AN: james-d-bradley2 my dude, my man, my bro! Yes! Cyber cookie, you fucking got it!
If Satan isn't a goddamn himbo, he's at least a guy that wants to see how much his body can take. He's not a masochist though. He's in it for the challenge.
Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
One Knuckleheaded Glutton
The One With Oiroke No Jutsu
It was a quiet day in the Happy Hotel. Most of its renovations were finished, just a few more floors and a handful of spare rooms scattered about needed to be fixed. There was the whole mess in Room 223, a pipe that got misaligned and screwed in the wrong way flooded it, but that was a story for another time. There was a far more important development that happened. The Princess of Hell finished her post and ran about the floors.
"Vaggie! VAGGIE!" Charlie called for her girlfriend. Within moments it was evident that she was not with her on the second floor, maybe higher! Charlie shot up the stairway to the third, then the fourth. At the fifth she was getting frustrated. Where-? Text! She could text-!
Her phone chimed with a response to her comment on Auntie Bee's pic on Voxtagram. Ah, one point five million saw the pic and were debating—Aha! Hotel_Magnement!
"Oh. Ugh, duh, Charlie. She was fixing the wiring to the doorbell." Charlie palmed her face and then ran down the five flights of stairs. She was nearly out of breath by the end of it, but got invigorated when she found her girlfriend. "Vaggie! You saw my post, did you see-?!"
"Yeah, yeah. They got together or whatever, whoopty do." Vaggie crossed her arms. "You've been hollering for two minutes, and cleared four floors looking for me."
"I was halfway through the fifth!" Charlie nodded.
"…Babe, I love that I can inspire you so much, but…What's 223's toilet status?"
"Oh, that's busted. We need to call a plumber in." Charlie sighed and crossed her arms. Vaggie groaned.
"The last one tried to get a running tab open! And the others quit after you oversold the hotel."
"Right." Charlie frowned. She rubbed her chin. "Maybe we can ask someone outside of Pentagram City?"
"Everyone avoids this place like the plague if they can help it. You'd have to be either powerful enough to rival royals or stupid enough to agree to cash on principle." Vaggie shook her head. "Not to mention the fucking vultures that would come after them, so we'd need some extra muscle. You know how Sinners get when they meet Hellborn."
"Yeah, our souls tend to increase their power if they can snag us into a deal." Charlie hummed in agreement. Her phone chirped with another update and she grinned. "Ha! Even Dad supports them! And he's offering to record their wedding!"
"What?" Vaggie peered over her shoulder. She swallowed a snort and clapped Charlie's shoulder. "Oh-oh, Charlie. Fuck, I-I need to explain something about canine anatomy to you."
"Huh? What's that got to do with-?"
"Just...Trust me, don't respond to that comment yet."
"Your breath tastes fuckin awful after you smoke." Naruto rumbled to his girlfriend — fucking suck it Oily Sage and Ino! He scored himself a hot girlfriend! — after he tried to kiss her. He had to pull back and reactivate the almighty Boop just to ignore the gnarsty Vibes the tar residue on her lips gave to him. Loona growled, but relaxed into the second Boop and tightened her arms around his sides.
"Sor-ry for getting fuckin' stressed out by some asshole you know."
Oh, the many ways he could respond to that. Instead he pushed her muzzle down with his own to nuzzle his forehead into hers. He pulled his nose away from hers to kiss her head and then nuzzled her again.
"No. I get it, just sayin: I like the taste of 'Loona's Latte' better than 'Loona's Lights'," he smiled as the nasty Vibes that clung to her usual sweet scent bled away to 'Content' 'Happiness' and of course the F.B.N. Vibe. Her tail swooshed about the limousine cabin behind her and she nipped at his jaw, just shy of the sweet spot. That caused his own wriggling menace to thwap against the leather seats and for him to Rumble.
"Oh, gross! What the actual fuck, Luci?!"
