Even after the three had gotten up, they all remained constantly close to each other. Kisses, hugs, back strokes were constantly exchanged. It seemed none of them could really let go of the others. There was a sort of manic joy in the air, a pure relief, that things had worked out so well, that the three of them together were now definitely an item. And all of them wanted to fully enjoy the perks of that.
Rei felt as content as she had never been in her life.
That feeling itself was new. To know that she didn't have to doubt, to be sure of her loves staying with her, to know they returned her feelings… to be kissed and hugged and touched by them. She had never, ever had something like that before. This security, this comfort. It was wonderful. She wasn't alone anymore.
Going to bed the previous evening had involved a lot of kissing and touching. Rei hadn't been able to get enough of it, had wanted to feel and experience ever more… but strangely, both Shinji and Asuka had eventually tensed up. Rei didn't know how, but it seemed somewhere she had gone too far. And she regretted that. She wanted to make her loves happy; she wouldn't do anything that didn't, or at least not deliberately. So she had stopped and eventually the three had fallen asleep once again in each other's arms.
In Rei's limited experience, that was absolutely the best way to fall asleep. And waking up with lots of kisses and Asuka's giggles and Shinji's remaining wide-eyed disbelief that this all was happening was the best way to wake up.
Of course, it made everything take a bit longer. In her second body, Rei would most likely have felt uneasy about such an inefficient use of time. It took more than an hour until they could even only start breakfast. But right now, Rei considered this an absolutely worthwhile investment of time. Right now, there was nothing more important on her mind than kissing Shinji or snuggling up to Asuka.
The three only really got more than a metre apart again when they sat down to actually eat the breakfast. Shinji had made most of it, insisting it was the least he could do for the girls. Of the three, he was still the only one who not only enjoyed the touch, but who still seemed to need it. The one who most quickly got uneasy or panicked. But he was doing better already. And while it was only natural that this should be a relief to Rei, she was slightly surprised by how much. Shinji's well-being was paramount to her and had been ever since the battle. Right now, if she had to choose between that and the Scenario, she would choose the former without hesitation.
These days, Rei didn't think much about the Scenario at all.
The breakfast was accompanied by a silence that was slightly awkward. What could one say after all this? Rei was quite content with the silence, though. She had never been one to say more than necessary. And now all three had admitted their love; all three were together now. So why say anything at all? Love was enough.
But finally, the silence became too much for her two loves.
"This is… unusual," Shinji muttered.
"Isn't it just!" Asuka agreed, sounding relieved anyone had spoken up at all. "It's just surreal! Like… a dream I could wake up from any minute now. But I don't want to wake up!"
Rei reached over the table and laid a hand on one of Asuka's. "It's reality."
Asuka smiled. It looked slightly abashed, in a way that made Rei's heart leap a little. "I like what we are now. But… I have no clue what we'll actually do now."
Shinji grinned faintly. "A rare admission from you."
"Be glad you're so goddamn cute," Asuka grumbled and pecked him on the cheek.
But Shinji was serious again. "What… what will we say in school? When we go to school again, that is. Or at NERV?"
"We can't make this public," Rei spoke up quickly.
Asuka stroked Rei's hand with her thumb. "The Commander."
Rei nodded. "He can end this with a single order. I would have to obey."
"Why?" Shinji asked. It sounded almost desperate.
Because he created me… but they don't know that yet. It was something that so far just hadn't come up. And Rei had been in no hurry to reveal that stuff. But now she thought that Asuka and Shinji maybe had a right to know who she truly was. For now, though, she remained silent.
Finally, Asuka spoke up again: "Then for now, the Commander may not know. Outside this apartment..." Her facial expression faltered. She sounded almost depressed now. "Outside this apartment, we may not be an item."
It was the logical conclusion. But to hear it spoken out aloud at the table depressed the mood for a while. This brooding atmosphere was only interrupted when the doorbell rang.
"I'll see who it is," Rei stated and got up.
For maybe the first time in ten years, Asuka felt she truly had reached a goal, a safe harbour. For that long, she had constantly struggled to always be on top, a struggle that had increasingly felt like treading water, like a Sisyphean task without end. That task was maybe not at an end yet, but she felt she had reached a first goal in it. Maybe, with Rei and Shinji at least, she didn't need to constantly struggle. They admired her for her fight, yes, but they also seemed to accept her as she was. Which was, all things considered, a small miracle.
So maybe, at least inside this apartment, Asuka would be allowed to rest.
And she was just so happy! Kissing, cuddling and being together with Shinji, that had been comforting, but it had also been something born out of sheer exhaustion, back when they had both thought they had lost Rei. But now… now the three of them weren't together as some sort of desperate measure to salvage at least a little comfort. Now they could look towards the future. And she had two, two, people who had told her they loved her. Two people who would kiss her. Two wonderful people she would like to go on kissing forever.
Not that everything was perfect, of course. Asuka had been delighted by all the kissing and hugging that had been going on the previous evening on their futon (their now permanently shared futon, a thought that still filled her with joy)… until Rei had become bold, and had, if ever so carefully and tenderly, tried to explore certain regions of Asuka's body. Now, it wasn't that Asuka didn't trust Rei, but… kissing and hugging were one thing. That had been something else. And a very serious "something else", something far graver than the light-headed giggling and lips meeting.
