"Fore!" a drunken voice shouted as a golf ball whistled over my head.

I ducked behind a bush, to make sure the `golfer' didn't spot me. Kelley pressed herself low against the dirt.

We waited, but a caddy didn't come, the golfer having moved on to some other location. We cautiously got out of hiding.

Just me and Kelley on that cliff. I seriously considered running away. Of course, I still had that annoying shock collar on, and Eddie lurked behind us somewhere with the clicker.

Heffalump peered furtively at us from behind some oversized ferns. He nibbled some with a dash of dressing, then disappeared from view.

I glanced around, anxious to not be overheard. "Say, you don't have any wire cutters, per chance?"

The look on her face said no.

"Scissors? Garden shears? Anything?"

Kelley only shrugged. "Sorry. I thought we were only gathering intel."

"So...let's go back to the trailer and look for some!"

She shook her head. "What, are you crazy? I didn't stow away on the boat just to hang out in a trailer all day! I want to see all this!"

I sighed in frustration. "...And you definitely aren't carrying like a Swiss army knife or anything.

"Nope. Sorry, Albert." She peered through a pair of binoculars the others left.

"What do you see?"

"They're sneaking over the laser fence. Dad's having some trouble with it." She paused. "He made it."

Kelley crept down the hill, in the direction the others had gone.

"Wait," I cried, hurrying after her. "Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna try to disable the fence so they can get out."

"Can't they just...jump back over?"

"Dad had a hard enough time getting over this time. He did this lame pole vaulting jump thing."

"You don't have any tools!"

"I spotted a tool box."

So downhill we traveled, careful to avoid the wandering glassy eyes of all the careless drunkards.

The fence...again, not Star Wars lasers, more like supermarket scanners that left smoking red dots like when you hold a magnifying glass over an ant for a long time. Not a great job at perimeter fencing, hence why my companions could get on some boulders and hop onto the roof of a vehicle to bypass the beams. It did seem a bit inconvenient for a man with an injured leg.

Through the fence, I could see the poachers' impromptu parking lot, and, beyond that, several steel cages housing dinosaurs.

Kelley located a Craftsman toolbox someone had left out, opening a yellow junction box nearby.

I leaned over her shoulder as she poked around with a screwdriver. "You...know what you're doing?"

She nodded. "I studied electronics."

"Oh...kay?" I pointed to the tin snips in her back pocket. "You mind if I borrow those scissory things for a minute so I can slip off this uncomfortable collar?"

Kelley pulled them out, making like she intended to cut a wire. "Sorry, Al. We don't have time right now. Maybe later."

"How much time would it really take to snip a collar off?"

"There's only one pair of these, and I need them right now."

I sighed in frustration as I watched her not use the tin snips on the fuse and wire system. "How complicated is this? Couldn't you just snip a couple wires and be done?"

"If I do this wrong, I could get electrocuted, or set off an alarm and alert the whole camp. It's not just burny things to keep out wildlife."

Although most the camp engaged in drunken revelry, a few random guys hadn't yet partaken in the fun...or at least had greater tolerance to alcohol. This one little dude, who bore a striking resemblance to a Mexican Joe Pesci, just happened to be grabbing a beer from a cooler when Kelley snipped the wires. "Hey! What the hell are you doing!"

Small of stature, bulbous (but crooked) nose, jowls, fairly resembling the `Sticky Bandit' from Home Alone. The man angrily clenched his fists when the lasers went dark. "I don't know how you got here, but you're going to pay for that!"

(Incidentally, he didn't see me because I'd been standing behind some trash barrels at the time. It probably would have played out differently if he had).

Crooked nosed Joe Pesci tried to slap an alarm button, but it didn't do anything. "You're gonna get it now, little girl!"

Unexpectedly, this gigantic man pushed me aside like a saloon door, grabbing Kelley by the wrist.

Okay, picture Spider Man villain, Kingpin, but brown, with a huge mustache, and wearing a khaki suit like that guy on Fantasy Island.

He grabbed her other wrist, snatched the tin snips out of her hand, and crushed the tool to pieces like a handful of soda crackers. So much for cutting my collar.

