Oh my gosh triple update? What's going on today?

Angst, my friend. I have an angst craving I need to fulfill.

Oh and I suggest reading Minnesota Memoir so this makes more sense. But whatever you want!

Logan wakes up to his mother sitting in a chair by his hospital bed, and a nurse. He decides to look at his mother, but she doesn't respond.

He remembers checking in at the hospital. He remembers not talking. He doesn't want to talk, so he lets her get away with not talking to him.

She probably doesn't want to, and she probably knows he won't respond.

The nurse does instead. "Good morning, Logan. How are you feeling today?"

That's too complicated to answer with a head shake or nod. So he doesn't answer. He hears his mother sigh from behind him—she expected that to happen. He expected it too.

The too complicated answer is that he's become very afraid, hospitals suck, and he just wants to go home. Nothing good happens in hospitals, not that he's ever seen. Someone always dies, or almost does.

Logan doesn't want to die. He doesn't want to remember anyone dying, or almost dying.

He doesn't want to talk, talking gets him banned from hospitals.

But he can't say any of that, that will get him kicked out. He can't get kicked out of the hospital.

Last time that happened, Kendall dragged him out. Kendall wasn't here to do that. A security guard might do it instead. It would be supremely better if Kendall was here. He could not handle a security guard dragging him out of the hospital.

So Logan stares at the nurse in front of him.

She smiles, even though she's probably annoyed he didn't answer. "I'm Nurse Danielle—you'll be seeing a lot of me here, hopefully you aren't sick of me yet!"

He thinks she's trying to make a joke, she smiles, a nice smile.

But he doesn't want to be kicked out of the hospital. He doesn't respond.

Nurse Danielle lets her smile soften. It's still there, her corners of her mouth are twinged up as she goes about the room, gathering whatever she needs.

"Today, Dr. Jones wants to start you off with blood tests. I'm just going to check your blood pressure and then we'll go and get your blood drawn, alright?"

Logan nods. It's a little too much information for him this early in the morning, but he knows it's a blood test. And he recognizes the blood pressure sleeve when she pulls apart the Velcro to wrap around his bicep.

He doesn't exactly remember the sensation of the blood pressure sleeve, but it comes back to him soon enough. He hates it.

"I know it hurts," Nurse Danielle tells him. He probably screwed up his face all strange. "It's just going to hurt for a few more seconds. Count to twenty."

He counts to twenty. The sleeve comes off, like she said it would.

"Your blood pressure looks good," she says. "Now, we can get your blood drawn pretty quickly, and then you can relax."

There's nothing relaxing about hospitals. But he nods at her again, and they go to get his blood drawn.

Too soon, he's back in the hospital bed, like he blanked out.

He knows he got his blood drawn. On an intellectual level, at least. That's why they had his blood pressure taken.

He just doesn't remember the actual blood drawing.

His head hurts.

Logan decides he's going to sleep again, what else could he do?

But Nurse Danielle's footsteps wake him up again. She's got a tray with her. Logan can identify the contents from here—cookies and juice to get his blood sugar up.

"Logan," she says. Her voice isn't unpleasant—but he really just wants to sleep. Maybe he could sleep through the other tests, the blood drawing was uncomfortable enough. It wasn't Nurse Danielle who did it, somebody else, who obviously didn't attend a very good nursing program, seeing as he stabbed Logan's arm five separate times before he even found the vein.

Logan turns over to glance at his arm to find the marks.

For a moment, panic sweeps over him.

There are no marks. But he remembers it now, he remembers each prick of the needle. There are no marks.

The panic dissipates when he realizes he was looking at the wrong arm.

Everything happened, everything is happening, he can remember it.

Nurse Danielle smiles when he looks up at her. She didn't notice his panic, then. "You're probably tired, but we have to get your blood sugar up before you try to sleep again."

He knew that, of course, but he just didn't feel like eating. Like moving.

She sets the tray down next to his bed. He eyes the food lazily—cookies and orange juice.

That panic sets in again—he's already seen this tray, he already knew about the cookies and orange juice.

Why does it feel like everything didn't happen?

"Thank you," Joanna replies, probably because Logan should've. Logan is too busy having these moments of panic, not that either of them are noticing.

Nurse Danielle nods. "Of course. I'll be back here in an hour to check on him again."

Joanna smiles at her as she walks away.

