Clearing the Air

Dinner turned out to be a well needed, light, and fun diversion from all of the heaviness that death had freely dumped on Olivia. She and Amber had picked up right where their fifteen year old selves had left off. The conversation between the three of them had flowed easily and provided some much needed laughter. Of course, the wine could take some of the credit. The melancholy tried to poke through at random moments, but Olivia worked hard to keep it at bay and unnoticeable.

Amber, Olivia, and Jenson cleared the table and loaded the dirty sauce covered dishes into the dishwasher. The crumble cake they brought for dessert tasted like heaven with a cup of coffee. "This is almost the perfect way to end the day." Olivia told them.

"Almost?" Amber asked. "You just had a great dinner. You didn't have to do the dishes alone afterwards. And now you are relaxing in the living room eating cake with a cup of coffee, surrounded by good friends. What more do you need?"

Olivia chuckled. "I'm sorry if I'm coming across as ungrateful. I am very thankful to have both of you here. It's only my first full day of being back where I grew up, but it's been a rough one. Having the two of you over for dinner was definitely the highlight of it. What I meant was, I wish I had a porch swing to sit on outside. I never really realized how impersonal this house looks from the outside. I mean, who has a metal gate just past the front door? It's a bit ridiculous."

"It was kind of intimidating when we were kids." Jenson admitted. "My brothers and I used to call your house Fort Knox. We made up all kinds of stories about your house and your parents. How your dad worked as a spy for the FBI and survived all kinds of crazy dangerous stuff every day when he left the house. We would imagine that we saw blood on the hem of his pants when he came home in the afternoon or something crazy like that, and we'd make up stories with each other about who he killed that day."

"What?" Olivia chuckled. She had no idea the Grants were remotely interested in her family's lives.

"Yea, and your mother was the good wife who knew nothing about what your father really did. She took care of the family and the home while your dad kept the two of you safe. That was the reason for the gate by the door. To keep his mortal enemies away." Jenson shook his head back and forth and rolled his eyes. "We were crazy."

"Are crazy." Amber supplied.

"You love us." Jenson teased, putting his arm around the back of his wife's neck.

"I love one of you a lot more than the others." She teased back.

"Hollis always did get all the girls when we were kids." Jenson shot back.

"Shut up." Amber replied with a grin. She cuddled into her husband's side and slid her hand across his chest. "I got the best Grant."

Olivia watched the happy couple and their playful banter. She wished she had someone special in her life too.

"Sorry, Liv. We tend to get carried away sometimes." Jenson admitted.

"It can get nauseating, I'm sure." Amber added.

"Don't apologize for loving each other. I think it's amazing that the two people I was closest to as a kid ended up happily married to each other." Olivia said with a smile. "It's terribly romantic."

"How are you holding up?" Amber felt that avoiding the issue wasn't a realistic approach. She was all for providing a diversion from what her friend was dealing with, but she knew it needed to be talked about so Olivia could begin to move on.

Olivia stared at nothing in particular and stayed quiet for the longest time. Then she shifted her gaze to her friend, gave a tight smile, and quietly said, "it was really hard. I met with the lawyers this morning."

"What did they say?" Jenson asked.

"They told me that my mother left everything she had to me. Her house, the car, all of it."

"That's great! That means you could stay here if you wanted to."

"It would be great to not have to wait another fifteen years to see you again." Amber agreed.

"That would be difficult since my job is in D.C, as well as my father, and my friends." Olivia noted.

"You had friends here before you had friends there." Jenson said quietly.

"What else did they tell you, Olivia?" Amber asked. She knew her husband was voicing his concerns for his friend, and that his intentions were good, but she also knew that Olivia was not in a good place to make life changing decisions right now.

"They told me that my mother's last wishes were to be cremated. I've got to find an urn to put her remains in."

"Where are you going to get one?" Amber asked.

"I'm going to look on Amazon and see what I can come up with. It's not going to be quite as fun as it usually is when I shop online, but it is what it is."

"Maybe you'll just know the perfect one when you see it? Kinda like buying a pair of shoes. I hope it's not too terrible for you."

"Thank you" Olivia replied.

"Did she have specific plans for her remains?" Jenson asked.

