AN: Play that kazoo, Steve! We got some cookies of the cyber variety to hand out! Tech-nin, Silent Discord and ghust95, you three are today's winners!
ghust95 - it wasn't DevilArtemis' variant, but it was Kermit the Frog and you were the first to drop the name. That counts! Enjoy your cookie.
Tech-nin - Got that Stitch reference! So happy such a classic is still recognized to this day ...Fuck, I'm old.
Silent Discord - My bro! YES! Hades was the big subtle reference spanning two, now three, chapters! Goddamn, if I hadn't wasted so much time playing that shit...Well, I wouldn't be on this site, I don't think.
Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
One Knuckleheaded Glutton
Chain Hang Low
Hellborn came in many shapes and forms, this was known, and their reproductive cycles – depending on the species – were low, hence the need for Sinners. This was all known. There were some, however, that came from before Hell was even a concept, before it was a separate reality from YHWH's World of Man. These Hellborn were the creatures known as Demons, before Sinners took claim to the word. Now, they are simply legends.
Among their number are those who hold no allegiance to Lucifer and his ilk, but do not interfere. In return, they are granted amnesty and property. Some share the latter with the Sins – through arrangements of convenience or long-held alliances – but there were few times a Sin felt encroached on. To date, not one Sin has won any challenge for the prospective expansion of their territory against these neutral parties.
Lobo and his pack, the nomadic Coin-Shìthe, are one such entity. They own the lands outside of the Rings of Hell, as both sentries – as they are also considered enemies of Heaven, despite a neutral stance on the 'war' – and deterrents against any souls that would try to invade. They are commonly found crossing the unforgiving wastes of Wrath, the hiking snow-blown mountains of Sloth, and traversing through the ferociously gorging foliage of Glutty. For the most part, they keep their distance, but if pressed...they will fall upon unfortunate souls like a force of nature. There is no knowledge of how the pack keeps its numbers or expands, but theories are abundant.
Cerberus, the Guardian Hound of Hades and the Underworld, is another that is considered neutral, but more aligned with the Hellborn than the last. He/They claim the Corridors of Hell as his domain. The abandoned passageways that would lead mortals or gods to the realm of the dead were theirs to maintain and patrol. The once strong union of Cerberus and Beelzebub was eagerly anticipated by many, including Lucifer and Lilith, and none were more disappointed the relationship dissolved than the King and Queen. Though their original presence and purpose among the royal family was forgotten by the ever expanding masses of Hell, Hellhounds new and old revere the ancient Cerberus on the same divine pedestal as many Imps would hold Satan.
There are more, many more, entities that rule the unknown spaces past the Seven Rings of Hell. Forgotten gods, slumbering monsters, and creatures once considered men, but there is not enough time in existence to go through them all. One last, the focus shall fall on, a result of union between Magic, Man and Beast. Considered a key part of old stories, a pinnacle of an adversary that challenged both the mind and body of his foe, we come to The Champion of Elysium.
Small, golden eyes were glued to the screen before him as they had been for the past fifteen minutes, five of which were filled by an unheard conversation between the two. They watched the battle between The Demon and a Duke without faltering interest. One eye would blink shut and open fully before the other would dare do the same, lest one instant be lost. A steady breath was the only hint of sound outside of the clash captured by the will of Wrath.
The Oni's massive sword was halted by the Duke's bare palms and pierced by the claws on the digits, the latter was sliced into and the former's cracks healed upon contact with the spilt blood. The Duke paid no mind to his injuries – for what was a cut when compared to the burns from the most sadistic of the Furies' blazing whip? What was pierced flesh compared to the organ-crushing kicks from a creature that swam down to Hell from the Mississippi River? – and hauled himself from the ground to drive his hind-paws into the Oni's bandaged face. The blade and its owner slid back, and the Duke landed on his sliced palms with a snarl, quick to swing around so as to not leave his back exposed.
Golden eyes watched near-unmoving, but his fingers tightened around the pommel of the weapon that rested beneath them, eager to swing its might into the flesh of his challengers. The Oni followed with another rushed overhead swing that crashed into the ground and split the stone beneath their feet. Avoided, but obviously planned for, as The Oni used his now stable weapon as a lure, to force a counter. The Duke fell for it, a fish out of water, clearly more comfortable with some ability that was taken from him – as was often the case with most Pit Participants; only the most Prideful or mindless Wrathians dove to the Pit – and was therefore unprepared for the Oni to abandon his weapon and catch the Duke mid-lunge. The Duke's spine was driven into the hilt of the bastard sword – which snapped the blade from its stable stone impalement - before he was tossed over the Oni's shoulder in a suplex-like maneuver.
