"Welcome to the house of God, young man..." A flashing look of realization passes through the eyes of the priest. "It's an honor to finally meet you, Lord Shibata, King of Japan." He then bows, it's kinda of weird seeing a priest do that to someone like me.
I wave at him. "Yo, you're Kotomine Kirei right? Rin's sorta dad? I came here 'cause she told me you called me." It's weird to finally met the legal guardian of my sex slave... I feel kind of nervous, hopefully I don't embarrass myself!
Actually, now I feel bad for Rin and Sakura. That's because I made them meet with my parents with no prior time to prepare. They must have felt just as nervous as I am right now.
The priest smiles. "Indeed, I am the father of the girl who you turned into a sex slave." Wow, when you just say that outloud it sounds weird. "And I did indeed call you here Lord God Slayer. The Holy Church would like to... apologize." Yep, this is Doni's fault.
I scratch my head. "Oh ok. I will accept your guys apologies then. By the way, isn't it kinda weird to allow a Campione to enter a church? Should I like... Wait outside?" I'm not particularly religious, but dad told me I should respect other's beliefs.
Kirei snorts. "There will be no need... Still to imply that God could be a heretic god." He chuckles. "Well, I suppose it is indeed possible." Oh, I wonder what sort of authority someone would get for killing the big G... It would probably be awesome, maybe just as awesome as the fight would be.
I can't help, but grin at the thought. Kirei quickly notices and comments. "A Campione through and through. Though I suppose I should have know that from the moment you made Rin your toy." I just did it because you guys let me. "Even so... you do admittedly have a different aura than those I have met in the past." Wait a minute...
My eyes widen. "You met other Campione?" The priest nods. "Can you tell me about them? Now I'm sorta curious on why I have a different aura." I imagine maybe he met Doni? Italy's King did mention he worked closely with the Holy Church.
Kirei smiles. "Very well, I have met two Campione throughout my life... Besides you of course." He looks up, to the ceiling, as if lost in thought. "The first one was back in a dead apostle hunt, there I met Sasha Dejanstahl Voban. The man was quite terrifying..." Eh, never heard of him.
He then continues. "The second was during the fourth Holy Grail War." The what? There was a war about the holy grail? There were four wars about the holy grail!? "There I met China's King, Luo Hao. She was just as intimidating as the last one..." Oh, I heard that name before! Doni mentioned here. "That's where you differ... You certainly seem more approachable than the average Campione." Is that a compliment I wonder?
I smile. "Oh cool, thanks." But now I have a whole new question I want answered. "What's the Holy Grail War by the way? Is the fifth happening right now?" I want to join in if that's the case! Surely something that sounds so cool can't be lame!
Kirei grins. "Oh? Rin did not mention this to you? How... unlike her to omit such important information. Specially since you are without a doubt her most valuable ally..." Maybe she forgot! Though Rin is smart, so it's unlikely. Even so, maybe it's just not that much big of a deal. "The Holy Grail War is a battle between mages, one where the winner may have his wish granted." Yep, not that important.
Everything I want has been granted by my rebirth pretty much, so I don't really care. The battle between mages could be fun I guess, but as a Campione, I'm naturally above them. I have super crazy magic resistance after all.
Kirei continues. "In this battle each mage summons a servant. A legendary hero who has dies ages ago and imprinted their legend among human history." Okay, that does sound much fucking cooler. Maybe I can fight some legendary swordsman!
I raise a hand. "Ah, I don't really care about the wishes part! But I do want to join in... Can I?" How does one qualify? Do I have to pay an entrance fee, because if so then it's no trouble for me.
Kirei shrugs. "Who's to say... The fifth war has not yet started. And for one to enter the Holy Grail War, they must be chosen by the grail itself. This is signified by three marks that appear on one's hand. This would make that mage a master, one capable of summoning a servant supported by the grail." Eh, sounds way too complicated. I didn't understand a single thing of what he said.
I frown. "I'll pass then. Battles are cool, but I doubt even some legendary hero could give me much of a challenge." I basically am a legendary hero anyways, but like an alive one. Which automatically makes me better.
Kirei nods. "I see. What a shame though, I imagine with your tastes, the grail would suit your need." I raise a questioning eyebrow at that. "It's just that in the past war, quite a beauty was summoned... It turns out that the legendary King Arthur was a breathtaking woman." Oh, okay, I'm getting the grail.
My face has become serious. "Tell the grail I want to join in early. I'm making King Arthur my concubine no matter what." And if the grail doesn't listen to me... I'll be mad or something! I'll make it illegal to watch Monty Python!
Kirei smirks. "I'm afraid talking with the grail is impossible..." No! Despair! "But the grail was made from three mage families, the Tohsaka, the Matou and The Einzbern. You made two of them your bed warmers, so perhaps they can help you?" This guy...!
I give him a thumbs up. "Thanks for the info! You're a swell guy Kirei! I'll make sure to annoy Rin and Sakura a bunch from now on!" I might even go after this Einzbern fellows. They probably live in this city too, right?
