Author's Note: Here we go! Off to the next one!
"I am having regrets," Neteyam says in the doorway to the Sully marui the next morning.
Neytiri jumps in surprise but smiles happily upon seeing him while Jake and Tsu'tey both seem troubled by his words.
"What's wrong?" Tsu'tey asks, worry flickering across his face.
Neteyam reaches up to twirl at his soaked hair, being sure to thoroughly clean it once he undid the braids. He had started feeling apprehensive this morning, just thinking about what inconvenience he had brought to the Sully family by his request. All night he kept trying to think of a way to tell them that he changed his mind, that he was sorry for being so presumptuous and that he didn't mean to take up their free time. But the more he thought about it, the more he tried to rationalize his reasoning, he kept getting this strong feeling that they weren't going to take it as an answer. They wouldn't be as compelled by his loose reasoning as he was - and that's to say, he wasn't very compelled by his own reasoning.
"There is nothing wrong..." Neteyam says softly. "I just... I feel bad for wasting your time. I just..." He looks down at his feet. "I'm sorry. I feel so silly for doing this to you."
"You didn't do anything to us," Jake says, frowning. "And besides that, we would love to help you. This is a good bonding experience for the Omatikaya. It's a nice time to sit and chat seeing as no one is going anywhere for a while." He offers a little smile.
Neteyam frowns, though, despite that. He tugs still at the long strands of his hair falling down his cheat to his belly button, the ends soaked enough that the short walk through the village wasn't enough to dry it. "It feels like something really personal, and I didn't realize it until last night and I feel bad for making you feel bad enough to help me. I really didn't mean to lay it on you like that. I feel so bad."
"Don't be," Tsu'tey says, walking over and cupping his chin with his fingers, tilting it up so that he would look at the tallest of the forest Na'vi's eyes. "We are happy to do this. Besides, it gives us a chance to just talk."
"If you really don't want to," Jake says slowly, a look of sadness crossing his features, "don't let us force you."
"You aren't forcing me," Neteyam says softly, looking at both males through his long lashes, which seems to melt both of them. "I just feel bad. I didn't want you all to feel forced to waste your free day on me. I wasn't thinking."
"Don't be," Neytiri says sweet, walking over to smile down at him. "Those boys spent the whole morning straightening up and getting everything ready for your visit."
Neteyam's ears flatten. "I did inconvenience you..."
"No, ma'yawntu," Tsu'tey says softly, still gripping his chin gently. "We are very excited to have you here, please don't worry."
Neteyam blinks a few times, kneading his hands at his stomach before nodding slowly. "Okay... but only if you promise that it isn't a bother..."
Tsu'tey smiles. "I promise. Now come, let's get started. You have a lot of hair."
He allows Tsu'tey and Jake to lead him over to where a few baskets of supplies were waiting. He sits down and Neytiri starts to comb through his hair, eyes scanning the long black strands. He looks around at all their faces as they dried his hair and after a few minutes of silence, he asks, "Is something wrong?"
"No," Neytiri says, shaking her head. "I was just wondering; how do you feel about a trim? Nothing too much if you don't want, but to get rid of these dead ends?"
"Oh," Neteyam says, blinking. "I don't mind. I don't really know how to take care of it, so I never noticed how long it got or how bad the ends were. I don't mind if I get rid of it, especially if it's shorter it'll be a little easier to deal with."
"Are you sure?" Neytiri asks, peaking at him from over his shoulder. "How about I start off with two inches and if next time you want more off, then we can. How's that?"
Neteyam nods, cheeks darkening. "Yes, ma'am."
Neytiri smiles and gets to work. After the bottom two inches are cut off, they start portioning out his hair, piling all his hair up onto the top of his head and starting at the nape of his neck.
After a moment, Neytiri leans around him to look at him in the eye and asks, "Are you okay if I do your kuru too? At least the top half so that it can all be done at the same time and it's not different levels of grown out?"
Neteyam blinks in surprise. It shouldn't be a problem, right? All three of them are mated - with each other. And he has no reason to believe that they would do something untoward to him. He actually really likes them, and she is offering to just do the top for him, especially if he's uncomfortable, he's willing to bed. It's something to help him. That's very sweet.
"Oh, that isn't a problem?" he asks softly.
She smiles. "Not at all, my love."
Nervously, Neteyam plays with the flap of his tewng trying to work out his anxious energy as she sets to work unraveling his tswain with expert hands, brushing through the strands, trim the ends of it, before setting to work at the base of his kuru, starting to braid while Jake and Tsu'tey start their own braids. After a few moments of silence, Neteyam, unable to handle the silence, asks, "Is it normal for forest Na'vi?"