The man grinned as he applied that same crushing grip to Kelley's wrist. She let out a cry of pain.

Not sure what happened to Eddie during all this. Maybe the big man put him in a sleeper hold?

"Hey!" I shouted, reaching for her shoulder. "Don't be abusing kids!"

The man answered with a rear kick as powerful as a horse's, smashing me into the garbage cans.

When I got up, Joe Pesci Guy flashed his silver teeth, whipping out a pistol. He fired at me.

"Stop!" the big man growled. Heavy Dracula type voice, like an announcer on that Spanish radio station I always listen to. Maybe it was the same guy? "Escalito, we don't shoot dinosaurs! Bag and tag only!"

Taking advantage of the distraction, I picked up a two by four. "Hey! Golden Corral Mister Roarke!"

The big man turned his head. "Huh?"

I swung the board. It shattered spectacularly against the back of his skull, but his reaction...you would have thought I hit him with a paper towel tube.

A glittery sparkle of earrings drew my attention to the figure standing behind him. Kingpin's buddy had retrieved a tranquilizer gun.

I picked up a golf ball, hurled it at Bent Nosed Joe Pesci's head.

All those bored moments in my cage really paid off. The guy fell backwards on the dirt, groaning and clutching his skull.

Noticing how I'd just Home-Alone'd his friend, the big man dropped Kelley, whirled around and snarled at me with his hands outstretched.

I jumped and rabbit punched him in the face, but he didn't react...well, except to grab me around the neck like some kind of rascally alligator.

Kelley detached some sparking wires from the junction box. I pretended not to notice, instead pointing to the sky away from her. "Look, master! Deee pleeene! Deee pleeene!"

Baldy only narrowed his eyes like that sumo wrestler guy from James Bond, as he put me in a choke hold.

...All the way `til Kelley touched the cables to the sides of his neck, and he went night-night.

Don't know if you know anything about how electricity works, but I kinda went down with him. He was very conductive.

Fortunately, when we both stirred from the blackouts and little dancing lights, and I freed myself from his clutches, Kelley jolted him again. We quickly rushed past the deactivated fences.

...After I'd kicked Escalito in the head a few times, of course. He was getting up.

We found our associates lurking behind the vehicles at the edge of camp, Nick crawling under a Jeep with his trusty bolt cutters.

I squatted beside him, watching with fascination. "Whatcha doing?"

Nick banged his head on the chasis.

Sarah yelped, but Ian stifled the noise by covering her mouth. "What happened to staying back with the kid?" he hissed.

Then, noting Kelley trailing behind me..."And you! I told you not to move! How is this not moving?"

Kelley shrugged. "I saw you trying to pole vault the fence, so I thought I'd help by shutting it off. You're welcome."

Sarah spat. "Ian, when's the last time you washed your hands?"

We all froze at the sound of a dinosaur crying.

"What was that?" Ian whispered.

I glanced back into the jungle. "Sounds like...a really teeny Tyrannosaurus. Some parents just let their brats scream." I leaned over the Jeep. "So what are you doing down there?"

"Cutting the fuel lines. Shhh!"

Soon he had gasoline pouring out of all the poachers' vehicles, save for the junky one that had gotten all beat up and bashed in a few hours ago. I bet they would have disabled that one too, if Escalito and his friends hadn't been giving it a complete overhaul.

My associates moved on to the dinosaur cages. Nick stared at the collected prehistoric creatures, sizing them all up.

"Pssst! Weirdo!"

My eyes widened in shock. The poachers had captured my big Stegosaurus friend. "Spidey?"

"Get me out of this thing!"

Nick stepped in front of the bars, eagerly clicking his bolt cutters.

"I...think we're working on it."

"I demand you let me out of here!" a voice bellowed next to Orange Spider, large pointy horns ramming through the bars.

"Oh we've definitely got to free you!" Nick declared, pressing the bolt cutters to the lock.

I gave Orange Spider an apologetic smile. "We'll free you next."

"Albert, Kelley, go back to the trailer," Ian warned. "This is about to get ugly."

