Waking up felt weird. In theory, Shinji was very much a morning person, actually, someone who could be immediately fresh and awake. And when there was school, or when he had an early synch-test, he would get up and get there in time, that was just his nature. But when he didn't have anything on his schedule, he often remained lying on his futon. Even when he was fully awake, he often felt then that there was just no point in getting up. The world outside just seemed like something there was no point in dealing with, like a cold place.
This was different now. Shinji woke up, and immediately felt warmth. Softness. Arms around him. He nearly jerked away. Asuka mumbled something in her sleep, clearly disturbed in it, but not waking up. Shinji remained still, rigid even, and his heart began racing wildly. Right, the two had gone to bed together.
He didn't regret it. He had never felt particularly alone going to bed; it had never been anything that bothered him. But it seemed this was very much of a case of not being able to miss a thing one had never had. Going to bed alone was alright. Going to bed with Asuka had been… he lacked the right words. Comfortable physically, of course, to be held and to hold her. But more than that it had been emotionally comfortable. To not depend on what he had done or achieved, to simply be held, no matter what, to the point that both had fallen asleep that way.
So that wasn't the problem. The problem now was that he had no idea what to do now or how to behave. What was appropriate now? He didn't want to hurt Asuka, and right now she was so vulnerable in front of him.
...so vulnerable. So soft. So adorable how she was sleeping peacefully.
Slowly, hesitantly, he closed his hold around her again. Maybe she wouldn't want that, wouldn't want him. That was okay. He was used to that, after all. If she said so, he'd be gone. But as long as she would have him, he'd be there for her. After all, Asuka and he, they only had each other anymore, now that Rei was gone.
Rei… Shinji hugged Asuka tighter. He nestled his head against her neck and closed his eyes. Not for sleep, just for comfort. To feel Asuka's physical closeness. To take in her scent. To soak in her warmth.
After a while, he heard a soft "Buuhh?" coming from Asuka. He smiled. It was kinda… adorable. Though he probably still wouldn't tell her that. He withdrew his head to look into her face. Her eyes opened… and got wide. Her body went rigid. Deja vu…
"Uh… good morning… Asuka," Shinji greeted her.
"Guten... morgen..." Asuka muttered. "You're… still here?"
"Uh… this is my room," Shinji told her.
"Oh. Right. Of course," Asuka answered. Her thoughts seemed to kick in gear. "It is your room. I'll… I'll just..."
She hastily got up, too quick for Shinji to even try to hold her back. "Uh… Asuka, where are you going?"
"As you said: It is your room," she told him. She sounded cold.
"Asuka!" Shinji protested. She was looking for her clothes. It really seemed like she would leave him now. Shinji's heart began racing again. Fear was taking hold of him. "Don't… don't leave me!"
Asuka turned around to face him, to look down at him. Even in the dimly lit room, Shinji could see her eyes were narrowed and her face cast in stone.
"Please," Shinji continued. It almost sounded like begging. He was beyond pride now. And it wasn't like he had ever held himself in the highest regard to begin with. "You… we agreed. That we're all that we have now."
"Yeah," Asuka simply replied. It sounded cautious, but otherwise emotionless.
"So… don't just leave..." Shinji whispered.
Asuka scoffed. "I'd hate to return to that apartment. The one I shared with..." She trailed off.
"Then stay!" Shinji encouraged her.
"For how long?" Asuka demanded to know.
"For as long as you like!" Shinji exclaimed.
"Do you actually mean that?" Asuka asked. She sounded… incredulous. Why would she sound incredulous?
"Of course!" Shinji answered. "I did say I'd… I mean, it's happening right now, isn't it?" He felt defeated. "That I'm losing you now. Because I screwed it up again, somewhere. Even though I said I don't want to ever lose you."
Asuka let the shirt that she had already picked up fall to the ground again and walked up the futon. She got down on one knee and fixated Shinji with her gaze. "So you won't leave me?"
"What?" Shinji exclaimed in shock. "No!"
"Promise me," Asuka demanded. Her voice was rigid.
