I do not own Star Trek.
March 31st (Spock's POV, right after Julia ran off)
"Julia!" I called out, stepping out of the car. Somehow, my inquiry had turned into a heated argument. I desperately wished I understood human emotions better...perhaps then I would have been able to ask Julia what was wrong in a way so she wouldn't have gotten so upset.
Julia's back was to me as she ran - and I was about to run after her when the person behind me honked loudly.
"Get out of the road!" An angry voice shouted. I stopped, and glanced back at the car. Every fiber in my being was telling me to run after Julia, to take her in my arms and tell her I was sorry for pushing her, and talk to her, find out what was bothering her - it was one of the few times my vulcan and human halves agreed on the same thing.
However...if Julia was running away, then it likely meant she wanted to be alone. And perhaps this was something I should give her. Clenching my fists, I turned back to the rental car and got in. I forced myself to ignore the person behind me, who was rudely giving me the finger and tailgating me.
Thankfully there was a parking spot nearby that I was able to take. Once I had parked, the rude person drove on by, making a show of speeding by. When he was gone, I closed my eyes, and rested my head against the back of the seat headrest.
To any passing by, it may have looked like I was sleeping. But that was not the case. I was trying to get my emotions under control. I was angry, confused, sad, fearful, and irritated all at the same time.
I took a deep breath, concentrating on the air going into my lungs. Then I held it, and when I breathed out, I let go of as many emotions as I could. It helped a little. And, just to be safe, I took several more breaths before I decided I had better return the rental car's keys, and take my bags and go to the shuttle craft.
My movements felt empty as I took out my items, locked the car, and returned the key to the dealership. I was just heading out to the shuttle when my P.A.D.D. beeped. Seeing as some of the shuttle crafts were already lifting off, I took out the P.A.D.D. and was reading it while I speed walked towards the shuttles.
The message was from...my parents. My fingers lingered over the button that would open the message. I had a...complicated relationship with my parents. My father, Sarak, would rather I have attended the Vulcan Science Academy, and behave more like a vulcan than a human. My mother said she would love me no matter what I did...but I knew choosing to honor my vulcan heritage and ignore my human one would have hurt her.
I decided I would look at the message later, after I was safely in my quarters. The message may be about Julia...and right now, I was not prepared to process the emotions that came with thinking of her.
Several hours later...Julia's POV
"...so I figured, if I already spent seven years in medical school - why not put that experience to use? Besides, I spent thousands of dollars on my education, and I'll be damned if I'll throw it all away and become a-a -" McCoy paused in his ranting, trying to come up with the right word. I smiled despite myself. Something about him made me smile...I think it was because he complained so much about his own life - but when other people complained about theirs, he pointed out the bright side.
"An transporter technician?" I suggested. McCoy shook his head, a hand on his chin.
"No, no, not that…."
"A helmsman?" Jim suggested.
"No - one of those people who work on the ship," McCoy said, and I tried, unsuccessfully, to cover up a laugh. "What's so funny?"
"Pretty much everyone in Star Fleet works on a ship at one point or another." I said, and Jim nodded, coughing to cover his laughter. Even Nyota was laughing, and she wasn't technically part of the conversation.
"I know that, dammit." McCoy grumbled, turning a little red. "I was just trying to describe those people who work on a star ship - and they don't really work in any particular station...they're interning."
"Oh, you mean ensigns." I said, still trying not to laugh. I was never going to let him live this slip up down.
"Ensigns - yes, that's the word." McCoy stated, folding his arms and glaring at Jim, who wasn't trying to hide the rest of his laughter. I was struggling to keep a lid on mine. It was hard, but a year of learning some emotion calming techniques from Spock and -
The rest of my laughter died as my mind went to Spock. I shouldn't have snapped at him like that in the car...he was worried about me, and I had insulted him, and then I ran off. Worse, I'd left him without answering the most haunting, scary question he could ever ask me: "Are you having second thoughts about our marriage?"
For him to have to ask that...it meant I'd really, really hurt him. Hell, I'd even put doubts in the two of us. Why did I have to go and mess things up like that?
I let out a huff of air and leaned back in my seat, no longer as interested in the conversation Jim and McCoy were having. Soon, however, they noticed I wasn't talking anymore.
"What's got you down?" McCoy asked, blunt as always. I knew he knew who I was...he just didn't want to ask because of patient/doctor confidentiality. But I wasn't about to talk about that out in the open - there were hundreds of cadets listening to every word we said. And...Spock and I hadn't formally announced our engagement. My friends, Christine, Captain Pike (he was more like a dad than a friend), and of course Scotty (but he had been shipped off to Delta Vega so he didn't count) - and there was no reason to let the whole Academy know yet...
"It's nothing," I lied, and instantly I felt a stab of guilt. I shouldn't be lying about this.
"Oh, sure, it's nothing," McCoy sarcastically replied, and I knew I was going to have to tell them sooner or later. "That's why you look glummer than a kicked puppy."