I crossed my arms, casting an expectant look at my caged friend. "Not without Spider."

"Don't worry. We'll get the Stegosaurus and the other guys. Just get out of the way."

I and Kelley stepped back as Nick opened my friend's cage and a few others.

The moment Orange Spider popped out, I gave him a big hug...Well, a small big hug, hugging a Stegosaurus is like hugging a pickup truck. "Where's the rest of your family? Are they safe?"

"Got everyone away safe, except for Red Sunset."

I frowned at the baby slowly ambling out of another cage. "C'mon, buddy. Let's go."

Junior didn't seem hurried.

"Hurry up or we'll get captured again!" Spider growled.

In Westerns, guys always slap a horse on the hindquarters to get them to gallop away from them. Red Sunset didn't appreciate it so much, looking at me with disgust.

"Sorry. Just saw a guy do it on a western. It means hurry up."

Junior moved...a tad bit faster.

I glanced at Kelley. "We should go."

The girl was too busy watching the Triceratops smashing through a tent. It did make a lot of crispity crunchity sounds. "And miss all this?"

I stared at the poachers running and screaming from the demolished structure. "I admit this is pretty entertaining, but wouldn't you prefer to escort a baby Stegosaurus out of camp?"

She glanced at Red Sunset and grinned. "Why didn't you—"

The rest got drowned out by more pounding, smashing and bashing sounds.

Agonizingly slow process, getting Junior to move. Spider kept having to lag back to keep him moving, at times biting the youngster's tail and dragging him.

"He should have named you `Pokey.'"

Kelley nonverbally agreed, pointing to a golf cart looking thing. "You think that will hold her?"

A tough sell, getting him to go on the thing. Spider didn't look confident, and Junior said it didn't look sturdy enough. I tried explaining the concept of a skateboard to her, but didn't quite convince her.

I tore off the canopy, donned some ill fitting aviator goggles I found on the seat, and drove a couple donuts around her.

Wagging her tail with excitement and smiling, Junior jumped on the back...honestly it reminded me of Grape Ape and his tiny VW Bus. It did speed our progress, though Kelley looked very annoyed at having to speed-walk alongside us.

I grabbed a stein someone had set out on a crate, and an opened can of beer they'd thoughtfully left beside it, and with my feet pressed on the pedal, poured myself a drink. Hey, not going faster than maybe a brisk jog.

Something exploded. Fires broke out everywhere. Absolute chaos. Dinosaurs scampered wild among the crowds of panicking hunters, oftentimes with painful results.

Ian, Nick and Sarah got separated in the crowd, Kelley staying with me only by grabbing hold of Junior's plates.

I guess the Triceratops took a tent through the fire pit, and, because Nick cut the fuel lines to the Jeeps, a lot of gasoline had been spread everywhere, and flames jumped up inside the fuel tanks. More explosions than the fourth of July (which, incidentally, I have never witnessed in its fullest, save for a small park based fireworks show from the window of my cell).

Afterwards, couldn't see anything on account of all the smoke, the dirt flying up on my goggles, the screaming hunters running to and fro around the golf cart.

A Jeep rolled past me (end over end, not on its tires).

I wiped my goggles, and I swear a guy in a beaver sports mascot suit came running by with his giant head on fire. A massive thing, wrapped in a flaming green canvas tent, gored the suit with its horns, sending the guy sailing over a stack of cargo containers. Ammunition exploded everywhere.

A tire rolled past me.

I lifted the stein to my mouth, but only received a mouthful of dirt. I slung its contents off the side of the golf cart.

It seemed it still retained a layer of beer underneath.

A guy had been smoking a few feet away. Upon receiving the splash of alcohol, his face spontaneously combusted. He screamed and ran around in circles, head aflame.

"Sorry!"

Had we gotten any nearer to the fences? Impossible to tell with the dark, all those smoke clouds and mobs of people.

I drove through a suitcoat on a clothesline. I could tell what kind of suitcoat it was when a pack of playing cards and a flock of pigeons came flying out. Red Sunset tried to say something to me about a rabbit, but she said this with a tophat over his face. She claimed she did find a rabbit, but I didn't see one when I looked back.