Asuka had had thoughts about that and about Shinji and Rei in particular, and about them together. They were two very attractive people, two people who had dominated Asuka's thoughts whenever her hormones went wild… but that those thoughts and dreams were now actually within reach was just such a frightening prospect. Not that Asuka would easily tell that even to the two. She was Asuka Soryu-Langley, and surely sexuality didn't cow her! But in truth, she did fear that this perfect, tender, loving arrangement the three had just built up, this triad, could be disturbed by it.
And Rei had understood. Had ceased her actions immediately when Asuka had tensed up. And then had just tenderly stroked her cheek and smiled at her in that soft way that made Asuka just so relieved and so happy…
With a dreamy look, Asuka, sitting at the kitchen table, watched Rei walk over to the apartment door.
The look disappeared on her face when she saw whom Rei had brought in: One Major Misato Katsuragi.
Asuka knew Misato had so far been extremely cooperative. The Major had covered their retreat after the latest angel, and hadn't interfered with their new arrangements. But even so, there was an uncleared issue between the two – between Misato and the pilots. Not just the attempted nude synch-test; that had just been a symptom of a wider issue.
"Hello," Misato greeted Asuka and Shinji.
"Hello, Misato," Shinji greeted back in a subdued voice, while Asuka was grumbling something incomprehensible.
There was an awkward pause before Misato spoke up again. "I see you again haven't gone to school."
Asuka just scoffed. That was just so silly. It was just like Misato to just try and pretend everything was normal. Like sending the kids to school as if they hadn't just fought off a mind violating beast from space. As if Asuka hadn't already graduated school, had a college degree in fact.
"I'm sorry," Shinji apologized in a mumbling voice.
"You have nothing to be sorry for!" Asuka told him forcefully. "You helped to save the Earth." She shot a hard look at Misato. "Again."
"So he did," Misato agreed, her face stony, her voice absent emotions.
"So he can stay home as long as he wants," Asuka concluded.
"And this… this is home for him now, I take it?" Misato asked. She took great care to sound as neutral as possible, but Asuka still took it as a challenge.
She stood up, looked Misato in the eye, and crossed her arms. "Yes." Then she looked over at Shinji. "Or at least, for as long as he wants."
Shinji was breathing heavily. Finally he managed to say, "This is home."
"I see," Misato merely commented. And after a pause, "But I'm still his guardian. Yours as well, Asuka. I need to make sure you two have a future."
That made Asuka scoff again. "A future? What future do any of us have? We're pilots. We're the ones who save the Earth." And Asuka was damn proud of that fact. "What else do we need?"
"The Angel War will eventually be over," Misato merely stated.
That was true. And at least outwardly, Asuka couldn't do anything different than display utmost conviction that they would win the war. After all, with Asuka Soryu-Langley piloting, how could they lose? But she had never thought much about what would happen afterwards. Had in fact never truly cared. She was a pilot. That had always been the only important point in her life.
So instead of answering, Asuka turned towards Shinji. "Shinji… what do you want?"
The boy looked down and finally shook his head. "I… I can't… I just can't go to school again. Not yet. I would… I would..." He trembled slightly. Immediately, Asuka and Rei rushed to his side, each of them embracing him from one side.
Misato looked at the scene for a while. Her left elbow was held by her right hand again. "You need to recuperate," she finally stated. Now her voice became softer. "I understand that. And I'm glad Asuka and Rei are helping you. I just…" She stopped.
Asuka glared at her. "You just what?"
Misato hesitated. Then she stated, barely above a whisper, "You apparently haven't forgiven me yet, Asuka."
The redhead turned her head away from her. It wasn't that simple. Misato had been on their side after all. It was just… she couldn't trust Misato anymore. Or no, even that was too simple. She knew she could trust Misato with the big stuff. Prioritizing their lives, keeping what she was seeing here a secret, stuff like that. But in day to day affairs, Asuka simply had lost all trust in Misato. The attempted nude synch-test had seen to that.
And she was also simply so tired of it all. She was a pilot, one of the elite - and did anyone every recognize it? The only one who ever had was, of all people, that giggling airhead Mana. Misato, meanwhile, simply seemed to take it all for granted. Always made light of it, teased and joked and pretended everything was normal. Asuka wanted to pilot, drew pride from it – but she also wanted some proper recognition of what she was doing.
"Asuka… you should at least come to synch-tests." Misato asked of her.
The redhead whipper her head back around again. She had every intention to, actually. She was a pilot after all, no matter what those dickheads at NERV were saying. But this just showed it all over again – how Misato was taking her for granted. How she seemed to only care that she functions. And Asuka was getting sick of it.
"I'm not sure about that," the redhead hence mumbled.
"...Asuka?" Misato asked, now sounding uncertain.
Now words exploded out of Asuka. She even let go of Shinji. "Why should I go to synch-tests? What good has this ever done for me? Did anyone ever thank me for that? Or for saving their worthless asses? No, all I got for my troubles is being suspended. Why should I go to synch-tests then? Why should I even stay an EVA pilot then?"
It felt good to say this. It was an intoxicating power rush. To finally release all the pent up anger at Misato. Not that Asuka truly meant any of that. Not that she had any plans of leaving her Evangelion. It was hers, damnit, and she would always be the one to pilot it! But Misato just couldn't take her for granted anymore.
