"This place... is just depressing!" I feel bad, she's making me feel bad. "I mean, who made this? I believe they were scamming you Yato!" And now that she specified the fact that it isn't my fault, I don't feel bad anymore.
I was giving Cleopatra a tour of this place, and apparently it has not received her approval. In my mansion's defense however, how can it ever match the standards of a Pharaoh? Specially when she was stupidly rich when alive.
I begin to mutter. "Well, Waver had it built for me... But he definitely wasn't scamming me for it, I mean, I didn't even pay for it." It's probably because he was aiming to please me, and I'm not a luxurious person like her.
Cleopatra smiles. "Oh, maybe we should punish this Waver then! Let's strip out his skin and make him survive in a pit of snakes for a month!" Only an ancient person could have come up with that.
"L-let's not do that..." Don't worry Waver, I'll protect you!
I can hear Shiro whispering. "Is that really Cleopatra...?" She, much like the rest of my harem of concubines, has been immensely surprised by the Pharaoh's personality.
Illya whispers back. "Yes, now stop whispering around the Heroic Spirit who can kill you in a blink of an eye." Since I'm here, I would protect you guys. That said, you are correct, please don't pick fights with Cleopatra when I'm not around.
Cleopatra crosses her arms. "But... Ah, you are the monarch here, so I shall respect your decision to forgive this Waver." She then raises a finger. "However...! I shall write a strongly worded letter admonishing him." Okay! That's fine!
"Anyways Yato, is this mansion the only place you have?" She extends a hand. "Because in that case my letter may end up being filled with poison! And of the literal kind! The metaphorical kind will be there no matter what." It's time to save Waver again!
A smile reaches my face, maybe she will be impressed now. "I have two mansions! Oh, and Waver is building two castles for me, one here and one in London." She still doesn't seem that impressed! "B-but really, when you think about it, I have way more stuff! I mean, Illya is my concubine, and she has a castle, so it's also my castle!" Yeah, that makes sense.
Illya looks down. "I miss my maids..."
Rin glares at her. "Then bring them here, I'm tired of cleaning up this place by myself." I'm sorry! And this will be getting even worse when now that Rin will be returning to school, since she won't have as much freetime as usual.
Well some people here have infinite freetime, like Caren for example, but if I told her to clean up, she would just say it's dangerous for the baby or something. By the way, there is obviously no baby!
Cleopatra puts a hand to the chin. "And their discussion does bring up a good point... Where is your maid staff, Yato? I require at least two personal servants by the way!" Aren't you already one!?
I sigh. "I just haven't gotten around hiring them, I guess. Also, you didn't tell me how you feel about all my mansions and stuff." Is it too much to ask for a 'they're awesome, yato'?
Cleopatra shrugs. "Eh, I imagine much like this mansion, I will need to fix them all." How do you plan on doing that exactly? "Anyways, tomorrow we need to go hire some servants." That's...
Not as easy as she makes it sound. "We can't just hire whoever though. I mean, the supernatural is supposed to be a secret, so I can't just... have some random maids working here."
Illya interjects. "Well, I could bring my maids! That's at least two, and they're super loyal since they're homunculus. Oh, and they're also attractive." That's nice, but how much do they want as a salary?
I guess it doesn't matter. "I don't know if I should expand my harem so quickly though... I'm a guy who aims for quality, not quantity." The moment I start forgetting the names of my harem members, is the moment my harem dreams have failed.
Cleopatra waves me off. "Just because they're your maid, and you plan to toy with their bodies, it doesn't mean their part of your harem." What kind of logic is that!?
I raise an eyebrow. "If they're a woman I'm having sex with, and constantly interacting with, then they are part of my harem." And that comes with many rules, such as them not pursuing other guys.
Cleopatra nods. "Fine. But you could just make them part of a second less important harem." That's... not a bad idea. "Besides, every monarch is expected to have sex with their maids, Yato." Does that include you!?
Since I don't raise any objections, Cleopatra looks at her Master. "Illyasviel tomorrow you shall call for your maids. Until I can arrange a bigger maid staff they shall be responsible for taking care of this mansion." I suppose if they can handle a castle, they can handle a mansion.
I tilt my head. "How do you plan to hire them though...?" Can we make more homunculus? Maybe that would solve this problem, though it would also probably take quite a bit of time to be done.
She chuckles. "I do not know!" Oi! "Could we not contact this Waver fellow?" Well, it is true that he could probably find some way to help us out. I mean, surely there are a bunch of other mages who needs maids, so maybe he has experience with this.
