Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

Angel of Vengeance

Two weeks passed since that blissful day in Lust. With the Pheromo purged from their system — and Blitzø's drunken sobbing rant of a voicemail deleted; the fucking audacity of him — Loona and Naruto spent the rest of the evening with Asmodeus, who talked them through what they'd done, and advised them how to continue to avoid future 'incidents' as intense as the Snapped Collar was. Part of that included — Loona growled as she turned a page in the textbook — 'distance'.

"You've both been all over each other, and that's great, but since you didn't hit that homer — Sin of Lust, I can tell — just take it easy. Take a step back. Think about what you feel, and make sure it's not a passing fling. You'd be surprised how many couples down here get to the first year and start having doubts. Start looking for more." The massive Sin grinned and winked with three of his eyes. "Besides, there's that old saying: Absence makes the Lust grow stronger. End of the day, it's up to you two. It's just advice, heed it or don't."

They talked about it when Asmodeus stepped out to handle some pressing business. She was, well, not okay with the idea, but open to it. There were the magic textbooks she got that she hadn't touched in a week or so. (The lightning magic she saw in action was badass, and were it not for his issue with using it, Loona would ask her boyfriend for help.)

Naruto also seemed leery of Asmodeus' advice, but admitted he needed to actually build up his business so he didn't impose on Tex's gig. Not that Loona thought Verosika or Bee would mind; the former for more chances to jump her boyfriend, and the latter clearly had some kind of issue with him being on his own — Loona had an idea, but she didn't want to blatantly accuse a Sin of something. Best case scenario: she's right and gets eradicated. Worst case scenario: she's wrong and gets eradicated. Bee's favorite 'Pretty Pup' or not, she didn't like those odds — but Naruto had 'goals' he needed money to achieve.

In the end, they decided to go back to texts and phone calls...and maybe the occasional coffee meetup at Hothead's if it could be managed. Thus far, they've managed the last just once, on the Sunday after their romp in Lust.

So, here she was, at work early enough that Blitzo would still be preoccupied with his own morning routine. That left her free to get a latte, and read about how to properly meld one's demonic core energy. It was way fucking more complicated than it needed to be, focusing on the physical and mystical power that was centered within her 'pool' was fucking difficult when her mind kept wandering to her boyfriend's job hunt, her boss/dad's annoying tendencies, the updates on Voxtagram, and—

"Mornin' Loona!" Ugh, Millie was way too chipper as she came in. At least Fatty understood her struggle, given the absolute drag he had in his posture. Her ear twitched as a scent wafted from them and her eyes narrowed. Weird, how was it that Fatty smelled more like lube than—Oh. Ew.

Don't misunderstand, more power to Millie and all that for topping, but she didn't need to know that about their sex life. Best not let anything slip.

"Sup."

"Blitz in yet? I gotta ask him about my request for Harvest Moon."

"Nope." Loona flicked a page over and arched a brow. 'Training the body past natural limitations increases mystical aptitude?' I might have to ask Naruto for advice on that—

"Whatcha readin?"

"Fucking raw sh-!" Loona jerked and snarled at the giggling Imp that was sitting on the corner of her desk. "Don't fuckin' do that! Damn."

"Ohh, that is one o' them fancy beginner's dark mystic books, right? Does it have a centerfold in it?" She grinned.

"Why woul-No, Millie. It doesn't have a centerfold in it." Loona rolled her eyes. Not that she'd be interested in that. ..Maybe. It depended on the model they chose.

"Then, what are you reading it for?" Oh, Fatty seemed to decide it was time for him to join in on the conversation.

"To learn, dumbass."

"But…Hellhounds can't use magic." Both Imps tilted their heads. The fuck-Were they being fucking serious?! Loona growled at them.

"Who the fuck do you think has been operating your portals?"

"That's the Grimoire." Fatty crossed his arms. "It's a focus. Even Imps can use it. Probably why you have a human disguise, too, since that's the lowest and easiest form of magic."

"Do you have a human disguise?" Loona snarled.

