"Dad... Mom... I have something to confess." It's about time I told my parents my true nature, so I'll do it now before I leave for school. And more importantly, before Waver barges in and they learn about it from him... I don't know when he's arriving, so I have to tell them early.

My dad smiles. "You ate my pudding? The one I put my name on? I'm glad we raised you so well that you prioritize honesty over survival." That's not it at all, so don't go assuming stuff so quickly! Besides, I didn't touch your pudding... Why is Caren grinning?

My mom also smiles, how supportive. "You're gay." Well, I am really happy today, yesterday I got a blowjob after all. "And not as in you're happy, you're gay as in you are a homosexual." I have four girl concubines mother, I do not believe I am attracted to other men, just a hunch though.

Nonetheless she continues. "That's why you went from a mega loner to a harem having guy, you're trying to compensate right? Don't worry we will accept you no matter what! Even if Fuyuki is a horrible town to be gay, no cute men at all!" I assume you're excluding dad for obvious reasons?

Caren holds back a snort. "I highly doubt Yato is gay..." Her face suddenly becomes red, probably because she's remembering last night. "Cute." Oh well, I'll certainly accept a girl calling me cute... Unless she's talking about my penis, in that case I might cry.

I fake a cough, first looking at my father. "I didn't eat your pudding. At least not the last one." His glare doesn't diminish at all... I wonder why? Man, adults are so complicated, why can't they just say what they are feeling outloud!? That's it, to teach my father a lesson, I will be eating his pudding again later.

Then I look towards my mom. "I'm also not gay. Though I do appreciate the support I would have received if I was of course." It's always good to know I have supportive parents! "Anyways... My real secret is something much more... secretive. Nobody knows it except for me..." And Rin, and Sakura, and Caren, and Illya... And probably all of Britain...

I ignore the realization I am not Batman, and continue speaking. "I am... a Campione! I killed a god! And it wasn't morally wrong, so please don't get mad thank you." Then I point at Caren. "Also she's my concubine, actually all my girlfriends are my concubines. Also morally acceptable according to some British guy." In this case Waver! He said I could do whatever I wanted after all.

Everyone's eyes widen... Actually just Caren's does, I guess she didn't expect me to actually tell them, but I couldn't keep it as a secret for forever, eventually something would give. Wait a damn second why aren't they reacting at all!?

My dad nods. "Oh okay. I thought for sure you had become a vampire or something... By the way, you need to improve your explanation skills, if I didn't know what a Campione was I would be so confused." I'll work hard then.

My mom has stars in her eyes. "I always knew my baby was meant to shine! Preferably in something that doesn't require much thought! But to think he would become a Campione...! I'm so proud!" She then looks down. "Ah, he peaked at sixteen... It's downhill from here." I'm glad my mom is proud of me!

I give them a thumbs up. "Thanks for being so understanding. By the way, if a magical man pops up while I'm in school, please give him a warm welcome." Unless he brings an ugly girl, then I won't ever forgive him. Unless he then brings two cute girls, he's forgiven then.

My mom tilts her head. "But Yato... We have work? You know...? Because we are actual responsible adults?" Right, I forgot that! I guess Waver better not come during awkward hours then... Well, it's his fault really, he is supposed to organize stuff...

I nod. "Right sorry." Suddenly I remembered something really important. "I'm a billionaire now though, so you guys don't need to work anymore. Also I'm building a mansion for you two." Okay, it's technically not me... It's the workers. Should I have specified it's the workers? Sorry workers.

My dad fist bumps the air. "Hell yeah! Screw work." I have a feeling he has been waiting for this for a long, long time. "I'm calling my boss a bitch today." Yep, definitely been waiting for a long time. Please don't spread around the fact that we are billionaires though, I heard that's how lottery winners die. I really don't wanna get killed and then have my money stolen.

My mom glares at him. "We are still gonna work... Mostly because I'm not letting you be a NEET. I remember your high school years." Dad was a NEET!? But mom once told me that all NEET's are eternal losers...! That means...! "We will totally take the mansion though! And some extra money!" I expected some resistance to be honest...

I tilt my head. "I still don't get it... Why not drop work completely? Who cares if you're a NEET when you have Infinite money?" I wouldn't deny my parents anything, so they don't need to be scared of me suddenly taking the money back.

My mom raises a finger. "You will understand when you're an adult Yato. Adults like their independence, they like having their own money... Except for your dad, I'm pretty sure his dream is to be the carefully raised potato of some farmer. I'm not letting him pursue his dreams though." I see, that's understandable. If dad was a potato, he wouldn't be able to think anymore, which means he wouldn't be able to stop being a potato. That would be bad.

Caren who has stayed silent until now raises an eyebrow. "I feel like this is... There's definitely something wrong about this." Caren nods to herself. "Please stop acting all wrong, you three are activating my fight or flight instincts. That said, I'm glad you two ignored the concubine discussion." Ah, right! They didn't even talk about that!

