena snorted at the sight, shaking her head as Hermione turned back around, the corner of her mouth unmistakably quirking upwards. She seemed to like Nell, so they were off to a good start at least. "Yeah I have no idea why people say she's odd." Elena joked affectionately, smiling fondly as Nell waved, signalling with her hands to ask if she was okay.
Elena gave her a confident nod, love and fondness for the woman that had taken her in beating loudly within her chest. Satisfied that all was well for the time being, Nell seemed comfortable enough to tend to some work as she hovered in the background.
"She's quite the character that one." Hermione remarked, amusement clear in her tone. "She was pretty adamant that I know she's not a sexual predator."
Elena smacked her hand against her forehead. "Oh dear god!" She groaned in horror, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Alice Cooper makes one joke and it sends her over the edge-" She muttered, mortified but not entirely surprised at the conversation Nell had made with her Mom. "She- Ah-" Elena let out a jittery laugh, settling her hands into her lap all the while trying her best not to squirm from nerves. "She didn't bring up any other uncomfortable conversation topics did she?"
"Ahhhh..."
"That's a yes." Elena cringed, burying her face in her hands momentarily. "Okay, okay." She forced herself to emerge and come out swinging. "If I know Nell she would have made a point to talk about my ah... My-" Elena began to wring her hands without realising. God she couldn't even say it in front of her. It was like some deep-seated survival instinct would not let her be one-hundred percent vulnerable in front of adults.
"Anxiety." Hermione supplied, shooting her a sympathetic look as Elena met her eyes once more. "Mija." She sighed, tender and sad all at once. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Elena stared down at her interlocked hands, unable to deal with the look on her mom's face. She looked so sad, like she'd cracked her heart right in two. "I didn't know for sure that was what it was, until I was diagonsed and started seeing someone for it. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. I don't know I just-" She shrugged. "I thought it was normal to obsess over everything I said and did. To worry one wrong move or word would completely obliterate a relationship or opportunity. To be overwhelmed by people and noise. That's why I hated all those parties and school, I just felt safer at home. At least I couldn't screw things up there. But look how that turned out." She snorted, letting out a sad laugh. "I wanted to be the best non-screwup-y version of myself that I could. I tried so hard to push past it on my own without any help, to be strong and Lodge-like so..." She squeezed her eyes shut as she forced out the words, desperate not to think about the dark places she'd gone. "So you and Dad would be proud of me." And though the words were dragged painfully from her mind and out from her mouth, Elena found it cathartic in a way. To set things out on the table, in all their ugly glory.
"Elena. Elena look at me." Hermione urged forcefully, making Elena's head snap upwards.
She pulled Elena's hand into hers, giving it a soft squeeze. "You're not a screw-up." Elena pulled a face that spoke volumes about her disbelief. "I mean it. How-" Her voice faltered. "How can you think that?" She demanded, her voice full of more emotion than Elena had heard from her in years. "We've always been proud of you. No matter what mija." Hermione promised, desperate for her to believe her words.
"Tell that to your husband." Elena retorted, a brief, ununcharacteristic sneer full of contempt crossing over her face that made Hermione freeze. "He made it pretty clear I was worth less than dirt the last time we spoke."
Hermione went white, her expression turning steely. "Elena what exactly did your father say to you?"
Elena wrapped her arms around herself, her face filled with barely concealed sadness. Hermione could tell at once that she was trying not to look upset, doing her best to put on an appearance that whatever he'd said hadn't bothered her. "He-" She hesitated for a moment, her brow furrowing in surprise. "He didn't tell you?"
"No."
"Well..." She sucked in a deep breath and then exhaled, letting herself go back in time to that awful day. "That last day at the Dakota... I was having a bad day. A really, really bad one." Loud and jeering thoughts had been with her from the moment she'd woken up, some of the worst things her mind had ever conjoured up. Each and every one had proceeded to chew her up and spit her back out like so many countless days beforehand. She'd felt so alone and sad that she'd ended up crying in her room, wishing for the ground below her to swallow her whole. "I-I was struggling." She admitted reluctantly, sanitizing the whole experience for her mother's ears. "With a whole host of things."
"Like school?" Hermione asked knowingly, surprisingly non-judgy to Elena. She knows then. Elena nodded in confirmation.
"I got upset but I didn't realise Dad was home. He heard me and came into my room, demanding to know what was wrong. Forgive my colourful language, but I acted like a total bitch to him. Told him it was nothing and to go away. He called BS on the whole thing and... Well then things got hairy. I thought I'd take a swing and tell him about everything."