"Th…That's neither here nor there." He looked away with his arms crossed. "The perk of our job is to utilize our Hellborn status to drive fear into the hearts of—"

"No, you don't. Thought so." She scoffed and went back to her book. There was a diagram that had several hand gestures to utilize as a focus. One-handed magic? Fuck yes, a simple exercise. Loona lifted her left hand as she looked over the instructions. (1) Hand upright, bend ninety degrees at wrist, turn toward face, back upright with palm to target, curl claw to palm, index and middle claws triangulate to thumb, curl together to touch tips then spread and—

A small, bright white light flickered into existence. It was a smoky little wisp, a non-sentient construct of pure magic. Thin barely perceptible strings of energy connected it to the tips of her curled claws. Loona grinned at the little thing that she'd made and began to experiment. Moving her claws didn't do more than tug on the 'strings', but it seemed content to try and remain in the middle. Pinching the claws together collapsed the wisp, and she felt thirsty.

She smirked at Fatty, whose jaw was now on the floor.

"I'm sorry, what shit were you saying? Hellhounds can't..?"

"Tha-that shouldn't...There's never been...I just…" he flopped to the floor in a dead faint. Serves him right.

"Unholy shit." Millie mumbled. "Wait until Blitz hears about this."

As if on cue, the Head Asshole in Charge kicked the door to the office open and grinned like a madman.

"I've got a well paying job and we're all needed to do it, yesterday! Get off your lazy fat ass, Mox! We got an old rich fucker to kill!" Oh, sweet, maybe she could arrange another coffee meet up? Most rich humans tended to have guards and they took a hot second for the idiots to mow through. Before she could pull her phone out to message her boyfriend, Blitzø pointed at Loona. "Loony, pack the magic book, because you're coming along, too!"

What? …Oh, this had to be a joke. Bad one at that. She snorted and went back to her studying.

"Not happening."

"Loona." Goddammit, what–? Aw, fuck, no! He actually looked serious! He crossed his arms and leaned forward with an arched brow. "If you ever did get serious with someone, what did we agree to?"

"...Serious wi—No. No, are you fucking kidding me?!" Loona shot to her feet. Her claws dropped the book from her hands and tore into her reception desk. "That arrangement came up way back when I first moved in!"

"And it's stood as a house rule ever since!"

"You can't be fucking serious." She snarled. He smirked.

"As serious as a fucking door sock." The Imp leaned back and examined his nails. "If either of us got serious with someone, to promote a healthy relationship, we'd take one day a month and do some father-daughter bonding for the entire day. Written, signed, and sealed in blood."

"I think...that I legitimately hate you, Blitzø." She growled as her tail went limp in defeat. He grinned.

"All the more reason for this forced family fun! Now grab your shit! We got an old guy to knock over before Father Time beats us to it!"

Elderly millionaire Lyle Lipton sighed as the forces of Heaven and Hell argued in his room. All he wanted to do was die. He had no family, no heirs, his money would be absolved by the banks and distributed accordingly - trickle down economics, and all - and his body just didn't want to keep going. He tried suicide, but three little angels came in to stop him. Then came the demons.

Was this a drug induced hallucination? A last message from God?

Elsewhen, at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, a four-eyed, well-dressed individual suddenly stopped mid sip of wine and burst into laughter. When it dwindled down to giggles, they took another sip of wine. They lowered the glass of wine in their hand and smiled at the barkeep.

"Hey, h-e-y," they said to him around a snicker. "Do you want to hear a hilarious joke?"

Regardless, Lyle Lipton was certain he wanted it to end. If only so that he could make his eight inch dick and prostate work again.

The only one that had no input on the matter was a growling grey hellbeast of some kind that stood in the corner of the room, glaring at something in her hand. She - or a very curvy he - was Lyle's favorite thus far; fuck the rest of the world and focus on herself. Great attitude, he supported it.

"There's so much he can do with his life!"

"Oh, what a crock." The big possum-like Imp pointed at Lyle. "That old shithead is seconds away from keeling over! Either step up and give him some fountain of youth shit or step aside and we can fucking end his suffering!"

"Wow, Sir. That's a rather positive twist for you-"

"Moxxie, shut the fuck up. Loony!"

The hellbeast looked up with a sigh. "What?"

"Kill this fucker so we can go home!"

Finally, merciful death at the hands of a beautiful creature—oh fuck, those were some sharp claws. This was going to hurt! …If only his penis worked right now…

"No! We won't let you!"

Lyle sighed as the cherubs swooped in and carried him out of the way at the last moment. He was set astride the precariously unbalanced wardrobe his father hand carved many years ago. He'd meant to get it fixed, but...well, it was a costly endeavor that he never found worth pursuing.

"You'll just unleash a Hellhound on this poor, old soul?! Seriously? How low do the Imps of Hell fall?" The yellow lamb asked, clearly aghast and disgusted with the demons..

