Author's Note: This was actually the second chapter I wrote (because I'm seriously ADHD and I write chapters very much out of order). The original idea sounded fab in my head, it wasn't remotely realistic. I told MandyinKC as much, and she said she was curious just the same.

So I reworked it in my head a bit and this was the result. I thought Mandy would like a touch more library action.

~EA

Saying Goodbye

June 1996

The Leaving Ceremony always took place at the end of the Leaving Feast, in which the graduating seventh year students were called forward by Professor Dumbledore and the other teachers. Unlike the Sorting Ceremony, in which the students stood in a line before the head table until they were sorted into their new house, the Leaving Ceremony called them forth one by one in alphabetical order to approach the front and stand in line before the school just as they had when they first arrived as eleven-year-olds. It was symbolic of completing the circle.

For Alicia (and, indeed, likely for the rest of the seventh years), it was bittersweet. Hogwarts had been her second home, the place she made true friends, where she honed her magic and prepared herself for the stringent path ahead: specifically, studying to be a Healer, but now she had the war to worry about, too. She sat at the very front of the Gryffindor table with her fellow seventh years, all of them friends. She hoped they would remain so even after they left Hogwarts. The only thing wrong was that Fred and George weren't with them. They had always been a small group — just her, Angelina, Lee, the twins, and Kenneth. It felt odd and a little sad to be sitting without Fred and George, no matter how successful they were or how glad she had been when they had defied Umbridge by leaving Hogwarts.

However, if she had been sad about Fred and George's absence, it was nothing to how she felt when Professor Dumbledore reached the D's and gravely announced that, though Cedric Diggory was no longer with them, he deserved a place in the line, because he had been a brave, courageous, loyal young man who should have been standing with his classmates were it not for Voldemort. In his honor, Professor McGonagall left an empty space between Roger Davies and Yvonne Ennis. The mood in the hall became more subdued from that point on.

Angelina was the first Gryffindor called forward; she strode towards Professor McGongall with her back straight and her head held high, wearing five inch stilettos just because she could. Angie had bought them specifically for tonight — blood red pencil heels that made her taller than nearly everyone in the line and earned several catcalls from Lee (and a few others throughout the hall). Of course, Lee considered himself insanely lucky that his name was next in line, because it meant he got to stand by Angelina for the remainder of the ceremony; something Alicia knew would clearly try Angelina's patience.

Once Lee had gone to the front, it left Alicia alone at the Gryffindor table with Kenneth, her fellow prefect and this year's Head Boy. He had been much more mellow this past year than the two previous years, but Alicia had been rather relieved she wasn't named Head Girl alongside him. She had too much work to do as it was, without the added duties of that position. If Fred and George had been with them, they would have quietly taken the mickey on Kenneth while they all waited for the S's and T's, but as it was, Alicia and Kenneth sat in silence.

Her next unexpected jolt came when Professor Dumbledore called, "Pucey, Adrian" — Alicia felt her stomach flip slightly and her body tense.

Tall and lean, as straight-backed as Angelina, he strode from the Slytherin table with the same masked, polite expression he always wore and went to stand next to Karen Pickford of Hufflepuff. Alicia watched him for a couple of minutes, her mind drifting from the ceremony.

Unlike his dormmates Cassius Warrington, Graham Montague, Ian Dankworth, and Miles Bletchley, Adrian Pucey had not been a member of Umbridge's Inquisitorial Squad during the short few weeks the hateful woman had taken over as headmaster. Alicia had noticed during a Potions lesson only a few days after Dumbledore left, as Pucey had held up a measure of infusion of wormwood and eyed it carefully, before adding it to his neatly arranged ingredient pile for that day's potion. That day, his prefect badge caught the dim candlelight in the dungeon, but there was no little silver I badge beneath it. For some reason, an odd sensation of relief had washed through her. He hadn't played along with Umbridge's power games. Not, of course, that she ever expected him to, but it had still been a relief to know he hadn't been a part of that.