Ironically, someone's radio just happened to be playing Hocus Pocus by Focus.

Terribly exciting, finding a magician's coat. Still holding down the gas with my feet, I turned the coat around and stuck my arms through the sleeves. It ripped, converting it into sort of a vest, wherein I discovered a magic wand.

I tapped the magic wand to my collar, but instead of it freeing me, the wand only went limp like a noodle. I threw it away and grabbed the wheel.

Off to the side of me, Nick faced down Mustache Kingpin, fists raised. He swung, hit the man in the face. No effect.

The big man responded with a casual punch that dropped Nick to the ground.

"Nick!" Ian shouted as he limped out of the crowd.

He picked up Nick's bolt cutters, swinging them at Mustache Kingpin's head. The resulting clang made me wonder if we actually faced a robot.

Mustache Kingpin grabbed the weapon, smiled and bent it into the shape of a letter U.

The big man `gently' bonked Ian in the head with the `U', causing him to collapse on the soil.

Sarah came running at him with a football tacker, but the guy just swatted her aside like a pesky fly, and she was down.

I tried driving around him, but Mustache Kingpin just planted his big foot on the hood, and the golf merely spun its wheels and kicked up topsoil.

I gave Kelley a frantic wave, indicating she should run.

"Don't you need help?"

I glanced back and forth. "Fine. Look for someplace to hide. Get me a weapon or something."

She darted off behind a tent.

Throwing off my goggles, I climbed out of the seat, staring the man down.

He cracked his knuckles, popped his neck.

Ever since I donned the magician's coat, I'd felt something suspiciously heavy in the left pocket. When I drew it out, my foe jumped back in alarm.

A handgun!

I edged my claw around the trigger. "I don't want to hurt anybody. Not even you. I'm a fan of Jesus, okay? Let me and my friends out of here, and I won't use this."

The big guy kept making this face like he smelled a fart, glancing between my gun and my fancy suitcoat.

He gave me a slight smile and a twinkle of his eyes. The expression reminded me of Saint Nicholas puckering on a lemon.

The man made a sumo wrestler stomp closer to me, then another.

My claw gripped the weapon tighter. "I'm sorry, Mister Oddjob. I warned you!"

He only scoffed and did a Superman pose.

I pulled the trigger and let him have it.

Bang.

That's what the flag said. Rolling my eyes, I tossed the gun away.

I guess my tophat must have given it away.

So...fighting this guy...basically like fighting a granite wall. The only solution I could think of: Distraction.

In Stegosaurus, I growled to Spider and Junior: "Quick! Get away from here while the getting's good!"

"What about you?" Spider asked.

"Don't worry about that. I'm a ninja."

"What's a ninja?"

I frowned. "We need to get you a TV. Just go, okay? I'll be fine!"

Spider shrugged and urged Red Sunset to move.

Mustached Oddjob watched them go with alarm, stepping forward to grab Junior, but I shouted, "Hey! Mister Porke!" jumping in his path.

The big man clenched his fists, bracing himself for one of my amazing Kung Fu moves. "My name is Sergio."

"Sorry. Sergio..." I brought out...another magic wand, pointing the thing in his face. "Stay where you are! I'm pretty sure this thing is loaded!"

He laughed until the wand actually made a gunshot-like cracking sound.

Not a bullet. It just made a puff of purple smoke, and flowers popped out. Sergio clapped appreciatively.

Groaning, I shook the flowers out. In its place...rainbow colored scarves.

I pulled out a few lengths, then, remembering someone doing a similar act on TV, gave it up, using the wand as a bullwhip.

Sergio just grabbed the scarves and yanked the wand out of my claws.

I made a flower on my lapel squirt water into his face. He just shook it off, turning his attention back to Spider and Red Sunset...

...Who, unfortunately, hadn't gotten that far.

Sergio stomped after them, but I again jumped in the man's path. "Hey, that suit looks amazing! Where'd you get it? Banana Republic?"

He actually seemed pleased by the...`compliment.' "I had it specially made. It is difficult to find clothing my size."