"I…" Shinji began. What should he say now? He felt that whatever he could think of, it wouldn't be enough. So he simply went with the truth. "I promise I'll never leave you."
Asuka blinked. Blinked again.
"If that's a lie, Third, then I'll..." Asuka spoke between gritted teeth. Third? She hadn't called him that in a while. "but… but if not..."
She lunged forward and grabbed Shinji in a big hug.
Shinji widened his eyes in surprise. Then a faint smile appeared on his face, and he patted Asuka's back. If that was what she was so concerned about, then she didn't need to worry. He had every intention in the world to never leave her. He rather feared the world would find a way to somehow take her away from him.
There was another surprise when Asuka pushed forwards, and shoved his upper back onto the futon, with her on top. She grinned, so genuinely that he couldn't help but do so as well. "You are mine, you hear?" she whispered. It sounded aggressive, but there was also something else. Something Shinji had never heard before, at least not in real life. It sounded… sultry? He gulped. "And I'm marking you." She aggressively pushed her head forwards and kissed him… not that he had any complaints about that.
He closed his arms around her. Clearly, having such a blanket was enjoyable, and the kiss was… electrifying. All throughout his body. His hands began wandering over her body. She giggled… Wait. Asuka… giggling? That wasn't a sound Shinji would have associated with her. Not that he had any intent of stopping her.
However, she did. With a broad grin on her face, she rolled off him, to his side. "Okay. I believe you. And I won't leave you, either."
Shinji furrowed his brows. So had this all been a test? That would be… cold. But Asuka was still tightly holding onto his arm, and now was leaning her head against his shoulder. The very opposite of 'cold'.
The two just lay there for a while. Shinji because he now didn't know what else to do, and this was still better than nothing; he still had Asuka close, after all, and he genuinely enjoyed that fact. He just would maybe have wished for more, as frightening as that very thought was for him. And Asuka because… well, Shinji actually would have dearly loved to know what was going on inside her head.
There was a knock on the door. "Hey you two. I made breakfast!" Even Shinji, as a morning person, thought Ibuki sounded inappropriately cheerful. Nobody should get that cheerful just over breakfast.
Asuka openly groaned about it. That made Shinji snicker. "Let's see if her breakfast is as good as she makes it sound."
"It better be," Asuka grumbled.
This time, when the two changed, Shinji kept great care to keep his body turned away from Asuka. As nice it was looking at Asuka in underwear… yeah. The two left his room together, with her having taken his hand. Shinji found that a bit inappropriate; after all, Ibuki was in the house. Though he remembered having heard that foreigners were considerably more relaxed about public displays of affection. If he now was… in a relationship with a foreigner, strange as that sounded to himself, then he would have to take that into account.
Ibuki stood at the kitchen counter when the two entered the room. She cheerfully turned around. "Good morning, you two." Then she saw their interlocked hands and stopped short. But only for a while, then she hid an obvious grin behind her hand.
Asuka sighed exaggeratedly and sat down at the table together with Shinji.
When Ibuki began placing food on the table, Shinji protested, "Ah… it should be me doing this. You two are guests here, after all!"
"That's really nice of you to offer, Shinji" Ibuki answered. "But until Katsuragi returns, I'm taking care of you. A bit of meal preparation won't hurt me. Besides..." She stopped. Her face got more serious. Then she shrugged. "You're already doing enough, aren't you? Piloting… fighting..."
Shinji winced at that. Yes, he did that. And he would have to continue to. Two things happened at once now: Ibuki laid a hand on his shoulder, and Asuka grabbed his hand again. Huh. That did give him reassurance. It was a powerful signal he wasn't alone, in any case.
With a smile that was only half forced, he began to eat.
Misato loved cars. She loved the technical details, she loved their history, she loved their speed. She was an avid reader of car magazines, and her most prized possession, her pride and joy, was her blue Renault Alpine. Already before Second Impact it had been a very rare car type; now it was practically irreplaceable. That was why she had invested so much money and energy to have the car repaired again after Sachiel's attack. And that was why she was annoyed now that somebody else was driving it – and how he did it. She knew Kaji's usual style, but right now he played the tamest driver to have ever graced the Earth. This was just no way treat a Renault Alpine.
