Rule by ijnfleetadmiral

15234: While we have finally located Admiral Briggs, Command has decided to leave him be for the time being- aaaaand there's already a group of shipgirls off to drag him back kicking and screaming.

Heavy cruiser USS Portland sighed as she glanced over yet another sheet of paperwork. She was currently in charge of Shipgirl Base Norfolk, as Wright and Moskva had sonogram appointments that day and had decided to spend the afternoon shopping for maternity clothes with Ukraina, who had taken to her new role of auntie-to-be like a duck to water.

The door to the Admiral's office opened and her girlfriend Saipan strolled in, waving some sheets of paper.

"I have something here that will make you want to keep me in bed for a week," she announced.

Portland raised an eyebrow. "Do tell."

Saipan handed her the papers. "I found Briggs."

Portland's jaw nearly hit the surface of the desk. "Are you serious?!"

Saipan nodded. "Yup! Turns out he's been on Carnival Legend the entire time, under an assumed name. It seems that little trip to the bank was to open an account under his assumed name, and he transferred a considerable amount of money to it. Then once he got the bank card for the account, he used that trip to the library to book his ticket on the ship under that name."

"But we had shipgirls watching that ship the entire time!" Portland protested. "They would've seen him!"

"They would've seen Briggs, yeah," Saipan confirmed. "Not 'Enrique Montoya'." She produced a photo of Briggs in disguise, showing a man with slicked-back black hair, a Gomez Addams mustache, and a dark tan that would've made George Hamilton jealous.

Portland facepalmed. "No, they definitely weren't looking for him."

"Carnival Legend will be back in Norfolk four days from now," Saipan stated. "Jersey said she and Taffy Three would be there to pick Briggs up. Now," the light carrier's grin turned naughty, "did I do good?"

Portland blushed, as she knew what Saipan wanted, and nodded. "You did. Would you like your reward?"

"Yes, please!"

Destroyer USS O'Bannon couldn't believe what she'd heard when she'd been about to knock on the Admiral's door. Saipan had somehow found Admiral Briggs, and Jersey and Taffy Three were just going to pick him up without ceremony? That just wouldn't do…he needed an adventure to welcome him back!

She ran out of Headquarters and back to the destroyer dorms…she knew just who to talk to about this!

Five Days Previous

Enrique Montoya – aka Jeffrey Briggs – collapsed exhausted into a chair at his regular table, his plate piled high with his selections from the seafood buffet, along with his customary large bowl of vanilla pudding. He sighed happily, but knew it would eventually come to an end.

They'd find him. They always did.

"Aren't you tired of pretending yet?"

Briggs sighed and glanced up at Carnival Legend, who was sitting across from him with her own plate of shrimp. For some reason, the cruise ship girl – as yet unsummoned – had decided to let the Admiral be one of the privileged few to see and converse with her.

"Not by a long shot."

Legend rolled her eyes. "You can't run from your problems forever. Believe me, I've seen tons of people who've tried the same thing pass through here."

Briggs nodded. "I'm sure, but none of them have my job. Do you know I've taken vacations at a freaking sanitarium just to get a moment's peace?"

Legend giggled. "I've heard the stories, yeah."

"I don't think you know the full details," the Admiral snarked. "I have destroyers, whose main traits are acting cute and getting into trouble. And their brand of chaos is compounded by the fact that candy, cookies, and ice cream are to them what 90-pure Colombian would be to a crack addict. Then there are Phoenix and SoDak…a light cruiser and a battleship who are the resident 'science geeks'. Their main function in life is to aid in the chaos. Find an ultra-cool gun in a video game that you want to wield in real life? Bring them the plans and they'll somehow build it for you! Want to counterfeit money done so perfectly not even the Feds can tell the difference? Say no more…Phoenix and SoDak are working on that! Is it possible to build a trans-dimensional portal to an alternate universe where humans never evolved and the Earth is populated by demons from the twelfth level of Hell? It sure is! In fact, here, Admiral…why don't you play redshirt and be the first one through the gate?! It never ends!"

"Definitely sounds like a lively place," Legend agreed.

Briggs laughed bitterly. "That's an understatement," he growled. "But I haven't told you the best parts yet. The top two spots go to girls who aren't even ships. No, my two little mad scientists decided, 'Hey! If ships can be summoned in human form, why not other things? I know! Let's see if the Yellowstone super-volcano can be summoned!"

Legend's jaw dropped. "And they were successful?"