"Naturally. She wouldn't be Naomi if she didn't. She wants to be scattered in Tennessee. The lawyers didn't know why, but I know if was because that was where mom was from."

"Good thing Naomi kept her car in tip top condition. It sounds like a road trip is in your future. Are you going to try to do it before school starts back or put it off a while?" Jenson said.

"I don't know yet. It's a lot to think about all at once. I just want to get through this week, yanno? I think I'll be able to think a little more clearly once the memorial service is over and done with. If that make sense?"

"Yea, it does. There are a lot of loose ends to this whole thing, I'm sure. It'll be good to have them all out of the way."

Jenson glanced at his watch and then at his wife.

"Already?" Amber whined.

Olivia watched Jenson nod and pat his wife's thigh. "What's the matter?"

"It's ten o'clock and we both have to get up early tomorrow." Jenson explained.

"On a Sunday?" Olivia asked.

"Fraid so. We both have to work in the morning." Amber answered.

"No rest for the weary." Jenson agreed and got to his feet. "Five a.m. comes early. Are you going to be okay alone here tonight? I know it's not your first night alone in the house since you got back, but I figured you were so tired from hearing the news, getting everything together, and traveling, that sleep probably came easy for you last night."

"I'll be fine, thank you for asking. I've got to do some shopping before I go to bed. And I need to call my father and let him know what's going on."

Amber hugged her friend tightly. "If you need anything, anything at all, you call us. We're here for you, Liv."

"Thank you. It's good to have friends around me right now." Olivia walked them to the front door. "I'm really glad we did this. Let's do it again before I go back to D.C."

"Definitely." Jenson agreed and kissed her cheek. He stood in the doorway and said, "Call me if you need anything, Liv. I mean it!"

She smiled and touched him on the shoulder. "I will. Goodnight you two."

"Nite." Jenson and Amber replied in unison.

Once the door was closed and locked, Olivia went about the task of picking up the dessert and coffee dishes and carried them into the kitchen. When the saucers and mugs were neatly stacked in the dishwasher, Olivia turned it on. She went back to the front door and saw that Jenson's car was no longer in her driveway, so she turned the outside light off.

Everything was in its place downstairs, so she went upstairs. Stopping at the bathroom, Olivia used the facilities and brushed her teeth. When she stepped out into the narrow hall, she halted movement. Her eyes fell on her mother's door and lingered before they flicked over to her own bedroom door. In reality, she knew that they were now both hers.

For the first time, she didn't feel like sleeping in her own room. She wanted to sleep in the master bedroom. And just where did that feeling come from? Stepping to the closed door, she put her hand over the knob and wasted no time thinking about her decision. She turned it and opened the door. When she stepped inside the room her parents once shared, Olivia noticed that it didn't look the same as it had when she left. Even the bed was different.

When Olivia left with her father, the walls of her parent's bedroom was a very light mint green, Naomi's favorite color. The bed was an old one that had four posters and a colorful quilt that Olivia's grandmother had made for her parent's and presented to them as a wedding gift. There were family pictures on the walls back then. Some were from family vacations, and some were Olivia's school photos.

Looking at her mother's bedroom now, the first thing Olivia noticed was the floor. The carpeting was gone, and in its place was beautifully stained hard wood. Her mother's bed was very different too. It looked like an antique white wrought iron bed. It had a feminine floral print comforter resting on top of it. The wall behind the headboard was painted gray, but there were mint green accents around the room in floral arrangements and picture frames holding photos of Olivia.

Looking at the bed once more, Olivia smiled at the small lilac colored throw pillow resting against what she suspected was her mother's pillow. Naomi had deliberately put something purple in her bedroom. Maybe it was her small way of feeling closer to her daughter who was living so far away from her?

At her right, Olivia looked past the plain sheers and saw the glass door that led to the small second story balcony. The memory slipped into her mind of the last time she was out there, and she was drawn to the balcony again. She opened the door and took the few steps out into the muggy Georgia air. Leaning on the railing, Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She looked over her shoulder into the brightly lit room that once belonged to both of her parents.

It was the room she would immediately go to when she had a bad dream as a child. Or heard loud thunder clapping nearby. The soft carpet would stifle her steps so much that most of the time neither one of her parents heard her until she was standing beside their bed and asking if she could sleep with them. They always let her get in the middle and would hold her close and pepper her face with kisses.

