The next morning, at a joint breakfast of both parsonages' families, Ruthie and Hope, after returning from the hotel after a dusk to dawn session of non-stop lovemaking, announced their engagement to their families and the Parkers. Jack was sleeping in, having set his alarm for nine.
"Mom," said Jim, "we're okay with you marrying a woman, and congratulations to you and Hope." He sounded sublime rather than enthusiastic.
"Are you really okay with this, Jim?"
"Yeah. Heather and I are, just, a bit surprised that you're doing this after just five or six months of dating."
"Wait ... you guys have been having sex the whole time? For real?" asked Heather.
"Yes!" said Hope.
"I thought you were joking! I presume you both like it?"
"Sure we do. We love each other, and it's not just because of the sex. I've always thought I wanted to be only with a man, but after your Mom and I made love for the first time, we knew we had something. We've worked on it for six months and last night over dinner at a hotel, we talked for over three hours about who we were and where we wanted to go. Then your Mom, totally unexpectedly, popped the question and I said yes!"
"What about your night with Felicity, Mom?"
"Hope and I gave each other freebies for one night, just to test the waters. I slept with Felicity and your Dad, as you know. It was okay but I realized it could only be a one time fling. I couldn't even imagine being with your other mother alone, anymore. Hope, meanwhile, slept with a male staffer at the old ministry who defected with her. They had been having sex on each other's desks in Anaheim. But this time, after a long night in her bed, the guy woke up feeling guilty, and told his former lover he loved it but it was like sleeping with the boss's wife. Hope knew it was a compliment but also realized they could only ever be friends."
"So when are you getting married, Aunt Hope?" asked Rhiannon.
"We want to get this done as quickly as possible, before Lisa and Brigitte get married on Friday. So Ruthie and I will be flying out to Atlantic City on Tuesday and eloping, then coming back for supper the same night. I'm taking Patrick as my gentleman of honor, and Ruthie's matron of honor is a minister in AC. I know you guys want to be there and we're sorry, but time is of the essence. Since our lives are in danger, we need to get our affairs in order - now."
"Well ... congratulations Ruthie," said Felicity. "I'm really happy for you girls. But how does this affect you wanting to set up Patrick with a parishioner - a widowed one if I remember?"
"I'm not sure if it's the same one you all had in mind," said Patrick, "but I am dating a lovely widow here. Tamara Wilkinson, the music director, who is thirty-seven. And her three children - what, seventeen, twelve and five, I think they are - are wonderful children to talk with. So filled with the Spirit, they truly are the apple of their Mom's eye!"
"Tammy? Oh my God, that's who we did have in mind!" gasped Rhiannon. "How long have you seen each other?"
"Six months," replied Patrick. "Hope set us up the day after she and Ruthie first had sex. And she and I had a sort of bro code - I'd keep silent about her and Ruthie; and Hope would keep Tammy and me a secret. Hope and I were actually making love with our respective lovers in our neighboring bedrooms - often on the same day the same time! Other times I was with Tammy at her house. The children knew and they just made sure to stay quiet and not interrupt us."
"How long for you?" asked Maighread. "I mean ..." When everyone started laughing, so did Maggie when she realized her blunder, "how long since you and Tammy first made love?"
"Four months. And three days ago, I found out she's pregnant. Three months along. God spoke to our hearts just then and He said twins, a boy and a girl. Weird, huh, how everyone here is having twins? Then The Big Guy then talked to me, alone, and said it was time to consecrate our relationship. I knew I had been planning to pop the question, next week actually, but on that night I proposed to her under the stars in the big park downtown. Tammy said yes - and in front of her, our, children ...we eloped last night in East Saint Louis! And by the end of next month, I'm adopting Kaitlin, Chester and Emily! I'll be a real Dad - three instant children, and two more on the way!"
With two marriages in short order, the extended family had now gotten larger, by seven more - one with Hope, and six by Patrick. And there was a wedding on Friday. It was either a three dog night or a triple dog dare. Either way Rod and Shelby were sobbing tears of joy.
"I've never seen as much love in a family as with all of you," Shelby finally said. "This is absolutely wonderful - Ruthie and Felicity and Peter share six children, Ruthie is marrying Hope, and Patrick has a family now too. Seventeen under one roof! Ruthie, this kind of puts your old family to shame!"
"Well, I know what you mean, Shel, but not really," said Ruthie. "But we are going to have to expand our parsonage big time. Luckily both our homes and the guest houses are pre-fabs. Maybe we can move the guests to the west and east sides of our home. Then there'll be room for all of us! Well, not the kitchen or dining room, they'll have to get way bigger, but I think the deacons will agree to pay for the renos."