"I see..." Misato whispered. It sounded defeated. And then, without another word, she turned around and left the apartment.
There was nothing quite as drab and depressing as coming home to an empty apartment. Misato had already pulled an early morning shift at NERV today, so for the rest of the day she wouldn't even have an excuse to leave it. She could maybe use the day to clean up the apartment, but…
What would even be the point?
Shinji now lived with the girls. He was happier there, and why shouldn't he be? The girls weren't sending him out to fight and suffer, to the point of a suicide attempt. The girls seemed to understand him and care about him. Whereas she… she had wanted to help Shinji. Had tried to understand him. Had even offered to keep him around even if he were to stop piloting. But she had never told him how much she cared. Had never thanked him for what he was doing. Had never apologized for the necessity of him doing it.
She had only ever added to his hurt. It probably had been a mistake when she had grabbed him and taken him with her, all those months ago after his first angel fight. She was his Operations Director, the woman who sent him out into painful life-and-death battles. How could she then pretend to care about or for him? She had just been desperate for company, any sort of company, and had projected her own loneliness onto him. It was me who feared loneliness. He would have been just fine.
So if you find love among the girls… grab your chance Shinji. Grab it. I'm just holding you back.
Misato had no idea what was going on between the three. They all seemed close, like… like they were a couple with three people? But then, it wasn't truly her business. The kids should do as they see it. I surely never helped them find happiness. If she interfered, she would probably just ruin everything. She would shut up about what she was seeing in that apartment, and that was that.
She sat down at the kitchen table and stared straight ahead. There wasn't much more to do. Other than being a NERV Major, what else did she have now? She had fled Kaji way back in college, and even now their relationship was at best at "It's complicated". She had used Shinji to drive away her loneliness, but that had just made him suffer, and so now he was gone as well. Sitting here in loneliness was the only thing left to her.
But what truly frightened Misato was Asuka's attitude. If the girl were to truly stop piloting… nobody else could pilot EVA-02. Rits… Akagi had been clear on this point. For some reason, Shinji and Rei had been able to cross-synch, back when EVA-00 had still existed. But EVA-02 would only work for Asuka, EVA-03 only for Touji and EVA-04 only for Kaworu. If Asuka stopped piloting, they would lose a fourth of their fighting force. And what if others follow her lead?
She couldn't really fault anyone if they were to leave. Shinji nearly had once, and maybe he had been right to back then. What had EVA ever offered him but pain? And how does NERV repay this pain to the pilots? With even more indignities. Was it any wonder that Asuka contemplated leaving now? Had anyone ever thanked her for saving the world – over and over again? Had anyone ever showed respect to her for that, bowed to her, made her feel the hero she was? She had sacrificed ten years of her life – her childhood. And Misato had never truly thought about it.
Misato had been afraid. She had taken part in sacrificing Asuka's childhood after all. She had always known that she would send this little girl, which she had met when she was ten years old out to fight alien abominations, that she would have her risk her life and suffer pain. It was maybe necessary, but… Misato had always done her best to close her eyes before that fact. Had always joked and made light of using child soldiers. Had taken part in training a child soldier. Ten years with nothing but synch-test after synch-test for Asuka. Combat training at age six. A strenuous physical regime. And then school and college besides.
Was it any wonder then that Asuka would lash out now?
They had finally done it. NERV, and she as part of it, had gone and done it – they had finally pushed the abused girl one too many times. Finally, the straw that broke the camel's back had fallen down. What have I been thinking in fact? But deep down, Misato knew. Deep down, she had known that Asuka and the others would have objected to the nude test, that it was a fucked up thing to do to 14 year old boys and girls who had just entered puberty and were probably unsure about their bodies… teenagers who, as experience showed, were always the ones to develop the most intense feelings of shame… and knowing that this was fucked up, Misato had made light of it. Again. Had treated it like a big fun to be had.
A fun at the expense of the pilots. One further thing to burden Asuka with. And that had now just been one thing too many. Maybe it wouldn't even have been so bad by itself. Maybe the attempted nude test wouldn't have been so grave in any other context. But for Asuka… had she ever been treated any differently than a tool or a test object by NERV? So, finally, the one time too many had happened, and Asuka had pushed back. And in doing so, Asuka had suddenly realized how much power she was holding. So now the abused girl used this power to get back at her abusers.
Misato really couldn't fault her for that. But it made her deeply afraid. NERV had fucked up, she had fucked up, and their fuck-up could threaten the fate of the whole world. Have I doomed the world?
She didn't blame Asuka. Not after all that had been done to her. But she did blame herself. Slowly, she got up from her seat and opened a cupboard. She took out the single bottle of vodka she had stored there.
Shinji felt terrible. Misato had sounded so miserable when she had left. He hated to disappoint her… to disappoint anyone, but especially someone he had gotten rather close with over the months. He still felt a certain pang of resentment over what Misato had done, but… most of all he wished things would simply be alright again. Like they had used to be. But this seemed to not be enough for Asuka anymore, and Shinji could understand her. After all, he had held the same thoughts at times: If he had to go out there and fight, if he had to suffer, shouldn't he at least get recognition for it? His father was a lost cause, as much as it hurt to admit it, but at least maybe from others?