Of fucking course those were the words Naruto had to come out of his Boop-induced bliss to. Typical fucking Douchifer had to do something. He glanced at Bee, to find her staring at her Hellphone. The same Hellphone that had its camera aimed at him and his girlfriend. Something about that seemed-
"..Bee?" Loona pulled a bit out of his embrace and twisted in his lap — Oh, hey! There's uh, there's a, ahem, a slight issue he hadn't anticipated happening today. Okay, focus, he can get out of this without the Sakura-Reaction Counter gaining a digit. Focus on-on-on the ceiling! Yes! The ceiling! Not the absolutely delightful rump, hips and legs that were pressing into your pelvis! Focus on the fucking ceiling, Naruto! — towards his sister in all but blood. She had her own phone out. "Did..Did you post a picture of us?!"
"I mean, duh? You two are so fucking sweet, I'm getting cavities and stomach ulcers—Wait, you've got a 'gram? You follow me?!" Bee beamed. Oh, joy. She slid forward across the seats and two of her arms grabbed Loona's. "What's your account, Pretty Pup?! I gotta follow you back and tag you in this shit!"
"Th-that's really not necessary—"
"Oh, Hell yes the fuck it is! If I can tag you it'll get some of those uppity Goetia fucks off my back to," Bee deepened her voice to a snarky mockery of a snooty member of Paimon's clutch, and two of her hands used finger quotes, "'bridge the gap betwix royal houses' that's been happening since this fucking rocket scientist went public with a bodyguard advert that wasn't fucking ready to be sold yet!"
"I make fucking clones and blow shit up! What more could someone want?" Naruto argued back. Huh, weird that the cabin suddenly filled with a tangy hint of Lust. Meh, not important. He looked at Loona, brow furrowed. "What's wrong with her tagging you?"
"Well, I like my fucking privacy, for one." The fuck did that mean? His confusion must've been evident because Loona rolled her eyes and patted his muzzle. "Paparazzi, dumbass. You're a minor celebrity and I'm some fucking nobody—" The fuck she was! Loona was amazing! Whoever said otherwise needed a fucking 'Infinite Torment' delivered from him to their ass. "They'll hound me for fucking answers since you're pretty much untouchable...That reminds me; who the fuck is Russ?!"
"..Russ? But the only Russ we know is—?" Bee gasped and then snarled at him. Uh-oh. The Queen Bee was coming out. "You little shit! What the fuck did you go to him for that I couldn't help you with?!"
"Some human agency snagged Loona while we were exploring the beach near Verosika's concert. Before you start—!" He snarled at Bee and pulled Loona out of her grasp to let her breathe. They were technically House Demons and their presence was dangerous for her if unchecked. His growl gained a small chatter that his sister picked up on, to keep her from thinking he was challenging her. "They're all dead. I dealt with them and Cerberus helped me do it."
"Hol..Wait. Wait! That was fucking Cerberus?! I talked shit to...I hung up on the original fucking Hound of Hell!?" Loona asked, her ears folded back and a sharp whine pierced the air. Shit. Fuck! He'd wanted to break that to her a bit easier! God fucking dammit, why did life hate him so fucking much?!
"Whoa, wait? You did?!" Bee swiftly reverted back to her fully Restrained form and went wide-eyed once more before all four of her arms crossed. She grinned and nodded. "Mad respect, Pretty Pup. Takes major heavy sacks to shut down Cerb and Herb once they get going. Russ is a total pushover, though, but he's really fucking good with his tongue. Actually, they're all really fucking good with their tongues. But, like, shit, if I could rearrange them to my liking, leave 'em with one head…I'd keep their hot bod, up Russ' attitude, Cerb's liver and Herb's face—Fuck, have you seen his face? Ugh, Baby Bro, don't tell Tex, but I miss sitting on Herb's mouth sometimes."
"TMFI." Naruto deadpanned with a groan. He sat back against the seats of the limo and let Loona relax against him while he stroked her back. There was a faint tremble under her skin and soft whimpers that pierced his heart. The sour 'Fear' in the air was starting to bother him. "Hey, hey, it's fine. You're safe, Loona. I promise. Russ and his brothers just...They're the Guard, y'know? He and Bee dated until she cheated on him—"
"Not my best decision, in hindsight." Bee admitted with a shrug. Naruto rolled his eyes at the blasé attitude of her infidelity. Because of what he remembered of life before, he was used to monogamy and the way cheating was dealt with. When he'd heard about what happened between the two during one of his decade long naps, he'd been pissed. Now though, it has been centuries since they split. At least the two were cordial, if a bit competitive over his affection.