The Duke crashed into one of the cobwebbed chandeliers that swung overhead and brought it down with him to the ground. He landed in a heap, his breathing shallow, while the Oni went to retrieve his prized weapon and examined the damage. Despite it being down a quarter of its length, the Oni dragged it over to the Duke's prone body.
A smile spread across the face of the fallen prince. He'd seen the Duke's left arm shift while the Oni's back was turned. It was only when the Oni rose and dropped his blade in an effort to bisect the Duke did the Foxfiend suddenly revive. The obsidian chain that once held the ancient chandelier above the two fighters was spread between the Duke's claws and stopped the blade's edge. Two digitigrade feet dug into the Oni's exposed stomach and launched him away, where he crashed through two pillars.
"Finally." The Champion of Elysium felt his muscles flex and relax in anticipation.
He so loved challengers that improvised and used their surroundings to their advantage. His physical excitement was to be witnessed by all – if any were there to see his massive magnificence in its full glory – as The Duke rose to his feet with the chain still in hand. The Duke's chest, arms and shoulders tensed as he pulled the heavy, and dented, chandelier up and began to spin it like a flail.
The Oni had only gotten back to his feet as the improvised chain-weapon crashed into his head and was knocked away from his weapon. The rusted and old chandelier shattered, leaving only a large, thick base the ornament hung from and chain for the Duke to work with. The Duke's eyes shone bright white as he stalked toward the rising Oni, chain spinning fast at his side once more, before he then swung his weapon again. The Oni fell after the impact, clutching his dominant arm that now hung at a low angle.
"Yes..." One of the Champion's hands fell from where it clutched the pommel of his prized weapon to stroke himself. His mouth parted by hotter and hotter breath as he watched the Duke bring his flail down over and over onto the Oni's body. As blood splatter darkened the stone floor and the Duke's fur, fully released his weapon's pommel to reach over and press a button on a nearby remote. The Oni was withdrawn, his sword to be recovered by a servant at a later date, and The Duke was given reprieve to advance.
The Champion pressed another button, an option between a chalice, a fish, and a gold coin appeared. Satisfied as the announcer declared The Duke's victory, the Champion let his eyes drift shut and focused on the strokes of his tool. The vicious battle he witnessed and the efforts put in by both participants got his blood hot. He stopped stroking himself and panted for a moment before another button was pressed.
"Bring the Oni in."
A minute passed and The Champion sat, eyes glued to the screen across from his throne. The doors to his chambers opened behind him and there was a clatter and wheeze as The Oni was brought in, his weapon thrown aside by one of the servants. The Champion held his head high and kept his gaze on the Duke, watched as he entered a 'Rest' zone and all but collapsed on the bale of hay he could use to sleep in. A number scrawled across the screen as the Oni was dragged to The Champion's feet.
"Nine days without sleep. Impressive." The Champion hummed and held a hand up. "Leave us."
The servants, bastard descendants of his who took after him, walked out without a word. The doors closed with an echoed slam. The Champion looked down at the Oni, labored breaths followed by coughs of blood that marred his floor. His eyes narrowed.
"Rise, Zabuza."
"...Can't...Breathe...Asshole..."
"That is not my problem." Golden eyes shone. "Rise."
"...Fucker..." His good arm shook as it was forced to lift his body and stood. One beady eye of the Oni glared at him, the other swollen and closed, and labored breaths left his cracked if not broken jaw while blood dripped from every orifice on his face. "There...Standing..."
The Champion adjusted his chiton and unleashed his length to be beheld. The Oni looked down at it, then back at him. His good eye widened. The Champion propped his chin on a hand.
"Kneel."
"...fuck...Ca-Can't this–" he turned his head, he knew better than to cough on The Champion, and then looked back. "Can't...this wait...Until I...heal?"
"I. Said. Kneel." The Champion's lip curled. "Or would you rather I bring him in?"
"...Shit..." The Oni knelt, his usable hand braced on The Champion's massive thigh to steady him during the descent, though the arm quaked. Through strained grunts and labored breaths, his mouth widened. Without prompting, the Oni descended and engulfed the swollen head in a single effort. A well trained thing, this Oni.