"Is what normal?" Jake asks, expert hands finishing off the first braid.
"Well, I um, my kuru starts at the base of my skull, not the top of it, like the reef Na'vi do, and I hadn't really thought about it until now, but I'm wondering if that is something normal for forest Na'vi?"
All three sets of hands freeze. He glances over at Jake, to his right, to see him looking between Neytiri and Tsu'tey from over the top of his head. Worried that he had asked something too personal, he opened his mouth to tell them to forget about it, but then Jake, carefully says, "There is some..." He clears his throat. "Mine starts at the base of my skull. My kids too."
Neteyam's shoulders loosen in relief. He had always thought it was strange that his kuru started at the base of his skull instead of the top like the Metkayina's and the other associated reef clans, but he hadn't seen forest Na'vi until recently and hadn't even thought about it until now. Neytiri hadn't said anything about it being strange, so he just had to ask. It's a relief to know that it wasn't out of the ordinary. Out of the six forest Na'vi he knows, it sounds like at least four of them have it. He's not sure why it is, but he's just glad to know that he's not strange for it.
"Okay," Neteyam says, looking down at the bottom of his feet pressed together. He grabs hold of his ankles and rocks a bit, like he used to as a kid. He catches the softest look pass over Tsu'tey's face before he continues to braid Neteyam's hair.
Neteyam looks around the marui, comforted in the quiet. He takes in all of the personality pieces that the Sully family brought to the marui. Of the many times he imaged this marui filled with things, it was always the aesthetic of the reef Na'vi and their culture, things that were familiar to him, but the marui is now filled with the essence of the forest. And while it's mostly unfamiliar and almost jostles his brain trying to merge the two worlds together, he really likes it. The touches of the forest brought to the marui, something he hadn't considered doing when the marui had been his.
He thought it would make him sad, seeing it like this. He had come to see it before they received news of Chief Neveus, when he was talking with Neytiri, but hadn't really gotten to look around and take it in. A part of him knew he had to see if morph into the Sully's home so that he could finally let go of these tiny threads of lingering desire, but now that he is seeing it... well, he likes it. It feels... complete somehow. Like this was how it was meant to be. And those final threads fall away, and a smile graces his lips, no matter how small.
"Your marui is beautiful," Neteyam hears himself say.
A pause, then, "Thank you," Neytiri says. Another pause, then, "The Tsahik told me... that the marui was to be yours."
Jake and Tsu'tey stare at the side of his head, no doubt having known this too. Either Neytiri told them or someone else spilled the news.
"She shouldn't have done that," Neteyam says, shaking his head. "But I'm happy to see it. It's been sitting empty for so many years, it's about time someone finally took it over."
"Can I ask why?" Jake asks. "Why you owned it but never lived here? I get that you're almost sixteen now, and probably weren't ready to leave your... family. But it was still yours for many years, based on my understanding."
Neteyam looks down at his feet, considering what to say. He lets out a little breath before crossing his legs. It's something else only he had done as a kid. Most of the Metkayina before him always sat on their legs instead of their behind like he does sometimes. He does both now, but as a kid, he used to exclusively sit on his butt until he started getting into the habit of switching off. He might have just been strange, because Tsu'tey was sitting on his legs while working on the next braid, but Jake was sitting on his butt.
So, it had to be something he learned from the forest, like Jake did. It can definitely get uncomfortable for his tail if he sits like that for long periods of time but at least he's not the only one who does it.
"I am gifted by the Great Mother," Neteyam says, carefully, not wanting it to seem like he's boasting or full of himself. "She grants me greater insight, even intuition, but also... well, I'm good at things. Not always right away and I have to work hard to perfect things, but I tend to get things a lot faster than a normal person does. As a kid, before my powers began to manifest, the seeds of Eywa would follow me around in the water. It was... it was how my dad found me all those years ago."
A strained silence, before Jake asks softly, "Can you talk about it? About what happened?"
Neteyam nods, glancing over at him. "My dad and his hunting party were out in the water when a damaged object by the Sky People fell into the water a way off from them. They went to investigate and saw it was sinking, the side of it had fire coming from it that was extinguished by the water as it sank lower. There wasn't any sign of the Sky People around it, yet the water was tinged with blood."
Neytiri's hands stop moving, a small intake of breath behind him.