"As low as we fucking need to go to get paid, dipshit! Mox, Mils, formation Fuck That One Thing In Particular!" The tall Imp drew two pistols and took aim at Lyle, who held his arms open, ready for the end. The smaller duo ran from either of his sides toward him, the white cat with a rifle and the black one with a massive fuck off axe.

"Yes, sir!" "You got it, Blitz!"

"No! No! No! Heaven's plans for Lyle Lipton are too important!"

"Heaven's plans?" The yellow and black sheep looked at their 'leader'…Clem? Lyle stopped caring. He just wanted it to be over.

"You didn't hear that-"

"Sounds to me like it's all the more reason to off this shithead!" The possum cackled as he fired round after round at them. One grazed the black sheep's wing and he dropped.

"No! Collin!"

The cherub hit the ground with a sickening thud, but rose with a groan, a wing dropped golden blood on the floor.

"..shit.." the 'leader' hissed. Lyle would've asked why, if he didn't see a smoke start on the wood flooring he imported from his childhood home, the same flooring that was in his parents' room. A symbol that resembled a pinwheel swirled into existence, and a crimson circle rose up from it. It expanded and then exploded, knocking the demons and Hellbeast back. From where the lamb stood, now holding him was a pale man in a dark suit, with feathery black hair.

The lamb in his arms trembled as the man stared down at him.

"Oh, who the fuck is this, now?" The possum asked with a scowl as he shoved the lamp shade off of his head.

"R-R-Raquel." the lamb, Collin, stammered.

"Raquel!?" Both the cherubs holding Lyle up dropped him back onto his father's unsteady wardrobe and clung to each other.

"Raquel?" The two small demons repeated while the Hellbeast pulled herself out from beneath the mattress that slammed into her.

"Rachel? ...Not exactly my first guess." The tall demon scratched his horns with his pistol. He shrugged and gave a toothy grin as he took aim at the man. "Well, unlike you holier-than-thou fucks, I don't discriminate. Eat lead, Rachel!"

The bullets pierced through Raquel/Rachel, two visible bloody holes appeared in his shoulder and chest respectively. Raquel/Rachel looked at the injured cherub, then at the demon. Then at Lyle's precarious position. Seeing his eyes, those endless kaleidoscopes, Lyle's own widened.

"Dr. Uchiha." He whispered, seeing the nobleman that had come to visit his mother on her deathbed all those years ago looking exactly the same...How?

"Lipton." Dr. Uchiha nodded at him and then set the small angel lamb down.

"Oh, fucking seriously?! Can't you angelic fuckers see we're trying to kill this guy?" The taller demon asked around a snarl. Dr. Uchiha looked at him and then gestured at the hole in his shoulder.

"You need to work on your aim."

Witty as ever.

The demon disagreed and fired more rounds into Dr. Uchiha. They, like the first two, passed through and left him riddled with holes and blood. Dr. Uchiha sighed and gestured at his damaged person.

"That wasn't an invitation, Imp." He investigated the holes in his person with a frown. "Tsk, I liked this suit. It fit well."

"...Loona, if you kill him, you can go home."

"Fucking, finally." The Hellbeast – Hellhound? – snarled and rushed at Dr. Uchiha. A mistake, really, for the good doctor was not a medical specialist. Nor was he an academic in the traditional sense. He was a doctor...of the occult. A last resort his father called in to cure his mother, a resort that led nowhere.

A crack and a yelp was followed by a crash.

Apparently, he was also a martial artist, judging by the flawless judo hip toss that sent the Hellbeast through his wall.

"...Uh, sir, I don't think this guy is an angel." The white cat mused.

"Who gives a fuck what he is!? Let's kill him so we can kill our target and go home!"

"Lipton is a target?" Dr. Uchiha asked. He looked at Lyle, who met his gaze. "You are aware of this."

"I welcome it, sir. I've been alive too long."

"...Wait, Mr. Lipton, don't–!" The small angel called out to him.

"Very well." Dr. Uchiha held his hand up and pinched his fingers together. "Goodbye, Lipton."

"Goo–"

He burned before the word finished and then he fell.

"...Raquel...You...You just murdered that man!" The humanoid cherub screamed at him. Sasuke glanced at the sobbing little angel. Then looked back at the charred corpse that was once a rotund child, not understanding why his mother was dying.