Arguably, the dumbest thing to fight with an ex over.
"Well, yeah, they broke up. But even after they split, he's basically family." He finished. Loona lost her trembles and the whine mercifully stopped. She pushed back on his shoulders and stared him in the eyes.
"You asked Cerberus to help you rescue me?" Huh, that sweet F.B.N. Vibe just filled the whole fucking cabin. He could hear Bee sniffing and she let out a chuckle.
"...Fuckin, get it, Baby Bro."
"Do not!" Naruto pointed a claw at her as he held Loona's gaze. Damn, but he loved her red eyes. And her scent. And her curvy, curvy hips. And—Focus! Your girlfriend asked you a question, moron. "Yeah, and?"
"..You-?" Her brow furrowed as she tried and failed to say something. Eventually, she growled before she cupped his face and gently pushed her lips to his. Mm, sweet Vanilla Loona, his eyes fell shut as he leaned into it and the Wriggle started. Free kiss instead of chewing out for another bomb drop? Fuck, yes! No complaints on his end—wait, no. Ugh. Slight complaints. Still a faint taste of cigarette polluting her sweet taste. The kiss broke and Loona rubbed her muzzle against his. He Rumbled as she whispered into his ear. "You are a fucking moron."
"That's what I fuckin' tell him all the goddamn time!" Bee laughed. He chanced a quick glance at her and saw her phone before Loona's claw grazed one of his spots by his right ear and she stole all of his attention. Wait, no. Need an answer!
"...Are you taking more pictures right now?" Naruto asked, his claws gently scratched into the spot just below Loona's, ahem, Spot, and right at the edge of her very curvy hips. He didn't dare open his eyes as Loona began to scent, kiss, and nip at his jaw—she was very close to his own spot, and he was super fucking lucky she couldn't find it.
"And ruin this sweet moment with camera flashes? Fuck no, of course not!" Bee scoffed. He heard the grin within her next words. "I am fucking recording this shit! Ozzie will pay stupid stacks for fresh FoxHound action. He can edit our voices out later though, probably put one of those cheap ass moan tracks over it."
His girlfriend froze and her nose hovered over his spot. Fuck, she was going to make him go literally stupid if she actually reached it. Her soft huffs of breath were already causing issues with coherent thought.
"Ozzie? As in, Asmodeus? As in the actual fucking Sin of Lust?" Loona asked. Her face once more turned to Bee — oh, thank fuck, Naruto could relax. His spot was still secret — and she whined. "You're going to-?"
"Sell it to Ozzie? Fucking bet your sweet ass I will, Pretty Pup," Bee's tone had Naruto crack his eyes open and growl at her. That was the same fucking voice she used whenever she teased someone. She met his gaze and held a hand up. "Sorry, my bad. Party Pan slipped out."
Yeah, sure it did. Naruto let his growl taper off and subtly adjusted his hold on Loona to one that was more defensive. A tricky feat, considering the effect his girlfriend was having on his extremities.
"What would it take for you to…Not?" Loona asked.
"Not flirt? Total accident on my end-"
"No, that's, um, that's …fine." He'd be upset if his girlfriend didn't just nudge the barely tucked bulge in his pants with her knee. Okay, so, she clearly knew that was there now, right? That's embarrassing. And concerning. She hadn't brought it up. "I meant, selling the video?"
"Oh?" Bee shifted in her seat. "You want it for yourself? ...That's kinda hot."
"Bee." Naruto warned, another squinted glare aimed her way.
"N-well, maybe." Uh, what? ...Well, that's a fun fantasy Naruto will enjoy later. Loona was still talking so he'd focus right now. "Look, I just, I fucking know we're in Hell and all, but I fucking value my privacy."
"I can deal with the paparazzi. Just a few beats and parties and they'll forget-" Bee grinned as she lost herself to her partying mind. Ugh, fucking great, now he would have to negotiate for more fucking time to focus on his own life.