Briggs nodded. "She's now their 'Research Assistant'. Her hobbies include helping out at barbecues – she can summon lava with her bare hands because what the FUCK why not? – and skipping around the base singing "I've Got the Whole World in My Hands" which, in fact, she pretty much does!"

Legend bit her lip and tried very hard not to laugh.

"And then we have Yellowstone's best friend," Briggs growled. "Tell me, did you know that objects over 100 years old can self-summon into human form?"

Legend shook her head.

"Well, they most certainly can," the Admiral stated. "Yellowstone met one when she went off base – which she is most certainly not allowed to do, by the way – and took a train to New York for a couple days. We went insane trying to find her!"

"So she brought back a friend?"

Briggs nodded. "But does the girl she meets represent a building, or perhaps the Statue of Liberty? Nononono…her new friend is the human manifestation of the electric chair from Sing Sing Prison!"

Legend burst out laughing. "You're kidding!"

"Oh, how I wish I was!" Briggs replied. "In her past form, she executed more than 600 people over a span of 72 years. To say she has issues is a gross understatement."

"I have to be honest, your job still sounds like fun," Legend admitted.

"Then you go be Admiral," Briggs muttered. "I'll even give you my five-star shoulder boards."

"That wouldn't solve anything," the shipgirl told him. "You'd still be running from your problems."

Briggs sighed. "I know." Then he grinned. "But it's nice giving back a bit of the chaos I've had heaped on me over the years." He lifted his bowl. "Plus, pudding!"

Legend giggled.

Now, en route back to Norfolk, Legend was pensive. She missed Briggs, but – and here she allowed herself a small, mischievous grin – she couldn't wait to hear the results of his 'plan'.

Suddenly, her horn sounded a long blast, scaring the crap out of everyone in the buffet lounge.

"What the…?" Legend muttered, running over to the port side, where many people were pointing.

She gaped at the sight of four World War II Fletcher class destroyers, two taking station off her port side, a third moving into line ahead of her, and a fourth off her stern.

Motion on the water caught her attention. Legend looked in that direction and actually had to rub her eyes before looking again.

I have to be seeing things.

Four people were climbing up her hull using grappling hooks.

The four landed on deck and then disappeared into the superstructure. Legend turned to face the nearest doorway with a determined expression, and oddly felt something click. Surprised murmurs rose in the room, but as far as she could tell the group of boarders hadn't yet arrived.

Then she saw that people were looking in her direction.

No, scratch that…they were looking directly at her.

They could see her.

"Where'd you come from, honey?" An elderly woman asked. "And how'd you do that little trick? You just appeared outta thin air!"

"I-I self-summoned?!" Legend squeaked. She could scarcely believe it. She shook herself out of her state of shock; she could deal with her newfound existence later. Right now she had uninvited guests aboard.

Seconds later, two of the three appeared in the doorway. To everyone's shock, they weren't terrorists or Navy SEALs at all, but just girls around twelve or thirteen years old.

"Avast, ye scurvy landlubbers!" one yelled, brandishing an actual pirate cutlass that she swung about wildly.

"Watch it with that thing, will ya, Kidd?!" the other complained, having been forced to duck out of the way. "Jeez!"

As the pair advanced into the lounge, a third member of the boarding party appeared in the doorway. This person too was a preteen girl, and as she advanced into the room she seemed to trip on air and do a faceplant into the carpet.

"'M okay!" she gave a thumbs up, her voice muffled by the thick carpet.

The whole thing made the trio seem more comical than threatening, and several people pulled their phones out to record what they thought was a fantastic bit of early dinner theater.

"Yarr!" the one named Kidd aimed her cutlass at the crowd in the lounge. "We be here lookin' fer our Admiral. His name be Jeffrey Briggs, but he be aboard under an assumed name. Any of ye know where Enrique Montoya be hidin'?"

"Kidd!" the last member of the group made her appearance. "I told you guys to wait up!" She turned and addressed the crowd. "I am SO sorry about this! I'm USS Nicholas, and this is USS O'Bannon –"

"Call me 'Bannie'!" the destroyer grinned at the crowd, getting several laughs and a couple 'aww's.

"USS William D. Porter," Nicholas indicated the clumsy shipgirl, "and USS Kidd", she motioned to Pirate Girl. "And what Kidd said is true: we're looking for our Admiral, who went AWOL aboard this ship. His name is Jeffrey Briggs, but he used an assumed name when buying his ticket. You guys might know him as Enrique Montoya."

"Mr. Montoya?" An older woman asked. "Yes, he was on board, but we haven't seen him for a couple days now. I hope he's all right."

