last words of a shooting star

by toniestark

Emilia Greene could have gone the remainder of her last year at Hogwarts with Sirius Black having no idea she even existed until he managed to publicly humiliate her in front of the whole school. In her defense, she thought he deserved more than the slap she gave him.

28. chapter twenty-seven

i do not own any characters or places unless stared otherwise.

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chapter twenty-seven.

Day six, people still whispered and pointed but gossip was buried in the ground just as quick as it was breathed to life. The popular zeitgeist of Hogwarts did not linger on in the halls like the Grey Lady, and the haunting feel of eyes began to dissipate as time trickled on, yet it did not bring any comfort. Emilia pretended not to notice, because that's what people would normally do in these situations - pretend and feign ignorance to the echo of her name from the mouths of nameless students who never knew of her existence before she made a splash. Literally.

But it was becoming an easier burden to bear as the days passed by one another. The morning after the incident, Emilia's chest had felt too heavy for the air in her lungs to push against, choking on her own breaths as she tried to think of any excuse that might be believable enough for Madam Pomfrey so she could avoid having to walk around the halls of the castle and have everyone stare at her.

They would say she was crazy now, insane, mental, as lost as her mother had been; perhaps she was, perhaps she had inherited the dreaded gene that made her mother indisposed, prone to bouts of hysteria. Had she really become her mother? Had she finally lost her sanity? Emilia had nearly strangled herself in her bedsheets trying to escape the thought as she began her dreaded routine that morning.

A pit in her stomach made it impossible to even entertain the idea of having breakfast but she had promised Sirius; the night previous, he had told her he would go with her into the Great Hall, walk with her every step of the way and she had hoped his shadow would act as a shield. It was a coward's way out, using him for her own benefit so that people wouldn't ogle her and whisper how she was mental now.

Sirius had told her not to worry about it. She didn't know what that meant. She hadn't asked.

Compartmentalisation. None of it mattered. That's what Emilia tried telling herself.

December air cracked on the window panes and snow was drifting down from the grey cotton blanketing the sky, and for the first time in her, Emilia couldn't wait for the two weeks that lay ahead before Christmas break came around, even though a haunting dread whispered at the edges of her mind at what those fourteen days of being at home would mean. Not important. She just needed to get through the week, and that's all that mattered. Future problems for future her.

That first morning, Emilia didn't have to wander far down the staircase before her eyes found Sirius, staring blatantly up at the direction to the girls' dormitory, not even attempting to hide his intentions of waiting for her. Not that he would have; he had promised, after all. Sirius kept his promises. He had cut through an icy lake to get to her, to pull her up from the surface and save her from a drowning of her own doing. The only evidence of the event that remained was the fact his inky curls were not as perfectly shaped as they usually were.

Emilia didn't even think about how long he had been waiting there for her. He did not comment on her unusual late rising, nor did he mention it the days after. Sirius never asked her about it, or asked her if she was okay, or if her mind was slowly unraveling. Or maybe he didn't have to and could see what she could not. But he didn't care, not when people stared at the two of them, not when people whispered, a Sixth Year Hufflepuff boy jokingly asked him would he be skinny dipping in the lake any time again soon; Sirius had told the boy to fuck off and that he should be more concerned about his girlfriend snogging his best friend in the Astronomy Tower.

Shame bred guilt in her chest as Sirius became the homing beacon of sly comments thrown their way, shooting back biting remarks that were ever as sharp as his bark, deflecting them so easily in a manner that left Emilia feeling pangs of envy; he bore the brunt of it, and yet never complained.

They're not brave enough, he had muttered, though Emilia hadn't asked him to elaborate. That's all he would say, shrugging the words off as easily as he had discarded his robes at the lake, letting them wash away until they were nothing. They were in this together, still caught beneath the freezing surface and unable to hear what anyone was saying.

Not even Sirius' friends mentioned anything to her, either. Emilia could see it, though; James had looked at her that first morning, his face screwed up tightly as each thought tightened the expression until his eyes flickered to Sirius, a wordless exchange Emilia was not privy to before James had begun complaining that Lily Evans still wasn't talking to him. About what, Emilia did not ask. Not that she needed to when James began asking her for her insight into the female psyche and why girls acted that way.

That Emilia did question because she had no idea what he was referring to. Sirius had leaned in close to her, telling her that James was being given the cold shoulder by the red-head over his failure to follow through on a promise and the conversation dissolved into a bickering match between the two boys over whether James was truly in the wrong. Emilia had decided not to partake. It was easier to pretend she didn't notice hundreds of gazes on them as she listened to the two of them, too preoccupied with deciding whether she wanted honey or sugar in her porridge that morning.

The next morning, instead of James, it was Remus and Peter. Neither breathed a word about it, and Emilia didn't have to imagine very hard who it was that told them to keep mum on the whole thing. Then, only Remus found time to join them that early. After that morning, it had only been her and Sirius. The stares had lessened somewhat, and it was easier to breathe. He had sat beside her, hip pressed to hers, not even caring there was a perfectly good free space right across for them that he could sit in. Not that she minded all that much, it had become a new normal for her; it's just who Sirius was, stealing her space to make room for himself like he wanted them to share the same star matter that they were drawn from.

They did not speak about The Incident, even amongst themselves.

And they did not talk about Marina. Neither of them wanted to broach the topic; Emilia could recall the dark look that had struck his beautiful face, thunder sewn into his features and did not wish to see it again. Part of her hoped he would forget about all she had said to him, about the bullying and harassment but that was just her spineless self trying to accommodate the feet that walked all over her. They had promised - no more secrets.