They had to pilot, of course. The world depended on it. Shinji realized that. But… that was just the point, wasn't it? They were in fact saving the world on a routine basis. And got no recognition whatsoever for it.
However, being in the middle of such a conflict, that was just so hard to bear. As was watching Misato leave in what de facto had been defeat. He didn't wish for that. Does Asuka really need to be so hard on her?
"Do you really mean that, Asuka?" Rei asked. Shinji felt her arms around his shoulders. It was a reassuring feeling.
"Mean what?" Asuka asked. It sounded grumbling. She sat down again.
"Are you really considering leaving piloting behind?" Rei asked. The question was entirely free of judgement. Typically Rei…
Asuka shook her head. "Of course not. A pilot… that's just who I am. There are just five pilots worldwide. Just five people who can save the world. We're among them. We're special." She breathed out. "But… it's just… Misato doesn't seem to see that."
"You want to make her see," Rei commented.
Asuka nodded forcefully. "It's just… it's so unfair. All my efforts to be the best. All my hard work. All the… the sacrifices. It did make me the best. But what do I get in return for it?"
There was a silence. Either Shinji or Rei could have pointed out their current arrangement, but that would have been wrong, of course. Shinji would love Asuka whether she was a pilot or not. And the attitude she spoke of, it was so well known to him. And Asuka even liked being a pilot. With him… he had always loathed it. And yet had always been forced to continue. He had had to continue in order to save the world, even when Misato had offered he could quit. We need to protect the world. But what do we get in return?
Then a memory hit him. "I remember something you once said, Rei. That… that if Asuka and I both pilot in order to get praise, we should get praise."
He felt her head nodding behind him. "That's true."
"It's just..." Shinji whispered. "It must kinda suck for Misato. She seems to have been hit hard."
"She helped us after the angel fight," Rei pointed out.
Asuka looked away, but then admitted reluctantly. "...yeah. I know. But… If I say nothing… things will just stay that way then, won't they? She… she has to see that I can't just be taken for granted."
"Maybe… Maybe you should have told her that," Shinji suggested carefully.
Asuka breathed out forcefully. "Maybe. But… I've known Misato for years now. She… she has never changed. I don't know if she would now." She paused. "It just sucks. Misato was one of my better guardians, you know? But..." She sounded frustrated.
Slowly, so as to give Rei a chance to disentangle herself from him, Shinji stood up. Then he walked over to Asuka… and hugged her from the side just as Asuka and Rei had done to him before. Rei soon joined on the other side.
"I can… relate," Shinji told her. "I know what you mean, but I… I don't like seeing Misato like this. Maybe, next time… don't be so hard on her?"
Asuka grumbled. "Maybe. But… it's just so frustrating." There was a longdrawn silence, which she used to draw comfort from the physical contact. Sandwiched between her two partners her breathing slowly got more even. Finally, she asked, "And what do we do now?"
"The next synch-test is on Friday," Rei suggested.
"I know," Asuka answered. "But… There's a difference between communicating my position better and giving up my position. Still, I suppose… I should try to talk to Misato until then." Her voice got very, very small. "And maybe... apologize."
Shinji was slightly surprised. Asuka nearly never apologized. It wasn't one of her best traits, but he had always taken it as part of her fiery determination.
He kissed her on the hair. "Whatever you do, we will be with you."
"I know," Asuka answered softly.
There were times when Kaji could drive just as crazily as Katsuragi. This was one such time. Ritsuko had looked rather confused when the U.N. Inspector had just stormed out of the Geofront, but it seemed he was needed much more urgently elsewhere. And he had no time for such frivolities as traffic laws or speed limits. If Tokyo-3 police were to stop him he would just shove his U.N. ID in their faces.
He also didn't really have the patience to wait long at Katsuragi's door. When she hadn't opened after the third urgent ringing, he simply began opening the door in the same way as last time. When he entered the kitchen he noticed an empty vodka bottle on the table. Its etiquette had Cyrillic writing on it. Her genuine Ukrainian stuff. High percentage.
"Katsuragi? Please don't shoot! It's me, Kaji!"
There was a gurgling sound coming from the living room. With long strides, Kaji hurried over to there… only to find Katsuragi sprawled out all over the floor. There were some pillows, but they had been tossed to all sides. Her clothes were in a state of disarray.
He darted over to her and knelt down. "Katsuragi? Are you alright?"
"Wasss… was just vodka. Can't fell me," Misato claimed. "The fuck… you doing here?"
"You called me," Kaji simply replied.
"Hell I did..." Katsuragi muttered. "Would know better than that. Would never..."
The call was still fresh in Kaji's memory. Katsuragi just mumbling incoherently, laughing manically, mumbling some more and then ending the call.
"Katsuragi, what's up?" he asked her urgently.
"No...nothing that needs con… ththern you..." Katsuragi stuttered. "I'll be fit for duty tomorrow again."
"That's good," Kaji agreed. "But what about now? You don't look fit to me."
"That'll pass," Misato slurred. "Deserve it..."
Kaji sighed. "The kids again."
Katsuragi sat up. She swayed a bit, but only a bit. She was a hardened drinker. "Shinji… Shinji is now with the girls. Lives there. I'm all alone here, but… deserve that. Sent him into battle after battle. Until… until Ibuki had to pull him from the balcony."