The Champion closed one eye as blood and spittle dripped down his cock. In a second. his draped hand grabbed the Oni's head and pushed. The gurgled and gagged protest was ignored, as were the pitiful nails that dug into his thigh. The Champion of Elysium snorted steam as he forced the once proud assassin to fellate.
"Yes...Good...The Duke you faced. I know you have history–" A strained grunt, a protest? It didn't matter. The Champion of Elysium brought the assassin down further, his length visible in the weaker demon's throat. "He is strong, he will be a worthy foe. A better prize. Pray that he doesn't disappoint me in battle, for he may just be the one to replace you. Now swallow."
After all, no one denied the Cretan Bull.
It was three weeks into a punishment, and Lucifer always did things to upset the system. A solid fortnight was too expected and he had too much on his plate for weekly updates. The fatalistic fantastic rubber duck coalition wouldn't create itself, after all. Still, it was a punishment he issued and there was like a week left, so he should check in to make sure Bee's brother actually wasn't a rotting corpse. He didn't feel like dealing with a mourning Queen Bee. Last time he had to deal with that...actually, come to think of it, he's pretty sure Lilith took care of that.
Fuck, he definitely had to make sure the brat was alive.
A jaunty trip down to Wrath – with a head's up text to Lucia, who was overseeing the punishment since Satan was a fucking good for nothing second-in-command – via Seal of Sin portal and he found a whole television operation in the works.
"Uncle Lucy!"
Lucifer blinked and stumbled back as a small, nude, humanoid red...creature slammed into his leg. She grinned up at him and a serpentine tongue flicked up.
"Did ya come to watch the Elysium Fights with us?! Didja? Didja?!"
"...Of course!" The King of Hell chuckled and patted the child's head before he glared around at any onlooker. His smile became strained as he met the eyes of one waldo-looking Imp. "Who the fuck is this child and why is she in here?!"
"Well, I'll be blessed. She actually found you first." A thump had Lucifer look up to find Satan's – Fifth? Sixth? – wife in all her thicc, naked glory. Her wings folded behind her and she crossed her arms. "Satina, get off of the King of Hell."
"Aw, alright." The little red nudist in the making ran over to her mother. Was she even nude? There wasn't a sign of genitalia, not that Lucifer looked for that sort of thing on the average underaged Hellborn, but it was noticeable that she didn't have any. Almost like she was made to be a cartoon character or something. Weird. She bounced on her clawed feet and smiled wide. "Hey, hey, if Uncle Lucy is here, can Daddy come watch the fights with us?!"
"Absolutely not." Lucia deadpanned. She bent down and hissed something in Ancient Serpentine – he should get on fixing that Translator Quackster Duck – that made the young Hellborn slump her shoulders and pout. The elder drake arched one of the ridges above her eyes. "Don't you make that face at me, young lady. Do you remember our agreement?"
"Stay in the corner, stay quiet, and don't get in the way." The little mongrel repeated with a tired sigh. Preach kid.
"That's right. You have one more hour until showtime, and then you can watch the fights with Mommy and...Uncle Lucy, if he deems it worth his time. Okay?" Satina nodded morosely, but Lucia smiled and flicked her tongue out to wash over the now giggling child's face. "Good. Now, back to your corner."
"Okay, Mommy. Later, Uncle Lucy!" The girl ran off to a corner in the room that had quite a lot of colorful and soft things...that did not look cheaply made. Which meant they weren't from Hell. ...His eyes narrowed as he wondered who the child's actual parent was.
Lucia cleared her throat and he looked back at her. Uh-oh, that was a pair of Mama-Dragon eyes. Lilith had those back when Charlie was still his little pri – Don't kid yourself, Lucifer, she'll always be your little princess. Anyway, the point is he needed to not make her think he had anything ill in mind against the kid. Angelic power he might have, but that's been stress tested against the might of an angry mother.
Poor Uriel never walked the same after that conversation with Mary – it was hilarious, but still.
"What a cute little scamp she is!" Lucifer forced a chuckle as he brushed his boot off. Cute, yes. Clean? Up for debate. ...Debate over: the answer is Fuck no! Ugh, how was every child aside from his Charlie a little germ goblin? He settled his cane down and looked up at Lucia. "You must be so proud."
"Sir, don't patronize me. She's a menace."
Yeesh, that screamed her position as a practitioner of tough love. Lucifer wasn't a fan of the practice, but he was just a smidge biased.