I grinned. "I have the same exact problem. I mean, who makes dinosaur clothes? You think they can make me one?"

"They can make anything."

Red Sunset...still not moving that fast, and Sergio noticed she and Daddy escaping. "Let us discuss this later, dinosaurito."

And so, to retain his attention, I performed Chu Chu Ua for him. "Puño cerrado, dedo hacia, culos atras..."

Sergio burst out laughing. "It's colas, dinosaurito. Stick your tail out."

I stared. "What did I say?"

"Culos atras. It means `Stick out your ass.'"

"Hey, just because I'm a dinosaur doesn't mean I don't have an ass."

The man grinned. "That is true, but it is not polite."

"Oh. Thank you. you know, for a villainous heavy, you're really—"

I didn't get to finish. A burning mass of green canvas, with horns, rammed into him, elephantine feet stomping his nice suit into the dirt. Flaming wooden dinosaur models shot out from the burning thing like magic missiles.

Kelley rolled up beside me in the golf cart, Junior in the back.

She brought out a tranquilizer gun, shot it point blank into Serge's culos. "Found a weapon."

"Thanks," I stammered. "But isn't that the type of dart that kills humans so fast they don't even feel it?"

Kelley shrugged. "I...uh...think this is just a regular dinosaur tranquilizer."

"Oh. He probably needs it." I leaned over his prone form, giving a friendly goodbye wave.

Thanks to my massive Stegosaurus friend, we pushed our way through the screaming mob, all the way to the fence.

I thought we'd be free and clear, but at this point, Escalito had recovered, and now stood before Kelley with a tranquilizer gun. "Give me your gun and take the baby dinosaur back where you found it."

I considered attacking him, or maybe scaring him with my claws and pointy teeth, but I knew he'd only shoot me. I looked around for something to throw at him.

Kelley raised her own tranquilizer gun.

"Kid, I've been shooting small dinosaurs all day. I'm not going to miss."

"Neither am I. You should see the targets I've shot at summer camp."

Escalito flashed silver teeth. "Give it up, little girl. I've got more practice, and I'm quicker on the trigger than you are." His grip tightened on the weapon. "As you can see, my trigger finger is getting a little itchy."

"You wouldn't shoot me with that thing, would you, mister? It's meant for dinosaurs! You'll make my heart stop!"

He scoffed. "If you do what I say, I won't harm a hair on your pretty head. Put the gun down."

Ian stepped around me, pointing the fake pistol at the man. He'd pushed the bang flag back in, I guess. "It's two against one. Plus I've got this Velociraptor trained to kill on command."

I raised my claws, ferociously baring my fangs.

Ian cocked the hammer back. "Your weapon, please."

Escalito frowned at us for a solid minute, then threw Ian his rifle.

He ran away.

"Glad he didn't force me to use this thing," Ian muttered to me. "Nice theatrics, by the way. I thought he wouldn't buy it with that magician's getup, but somehow you pulled it off."

We made it outside the camp in an...okay...ish amount of time, moving Junior off into the jungle, where she couldn't easily be spotted and recaptured.

Sarah brought up the rear, with Nick, groggy and semi-conscious, leaning on her shoulder.

"Thank you for helping us," Spider said.

"Yeah, anything for a friend. Especially when I just happened to have some sabotage-ready friends conveniently hanging out with me. You got somewhere safe to hide?"

Spider told me of a remote place with food and water.

"Great! Sounds good to me!"

Ian stared at me. "Did you actually understand all those moans and grunts?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's called Stegosaurus."

"And this is a language?"

"Obviously."

"We've got a regular Doctor Dolittle here."

Perhaps thinking she could just make random dinosaur sounds and do what I did, Kelley attempted communication with Spider, but it came across as, "Hey, big boy! I have leaves, bouncy bouncy. Let's make eggs. I am not contagious."

I frowned. "Uh...Kelley...don't do that again. You're embarrassing me."

We froze at the sound of a loud, pitiful cry.

Ian cast me a worried look. "Albert, is that the baby T-Rex again?"

I scratched my head. "Either that, or a midget T-Rex."