As soon as he said that, the shuttle craft lurched, and McCoy clutched onto the nearest things nearby to stabilize himself. One of which happened to be my shoulder.
His hand grabbed it, squeezing hard, and did not let go when I tried to shrug it off. It shouldn't' have been a big deal. He was going to let go when we landed - but it freaked me out. I know I should be over what happened, I should have moved on from what happened prom night - but I hadn't. And right now - that hand on my shoulder, not letting go - scared me.
"Let go of me!" I exclaimed, struggling to pull my shoulder out of his grip. Across from me, Nyota tried to calm me. But my mind had started to go into fight or flight mode. I wasn't being let go of - I was trapped.
In slow motion, my body started moving by itself. I felt like I was watching someone else as my body unbuckled from my seat, and got up. I ripped my shoulder out of the hand gripping me - and tried to run. But my leg was hurt, so I limping fast had to suffice.
Voices all around me told me to sit down, and another pair of hands grabbed onto me from behind. I let out a scream, trying to break out of the grip he had on me. I knew this wasn't the most reasonable thing to do - but I was freaking out.
I could feel the car door slammed against my back, I could smell the alcohol on Devon's breath -
"Julia!" Jim's voice shouted in my ear. I blinked, and suddenly I was in control of my body again. I wasn't watching myself move, I was moving. My arms were flailing, and my legs kicking like a crazy person. "Julia - it's me - it's Jim!"
"Jim." I croaked, my voice hoarse. I wondered how long I'd been screaming. "I'm okay now, Jim. I'm calm."
Jim didn't move. His arms, which were wrapped underneath my arms, so he could hold me up and at the same time keep my hands from hitting him. I could feel the eyes of a thousand people watching me, and I was highly embarrassed.
"Are you sure," Jim whispered, as his hands slowly let me go. "Because I'd really rather not do that again."
"I'm sure." I said, turning back around and walking back to my seat. McCoy moved when we came over, so Jim could sit next to me. "Thanks."
He just nodded, looking at his hands as Jim and I sat down. I couldn't blame him. With a sigh, I buckled up, and leaned my head on Jim's shoulder.
"What is wrong with me?" I asked, keeping my voice at a whisper. I heard Jim's seat belt buckle, and felt his arm tentatively wrap around me in a hug.
"There's nothing wrong with you."
"I just had a panic attack because a guy put a hand on my shoulder," I said, my voice laced with anger - at myself. "It's been five years since what happened with Devon. I should have gotten over it by now!"
"Sis, what happened to you isn't something a person can just...get over." Jim said, and I could tell he was trying to be tactful, not wanting to make me more upset than I already was. "It takes time."
"How much time?" I asked, sitting up. Jim took his arm back, and I folded my arms. "How many years before I feel comfortable with someone putting a hand on my shoulder suddenly - before I feel comfortable -"
Here I choked up. What I was about to say was "Before I feel comfortable being intimate with Spock." Because, if I'm being honest, that's the one thing that scares me about us getting married. I'm not worried we're too different, or that we're not meant to be - I'm worried about what comes after marriage, and comes before a baby carriage…
"Feel comfortable doing what?" Jim asked, and I shook my head. The emotions I had tried to press down had come back with a vengeance, and now I felt like crying. In fact, I could feel tears stinging my eyes.
"Nevermind. Forget I said anything." I said, shaking my head. I wasn't about to talk about this with my brother, of all people.
"Julia - you have to talk to someone about this." Jim said, and I shook my head. He frowned. "Have you talked to Sp - to your fiance about this?"
"Not exactly..." I said, trying to avoid his eyes. I'd shown Spock what had happened, he saw my memory, but that wasn't the same as talking about it. Jim raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. With a sigh, I decided I'd better tell at least this much. "I showed him what happened."
"You showed him?" Jim asked. "What, he can read your mind?"
"Touch telepath," I whispered, low enough for only him to hear.
"Julia…" Jim said, he sounded exasperated now. "Showing him what happened isn't the same as talking about it. It's like...looking at what happened on Tarsus IV. People saw what happened on TV, and they thought they knew the story. But talk to one of the people who were there, like you or me - and suddenly there's a whole new perspective to things."
I stayed silent. I knew he was right. I needed to talk with Spock about this...and sooner rather than later. I didn't want things to stay this way between us. Especially because our wedding was coming up soon - and there were a lot of things we had to plan.
"Fine." I muttered, unfolding my arms and letting them rest on my lap. "I'll talk to him."
Hello again! First off, I want to thank HannahV123 and Guest for their input on when Julia and Spock should have a child (or maybe twins, I haven't decided on which yet). So far, what I'm seeing is that a baby should come in a bit later, after their married. Right now I'm torn between Julia finding out she's pregnant when Nero's ship appears, or having a baby a year or so before Nero's ship appears. Ugh - it's so hard to decide between the two of them...
Anyways, I'm still open to hearing ideas for when Julia and Spock could have their baby. Feel free to let me know what you think! In the mean time, stay safe!