Then, she turns back to Logan, who closes his eyes.

"Honey, the nurse is right, you need to eat something."

Logan doesn't acknowledge her. He's tired, he's so tired, and he doesn't want to be awake to forget anything else.

"Logan, please just try."

She gets up off her chair, moving it closer to him. She picks up the bottle of orange juice. "Just the juice."

She tried to hand it to him, but he doesn't try to grab it.

Joanna uncaps the bottle. "I'll stop bothering you if you just take a sip."

That's probably not true. That's most likely a lie.

But he sits up.

And immediately slumps back down.

He knows what this is—he hates the feeling, it happens when he's tired, just like now, or when he's stressed, just like now.

It happened for twenty seconds during touring.

Everything is numb.

This time, it was barely two minutes.

He takes the orange juice and drinks the bottle. He doesn't need his mom worrying about those two minutes.

His stomach hurts now, but she doesn't need to worry about that either.

She's gotten up from the chair.

He can't have that.

Logan closes his eyes. He's not going to get kicked out of the hospital, he's the patient. He'd have to sign a release form. Not that anyone would let him. Not that he would.

He's ignoring how he's remembering his mom sitting in a hospital bed.

And how he yelled data at her.

And how the doctors dragged him out.

That isn't going to happen now, he's the patient, it can't happen.

"Mom," he murmurs.

She sits back down, like he knew she would. She's grabbed his hand, like he knew she would. "We have to call the nurse."

Logan can't have Nurse Danielle tell him that something is wrong with him. He already knows that.

He's done talking, Nurse Danielle or Dr. Jones or something will kick him out if he causes his mom to cry.

He shakes his head at her and closes his eyes, not sleeping.

—

Kendall can smell something in the kitchen, it smells rancid and wrong. He can hear his mother talking on the phone. He doesn't intend to listen, he intends to go back to sleep.

"Seven days? Oh, Joanna, that's awful."

She pauses. It's Logan's mom with her on the phone, Joanna Mitchell.

Now he has to listen the whole way through.

What's going on with Logan?

"How is he?" she asks. She frowns, pausing again. "He hasn't said anything?"

It's a miracle Kendall hasn't been caught listening in yet. But he doesn't really want to listen. And yet, if he doesn't, he'll just worry more.

"Okay, but at least that's something, right?"

She doesn't take a pause this time. Her tone changes. "Joanna, you know I didn't mean it like that."

She pauses again. She sighs, her eyes closing for longer than they needed to be. "I am just as concerned about Logan as you are, all we are doing is trying to help!"

She removes the phone from her ear. Joanna isn't on speakerphone, but she's loud enough that Kendall can hear her muffled speech on the other side of the room. "What can I do to help?"

Then, like Kendall thought, his mother turned around. She almost dropped the phone. then covered up for it by brushing her hair out of her face. She plastered on a tense, fake smile, sticking her hand on her hip. "Hi, honey, what are you doing up so early?"

It's only nine, it's not really early. Late, actually. If they had a Saturday rehearsal, they would've been late. But of course there's no rehearsal, there's no band.

Kendall shakes his head, almost to clear away the memory.

James isn't the only one who feels stuck in a nightmare.

His mother lifts the phone back up. "Is Logan awake yet?"

She frowns as she gets her answer. Kendall hears it too, Logan isn't awake, he fell asleep after his first round of blood tests.

"Blood tests?" Kendall asks. He stares at his mother, who only shrugs, like she doesn't know, but of course she knows. "What blood tests? Where's Logan?"

"Joanna, I'm going to call you back."

His mother hangs up the phone, placing it on the table. She resumes making waffles, like nothing happened.

"Why are you making waffles?"

She shrugs at him. She's focused on pouring the batter into the waffle maker, but she never tips the ladle. She just stands there, frozen, and lets the ladle hover over the waffle iron. She drops the ladle back in the bowl, wiping her clean hands on her yoga pants. "It's our first Saturday back in Minnesota."

"So?"

"I wanted to make waffles when we came home. We're home. I'm making waffles."

Kendall picks up the ladle, squinting at the batter inside. "Mom, there's eggshells in here."

"Adds texture."

She's turned the waffle iron off and unplugged it.

She's avoiding something, she's going to blame it on being scatterbrained, she's going to use that as an excuse.

But scatterbrained mothers-at least not his, he's seen her scatterbrained before-don't have dark circles under red rimmed eyes.