"They had crashed into akula territory and unbeknownst to my dad at the time, the akula had been swimming around underneath, gobbling up the Sky People that were fleeing from the object."
"Gunship," Jake says, voice low, pained. "A Sky People gunship."
"Gunship," Neteyam repeats, finally putting a name to the object in his mind's eye. Mangled and gnarled when he had seen it, torn to shreds by the akula.
He takes a moment to collect himself before continuing, "The hunters were going to leave, they didn't know what was going on and they didn't want to risk more Sky People coming and them accidentally leading them back to Awa'atlu. But just before they left, my dad saw a school of Eywa Seeds, circling the downed object - the gunship. And he felt... compelled to go. As he drew a bit closer, he could almost hear me. A child screaming in terror."
Neytiri's hand reaches out, gripping onto Jake's forearm, squeezing hard enough for her knuckles to turn white, but he doesn't seem to notice, his eyes focused on Neteyam, not breaking eye contact for a moment.
"You were terrified," he whispers, eyes wrought with agony and Neteyam is compelled by his compassion to admit the truth.
"Yes. I was so scared. I don't remember a lot from that time, but I do remember dad coming to me when I called for him," Neteyam says quietly, lowering his eyes to his lap again, unable to take the pain in Jake's eyes. He was a Sky Person once. No doubt this wounds him in ways Neteyam will never be able to understand. "Daddy, daddy, daddy, I kept calling. I can still hear it in my ear."
Jake's entire body flinches at that. He brings his hands up his face, covering them for a moment as this powerful emotion swells up inside of him. Neteyam can feel actual agony rolling off of the other man. Heart wrenching, gut-hollowing agony that seems to pull at the seams of his being. And beneath all of that agony, is shame. Like a bitter taste in Neteyam's mouth.
He's so... sensitive to Jake. Something about him - perhaps his connection to Eywa as one of her blessed make it so - but he's always been pretty good at reading people, due to his gift, but since the first day he met Jake, it feels like something more. It feels like they are far more connected to one another. He can feel the other man so much clearer than he can feel others.
Eywa's Chosen, as Ronal refers to him as.
"He found me," Neteyam says softly, reaching up to lightly take Jake's hands as he turns to him. He had meant it to be comforting, also figuring that the man would fight his hold, but he didn't. He let his hands be pulled from his face and staring into Jake's shimmering eyes, Neteyam can feel it, like searing heat across his skin. A fire. Strange, loud popping noises that make his ears ring and ache. A child screaming. "Daddy, daddy, daddy!" Just as Neteyam had.
And Jake, younger. The vision hazy, cloudy, like the image chasing itself. He looks around, face pinched in fear. His lips moving, calling out for someone. His eyes scanning. Other blurs move to him. Grab him. Pull him. He fights. He searches blindly. Frantically calling, but Neteyam's ears are ringing to loud for him to hear.
A crack.
Blood sprays from Jake. He stumbles, falling into the arms of the Na'vi pulling at him. His hand comes up to his chest, blood pouring from his mouth in a red blur. They drag him off. He weakly fights. He reaches out for something that can't reach back.
Neteyam blinks, and he's back.
Neteyam's eyes lower to Jake's chest, spotting a small white scar on his torso, just below where the ribs meet.
The harsh reality lands on his shoulders heavier than any stone he's had to assist the clan in moving to create walls or fortify positions. A nearly unbearable weight settling on his chest, shaped like a tiny scar from something that almost ended Jake Sully's life. Sky People. Sky People killed the owner of the song cord around Tsu'tey's neck. That had to be it. And Jake was reliving the agony of that day, triggered by Neteyam's words.
"He found me," Neteyam says again, chest hollowing in sadness for what he had done to the other man. "He saved me. Carried me in his arms back to his skimwing where the other hunters met up with him again. And he brought me home as the akula tore the Sky People gunship to shreds."
A long moment of silence as Neytiri pulls her hand away from Jake's forearm, an impression of white left behind from the strength of her grip that slowly fades back to its natural dark blue.
"And they never looked?" Neytiri asks quietly. "Never sought your family?"
"Dad went, many times, for years," Neteyam says, squeezing Jake's hands because he feels like the older man needs it. He closes his eyes, pressing them tightly closed before taking a shuddering breath and blinking the tears, and the pain, away. His face falling into a chillingly cold mask.
And when he smiles to Neteyam, it's hollow. Ghastly imitation of a smile.