When Olivia was in middle school, this room was the one where she told her mother that she wanted to be a teacher when she grew up. And where she told her that she was in love with Fitz. This room held the most secrets in the entire house, and most of them were Olivia's.

The ache she felt for her mother was sharp and real, and for the first time in a very long time, she wished that she could talk to her mom one more time. She crumbled to the same cement slab out on that balcony and let the tears roll down her face as the pain ripped her heart into pieces. She was sobbing uncontrollably, but she knew that her neighbors had been tucked into bed for quite some time and wouldn't hear her.

Or so she thought.

A few moments later, something hit the window of her mother's bedroom, making Olivia freeze her movements and instantly cease crying. Quickly wiping her wet eyes, they began to dart wildly around the yard. She didn't see anything or anyone, but still had the feeling someone was out there watching her. She wondered who...

"Liv?" a voice whispered in the dark.

It sounded like it was right below her and Olivia scrambled back away from the railing and against the glass doors. Her heart was beating wildly and the fear she was feeling became overwhelming.

"LIV!" The voice whispered louder.

Olivia crinkled up her face and called back, "Fitz? Is that you?"

"Ummm...Yea."

"What the hell are you doing in my yard at this hour? Trying to scare me to death?" she shot back angrily. She got to her feet and looked over the rail. There he stood, in the dark yard, head craned upward, looking right at her.

"Not exactly. Open the door and I'll tell you."

"No! Go home!" Her voice was getting louder, and she really didn't care.

"I could have opened the door with the key your mother gave me a long time ago, but I didn't want to scare you again. Can I please come in? I need to talk to you."

He was just gonna stay out there annoying her until she did eventually let him in. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. She couldn't even have a night to wallow in self pity. "Fine. Come on up."

Fitz wasted no time unlocking the door and dashing up the stairs as quick as he could. He hadn't been able to be there for her the last time she was crying out on the balcony, but he damned sure would be tonight. He slowly walked into Naomi's bedroom. It wasn't the first time he had been in here, so nothing took him by surprise. He saw Olivia still out on the balcony, arms crossed in front of her, and an angry expression on her face. Too damn bad. She'd just have to get over it. He walked until he was standing right in front of her and said, "hi."

Olivia rolled her eyes. That was original. In her angered state of mind, she took a second to look him over. He had on those navy blue running shorts and a plain white t-shirt. No shoes or socks. "Hi. What do you want?"

He wasn't one to mince words, so he got right to the point. "I heard you crying out here and wanted to come and check on you."

"I'm fine. See?" she said defensively. "You can go home now."

"The thing is, I don't think you are fine. Not at all. You can fool Jenson with your brave attitude, but not me. I know you're in an awful lot of pain. You'd be inhuman not to be. You just lost your mother, Liv. I can't imagine how gut wrenchingly hard that must be."

She did not want to cry in front of him but could feel her resolve losing the battle. She bit her bottom lip as a last ditch effort to hold the tears off, but it was futile. She covered her face with her hands and let it out. Once it started, she couldn't stop it.

Fitz's heart broke for the adult in front of him who still felt all alone. He might not have been able to be there for her when she was fifteen and crying in this same spot, but he was here for her now. He took a step closer and pulled Olivia into his arms. She felt so small and helpless.

Olivia felt him pulling her into his arms, and she felt herself take that step. To allow herself to be held and comforted. It felt so good that it made her cry even harder. She rested her head against his chest and didn't hold back a single tear. It probably should have been embarrassing but she didn't feel that way. She felt safe. Cared for.

As the tears began to wind down, Olivia started taking deep breaths in and then letting them out. She had no idea how crying could make a person feel clean, but that's exactly how she felt. There was no other way to describe it. A little bit exhausted too. She wiped the tears from her face and ran the side of her index finger under her nose, just in case. She probably looked terrible, but again, she didn't care.