Professor Dumbledore suddenly called her own name and Alicia jolted from her thoughts and walked to the front. Only Jane Ramsey, Ellen Redgrave, Will Richardson, Gilbert Royle, and Ashley Saunders stood between her and Pucey, but it felt like an immeasurable gulf. For two years — ever since finding out he fancied her — her brain had tried to spin ways they could be together, with no more success than he'd had. It was impossible, and it was maddening.

As soon as all of the seventh years had been called forward (Professor Dumbledore even made mention of the Weasley twins at the very end, though in a far more amused tone than he had mentioned Cedric), he announced that the ceremony was over. As the group returned to their respective house tables, younger students came forward to hug them, to laugh and cry, to ask for photographs. It was also a custom for some seventh years to trade their silk uniform ties, though that was specifically reserved for boyfriends and girlfriends or crushes.

Angelina and Alicia both posed with Katie, then Hermione, and finally Harry and Ron, before several Hufflepuff sixth-year boys came over and begged Angelina for a photograph. That would probably take a while — Angelina was popular and striking, and the sixth-year Hufflepuffs wouldn't be the only ones wanting to pose with her for a keepsake.

"I'll catch you in the common room," Alicia called over the heads of several fourth years (all of whom wanted photographs with Lee, popular because he had been the Quidditch announcer for so long).

Angelina nodded to her before turning back to the sixth years.

Lee, who noticed the exchange, hollered out, "Hey, Al! Give me your tie!"

Alicia rolled her eyes. "No!" she said loudly, turning her back on Lee and the others. He made a noise of protest, but the fourth years effectively prevented him from taking off after her. He had been asking her all day to trade ties with him, and it was starting to wear on her nerves. Alicia quickly headed for the Entrance Hall, desperate to get away from the crowds.

"I'll come with you," Katie said, falling in step with her.

Alicia hesitated and glanced around. "No, you stay here and visit with the others. I'm sure you want photographs with a few other people, don't you? And... well... It's going to sound awful," she added apologetically, "but I kind of want to walk by myself for a bit."

Katie merely smiled. "I can understand that. It's kind of sad, and you want one last night to remember everything," she said, more somberly than Alicia expected. "I'll see you back in the common room, yeah?"

Alicia watched as Katie headed back into the crowd towards Roger Davies, though he had a number of girls around him clamoring for photographs. It would probably take Katie a while to get to him. With a sigh, Alicia turned and left the Great Hall.

The Entrance Hall was still fairly empty — mostly just first, second, and third years heading back to their dormitories, because they hadn't known the seventh years as well. She hurried up the marble staircase and ducked into an empty corridor, taking a slightly longer, empty route to remember her school years in silence.

The past year had been the worst by far, with Umbridge terrorizing the school, the Ministry refusing to acknowledge the truth, and the knowledge that certain Death Eaters had escaped Azkaban to rejoin He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The D.A. had been a bright spot for a while, until Marietta Edgecombe ruined it for the rest of them. Alicia would have to stop by the Room of Requirement on her walk through the school, just to see it one last time.

But before that, she peeked in her Charms classroom, then Transfiguration. Both were dark and silent. Shivering, she pulled the Transfiguration door closed and headed for the library, her safe haven to study in peace, sans the times Lee or the twins joined her.

Like the classrooms, the library was empty and quiet tonight, having closed up for the school year that very afternoon. There were no candles lit, though moonlight slanted through the tall windows and glimmered off the gilt spines of hundreds of books, while thousands of others were merely dark masses against the shelving. Madam Pince would have a stroke if she caught Alicia in here at this time of night, but it wasn't as if they could expel her now. Smiling to herself, she meandered through the study tables and past the Restricted Section, into the lofty shelves that rose to the ceiling. She walked down two aisles in particular, two that held different but similar meanings to her, lingering at the second spot and looking up at the books on Ancient Runes.

"It feels like a tomb, doesn't it?"

The quiet, deep voice behind her made her start and gasp with the realization that someone had snuck up on her; when she whirled around with her wand raised, Pucey threw his hands up quickly.

"Unarmed, Spinnet, calm down." His smile flashed in the darkness.