"What?" Kaji exclaimed. "Fuck. Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"Didn't even know until Sunday," Katsuragi muttered. "Asuka told me. My… me… it's making… making him pilot. Drove him there."
Kaji suppressed a curse. So the situation was much grimmer than he had assumed. One of the pilots tried to commit suicide? Because of piloting? Damnit, but something has to be done at NERV. More than that concern, though, he was now acutely worried about Katsuragi. Shinji was with the girls. But whom does Katsuragi have?
"Katsuragi… you did your best..." Kaji tried to comfort her – clumsily, as he knew himself.
"Bullshit!" Katsuragi shouted now. "Always… always tried to make it as easy on me as possible. Treated it all as one big… big… joke. Always made fun of the kids… teased them… so I… wouldn't have… face… what I was doing. Raising child soldiers. Should… should've given them respect. Grati...gratude. Apologies." Tears appeared in her eyes. "They… saving the world regularly. Heroes, all of them. We… just so used to them saving the world for us… every angel fight… after every angel fight should be parades… saviours of Earth..."
"You know why that isn't possible," Kaji argued. And not knowing what else to do, he grinned faintly. "And I don't think Shinji or Rei would appreciate that."
"Prin… Printhiple of thing," Katsuragi insisted, still silently crying. "Deserve our thanks. Respect. Awe. We… we threw away all of Asuka's childhood, and what's she getting for that? More… more… indig… yeah. So she'll quit now. We'll lose… EVA. Others as well, maybe. Because of me." She laughed manically. "I doomed the world."
Kaji grabbed her by the shoulders. "What? Asuka will quit?"
"Asked me… asked me why shouldn't," Misato explained. "Couldn't tell reason. Just couldn't. We… we destroyed… childhood. And now… one push too far. Pushes back. AND WHY NOT?" She screamed the words.
Now Kaji did curse. "Fuck. Listen, Katsuragi. We'll set this right again, you hear. I promise you. We're going to fix this."
"How?" she pleaded.
Kaji furrowed his brows. "The synch-test on Friday. Be there. It's time some things change in NERV." He shook his head. "Asuka… has always lashed out. We need to… need to talk to her. With all the pilots."
Misato scoffed. It sounded wet. "What use… what use? Only… only command can make things better."
Kaji started his best rogueish smile. "Then we will make NERV Command talk as well. After you made even the Yakuza agree with you… how difficult can this still be?"
"You… you think that'll work?" Katsuragi asked.
Kaji shrugged and grinned again. It was an artificial grin, meant to reassure her. "If not, then it's definitely on NERV then. But didn't you tell me you wanted to do everything now to help the pilots?"
Katsuragi paused. "...yeah. Yeah… I will. Will do this. Will be… there on Friday." She paused. "Thank you, Ka... Kaji. Onthth again."
"Any time, Katsuragi," Kaji whispered.
"Until… until Friday then," she tried to send him off.
"Oh no!" Kaji disagreed. "I'm not leaving you behind in this state. I will see you to bed. I know you have a spare futon for me. And tomorrow, you will be hungover."
Misato scoffed again. "What? And you'll take… take care of me?"
Kaji looked her right in the eyes. "Yes."
"This is kinda depressing," Kensuke muttered. He sat at his desk, his upper body sprawled out all over it.
Kaworu stood leaning against the desk. Seeing his… companion beat down like that, he had the urge to ruffle his hair, but the incident with Touji had shown why such public physical affection could be a problem. Does man's loneliness go that far? Isn't it enough that their loneliness can never be overcome? Must they also hurt each other by preventing even the merest illusion of it? As Kaworu had learned in the previous two weeks, it was such a nice illusion. And just because it couldn't overcome the inherent barriers of him, Kensuke and Mana, that didn't mean he didn't care deeply for the other two. He did.
So instead, Kaworu merely laid a hand on Kensuke's shoulder. That seemed to be still socially acceptable enough. Lilim rituals. They are so hurt by the separations between them…
The bespectacled boy sat up slightly straighter again and, when he was confident no one was looking, shot Kaworu a small smile, just a small sign that he appreciated the gesture. But even so… we manage.
"It's so… empty," Kensuke explained what he had meant. "Ayanami being absent is nothing new. But Soryu and Shinji have been missing the entire week now as well. Not that I can fault them, they… and you… have better things to do than school. And… and Mana..."
Kaworu looked down. "Yes. I am getting worried as well." Mana was this weird mix of abashed and joyful, of serious points made and laughter… Kaworu missed her.
"Just… disappeared," Kensuke continued. "Without a word." They hadn't seen the third part of their little… whatever they were since Sunday. Hadn't heard a single word from her. Even ringing her apartment's doorbell had yielded no results.
Kaworu knew Kensuke a little bit better by now, and he liked what he knew of him. Kensuke was just as much an admirer of art as he himself, even if he was rather particular about what sorts of art he was interested in. But his enthusiasm was absolutely genuine, and Kaworu liked whenever Kensuke could display it. Kensuke saw the world in a very special way, and that made him unique… fascinating. When he talked about his interests, entirely lost to the outside world, the eyes behind those glasses shone.
