Oh my gosh it's time for chapter 2! I hope you are all very excited.

I am, for one, very excited.

Because haha it's been determined I don't have an angst threshold!

I hope you enjoy my lack of angst threshold—this is only the beginning!

Oh by the way James swears a lot and says bad things! He's very mad.

Enjoy! Happy reading!

It's not real yet, James convinces himself. Concerts go by quickly.

There was no way Kendall actually convinced all four of them to leave the stage in the middle of the concert.

That didn't happen, James wouldn't have let that happen.

Griffin did not say Big Time Rush was done. Griffin did not say that.

Griffin was crazy, he already tried to disband them once. That didn't work.

So, it wouldn't work now.

They were still Big Time Rush, they were still famous, they were still on tour.

James chooses not to look at the clock on the wall. He chooses not to look over at Mrs. Knight, who is packing.

Or Carlos, who has declared permanent residence in the swirly slide.

Or Katie, who's standing over her mother, rearranging everything that she throws inside the suitcases.

Or the open front door that Kendall forgot to shut on his way up to Jo's apartment. He's probably been up there for at least an hour.

Or the open bedroom doors. Logan was in James's bedroom, looking for something. He could hear him. Then, he had moved to his own bedroom, maybe he had left, maybe he didn't. James didn't hear him anymore.

He seemed better than he had at the concert.

Which is why this doesn't make any sense at all. This is why this isn't real.

Bitters did not tell them that they have twenty-four hours to leave.

Of course not.

Balloons would've fallen out of the ceiling, that's what happened last time.

No balloons fell out of the ceiling.

It didn't happen, then.

This is just a dream.

—

"We have to break up."

"Logan, what are you talking about?"

Camille watches as Logan remains firmly planted in the doorway. "I want to break up."

She pulls him inside, shutting the door. "I don't think you do."

She didn't.

"We have to."

"We don't have to do anything."

Camille wrapped her arms around him. She had started to shake, her hands were shaking are she grabbed the back of his shirt, pressing her face down into his shoulder.

Logan doesn't push her away, he doesn't tense up.

He's the one who initiates the kiss, he's the one who holds on tighter.

There's no way he wants to break up.

"Camille, recent data—"

He's still holding her, he's started to shake too.

"Data can be wrong, Logan."

She knows that even as she says it, he doesn't believe her.

"I want to break up," he repeats.

He doesn't, it's so clearly obvious. She kisses him again.

"Camille."

He doesn't pull away. He's not serious.

"I think that you're saying these things because you think you have to."

Logan is silent. He pulls away.

They're not going to break up. They're going to be fine, they'll get through whatever this is.

"Didn't you hear about the tour?" Logan whispers.

Camille knows how the rest of this is going to go. She tries to convince herself she won't know. Logan isn't going to say Big Time Rush is over. Logan isn't going to say that they have to leave the Palm Woods. Logan is not going to say he and the guys are going back to Minnesota.

But of course she heard about the tour. It's all over the internet, it's all over the news.

LOGAN MITCHELL'S BIG TIME BREAKDOWN.

That's what Pop Tiger called it.

Logan is going to say all these things, and he's just going to say it, he's not going to waste time, he's going to say it all at once before she can even put two words together. Like he's reciting data.

She wants to tell him life is not a statistic, he is not a statistic, he can take his time with words, he can slow down, she'll listen to him, always.

She wants to tell him she doesn't care about what happened at the concert.

But before she could do any of that, she had to answer him.

"Yeah," she says quietly.

"Griffin dissolved the whole music division."

Camille knew that the only thing keeping RCM CBT Global Sanyoid's music division afloat was Big Time Rush. "Logan—"

"Gustavo and Kelly got fired."

Camille nodded, slowly. She watched as Logan bit down on his lip, flicking his eyes up to the ceiling. Then, he blinked, looking down again.

"We're going back to Minnesota. Bitters gave us twenty-four hours."

"No."

Logan nodded. He stayed silent, shifting slightly. But he didn't say anything else. Even though she knew he had something else.

Camille was not about to ask what other news he could possibly have. He had addressed all the points she knew he would. He had said everything.

She really didn't need him to say anything else. He was going to say it anyway.

