Constantine – The Laughing Magician Presents; Life in the Real World

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Chapter 3: Into the Rapids

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I've had it up to here with running backwards; head first into the waves of my own set of faults, demons. Call them what you will, Mates. Uh, yet when it means a rift opening up in Dublin next – well, say no more. I'm dead wrong if that beastie that's impersonating a bleeding deity gets to have his way with my bones. I'm not done making him into a set of boots. This case is a strange one, yet I've handled far worse. Oh! Is it that time already? Right then…. where was I? …

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The waves cast the two; beast babe and laughing magi to the side, swishing violently as the wide tendrils of the Beithir – nimh came crashing forth without remorse. A single snake couldn't get away with enslaving these folk… It spoke; saying Hurley let it in…

Well, only a demon could sway a mortal. It was a real pity. Hurley was the one who'd sworn to protect Ness with his pledge under the old laws of his family name. How he'd ended up betraying his oath, was a question for the ages.

The kid was cared for by the waves, kept from harm as much as possible. That was to tenderize the meat, to see that Beithir – nimh's meal didn't fall apart from too much rough handling.

Snarling, it came at us, until the only way out had to be through the only unblocked tunnel, a wall. And a stony one without curses to keep it standing for long.

"This might sting a bit, but Beast – face can handle a few pounds of mortar an' grit!" I got good and ready to spell.

Hands up to the wall, face contorted as I'm concentratin' on also keeping the boat from breaking in two by the serpent's massive tail. I'm casting away, to rip open the way for us. This world was a bleak one if ever I had even considered a watery grave early on. Hell! This wanker'd rather choke on Beithir – nimh's venom than commit to any snake cultist's plotting.

~ Dèan briseadh air a' chnap-starra seo, thoir air an fhear a bheir ionnsaigh air an neach-gleidhidh! Thoir air falbh clach agus aol - thoir air ais e dha na h-uisgeachan gu h-ìosal! ~

Levitating and rattling from the wall, the pieces chucked relentlessly at the serpent's head, I grin. Its many parts scattered, falling to the base of the waterway's canal bed, while me and my new fishing escaped outside into the bog. Looks like humans still have a hand over the gods' rules.

The Loch was quiet at night, it wasn't until the roar of the Beithir – nimh came well to rack at my poor bloody ears and to have mini – Ness shudder on while he's being kept from the fighting snake – demon's clutches.

"We aren't in it! You cannot harm her son while you're cursed to stay here…!"" I called on back to the serpent as its head was revealed. Dark red eyes as rubies, as the cult followers went away and hid with their hungry master.

"Hurley…. I'm sorry…." I'm done. I'm shaking my aching skull to this... The telekinetic wasn't only in Beithir – nimh. The little beastie was butting its head in thanks at me, but I was not –

Prepared to face, HER.

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As I was sayin'; who takes a vacation and ends up on the job soon after? Plenty of folk, I imagine – Hey! I'm not done with the story. Sit back down, you lot. Where…Ah! The Lady of reason, herself. And my absolute favorite deity next to Ishtar. Raaw!

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Reason, well. I had reason to holler and scream, seeing as I'd been caught in the act. Nessie was not the one I had to fret over. It was the Goddess of the shore. The Lady of the Lake, herself.

Might I bring this into a more magically inclined, perspective? Lovely, then. Give er' a whirl…

Her name; is Nimuë, at least to we Brits and to the Scottish Highlands those blokes have other names to call her by. A lesser deity, she must've' sniffed out the serpent in the castle. She's a creature of mystery, unknown to those who'd stick sharp spikes into their brains to brand her a sodden Kelpie. She's more than that, for I've known too many gods and their alternate selves to be where I am today.

I'd tip a hat to her if I had any to, yet all I can do is informally bow this "the Lady of the Lake." And mind you, her history is not only with Arthurian lore. How she ended up in the Highlands is news to even the youngest Ness right beside…. Oh…. Brilliant, mate. I have to buy a new suit for my flight in the next hour! And in front of the god's messenger? You must have had quite a spill –

Rabble on I could, but this is of the utmost importance. Dear gods, do I need a real vacation for once…

Her lightest aura hangs about her shoulders as tells me that she's not just returned for a bit of her cloak that I'm still carrying around in my pockets.

~ You are a mortal, yet ye hath carried on to – day to see to the protection of this species to their lands and beyond it. Why? Ye hath summoned a portion of my cloth. I demand it be returned. ~

She was very direct, for a sea sprite.

"Oh, I do apologize, lov. I…was protecting a job of taking Ness's babe from the jaws of that nasty thing right –

A roar interrupted us from back at the wall, where Beithir – nimh's head might be proddin' out at me…Looks like it was still psychic for now. I went back to Nimuë and tried my best to speak my piece. "I'm sorry, Mistress of the Loch." I tried to keep my peace as well as my balls. She's a temptress if ever I saw such a lash to be bat at me.

"The young ness was about to be sacrificed to a devious cult. Turns out I'll be here a while to reunite the Ness and Mum, then I have to banish the Beithir – nimh to its realm and close the gates. Sounds, fair enough to you, if I can have the cloth as payment? Of, course, nothing much to it…"

The fabric would come in bloody handy for an underwater excursion. A real "Band" fanatic, this one is.

~Thou hath proven thyself victorious with the serpent; for this, I shall allow your wish SHOULD you banish the creature from these lands, and so forth to you – mortal of the saints and whisperers, ye shan't be to our shores should ye fail to erase the monster from the land of the Loch. I trust that thy confidence in not lost? ~

"Aye. And I intend to do what I know only a magi can swear to, Mistress Gwragedd Nnnwn."

She'd looked at me as if I were a crooked bastard. That I am. An' to say a Goddess's true name at the stroke of twilight is just askin' for a pop on the noggin by a water spirit.

~ Then ye shall bring the beast to fall, and so too will this deployment of ships and unwelcoming gatherings to the Loch mother's cove. ~

"Ness just hatched a swell one, of course. If she needs the time as any mother, I'll make sure the tourists stay clear –

~ They must never return. ~

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~ Extra! Extra! Miscreant no – gooder, John Constantine ends age old tourist attraction through means of communicating with the divine…. ~

What a headline. I mean it, mate. Can you only picture how many biddies and baldies dreams I'd of' crushed? (I'm playing with words! It is fairly inaccurate! I swear this I know!) Well, it is about to be far worse for our magi of the hour. Look alive!

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