I scratch my cheek. "Yeah, we could. He's pretty much the guy who's job is keeping me happy, so he will find a way." And speaking of things that make me happy. "Hey Illya, can we summon a second servant right now?" Maybe King Arthur will like my mansions.
Illya slowly nods. "If you really want to. It would strain the grail however, so I recommend waiting a little bit." Well, I don't want to risk breaking some super important artefact.
Cleopatra makes a thinking pose. "This war really will be a sham, huh?" Yeah, that's the plan. "May I ask who you plan to summon, Yato? And could I make a few suggestions...?" I have a feeling I know what she wants.
And the answer is no, of course. "I'm only aiming to summon women, so if you want Julius Caesar or whatever, then no." The truth is that I don't really care for their gender, but I'm obviously not gonna summon my concubine's past lover.
She pouts. "Well, I suppose that's fine." Since she's not an idiot, she definitely knows why I'm rejecting the idea. Thankfully she's not also arguing to try and change my mind.
So I'll answer her other question. "Good. So, we are aiming to summon King Arthur, who's actually a girl." Even though she looks confused, I will not elaborate on how I know that. "And a Caster. Waver will find us a catalyst for that." I'll tell him about it together with the stuff about the maids.
She tilts her head. "Which Caster?"
"Good question! I don't know..." There are way too many options. Saber was easy, since I always had King Arthur in mind, and Assassin was just the luck of the draw, but making me actually choose with a servant is way too cruel.
Illya smiles. "Well, feel free to take your time and pick! That said, did you decide to summon Saber right now...? If so, then I recommend Sakura as her Master." Right, I also have to decide whether I want Sakura or Rin holding the reins.
Rin raises an eyebrow. "Why her specifically? I hope you're not implying that I can't control a servant for Yato!" She sends me a pitiful look. "Don't worry, for you I'll have this King Arthur kissing your feet before long!" Why the feet!?
Sakura interjects. "W-well... I also agree that Tohsaka-Senpai can be a great choice, but if you do pick me Senpai... then... I promise I'll have King Arthur being your loyal cocksleeve!" Ah, I already have such loyal cocksleeves!
Cleopatra gasps. "W-were conversations also going like this before my summoning?" There's an adorable blush on her face. She shouldn't worry though, I won't make her kiss my feet!
I pat her shoulder. "Pretty much. I mean, what are Command Seals for, am I right?" Wow, her blush is getting even redder. "That said, I don't really care who gets Saber, so we might as well do like Illya said." I will be using both Rin and Sakura anyways.
"And I don't mind waiting a day or two to summon Saber." I now have a Heroic Spirit so my curiosity has been somewhat sated.
Illya smiles. "And so everything is settled! Let's go to sleep, it's late after all~." She sends a perverted look to Shiro, expecting our usual training. However, maybe I should spend the night with Rin instead, since I didn't bang her.
Cleopatra clears her throat. "Everything is very much not settled!" Ah, am I about to be bullied for not having enough cool stuff again? "We still haven't discussed the issue of Yato's dreadful clothes!" Yep.
Luvia immediately nods. "I'm glad we are finally addressing that!" Really!? Well, I should have expected this from you, considering you are always wearing super expensive clothing.
Caren joins her hands together. "I do not see any problem with Yato's wardrobe, but if I may suggest a change..." She smirks. "My lord should walk around naked, to show how amazing he is." Please no.
Thankfully Cleopatra waves her. "No, no! A king should show his kingly qualities! And what is the most important for a king, Yato!?" She ends by pointing at me.
The answer she is expecting is obvious. "Showing off how rich they are...?" Thankfully I have more than enough money to buy whatever clothing I may need. I'm kind of curious of why she can't just make me some clothing though.
I mean, she got summoned dressed super nicely already after all.
Cleopatra nods. "Yes! It's good that you're learning quickly! So tomorrow we have a few things we must deal with. Worry not, for I shall help you along." She raises a finger. "We must talk with this Waver fellow to ask for a catalyst and for maids, and most importantly..." She has something extra she wants?
She continues. "We will ask him for a castle, or a mansion, to be built in Tokyo. That is the capital of your country is it not? What kind of king does not have a residence at his own capital?" That sort of makes sense...?
And well, I think castles and mansions are pretty cool, so I won't say no. "Okay, that sounds great to me. And hey, this time maybe you can give him some detailed instructions." It seems she's pretty invested in this, so I don't mind letting her meddle.
Yeah, she's definitely happier now. "Yes! That's just perfect, you really do learn fast!" She puffs her chest. "Relying and trusting me is the best and most wisest thing you can do!" True, but mostly because that let's me avoid thinking.