"Mom, why is Logan getting blood tests?"

"Blood drive."

She has nearly collapsed in a chair, tapping the sides of her empty coffee mug.

"Lying is bad," he reminds her, as he takes the mug to the coffee maker. It whirs to life, the strong scent of coffee already floating in the kitchen.

Better than the rancid waffle batter. Which, he realized, he's going to have to pour down the sink. His mom isn't going to do it.

The coffee is being made, he's got the bowl of batter in his hands, angled towards the drain.

"Logan is at the Mayo Clinic."

The coffee is done. He's preoccupied with the bowl of batter, he'll give her the coffee in a minute.

Logan hates hospitals. Especially if it's two hours away in Rochester. "For what?"

"They think he's sick."

The bowl drops from his hands, into the sink, unclean.

"Sick?"

Logan couldn't have cancer. Logan did not have cancer. Logan would not die from cancer.

Jennifer takes her coffee. She lays a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "They're just tests, honey. And Joanna said his bloodwork looked fine."

"Logan hates hospitals."

"Which is why we're going to go visit him."

Kendall nods. She kisses his temple. "I love you, honey."

She walks away, she's going to wake up Katie, and they're going to drive two hours to Rochester.

She's going to put on makeup too. Somebody will make a comment about her red face, red eyes, dark bags.

It'll probably be Carlos, and he won't mean anything by it.

But it could be Logan too.

Kendall shakes his head. Logan's been at the hospital.

There's no way he'll talk to them.

—

Nobody talks in the car. Nobody talks on the way into the clinic.

The first voice he hears is Carlos.

The first question Carlos asks is "What's wrong with Logan?"

That also happens to be the first question of his that Kendall doesn't have a definite answer for.

It happens to be the only question Carlos really asks, with slight variation in wording.

James doesn't ask questions, James doesn't say anything to them. He pushes the elevator button. And then his hand is back in his pocket, like this isn't a big deal, like this isn't important, like this isn't something James should stop being so petty over.

James should just drop the whole thing and talk.

Kendall can't have Carlos be the only one that talks.

Camille calls him when he's trapped in the elevator, with a silent James and insistent Carlos.

At least the phone ringing gets Carlos to stop asking him things he doesn't know the answer for a minute.

The next minute, the elevator doors open. They step out. Logan's room is down the hall.

Carlos and James don't move when he doesn't move. He waves them forward. "It'd down the hall."

They don't move. Carlos is looking at him, James isn't.

"Go," he urges them.

They go. Kendall answers the phone.

"Have you heard from Logan?" is the first thing she says to him. She sounds more manic than usual, but this isn't a character. She used Logan's name.

He can't be the one to tell her. He can't, Logan should've told her, but he probably couldn't either. "Camille, what's wrong?"

She pauses. "I sent him a text last night. It wasn't even late, it was nine, maybe. And I saw that he read it. But he didn't respond."

Kendall doesn't want to laugh, because this isn't funny, but it almost is. Clingy girlfriend. What makes it not funny is that Camille is not that. Something is wrong, and she's picked up on that. But he can't tell her. "That sounds stupid."

He hears her sigh, frustrated, on the other end. "It's not stupid when I had to talk him out of breaking up with me!"

"You didn't-"

"He said he wanted to break up."

Kendall almost did laugh. He's seen Logan and Camille in elevators. "He's lying."

"I know he was lying!" she snapped at him. "That's why I had to convince him."

Kendall glances down the hall. His mother, Katie, and Carlos's mother have entered the hospital room. Mr. Garcia probably has work, James's mom too. They don't see him standing by the elevators. "And this has to do with him not responding to a text?"

"Kendall! What if he broke up with me and didn't tell me?"

Kendall watches the door shut behind Katie. He can't hear what's going on in the room. "I-of course he didn't."

"But-"

"Do you want to see him?"

Kendall must have alluded to something, because her tone softens. "Yeah."

"Call him in a few minutes."

"Call him? But I thought-"

"Camille."

She sighs again. "Yeah. Okay. I'll call."

He hangs up, bracing himself for the room. Bracing himself for Logan.

Logan is barely awake, he looks paler than usual, but he doesn't look awful.

It can't be that bad, then.

"Hey, Logan."

Logan looks up at him, which isn't really looking up. He just redirects his gaze towards Kendall. He doesn't say anything.