"Blitzø, alright? I don't want Blitzø to get fucking word of this." Loona snapped before she slumped and rested her head on his shoulder. One of his claws reached up and started to scratch her back. She sighed, a bitter twist of 'Resignation' 'Gratitude' and 'Irritation' perverted her sweet Vibes. "He's just...He's so fucking much sometimes."
"Blitzø?" Bee tapped her chin. Wait, hold on. Did she forget? Best case scenario! Please, please forget! "Now I fucking know I've heard that name before."
"He's really not an issue." Naruto quickly interjected. The last thing he needed was for Bee to go absolute Binge mode on an Imp. No matter how annoying, overprotective or assholish Blitzø was to him and Loona, he could not let Bee inject herself into that dynamic. The property damage and meetings he or his clones would be stuck in afterwards...Fucking Douchifer, making every legal hassle a fucking week spanning issue at the least.
"He's the Imp that adopted me. He kind of...attacked Naruto on his first job."
…No. No, did she just-? No! Fucking seriously, why?! Bee was gonna let it fucking drop if her memory didn't get jogged!
"Fuckin—nice going, Loona." He groaned. The vibes in the air just shifted to the red hot spice of Wrath. The Limo groaned as Bee's eyes narrowed and her fangs were bared.
"What?" Loona glared at him. Oh, wonderful, the Wrath is spreading. Fuck you, Satan, you fucking sado-masochistic psychopath. "It's what fucking happened—!"
"Oh. Him. Yeah, I fucking remember him." Bee curled her lip into a snarl. She started to grow and her colors changed. "That uppity little imp thinks he's better than he is, higher than his place because he's fucking a sad little bird and then attacks my Baby Bro—!"
"This!" He cut into his sister's rising tirade and guided Loona to sit on his other side. Yep, despite doing that, he still had a boner. Now on partial display. Fucking, great—Focus, stupid. Sin on the verge of Binging. He snarled at Bee as her back pressed into the limo's roof. "This is why I fucking asked Cerberus for help, Sis. He can do discreet and demolition. With you, it's just fucking demolition!"
Redirect, restrain, and relax. The Three R's that can help someone deal with an upset Queen Bee. If they weren't on their way to Sloth right now, they'd probably be having a whole different kind of conversation. One with fangs and claws. One he would probably lose.
"I can be discreet!"
"You're about thirteen feet and growing in the limo." He deadpanned. Bee snarled at him and he held his hands up. "What?! You are. Calm down."
"Why shou-?!"
"Because if you calm down, and shrink, you can help Loona make my Voxtasin-whatever account and we can talk about how we want to handle the orphanage welfare checks with her." Naruto explained. He reached up and grabbed one of her hands — he just barely managed to fit his entire hand in her palm, so that was promising — before he smiled at her like he did when he was smaller. "C'mon, sis. Calm down. You're probably just hungry, right?"
"...Yeah, a little." Bee sighed as she shrank down and the limo resumed its cruising speed. She made a bucket of live baby chicks and started popping them into her mouth. "Mm, that's not bad."
Naruto felt his ear flick and looked away from the gruesome sight. Live meat sources from Earth was not something he saw often that she created. It always made his stomach sick, like that time she whipped up a batch of kittens—A hand tugged him back to his seat and a weight straddled his lap, ripping him out of that horrific memory. Once more grabbing his shoulders, Loona stared into his eyes; her ears were perked and her tail wagged like a flag.
"You'll let me make you an account?"
Fuck, that's cute. He knew she'd be excited by the prospect of it — She'd only been asking slash hinting at it since fucking Monday, when the subject came up before she was abducted — but this was a whole new level. The only reasons he didn't have an account already was due partially to his phases of narcolepsy and because he didn't really care about it. He already knew he was awesome, and anyone who thought otherwise he'd just show them how wrong they were. Why worry about 'followers' and that shit?
"Yeah, I thought about it. Bee would probably have done it already if I hadn't put my fucking foot down." He glowered and growled at his smirking snacking sister. "You still asked for too much."
"An awesome dick pic to throw around in others faces or rub off to whenever the fuck I feel like it? I disagree. If anything, I should've bartered for more." She grinned as she finished off the chirping chicks and blood dripped from her mouth. Ugh, he hated it whenever she tried to mess with him like the Crazy Snake Lady did. The Lust in the air got too fucking thick too fast. "You're lucky I was feeling so generous."