But for all his enthusiasm and for all his highly obscure knowledge, he was unused to people. It wasn't that he was shy; he just was a little bit different than most people and hence had little interaction with them. And knowing that, Kaworu knew what he feared now.
"She hasn't left because of us," the grey-haired boy told his partner. "Leaving didn't seem on her mind."
But she is gone… It had been easy to ignore the first few days; people hastily having to leave was something that happened. But over the past few days, Kaworu had become really concerned. He and Kensuke had stayed close to each other.
"But if she hasn't even left us a message..." Kensuke muttered. "I don't like it. I'm worried about her."
"Hm," Kaworu just voiced. "She would normally have left us a message..." That fact was what made him worry as well.
After a long silence, Kensuke spoke up again. "You know… the rainstorm that hit us on Saturday..."
"What about it?" Kaworu asked. That was the last time they had seen Mana.
"Mana's white dress was drenched," Kensuke went on. "Drenched enough to, uh… you know."
Kaworu smiled at the memory. The dress had become quite transparent. Though both boys had actually done their best to look away when it had become apparent that the situation was in fact rather uncomfortable for the girl. Is she like Asuka in this matter? Though there had been a difference. Asuka had just been outraged at what she had perceived to be an indignity, had seen her being forced to be nude as basically an insult. Mana… Mana had appeared to almost be fretful. Anxious, rather than offended.
"I saw… well I saw something on her back," Kensuke muttered. He seemed embarrassed at the admission of having looked. "A thin white line. Like a scar. Right over her spine."
"I saw that as well," Kaworu agreed.
"Now, it could be coincidence, but..." Kensuke hesitated, looked around and lowered his voice. "Look. My father works for a medical company. He's very high up in their financial department. And what they're telling… their M200 implant has been selling very well lately. And you insert it into the spine."
Kaworu furrowed his brows. "You think Mana has it? And what would that mean?"
"My father didn't want me to know it, but I could look up online what the M200 does," Kensuke explained. "It's a cybernetic control unit. Plug a compatible machine into it, you can control it. But there aren't really many compatible machines around. It's not exactly an everyday item. Usually, the company delivers a few each year to universities for research, or to military forces, probably for their own research. But somebody must recently have made a breakthrough. Otherwise there wouldn't be such a demand now for the implants."
"And you think Mana could be involved in it?" Kaworu asked.
"I think whoever has ordered the implants probably is in Japan," Kensuke continued. "There have been rumours on the net… classified activity around JSSDF bases, that NERV facility at Tokyo-2… some people even claim to have seen evidence of non-EVA mechas!"
Kaworu grinned faintly. That was of course always a topic of great interest to Kensuke. "That doesn't necessarily mean anything."
"It doesn't," Kensuke admitted. "But Mana's scar… it fit perfectly. I looked at dozens of pictures of the implant scars on the net. For hours!"
"For hours?" Kaworu echoed.
"Well..." Kensuke said, abashed. "I was… I am worried. And that was a hint. It could still all be coincidence, but what other hint do we have?"
"That's true," Kaworu conceded. "Hm. We may need support from specialists."
"What do you mean?" Kensuke asked.
Kaworu turned around, now facing the desk, and smiled at him. "You're the best data hunter on the net we could have hoped for. But I have certain contacts as well."
He got out his cell phone and typed in a number. A moment later a voice answered which sounded slightly tired. "Yes?"
"Inspector Kaji?" Kaworu asked. "This is Kaworu Nagisa."
"Ah, the Fifth Child," Kaji stated. "Yes, of course. What's the matter?"
Kaworu could hear a gurgling sound in the background of the call, but ignored it. "You told me to call you if I needed something or had something to say." So Kaji had, after their first meeting. Back then Kaworu hadn't thought he would use the offer; the Inspector's nosiness could have become an inconvenience to him, after all. "As it happens, both are true now. Could you please meet me after the synch-test tomorrow?"
"I had planned to be there anyway," Kaji stated. "Seems like it'll be an important day tomorrow."
"I certainly hope so," Kaworu agreed. "Until then, Inspector."
"Bye," Kaji ended the call.
So Rits isn't even showing up anymore…
That was probably for the better. During the last few synch-tests she had only ever gotten into conflicts with the pilots. It was better for Katsuragi and Ibuki to handle the test. Now, during debriefing, Touji still shot some mistrustful glances towards the two, but didn't say anything, didn't even show annoyance as he had with Ritsuko. And Kaworu and Rei were completely calm, almost serene. Kaji had little doubt that Rei would choose Asuka and Shinji over Katsuragi, but she seemed to be able to work with the Major and that was what mattered.
Asuka had actually visited Katsuragi's apartment the previous day, and had said she needed to talk with her. Kaji had opened the door for her and had found that to be encouraging… but unfortunately, at that time, Katsuragi had been in no state to hold serious talks with anyone. She had been hung over the entire day, well into the evening. Damnit, Katsuragi, stay away from any bottles with Cyrillic on them. One could leave her alone with just about any sort of alcohol; she was an experienced drinker. But the Slavs had methods to bring down everyone.
It was good that Asuka was willing to talk, though. Maybe things could get better between her and Katsuragi again. And maybe also between Shinji and Katsuragi. Maybe the kids hadn't written her off the way she thought they had. And maybe it was even useful that any talks had been delayed. Before matters could be cleared between the pilots and Katsuragi, matters between them and NERV had to be cleared first. Katsuragi was still the Operations Director, after all. No matter how much goodwill she had towards the pilots, that sentiment would always be in conflict with her role.