And it was doubly annoying because she wanted to be back home right now. To look after Shinji, to see if he was okay, and whether Asuka could cope with the situation. The three pilots had become so close... it had actually been a small miracle to watch. And now their little trio had been torn up.
Gods damn it...
It also drove home the point that this was war. People died in wars. Soldiers died in battles. Which was why children shouldn't be soldiers, and yet she commanded her own little squad of child soldiers. Hell, only recently she had recruited Touji into it. She knew why this was necessary. More than just necessary in fact; she wanted all of Adam's spawn wiped out. But while this was her desire, well, it wasn't her who actually fought for it. She made others do it. And worse, in any of the next battles Shinji could die as well, or Asuka.
The children she had taken on as wards, only to send them into war.
"Has Asuka domesticated you in Germany?" she snarled at Kaji. She had just been released from the hospital, and of course he had been there to drive her home. It was convenient, it was annoying, it was endearing, it was frustrating. "You drive like a pensioner with hat."
Kaji just smirked at that comment. "On a Sunday, no less. Don't worry, Katsuragi. Ibuki is a good girl. I'm sure she's taken good care of Asuka and Shinji."
Maybe even better than I'm able to. Misato fell silent.
"What will you do now?" Kaji asked her.
"What do you mean?" Misato asked in return.
"I think you know what I mean," Kaji told her all too softly.
Damn him and his style. Misato sighed. "What other choice do we have but to go on? The angels won't just stop just on account of a casualty on our side." Casualty. So cold, Misato.
"You've become more driven," Kaji remarked. "More driven than I knew you."
"Maybe you never really knew me," Misato remarked.
"I think I never did," Kaji agreed. "Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy your company."
Misato scoffed. "Is that why you had yourself transferred to NERV Japan?"
Kaji just smirked, which made Misato silently furious. This annoyance culminated into an open groan of frustration when Kaji held at a traffic light that he could easily still have taken, had he sped up a bit at yellow. And then he had the chutzpah to sit in his seat, lean back, smirk and text on his phone. Misato could barely keep herself from grabbing said phone and throwing it out. The only thing that did prevent that was how weak she still felt, which also was the reason it was Kaji driving the car at all.
Kaji typed slowly. Irritatingly slowly. Misato would not have thought he'd lag behind so much in communication technology. He wasn't done when the traffic light turned green again. So he just non-chalantly pushed the phone over to Misato. "Here, hold that for a while, please."
Misato gripped the phone hard. Then the text on it caught her eye: "Is your car bug-free? Not safe to talk." Misato stopped short. So that is what it was about. She still scoffed, of course. Otherwise Kaji's effort would have gone wasted. Would they bug my car? That was a disconcerting thought.
"We should go out some time again," Kaji noted. It sounded oddly neutral.
To somewhere guaranteed to be bug-free? "We should," Misato agreed in the same voice.
"Maybe bring Ritsuko along," Kaji suggested. "Just like the old times. To catch on to what we've been doing since then."
Misato wasn't sure if that would work on her old friend, but she supposed it was worth a try. "Sure."
"I think it would do you some good to get away from your work," Kaji continued.
Misato narrowed her eyes. Was that still part of the game? "I told you. I'm a busy woman."
"Nobody should be too busy for human contact," Kaji argued.
That was easy for him to say. It wasn't like he ever had problems with 'human contact'. So Misato scoffed again.
"Just see to it that I arrive home quickly," she told him.
It wasn't really quick, but eventually the car did reach the parking lot of Misato's apartment bloc. The way from there to the apartment, through the open parking lot and the narrow staircases, was quiet. With a sigh, Misato opened the door.
"I'm home," she announced.
"Welcome home, Captain Katsuragi," a voice greeted her from the kitchen. Ibuki walked over to the entrance. "I hope you don't mind my presence here."
That surprised Misato. Mind? She removed her shoes, entered the kitchen… and bowed to Ibuki, maybe a tiny bit lower than a superior normally would to a subordinate. "Thank you for taking care of my wards while I was unable to."
