After lunch, Arthur and John announced they had business that needed to be taken care of and departed much against their children's plead to stay in the house and keep on playing all together with Charlie and Ela.
It wasn't long after Polly and Ada decided it was time to go home, and they left Arrow House as well.
It was already past 2 o'clock and Ela paced in her room, Charlie had been taken by Frances to do some afternoon shopping for the house, and Ela thought she could have some relaxing time to spare, but found herself restless and thinking about how the invitation to the benefit ball had caused such upsetness by her employer.
At some point, she became angry herself, not understanding his motives, and not believing the way he had talked to Ada, although calm while doing so, the scent of rage she had felt on him indicated how strongly against the idea he was, and she started thinking how he thought so differently of her than the rest of the family.
She had no intention of becoming so close to them but since it had happened and the relationship was so good for everyone she couldn't understand why it distressed him so that they would want her to join one of their events, and then she thought of how everyone was seeing her as a friend except for him; perhaps Mr. Shelby was embarrassed to have the nanny join the luxurious event where all the guests although criminals, lived opulent lives, she felt diminished if that was his thinking, even more so when she respected him so and viewed him as such an admirable figure, maybe he only saw her as the help.
Although she came from money she no longer held the status; she knew in any circumstance she would not behave improperly around the guests in any way, why didn't he see that? She was already friends with Alfie and had been around the Shelbys enough to know how to conduct herself when around gangsters, but despite all that, Thomas Shelby didn't want her there. When he arrived at the house she would inform him she would speak with Ada and the rest if necessary to decline the invitation not wanting to be a catalyst of conflict between the family and a source of embarrassment for him.
But again, she couldn't put her mind at ease, and pacing around the room was not helping either, she needed to clear her head.
She picked the simplest rope bag she had, went to the kitchen, grabbed some fruit and water and within minutes she was out of the house walking to the background and far away from the mansion. At some point, her thoughts agitated her so that she just sprinted feeling the cold air in her face, running from her insecurities. When her muscles were burning from the motions she stopped catching her breath and feeling the outing was already helping her feel better and more resolved. Looking back she could barely distinguish the house, suddenly the large mansion had become no more than a dot in the distance.
She saw an old tree nearby and decided she would spend the rest of the afternoon in it. She climbed and settled in a large branch, one knee up while the other leg hung loose. Drinking some water she felt her spirit was much smoother in regards to the afternoon events, and realized although she saw Thomas Shelby as someone worth admiring, she could not force him to see her in the same light, or to at least consider her as anything more than the governess, and it was normal, he was a businessman and not used to esteeming much the people that worked for him, the war, his job and the many tragedies he had endured had turned his heart cold.
Arthur dealt with it with opium or snow amongst the violence he was capable of, Ela had noticed him consume copious amounts when he thought no one was watching and she had gotten to know of the fights he had been part of, seeing him injured afterward many times in the past; John, she had noticed liked to be involved in the more violent deals they had to take care of, being around explosives, fires and beatings to whoever had done them wrong gave him some relief from the anger he carried with him, no doubt the war had shifted their spirits into wrecked versions of the men they could have been, and Ela felt a tear escape her eye knowing she had too suffered and although she would not dare compare it to the horrors of war, she wondered if she would have also been different if not by the tortures her family had perpetrated.
Closing her eyes, she let her psyche rest while her senses caught what they could around her, after a while the air was colder and it carried somewhat moist with it; the birds were singing less and less by the minute, and the soil beneath had changed its quality, the earth smelled stronger, when she opened her eyes she noticed large grey clouds had gathered in the sky and it would start raining any minute now.
It was funny she thought, how the weather had conspired to be aligned with her feelings. For a moment she considered running back to the house to find shelter from the downpour this would turn out to be, but decided against it, it was too far either way and she would be drenched if she stayed or left. As the storm began, feeling melancholic as she was, the rain turned out to bring her solace, and she felt every drop as it spread down her body.
Tommy had been riding for a few hours now when he noticed the weather changing around him and being so far from the house we would be caught in the storm before arriving home.
He sighed but didn't feel any regret for his outing as it had helped clear his head. He had been unreasonable and had shown it to his family, losing his mind when it came to the woman taking care of his son. Thinking about her getting involved in their activities with the sole purpose of finding a match made his jaw clench.
The closeness with the woman had brought him to consider how much less he had been thinking about Grace lately.
A couple of years had already gone by since her death, and although time had healed his heart immensely, the last couple of months had been what had carried him out of his grief completely; but thinking how Ela would be attending the ball to find a man to share her life with, was almost as troubling as the fact she would be the second woman he cared for attending an event where the first had been murdered.
He shook his head, letting go of the worst-case scenario he was imagining. There was no reason for anyone to harm her and an incident around the house had not happened in a very long time. What concerned him the most at the moment was how quickly he had gotten attached to the girl, jealousy coursing his veins picturing her with another when they were not even involved, his numb heart had awakened to her.