And by everything Elena meant everything. How she wasn't coping in school, her anxiety, the scary thoughts that had been swirling around in her head, the Elio thing and of course the day she didn't think about anymore. She'd reached her breaking point. She'd wanted to offload to someone, to anyone. So why not her Dad? Why not trust in the one man in the whole world who was supposed to have her back? He of all people would listen, she'd reasoned. Right?
"But?" Hermione probed, tilting her head as she shot her a questioning look.
"But." Elena repeated, pouring eighteen months worth of sorrow into one word. "I got as far as the fact that I was struggling in school before he exploded at me. He told me I was quitting at the first sign of trouble like I always do. That I needed to stick it out, try harder. Basically Elena's a big lazy quitter to summarise." She rolled her eyes, waving her hand as she spoke. "And then I did some exploding of my own."
Mount Elena, as Elio had once christened her, was something of a recurring character in her life. She'd always had a temper, but rarely had there ever been an occasion to seriously ignite it. But when a case of gaslighting, unfair treatment, Elio being an ass, or her Dad being her Dad cropped up, Elena could give Hiram Lodge a run for his money. And though that fight had been horrible and made her feel sick just thinking about it, she couldn't help but revel a little in the sliver of pride she had gained from it. She'd given as good as she'd gotten and hadn't taken his comments lying down.
"We had the screaming match from hell." Elena explained shamefully. "We tore into every little thing about the other that pissed us off. He told me I was being too sensitive, I told him he was a shitty father, he told me I'd never amount to anything if I dropped out of school, I told him I'd rather be poor and have no diploma then end up like him. Yada, yada, yada. It went on and on, until eventually he told me to get my stuff, leave and not bother coming back."
Things seemed to click into place for her Mom, the cogs turning in her brain. "But why-"
"I thought if he reacted like that then so would you. Let's face it-" Elena smiled sadly, picking at a loose piece of thread on the sleeve of her sweater. "We weren't exactly talking much, were we? I don't blame you, I wasn't much for pleasant conversation and we haven't been close in a long time." When they had talked they'd either argued over the family "business" or they'd kept to neutral, how-was-the-weather type conversations. And when her mom had tried to ask what was wrong, Elena had dodged her questions, so convinced that nothing good would come of telling her. Elena couldn't remember the last time they'd talked. Truthfully and openly, without a hint of ego or lies or fear of what the other would think. She'd missed that kind of relationship with her so much. By the time those last few years had rolled around, she'd given up all hope of getting it back again. That distance had taken its toll, manifesting in a toxic level of resentment, a large part in which she taken out on her father and a lesser part Hermione herself. It was his business dealings after all, that had pulled her and her mom apart at the seams.
Elena was sharply pulled from her thoughts by the sound of her mom moving her chair. She had gotten up and was moving it around the circular table, eventually setting it down next to her. She settled back down into her chair, now just a few inches away from Elena. A thoughtful look was on her face, a million different emotions warring with one another as she thought over what exactly she should say next to her. "I wouldn't have." She eventually informed her, big brown eyes soft and honest as she demanded Elena's attention. "Your father-" She pursed her lips, barely tempered anger briefly flashing over her neutral expression. "Your father and I have had many a conversation over these past eighteen months. Where in which I've informed him more than once, that in no uncertain terms that he is the one who screwed things up. Not you."
The pair shared a look of understanding, something that struck Elena quite a bit. A small, distrusting part of her melted away as she saw what Hermione was saying. Her Mom believed in her anxiety, that she wasn't just looking for excuses for a poor work ethic. Her Mom believed in her, wasn't angry with her and cared. She cares! Her mind rejoiced, the sheer and utter relief in knowing that crashing down on Elena like a wave, making her eyes stream and her throat to fill with a sizeable lump.
"Mom..." She began, words failing her. So she simply opted to nudge her affectionately, offering what she hoped was a grateful smile. Particularly one that conveyed how much her show of love meant to her. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Hermione offered out her hand for Elena to take, which she gladly accepted. Hermione placed her other hand over it, eyes baring into hers with an earnest look. "I missed you." She paused to take in a breath, reminding Elena she wasn't the only one unable to keep her emotions in check. "Very, very much."
"I missed you too." Elena gave her hand a tentative squeeze. "And- And I'm sorry. For not having enough nerve to call. For just assuming the worst and leaving town. I thought you'd want nothing to do with me anymore like him."
