Author's Note: I'm sorry about the wait, my loves! I do hope that you are enjoying as much as I am. I think the saddest thing about all of this is that Neteyam feels the only value that he serves is what comes from others. He is only enough when others think that he is. He can only do what is expected of him unless given permission by others not to. I think it's incredibly sad. Thank you all for your kind words! I hope that you continue to enjoy! Let me know what you think!
Together the three boys head back to the Chief's marui to drop off Ao'nung. Their parents were already standing outside, having already finished whatever it was that they were discussing. Once they get close, Rhalwari puts an arm around Rotxo's shoulders, nuzzling his cheek and smiling when he does.
"Are you ready to go home?" Tao'su asks, placing a hand on Neteyam's shoulder.
He nods, glancing over at Ao'nung, who stops next to his mom and casts him a sideways glance, curiously. She can immediately sense something is amiss with her son but doesn't ask about it right away. Tonowari glances down at his son, ears flicking slightly, but Ronal shakes her head slightly so he doesn't ask either.
"Goodnight," Neteyam says to his betrothed softly, even though it's early, Neteyam's pretty sure that he's going to remain home for the rest of the night. He's tired. The deep dive for moss and that vision took a lot out of him. His parents must sense that too, if the gentle look his mom is sending his way is anything to go off of.
Ao'nung nods, still obviously upset. Neteyam sighs, turning and following after his parents and brother, only making it a few feet before turning back to look at Ao'nung, who was staring down at his feet, shaking his head slowly at his own thoughts. Neteyam's ears flatten a bit before he makes his way over to his betrothed, wrapping his arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.
Ao'nung sighs, resisting for only a moment before wrapping his arms around Neteyam's waist. Neteyam places his cheek on Ao'nung's shoulder, giving him a squeeze. Ao'nung drops his head onto Neteyam's own shoulder, letting out a long sigh. Neteyam gently pets down Ao'nung's hair and the back of his neck, soothingly. He hates that he is the reason why his betrothed is upset. It was never his intention, this just seemed like the right thing to do.
Neteyam pulls back a little bit to look into his downcast blue eyes before pressing his forehead against Ao'nung's. "It's okay," he says softly, as those pretty eyes focus on him. "Everything is okay. Thank you for worrying about me, but I'm really okay. It's better this way. I promise."
Ao'nung shakes his head slightly, but presses close, his eyes flutter shut. Ao'nung sighs again, softly. "Neteyam, I can't... I just..." He shakes his head a little again.
"Look at me," Neteyam says softly, waiting for Ao'nung to open his eyes before saying, just as softly, "It's okay, I promise. Thank you for worrying about me, but really, it's okay." Neteyam leans up, pressing his lips to Ao'nung's forehead before pulling back enough to look back into his eyes. "Thank you for being sweet enough to care but believe me. I'm okay. Everything is okay. I promise."
Ao'nung nods, but it doesn't look like he really believes Neteyam's words. He doesn't protest or dispute in any way. He just brings his hands up Neteyam's waist to cup his face, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose, as his forehead is covered with the shell that he gave Neteyam.
Neteyam smiles slightly as Ao'nung says, "Get some rest, 'Teyam. Today has been a long day. I'll see you in the morning."
Neteyam nods, hugging him one more time before pulling back and tipping his head respectfully to the chief and tsahik, who nod back. He turns and runs back over to his parents and brother, who were nice enough to wait for him. Tao'su puts a hand back onto Neteyam's shoulder as they go.
"What was that about?" Rhalwari asks softly. "What's wrong with Ao'nung? Are you two fighting?"
Neteyam leans into Tao'su's side as he admits, "I gave the Sully family my marui and he's mad at me for it."
Rhalwari and Tao'su both look at each other over the top of both their son's heads. Tao'su frowns at that while Rhalwari's eyes are blown wide. She shakes her head, mouth moving as she tries to form words, hand gripping Rotxo's shoulder tightly.
"You... you gave up your marui?" Rhalwari asks softly, trying to keep the judgement out of her voice. "But... but why? Why would you do that? I thought you loved that place."