She then puts her hands on her hips. "And, besides our call to this useless Waver, we shall explore this city and acquire adequate clothing and jewelry for you. As soon as possible, since I won't be having my king dishonor himself." Ah, having the Cleopatra calling me her king feels pretty good...
There's a problem with what she said though. "I can't go as soon as possible. I have school tomorrow." And Rin is gonna be back too, so it will be pretty awesome. I won't even have to bother Ayako.
Hmm... Speaking of Ayako, wasn't I supposed to-.
Cleopatra sighs. "Ugh, I can't argue against education... But c'mon! It's just one day!" One day can become two days, and then it can become a habit... "I mean, if I'm saying it's okay, right? Since I'm a genius. Yes, this genius says it's okay to skip a single day! Per week!" Why per week!?
I look away. "I... I don't know. I'm pretty dumb, so I can't just start skipping school." I'm already on a constant struggle to not get left behind, so I definitely shouldn't make things even worse for me.
Rin blushes. "Don't worry Yato, worst case scenario I can always take my time tutoring you... So go and have fun!" That's a tempting offer, specially since being tutored by her also sounds fun.
Cleopatra smirks. "And I shall help with this tutoring as well! I have already decided to be your guide to a certain extent after all." That's Shiro's job though, even if she's bad at it.
"Anyhow, let's all go to sleep. I'm curious if perhaps the final bedroom does live to my expectations." She seems excited as usual, but there's a problem with what she said.
I raise an eyebrow. "There isn't a final bedroom. I pretty much gave you a complete tour already... So feel free to pick your own room!" Why do I have a feeling she's about to go back to kill Waver mode?
She gasps. "But all the beds are so small! How do you sleep with all your concubines!? How do you plan to sleep with me!?" The beds aren't small at all, I had a foursome on one!
I flinch. "Well, I just sleep with however I want, when I want...?" Normally Illya and Shiro. "I thought it would be nice if everyone had their own privacy and stuff..." Which I can infringe at any time of course, but they still have it.
She sighs, a disappointed look on her face. "Ah, you truly are such a young king..." And then that disappointment immediately disappears. "Giving everyone their own rooms isn't a bad idea, but they should all at least sleep with you...!"
A look of determination appears on her face. "Give me a moment Yato, I shall bring the necessary items!" She then looks at Rin. "And you, girl who clearly loves Yato the most, make sure every concubine here is only wearing lingerie by the time I return!" And then she disappears in shining particles.
Rin blushes. "S-she could tell huh... Well, it's true that I love Yato the most of them all! Even when he leaves me hanging..." Sorry, but I was just really excited!
Sakura pouts. "Well... she's wrong." She's muttering very, very quietly, but I can still hear it, which does make me insanely happy. My concubines are fighting over me!
Nevermind that though, because... "Hey, is Cleo even okay? Why did she suddenly disappear out of nowhere?" The only reason I'm not freaking out, is because nobody else is freaking out. At most Shiro looks surprised.
Illya explains. "Don't worry, it's just Heroic Spirit stuff. She's a ghost after all." That makes sense. "So Yato, should we obey what she said? The final decision is always yours after all."
Hmmm... On one hand I do feel I'm giving her maybe a bit too much power, on the other hand this isn't exactly something outrageous. Besides, surely it's okay to trust in the words of one of the most famous figures in history?
Eh, whatever. "Sure. But what do you guys think about Cleo anyways?" I might as well ask for the imput of everybody else. If everyone tells me she's manipulating me to do something nefarious or whatever, I might stop listening to her.
Illya begins undressing immediately. "She's weak. Since I am her Master, and I know her true name, I was able to check her status. She has nothing impressive about her, and she won't be able to win any grail wars."
Caren rolls her eyes. "Yato cares not for that, his destructive capacity is already far higher than any Servant after all. He wants to know what we think of her." I nod, Caren pretty much hit the bullseye.
Illya hums. "I see... Well, so far I don't have anything in particular against her. If she wants to get into the nitty and gritty of your privileges, that's fine." I suppose I should expect that from a rich lady.
And speaking of rich ladies, Luvia nods. "I very much agree. As a Campione Yato should show his excellency to everyone. Be it with clothing, or whatever else, my king should always shine the brightest."
She continues. "She is acting a bit too high and mighty though. I'm surprised you're just letting that slide Yato." That's a good point, but I know why. It's because she never puts me down.
She's acting prideful, but she's not lowering my status to do so. And when she does admonishes me it either always Waver's fault, or something that she can explain how to fix. So in the end I'm pretty okay with her attitude.
Rin crosses her arms. "Yes, I don't really like how she's talking to you!" She then looks down, a blush on her face. "She has good eyes though..." So Cleopatra gained your approval with her previous comments huh? As expected of a queen.