"He never found them," Neteyam finally says, squeezing Jake's hands one more time before scooting back into place. "Eventually I told him to stop going. I didn't want to know. Not about the place I came from. Or about them." Not entirely untrue. At the time, he had become so upset that he wanted nothing to do with any of it. He just wanted to live his life here, with people who loved him. It's only been in the last few years that again the desire to know more has been prickling at his spine. But he wasn't going to tell them that. He wasn't going to tell anyone that.
He catches Tsu'tey rubbing at his face in his peripheral, lips pressed thin but when Neteyam glanced over the other male tilted his chin forward and got back to work on braiding his hair. They sit in silence for a moment, all absorbing what was spoken about.
Finally, Neteyam continued, "It was during the Gathering when I was ten or eleven that people started realizing I was seeing vision gifted by Eywa. I had yet to be recognized as a member of the Metkayina at that point. I was adopted by my parents, yes, but I wasn't a fully-fledged member of the clan. Old traditions of the reef people, as it were. I had yet to prove myself."
Neytiri moves Neteyam's kuru over his shoulder, neatly braided once more and smelling of some sort of wonderful oil that she put into it.
"We were around the communal fire, the Olo'eyktan sharing stories of their people, when Rotxo had noticed I was staring off into the fire blankly. Hypnotizing movements can trigger a vision for me. Like fish swimming in a continuous circle, fire dancing back and forth, even waves pulling in and out. If I stare at it for too long, I can be sucked into a vision. For a few weeks leading up to this, I had been having black outs. I would wake up from seemingly nowhere, collapsed onto the ground for no rhyme or reason. I had a lot more freedom back then, so no one realized what was happening."
"Wait," Tsu'tey says, his voice rough. "Is that why you were asking about forest Na'vi having visions? Because yours make you pass out?" His voice is tinged with horror.
"No," Neteyam says quickly. "Well, I don't think so. I can only interpret them as black outs at the time because I have no memory of the visions I'm seeing. It's like I blink and one moment I'm standing, and the next I'm on the ground. They were so strange and seemingly only minutes passed between these black outs that I never told anyone about them. I didn't want to make a big deal out of them."
"Neteyam," Neytiri chastises. "That's extremely dangerous!"
"I know," Neteyam says, looking down at his lap again. "Mama, dad, Ronal and Tonowari all took their swings at me for that one. I have never gotten into so much trouble in my entire life."
"You kids," Neytiri huffs. There seems to be an aggravating story there. "No," she says, head shaking hard enough for the beads in her hair to clack against one another. "No, you boys. I swear." Okay, a very aggravating story, it seems.
"Rotxo had seen me staring off and asked me what was up," Neteyam continues slowly, hoping to take her mind off of whatever it was she was thinking. She takes down more of his hair to braid, pinning the rest back to the top of his head. "I started telling him about a hurricane that was brewing. It was going to hit one of the gathered clan's village in a week's time. Just after they returned from the Gathering. The Olo'eykan's son, of that particular clan, had been seated a few people away from me. He had gotten upset, saying I was cursing his clan. He yanked me up to my feet, pulling me so violently from the vision, I vomited onto the ground, grew dizzy and fell over. I had no idea what I had said but it resulted in the clans getting into an argument."
"Is that normal?" Jake asks quietly. "To just get sick like that?"
"No, definitely not. It only happens now if the vision is extremely intense. I think it's mostly a way for my body to expel the tension the vision brought me, not something directly linked to an act by the vision itself," Neteyam explains.
"Okay..." Jake says slowly, frowning. That didn't seem to assuage him in the slightest.
"The chief was able to clear it up, everyone believing I was just playing a prank when I had no idea what was going on. Generally, I was a good kid so no one could understand why I would do that, I didn't even know why I would do that." Neteyam catches himself running his fingers over his kuru and forces himself to stop. "But the next day, it happened again. I was sitting at the docks, watching some of the men show off their skill in the water, when another vision hit me. This time, I spoke about a special bell moss that is usually accidently grown from crustations in specific areas of the reef that was growing in abundance somewhere well within reach of another neighboring clan, but very far from us. Somewhere I've never been. I wasn't supposed to ride Shixo at the time as I wasn't an adult yet by Metkayina standards and ilu don't have the stamina to carry someone that far."
More hair braided. More hair pulled from the mass on top of his head.