Neteyam shrugs his shoulders a bit, still pressing close to Tao'su, digging his toes in the white sand with every step he takes. "I do like it, but I was never going to live there. I don't want to live alone, especially in a marui that big, and besides that, Ao'nung and I can't live that far away from the water when we move in together. I was looking for a reason to stop caring for it. Besides, it's perfect for them."
"But..." Rhalwari stutters, glancing between Tao'su and Neteyam. "I mean... are you sure, sweet boy? You really liked that place..."
Neteyam laughs lightly, squeezing his dad's side, Tao'su squeezing his shoulder in response. "I'm sure, mama. But thank you for asking. I think they are going to be happy there." He looks between his parents, noting his dad's frown and his mama's worried expression. He was going to add whatever he thought would make them feel better, but worried that he might be making this all worse, so he closes his mouth and just presses into Tao'su's side.
Rotxo, also noting their silence, sends Neteyam a little helpless shrug, lips pressed together tight. "Give them time," he mouths. Neteyam nods and the four head home in silence.
Neteyam managed to stay awake long enough to make dinner with Rhalwari while Tao'su and Rotxo go pick Rowee up from lessons. He's a bundle of energy and joy when he gets home, wondering why they were having dinner so early, but accepted it when Neteyam quietly admitted that he was very tired and wanted to rest and they promised to always eat as a family, at least once a day. Nights are usually the easiest times, but it doesn't always have to be.
Neteyam held Rowee in his arms, listening to him talk his ear off about his day, while tracing the glowing freckles on Neteyam's face with a finger as his eyes droop more and more. Rotxo, Rhalwari, and Tao'su sit up and talk around the fire they had used to cook dinner. Neteyam's eyelids droop closed, listening to his family talking.
The following morning, Neteyam extracts himself from Rotxo and Rowee, the latter of which snoring lightly, before putting on his accessories and heading out to meet up with Ronal so that they can pray to Eywa first thing in the morning, just after daybreak. He sneaks out while the rest of his family is still sleeping, feeling better today than he did the night before. Thankfully he's not carrying that exhaustion into today.
Despite how worn he was the day before, he felt strong enough to see what Eywa had to say and was happy that he did. She fills him with a sense of... absolution. Like something good is happening. Almost like coming full circle in some sense, yet Neteyam has no idea what that could mean, but all he's getting from this is that today is going to be a good day. Eywa's seeds disappear into the depths on their way back, but Neteyam didn't mind. They do leave him enough for him not to be concerned. It's usually when they are far out in the ocean that they never leave him.
As he gets closer to the village, Ronal says her goodbyes while Neteyam heads for the docks. He looks down beneath Shixo to see Tsireya and Rotxo swimming beneath him, but he doesn't see anyone else. He glances around, peering through the waves to see darker shimmers underneath, struggling to follow after. Neteyam smiles, wishing them luck before leisurely moving on, spotting a group of men a descent distance away on the other side of the dock, his father and Tonowari included, by the beach all gathered together. Tsu'tey is standing in the sand behind them, arms crossed over his chest. The water is up to the middle of the men's sternums as they joke and jab at one another, they're looking out at something.
Neteyam slows down, frowning at their jests, before following their line of sight until he sees Jake pop up out of the water, face twisted in anger and pain. He holds up his hand and Netyeyam can see red markings, even from a few yards away. His ears press back against his skull as he sends the jeering men a disapproving look. A few that see it, look down into the water, away from his eyes.
Tao'su, brows furrowed, look from Jake to Neteyam, ears perking a bit, while Tonowari, mid sympathetic flinch, also sends him a curious look. He sees the men avoiding Neteyam's disapproving look and smiles at that, giving the tsakarem a nod, smiling slightly. Neteyam waves his hand from his forehead in greeting before slowly making his way over to Jake, twisting Shixo away so that he can't nip at Jake when the Sully Patriarch turns to face him, face lit up in surprise at the sight of him.
Softly, sweetly, Neteyam asks, "Are you okay?"
Jake lowers his hand into the water, smiling slightly. "I'm okay. Nothing I won't heal from. Just... need to get a hang of it, is all."