Sakura tilts her head. "I don't particularly care how she acts, but if she's making you sad Senpai..." Her eyes grow cold. "You should punish her. She has no idea how lucky she is, being summoned by you." Punishing her might not be a bad idea.
Caren blushes. "Yes, let's break this queen! Illyasviel should use her Command Seals and... Actually, there is no need for Command Seals, to drive home how weak she truly is, Yato should hold her down with his own strength." Why do I have a bad feeling about this?
Caren is panting. "Let's tear those clothes that she never stops talking about, and then you can throughly rape her my lord. Illyasviel could use her Command Seals to incarnate her, I'm sure having your child would break her spirit."
My eye twitches. "Caren... aren't you gonna take a step back on what you said?" Normally she ends her dialogue on a flimsy excuse about how this is all a ploy to stop me from ending the world or whatever.
She looks away. "Sorry, I could not control myself. Breaking the Cleopatra until she does nothing but serve you with her sinful body sounds way too fun." So you couldn't control your true nature in such tempting circumstances... Cute.
Still, I should probably never give her Command Seals. I have a doubt she would bully her Servant a bit too much even for me.
Shiro who at this point is used to Caren's shenanigans, doesn't even comment on it. "I... I don't even know what to say about her to be honest. I mean, we are gonna be living with Cleopatra of all people... Well, she seems nice so far." And that's the opinions of pretty much everybody.
It seems she won't disturb my harem of concubines too much, but I guess it's not like she's a hated figure or anything. She's prideful and all, but for a queen she hasn't raised too much fuzz about being my concubine yet.
I should keep an open eye though, this is a woman who could be ruthless when she wanted to. I'm pretty tough since I'm a Campione, but I should still watch out for poisons... Though even then, she would need a pretty crazy one.
Suddenly door opens. It's Cleopatra who... is dragging two mattresses with her. She's struggles to get them through the door, but eventually she manages, putting each one to the side of the bed.
The room is massive enough that she's able to do that, but it's pretty cramped now. Still, Cleopatra then points at Shiro. "You, girl who gives off the feeling of a house wife!" Rin is right, she really does have a good eye!
The Heroine of Justice basically jumps in her place. "Y-yes!?" I feel like she has been hit with something unexpected just now.
Cleopatra smirks. "Prepare the mattresses!" She then laughs. "Yato may not own a bed huge enough for his entire harem, but this will do for the moment." So that was her plan huh? I guess this is fun.
Like a giant pajama party. Every night.
Cleopatra continues. "And I see you all did as ordered... Good! A harem should always sleep either naked, or with lingerie only when around their love! I prefer lingerie however, since it exposes wealth." Of course you do.
Illya puts a hand on her hip, a questioning look on her face. "Is this really necessary? The previous arrangement worked just fine..." Now that we had our little talk about her, it seems Illya is feeling comfortable enough to confront her.
But Cleopatra doesn't mind explaining her actions. "Of course it's necessary! There are kings who sleep with hundreds of women at once, so it shouldn't be any trouble for Yato to sleep with seven!"
She crosses her arms. "By the way, Yato needs to always have one woman on each side, and one with her face on his crotch." She then blushes. "She should be... servicing through the night. For now though, we shall ignore that, since I'm new here!" Um...
I cross my arms in response to her. "Cleo, you will be the one with the face on my crotch then." She acted embarrassed just now, after being so excited about everything. It's only natural I would get excited.
Cleo plays with her hair. "I suppose asking for a place at your side would be a bit too much for a newcomer." She sputters. "V-very well, for now I shall accept the prestigious position of crotch warmer! Even though I don't plan on warming any crotches tonight!" Heh, a plan never survives contact with the enemy.
Now that the Assassin has established a bed hierarchy however, she has created panic. "The top spot goes to the wife!" Illya rushes to the bed...!
She's short though, so of course she loses.
By the end, I'm sleeping with Rin and Sakura occupying both my sides, with Cleo as the so-called crotch warmer. Shiro, Luvia, Caren and Illya had to choose the inferior positions of not being close to me at all.
I yawn. "Man, today was nuts." I bullied... who did I bully again? And then I went on a date with Luvia, and then I had a foursome, and then I summoned a legendary hero... I feel super tired.
Sakura who is hugging me smile. "I hope my body pleased you Senpai... I love you." I used to think she was super stoic, but maybe she's actually a crybaby. She has tears in the corner of her eyes after all.
Rin however, scoffs. "Well, I'm totally fine with using my body to please you, but you're the one who passed up on that... But I still really love you..." And now she's hugging me too.