"People thought I was trying to get attention, though it was such a strange way to do it. But the Gathering came and went and as the clans started heading off, they began to notice the growing unrest in the sky off in the distance. The tell-tale signs of an approaching hurricane. Awa'atlu experienced harsh winds and rising tides, but the clan in question, the Apropti... their home was destroyed." Neteyam's shoulders pull up to his ears, remembering being shaken to his core when he had learned the news. How all the adults in the clan had turned to look at him. Horrified. Confused. Angry.
Many had begged for him to be removed, Neteyam wasn't supposed to know. Begged Tonowari and Ronal to send him away. Take him out into the middle of the ocean where he was found and left to die. And despite being as horrified and confused as their clan, both had denied them.
"So, you had been right," Jake says. "About both things, I'm assuming."
Neteyam nods. "And while one clan was prospering, another was picking up the shredded remains of their people. One of the nearby clans went to assist them, Chief Neveus and his clan. I don't know the entire politics behind it, but afterward, the Apropti clan was absorbed by Chief Neveus's clan."
"That's the man that went missing," Tsu'tey clarifies.
Neteyam nods again, not wanting to think about the horrible vision that they are assuming he saw of the kind man's death. Horribly, by the sounds of it. He had been a nice man. He had spent weeks and many resources trying to help the Apropti rebuild their home, but apparently it was unsalvageable.
And the Apropti... well, they never forgave him. Every year at the Gathering, they glare and sneer and whisper ill on him. They don't care that he is Tsakarem of the Metkayina. They think that he cursed them. Or he should have done more to make them believe him so that they could save their home. Their families.
"After that, Ronal started monitoring me closer, and she came to realize that I was seeing visions, that these blackouts I was experiencing had been visions I wasn't remembering. After the most horrifying vision that I actually recall having come and passed, Tonowari suggested that I take the trial to become a recognized adult by the Metkayina clan standards. Become a true member of the clan. So, I did, and earned myself my marui." He gestures to the space around them.
"Wait, you don't remember any of them, except for one?" Jake asks, perplexed, finishing another braid and fishing out more hair for the next one. "Why?"
"I don't know why it was different. Maybe because I got so scared of them that I started fighting them. I would hide away from things that would trigger it. I would barely leave the marui and lived in constant fear. It made me sick, not seeing the visions," Neteyam continues, glancing up and around the room. He catches sight of three bows strung up proudly on a stand built specifically to hold them. Two are beautiful in their own way, but plain compared to the complexity and almost regal design of the last one. Probably Jake's, as former Olo'eyktan.
"They make you sick," Tsu'tey repeats, almost... disgusted.
They did if he didn't see them, and sometimes when he did, so he couldn't argue the point.
"It got so bad, that I saw myself get taken from the clan. I don't remember by who, I was too sick. Vomiting and sweating, unable to eat through the swelling in my throat. I dreamed I was floating away in the water. It was dark, my parents were in another meeting with Ronal and Tonowari about me, all of them scared for me. Rotxo took our younger brother Rowee to a friend's marui to stay the night while he would come back to take care of me. The rocking motion of the water made me even more sick. My head pounding, my body weak. But I saw it, the swirling pattern of the seeds, and I was too weak to fight - malnourished and dehydrated. So, I had a vision. Within a vision, so strange. And another. And another. And another. But this time, I blacked out and didn't wake up until two days later."
That had been the first time he had a seizure.
"The splashing," Rotxo's panicked huffing in his ear, a shadow of a memory in the fog of visions. "I heard him splashing. That's how I saw him."
"Great Mother," Neytiri whispers, horrified as Neteyam shakes the hollow memory that doesn't make sense from his mind. "That sounds... scary."
"It's never happened again," Neteyam offers, catching this strange look pass between Jake and Tsu'tey, that they both direct toward Neytiri. Her hands still on his hair for a split second before continuing.
"I can't be alone," Neteyam finally just says. "The short of it is that I'll never be able to live alone. It's not safe for me. If I have a vision while I'm alone, no one will know what it is that the Great Mother is trying to show us. But also, it's not safe for me."
"Are seizures... common?" Jake asks, voice tense once more.
Neteyam doesn't respond right away, trying to think of how to say this. His silence is enough for them to tense up again, and he feels bad for worrying them. Carefully, he says, "I need to have these visions. And seeing as you will be around me for a while, I'll need you to understand that sometimes I can be pulled out of them before they come and it's fine, but if I can't, don't force me. Sometimes my mind just wanders, and I can't help it. It's not a vision really, but my eyes getting stuck and my mind wandering. When people try to pull me back, it's from that, not a vision."
Neteyam looks between the two males, then over his shoulder at Neytiri. All sharing pensive looks between them.