Kirei chuckles. "I see... Now allow me to give you a few gifts." Oh!? Free stuff!? "The Holy Church sent them, consider them part of the apology Lord Shibata." He raises an arm. "Still, I must go get them, so give me a mom-" A cute sounding voice interrupts him.
"That won't be necessary. I brought them here Father Kotomine." It's a young girl, even younger than Sakura. Surprisingly she's carrying a big chest of some kind. She looks super frail, so it's definitely impressive, though I imagine most people would focus first on her white hair and her yellow eyes. I want to make her my sex slave!
Kotomine's eye slightly twitches. "Sister Hortensia, I believe I told you I was gonna handle meeting with Lord Shibata by myself." Awwww, she's a nun? Then I can't have sex with her, pretty sure it would be inconsiderate towards her beliefs.
Hortensia smiles. "And I believe I told you this was my mission? I was handpicked by Kiara, a member of the Burial Agency herself... Unless you believe to know better than her?" Oh, is Kirei trying to stop Hortensia from progressing in her career? That's bad!
Kirei grits her teeth. "When it's that wom- No, very well. Carry on Sister Hortensia, present our gifts to Lord Shibata, as was your mission. Bringing. The. Gifts." I feel like I'm missing context, but okay.
Hortensia carefully puts the chest on the floor. "Indeed." Then she bows. "Allow me to introduce myself Lord Shibata. My name is Caren Hortensia, I am two years younger than you, and today is not my safe day. Oh, and Father Kirei is my biological father." Okay...? I feel like you dropped some information that isn't all that important.
Kirei sighs. "Sister Hortensia, how is any of that important to your mission at all?" Yeah, but now I'm also wondering why you need to call her sister if she's your daughter... Everything has been complicated ever since I got here.
Caren smiles. "It's important because I have brought the gifts, the offerings, the sacrifices..." That sounds spooky! Specially when you said that with a blushing face! "And speaking of them." She opens the chest. "Let me explain what they are, the first one is the legendary shroud..." And then I tune her out.
I don't want to be rude of course, but I don't really care about any of the stuff she's talking about. Still, I will act like a kid that got a present he didn't want on Christmas and accept it with a smile on my face. Kirei has been a real nice dude after all, no reason to act like a douche to him.
Caren goes on for a while, but eventually she closes the chest. "And those are the gifts given to you Lord Shibata. May they aid you in your rightful journey of killing gods." Weird that you're okay with that, but I guess it's all good as long as it's not the big G?
I smile, it's as awkward as you would expect. "Wow, thanks, I love it. You guys got me just what I wanted..." Eh, at least the chest looks all cool and gold. Maybe I can put some cool stuff inside of that. "Anyways, I'll be taking them and leaving. Bye." I go to pick the chests, but before that...
Caren crosses her arms. "Aren't you perhaps forgetting something Lord Shibata? Something important...?" No...? I did say thanks right? I'm sure I did, so I shouldn't be forgetting anything.
Kirei sighs. "Damn it Caren, why are you doing this?" W-wow! You called her by her first name! It feels weird to hear you say it, but what did you mean by doing this anyways?
Caren rolls her eyes. "Stay out of this Father Kotomine..." Then Caren does a praying pose. "Yes Father, you cannot do anything. It seems I must quell the rage of the Campione. Me, a beautiful young girl who is fully capable of being impregnated and broken." Cool...? Nuns are weird nowadays.
I scratch my head awkwardly. "Um... I'm not angry or anything. If this is still about the Doni tantrum thing, I'm sure that he was exaggerating..." Maybe coming here wasn't a good idea, now I kinda just want to take my cool looking chest and leave.
Caren sighs. "Must I teach the fish how to swim?" She glares at me for an instant, and then goes back to her praying pose. "Oh, poor me. Imagine how horrible it would be if a beast took my virginity in the house of God... I'm a virgin by the way... In front of my own father, who is just as helpless as me..." Yeah, that sounds pretty bad.
Kirei actually face palms. "Care- Sister Hortensia, please stop embarrassing yourself. Go to the room I assigned to you, tomorrow you shall return home. Be proud, for your mission went smoothly." Yep, no complications.
Caren stops her innocent pose and spats. "You cannot order me to do anything Father Kotomine." She then glares at me. "And you... Aren't you gonna make me your concubine already!?" Eh!? Where did this come from!? Aren't you a nun!?
Caren then takes a deep breath, as if calming herself down... But she seems strangely shaken? "Don't tell me you think I'm unattractive? I... I'm not right?" Now Caren sounds like a girl that was called ugly by her crush, completely depressed. "And I even did my hair today..." It does look really nice.
I put my hands up. "You're super pretty!" She gives me a slight smile. "In like a little sister sort of way!" That smile dies an ugly death. "It's just that you're a nun, so I can't make you my concubine..." Throughout this, Kotomine simply stares at the roof, lost in thought and in life. I wonder just what sort of revelation he is receiving right now?
Caren's eye twitches. "It is precisely because I am a nun that you should desire me above all else. Do you not wish to see my face contort in pleasure and pain? To see tears leave my face as you make me a woman?" Well, the pleasure part sounds nice, but the pain is just mean.