"You're lucky I was dealing with fucking puberty and couldn't stop popping boners!" Naruto snarled as his ears burned and went flat. He did not want to talk about that picture and why he did it. It was a dumb mistake that's been biting him in the ass since he made it.
"..What?" Loona looked between them. He glanced at her and then glared at the roof of the car. Fuck. The stupid boner was back. Ugh, he'll just ignore it since his girlfriend was doing the same thing.
"A very dumb agreement that got her to let me deal with my own social media presence. It was about what? Twenty? Twenty-five years back?" He asked, looking at his sister.
"Yeah maybe." Bee shrugged and licked her fingers before she ate the bucket.
"Your 'social media presence'? You mean the nonexistent one?" Loona deadpanned.
"Exactly!" He chirped with a smirk as he looked back at her. He held his phone up and then went serious as her eyes fell on it. "I am trusting you with my phone. Do not abuse this trust."
"I work with assassins."
"Don't mention them." Bee advised, a dark gleam in her eye. "I'm still hungry. And Imps don't taste half bad."
"Noted." Loona shrugged and snatched his phone. She pecked his cheek, turned and sat with her back against his chest. Okay, um, shit. Her ass was sandwiching his dick. Fuck, that felt nice—No, focus. Look at the ceiling! ...He'll have to buff that dent out. Maybe two clones jumping on it, or—This wasn't working! Focus, quick, focus on—Yes, Loona's cute tail swooshed into his side. That he could focus on and use to will the erection away.
He wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and enjoyed her scent. Consequently, a Rumble started. Much easier to manage than an erect dick — Don't fucking think about it, dipshit! Focus! He sniffed and gave a quick lick to his girlfriend's notched ear and grinned when it flicked into his nose. Sweet Vanilla wafted into his sniffer.
"Stop. What do you want as a Username?"
"Does it really fucking matter?"
"Of course it matters, Baby Bro." And there was Bee, using his other shoulder to rest on as one hand pointed at pictures for Loona to select. Wait, why were they in his Funny Faces folder? He opened his mouth — Bee closed it with a hand. "You gave us control, suffer the consequences."
Naruto rolled his eyes, but complied with the demand. Unable to tease Loona lest Bee retaliate for 'distracting' her, he decided to just enjoy being surrounded by his two favorite precious people. There was still forty minutes to get to Sloth's Hellhound Orphanage, and once they started talking about that, instead of his account, he'd chime in.
"Oh, come on, seriously!" Bee groaned.
"How the shit is NinjaGluttonDuke taken?" Loona scowled. The id came up when searched and Bee showed her. She rolled her eyes. "Fucking otakus."
"I know right? Kids need to fucking get out more."
"There's different reasons we agree about that, but here's a suggestion. Maybe don't focus on my House's Sin?" Naruto mumbled into her ear.
Fuck, he had to stop teasing her! It was hard enough to fucking focus when his cock — and that was a fucking cock, not just some hard dick. No! Don't think about the snapped collar! He didn't bring it up, don't bring it up! Bee is right fucking there! — kept jabbing into her, but now that it's softer, she could focus on all the other ways he was inadvertently teasing her.
One of his claws gently stroked her left side while his head rested on her right shoulder. His whiskered muzzle would brush against her notched ear and fuck did that send electricity up her spine! Then there was fucking Bee's 'idle' hands that occasionally grabbed her thigh or she'd point out a selfie her boyfriend took — Loona sent many of them to her own phone by text to save for fucking later; she wanted to fucking etch her boyfriend's chest into her mind, his muscles were packed so fucking tight! — to upload to his account.
"But then how are they supposed to know we're related, Baby Bro?!"
"Oh, I dunno, maybe fucking look at your account? Ow!" Yeah, he deserved that whap on the snout. Oh, fuck, that whine was too much. And it was fucking playful! His arms tightened around her and Loona had to quell her fucking loins before they roasted her alive. "Loona! Bee's beating me up!"
"You fucking bitch!" Bee giggled. Loona smirked.
"The fuck do you expect me to do about it?"