Cleopatra pouts. "Ah...! This is awful!" Eh? "I got here too late, so now everyone has had the opportunity to get all lovey dovey except for me! I'm so jealous!" You will have your turn, so please control your voice!
Illya grits her teeth. "I was almost asleep...! Hey Assassin, do you perhaps wish to actually do your job as a bed warmer!?" Illya's nature as a sadist should not be allowed to mix with the anger one feels when their sleep is interrupted.
Also, she's not a bed warmer, she's a crotch warmer.
"I'm not a bed warmer, I am a crotch warmer!" We really are compatible. "And c'mon Master, surely you cannot blame me for being envious of such a thing!" I think Illya genuinely doesn't care.
And in her defense, if I had my body used as a sex toy, and then I had to use a bunch of energy to summon a Servant, I would be pretty pissed when that Servant interrupts my well deserved rest with love talk.
And it's only gonna get worse, since Cleopatra is stil yapping away. "Oh...! Back in my days as a living human I was just like Sakura and Rin! The devotion that fills your heart when one is in love is truly the best!" Right now Illya probably thinks sleep is the best.
Which is why I'm not surprised when Illya's hand begins to shine bright red. "Fine! If you need one of these to shut up, then I'm willing to pay the price and put your mouth to good use! Assassin I order you to suck-!" Sadly we never get to hear her command.
Cleopatra shrieks, her face bright red. "M-Master there is no need to use a Command Seal for such a thing! I can hold back my beautiful voice just fine!" It doesn't sound convincing when you scream that information.
But... "Cleo is right Illya, don't waste a Command Seal so easily. Even a idiot like me can tell they're way too useful." And if we are gonna use for something frivolous, then we should order her to increase her sensitivity a thousand times or something.
Before Illya can complain, I continue. "You're right that Cleo should put her mouth to good use though." I look at the last Pharaoh. "You know what you're supposed to do, so I better have the best sleep ever." I was thinking about punishing her before, so this is sort of that.
Besides going to sleep while receiving a blowjob, and then waking up and receiving a titfuck from Luvia and Shiro sounds great. I'll miss my training sessions though, which are obviously suspended for now.
Cleopatra shakes her head. "B-but... we agreed to not do that the first night! Taking back one's word is unfit for a king Yato! Specially when that word was given for his queen!" Normally I would agree with you.
But this isn't a normal situation, so I scowl. "First of all, I didn't agree with anything, I just didn't raise any objections at the time. Second of all, you are not my queen, we are not married. You're my concubine." And that's that.
Cleopatra's lips are trembling. "Y-you would take away my title as ruler of Egypt...?" Ah, maybe I went too far. I think I just brought up something that genuinely hurt her, and considering her life, I should have seen that coming.
Illya doesn't care however, as previously established. "He's not taking anything away from you! You already lost that a long time ago!" I can't get angry at my ex-wife either, since she just wants to sleep.
"And besides, Yato never denied you being a queen! He said you were not his queen! By the way, I'm the only one here who was actually married to him for a while!" Ah, so you got hit in a sore spot too.
Rin joins the fight. Since it concerns me, for once she's on Illya's side. "Shut up Einzbern!" To a certain extent of course. "You're right though, the only thing you're a queen of is of whores. So get to work Cleopatra!" The Egyptian looks like she's about to die of embarrassment.
Sakura nods. "Yes, and if you do not comply, Einzbern should make you do something super embarrassing with her Command Seal..." She then pauses for a moment. "I mean, that's how I would... will handle King Arthur..." Such wisdom.
Cleopatra looks at Illya, and she obviously receives no support. In fact her hand is shining. "You either please him with your mouth, or you please him with your asshole. Your choice." What a ultimatum!
Caren mutters something about her idea being better. I choose to ignore her.
Cleopatra starts pulling my pants down. "F-fine, I suppose I don't mind!" For all her talk, she's not hesitating at all. I had a hunch she wouldn't, she's compatible with me after all, supposedly we would always get along.
And so I close my eyes, and enjoy the sensation of having the last Pharaoh of Egypt licking my dick while I sleep.
Or at least I try to, it turns out it's surprisingly hard to sleep when someone is giving you a blowjob. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all!
AN: Now the harem is finally sleeping together...! And Cleopatra is finally putting her mouth to good use!
And in the next chapter of Yato Ball Z...! A certain golden man might appear! And maybe even a new Servant!
Yato won't become a super Yato though, even with all this gold being thrown around.
Anyways, if you like my content, make sure to check out my ! For just two dollars, you could get two chapters of this fic in advance!