When she looked up again, she saw how reddened Ibuki's face was. The woman was very professional at her job, but still came across as girlish, as younger than she was. "It was no problem at all! I gladly helped! Somebody needed to be here, after all. After all those two have done for us..."
"Where are they anyw..." Misato began, when she was already interrupted.
Shinji entered the kitchen from the living room. "Welcome home, Misato." He sounded subdued, but not depressed or anything. That was good. "Mr Kaji." He nodded towards the man. "Are you feeling alright, Misato?"
"I'm feeling sore all over and weak, but apparently I got off lightly," Misato answered him. Asuka appeared in sight just behind Shinji now, staying in the entrance between the kitchen and living room. "No major lasting injuries." Her voice got softer. "How about you? How are you feeling?"
"Well, I wasn't injured," Shinji began.
"Not what I meant." Misato told him quietly. Shinji hesitated before answering. "How about you, Asuka?"
Asuka scowled, while Shinji finally managed to say, "We're… better."
"Well, if there's anything we can do to help you..." Kaji spoke up.
"Thank you, but there is no need for this, Herr Kaji," Asuka answered. She sounded icy.
Misato raised an eyebrow at that. In Germany, Asuka had always used the informal address with her and Kaji, even while still using his family name, because everyone did, just as she now also wasn't using honorifics when addressing Misato. The Captain had been surrprised that Asuka had begun referring more formally to Kaji in Japanese, but the deliberate use of German now was of course a clear sign. Misato just wondered what that sign meant.
But of course, Kaji was unflappable. He retained his good-willed smirk. "I'll be around if you change your mind." Asuka just scoffed.
Misato wondered what it was with Asuka now. The girl could certainly be difficult, but she and Kaji seemed to have always gotten along. Was it just one of Asuka's usual moods?
Misato was itching to exchange more than some polite words with Shinji and Asuka, anyway. She turned towards Ibuki. "Thank you again, Ms Ibuki. And please, no need for military titles around here. If there is ever a chance for me to repay you, you can call me."
"I understand," Ibuki answered. "You're too kind, Ms Katsuragi." She turned towards Shinji and Asuka and smiled. "I'll go now, but you can still come to me if you need anything."
Shinji smiled awkwardly. Asuka's face remained serious and neutral until she saw that and managed a faint grin.
Just as Ibuki began walking over to the apartment entrance, the phone rang. Misato picked it up…
...the phone slipped through her hands and fell down. She didn't even care. Was frozen as if in shock.
Kaji grabbed her shoulder hard. "Katsuragi! What is it?"
"Ritsuko," Misato managed to get out. "Rei… she said Rei… she said she's still alive."
The information filtered through Misato's mind. She had not just lost her first pilot. It was still terrible what these kids had to do, but at least so far none had been sacrificed for the sake of the war. And Asuka and Shinji…
...a smile was appearing on her face. But Shinji now looked like a marble statue. No part of him moved even a single centimetre. He was entirely in the grip of a shock.
"How can that be possible?" Asuka shouted. "Why weren't we informed? What the hell was she thinking?" She went on to emit various sounds of rage and frustration, to the point that Misato feared she might hyperventilate.
"Well, I suppose we'll find out," Kaji spoke up. He had picked up the phone. "Ritsuko has told me we can come immediately to visit Rei."
That seemed to wake up Shinji. "Ayanami!" he simply exclaimed, and ran over to his shoes at the appartment entrance. There was a glistering in his eyes.
Asuka stopped her frantic movements when she saw that. Then she hastened after him.
Ritsuko looked disapprovingly at the unmoving, quiet girl sitting on the small stool in front of her. Rei was simply staring into nothingness, not even regarding the person in the room. That was quite alright with Ritsuko. Ideally, she would have liked to have nothing to do with her. However, she was Gendo's top scientific expert, and as such it was her task to maintain Rei. Gendo needed her.
All that work with her, and she is still just a puppet without strings. Ritsuko had laboured the whole weekend, night and day. Just hours before, that girl had been nothing more than a lifeless clone, an assembly of tissue. Using some soul mumbo-jumbo she herself barely understood, Ritsuko had brought her to life. An artificial creation.