Kaji had slept in his own apartment again the previous night. When he and Katsuragi had met in the Geofront again, she had been entirely formal again. Kaji just didn't understand her. He dearly believed it was impossible to truly understand another person but with Katsuragi… his relationship with Katsuragi really drove that point home. And it bothered him more with Katsuragi than with other people.
But of course, if she were to need his help again, he'd be there again.
After Ibuki had ended the debriefing, everyone not part of the science department left the Pribnow Box again. Walking along a bit, he laid a hand on Kaworu's shoulder. The two separated from the others and walked down some corridors.
"You wanted to talk to me?" Kaji asked.
"Yes," Kaworu confirmed. "Wait a moment, please." The two walked on in silence. Finally, Kaworu announced, "Too far." He walked some steps back and then gestured. "Stay here, please, Inspector."
Kaji grinned uncertainly but did as he was told. "What's this about?"
Kaworu just smiled enigmatically. "Something for our own protection. Now tell me, Mr Kaji… What do you want to know about SEELE?"
Kaji did a double take. Did he just mention SEELE? What would a simple pilot know… But Kaworu was no simple pilot. Kaji didn't know what he was, but it certainly wasn't simple.
"This isn't the place to talk about that!" Kaji insisted.
"No," Kaworu agreed. "But are you interested?"
Kaji hesitated. That seemed all too easy. He didn't believe in gifts just falling into his lap. "What do you know?"
Kaworu shrugged. "There is much I don't know, and much about me I can't tell you. But I… let's just say I was raised by SEELE. As a pilot."
That made a certain amount of sense, though it also made Kaji wonder why SEELE wouldn't just leave such business to NERV. NERV Japan was under Ikari's sway, but NERV Germany was SEELE's loyal lapdog. And how did they even know he was pilot material? The Marduk Institute is a scam…
"Well, I'm interested, obviously," Kaji admitted. This had definitely raised his interest. Too bad he'll stay tight-lipped about himself. He narrowed his eyes. "What do you want in return?" Kaji knew there always was a price.
"Information for information," Kaworu told him. "I will tell you everything I know about SEELE. In return, you will find out what you can about a girl… a classmate of mine."
Kaji nearly laughed. Given the topic they were talking about and given Kaworu's enigmatic nature, that seemed utterly mundane. "You want me to spy on a crush of yours?"
"I don't even know where she is right now," Kaworu answered, unfazed. "But I suspect something has happened to her. There is a suspicion she might have a M200 implant, if that tells you anything."
"It does," Kaji answered glumly. "Are you sure? Who'd implant that in a child?"
"What do you mean?" Kaworu asked.
"Active M200s… they have some side effects," Kaji told him. "It's experimental tech. They should never have started human tests with it, but after Second Impact..." He shook his head. "That's when everything became screwed up."
Kaworu seemed to stiffen. "One more reason then to find her. Her name is Mana Kirishima. She's in my class. Lives with an uncle of hers… Yohei Kaneko is the name. Also, regarding M200s… some organization inside Japan may currently be ordering them en masse, at least by previous standards. So there could be a connection."
"I see..." Kaji commented. Apparently the case was far less mundane than he had assumed at first. Of course our mysterious Fifth Child wouldn't be so simple. "Well, I can certainly look into this."
Kaworu nodded. "In that case, I will share with you what I know about SEELE."
"Give me the weekend so I can give you at least some preliminary results?" Kaji offered.
"Alright. So shall we meet on Sunday or Monday?" Kaworu asked.
"The weekend may be busy for me," Kaji told him. "How about I call you on Monday?"
"That works for me," Kaworu confirmed. "Until then, let us not speak of it. Especially not here."
"You started the talk here," Kaji reminded him, grumbling.
"This is a safe zone," Kaworu claimed and smiled. "Goodbye, Inspector." And thus he walked off.
Kaji shook his head. He just couldn't over how weird Kaworu was. Still, if the boy had information… and even only knowing about SEELE, knowing just the name, was a sort of proof that he did. This will be an interesting Sunday.
But for now, he had other things to do. With a broad grin on his face, he made his way towards Commander Ikari's office.
That office was a gigantic room, full with kabbalistic scribblings all over the floor and the ceiling. Is Ikari so insecure? Fortunately, Kaji didn't need to appear impressed. He wasn't a NERV employee, after all. That was fortunate. It meant that Ikari couldn't play his usual game with him, the game of having his underling stand twenty metres apart from his desk. Instead, as a U.N. Inspector who officially was to have free access to all parts of NERV (a lie, as Kaji knew), he could walk right up to the desk, and also keep his carefree smirk on his face.
Ikari, of course, showed no reaction. His pose and face were the same as if Kaji had stepped 20m away from him.
As always, he left it to his lackey to start the conversation. "You wanted to see the Commander and me?" Fuyutsuki asked.
"As Inspector, certain recent developments have come to my attention that… worry me," Kaji explained. "Developments that need to be checked, either by NERV itself or by the U.N.."
Fuyutsuki, standing behind Ikari, looked at him with an iron gaze. "I think we understand your point, Inspector."