She let out the breath she had been holding and shook her head furiously. "Merlin, Pucey, I swear —!"

"Payback," he chuckled, walking around her and reaching up to trace the edge of Futhart's Ideograph. "You snuck up on me on this aisle only a few months ago. I owed you."

The amusement in his voice and his closeness made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up for no explainable reason at all. Damn, he was sexy. It really should be illegal to be that attractive, she thought.

"Did you follow me?" she asked, a little more tersely than she intended, as she stuffed her wand back inside her robes.

"And if I did?"

Her stomach flip-flopped like it had in the Great Hall when his name had been called. "Why would you?" she managed, barely keeping her voice even.

"For old time's sake? We've spent a lot of time together this past term." He leaned against the shelf and buried his hands in his pockets. "I wanted one last look around, too."

They fell silent, both gazing about the dark aisle, inhaling musty leather, listening to the stillness. A small part of her wished they could stay like that forever, just the two of them, leaning against the bookshelves in the dark and the quiet. For this moment, they were utterly alone. She could pretend just for a second that there was no war beyond the walls of Hogwarts, ready to destroy people, to possibly wreck her dreams and take away those she loved. For a heartbeat, the two of them were alone, and safe.

Pucey finally said in a low voice, "This was how I liked the library best."

"Dark?" she teased, leaning against the books beside him, side by side. Merlin, but he was tall. She was leaning a little closer than she should have, she supposed, but this would be her last chance to do so.

He shifted slightly, leaning his head to the side, closer to her. "Quiet," he amended. "Sometimes I would sneak out of the dorm and come in here in the middle of the night, or before dawn, just to get work done without anyone else around."

"How did you get away with it?" she asked wonderingly.

"Disillusionment Charm. I'm good at them. Madam Pince never found out, and some days she came in while I was working." He laughed softly again.

"I stayed in here so many nights until she made me leave," she murmured. "It was quieter than the common room."

"I wouldn't take that bet."

She could hear his smile.

They stood in silence a few moments longer, before he pushed off the shelves and turned to her. They were both in shadow; she couldn't see his expression, just his outline, but his hand came up and gently tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear.

"Thank you for wearing your hair down tonight." His voice was little more than a whisper, and it felt like electricity where his fingers brushed against her skin. "I don't want to presume it was specifically for me, but... even if it wasn't, I appreciate it all the same."

"Maybe it was for you." Her voice felt shaky, surely he could feel the way she was trembling. But damn it, she had to say it. "I haven't forgotten that you think it's prettier this way. And I thought...maybe it wouldn't be too much of a bother to wear it down. Just tonight."

His fingers lingered against her jaw. "Well. That makes it more special. Knowing it was for me."

A sudden thought occurred to her. "We should have taken a photograph downstairs."

His hand dropped — to her surprise, it fell to her collar, close to her throat. "Too late for that. Besides, I don't have a camera."

"Neither do I. But Colin would have —"

"I have a better idea."

Merlin's arse, she was going to stop breathing if he got any closer. His fingers tugged slightly at her tie, and for a wild moment she wondered what it would feel like to forget everything and strip here in this dark aisle with him and —

"Trade ties with me?"

The question caught her off guard. "...what?"

"For a keepsake. Just... to remember each other by."

His hand left her tie and went to his own throat, tugging the Slytherin tie loose. The silver and green glinted in the darkness.

Without thinking, she reached up and closed her hand over his, helping him with the silken fabric. His fingers twitched beneath hers unexpectedly and she just did hear the slight hitch in his breath.

"And what will you do if any of the other Slytherins see you with a Gryffindor tie?" she murmured, working the knot out of the fabric, her index finger tracing the hollow of this throat.

He swallowed and jerked beneath her touch. "They aren't going to find out. This is between us. Just us." The deep timbre and huskiness of his voice vibrated along her fingers and made her toes curl.

The idea that it was their secret made it all the more thrilling. "I like that," she whispered, finally undoing the knot and sliding the tie from beneath his collar. It fluttered down his chest, swaying between them. Without thinking, she unfastened the top button of his shirt and traced his skin there; it was smooth and soft and his muscles jumped. "Just between us."