My dad shrugs. "Eh, he's a Campione. Whatever, it's no big deal... I mean, it is, but not really." Yeah, I don't get why Caren decided to start making a fuss now. This is a pretty normal family conversation all things considered.

The nun's right eyebrow twitches, she then looks at me. "Yato, why are you not surprised your parents seem familiar with the supernatural." She looks down. "I guess they weren't surprised by Illyasviel's true age either..." Mom sort of called it though.

I imitate my dad and shrug. "Mom and dad know a lot of stuff. I guess they knew this too, it's not that surprising... Wisdom comes with age..." My mom glares at me, even someone stupid like me can see the mistake I made. "Not that my mom is old or anything." Her glare disappears immediately.

My father nods. "Indeed, and about the concubine thing..." My father sighs. "It was either going to be someone taking advantage of Yato, or him taking advantage of someone. In cases such as these I will pick my loved ones." Oh, so concubines are okay! Yay!

My mom smiles. "Yes! And the weak exist to feed the strong! So it's only natural my son consumes everything down to the bone!" True. Though I think it's weird how dad started sighing for some reason.

Caren pouts. "I... Well, at least I agree with the strong eating the weak part. The weaker the better really." She continues with a smile. "That way, the weak, but not as weak can live happily." You do not get to act like other people are weird.

Whatever, I have to get ready for school.

"Um... Shibata, not to be rude, but why are you here?" Because I'm bored. Also lonely. So, so lonely... I thought I could easily go back to my days of just sleeping until break ends, sadly I failed. It seems I'm got used to the company of Rin, and now that she's suspended I can't function alone.

So I followed Shiro and Issei! "I am in need of social interaction, please provide it." I just need this for a few minutes, then I can go back to trying and failing to understand what the teachers are saying... Geez, it's gonna be like this for multiple days? Should I use my Campione privileges to end Rin's suspension?

The red haired girl just gives me a weirded out look. "Well... I guess you can talk with us. I have a few things I want to talk about with you anyways." Yes! I can now feed my poor, weak human brain! The tribe has not yet abandoned me my tribal instincts!

Issei pushes his glasses up. "Me too... I need to know more about what happened to Tohsaka." He grins. "Well, I always had a bad feeling about her, but exploding at a kid during school time? I certainly didn't expect that." Would you be fine with it, if you knew Illya is actually eighteen?

Shiro nods. "Funnily enough, my questions also relate to that." She glances at me. "So Shibata? What exactly happened yesterday? When I asked you, all I received was a joke answer." She looks down. "And Tohsaka wasn't making any sense with her screaming." I found it all very coherent! Rin is a master of eloquence.

I tilt my head in confusion. "I didn't give a joke answer at all. Rin and Illya were having a lover's spat over me... I did tell you that both Rin and Shinji's sister are dating me right?" Shiro slowly nods, while Issei just looks terrified. "Well, since then I also started dating Rin's sorta sister and that small girl you saw getting into a fight with Rin." I said small, because Illya is short. Not young. I mean she is young... but you know.

Since Shiro and Issei are now silent for some reason, I continue. "Ah, so you guy's don't get confused, Shinji's sister is named Sakura. Rin's sort of sister is named Caren. And the small girl is named Illyasviel" I smile. "But since we are all friends here, you two can just call her Illya." Ah, I already feel accepted by this tribe! How joyous!

Shiro gets up from her chair and hits the table for some reason. Her expression looks serious. "Yato...! Where do I even start!?" When I say that to dad, he always smugly answers 'from the beginning' even if it makes no sense. It's very annoying.

I send her a smile. "You can start by calling me Yato! Since we three are now gonna be super duper friends!" I then mutter. "Until Rin's suspension ends..." I can't wait for next year, when Sakura finally starts high school too. Ah, I'll be sad when I finish high school and she is still on it though. Age is inconvenient.

Issei stands, imitating Shiro he hits the table. "That's not the problem here Shibata!" Ah! He didn't call me Yato!? Did I mess up somewhere along the way? Ah, maybe I could ask what's wrong? He is clearly implying there is a problem after all.

I tilt my head. "Forgive my confusion my new best friends, but what is the problem in question? I'm bad at social stuff, so please make it very clear." I'm also bad at non-social stuff, but I already admitted enough embarassing stuff for today.

Isse sighs. "This... I refuse to accept that the star of the kendo club is this clueless." Is he talking about me!? Is he calling me a star!? To think such a nice dude was in my class and I never noticed... If he was a girl, I would turn him into my concubine.

Now I too get up, and I hit the table as well. If my friends do it so will I... Mom once said that if my friends jumped off a cliff I should do it too, so I could prove my loyalty. Dad then got mad and said mom shouldn't tell jokes like that because I would take it seriously, but she didn't even tell a joke, so it was weird.

With a big smile I squish his misconceptions. "I am very clueless indeed! Thank you for calling me a star though, not even my many girlfriends have called me that yet." Unless they did and I forgot. Which would be bad of me, but if I forgot is not like I can feel guilty about it.