Kendall decides not to ask how he is. He won't get a response, he knows that.

He can hear Carlos talking to Logan. Just about the car ride in, and how the gas station they stopped at had a really gross bathroom. Carlos is asking about the blood tests too, but Kendall knew if Logan was going to talk at all, which he wouldn't, it would not be about the blood tests.

Joanna excuses herself from the room. Logan looks at her, but, like they all expected, he doesn't say anything.

Jennifer follows after her. Mrs. Garcia next.

It takes Mr. Garcia a minute, apparently he didn't have work, he looks back at the four of them, his gaze lingering on Logan, before he too leaves the room.

It takes Katie the longest. She looks at Kendall, who nods at her. "I'm-going to get Fruit Smackers."

It's already implied that she will be getting some for Carlos, who smiles in gratitude at her when she shuts the door.

"It's just us now, Logan," Carlos says, like persuading Logan to talk would work. It won't, it doesn't.

Logan nods. He closes his eyes.

James is the first to get up.

"James," Kendall warns him.

"It was just a blood test, he's not going to die if I leave."

But James stays. Logan might've fallen asleep again.

It's the phone ringing that wakes him up. He's startled, he jumps up at the sound.

Kendall knows it's Camille, he hands him the phone.

It's FaceTalk.

"Hey, Logan."

Kendall can see her fake smile from his little chair in the tight corner of the room. Logan can't, it doesn't matter.

Logan manages a small smile himself.

It takes ten seconds for Camille's fake smile to melt into a frown. She tries to smile at Logan again. "How are you feeling?"

And then, like clockwork, Logan's expression fades away.

"Logan's tired," Carlos answers for him. Carlos isn't wrong, Logan's eyes are closing, closed.

"Hi, Carlos," she relents.

Kendall takes the phone out of Logan's limp hand. How much blood could they have possibly taken out?

"And, Kendall," Camille looks like she's been crying. Red rimmed eyes. "Hi."

"James is here too," Carlos clarifies from his spot.

"Hi, James."

Carlos swings his legs back and forth on the chair. His tone has an edge to it now. "But he's being stupid and not talking."

"Logan isn't talking," James murmurs. "And he's not stupid?"

"We're not starting this now!" Kendall tells him sharply.

"Logan is asleep, what does it matter?"

"Don't be a moron."

And Kendall steps outside with Camille still on FaceTalk.

"You guys are fighting?" she asks.

"More like James and I are fighting. Carlos is trying to keep himself and Logan out of it."

She eyes him quizzically. "Is that working?"

He shrugs. There's nothing funny about it, but he knows he's smirking. "I'd say no. Logan's the reason James wants to fight, anyway."

"Logan didn't mean to do anything. It's not his fault."

Kendall shakes his head, he can feel the stupid smirk still on his face. "Yeah, James doesn't get that."

"James should get it."

Camille is right. It's not new news. It's old news that shouldn't be news anymore.

"Why didn't Logan say anything?"

And Kendall has the strongest, most compelling urge to lie again. He can't be the one to tell her, Logan needs to do it, even if he'll do it wrong. "He was tired."

"Don't bullshit me, Kendall."

"This is a bullshit free zone."

Camille glares at him. "Kendall."

Kendall rolls his eyes. "Fine. Logan's afraid of hospitals."

Camille doesn't laugh, Kendall isn't sure what the typical reaction would be. A doctor afraid of hospitals? Ironic.

"How is he afraid of hospitals?"

Kendall shrugs.

"Kendall."

"He just is. Ask him if you want."

She drops the assertiveness as quickly as she had picked it up. "How am I supposed to ask if he won't talk to me?"

He sees her eyes glistening, shining with tears. Under her eyelids, the skin looks raw. Worse than his mother.

Kendall sighs. "Camille, it's not because he doesn't want to talk to you, you know that, right?"

Camille presses her lips together tightly. She wipes her face free of tears that aren't there yet. "No-"

"Logan smiled," Kendall assured her. "Okay? And he wasn't doing that yesterday. Logan smiled at you, and he loves you."

"I know that."

Kendall smiled because Camille couldn't. "Everything is okay."

"Thank you."

Camille hung up first. Kendall set Logan's phone back where it had been.

And he waited for Logan to wake up again.

It's officially a triple update type of day! I hope you enjoyed!