"Then let me candid," Kaji continued. "The current status of relationships between NERV Command and the pilots is highly alarming. Shinji is still a wreck, Asuka doesn't even come to synch-tests anymore, Suzuhara and Ritsuko are openly shouting at each other, and Kaworu is, frankly, unpredictable." There was also Rei, of course. Kaji strongly suspected she wasn't as loyal to Ikari anymore as when he had first met her. But he was not about to tell the Commander that. "If an angel attacks tomorrow, NERV command will have trouble to get the EVAs to even walk in the same direction."
"The situation is well under control," Ikari grumbled.
"Yes, I'm sure you can get Touji to follow orders… under duress." Kaji conceded. "And Rei probably will as well. But with the angels continuing to attack, this isn't a stable situation."
"Odd of you to stress this point, Inspector," Ikari cautioned him. "Maintaining the pilot corps' discipline is after all Major Katsuragi's duty."
Kaji's perpetual smirk became thin. "I'm well aware of that." And fuck you, too. That's why I'm doing this. For her sake.
"Don't play dumb," Ikari told him off calmly. "If you want to stress the lack of discipline among the corps, this will only end up reflecting badly on Katsuragi."
"I want to stress the bad relations between pilots and command," Kaji corrected him. "A problem for which command has its fair share of blame to carry."
"Everyone at NERV has simply been doing their job," Fuyutsuki disagreed.
Kaji grinned at that formulation. Asuka sure would have had one thing or two to say about this. And she surely would have mentioned Nuremberg. "The pilots have valid complaints. And if NERV won't hear them, it will endanger the defence of the world."
Fuyutsuki replied, "So would you have NERV be bound to the childish temper tantrums of..."
"...children," Kaji cut him off. "That's what they are. You want to send them into battle, but at the same time treat them as children whenever it is convenient for you. How long do you think they will tolerate that? You have bound Touji to you, but what about Asuka? Or Shinji or Kaworu? What if they finally get fed up and just leave?"
"Do you think that a likely prospect, Inspector?" Ikari asked. He made himself sound almost disinterested, but Kaji knew better.
There had been insinuations by those three pilots that they could leave. Katsuragi had been desperate about the prospect Asuka might. Having known Asuka for years, Kaji found that hard to imagine. But it served his position to make it look that way, of course. "Those children go out there and fight. They get whipped all over, their chest pierced through, boiled, their chestplate torn open, their mind violated… and yet, they get no respect. That is what they're complaining about. Worse, they might even get degraded, as part of that job. Why shouldn't they just leave that job then?"
"They have a duty to humanity," Fuyutsuki declared. But it sounded unsure.
Personally, Kaji tended to agree. Some people simply didn't have the luxury of being selfish. He had learned that the hard way, and had been carrying the guilt with him ever since. But the pilots wouldn't need to. He could make it look like they could leave, without them ever intending to do so.
"Most of them have nothing else but piloting," Gendo added. "And the Fourth Child is, as you have noted, bound to us."
"And how is that working out for you so far?" Kaji asked provocatively. "How about you just sit together with the pilots and talk. Say… three people from NERV Command, three pilots. And I'll mediate."
"We won't let ourselves be held ransom," Fuyutsuki declared. "This is a military organization, not a business company with union representation."
"And if the Children don't like this, hey, they can just leave, after all," Kaji commented with a grin. "Besides, if the U.N. hears you are treating your, ehem, 'child research assistants' like soldiers, well..."
"What do you mean?" Fuyutsuki asked.
"I have compiled a possible report to the U.N. General Assembly," Kaji told him and Ikari. He laid a data disk on the desk. "Needless to say I have many, many copies of that. Some of them at drop boxes with a dead man switch. Unless I decide otherwise, the report will reach the General Assembly and several media outlets worldwide. It lays out in great detail how the EVA pilots are treated like child soldiers, how NERV would even have sacrificed one of them, how NERV sank a child into Mt Asama, way beyond the maximum safety line, how NERV put PR concerns above working together with the conventional forces and the JSSDF, even prioritized 'saving face' above rescuing people at Matsushiro… you get my drift."
"We do," Ikari merely confirmed, his voice emotionless.
"I have no doubt that this report would get quickly squashed by… certain forces within the U.N., shall we say?" Kaji continued. "But the same forces might ask how NERV could allow to reach that point. And regions around the world with a less than perfect control of the press might continue to carry the story. I'm sure it would be inconvenient."
"We'd survive," Fuyutsuki told him.
"Yes," Kaji agreed."The end result would be that the report wouldn't achieve anything, but you'd have a great amount of trouble. So I think we'd both be better off if this can be avoided."
"By holding those talks," Fuyutsuki concluded.
"And coming to a reasonable agreement," Kaji added. "As an added bonus, for that case, the local yakuza has agreed to stop its attacks."
There was a long silence from the other side of the desk. Finally, Ikari spoke up, "I thought we had an agreement, Mr Kaji."
"I upheld my end of it," Kaji reminded him. He lowered his voice. "That does not mean I am forever in your service. And a dead U.N. Inspector would… draw attention."
Again silence. Again, Ikari ended it. "We will send you a schedule for the talks, Inspector. The Vice Commander will take care of it."
Fuyutsuki slightly raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. Kaji understood his cue to leave and did so.