She concentrated on what Fitz felt like being up against her like this. It was absolutely not the right time for such thoughts, but who knew if she'd ever get the chance again. His chest was firm, and Olivia could swear she could feel every ridge of those gloriously perfect abdominal muscles she had seen earlier that morning. Her arms were under his armpits, touching his back. She wished they were touching his hair. She opened her eyes and peeked up at it. Shrugging internally, she moved her hands to come up around his neck. Her fingers grazed his curly hair, and it was as soft as she had ever imagined. He smelled of some cologne that was woodsy and male. Suddenly, it was all she could smell.

Squeezing her eyes together tightly, she knew she really shouldn't be having these thoughts about Fitz at this particular moment. He was trying to comfort her, while she was having a completely feminine reaction to being in his arms. She couldn't keep this up. Olivia took a step back from him and looked into his eyes. "Thank you. I really needed that."

"I could tell." He gave her a sad smile. "I've debated with myself for the past fifteen years if I should tell you this or not, but I think it's time that I do."

She touched his arm. "It's okay. I already know."

"You do?" he asked all kinds of confused. "How?"

"Does it really matter?" She asked. Olivia didn't want Jenson to catch the brunt of his oldest brother's fury for telling the secret.

"Yes, it does!" He demanded. "How do you know?"

"Fine. Jenson told me. But don't be mad at him. He..."

"How did Jenson find out?" he demanded.

"Ahhh, apparently, it was all you talked about all those years ago." Olivia chuckled.

"What? No, I didn't! I never told anyone about that. Especially not Jenson." Fitz spit his name out like it was venom.

"What are you talking about? Jenson said you swore him and Hollis and Luke to secrecy. He said that you never shut up about..."

"Ohhhh! Jenson told you that I liked you when we were kids." Fitz said nervously. "Remind me to kick his ass for breaking that oath. Dickhead."

"Like he said, the statute of limitations has probably expired on that one. Don't worry about it. I don't think you still have feelings for me. It's been fifteen years." Olivia said flippantly, feeling a stray tear run down her face.

Damn tears! "I don't know why I'm still crying."

He swiped his thumb across her cheek to catch the last tear that hadn't been erased. "This isn't the first time I've seen you cry."

"Do you have cameras in my mother's house that I should know about?" She asked sarcastically.

"What? NO! Of course not." Great. She thought he was a creeper. He'd better explain. "Do you remember the night you and your father left here for good? It was late, like this. Already dark outside. Remember?"

He was starting to freak her out now. How did he know what it was like outside or that she had cried that night? No one knew about that. "Yea. But how do you know? Everyone was asleep."

He tilted his head to the side and gave her a half smile. "You probably thought everyone was asleep tonight too, huh? I woke up to yelling outside that night. I thought it was my parents and that I'd have to go get them inside before they woke up everyone on the street or he beat her black and blue again."

"What?!"

He didn't mean to say that!

"That's a story for another time." He said quickly. "When I looked out the window, I saw your parents shouting at each other. And then I saw you, sitting up here all tucked into yourself like a little ball. I started getting dressed. I was going to come over here to sit with you while they fought. Take your mind off things. I don't know. Something! But by the time I had my shoes on, your father yelled for you to come and get in the car. It was too late. I didn't move fast enough. I heard your dad say the two of you were going to Washington D.C. And then..."

He looked down at Olivia. She was crying again. Silently tears streamed down her brown cheeks as he spoke. Fitz swallowed hard. He needed to tell her all of it. "And then my heart broke for me because I thought I'd never see you again. I had a lot of strong feelings for you back then, but we were just kids. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of forgetting you and moving on with my life."

This was much harder to say out loud, to her face, than Fitz thought it would be. The rest of it rushed out him quickly, leaving him feeling like an idiot. But at least an unburdened idiot. "And then you showed up yesterday and I felt like I was sixteen all over again. Taking out the trash without a shirt on. Jesus, I'm pathetic."

"It was completely pathetic." She lied.

He chuckled, and then he heard her little laugh join his, and it felt good. To laugh with Liv. To see the misery for her to come to an end, even if just for right now. "Yea, well...it's good to know that some things don't change."

Olivia knew he was the one lying now. After gazing into his eyes, she nodded and agreed. "Yea, it is. Some things do change though, and that's a good thing too. I appreciate you coming over here and letting me bawl all over you."

Pointing at his shoulder, she added, "sorry about your shirt."