"Ask her to stop? You're pretty, she'll listen to you."
God fucking dammit. He was going to make her fucking combust! Her ears folded back and Loona just huffed. She reached back and scratched him under the chin. His awful whine cut and the Rumble came back. She smirked as he stopped the play to lean into her touch. She pecked his snout.
"You're pretty, too, and you've known her longer. You still have a better chance than me."
"Nah, Baby Bro is more cute than pretty." Bee waved a hand dismissively. Loona conceded to that and went back to brainstorming her boyfriend's account name — "Baby Sis is a fucking knockout, though."
Sorry, what?
Naruto perked up and the muffled thwap-thwap-thwap told her he was pleased by the words. The words that absolutely confused the shit out of Loona.
"Aw, thanks, Bee! I'm so glad you like it. It took years to get that move back in working order. Longer than the clones or developing my human disguise. Which, honestly? Fucking weird."
What the fuck?
"You should totally go as Baby Sis for a party! Fuck, has Tex seen it yet?"
"Nah, I'm saving that meeting for as long as I can." He started to snicker and hot fuck did it sound evil.
"What the fuck are you two talking about." Loona asked, half turning to look her boyfriend in the eye, but not enough to risk the comfortable pressure pushing into her butt that she'd gotten used to.
"..Baby Bro, you mean you didn't fucking tell her?!"
"It hasn't come up." He shrugged, fucking shrugged, at the oversimplification of her constant source of aggravation in regards to him. On fucking Lucifer's name, if this idiot dropped another bomb—!
"My adorable Baby Bro is gender-fluid!" Bee cheered while the 'Baby Bro' in question clapped a hand over his face.
Well, the saving grace for him was that he didn't drop the bomb himself.
"What?" Was all she could manage.
"Yeah," her boyfriend's sister nodded. "He can turn himself into a hot chick. Like, valid, hot."
…So many avenues to explore just opened up for the Bisexual Disaster that was Loona.
"That doesn't mean I'm fucking gender-fluid, Bee."
"Yes it does! You can switch at will!"
"I still identify as a male. Even when I'm in Oiroke."
"Oreo-wha-?"
"Oh, shit, I think we broke her."
"Loona? Loon?" She heard him, but words were failing Loona. Her boyfriend could, what, fucking crossdress well? What, was he like Angel Dust, or something? ...On second thought, probably not with the cock he was packing – Oh, hey. Free Boop! Loona is okay with this development. She hummed into it—hey, what the fuck? No shorting the Boop!
"The fuck?" She glared at her idiot boyfriend and grabbed his collar. "Don't you ever fucking do that again!"
"She's back." Bee chuckled while Naruto's brow furrowed.
"Do what? Boop?"
"It's called fucking what?! Unholy shit, that's too fucking adorable! Just yes!" The Sin squealed. Loona would die of embarrassment later, she had to get a point across to her idiot partner.
"You shorted the Boop!" She curled her lip. "Don't ever fucking do that again."
"Uh, okay?"
"Okay?!" She snarled.
"Right! Never again! You got it!" He nodded quickly. Good, it was settled—wait, no, hold on. There was something else she was miffed about. Loona glared into his eyes again.
"What the fuck is an Oreo-kay?"
"Oi-rio-kay," he said slowly. He grinned. "It's a ninja-"
"Do not say it's a fucking ninja thing."
"It's a Naruto thing." Bee supplemented with a laugh. Loona glared at her, she was encouraging his shit and that wasn't okay! That was part of the problem!
"Well, she's not wrong." The Foxfiend in question shrugged. "It's like how I make my clones. Not magic, but something else. I can make a... kind of really detailed... female disguise."
"'Kind of really detailed' he says." Bee snorted and poked his face. He snarled and swiped at her. "This cheeky little fucker went into an exam with Belphagor changed into a fucking knockout, and proceeded to get a full body exam. Gyno included. Little shit gets to enjoy the power of the uterus without the First Man's Last Laugh."
"Why is it called that, anyway? I don't get the joke." Naruto frowned. Loona didn't even have a fucking idea what they were talking about. Well, she got the gist of most of it, which made her — as a connoisseur of the flesh of both male and female — extremely excited.