Neteyam smiles at that, twisting Shixo away a bit more before patting the space behind him, scooting forward so that there is plenty of room for both of them - not that Neteyam takes up a lot of space anyway. A fully grown Skimwing could comfortably hold two full grown men so Neteyam and Jake are easy for Shixo to hold. Shixo is just snarling and spitting in annoyance, hating that Neteyam invites anyone to join them. He barely tolerates Ao'nung.
Neteyam runs a soothing hand down his friend's flank, saying to Jake, "Would you like some pointers?"
Jake hesitates for a second, staring at Neteyam's face, as if trying to see something before nodding, carefully moving to climb onto Shixo's back, despite the Skimwing's annoyance. Neteyam takes a breath, waiting to see if he will get any flashes, any images out of nowhere. Any whirling emotions slamming into him at once, but no. Nothing. He feels fine. The same as he always feels.
"It doesn't seem like he's too big of a fan of this," Jake says with a touch of mirth, carefully placing his hands high up on Neteyam's waist, low on his ribs, respectfully.
Neteyam laughs lightly, urging Shixo on slowly so that they can feel the water flowing beneath them. "He's okay. He just... isn't a big fan of anyone but me, is all." They move around a bit as Neteyam carefully considers what he's doing. He hadn't intended on turning this into a one-on-one session, but he sees no harm in helping out - that, he had considered right from the beginning. "If you're interested, there is a few things that helped me when I was learning to ride the Skimwing, if you want."
"Sure..." Jake says slowly. "But aren't you busy?"
Neteyam laughs, grinning over his shoulder at the man behind him, flashing dual fangs brightly. Jake's eyes fall to them, ears twitching as Neteyam says, "Not at all. I had intended on helping out anyway. Whoever would accept me. Your kids are in great hands with Tsireya, I spent the morning giving her all the tips and tricks that I used to get to where I am. But I figured that I could sit in and try to help you and your mates, offering whatever I could, if you needed it."
"I appreciate it," Jake says from behind Neteyam as he turns forward. "Thank you."
As Neteyam makes his way, slowly, back to the gathered men, he shows Jake leg placement and good technique to holding his position. He's careful in his demonstrations, glancing back everyone once and while to make sure that Jake is paying attention - and Neteyam has never had more of someone's attention. He smiles a bit, happy that Jake isn't uncomfortable with Neteyam's helping him. Most of the time, older men find insult in Neteyam showing them how to do what they believe they should be able to do.
He slows to a stop next to the men, nodding for Tsu'tey to come closer. He does, stepping into the water and making his way towards them, looking between Jake and Neteyam, holding his mate's gaze for a few beats longer, before turning his full attention to the youngest amongst them. The Tsakarem explains again to Tsu'tey, showing him the proper way to sit, how to shift when they want to move one way or the other. When they want to fly, how they should hold themselves. When they are at rest, where to put their feet. Both men listen closely, asking questions.
Neteyam grins playfully at his clansmen, flushing a bit at his dad smiling back at him, before he goes back to what he's doing. Showing Jake and Tsu'tey the important places to remember on the skimwing.
"They breathe through here, so don't cover it with your legs. And here," he says, carefully running his hand down Shixo's flank, he obediently leans to the side a bit to show it off, chirping with pride as if he was the peak male specimen. Neteyam laughs as the feeling spreads through their bond, and he has to shake his head before continuing through a laugh, "Here is where his wings will spread out. You could hurt him if he tries to fly and your legs are in the way, or you didn't put his harness on right."
Neteyam carefully slides off of Shixo's back, which immediately makes him snarl in rage, shifting trying to throw Jake off. Some of the men move closer to hold him steady but don't touch him when Neteyam wraps his thin arms around the mount's jaws, pressing close for a moment until he settles. Neteyam scoots back a bit, pulling Shixo with, so that he's not standing on the tips of his toes in the sand and he's able to stand a bit more comfortably.