"This old thing?" He teased, giving her a wide smile as he glanced down at his shoulder. "It's just my running shirt. Nothing a trip in the washing machine won't fix."

"Speaking of trips," Liv began. She stepped over to the railing and looked at the dimly lit quiet street. "I met with a lawyer this morning to go over my mother's will."

"Oh?" Fitz questioned and went to stand beside her. "What did you find out?"

Liv continued gazing at her surroundings now leaning on the railing. "My mother's last request is for me to take her ashes to Tennessee and spread them there."

"Tennessee, huh?" He asked in with a small smile.

Sighing deeply, Liv looked over at Fitz and said, "Tennessee is where my family was supposed to go on vacation before my father and I left."

Fitz chuckled once again. "I know."

"What's so funny?" she asked furrowing her brow.

Glancing at her, he simply stated, "Naomi wanted nothing more than to go to Tennessee with her daughter. Looks like she found a way to get what she wanted."

He had been brave enough to share his truth with her, so Liv decided to be brave with him. "I'm not sure I can do it."

"Why not?"

"I've got so much to do! Prepare for the memorial service, buy an urn, pack up the house..."

"Liv..."

"Get it on the market, go back to D.C..."

"Liv..."

"Wrap up the school year, start planning for the next one..."

He held onto her shoulders. "Liv!"

"What?" she spat out sharply.

"She was your mother. Her last request was for you to go to Tennessee and spread her ashes. Make the damn time for her!"

Sighing once again, she admitted, "you're right. I know deep down that you are."

"But?" he prompted.

Her eyes searched his for understanding. She felt helpless and stupid and worse, selfish. "I know, okay? I know I'm just making excuses."

"Why are you making them then?"

"Because!" she said, not knowing how to express everything going on inside her.

"You sound like one of my kids in class" he chuckled.

There was no way of making him understand what she was thinking. She hardly understood it herself. Her mother had just died. They hadn't had any contact with each other after Olivia and her father had left. She felt her mother could have made more of an effort to get in touch with her only child, or at least sent cards on her birthday, graduations, and Christmases.

But none of that happened. So why should Olivia go to any trouble for her?

She rubbed her temples. "Fitz, I've had a really..."

"Don't say long day, because so have I" he said, impatiently cutting her off.

"Look, thank you for coming to check on me. I've cried like a baby, and talked it out a little, and now I'm fine. Really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." She gave a forced smile.

"Is this you giving me the boot?"

"I'm afraid so."

"I feel so used." he teased.

In spite of how she was feeling, Olivia laughed at him. He was very good at changing her mood. "Come on. I'll walk you down to the door."

When he started to protest, she said, "I'm well aware that you know your way around the house, but it would be inhospitable of me not to walk you to the door."

"You did leave snot all over my shirt."

Still laughing, she shoved his back as he led the way into her mother's bedroom and down the stairs.

When the two of them got to the front door he turned to face her. "I know you are still processing a lot, and grieving, but it's really nice to hear you laugh, Liv."

"Well, thank you for making me laugh. And for being a literal shoulder to cry on. It means a lot to me."

"Is it okay if I check in on your tomorrow?" He prayed she would say yes.

This was not going to become a routine while she was here. Liv was determined. But it was amazing to have someone to talk to. Even if he didn't agree with everything she said. "Yea, that would be nice."

He simply kissed her on the cheek and said, "get some sleep. Put on pajamas first, but get some sleep."

"Ha Ha!" She mocked. "It's a good thing you're a teacher. You'd suck as a stand up comedian."

"I thought it was funny." He said laughing.

"Get out!" She ordered, laughing back and closing the door behind him.

A/N - I wanted to apologize for a few things real quick. First, I'm sorry for the delayed update. Last weekend I got sun poisoning & was absolutely miserable for 5 straight days. I didn't want to move because everything hurt.

Secondly, I wrote the first 4 chapters of this story over 3 years ago. Originally, Liv's family was going to the state of Maine for their annual vacation, but once I started re-writing & editing, I accidentally overlooked that & put in Tennessee. I'm sorry for any confusion. I tried to fix it with this chapter as best I could. Please forgive me & thanks for reading. I appreciate every one of you for your kind words & support.