"Forty-percent of—"

"Logan, please."

"Forty-percent of all long distance relationships fail."

Before she bursts into tears looking at him. "Sixty is greater than forty."

"Forty is still—"

"We're not going to be in the forty-percent. Sixty is greater than forty."

He nods.

She wraps her arms around him again. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

And they don't let go, they hold each other, they'll be fine.

Sixty is greater than forty.

—

Logan's headache hasn't gone away, his eyes are aching again.

He's unsure if the headache is especially aggravated by his efforts to remember how exactly he ended up in his bedroom. He was just in Camille's apartment. And before that, the car.

Then, before that, Rocque Records.

Before that, the concert.

Big Time Rush is done, all because of a concert he can't remember.

He can't remember if he even started packing, he can't remember where his suitcase is.

It's opened on the floor, empty.

He had been packing before he talked to Camille, he had been putting—clothes in, or something.

But—the closet is still half full. All Kendall's things are gone.

All Logan's things are half-dangling off hangers, or on the floor of the closet.

And he doesn't remember touching any of these clothes.

He looks around the room.

It's half-empty, like the closet. But a mess.

The desk is covered in papers, pencils, there are books face down on the desk, post-it notes crumpled on the floor.

Logan doesn't remember touching the post-it notes.

He must have been looking for something.

He needs to get out of this room—his bedroom that he trashed—before it suffocates him and makes him scream.

He needs to find what he's looking for.

He's looking for his textbook.

He knows he left it in James's room, he had been helping Carlos and let him borrow it.

He's just going to grab it and leave.

—

James knows for a fact that Carlos has not moved from inside the swirly slide, and Kendall's still with Jo.

He doesn't want to get up, he doesn't want to tell Logan to get out, he can't even look at Logan.

Logan, who's walking around like a normal person. Logan, who's started rummaging around on the desk for something.

Not whatever version of Logan had freaked out at the concert. Logan was normal again.

James turned over in bed. He's not going to think about Logan, he can't look at him, he won't.

And something slams to the ground.

James sits back up in bed. "Logan!"

"Sorry."

There's no way Logan is actually sorry, he would stop searching if he was, James reasons. Logan would get out before James had the urge to scream at him. He would get out, because he knows this is his fault.

"Your textbook isn't in here," James says.

"Yes, it is."

"No, it isn't."

Logan ignores him and continues searching.

James knows there's no textbook in here. Even if there was, Logan could live without it.

"It's not here."

"Yes, it is."

James is silent. He knows he's getting angry and he knows this will end badly but he's also not thinking.

"So, you're back to normal now?" he asks.

Maybe that's a stupid question, because obviously he is. Anything is more normal than yesterday.

"What?"

"You're back to normal. Last night never even happened."

"I mean—"

"Because last night you were not normal. And today you're just fine. That's convenient."

"What?"

James laughs bitterly. "I just think it's funny how it was yesterday of all nights that you decided to have a breakdown. And today it's like nothing happened."

"I don't want to think about it."

Did Logan think James wanted to think about it any more than he did? Could he just not get it through his head?

"I don't want to think about it either!" he exclaims.

He throws off his blankets, standing up.

"Do you know why, Logan? Do you know what that meltdown cost us?"

Cost me, James thinks. Sure, it cost the whole band, but he's the only one who really wanted it. Logan knows that.

"It wasn't a meltdown."

Logan isn't looking at him, he's still looking for the textbook.

James laughs again. "What do you mean?"

"I already told you. I don't remember what happened."

"It doesn't matter if you remember, the whole world saw it already."

He's positive Pop Tiger has already sold billions of issues this month. This month, Logan is the cover story.

"And I'm sorry, but I can't fix that."

It doesn't matter if he's sorry. Sorry never fixes anything, sorry can't get Rocque Records back, sorry can't get James back on that stage.

It doesn't matter. Sorry doesn't fix problems. Logan can't fix this problem.

Which, doesn't seem fair. It was Logan's fault.

"You're right! You can't! And now, guess what, my dream is ruined again, all because of your meltdown. Don't tell me—"

"It wasn't a meltdown. Meltdowns don't affect my memory. It's a sensory overload response."

Logan sounds like a textbook, he always sounds like a textbook, like he doesn't know how to talk.