"I'm here, Shixo, I'm here. Settle," Neteyam says softly, rubbing his hands up and down the mount's jaw. He rests his cheek against Shixo's staring into his eye. Infuriated, Shixo sends displeasure through their bond which Neteyam immediately sooths. "I'm right here, Shixo. Peace. I'm not going to break tsahaylu." Shixo shakes in the water and Jake holds onto the handle connecting his two neurowhips to keep himself steady.
"Are we good?" Jake asks carefully.
"Most skimwing pick a few riders they are comfortable with, and they come when called upon," Neteyam says easily, running a loving hand down his mount's jaw once more. "Shixo has been circling me in the water since I got here. He made learning to ride an ilu very difficult as he would usually chase them away." Neteyam smiles, pressing a loving kiss to the space by his friend's eye. Shixo rumbles, pleased. "Dad had to, uh, keep him away while mama tried to teach me how to ride an ilu. I was scared of him at first. I thought he wanted to eat me." Neteyam laughs, leaning into his friend's face, who was rumbling, almost like a distorted purr.
Jake smiles fondly at that. "Probably a generational fear," he says, mirthfully. At Neteyam's confused look, Jake elaborates, "Forest Na'vi have to overcome the fear of their most favored mount in order to proceed into adulthood. At least for most clans. For the Omatikaya, like most others, but not all, it's the ikran. An inherent danger that lurks in you from all your ancestors - uh," he hesitates before continuing, "having to overcome that fear to gain their mount."
Neteyam stares back at him, eyes wide in fascination, while idly petting down the underside of Shixo's jaw. He turns his gaze up to the beautiful blue sky, trying to wrap his mind around that feeling. Something inside of him that he got from his ancestors. Something as... abstract as fear. Something that was written into his DNA.
There was so much that he wanted to ask, that he wanted to know about. There were so many clans out in the forest, any information that Jake had on any of them could pertain to himself. He could be speaking about the clan that Neteyam came from. There is so much that he wants to know. He wants to pick apart Jake's brain and learn it all.
And he is also too scared to ask about any of it. He doesn't want anyone to think that he's searching for a life that didn't want him, and he doesn't want to fall in love with maybes that will never be.
And that pit within him where all of his ugliness goes is fed once more with those insecurities and fears as Neteyam forces a smile, feeling comfort and love through his bond with Shixo, who snaps at the air and water, as if to kill the things that Neteyam is afraid of. Neteyam pets down his friend's muzzle, before continuing with his lesson, showing Jake, and Tsu'tey, who was standing beside him quietly watching. The two listen closely as he explains the nature of the skimwing and how the Metkayina live alongside them.
"Their nest is by the south-west corner of the village," Neteyam says, guiding Tsu'tey's hand down Shixo's flank. "Skimwing are extremely territorial so most clans place their nests strategically to ensure that other clans can't sneak up on weak spots. Or they keep them hidden so that they don't know the nest location. Unlike ilu which don't fight, skimwing will fight to defend their home."
"Smart," Jake says, running a hand along Shixo's flank as well, which he begrudgingly accepts.
Neteyam turns his eyes back to Jake, carefully, shyly, he offers, "Would you like for me to ride with you? When I was learning to ride, my dad was always with me. I may have been young, but it really helped me to have him there. Not just because he's my dad, but that he would be able to correct any mistakes I make before they become habit. I imagine our skimwing is very different than your ikran."
Jake smiles, a curl pulling at the corner of his lips as he stares into Neteyam's eyes, still offering his full attention. "Different enough," Jake admits, offering a look to Tsu'tey, who finally smiles a bit. "But I'm ready to learn. Any help that you're offering... well, I'll take all that I can get."
Neteyam pets along Shixo's jaw. "Alright, Shixo, you get the choice, either you let him form tsahaylu, or we will find another skimwing to learn with." Shixo snarls, snapping his jaws at Neteyam, with no intention of hurting him, only to express his anger. Neteyam doesn't even flinch and instead, playfully, he says, "That one from earlier was nice."
Shixo snaps at Neteyam's face, spitting and hissing in anger at the prospect of Neteyam seeking out a different skimwing. Neteyam laughs as those deadly, razor-sharp teeth take tiny, harmless nibbles at his cheek and chin.