Polly was only half right. That bridge might not burn, but someone else might get closer to crossing it than himself if things didn't take a turn.
Still caught up in his thoughts and getting soaked in the pouring rain Tommy noticed a sound ahead, he could hear someone sing loud enough that it could be carried above the storm. Speeding up the pace of the horse, the sound seemed to get closer and then he stopped to watch.
Ela was sitting in the middle of the field, she had her knees up, her arms elongated and positioned behind her to keep her steady and her head up with her eyes closed while she sang. She was drenched with the rainfall, and Tommy noticed a bag hanging from a tree branch nearby. no doubt hers since it was purple.
Her clothes were filled with dirt from the ground she was sitting on; her hair was loose and messy from the rain, to remove the strings from her face she ran a hand through it never stopping the tune she continued to sing to the sky.
How is it that being a mess she has never looked better? Tommy considered watching her a moment longer before smiling and deciding it was time to approach her.
Just as Ela was thinking she must look like a lunatic in her current position but paying no mind as no one was around to see her, she felt it, that scent she so longed for.
Her eyes opened hurriedly and she turned her head around quickly believing her nose was deceiving her, but there he was, he had come off his horse and was moving the aminal along by the bridle walking slowly in her direction.
She felt immediately ashamed of her condition and stood up from the ground. Even when the rain had made her cold, her cheeks blushed furiously.
He was a vision, although his whole suit was drenched with the rain, he looked perfect, elegant, composed, confident, what every man should look like, and none but him could.
-"Since your last close encounter with a tree, I wouldn't think you go near them so quickly, much less climb one, Miss Dawson," he said removing his cap, folding it, and saving it in his coat pocket without breaking eye contact with her while a smirk played in his lips.
Ela looked back at her bag still hanging on the branch and blushed a little more, not wanting him to have such a weak impression of her.
-"I'm not a toddler Mr. Shelby, I can handle myself".
-"Yes I can see that Miss Dawson" Ela looked to her side pushing her lips into a line and shutting her eyes, thinking how much worse was that instead of him seeing her as weak, he saw her as a disheveled wreck.
-"I got caught up in the storm Mr. Shelby going back to the house would have been pointless," she said opening her eyes and talking decidedly to prove it had been a moment of freedom, and lack of thought, but she was back to her well-mannered self.
-"And yet instead of seeking refuge by the tree line, here I found you, on the ground, soaked, singing no less" He let his eyes travel up and down the woman's body, an image he would carry with him for as long as he might live, as there was nothing like it that could compare. The clothes clutched every inch of her skin, revealing lines of her body no man but he had seen. The most stylish woman strolling through the fancy streets of London held nothing against Ela's chaos of a presence, she was the most beautiful creature he had met.
Yes, a lunatic indeed.
Ela cursed herself inside her head for not thinking him of all people might have been close by to watch the spectacle she had put up.
He noticed how she was fidgeting to find an answer from the discomfort he had put her in, and secretly loved it, watching her restless under his questioning gaze was too much of an enjoyment for him, and it had been too long since he had a chance to put her well on the spot. Too long since they had been alone.
Before she could manage to answer him, he interrupted her thoughts.
-"You must be careful Miss Dawson, you might get people to think you rather enjoy getting... wet" As he emphasized the last word Ela took a large step back knowing her blushed reaction was not the only one coming, despite the embarrassment, the comment had made her too excited, his words made her insides shiver with want, her blood boiled with desperation for relief, and as much as she wanted to dissipate the black in her eyes, her pupils grew wide.
Her tumble earlier in the fountain and being in the heavy rain for so long had washed away most of the salve he had gotten so used to her wearing.
And even in between the downpour where the smell of fresh soil was heavy in the air, her pheromones filled the space between them.
Tommy let go of the bridle and took a step closer toward her, his nature taking control of him as his instincts had fogged his rational thinking.
She saw the look in his eyes change to display the Alpha in him, and the Omega in her began a battle with the woman she was, the first wanting to move in his direction, the other wanting to keep walking back, both feelings were too strong and they left her right in the middle, not moving at all.
-"I just like the weather Mr. Shelby" she managed to say more in a gasp than anything else.
-"Aye, I can see that Miss Dawson, I do wonder why" he spoke while trying with all his might to pull himself together being just two feet away from her and very well knowing he could have her, and she would let him, her rugged voice implied as much, and he would make it good for her, he would make her scream in ecstasy, beg for more, give him all he wished to take.
She thought about it for a second averting his eyes from him, her pupils still dark and wanting with all her might for him to wrap his arms around her and entrap her there; do whatever he wished with her; please himself, and make her feel whole.