"So why were you in a band if you keep having sensory overload?"

Were. That's Logan's fault too.

"We all did it for you," Logan whispers quietly. "I drove—"

Logan's the reason he got to the audition in the first place.

"And you're the reason it's gone!" James is yelling now. "Great, thank you buddy, thank you so much for taking away my dream."

"I didn't—"

He can't even admit to being wrong, Logan never thinks he's wrong. He's not always right, he's not smart all the time, he's not even the smart one.

Smart people don't wreck lives.

"Logan, yes you did! We're all moving back to Minnesota."

"I didn't mean to."

"I don't care!"

Logan has stopped looking for the textbook. He backs up onto Carlos's bed.

He's done listening, he doesn't want to listen to James yell. But James is yelling, James is yelling loudly, he feels like his ears are bleeding.

"You—you, Logan, why were you even in a band?"

Logan already answered that question, he doesn't want to answer it again, he doesn't want to move, he doesn't want to talk.

And he doesn't want to remember what happened at the concert,

Which is easy. He can't.

"Because I get wanting to do it, helping me get what I wanted. Except, I don't have it anymore. And I know you can't—fucking—understand irony—but, just—"

James laughs. "Just—why did you help me in the first place if you acted so stupid. I know you're not stupid."

Logan doesn't respond.

"But, I don't know, maybe you are. Maybe you are, because, what, you think your autism makes you a fucking genius, you are not a genius—you act so—"

James is shaking with rage.

"You act so retarded! And you're not, you're not, so then why did you decide yesterday, oh I'm going to ruin everything."

"I—"

"Shut up, shut up! Every single concert, there's always a problem. The lights, the sound booth, the fans, the screaming, the dancing. The interviews!"

Logan can't even think.

"And yesterday. Logan, how could you not even remember who you were! Bullshit. You kept asking for Kendall, like you were blind, he was right there! And you kept asking and he responded. He's always—"

Logan remembers waking up from some far away nightmare.

"Why are you so dependent on Kendall? You're eighteen, do you know how to be an adult? He's not going to be there all the time to fix everything!"

"Maybe it's because I had to live with him while my mom decided she should kill herself!"

"Your mom has nothing to do with this."

"That's why—"

Kendall only tried to fix Logan, anyway. Kendall barely even cared they were throwing their careers away, throwing James's dream away.

Why did Logan always come first? It was James that got them here.

"James."

Kendall is in the doorway. Carlos is behind him.

"Get out," James seethes.

They both know it's directed at Kendall. Kendall's an idiot.

He's so stupid, he walks in, Carlos behind him.

"James, I don't know what you're doing," Kendall says. He's looking at Logan. "It's late. I don't want Mom and Katie to wake up to a fight."

"Then go back to your room," James retorts. "Simple."

Kendall doesn't move.

Logan and Carlos have disappeared.

—

Logan can hear the fighting as he gets in bed. He's shaking, he's not fine.

He's not fine and he knows that. But he's not going to move.

James would be right, that it was his fault, it was his autism, it was his sensory overload and poor emotional regulation skills and stupid meltdowns that got them in this situation.

Meltdowns don't affect memory, he knows that. But the headache is probably distorting his memory by itself. He probably did ask where Kendall was, he's dependent, he knows that.

And no, he's not a genius, James is right.

Why is he even in the band?

Was. Why was he even in a band?

James was right. James was right, and this all really was Logan's fault.

"Logan?"

Logan pulls the blankets up closer. He doesn't need to deal with Carlos right now.

"Logan?"

Logan feels Carlos sit down at the edge of the bed.

"People say stupid things when they're mad. James was being stupid."

"He was right."

"No, he wasn't. He was just being stupid."

Logan doesn't respond. James is still right. He messed this all up.

"Logan, did you really forget where you were?"

"I don't remember."

Carlos stands up, walking closer to him. "Are you going to be okay?"

Logan turns to face the wall. "I'm tired, Carlos."

"But are you going to be okay?"

"I'll go to the doctor when we—go back to Minnesota."

"Okay."

Logan sleeps.

Carlos does not. Kendall and James are still yelling at each other.

He sits back in the swirly slide.

It'll be the last time.