"No. He asked me to end his suffering, and so I did. Do you not care that your companion is injured?" He gestured at the lamb trying to crawl away from his side. The Sharingan swirled and his movement slowed. "He might recover, if you take him back to Heaven."

"...Sera, save us..." the golden lamb whimpered and clung to the humanoid. Sasuke almost smirked. Almost.

"Sera cannot save you. Sera cannot intervene. Sera...doesn't care."

"LIAR!" The little boy cherub cried. He glared at Sasuke, who arched his brow to invite this debate. "She cares! She cares about all of us!"

"Is that right? Is that what she told you, or is that what God told you?" The Cherubs froze. Sasuke closed his eyes and sighed. "As I thought. You know nothing of what the Divine plans, or the purpose behind your insititution."

"It's to protect and promote redemption and goodwill amongst man!"

"...Ugh, barf!" The Imp with two pistols groaned. Sasuke never agreed with a Hellborn more on something.

"That wasn't what I meant. I wasn't speaking of your little acronym," Sasuke said dryly. He shook his head. "This is a waste of my time. I only came here because Angelic blood spilled upon one of my seals. I will only ask again, do you wish to save your friend?"

"...Cletus," the golden lamb tugged at the boy's arm. Sasuke watched it and instead of a lamb, he saw a girl with pink hair and a blonde boy. They trembled and cowered and his shadow, his shade, that of a serpent covered them. His eyes narrowed and flashed red.

"You've taken too long. Your decision is made for you," a golden gate opened at the ceiling and a powerful wind sucked the Cherubs in. He huffed when the gate closed with a clang. "Nothing new for the pawns of Heaven."

"...What the fuck just happened?!" Sasuke turned to see the tall Imp still staring at him. The golden flintlock pointed his way. "What the fuck did you do to those little shitnuggets, why the fuck did you kill my target?! Oh, and again, who the fuck are you?!"

"I forget how curious the living are." Sasuke muttered before he smiled and unfolded his six dark wings. The Imp's eyes bulged and the other two gasped. "In order: You completed your contract; I sent the angels home; I answered his request and finally, I am the Angel of Vengeance, Raquel the Fallen Justice, The Sixth Watcher of YHWH, and Last of the Uchiha."

"...I understood about a third of what the fuck he just said. Anyone fucking get any of that shit?!" The Imp asked. Sasuke rolled his eyes. Typical Hellborn. He shifted, and in a blink held the Imp aloft and tightened his hand around its neck. The Imp choked. "Gack! Fuck! Fast, kinky fucker! Take me to dinner first, at least!"

"Why is everything always a sex thing?" Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Wait. I know you...you were at the beach. Come to think of it..." His eyes widened as he turned toward the sound of creaking wood and the rumbling growl with it. A smile spread across his face and he tossed the Imp aside to face the Hellhound crawling through the hole she'd made moments before. "I thought you looked familiar."

"Fuckin' creep." The Hellhound growled. She tumbled through the hole and charged at him on all fours.

...Huh, that's nostalgic. He backed away and sidestepped her clawed slashes. Each one made his smile grow wider and wider. It reminded him of that day, the day that changed everything. The day where he achieved his goal and lost it all over again. Instead of a Hellhound, he saw a red-shrouded boy. A friend. His best friend.

Clarity struck like a stab. An overreaching slash was caught at the wrist. He closed his eyes.

"That's enough." Sasuke muttered. He opened his eyes and glared into the eyes of the Hellhound. She froze, her other hand in mid-swing, caught in his hypnotic gaze. A second and he ended it, tossing her away and causing her to crash through the door. "You're not what I'm looking for. You're nothing."

"Loona! Keep your hands off of my daughter you–!"

"This farce is over. You overstay your welcome, Hellborn," Sasuke snarled at him as black fire spread from his feet to encase the room. "All of you: back to Hell."

The Imps and Hellhound were sent down.

Sasuke remained alone in the house until the last block burned to ash.

He looked up at the cloudless sky, and his lips curled up.

"And now...the board is set."

(1) Elliot, from The Magicians, "I'm a Supervillain." Less lightning-esque, more of a wisp.

AN: Another short one on a Tuesday! Guess who FUCKING hates Tuesdays?!

THIS GUY!

Ugh. Remember blah-blah-blah, yadda, yadda, yadda..

AN2: Alright guys, sour news. Gotta go do some actual adult shit for the rest of the week in another state, so this will be a VERY brief hiatus. Even if there is an update Thursday (7/18), then the next update will be Sunday (7/21) at the latest.