"As for the seizures, they don't happen every time. It's usually when I'm stressed out or I push myself too hard or I'm not taking care of myself. And if they do, just hold me." He flushes, embarrassed by admitting that. "My dad will hum my song to me. It usually helps me. But don't feel like you have to. I'll come out of it either way."
This strange look crosses over Tsu'tey's face. "What song?"
"I think it was my song cord song. I don't remember the words, but I remember the tune. My dad wasn't able to find out if it had actually been a clan song or not, but it always brought me comfort and dad was told that most forest Na'vi hum their children their song cord when they are young, so that's what we think it is." He flushes a bit more before softly humming the only verse he remembers.
Tsu'tey's eyes slam shut at the sound of Neteyam's song, lip quivering for only a split second, fast enough for Neteyam to think he imagined it, before his expression straightens out and he nods.
"Just ask me what I'm seeing," Neteyam continues, "and listen. Try not to touch me too much and when I get out of it, I'll let you know what I need. This is all assuming my dad and Tonowari aren't around. Get them if you can, but if for some reason we're alone, don't leave me." He can hear the clacking of Neytiri's braids and see both Jake and Tsu'tey shaking their heads, as if the idea of living him was impossible.
Neteyam smiles loosely looking back over at Jake. "So, I guess the shortest answer for your question is that I can't live alone. And now that I'm betrothed to Ao'nung, we'll find a marui together. I don't mind that you have it, that you have made it your own. In fact, I think it's beautiful. Thank you for making this beautiful place a part of you and making it so easy for me to walk away."
"You know, if you want it for you and Ao'nung - " Jake starts but Neteyam shakes his head.
"It's one of the largest in the village, perfect for a family of your size, and besides, I like the idea of us picking something together," Neteyam says softly, flushing once more. He looks down at the pouch on his side where his betrothal gift sits safely inside. He wants to put it on once his hair is done. This is the first time in a long time that Neteyam has gone so long without wearing it. His forehead feels strange.
They sit in silence for a few minutes, digesting everything that they learned, the three adults working methodically though his hair.
"Thank you for telling us," Tsu'tey finally says and Neteyam nods, flashing him a sweet smile, which he returned with a gentle one of his own before getting back to it.
There was one piece of the story that Neteyam didn't say. A small part about his visions that he was becoming increasingly aware of. Something that he knows Ronal and Tonowari had realized, his dad too. As his dad went to see the Reef of Souls enough times to plead with the Great Mother to take her gift back. To stop showing Neteyam visions. To make him a normal boy again. To take away the edge of power he provides to the Metkayina. The strategic reason for breaking off a unity between two strong clans through marriage.
Begged and pleaded, not realizing his son was watching as he cried to the Great Mother, frustrated that so many of his prayers were unanswered. Blatantly denied.
As Neteyam grew older, his father's faith in the Great Mother waned more and more. And Neteyam knew why, but he didn't know how to stop it. He was always humble, always thankful. He spoke in kindness and love. He tried only to show his happiness, his joy. But still, his father felt only sorrow.
Slowly, but surely, these visions were killing him. Not in days or months or even years, but in decades, no doubt. Each vision taking a tiny piece of him that he'll never get back. He may live until he's forty, or fifty. Long enough to have a few kids and raise them and love them, and selfishly enjoy what time he can have with Ao'nung for as long as he can.
If Neteyam was truly as good of a person as he wanted people to believe, he would let Ao'nung go. He would live his life in solitude, sticking around for people to bear witness to his visions before vanishing to the sidelines of their lives. If he was good, he wouldn't shackle Ao'nung to him forever and promise him thirty or forty years at most. But he was not good. He was selfish. All he wanted was someone who would love him forever. His forever, apparently.
If he was truly good, he would be different. Be selfless. Be better.
And in his own way, that's why they wait. Why he can't let Ao'nung sleep with him yet. One, it's not right as Ao'nung isn't a recognized adult even though he's older than Neteyam - they think. But two, because Neteyam wants to give Ao'nung enough time to realize the truth himself and make the choice himself. Because Neteyam is too much of a coward to throw it all away himself. He'll wait, give Ao'nung the chance to find something better, realize this isn't what he wants, or come to terms with the fact that he will grow old without Neteyam.
Neteyam is just too much of a coward to be a better man. He could, if he was stronger. He could walk up to his betrothed and prove that he was better than he thinks that he is.
But he's not. At his core, he's just as selfish as anyone else.