Ritsuko frowned.
Sometimes she thought it wasn't Rei's fault. It wasn't her fault that Gendo still couldn't let go of a woman ten years dead… well, Ritsuko knew better. Ten years lost. But the result was still the same. However, it was just infuriating Rei could get Gendo's attention despite being such a doll, despite being such an empty shell. Even when she was missing half of herself, Gendo always had more time for her than for Ritsuko.
True, it wasn't exactly like he treated Rei in a stellar fashion. Ritsuko had been shocked at first when she had first seen the circumstances in which Rei had been living at the time, deep down in the bowels of the Geofront. Appalled in fact that Gendo could do something like that to a little girl. But over time, that had just become normalcy to her. Over time, Rei had become mainly a medical case, a challenge in keeping her AT Field intact and treating her artificial body. What Rei was and how she lived didn't really figure into Ritsuko's thoughts anymore.
But she was painfully aware of the source of Rei's body. And very aware of the rare smiles Gendo showed the girl, smiles he never showed to his supposed lover.
She saw in the corner of the monitor screen that Misato, Asuka and Shinji had arrived… and Maya and Kaji were accompanying them. That would complicate matters. Gendo was already suspicious of Kaji. He would use the supposed 'U.N. inspector', of course. That was what he always did. So he would tolerate Kaji snooping around in NERV. But even if he didn't show it, just as he generally never showed emotions, Ritsuko very much doubted he was happy about it. And Maya… Sometimes Ritsuko felt guilt about her. Maya was a good soul, cheerful and helpful and just so innocent. She had retained her youthful idealism. And yet here Ritsuko was, dragging her ever deeper into the swamp of guilt and sin that was NERV. She would have preferred to keep Maya as far away from this incident as possible.
But what was done was done. Ritsuko walked over to Rei, roughly grabbed her upper arm and pulled on it. "Come. They're here." Immediately, she felt guilty for that as well, but once again, what was done was done. Besides, it wasn't like Rei was reacting to this, other than in fact standing up.
There was a slight knock, but the door burst open before Ritsuko could even respond. Asuka stormed in. Ritsuko grinned sourly. 'Soryu', right. She didn't dislike Asuka, and would entertain her request, but she knew the girl was not half as adult as she wanted to present herself – as shown now. Then again, that was probably for the better. It showed Asuka was still a more or less normal girl, and that was a good thing. The world needed pilots, but it was good if they could maintain some normalcy for themselves.
"Rei!" Asuka exclaimed… and without further ado grabbed the girl into a big hug.
Rei didn't respond to it. Didn't react in the slightest.
Shinji came in next, awkwardly pushing by Misato and Kaji and sheepishly trotting up to Rei and Asuka. He looked a bit hesitantly at Ritsuko, and then, to her surprise, grabbed both Rei and Asuka in a hug. Seeing all three pilots in a group hug was a surreal experience.
Still Rei just stood there and seemingly endured the embraces. But it was like Asuka and Shinji didn't even notice. Shinji especially seemed to be in a trance. He… yes, he was softly crying and whispering something. Ritsuko was, frankly, dumbfounded. Did Rei cause that? It was no wonder Rei could cause reactions in Gendo; he knew her origins. But Shinji didn't, and Asuka had no association with her whatsoever.
While the adults all simply watched, it was Asuka who loosened the embrace first, taking half a step back from Rei. Still keeping her hands on the girl's shoulders, and still with Shinji's arm around her waist, she looked Rei in the eye and asked: "Rei! Are you okay?"
"I am unharmed," Rei confirmed monotonously.
Asuka picked up on that. She looked clearly uncomfortable.
Ritsuko decided to step in. "She suffers from amnesia at the moment. I'm very sure it'll be temporary. However, her emotional reactions will be impaired as well."
Shinji looked up from Rei's shoulder, a single tear still on his face. "What does that mean?"
"You're seeing it right now, Shinji," Ritsuko told him softly. "What I'm saying is that this won't last."