His hands came back up again to her collar and he grasped her tie, deft fingers working the knot out. Alicia reached up to help him, hands brushing together, that spark skating along her skin and up her spine. When her tie loosened, he tugged it from beneath her collar and it slipped out easily — before she could speak, he also unfastened the top button of her own shirt and ran his finger to her collarbone. Her knees nearly buckled.

"Even," he breathed. Then he wrapped her tie around one hand, the silk over his knuckles and under his fingers against his palm.

Casting about for something to say, she asked, "What... what's next for you?" while shifting her gaze just to the side of his shoulder so she wasn't staring at his throat and chest. Because if she did, she might unfasten the rest of the buttons on his crisp shirt, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to do something that brazen, yet.

His shoulders dropped a fraction and he raked a hand into his hair. "Just...hope this war ends, sooner rather than later," he muttered.

It was a non-answer, yet truthful at the same time. Alicia didn't push. Maybe it was best if she didn't know what his plans were. Though she couldn't imagine he would join the Death Eaters, considering he hadn't been part of the Inquisitorial Squad, and considering that he valued fairness more than most Slytherins.

Without warning, he grasped her hand and gently slid his thumb along her knuckles. "I don't know what the future holds. None of us do. It's too risky right now, since the Dark Lord was caught in the Ministry and everyone's realized Potter and Professor Dumbledore are right."

And just like that, the fluttery feeling that had been beating its wings within her chest was doused as though in icy water. He was right, of course. It was impossible to know what was going to happen in the coming months and years. The war could drag on for a long time. The future was completely uncertain.

Her voice was small; he was still rubbing her knuckles. "Maybe that's all the more reason to go after what you want."

"Maybe." He didn't sound convinced. "But...I can't. Not yet." He lifted her hand between them and brushed his lips against her palm. And for the first time, his quiet voice broke slightly. "Just... For Merlin's sake, do me a favor. Don't get killed in this war, Spinnet."

Heat flooded her body and she clenched her thighs together. He was going to be the death of her; the war be damned.

"Will you at least kiss me? Just once," she whispered, not caring if she was begging or not. In seven bloody years, she hadn't been kissed once. It was rather pathetic, honestly, and she didn't want to leave Hogwarts without having been kissed. "Call it a goodbye kiss, if you want. That's all it will be —"

"Would it?" His hand left hers, his knuckles brushing her cheek. "You know it would mean more than that," he said hollowly. "For both of us. And I won't run the risk of hurting you. This war — it could last years and we don't know who will win —"

"You're not going to hurt me," she replied, reaching up to grasp his hand and giving him a small smile. "I'm a Gryffindor, Pucey. I'm not going to break down and sob because we can't be together. It makes me sad, sure, but I'll survive."

"Adrian."

Her brow creased slightly. "What?"

"Adrian," he repeated, shuffling closer so their uniforms brushed together, so she was almost pressed against him. "Please stop calling me by my surname."

"If you stop calling me by mine," she retorted.

"Fine."

She took a breath and said softly, "Adrian..."

Alicia could just see his eyes now, as close as they were, even in the darkness. He bent towards her, his thumb brushing her bottom lip. "Alicia," he whispered, and she could taste his breath against her lips, a tang of mint, while a woodsy, faint cologne engulfed her senses.

It was slow at first, tentative, gentle, like he was holding back.

And then he suddenly wasn't.

It happened simultaneously, their mouths opened together and Alicia felt something burst within her, as though moonlight suddenly exploded from her chest into all of her extremities. He pulled her close, one hand against the small of her back and the other in her hair, his mouth angled just right against hers, devouring and almost wild. Her fingers threaded into his hair, the tie unraveling from the neat way she'd wound it around her hand as she pulled him closer and dragged a hand down his warm neck, as she inhaled his breath and his tongue fought with hers, as they pressed closer, desperate, and —

He pulled away abruptly, stumbling backwards out of her reach.

Alicia mostly wanted to sink to her knees. Bloody fuck. It had only been one kiss and her legs wanted to collapse out from under her!