But then her mind shifted, and the Omega couldn't but agree with the woman because if it were to happen, she firmly believed it would only be because of their natures, because of genes, scents, and pheromones, not because he felt strongly about her other than what she represented as an Omega.
Her heart sunk painfully realizing, that for her, their natures were not the only thing making her flutter when he was around; why she always longed for their chats even when he made her feel so unbalanced; why it had hurt so bad when he had reacted poorly at the idea of her being more involved in his life even if it was at a simple ball.
She had fallen in love with the man, but he didn't recognize her apart from her top-rated side.
Although the realization had hurt her heart, somehow, it had also cleared her mind, and she knew at least for the time being, she could control herself as neither the Omega side nor her own self would want to give in to him just to be tossed aside as another one of his conquests.
She thought about his question again, whyever did she like a weather such as this? but feeling the rain slide into her skin she discerned it.
She looked him dead in the eye never feeling so resolved and moved by her pain, she answered.
-"Because Mr. Shelby, God is in the rain".
Tommy stopped on the spot contemplating her response and swearing a couple of the drops rolling down her cheeks were not from the rain.
They looked into each other's eyes intently, an eternity going by and none of them faltering the other's gaze, and Tommy wondered what had happened in the few seconds her complexion had changed from such desperation and desire to the serious and decided woman standing in front of him, with an air of painful determination surrounding her.
His advances toward her most likely offended her he contemplated, and even with her blood ignited with lust, she had wanted to make him stop, but he wondered what she would have done had he not stopped.
-"Quite the gift you have Miss Dawson, feeling God's presence in the rain," he said running a hand through his hair that had come out to his face.
-"That's just it Mr. Shelby, I can feel him everywhere, I hear him in Charlie's laughter, I see him in Polly's eyes when she smiles, in your siblings when they hug each other; and in times such as this, I feel him in the rain" she honestly said knowing her heart would heal if it was brought back to memories of the happiness she had lived. The blessing she had been graced with.
-"I wonder Miss Dawson if you feel him everywhere, tell me, where is he in me?" his inquisitioning gaze returned, wanting to know her impressions as he believed he was not a man that could be considered as close to God, he did not believe in it either, but he was smiling at her, and she in return smiled back with a sweet look on her face.
-"It's in you when you play along the lawn with your son; when you take your brothers' faces in your hands making them notice how much you care for them even when your eyes don't show it; when you discuss politics with Ada and end up passing bills in parliament to ensure housing for the poor; when you take the time to visit Polly making her smile because there's no business to discuss; I saw it when you got Curly his own horse; when you ensured the metal yard was safely put in your uncle's name; when you give Frances and the maids more money than agreed upon because you know how much they need it; When you pardoned Alfie's life after his attempt on Arthur because, in his own way, he warned you, and he's a dear friend; I saw it the day we met when you let me work in your house, God is always in you Mr. Shelby".
She was blunt she knew, maybe it was from being around the family so much, and she had poured her heart out for him, maybe too evidently that he would know how she felt, but knowing they would never be together, it was her only way of showing him how much she cared, how much good she saw in him, how much she loved him.
Tommy felt a sting in his heart.
It had been too long since he had felt it beat that way, almost as long since he had heard someone say anything good about him.
This woman in her governess role, being so close to him, didn't seem scared or even faced when she learned about his criminal ways, she could see it no doubt, noticing his meetings with dangerous-looking men, watching him arrive at the house with blood in his hands and face when a deal had gone wrong and offering her help to clean up instead of running the other way.
She was something else, a different kind of woman, and what he was feeling at the moment was not animalistic, it wasn't instinct-driven, the Alpha was not present, it was him; him being enticed and enraptured by her.
-"You see a lot Ela; you do a lot too, if your God is here now, the closest I'll get to him is by taking you home safely, c'mon".
Hearing him call her by her name always made her heart do a backward flip on her chest and somehow she knew he would not say much about her words, it was alright she thought, it was not within him to express much, but she noticed what she said had affected him in some way, his eyes were riped, for once, she had made him unsettled.
Once again he got close, closer than he had ever gotten to her before, this time she didn't pull back, just watched him move while her pulse quickened expecting what he would do.
When there were only a couple of inches between them she looked up to marvel at his eyes while he looked down at her with an emotion she couldn't quite read but it was awfully similar to admiration, he took off his large coat and put it around her shoulders.
It was warm and it smelled of him, his scent mixed with whiskey, cigarettes, and his cologne; he looked at her through his long eyelashes once more before pulling back, none of them said a word and he removed his suit jacket placing it above the horse seat for a moment before walking past her.
He climbed the tree in a few swift motions and untangled her bag from the branch returning to where she looked at him handing it over, she thanked him and put it over her shoulder while he walked back to the horse, he decided against putting the jacket on again and once he was mounted, he offered his hand to Ela for her to climb up. He could see the hesitation in her eyes at joining him, they would be too close and it was a long way back, even more in the rain where they could not go as fast as they would on a normal day, but looking into his eyes once more she accepted the hand and took her place behind him.