"Can I see it?"
"What? Oh, Oiroke?" Loona nodded – she tried to quell her tail's excited wag, and failed – he shrugged. There was a poof, and then the cabin was filled with smoke until Bee slurped it all up like a vacuum. The lap she sat on was a little smaller, but not by much, and the scent was the same, so—Loona's eyes went wide.
"Hey."
The curvy - Holy shit, that was still lean muscle and it was curvy - vixen that held her in her smaller but no less defined arms had a sinful smirk on her face. The cream scars were near absent, but still there if one squinted, and her eyes had complimenting mascara that was damn near perfect. Her red-orange coat had a bloody hue that meshed very well with the lighter, thicker mane that sprouted from her head. But that fucking smirk-!
This fucker is not fucking looking at her like that with that thinner, almost Bee-like face and not going to make her regret fucking asking! All that control over her reaction to his teasing earlier? Yeah, that was eaten up with the fucking smoke! Her ears, face and groin blazed with heat. Her jaw went slack and her tail limp.
"Guh." Coherency, poise, and grace: thy name is Loona.
"I think she fuckin' likes it." Bee snickered.
"I think you're right." That breathy voice was not fucking allowed! That was cheating! The sultry vixen leaned in for a kiss — sweet full lips that she'd not dare bite because they were unfamiliar and suddenly close to her own mouth — meshed with her own and Loona was gonna-oh. She knows this scent and taste. Yes. Almost-coconut and Violets, she wanted to bite into it. Can't, not the lips she knew, too different—Her ear flicked at another poof!
Oh, huh, she knows these lips better, less perfect, more bite-able. Perfect.
"Fuck-ow, Loona!" Her boyfriend pulled back and ran his tongue along the jowls she might've accidentally torn into. "That's a little too rough."
"Sorry." Loona let her ears fold down and gathered his head in her hands. She kissed and then licked the half-inch cut that was there. Hm, his blood had a citrus twist to it? Weird but not unheard of. Maybe Foxfiends were just naturally delicious.
"Kinky!" Bee snickered. She yelped when The Wriggler slapped her snout. "Party Foul!"
"You started it, House Rule three: No Kink Shaming." Naruto teased the now sulky Bee, as he put his arms around Loona again. Another quick and gentle kiss was shared before he grinned. "So, what's the verdict?"
"...Hot. Very hot." Loona admitted, her ears afire. Her tail swooshed once. Her brow furrowed. "Weird though, I couldn't get into the kiss. Different scents and textures threw me off."
"Ah, like smelling fresh beef ramen and eating the broth." He nodded. What th-? You know what? He can have that one.
"See what I mean though? Baby Sis? Total fuckin' fox." Bee grinned as she jumped into their space, hugging them both—that hand was way too close to her Spot for her liking. She growled at the Sin, who grinned at her, moved her hand, and then turned a narrowed gaze on her boyfriend. "Baby Bro? Total cutie-patootie."
"I am not cut-tah!" Naruto's head snapped to an angle as his sister scratched a point on his jaw. His eyes went half-lidded and the rapid-fire thwap-thwap-thwap of the Wriggler made itself known. What was–?
"So cute." Bee reiterated. One of the Sin's other three hands took her wrist and guided it to a spot at the base of his ears, by the hinge of his jaw an—oh! Oh shit, was this where she was scratching him on the other side? Loona joined in and the Sin of Gluttony chuckled before she cooed at the utter mess Naruto had become. "A cute widdle orange, fuchs! Just a liddle goiy!"
"Hate..!" He protested. The Rumble in his chest did little to supplement that declaration. Bee's hands tore away and his half-lidded gaze turned to Loona as her scratching continued. "Loo..Pleash.."
"No." Loona smirked and pressed her lips onto the top of his nose to stop the whine that he let out. "Mwah. Sorry, babe. You're just too cute right now."
"Nah-ah-ah!" Riveting rebuttal. With that point made, Loona was definitely going to stop torturing him...sometime in the near future.