"Never." Hermione vowed, so firm and resolute that Elena believed her at once. The woman sat beside her was not the kind of person who lied to spare your feelings.
"I'm the one who's sorry. I should have called you and not let my fears get the better of me. I should have came here to get you back as soon as I found out where you were. I..." Hermione trailed off, no doubt thinking of a certain someone, as she opened her mouth to say something but then seemingly changed her mind. She'd gotten the hint, that was for sure. "I should have done a lot of things."
A small stretch of silence fell between them, until Elena plucked up the courage to make conversation. "So school's not kicking my butt anymore."
"No?" Hermione welcomed the change in topic, noting the rather gleeful look in Elena's eye that made her heart warm.
"I'm no Veronica but I'm like- Totally doing well!" She informed her, a victorious grin spliting across her face as she exclaimed her surprise at herself. "Me! Quite possibly making it to graduation, can you believe it? Nell pulled the miracle of all miracles getting me up to speed before I started up again last year let me tell you."
Hermione blinked in surprise. "She tutored you?"
Elena nodded in response, launching into a level of excited chatter even she herself was surprised by. "I wanted to go back, so she offered to help me out. Can't say I miss her pop quizzes though, I know more about the Napoleonic Wars now then I care to admit." She chortled, her face flushing. "She's... She's been great. I never would have gotten through that horrible time without her." She smiled self consciously, catching a glimpse of Nell wrapping up a slice of peach pie for a customer, hands flying wildly as she chatted animatedly to the woman. No doubt about food.
"And then there's Polly. Well, there was Polly. The first friend I made here. She was so nice and cool and a Swiftie to boot! But ah... She's living away from Riverdale now though." She let herself briefly reminisce about the memories she'd made with the blonde, a feeling of nostalgia and a deep longing to see her again overwhelming her. I miss you Coop. I hope you're okay wherever she-who-must-not-be-named shuttled you off to.
"I still have Jughead though." She pressed on, plastering on a brave smile. "He's basically my platonic soulmate. I've got a few other friends who go to another school, (Elena didn't mention the school in question being Southside High, as her Mom would undoubtedly judge her for being friends with Southside Serpents.) there's a maybe friend in Polly's sister Betty and of course there's Cheryl."
The fact that her daughter was practically glowing like a lightbulb didn't go unmissed by Hermione. "Cheryl?"
"Blossom." Elena supplied.
"Oh." Hermione blinked, looking like she'd smelt something rotten.
"Yeah." Elena snorted at her Mom's expression. "I take it from the look of joy on your face you've met her charming parents?"
"And I continue to remember them fondly." Hermione quipped, sharing a conspiratorial smirk with Elena.
"Cheryl's not so bad." She explained, thinking of the earlier days of their relationship. Things had been so much simpler then. Now... Now they were heading into territory Elena wasn't quite sure how to navigate. "She's been a good friend. Probably the best one I've ever had." Elena never would have thought someone could shine such a bright light into the darkest depths of her past and soul, accepting it all with a mere shrug. And liking the better parts of her too. Perhaps even loving them.
"So you're doing okay?" Hermione checked, the worry unmistakeable in her tone. Elena gave her a firm nod. "You're not angry? With me?"
"No." Elena denied. "No. I was never angry, not really. Just... Well you heard." She sighed, taking a breather. She was okay. She'd made it through. She hadn't made a fool of herself and her mom had really listened to her. The world hadn't ended and Elena's brain couldn't quite register the fact. Dr Summers would be proud. She thought, wondering just what her shrink would make of her bizarro week. "So... Want me to introduce you to the wild world of grocery shopping? I've got quite the knack for it I have to say."
Rather than roll her eyes and long for the days before she'd developed the ability to talk, Hermione instead wrapped her arm around Elena and brought her to cuddle into her side. It was something Elena hadn't done since she was a kid. "Never change mija."
"Aw Mom."
"So..." Hermione hesitated. "So are we...? Would you like to talk? Like this, again?"
Elena couldn't agree fast enough. "More than anything."
"Really?" Hermione felt herself welling up again, but found she couldn't quite bring herself to care.
"Yeah."
Elena couldn't help but notice how she seemed to hug her even tighter at that. She pressed a kiss to her forehead, a soft gesture that made Elena not want to release her from her hug. She was also quite sure she heard some shaky breathing before Hermione spoke once more. "I love you. Know that, okay? Know that and don't ever think otherwise."
"Okay." And she knew from then on that would be that. "I love you too."
And with that, the band-aid for "the mom thing" had been officially ripped off.