She had absolutely no problem with Shinji. While she was very much interested in him continuing to pilot, she would have allowed him to go, and to arrange for Rei to take up her original position in EVA-01. In fact, Shinji had already once shown trouble synching with EVA-01. Clearly, piloting was a heavy burden to him. There was no reason not to be nice to him, whatever Ritsuko might feel about Rei.
Asuka disentangled herself from her two fellow pilots and stared angrily at Ritsuko. "How could this even happen? Why didn't you tell us she's still alive?"
"I have to agree with her there, Ritsuko," Misato added, her arms crossed. "How could Rei even have survived the blast at all? She doesn't even look injured!"
Ritsuko sighed. "She was very lucky, that's for sure. The reason she didn't eject was so that she could maintain her EVA's AT Field. And it appears that field held to the very last. Even when most of the EVA had already been torn apart by the self-destruct explosion."
"And so Rei survived," Misato concluded.
Ritsuko nodded, but Asuka wasn't content. "Then why haven't you told us," the German girl complained. "Rei doesn't seem to have a scratch on her!"
"Because quite frankly, we weren't even sure she was still alive," Ritsuko told her. "She has no visible injuries, but she was synchronized with a self-destructing EVA to the very end. We weren't sure if her mind was even still there, or if she would be nothing more than a body without a soul." Ritsuko suppressed a sad smirk at that formulation. For outsiders, 'soul' might just have been a metaphor, but for her… "Rei only regained full consciousness this morning. Only then we could confirm she was still there."
"You could at least have informed them about the possibility of her survival!" Maya spoke up now. In fact, she was shouting, her hands balled into fists at her side. That seemed to surprise everyone in the room, except for the still motionless Rei and Shinji, who was far too occupied with Rei. Ritsuko wondered where that outburst had come from.
"And give them false hope?" she argued. "Truthfully, we didn't think Rei would recover. We thought we had lost her."
She could see Shinji visibly cringe at that comment. Asuka frowned. Have they become so close to her? To Rei? To the girl that never even smiles? Not only was that surprising, it also hurt. Who would react the same way if Ritsuko was injured or killed? And yet, Rei was merely a doll, was merely her project.
"You may have had their best interests at heart, Ritsu," Kaji spoke up now. He at least sounded friendly. "But maybe you did go about things the wrong way." He furrowed his brows. "Where did you even keep Rei?"
"We have special facilities for her," Ritsuko explained. "To add to the other complications, her physiology can be quite delicate. And before you start, yes, having dedicated facilities for her is justified. The Marduk Institute estimates there are maybe two or three dozens of potential pilot candidates all around the world. And half of them at minimum we'll never find."
Maya still didn't look convinced. She was as easy to read as a book, as emotions struggled on her face. She clearly wanted to believe, but something seemed to really bother her about the situation.
Shinji had reluctantly let go of Rei by now, though he still kept a hand on her shoulder. Even when he followed what others were saying, he still now and then looked over to her, as if to make sure she really was there. His eyes were reddened. Both he and Asuka always kept close to Rei.
"So, what's Rei's status right now?" Misato asked.
"I checked her thoroughly before I called you," Ritsuko told her. "Physically, she is in good shape. Given the circumstances, in excellent shape, even. The only thing that needs to be kept under watch is her mental situation, but we can't do much more there than give it time to improve."
"So Rei can return to her apartment?" Misato further inquired. She sounded oddly cold and professional.
That did hurt Ritsuko a bit. In a way, it was unfair. As far as these people were concerned, she had just saved Rei! Then again, if they knew the truth, who knew if they would even still talk to her? On some level, she did deserve their displeasure. But… over Rei? She was still surprised how everyone had seemingly grown so attached to her.
Look at her! Rei still didn't seem to even notice what was going on around her. She did now and then look Asuka and Shinji in the face, but those were fleeting moments, and she didn't seem to recognize them. And yet… And yet she has all those people honestly caring about her. And what have I, despite all of my merits? She had Gendo, and that was good. She loved Gendo. But it was such a fragile relationship…
"Yes," Ritsuko simply answered.
"Then let's go!" Asuka prompted. Both she and Shinji laid a hand on her waist and gently nudged her forward. Asuka looked grimly determined, and Shinji… Shinji looked like he was in a blissful trance.