Tao'su, who is standing next to Tonowari, frowns deeply. "Neteyam, you know I don't like it when you let him do that."
"You're worried he's going to bite my face off," Neteyam says, hugging Shixo's snapping jaws, giving it another light kiss before honoring his dad's wishes and pushing Shixo's face away from his own.
"Yes," Tao'su admits, "I am. Shixo is no ilu."
Shixo snaps his jaws, insulted that anyone could confuse him with an ilu. Neteyam smiles again, patting his friend's flank. "No one thinks you're an ilu, Shixo. Dad just doesn't want you to bite my face off."
Shixo huffs and hisses, dipping his head under the water and flooding permission through their bond. Neteyam smiles again, reaching over to gently break tsahaylu. Shixo snarls again but doesn't swim off like he usually would. Neteyam pets his side again before bringing to whip over to Jake, smiling softly. "He's a little... um..."
"Mean as an akula?" One of the men guesses, making a few of the others laugh amongst themselves. Tao'su sighs, but Tonowari actually smiles at that in agreement.
Jake nods. "Okay. I think I can handle a temper." Jake forms the bond with Shixo and immediately grinds his teeth as Shixo snarls and splashes in anger before settling down, blowing angry bubbles in the water. Jake rubs at his face a few times, before looking down at Neteyam. "Okay, wow. What is that?"
Neteyam laughs, patting Shixo's side. "You'll get used to him. Now, are you ready to continue your lessons?" He turns big golden eyes up to the older forest Na'vi.
Jake nods, lips curling slightly. "Yes, sir."
Neteyam laughs again, golden eyes sparkling. He takes Tsu'tey around Jake and Shixo as Jake moves into position, adjusting to the harness Neteyam made for his mount. Netyeam gently tells Tsu'tey what to look for on the harness and how it's supposed to settle against Shixo's skin. He helps to adjust Jake's feet a bit, with Tsu'tey following right behind him.
Once they've gone full circle, Neteyam turns to Tsu'tey. "Does that make sense?"
Tsu'tey nods. "It does. Thank you, Neteyam."
Neteyam flushes a bit, looking down at the water, nodding. "You're welcome. Now, pay attention to us, okay? You're next." He looks back up to see Tsu'tey smile. Neteyam smiles back before moving to climb up behind Jake, right hand on his shoulder and left under his arm to hook up over the other. He leans up to look over at Jake, still flushing a bit. "Do I make you uncomfortable? I just figured it would be easier like this..."
"Not at all," Jake says, pressing a hand to the back of Neteyam's right hand. "Thank you for your help."
Neteyam smiles, relieved. He holds tighter to Jake, digging his chin into Jake's shoulder a bit as he tries to see over it. "Okay, onward. Slow and steady, take your time." As Jake pushes Shixo forward, Neteyam presses close, talking Jake through it. "Don't worry about diving or flying with a partner, I know how to hold myself to keep from falling off, just focus on your balance and your balance."
Jake nods and they swim around for a bit while Jake tries to get a feel for Shixo, so they can get used to each other. Once Jake has a feel for Shixo, they speed up, swinging back and forth. Neteyam feels Jake shift up onto his hunches, and Neteyam follows suit, moving his hands to the center of Jake's chest to lock them together while bringing his feet up to side hooks to help keep him balanced. Neteyam takes a moment to realize that Jake was waiting for his okay, so he squeezes his arms a bit and braces as for the pull.
Shixo jumps up and Jake has excellent form, even with Neteyam hanging onto his back. Neteyam follows his lead, leaning when he does, dipping when he does, being sure to quietly correct anything that could hurt Shixo or throw them off balance, but Jake is a remarkable study. He picks it up quickly, but it doesn't really surprise Neteyam. He's spent all his life flying. He just needed to adjust to Shixo's way of doing it. Jake keeps bringing a hand up to touch Neteyam's to make sure he's still holding tight. Or glancing over his shoulder to look at his face.
There is a small moment when Jake just stares at Neteyam and the younger of the two get this weird feeling. Like Jake was working his way through something. Like he was seeing something in Neteyam that he had been searching for. Neteyam, at the edge of feeling, felt something akin to... happiness. Yet this happiness was tainted with regret, with pain. Like a joy that came at a cost. Or soured by a harsh reality. Almost... bittersweet.