Sarah looked excited. "Where is it? Do you know? I'd like to see it."

Ian shuddered. "Sarah, I don't think that's a good idea. I'm sure the baby's fine—"

Another piteous wail.

"That doesn't sound fine to me. I think the poachers have gotten to it." She helped Nick to a seated position on a boulder. "See if you can help him. we should have some bandages and aspirin back at camp. Albert, can you find the baby?"

"Probably. She's noisy enough."

"This is definitely a terrible idea," Ian complained. "If we can hear it, so can its parents."

The warning only made Sarah look more determined. "Albert, which way?"

[0000]

Okay, so...going back to what happened in that weird underground place we found...

The computers quietly hummed, a great deal less noisy than the PC I had in my cell at the Visitor Center. Not a lot of noise besides that machinery, as we stood miles underground in a spaceship looking thing. So quiet we could hear each other breathing.

Not a lot of scents, either, besides ours. The reptile people had been dead long enough to turn to skeletons.

On a related note...

I trembled, staring at Cynthia in worriment. "I used the nose computers. There could be some disease in there."

Cynthia shrugged. "I've never heard of anyone catching a plague from stuff they found in an archaeological dig. I think there's a shelf life to most bacteria and viruses."

"You sure?" I stammered. "Because I'm pretty sure they stuck million year old chromosomes onto some animal virus to make my cloned dinosaur cells."

"Okay Doctor Albert," Cynthia groaned. "I guess you're gonna die. Is that what you want to hear? But how come people can uncover like, a mummy of an Egyptian who died from what, the Spanish Flu, and not die from it themselves?"

"Egyptian air is very dry and salty. And they didn't sniff mummy dust. Plus, haven't you heard anything about a mummy's curse?"

"Fine. It's been nice knowing you, Doctor Albert."

"You...don't know how to treat it?"

"Seriously? How would I know anything about that? All I can tell you is you'd have to inject a version of the virus into yourself and get your white blood cells to fight it...And we don't know where it is...How about we watch, uh, future you and see if he knows something."

I guess the hologram lady noticed we'd been ignoring the video, so she rewound it a bit. Again, this is all in an English-raptorese creole language. Araceli constantly had this puzzled dog look on her face, Cynthia grimacing as she tried to focus on the meaning. Heffalump struggled too. Zelda, though, had this look like this was the best TV show ever.

"Before we get into the mechanics, let me introduce myself. G'day, my name's King Albert Raptor of the Dinosaucers..." He coughed, bringing a sickly version of my wife into view. "And this is April. We're cloned dinosaurs (cough) manufactured by the labs of John Hammond, for his (cough cough) Prehistoric Park (cough cough) Australian Outback."

Zelda...Well, April, coughed and sneezed beside him.

"Sorry. Cavemen and their diseases." He paused to drink a considerable quantity of tea. "We're Hammond's pet projects, cloned Velociraptors, human (cough cough) park. (Cough cough) had trouble getting good dinosaur chromosomes (cough) hard to believe, but experimenting with the Einstein Rosenbridge, opening a portal (cough) parallel universe (Cough). Soviets invaded Sydney, took over the Park (cough cough) cell. I escaped..."

He held up a copper colored object resembling a television remote. "Used this to travel to this world. (Cough) was year 1997, but here...prehistory? (Cough cough) I and April, finally free, settled down, built a house..."

"Is there a non-coughing transcript of this somewhere?" Cynthia remarked. "You'd think it would be easier to just write it out."

I shook my head. "I...don't know if we'd be able to read it."

"Named our civilization after my favorite cartoon show...(cough cough)...Picked up deadly disease from a tribe of humans. We're all dying."

The stripy Protoceratops creature leaned into the picture, coughing and muttering how they would not be able to enjoy the annual Dinosaucer Days celebration.

Old Me couldn't speak for a whole minute, sneezing, blowing his nose, coughing, getting liquids. "Snuffy, would you mind taking over? My throat is sore."

The stripy one filled the screen, speaking in his Russian accented broken English. "Albert children...raptor-human hybrid. Very smart."