"And that's his profile pic." Bee snickered as she took the photo, then Naruto's phone dinged. Loona used her free hand to keep scratching him — she wasn't sure when the next time she'd have this opportunity for payback would arrive, so she wasn't wasting it — while the other changed the previous shirtless selfie that they'd selected — he was covered head to foot in doodles from some party he fell asleep at, or so the story went — to the received 'SpotScratched' photo and entered a username.
"How do you think you spell 'Fuchs'?" She asked, looking at Bee.
"Wha, why-? Oh! That's fucking brilliant, Pretty Pup."
Loona smirked before she created the account and added her own and Bee's to the friends list, then updating her account's connection to his. He could add more later. With that done, she used Bee's expertise and mildly alarming familiarity with her boyfriend's body to turn him into a puddle of goo.
Payback, as they say, is a bitch. What they don't tell you is that her name is Loona, and she would get her stupid, adorable boyfriend back for all of his dumb, bomb-worthy secrets with this scratch session.
Loona hadn't been outside when he went to check on her twenty minutes ago, so Blitzø took that to mean she went out drinking with her friends again. His poor little girl, so stressed out by her dip into bodyguarding. He shook his head and went through a few more requests when his backup's backup Hellphone dung. This phone didn't have connection to the providers his actual phone was connected to, but it did have Wi-Fi.
As such, it was good to keep connected to the spare Voxtagram account he had assigned to follow Loona's posts – What with her blocking his personal and professional accounts years ago.
"What antics is Loony-Toony getting up to–" The amused smile that had been on his face slowly fell into a scowl. His right eye twitched and his lip curled as he read the alert. "What...the...fuck?.
Moonlight_Howling_666 was tagged in four photos.
She certainly was. His darling Loony had gotten caught in four pictures, great angles of his baby, for sure. He'd love them...if all of them weren't with that fucking no-good royal Kidnapper sonovabitch. He snarled and went to bomb-threat the fucking poster of those pictures – oh, Satan's steaming swamp of shit!
Moonlight_Howling_666 has been marked as verified by QueenBeeYotch: Hail the Prince of Gluttony's new favorite person, Moonlight_Howling_666 the Pretty Pup!
"Fucker went and got protection! SHIT!" Blitzø slammed his fist onto his desk as he ground his teeth. Another ding had him open the new notification.
Moonlight_Howling_666 has an updated profile picture. Okay, it wasn't the end, Loony was still in control of her own profile–NO!
"Come the fuck on, Loony! Work with Daddy here!" Blitzø shrieked. The picture was a selfie of his darling baby girl, giving her cute little smile...with her nose pressed against the nose of that Kidnapping Pedophile while he hovered behind her like the fucking creep he was! He felt his eye twitch as another new alert went off. He stared at it before he snarled and tossed the phone across the room.
He pulled his personal primary Hellphone out and dialed a number. One ring happened before the fucker answered.
"Blitzy! What can I–?"
"Stow it, Stolas! I'm too fucking pissed off! I'm coming over and I'm riding your fucking ass raw!"
"Oh, my! Is this about that little update I just got–?"
"Be bleached and ready in fifteen or get ready to fucking bleed on me, shit-for-brains!" Blitzø snapped as he hung his phone up and kicked the spare phone out into the main office. He glared at Millie and Moxxie, who were glued to their phones.
"S-Sir! Sir, I take it you saw–?"
"Talk to me about it, Mox, and I will rip your face off and wear it to my angry fuck session!" He snapped. He stormed past and stopped once he threw the door open. "Lock this shithole up, we're closed for the fucking day!"
"Uh...Sure, thang Blitz–"
He slammed the door behind him before Millie even finished talking. His eyes twitched and in his mind's eye, he could still see clearly the alert that pissed him off so much.
Moonlight_Howling_666 has updated relationship status to [Committed] with OrangeFuchsRamen
AN: Well, Blitz knows. This will only end in tears.
It's back, baby! For those unaware, I'm also on AO3, same name. So, just in case another GoDaddy Blackout – title of a sextape – happens, I'll keep updating the variant on AO3. That'll happen at a slower rate, unless something happens to this site. Again.
...Fuck, I guess I'll get started on that right fucking now.
Just remember, it's just fucking Fan-Fiction.
AN2: Thanks for the spellcheck, Aergaia!