"It's time to dive," Neteyam says softly, his voice raspy. He shifts his hold on Jake a bit, adjusting his weight.
Jake was so strange to Neteyam. He shouldn't be feeling these things from the man. He only gets intense feelings from pregnant woman, not from random strangers coming to his home seeking uturu. Although, he is blessed by Eywa. He is Toruk Makto. So maybe there is a greater reason behind it, but still. Neteyam has never felt these feelings from others that wasn't while he was concentrating on the life inside of them. Jake Sully is special, Neteyam can tell. He's just not sure why he's so special. And what, if anything, this has to do with Neteyam.
"Be brave," Neteyam says, his voice like angels singing in his ears. "Take a deep breath, hold it tight and when you're ready, dive into the water."
He takes a moment more to stare at Neteyam's pretty face, before turning forward and doing as he was told. He takes a few deep, practiced breaths, feeling Shixo breathing with him, before diving.
Their first dive had Jake dislodged after a few yards, sending both of them tumbling around in the water, spinning head of heels a few times. Neteyam orients himself to see Jake spinning around, frantically, looking for him. He spots him for only a moment before he clutches at his throat and pushing up toward the surface. Neteyam follows after, breaking the surface, just as Jake's hands land on his face, his shoulders, studying him to look for injuries.
"Are you okay, Neteyam? Did I hurt you?"
"I'm okay, Jake," Neteyam says, grabbing onto Jake's hands to settle him. "How about you? Are you okay?" He grabs onto Jake's injured hand, seeing more red marks, some cuts now. He runs his fingers across them, checking for how bad they are but thankfully they are all just flesh wounds.
"I'm okay," Jake says, frowning at Neteyam. "I'm sorry... I just..."
Neteyam waits a moment to see if he'll finish, but he doesn't seem to have the words, so he just smiles instead. "It's okay. That's why we practice."
"Neteyam!" Tao'su calls, drawing the boy's eyes back toward the beach, twisting around to see his dad still standing with the other men. "Are you alright?"
"I'm good, dad!" Neteyam calls before turning back to Jake. "Sorry, he's very protective of me."
"No," Jake says softly, shaking his head as a vulnerable, sad look crosses his face - but only for a split second before it's gone. "No, you deserve someone to look out for you. And there is nothing wrong with... with a father loving his son. Nothing."
Neteyam flushes, smiling at that. "I think so too." He lets go of Jake's hand and whistles, clapping his hands a few times and Shixo resurfaces, splashing Jake, annoyed. Neteyam laughs while Jake wipes the water from his face, looking amused rather than annoyed as Neteyam gestures to his friend, who is putting himself between the two of them. "Again, Jake."
Jake shrugs at the almost... glare Shixo sends his way. Jake makes tsahaylu once more and climbs onto Shixo's back once more. He holds out a hand for Neteyam to take and pulls him up as well. Neteyam wraps one arm under Jake's to hook around his shoulder and placing his hand on the other. Pressing his chin into Jake's shoulder a bit, he says, "Go on. Let's try again."
Jake nods, reaching up to lightly touch his hand once more, but before Neteyam could ask why he did that, his hand drops again, and he urges an annoyed Shixo forward.
If Jake was talented in learning the ride the skimwing, then Tsu'tey was a savant. Maybe because he got to watch Jake try and fail, or because he just has a gift for it, but with Neteyam's help in training Jake to alter his grip on the handle connecting Shixo's neurowhips so that he doesn't just keep getting thrown off while under water, the two of them were able to pick up riding within a few hours. Neteyam was so excited for them, he had to grab onto Tao'su's arm and hand, in a near death grip, to keep from bouncing up and down.
After a few hours, Neteyam and Tao'su, who refused to leave Neteyam's side, get food together for Tsu'tey, Jake, and Tonowari who also chose to stay while the rest of the men went about their days after being dismissed by the chief. Neteyam ran home to grab everything they needed to make some sandwiches. Jake and Tsu'tey seemed hesitant about the kelp breading, but Neteyam teased them enough for both to agree to try it. Honestly, Neteyam may have grabbed too much food for all of them, but he hadn't been eating well, the last few days and he was hungry.