Heffalump stared and pointed to himself. "That does not look like me."

"Parallel universe," I whispered in Spanish. "You're still God's cocktail of random dinosaur genes. Try to keep up."

"Albert know thing from book, but kids, they build from book! (Cough cough) Whole Dinosaucer civilization! All geniuses. Take all Snuffy's lifetime, but they build camera." He pointed to the screen, broke into a long hacking fit.

"Hey, it's not just his kids," a familiar voice cut in.

I jumped back when Cynthia appeared on the screen. Although wearing a surgical mask and a head of gray hair, unmistakable...Plus, she adjusted it for a moment and showed her face.

Other Me rolled his eyes. "Everyone, meet Professor Cynthia Yu, or should I say, Cynthia Torg? (Cough) in between growing pot, marrying the natives and fermenting one hundred percent proof mango alcohol, (cough) is responsible for helping us skip past the Bronze Age and jump straight into the Industrial Revolution."

It could have been my imagination, but I think Cynthia's hair stood straight up. "W-what the fudge? I'm married? To a caveman?"

"You're...not surprised about the Professor part?"

She gave an indifferent shrug. "Everyone knows I'm a genius. (Damn, I look good when I'm old!)"

"Me and the ladies are making you guys some soup," Gray Haired Cynthia announced. "Be done in a few." She vanished from the screen.

Ancient Me took over again, holding the remote control thing to the camera. I think he'd found a herbal cough drop or something. "If you are a human-dinosaur hybrid like me, and the virus hasn't survived the centuries, you might be able to use this for the benefit of Dinosaucer Kind. If you also (cough cough) prisoner (cough) Hammond's Park (cough cough) spirit of adventure, you may take the Timer with my blessing. Snuffy, could you explain how it works?"

Stripy Dinosaur grabbed the device with a previously unseen tentacle, pointed to a LED display and buttons with another tentacle. "This is Timer. Solar power (cough) like Gold Airplane raptor grandchildren build (cough cough) little Oppenheimers (cough cough)." He coughed and brushed the readout with a suction cup. "Once active, digital readout say how many day, hour and minute before next dimensional rift."

He coughed profusely, wiped away snot. The readout, I noted, had 9's nearly all the way across. "It is counting down to next rift, but we will be fossil coal before it opens (cough cough)!"

Ancient Me leaned over his shoulder. "We Dinosaucers have lived full lives, free from imprisonment. We are placing the Timer in the—"

Old Albert could barely speak at this point. "(Cough cough cough) printed instructions. Only, do not allow the—" His coughing became so bad that he couldn't continue. The recording ended.

We all stared at the darkened monitor in befuddlement, Araceli doubly so because she couldn't speak raptor or English that well.

Cynthia put her hands on her hips. "Okay, so where is this...cough cough place where he's keeping the thing?"

Ever attentive, Hologram Dinosaur Lady led us down the hallway to a mausoleum.

Not your standard shelving and name plate system. Dozens of skeletons stood around us in glass coffins, decorations and nose computers indicating who they were. They even had Snuffy propped up in an extra large case.

Not just reptile people. Four happened to be human.

Cynthia glanced at a name badge attached to a human skeleton and crossed herself. "So this is what it feels like to step on your own grave!" She frowned at the one next to it. "Wait, what the hell is Bryan doing beside me? shouldn't I be with my caveman husband?"

"Maybe he is your caveman husband," I joked.

"Funny. I distinctly heard the last name Trog."

"Maybe this is like how they do astronaut memorials. I mean, they didn't make a statue of Buzz Aldrin's wife, did they?"

She wrinkled her brow. "That makes me feel better about lonely old Snuffy!...Now why am I suddenly wondering if `I'm my own grandma?'"

"Actually, I think that would make you `Your own great great great great great—"

"Shut up."

That must have been some kind of secret password, for the moment she said this, a pedestal roseout of the floor, revealing the gold remote in an illuminated jewelry display.

We stared through the glass at the device's readout...

Still functional. Still counting down.

Now, however, instead of all 9's, it said:

29 DAYS

16 HOURS

37 MINUTES