The adults stepped aside for them, and then followed them outside. Ritsuko was left behind. She furrowed her brows. I'm losing Misato, and Rei, Rei!, has two people at once basically falling over themselves to help her home? There was just something fundamentally wrong with it. Where has everything gone wrong? She knew she had given up much for Gendo, but then, Gendo was a driven man. That's what she admired so much about him. His drive, his powerful aura… she had to keep pace with him. Surely, that was worthwhile.
It was too bad he wasn't even here at the moment. Away on some grand expedition together with Fuyutsuki to the end of the world. It hence would fall to Ritsuko to hold the fort. Misato… Misato simply didn't know. And if she did, she wouldn't understand. No, for Gendo's sake, Ritsuko would have to do it. But still…
Ritsuko went to her computer and activated the programs monitoring the nearby corridors. She watched as the group walked through them. Asuka and Shinji were unsuccessfully trying to chat up Rei, and never let fully go of her. Again Ritsuko furrowed her brows. Why is it that Rei has won so much devotion to her? Not only from Gendo, but from other people as well. Ritsuko was a brilliant scientist, a woman of hard work and devotion, whereas Rei was a tool without emotions. So why did Rei have all these friends and she didn't?
I wonder what would happen if those people knew the truth about her...
Shinji still wasn't sure if this was all just a dream. Inappropriate as this was, he just could not let go of Ayanami; he had to convince himself that she was really there. Even now in the car, he had a hand around her lower arm. Then again, Asuka even had a hand on Ayanami's leg. The two had the blue-haired girl in between them, all three sitting on the back seat of Misato's car. And Shinji now was beyond shock, beyond sorrow, beyond any sense of reality.
Only one thing mattered. Ayanami is alive. Ayanami is alive. Ayanami is alive.
He was not guilty of her death. He would not have to go through the heavy burdens in front of him without her. He had not lost her serene grace and soothing presence. Ayanami, the girl for whose sake he had started piloting in the first place… she was here again. She was alive. It was impossible to describe Shinji's feelings. To say he had never felt as relieved in his life would be incorrect; it just wouldn't be true to compare that feeling to just mere relief. Even with Asuka… close now, back in his mind there had always been that darkness, that constant knowledge about his loss and his guilt. He had just been able to divert his thoughts from it. But now, he was ascending from that darkest pit back to the light.
Ayanami is alive.
He had already cried on the way to the Geofront. Not at all caring at that point what Misato would think in the driver's seat, he had leaned his head on Asuka's shoulder and let the tears come. One of her arms had been around his waist, while the other hand had gently carressed his face and his hair. Strangely, Misato hadn't even commented, even though Shinji had noticed how often she had looked in the rearview mirror. She had been and still was in 'Captain' modus the whole time, all serious and professional, with none of her usual teasing. And indeed, this was the one time where Shinji might have reacted violently to it.
Further tears had come when he had seen Rei. Now, he was spent. All the acute surprise and relief had turned into an amazed but quiet contentedness. Things would still be bleak. He would still have to pilot. He would suffer and he would be unable to escape his fate. But he would have Asuka at his side and he would have Ayanami at his side.
So even when they were all walking up to Misato's apartment from the parking lot he still moved in a sort of daze. At least he let go of Ayanami for now. The girl's gait was even, slow, unexcited. She seemed to walk because it was expected of her, not because she had somewhere to go. But Shinji's mind blanked out those details, like how Rei had hardly moved, had not reacted to his and Asuka's emotional outburst and not to the touch, either. She also hadn't spoken a word since leaving the Geofront. But those were indeed just details.
The group awkwardly came to a halt in front of Misato's apartment. Before Ayanami and Asuka could move on to theirs, Shinji hastily spoke up, "Uh, why don't you two come in? I can make dinner again. Do you think something to eat would be good for you, Ayanami?"
"Yes," the girl simply replied. And thus it was decided.
As soon as he had removed his shoes, Shinji went to the kitchen counter. "You two can watch television in the meantime, maybe," he suggested.
"Right," Asuka agreed. "Let's go, Rei."