Lucia turned and began to walk to the front of the room, and he followed. He was happily married – just temporarily separated! – but damn, that was a cake. Satan and apparently Mammon were indeed lucky bastards to have sampled it.
"So, what's with the rushed production?" Lucifer looked around as several Imps and Lesser Hellborn scrambled and bickered. "I thought the Elysium Fights lasted until the night of the Harvest Moon, that's still a week out."
"Six days, actually." Lucia corrected him as she grabbed a giant notepad and flipped through it. "The reason for our haste is due to your donated soul."
"What, is he burning out?" He's surprised the brat lasted so long. Granted, he thought the initial entry levels of The Pit would have done him in, but his advancement
"No, it's worse. He's thriving."
"...I'm sorry, what?" Lucifer's smile tightened. Lucia looked down at him and put a hand on her cocked hip.
"He's tearing through Elysium at record speed. If he keeps his pace, the show will be over before The Harvest Moon Festival and at that point, we'd have wild and rowdy Wrathians without an annual outlet to direct their bloodlust," she said. Lucifer grimaced, yeah, a bunch of hopped up Wrath-born without anything to channel it into – be it screaming for proxy fighters or picking bar fights over highlight reels – would put Paimon's chosen heir at risk, and that would risk Lucifer's relationship with the Ars Goetia King. That was not a fight he wanted to have again, it was exhausting. With Heaven so unreasonably bloodthirsty lately, it wasn't a fight he could afford either.
"Alright then tranq him! Hit him with a dart, knock him out with a brick, I don't care how it's fucking done, just slow him down!"
"He's already survived nine days without sleep and we've drugged him twice with the supplied food in Rest Arenas, but that only put him out for a few hours apiece. And before you suggest he didn't ingest enough, the amount of food he has eaten would easily be enough to put Bee-Lzebub into her Digest Mood for a week."
"How do y–"
"She confirmed it herself." Lucia rubbed her face. "She's ecstatic he's eating so much, though. Something about a healthy appetite, I stopped listening when I heard someone whimper on the other end."
"Typical fucking foodie," Lucifer snorted. He pursed his lips and looked up in thought. "Oh! Did you lace the R–?"
"Yes." Lucia deadpanned. "We drugged the stupid noodles. Enough to kill every living horse on Earth five times over!"
"Seriously? What did you use?"
"Rohypnol."
"Roofies? Hm...The narcolepsy!" He clapped his forehead and dragged a hand down. "Ugh, so stupid...He's probably unaffected because of his condition."
"Narcoleptic? Him? Sir, did you miss the part where I said he was awake, slaughtering his way through Elysium for nine days straight?"
"No. It's just what we've taken to call his condition for Satan and Mammon's benefit." Lucifer shook his head. "He'll be fine, the drugs must be out of his system at this point. Is there anything else?"
"Well, he does have a price on his head."
"...And how is that panning out?"
"Every assassin or would-be hitman that has tried to get near him has either fallen to the Elysium system or to his own hands."
"That tracks." Lucifer pursed his lips. "Keep an eye on it for now. If anyone tries anything that goes anywhere–"
"We've already traced a bet in Duke Lzebub's favor to Marquis Andrealphus of the Ars Goetia." Lucia noted. Ah, the brother to the publicly humiliated wife of Prince Stolas, how convenient for him to place a bet such as that right as a hit was put out on the Foxfiend?
"Alright, that's good news! We know who to blame if the little shit does die and Bee finds out about the hit before we can break the news to her!"
"That wouldn't be the issue."
"Oh?"
"He's almost made it to the semi-finals, Lord Lucifer."
"...And?" Lucifer blinked. Lucia sighed as she rubbed her temples with one hand.
"Sir? Permission to speak candidly?"
"You haven't been?"
"The Champion wants to fight him."
Lucifer's eyes widened and he choked on his spit.
"I beg your pardon?"
"The Champion of Elysium wishes to fight the Duke of Gluttony."
"...Well, tell him no! No! Obviously! In fact! Tell him exactly these words, ahem: Fuck no." Lucifer deadpanned. He didn't care how old or supposedly powerful The Champion was. He was in Lucifer's employ as an Agent of Hell, that meant Lucifer called the shots. Not The Champion.
"I tried." Lucia shook her head. "He's already interfered in two of his fights. Once was to save The Oni–"
"Is he still down there? ...I thought he died years ago." Lucifer rubbed his chin.