I tilt my head. "Why are you so insistent on being my concubine anyways?" It certainly wasn't like this with either Rin or Tohsaka... Could it be that she has a crush on me!? Has my popular phase begun!?
Kirei nods to my question. "I would also like to know why are you throwing yourself like blood to sharks... Is there anything wrong with your life back at the Hortensia's?" So I'm the shark here? That sounds dope.
Caren shakes her head in denial. "There is nothing wrong with my family..." Then her eyed suddenly become full of resolve. "But I heard from Sister Kiara, that this new Campione is a beast that preys on young girls, that's why I'm perfect for this mission." She nods to herself and continues, back to her praying position. "Yes Lord Shibata, everytime you begin thinking about sullying a young defenseless girl... Paint my fertile womb white instead." But I want a harem...
Kirei is back to looking at the roof, so it seems that it's my duty to answer her. "How am I someone that preys on young girls!? I have two concubines, one the same ages as me, and one that's just a bit younger!" I'm not a Campione version of Hisoka.
Caren answers with a slight smile. "Sister Kiara said she could tell with one look." Well, this Kiara is wrong. "Now take me as a concubine... Right here and right now, so that I may protect this world. Heh." Well, if you're giving me permission...
I smile. "Okay then Caren, you're now my third concubine." I nod to myself. "I'll introduce you to Sakura and Rin another day, I'm sure you will love them." Caren gives me an expectant look. "Okay then, bye!" That look dies, but I don't get what she wants... I already said yes, right?
Caren seems offended at my normal decision. "Lord Shibata... Aren't you forgetting something? Again?" Ah, maybe I should check if I'm developing some memory problems? Apparently I'm forgetting a bunch of stuff lately...
I tilt my head. "No...?" And then I realize. "Oh right, the chest. I should probably bring that huh?" It's a good thing she reminded me, Caren is turning out to be a great concubine already! Maybe one day she will rival Sakura... Not that Rin is bad of course.
Caren closes her eyes for a moment, as if... just trying to take hold of the situation. Slowly she opens them again, and faces what's a head. "I mean that you forgot to rape me." I definitely didn't forget that, I just didn't think of it!
Kirei frowns. "Perhaps I should have a chat with the Hortensia's... How did she turn out like this? Rin didn't, and I of all people, raised her..." He's now muttering at the corner, seemingly lost, maybe he should find religion. Heh.
Still, now I need to answer Caren. "Sorry, it just wasn't on my mind, and... well... if you want it, then it's not rape right?" Not that a person can rape their concubines. Since Rin and Sakura belong to me, they always consent. Yep, my logic is flawless.
Caren pouts. "That's not the point Lord Shibata." She then shakes her head, and points at a chair. "But that doesn't matter, I will sit there and you can take my virginity. Surely the excitement of doing here will fulfill you and prevent any destructive urges..." She then looks at Kirei. "And who knows, perhaps someone will be a father for once and try to stop it." The priest simply ignores her.
I make a thinking pose. "I don't think people can have sex inside of a church..." But who am I to say, she's the nun here after all. "And I also don't have any condoms with me." I should have bought them already, but it's embarrassing... Maybe I could ask Waver to do it for me? That sounds just as embarrassing actually...
The white haired nun squints her eyes at me. "Condoms will not be necessary Lord Shibata." Eh? "You will be releasing your semen inside of me, therefore making me pregnant... Well, if we get lucky, considering how rare it is for a campione's seed to actually create life." But that's bad! I can't do that!
I shake my head. "Nope, it has to be with a condom, or at least be on your safe day... Also I don't feel comfortable doing it in front of your dad." Kirei still seems lost, it makes me feel kinda bad, since he gave the information about the Holy Grail War.
Caren's pout returns. "Lord Shibata, please excuse my rudeness... But why are you acting like such a virgin? Do you not wish to impregnate every girl in your sight, ignoring her feelings on the matter?" Only if they're pretty, also if they're adults.
I shrug. "I am a virgin though." The girl now looks like the apocalypse has come earlier. "And call me Yato, I thought the Lord Shibata thing would be cool, but it got old fast." Too much of a mouthful really.
Caren blinks in confusion. "But Lor- Yato, I thought you had two concubines? In fact, I'm pretty sure a few days have passed since you obtained them, so why are you a virgi- Is it a problem down there?" Thankfully no.
I scratch my head. "Nothing like that. I'm just waiting for the right time!" And it almost happened with Rin the other day... I guess it just wasn't meant to happen.
Caren seems shocked into despair, but after a moment, a quiet resolve returns. "I see, I really do need to teach the fish how to swim... Or in this case, the dragon how to breathe fire..." She nods to herself. "Yato, take me to your house, I shall slowly teach you the path." I don't want to become religious though. "Also I don't want to stay here with Father Kotomine." Fair enough!
...
My mom takes one look at Caren, and then looks back at me. "Son... I'm happy you aimed at someone so young." Hey! She's just two years younger! "But what did I tell you about respecting the religion of others? You can't defile nuns..."
I nod. "It was consensual though."
"Ah, then it's fine then! Have fun, and no sex without condoms!" I know! Gotta wonder why Caren is looking at mom like she's an enemy though.
AN: The legendary third concubine!