"We'll go to bat for all of you," said Rod. "The congregation will love knowing one of the families leading them is blended from four! And Patrick ... my God, congratulations! We never would have guessed you and Tamara were already dating, or boinking! And what wonderful playmates our children, and the other guys' theirs, will have. I know they're going to lead so many other children to Christ. It won't matter if those children are born-again or not, what will matter is that we've have another flank in the war. Speaking of which ..."
Rod sighed, and so did Shelby.
"Rod and I got called to the local recruiting office for first thing tomorrow morning, nine AM," said Shelby. "We'll be signing our DD-214s and we'll officially be out of the United States Marine Corps on medical discharge. We're keeping our Top Secret security clearances for now, as are all of you - even the kids - and I suppose Tammy and her kids will have to be read in -"
"I know it breaks protocol, Shelby," said Patrick. "But I told all of them everything already, in the vault, cramming four sessions of four hours each over five weeks."
"Does Tammy understand that their lives are now in danger too?"
"Yes, and they're prepared for the worst. Tammy has several AR-15s in her gun locker, and the children have Tasers. But you all know she is way more Spirit-filled than any of us in this room, and Kaitlin, Chester and Emily all the more so - they were born again, in the same night, three years ago, one month after their poor father Don was murdered at work. Since then, all the work they've done at our church has been driven by trying to be their father's legacy in every way possible. I can never take Don's place, but I hope that I'm their stepfather they can keep my faith on the correct path."
"Well, that said ..." said Rod, "once Harry and Prudence go to jail forever because of their evil ways and the feds liquidate the entire ministry under RICO, all of our clearances will be revoked. We can never file a need to know request again from any intelligence or military agency unless we can prove that we really do have a need to know. More importantly, all the information we've learned and shared will have to stay with us, forever. We can never talk to each other about it again, we cannot record it for posterity in any form. And kids -" He pointed to James, Heather, Maighread and Rhiannon. " - you can never tell your brothers and sisters the real story of what happened. Ever. You cannot tell them until the day you die; and that also means leaving no CDs, tape recordings or anything related to this for after you die."
"Agreed," said everyone.
"So one last thing ... do we tell Jack?" asked Felicity. "It'll be all public by Friday night!"
"He'll find out about Aunt Tammy and Uncle Patrick when they announce their marriage this morning during services," said Rhiannon. "He doesn't have to know about Aunts Ruthie and Hope. It'll become public on Friday night anyway, after Lisa and Brigitte become wives."
Jack finally emerged. As promised, the posse served him a kosher breakfast that otherwise was identical to the meal the others had. He was very grateful. They all headed into the church.
To say that Tammy was a music director was an understatement. She not only made the week's music selections, she also orchestrated them for a forty-two piece band and a sixty member choir, including fourteen minors, singing in eight-point harmony. After leading the huge sanctuary with a rousing version of "Great is Thy Faithfulness" - a tip to Felicity and Peter celebrating their first anniversary that week - Patrick led the call to prayer. He then said he had an announcement, and he invited Tammy onto the main stage along with Kaitlin, Chester and Emily. It was Tammy who spoke.
"After my beautiful husband Donald was murdered -" Tammy started sobbing, as did her children. " - I never thought I could live again, let alone love. It was only my faith in Jesus and my love of music that kept me from going totally insane. Six months ago, Christ led me to a wonderful man in the place I least expected - here. It's been during that time that I realized, that while I will love Don until the day I meet my Master, my heart wasn't meant to love only one man, or to have children with only one man. My most distant hope have been realized. I found him in Patrick, we are now married, and we're pregnant with twins!"
The congregation roared. The ovation lasted ten minutes. So many people sent in messages of congratulations that the website shut down for a few minutes.
Finally, the family, holding on to each other for all that time, let go. Patrick then spoke up.
"You all know that my and Hope's parents, Harry and Prudence, are facing multiple charges for tax evasion and child molestation. But we have learned in just the last twenty-four hours that they are now accused of two hundred counts of rape, not just the fourteen that includes me." The congregation gasped in horror. "But we also know now that their path of perdition started as far back as 1967. Under normal circumstances, my colleagues and I would never invite a person of this particular belief system to address you. But he too has completely run out of patience with Mom and Dad, and today he is joining us so we can make a joint declaration of war. Ladies and gentlemen - Pastor Cyril Jackson Whirry of the Rising Church of God."
There was stone cold silence as a man everyone in the room considered a heretic made his way to the pulpit. But they decided to show Jack respect because they knew he had something important to say.