Shinji didn't watch as Asuka basically dragged Ayanami forwards to the living room. He was convinced something was coming through to the blue-haired girl. For now, he had a job to do. That always felt good. He was needed, and he could actively help to improve Ayanami's situation. And he so dearly wished all the best in the world for that quiet, subdued girl. One of only two people in the world who seemed to listen to him, maybe understand him.
Asuka wasn't sure if Rei really was watching TV. Oh sure, she looked in the direction of the device, but it was a rigid stare and her facial expression was blank. It rather appeared she was looking through the TV.
Asuka started another attempt at conversation. "Are you glad that you'll be back home again tonight?"
"It's alright," Rei answered without even turning to her.
Asuka was getting increasingly uneasy. Temporary. Akagi has said this is only temporary. But what if it wasn't?
The redhead wasn't really paying attention to the cheap action series on the TV, either. Rather, she glanced over to Rei again and again and worried. Rei was here again. That was a miracle. She had thought she had lost her for good, had lost her serene presence that managed to calm her down, her avian grace, her putting up with her. The only person who had ever taken a bullet, or rather a death ray, for her. But all her relief and amazement over Rei's survival was slowly turning into worry and despair. Rei was more expressionless and unemotional than she had been even when Asuka had first met her.
Temporary… let's hope so.
It would be a cruel, sick joke if Asuka was still losing Rei now. She had admitted to Shinji that she loved Rei and, yeah, she did. Rei was a person she… she just didn't want to miss. Wanted to be closer to. Wanted to help. Was glad when she put up with her. And yes, whom she found rather attractive. Another twisted irony: For Asuka to have come to terms with the fact that, yes, she found certain girls attractive, only to still lose the one girl who had caused that revelation.
Of course, Asuka had also accepted the fact now that she loved Shinji. The boy who had gone through the same as her, who even now was one of only two people to understand what piloting meant, who never seemed to be put off by her aggressive episodes, who had started to cook for her just like that… and with whom she had in fact started a relationship. So what now?
"Can I get you something?" Asuka asked Rei. "Do you need another pillow? Something to drink maybe?"
"That is not necessary" Rei merely answered.
But I want to do something!
The idea that all that Asuka could do was wait, and that even that had no guarantee of success, was just terrible. There had to be something she could do to bring Rei back to how she used to be, or to at least make her more comfortable!
Asuka didn't try anymore after that. She kept looking at Rei with worry, the TV entirely forgotten. Dinner was soon ready after that.
As always, Shinji had thought of making a separate, meatless version of their meal for Rei. He always was considerate like that. As for Rei, she simply sat down and began eating, not even looking at anyone else. The other people at the table, Asuka, Shinji, Misato, looked concerned.
"Do you like it?" Shinji asked Rei.
"It is alright," Rei stated without looking up and immediately continued eating.
Asuka and Shinji looked at each other. A certain despair was on both their faces.
"Do you need something with it?" Shinji tried again. "Spices, maybe. Or something else to drink than water?"
"No, that is not necessary," Rei answered flatly.
Well, damn.
It was little wonder the dinner was held in silence otherwise.
After they had all finished, Asuka stated, "Well, thank you, Shinji. I think Rei and I should go home now. I think you can use the rest, don't you, Rei?"
The blue-haired girl nodded… and stood up to immediately go to the apartment entrance.
"Ah… don't worry, Asuka," Shinji told her. "I'll clean up the table."
Asuka nodded, and also went to get her shoes. By that time, Rei had already left the apartment. Shinji followed her to the apartment entrance.
"I don't like this, Asuka," he whispered.
"Yeah," Asuka merely agreed.
"What do we do now?" Shinji asked.
"I… don't know," Asuka admitted. "But… Rei has to come first. She's one of us. She… we both… we said we..."
"We love her," Shinji whispered.
"Yes," Asuka confirmed.
"We… we came together because we thought we had lost her," Shinji went on. "But we didn't. So… what do we do now?"
"We… have to figure something out," Asuka answered. "But that can wait. First we have to help Rei. Whatever is between us… it can wait."
Shinji nodded. "Ayanami comes first."