The Oni was a relatively powerful assassin that allied with the Sins early in their reign. Back then, Lilith and Lucifer had used him more than once to quell any possible uprising that may have been in the works: the efforts were surprisingly effective, given the rulers that were still in place. Since their disappearance following a disgraceful loss to The Champion almost fifteen years ago, Lucifer thought him dead.
"No. He's alive. Thanks to The Champion's interference." Lucia said. She looked at a nearby pair of Imps. "Donnelly, Daniels, bring up yesterday's In Memoriam for The Oni."
"Yes, ma'am!"
Lucifer watched the screen and watched Naru-Lzebub fight against a trained assassin like it was child's play. He blinked at the strength behind some of the blows early on – one camera was overloaded – and then whistled when the young Foxfiend was thrown into the air. The following chain-assisted beatdown was gruesome, but well earned and rather beautiful.
The end to the fight via emergency recovery portal? Not so much.
"Well, the one thing he's got on the bastard is age."
Ugh, and that reminded him; Bee was throwing a Millennium Celebration for the little shit's next birthday. It was mandated he attend such an event and he was a tad pissed that this young upstart beat Charlie to her first. Seven Times, if Belphegor's carbon dating of the little fucker's egg was right.
"Yes," Lucia crossed her arms. "The second time The Champion interfered was here. Bring up this morning's clip for In Memoriam."
He looked at another screen that was brought up. The same chain used to fend off The Oni was now wound around his neck as he was physically choked by a large bear-like demon. Volos looked good for a snarky ruskie-sounding sonovabitch, and clearly he hadn't skipped days at the gym. He was an up and coming Halva from the far reaches of Sloth that opted to go to Elysium almost a year ago. He'd not made it very far, only to tenth place, but now he was in it to win it. He was choking The Foxfiend and then the lights in the arena went out. When they came back on, Volos' arm was sliced off and The Foxfiend was coughing for air. The fight ended with Naru-Lzebub suffocating Volos with his chain and then stalking off through another door.
"He handicapped one of the Duke's opponents." Lucia gestured at the screen. "That was this morning, and if the games start to look fixed, for any participant to make it through, we could have a Ring-wide riot on our hands!"
"How is that any different from how Wrath usually operates?"
"I'm talking about an organized riot, sir. Not to mention how Bee-Lzebub would react and retaliate."
"Do you think it's a play for power?" Lucifer asked, a frown now on his face.
He didn't like it when his subjects acted out of character. Unpredictability could lead to problems with Heaven, problems with Heaven could lead to a hurt Charlie. As he'd sworn on her day of birth, when he first held her in his arms, he would never let anything hurt Charlie if he could help it.
"It's clear that he wants to fight The Duke of Gluttony." Lucia folded her arms. "Perhaps we should...Make a show out of it."
"Oh?"
"A four-way semi-final, live. The day before Prince Stolas' celebration and the Harvest Moon Festival. If we get some support from Mammon–"
"We could broadcast it across the Rings! Wrathians love it when they can brag about shit like that! ...Right?" Lucifer asked. He was the Pride Sin, not Wrath. He didn't know what Wrathians liked. Aside from violence, violence and, oh yeah, more violence.
"More or less, sire."
"Then let's do it! Get word to the Champion that he'll get his fight on the Harvest Moon Festival before Stolas' little magic show takes place–Or after it. We'll check in with the bird-boy–" Lucifer stopped and cupped his chin. "Oh, shit, we should make sure he's there sooner rather than later. Set him up nearby – actually, bring the whole family. Let's let his bitch wife know we're onto her little scheme."
"I'll arrange for a stay of sanctuary for them."
"Keep them with you."
"...What."
"You're a wife of Satan, you've got nice digs, and you've got a kid of your own. They can be friends! Everyone needs more friends." Lucifer shrugged and then pursed his lips. "I feel like I just stole someone's thing...meh."
"Very well, I'll...house the Prince and his family." Oh, she sounded so fucking thrilled! Lucifer should get cameras in her place and watch–Wait, no, there was a literal child on site. That would not end well for him. "What do you want us to do for the semi-finalists?"
"Announce them tomorrow and smuggle them out of Elysium. Start with the brat, keep him isolated and entertained. Ramen should work."
"Yes, sire."
Loona perked her ear up and lowered Naruto's phone as she heard a jostle of keys at the door to her and Blitzø's apartment. It had been a week since Bee's prank – the recording of which, unfortunately, was sent out before she got her hands on the phone – and the explanation for it was because Naruto's birthday came a month after the Harvest Moon Festival.