Leaning into Tao'su's side with his arm looped through his father's they all eat in relative silence. Hesitantly, after a few minutes, Neteyam looks over at Tonowari, mouth opening before he stops.
Not wanting to make Jake and Tsu'tey feel bad, he waves his hand a bit to draw the chief's eyes to him. He slowly, carefully, signs to him, "Did Ao'nung tell you what I did?"
Tonowari doesn't look at Jake and Tsu'tey, instead he's just focusing on Neteyam. He signs, "About your marui? Yes. After some prying."
Tao'su glances between them, following the conversation while Jake and Tsu'tey whisper to one another. Either about what all they've learned today, or about the meal, Neteyam has no idea, but thankfully they don't see them talking - for the moment.
"Are you mad at me?" Neteyam asks, signing.
Tonowari lets out a little huff, shaking his head. He rubs the tips of his fingers together for a moment before signing, "No, Neteyam. It was yours by right of claim. You decide what happens to it." He taps his fingers on his thighs for a second before continuing, "I'm sorry that you felt like you had to give it up."
Neteyam, who was resting his cheek on his father's bicep, pulls away a bit. Creases form between his eyes as he leans forward a bit, shaking his head. "No. I didn't feel as though I had to give it up. It was my choice."
Tonowari stares at him, contemplatively. "Are you sure? You really didn't want the marui you've been painstakingly caring for the last four years?"
Neteyam hesitates, glancing between his dad and Tonowari, he takes a little breath before signing, "Yes. I really thought that they should have it. And," he hesitates, pressing his lips together tightly, "I chose that marui before Ao'nung started courting me. I chose that marui when I still thought I was going to end up with Hexe'ek."
Tonowari's forehead creases as his eyes widen, panicked as he immediately looked to his friend while Tao'su looks plainly put off. "Hexe'ek?" His face scrunches up more. "Why would he be your only option? Why would you pick that marui for him?"
"I didn't pick the marui for him," Neteyam signs slowly. "I picked it for me. Hexe'ek was the only one showing any interest in me - "
"He's five years older than you, and I would have killed him if he tried anything," Tao'su huffs, teeth grinding together but that was the only thing that stopped him from speaking out loud. "That young man had no right to be looking at you the way he was when you were that age."
Tonowari doesn't interfere with their conversation in that regard, but there is something about his expression that tells Neteyam, if something had happened, Tonowari wouldn't have stopped Tao'su. Neteyam may have become a recognized adult by Metkayina standers, but realistically, Tonowari wouldn't approve of any sort of bonding rituals between any pair if they were younger than sixteen, and even that's probably pushing it. Especially with one mate being so much older.
Neteyam takes a breath before signing, "I wanted Ao'nung. But he was promised to another and tradition states that only the son can oppose the father. And while we were getting close, he wasn't a recognized adult, I couldn't ask to court him - nor would I want to try and ruin our friendship because I selfishly wanted more from him. I never thought that he was unhappy with his betrothal to Ha'lir."
"We could have talked," Tonowari signs slowly. "I would have heard you out."
Neteyam smiles faintly at that. "My powers begun manifesting stronger than ever before. I was one of the youngest in recent history for our clan to pass into adulthood. I just went through three days of actual hell with my brother out at sea and I was in no position to be doing anything on my own. I wasn't ready to really be thinking about my future in any capacity. I was going through the motions of what I thought I was supposed to do - find a potential mate for the future, a home for us to live, and prepare for the next leg of my journey."
Neteyam looks between Tonowari and Tao'su, noting that both were watching his hands closely, both their own varied degrees of troubled by what he's saying. "But everything was happening too fast, and mama asked me to stay home for a year, and well, I never wanted to go. I thought it was what was expected of me. I just didn't want to be alone. Mama asked me to stay and never asked me to leave." A pause, then, "I do like the marui, but it... it's not my future. Ao'nung is my future."