Only their breathing broke the heavy silence. After a long, tense pause, he muttered, "See you around... Alicia."

He was at the end of the row before she suddenly propelled herself forward and grasped his sleeve. He stopped and glanced back at her, the moonlight showing the pained, tormented expression in his eyes, and she wasn't sure if she could do what she'd promised. She had been wrong, very wrong. She said she was strong enough to let him walk away after one kiss (okay, technically, several), but what on earth had she been thinking?

"You, too," she gasped, smothering the thought of kissing him again. "Don't you get killed in this war either... Adrian. Please."

He touched her cheek one last time, thumb brushing the corner of her mouth, and then he was gone. Alicia waited until she heard the library door close before she sank to the ground, gasping for breath as though she had been pushed under water for too long, wrapping her arms around herself.

It took a few minutes, burying her face against her knees, her hair falling around her, stifling a couple of sobs, to pull herself together. He was right, after all. There was a war on, the future was uncertain, and they were still a Slytherin and Gryffindor to the world around them. It was too risky. She gulped in air, remembering the way his body had fitted against hers, snug and warm and solid, his mouth hungry and desperate. He'd complied with her wish and she couldn't ask for more than that. It wasn't fair to either of them.

With a deep sigh, she raised her head and pushed off the floor. Suddenly, the library was a tomb, sealing away this secret they shared, and she needed to leave it. She all but ran back to the seventh floor, taking great deep breaths to calm her nerves. If Angelina and Katie saw her like this, they would know something had happened, and she couldn't — wouldn't — tell anyone. This was between her and Adrian, a secret only they shared.

Before she reached the portrait hole however, she ran down the corridor where the Room of Requirement was located, barely noticing her steps. A door appeared unexpectedly and Alicia hardly registered that she hadn't walked by three times. She seized the handle and flung herself inside, coming to an abrupt halt.

The room looked exactly as it had when the D.A. had practiced Defense there: torches burning warmly, books lining the walls, cushions strewn about over the floors. Alicia paused and leaned against the door, gazing around the empty room. Tears pricked her eyes and she immediately straightened.

No. She couldn't cry. She wasn't going to be that girl. She'd told him she wouldn't cry.

She pulled his silk tie from her pocket; it fluttered its full length in front of her, the silver and green winking in the light from the torches. When she pressed it to her nose, she could smell his scent.

It suddenly occurred to her that if she walked into the common room not wearing her Gryffindor tie, Angelina and Katie would certainly know she had traded with someone, and everyone knew what trading ties meant. Even Lee would start demanding answers. Especially Lee.

Reluctantly, she cast a Glamour Charm on Adrian's tie, and the silver and green changed to gold and red. With a heavy sigh, Alicia slipped it on under her shirt collar and tied it neatly, stuffing it down the front of her sweater and straightening her robes and hair. She would remove the Glamour Charm as soon as she was in bed, encased in her curtains, and Angelina was asleep — or maybe just wait until she got home and no one was around.

But even though it was currently charmed to look like a Gryffindor tie, there was something special about knowing it wasn't, knowing it was really Adrian's. She wondered if he had glamoured her tie into Slytherin colours and was wearing it right now.

The thought made her a little lightheaded and giddy. She touched her lips once before she left the Room of Requirement to head back for Gryffindor Tower. She would have to come up with some believable story as to why it took her so long to get back, because Angelina and Katie would certainly pepper her with questions otherwise.

And this was her secret. With him. She couldn't tell anyone yet.

Maybe never.

Additional Notes:

1. I made up a few names in this story (all of the students in line between Adrian and Alicia): Yvonne Ennis (S), Karen Pickford (H), Jane Ramsey (H), Ellen Redgrave (R), Will Richardson (H), Gilbert Royle (H), and Ashley Saunders (R).

2. I did create the Leaving Ceremony; nothing like that is mentioned in the books, but I thought it would make sense to go full circle.

3. The original idea, if anyone was curious, involved Adrian and Alicia in the Room of Requirement on their final night at Hogwarts, and I would have most certainly had to bump the rating two notches up.