"He's not on board," Legend stepped forward. "He disembarked when we docked at Cozumel."

"You're the Cruise Director, I'm guessing?" Nicholas asked.

Legend shook her head. "No, I'm Carnival Legend." She ignored the murmurs of surprise from her passengers and continued. "I saw him to the tender and wished him luck. He said to tell any shipgirl I met, 'Catch me if you can. This is fun!'."

The four destroyers blinked.

"Huh," Nicholas mused.

Bannie pulled out a raw potato and seemed to be about to take a bite of it, then saw the mountain of other food on offer, put the potato back in her pocket, and bellied up to the bar. Kidd and Willie were already going through the line.

Nicholas saw what her sisters were doing and appeared to consider stopping them, then shrugged.

"Meh, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." She glanced at Legend. "Do ya mind if we grab some chow?"

Legend shrugged. "Sure."

"YOU BOARDED CARNIVAL LEGEND WITH GRAPPLING HOOKS?!" Wright was thoroughly Not Amused.

"Everything turned out okay in the end! The passengers weren't scared or anything!" Willie defended their actions.

"And we even escorted her into Norfolk!" Bannie put in.

"Yarr! And we plundered nary a single soul!" Kidd added.

"Do you four have ANY idea of the complete and utter SHIT-FIT Carnival Cruise Line threw when they heard about what happened?!"

"Didn't they ban all shipgirls but it was reversed or something?" Bannie asked.

"It was only reversed because Legend's passengers raved about the new 'total immersion dinner theater' you all apparently put on!" Wright growled.

"I heard they wanna hire you guys for a regular gig," Saipan laughed.

"YAY!"

"No! This is not 'yay'!" Wright argued while her sister ship dissolved into giggles. "This is 'What made you even think of doing something like this?!'."

"We went to get Briggs back," Nicholas stated, "only to find out he wasn't even on board."

"Yes, according to Legend, Briggs disembarked in Cozumel, so he's currently somewhere in Mexico," Wright stated, "and U.S. Navy shipgirls can't exactly go in and get him, so we're stuck until further notice."

It was then that the door opened and Fleet Admiral Jeffrey Briggs strolled into his office like he hadn't a care in the world.

"Afternoon, all! What'd I miss?"

Wright got up, resisted the urge to strangle the seemingly-cured-of-all-his-ills Admiral, took his hand, led him over to his desk, and none-too-gently pushed him into his chair.

"You're once more in charge, sir. I'm going to go home, lie on the couch, cuddle my girlfriend, and binge-watch romcoms for the foreseeable future. Don't call me…I'll call you." She stalked out of the room.

Briggs turned to Nicholas. "I heard about your little escapade aboard Carnival Legend."

"She's pretty cool," Bannie replied. "Did you know she self-summoned when we boarded her?"

"Did she?" Briggs smiled. "Well, next time you see her tell her she's welcome on base anytime."

The office door banged open and Yellowstone and Sparky walked in, carrying a large seabag that was struggling, with muffled curses coming from inside. The pair took one look at Briggs sitting behind his desk and stopped dead.

"Uh-oh…" Yellowstone muttered.

"Who ya got there?" Saipan looked as though she was barely holding back hysterical laughter.

"Well, since the Admiral's sitting at his desk, I honestly have no idea," Yellowstone replied, helping Sparky set the seabag down and then opening it up.

An irate man in a U.S. Navy Fleet Admiral's uniform popped out, glaring fire at the two girls. Briggs immediately facepalmed. The man saw Briggs and grew even more irate.

"You!" The man shrieked. "Señor, you gave me this uniform for the Embassy party and said it would be great fun if I were to wear it. I had no idea it would involve a kidnapping plot! Rest assured I will be filing a complaint with your State Department at my earliest convenience!" He the noticed there were ladies present and bowed low. "Good day, señoritas."

"Who was that guy?" Bannie asked as Briggs facepalmed.

"That would be the Honorable Ernesto Calvares…Ecuador's Ambassador to Mexico. I gave him my uniform to wear to an Embassy costume party in the hopes it would throw anyone looking for me off the scent, but I had no idea that the ones that would come closest to finding me would be these two!" He glowered at Yellowstone and Sparky.

"Ehehe!" Sparky gave Briggs her borderline insane wide grin and a thumbs up, while Yellowstone giggled nervously.

Briggs sighed. Not thirty minutes back on the job and I'm already wanting to escape again, he thought to himself. God, I could use some pudding right about now!