She had been thinking about things to get him and got a little sidetracked when she realized there were things she could do for him instead of just buying him something he might not like.
He wasn't supposed to be back until tomorrow, Loona scowled as she pulled her claws from between her legs. She had just gotten started on another fun fantasy, too. She looked at the selfie on the screen of her boyfriend's phone – fresh from a post-workout shower with a towel resting on his head, his wonderfully wide tongue stuck out in a small blep as he gave the camera a wink; doofus her boyfriend was, but he was a cute and sexy doofus – and then locked it. She took another inhale of his scent from the phone and whined.
One week. Just one more week. She nosed the phone one last time in a pseudo-Boop – which so wasn't the fucking same – and then set it beside hers on her nightstand.
"Loony, pack your shit! We've got an all expense paid company trip that leaves tomorrow!" Blitzø shouted as he burst into their apartment.
Company trip? Loona rolled her eyes as she pulled one of her boyfriend's shirts on – the one good thing that came from him being whisked away by Bee as soon as they sent word to her? She could rifle through his stuff. The shirts he hadn't ripped off of her made for great sleepwear and had residual hints of his scent; shame she couldn't wear them in public, most of her issues would be solved – and then a skirt. She cracked the door to her room and poked her head out to find her adoptive father running around the apartment.
"Can I no–?"
"You have to go," he said as he scurried out from under the fridge. A series of thongs in one hand. She closed her eyes and tried to eradicate the image that was brought up from her memory. "It's Forced Family Fun!"
"Sonovabitch." Loona growled. She pulled the door open. "That's a one day agreement!"
"Loony, if you come with us, I'll make sure not to bother you with it for the next few months." Blitzø said to her as he tossed some cowboy-themed boots into a suitcase. Well, with a deal like that, how could she say no?
"Alright, where are we going?" He looked at her and Loona crossed her arms. "I want to know what to pack, dipshit."
"Oh, dress fancy, sweetie! We're shacking up with Mox n' Mils in Millie's folks' place in Wrath!"
"...We're going to Wrath?" Her ears perked and her tail swished. Naruto was in Wrath. She could go to Wrath and find Naruto in Wrath and get a Boop. Or a kiss. And a kiss? And a kiss. And maybe some heavy petting or more sex...Heavy Petting and sex? Yes. This is a good plan.
"Yep! Stolas got called over by the Big Dick In Charge for some star-gazing shit he has to do and offered to cover us financially to go along since, y'know, his book is our, uh, moneymaker." Blitzø rolled his hand awkwardly. He waved his hand at her. "Now go pack! We've got to get the van and the book before we meet up with Millie and her lesser half."
Loona didn't need to be told twice – she disappeared back into her room and grabbed the ugly ass rucksack Naruto had kept his stuff in back at Happy Hotel. It didn't smell as strongly of him as his shirts did, but it smelled close enough. Her clothes were packed in record time. She needed a way to kill time while she waited for Blitzø to finish.
An idea struck, a small bit of payback for the approval of his sister's prank that severely embarrassed her, she hopped over her bed to grab her phone and then her boyfriend's. She took a pic of herself in her mirror to first post online on her account. A bunch of thirst posts would be made later that she'd ignore, while others commented on the shirt – as expected – and who the original owner was. Then she posted a slightly different picture to Naruto's account, with help from a timed photo.
To his followers, OrangeFuchsRamen was still active and just going on a nostalgia trip, various old pictures she or Bee had scrounged up were posted on his account. The fact that he posted a picture of Loona perched alluringly on her bed wearing his 'Beware of Sarcasm' shirt – which was what he wore in his last nostalgia post and what she wore in her own personal photo – that hung off of her shoulder and a skirt that wasn't visible in the pose she was in was sure to stir some shit. His phone started to blow up and she sat back and enjoyed the rolling comments. Until she got to one in particular.
SallieMayIWHOOPURASS Guys, how TF is he posting when he's dominating the Elysium Fights for the past three weeks? I think this account's been hacked!
...What?
AN: Oh yeah, it's all coming together.
I...got the dates mixed up.
Next weekend is when I'm seeing Deadpool & Wolverine.
So...the warning from yesterday stands!
NO. SPOILERS.
...STEVE...
Remember, it's just fucking Fan–I SEE YOU, STEVE! YOU PUT THAT PHONE DOWN!