Although she fought against it, after a while of riding Ela felt too tired from the day's activities, her eyes felt heavy and she thought by closing them she would be okay but much too soon she fell asleep.
Tommy noticed Ela's breathing becoming too steady from her normal ragged pattern when around him, he carefully looked back and noticed she was fast asleep, he smiled to himself, and stopped riding for a moment pulling her even closer to him, so her head would rest in his neck and her arms enclosed his waist to prevent her from falling, then he begun riding again feeling her warm breath along his back and into his heart. But he chuckled a little knowing quite well what her reaction would be when she realized how close she had scooped against him and the way her arms had clung to his hips.
Feeling her body against his made his blood boil even when the atmosphere was freezing, and although he was hard on his trousers, the protectiveness of the Alpha was what he noticed most in his mind, thinking of ways to keep her from any danger, any harm, how in his arms Ela fit perfectly and he would not let her feel the pain that didn't come along with pleasure.
Sooner than he would have liked, they arrived at the house while the storm continued, he took them to the stables, and knowing she would get startled from waking and could fall off the horse, Tommy reached back putting his hands behind her knees safely in his grasp he then stated calling her name softly until he felt her move a little.
From a dream of dancing in a snow-covered forest while a wolf watched her move, Ela heard a sweet soft voice calling her from the distance and she ran toward the heart-warming sound feeling safer and safer as she approached, the wolf running alongside her as a guardian or companion until she reached a bright light and opened her eyes.
Feeling both cold and warm her head rose from where it lay which was the most pacific spot, it was mellow and smelled better than any fragrance she could remember, her hands stretched and she noticed they were enveloping a somewhat muscular wall that was also against her chest, she felt frightened at the feeling and the alarmed movements made her uneven while she pushed away realizing where she was and what she had done.
-"If you don't wish to fall off a horse Miss Dawson, I would advise you to steady yourself" she heard her boss say and felt his hands holding both her legs preventing her from falling, he knew her too well already knowing she would react in such a way, but even that contact had made it worse for her. She breathed through her mouth calming her racing heart and when Tommy noticed she was settled, although he didn't want to, he let go of her and came off the horse taking her hand to help her off as well.
She wanted to walk away without saying a word feeling foolish and self-conscious but managed to thank him for bringing her back to the house. When she was about to leave, she recalled her decision from earlier and spoke again.
-"Mr. Shelby, I understand you don't want me to attend the ball, I'll let Ada know I won't be assisting, I'm sorry she brought it up" She bowed her head and started walking away.
-"Oi, what made you decide that Ela, eh?" Tommy was not surprised by her choice, and he knew the likely reason behind it, his outburst had made her feel guilty, but he wanted to hear her say it. He had to make her understand whatever she was thinking was not true.
-"Sir, I could tell you were not on board with the idea, and I don't want to disturb you" Now more than ever Ela needed to watch her step, she didn't want to be caught underneath the heaviness of her feelings for him.
-"And here I thought you were not concerning yourself any longer with notions of disturbing me" Referencing the accord they had agreed on months back might change her mind and he wouldn't need to explain his reasoning any further. Although he wanted her to know how he felt, he wanted to take her in his arms and never let go, it would be selfish.
For the first time in such a long time that he could not recall the last one he considered someone else than himself above his own wishes, he didn't want to be selfish with her now. After their conversation, he ascertained fancying her would only cause her trouble, his life was a never-ending tragedy upon tragedy, his deals, his work, working for the crown, with mobsters, killers, it was all too dangerous and he didn't want to put her in it more than she already was in her current position.
Although it made his chest fill with despair, maybe she would find a less dangerous path with someone else who could offer her an adventurous life but not as troublesome as his own.
She was too good, too good for him, for anyone if he was being honest, and she deserved more than he could offer.
He would continue seeing her, teasing her, hearing her sweet voice, feeling her scent, and most of all enjoying her presence for as long as she would allow it, but recognizing Polly had been right for the countless time in her life, he needed to be prepared for whenever it was he had to let her go.
-"Mr. Shelby you made it clear this afternoon it wasn't something you agreed with, you're the master of this house, and I won't attend if it makes you unsettled" Ela felt resignation in her chest along with confusion as to why he was having a change of heart when he had displayed his true feelings so clearly earlier, and knowing him better than in the past, she could see ache in his eyes, even if she didn't know why it was there.
-"My family wants you there and so do I, if you wish to not make me unsettled, you'll assist. Perhaps wearing something less... fitted" he walked past her leaving her with a blush to her cheeks and bewilderment in her mind. She caught the smell of affliction mixed with tenderness pouring from him and knew it would be too long before her heart would let go of him.