Issei blinks in disbelief for some reason, Shiro then sighs. "Shibata..." I hold down the urge to tell her to call me Yato again. "Okay, so let's start at the beginning. You're a billionaire correct?" I nod, money is no issue. "And Tohsaka and Matou date you for your money right?" Incorrect!

Rin dates me because I asked Waver. Sakura dates me because her grandfather is really nice. He may look like an evil bug man, but I guess I really shouldn't judge him from his looks... But then again, selling off Sakura is probably not nice. I know I would be mad if someone sold me... It's okay though, since I'm so great.

Issei has a twitching smile. "I knew that Tohsaka girl was a witch...! I had a bad feeling about her since we first met...!" He then starts sweating. "Wait a second, who cares about the witch!?" And then he starts glaring at. "You're by far the worst offender! Touching kids... Evil! You're evil!" I don't pay much attention to what he says though.

That's because my mind is stuck at the part where he brought up witches. Does that mean Issei is familiar with the supernatural? I thought he was a normal guy, but if he isn't, then it makes things way easier to explain.

Shiro fakes a cough, breaking my thought process. "I'm sure there's a great explanation for everything Shibata has done... Now Shibata, please explain to us how you started dating those girls." She has a fake smile. "And how that little girl is not actually your girlfriend and this is all a big misunderstanding..." Well, she is technically my concubine.

But since they clearly know about magic, this will be super easy to explain! "Okay, so it all started when I killed a god." Immediately Shiro's smile disappears for some reason. I'm explaining just like she wanted, so what's the problem now?

The red haired girl sighs. "Shibara... Please don't make stuff up. I'm trying to believe you here, but you're not making this easy." Issei nods on the background. I don't get why they don't believe me though.

I pout. "It's true though, I killed a god and became a Campione." Their face seem more annoyed than surprised, so I feel free to continue talkint. "Then the Clock Tower, those magi from Britain offered me a bunch of stuff." Now Shiro reacts differently, her face becomes blank. "That stuff included Rin as a sex slave... Then Shinji's grandpa sold Sakura to me, also as a sex slave." Issei's jaw hits the floor.

I continue, hoping that they realize I'm not lying. "Then I fought another Campione, we blew up some mountains, but the news blamed on... gas leaks... You know how magecraft is! Gotta keep it a secret." Why is Shiro desperately looking between me and Issei? Eh, whatever. "The Campione had close ties to the Holy Church, not the Catholic one by the way... They're different, I think." Only one hunts vampires!

I smile, remembering how I met my third concubine. "Because of that Campione, they sent me a new sex slave! Her name is Caren Hortensia... and she's into some weird stuff, like impregnating children, and looking at my face." It was kind of embarrassing that she just kept staring at my face while Rin sucked me off.

Oh well, my little tale is about to end soon! "Then I met Illya! She's a magus from Germany!" I thought she was from Fuyuki, but apparently she only happens to own a castle in the forest. I want vacation castles too! Get ready to work hard Waver!

I shouldn't get distracted though, I need to keep enlightening my friends about my backstory. "Her full name is actually Illyasviel Von Einzbern. She looks like a little kid, but she's actually eighteen! So I'm dating a mature sexy woman... Anyways, she became my wife for a while, but then Rin got mad. So I made Illya my concubine instead." Shiro is now stuttering something out. I don't bother stopping though.

I put a hand on my chin, thinking about yesterday. "Anyways, you guys shouldn't worry about Rin. I punished her sexually and now everything is chill... Oh yeah! I'm gonna be summoning a legendary hero soon, so if you two wanna participate, feel free!" I can't wait to meet King Arthur!

Making her a concubine will be tons of fun... I wonder why she calls herself a king though? Does she identify herself as a guy? I guess I would be gay for having sex with he-, him then... Then mom will be sort of right... Actually she won't, I would be bisexual, not gay.

I put my hands on my hips and proudly puff my chest. Both because my explanation was perfect, and because my realization was perfect. "So did you guys get it? By the way, would the act of having sex with King Arthur make me bisexual?" I might as well ask for their opinions as well.

Issei sighs. "What a bunch of bullshit... Though I guess you have a talent for storytelling." On one hand, he called me a liar, that makes me sad. On the other hand, he called me talented, that makes me happy. Now I don't know how to feel...

Shiro is apparently felling terror though, because she suddenly grabs my hand and starts to leave. Issei questions her for obvious reasons. "Where are you going Shiro!?" I'm also quite confused, since she's holding my hand... Does that mean she likes me!?

Shiro sends him an awkward smile. "I... Just need some time alone with Shibata! Be right back!" And then she starts to drag me off to the rooftops... Where it will be just the two of us...

She's totally into me! Nice!

AN: Writing girl Shiro is easier than writing girl Subaru, because I can just keep imagining Gudako in my head.