he day after the execution of Lord Potter's old servant- friend (I think her name started with a R, or maybe an X), Ginny donned a hood and a cloak and snuck into a clearing in the forbidden forest. She pushed back her hood, letting her loose hair fall over her shoulders, and revealed she was actually Ginny all along?!

A man whinnied and Ronnikin Hood rode over on his horse.

"So, Ginny Weasley," asked Ronnikin, reins bundled in one hand, moustache hairs flowing in the breeze, a gallant figure indeed, "why do you need the assistance of the scary men a.k.a boggarts?"

"I need you to get transfer Hermione to Drumstrang," said Ginny, handing him a sack of galleons. "I can't let her give my quidditch captain a son."

"Okay, sure," said Ronnikin. "I can't pass up an opportunity to thumb my nose at the Lord Potter's Hogwarts, or to kidnap someone. But," he looked around and scanned the tops of the trees, "I must warn you about someone. My brother WonWon Hood. He's sort of my rival. He's always trying to one-up me. He may interfere with our plans."

Ronnikin slowly turned his head and looked directly into the camera.

"He's like me but sexier."

"You're not supposed to look at that," grumbled Ginny.

Ronnikin laughed. "Sorry, but I think the camera is as attracted to me as I am."

"Just get rid of Hermione."

Ronnikin cocked his head. His horse repeated the gesture.

"Who?" asked Ronnikin.

"I'm sorry, I mean Herblimey."

"Faith," exclaimed Ronnikin, "these women sound like they belong in Moaning Myrtle's toilet! But very well!"

"Just make sure this WonWon Hood doesn't cause any problems for us," warned Ginny.

"Of course." He lowered his voice confidentially. "Just between you and me, I believe WonWon is based on someone from real magical life."

"I don't care, you silly green man," said Ginny. "Just do what you're told."

Ronnikin looked down and wrinkled his forehead. "Of course." His face smoothed and he looked up. "Why didn't I think of that? Good bye!"

Ginny laughed once he had ridden off.

"Ahaha, soon no one will be able to stand in my way!"

Meanwhile, Ronnikin was deep in thought as his horse galloped down the forlorn forbidden forest path.

"I wonder what role my brother will play in this intriguing affair..." He cupped his chin and rubbed his head. But to do this he had to let go of the reins and his horse veered into the other lane and almost crashed into a peasant cart that'd been stolen by a pair of highwaymen.

"Watch where you're going!" one of the forbidden forest highwaymen cried from atop his horse, shaking a fist at him. "Jackass!"

"Whoops! Sorry!" called Ronnikin over his shoulder. He turned his attention back to the forest path and shook his head. "Well, now it's time to put my plan into action!"

Later that night the scarey men kidnapped Herwhiney secretly from Hogwarts castle and locked her in the top floor of a Slytherin tower deep in the Great Lake.

"Let me go!" cried Herwhiney. She swooned against the wall.

"Sorry, no can do," said Ronnikin, hands on his hips. He jerked his head at the guard at his side. "This guard will make sure you stay put."

Herwhiney straightened herself up against the wall and glared at Robin.

"I shall sweet talk in exchange for my freedom," she said nobly. "Even if it means sacrificing my honor."

Ronnikin turned away to leave and laughed. "I'd like to see you try!"

Once Ronnikin was gone, Herwhiney smiled seductively and went on about how much better she was than Ron, but bumped her forehead against something hard.

"Ouch!" She rubbed her head and scowled up at the guard. "What was that?"

"It's a male chastity belt," explained the guard. "Ronnikin Hood has forced me to wear it forever."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Herwhiney shook her fists at the heavens, still on her knees. She had evolved to get 95% of attention by hitting on random men in power with backaches. But now her powers were useless.

She sobbed and crawled into the bed in the corner of the room and hid her face under the $1,000,000 blankets, bemoaning her sorry fate. She ate chocolate and sipped lemonade until the bed's vibration function allowed her to drift off into an uneasy sleep.