Was omission considered a lie? Deep in the marrow of her bones, Emilia knew it was. If Sirius found out, if he discovered that Marina had been using that dreaded word in her direction…

It sat like scum inside of her as she tossed it over and over in her mind; she tried to rationalise it, telling herself that the year was almost over, there was no point kicking a fuss up about it now, and it wasn't like she had any evidence at her disposal; who would believe her? An accusation as serious as that, no matter how true, against another Gryffindor of all people… what weight would it hold now that everyone was so sure Emilia was insane?

Sirius would believe her.

That was the problem.

He was not her guard dog, no matter what he had tried assuring her; Emilia did not believe that all it would take was a few, simple words and he would go into battle for her honour, but all she had to do was think about his words when they were huddled together in the kitchens, whispering to one another as though nothing else existed. What would he do? Where would he be then? Suspension at best, expulsion at worst, and where would she be then? How could she live with that weighing in her chest? She couldn't do that to him, she couldn't put him in that position even if she begged him not to because he was annoyingly stubborn and loyal and protective, baring teeth if anyone even tried sniggering in her direction.

It broiled uncomfortably in her stomach; she wasn't a child hiding in wardrobes anymore, she couldn't be so hapless and weak anymore. Survival of the fittest and she wouldn't survive out in the real world if she didn't do something; inaction was no greater than action but Emilia knew, she knew, that standing up couldn't be any more painful than being stepped on for her entire life.

Sirius was insisting that she could trust him, rely on him, but how could she do that when she couldn't even do that for herself? She had said that she had survived without him for so long, but could it even be considered surviving? It was barely even living. Rolling with the punches for so long and she was sick to the teeth of it. She had to try, for him, for them both; he couldn't take on the entire world no matter how much he insisted he could. She could protect him too, and for that she needed strength that would have to be conjured from such depths within her that she doubted even existed.

That was why, on the sixth day, when Emilia descended the stars, Sirius had a gloomy face that looked as promising as the sky outside, glowering at the ground with his arms over his chest as he shadowed the bottom of the stairs once more that she decided it was time to no longer clutch to the passive past self she had been forced to be.

"You're upset," Emilia stated, his head immediately perking up at the sound of her voice as she took the last step and studied him. The dark circles bruising the space beneath his silvery eyes were becoming more and more apparent; early mornings were not his forte, and yet here he was: waiting for her. There it was again, that odd and uncomfortable familiar feeling brewing in her chest. "What happened?"

"It's nothing, don't you worry your pretty head about," he assured her with a wave of his hand but Emilia pursed her lips, not believing for one second that it was nothing. Either Emilia was getting better at reading him, or he wasn't even trying to temper his annoyance at whatever was eating away at him. Sirius ran a hand over his face, trying to wipe away the evidence of his irritation but it did little in succeeding, a sign bleeding out him before he tried forcing a thin smile. "Come on, let's go get some breakfast, I'm absolutely starved."

He was a liar. And she was a hypocrite.

Sirius made a move to put distance between himself and the stairs, and Emilia made to follow but only with intent to reach out and grasp a hold of his sleeve, pinching it and tugging him to a stop; it was the same robe he had draped on her at the lake, she could tell simply by feeling it. Sirius' feet faltered and he looked back at her with confusion as Emilia frowned up at him. "Why are you upset?"

Sirius groaned, shaking his head, his usually perfect hair in a state of disarray as he slipped his sleeve from her grasp, but the distance was quickly quashed as his hand found her arm, fingers separated by layers of clothing but that didn't stop the burning feeling that lit beneath her flesh. His smile didn't reach his eyes. It did little to comfort her. "You don't need to worry about it, honest."

Emilia could not think of a more impossible statement when it came to him.

"Sirius," she pressed, refusing to bend to his request, the corners of her lips tugging ever downwards at his refusal.

"Emilia," he said back, her name leaving his mouth like a melody but she did not let her resolve chip away. Her eyes trained on his, and usually she would have been broken by the simple quirk of his grin, but not today. The curve of his lips dripped away as there was a lapse and a frustrated noise was strangled out his throat as he threw his eyes to the heavens. "Fine. Me and James had a blow out. He wants to get in as much Quidditch practice before the break. They moved the first game up and he's fighting with Hooch over practice time slots for January."

Well, that didn't explain much, if anything. "Why did you fight?"

Sirius clicked his tongue, his hand on her arm remaining there as though it was incapable of forcing space between their bodies and he used its compatriot to run through his air, leaving it a bedraggled mess that only he could manage to look good with.

"He wanted me down on the pitch this morning. I told him to piss off and he said if I didn't take it serious, I'd be out for the first game if I didn't haul ass to practise," he explained, a sharpness hanging on the edges of his voice as he recounted it to her; it wasn't like him, like them, to fight about something like this. Emilia had been subject to witness many of their bickerings, trading barbed words back and forth that held no thorns as they joked about. There had never been a time in all these months of knowing Sirius that she had seen or heard of him and his friends having a fight. Why now? Sirius cursed beneath his breath, as though the memory of it all still stung him. "Prick. I know he's bluffing, he wouldn't fucking dare think about replacing me."

"Why can't you go?" came the natural follow up and Sirius' gaze swivelled to her, as though she had asked him something so far-fetched and ridiculous as if he wore a thong beneath his trousers, looking positively aghast at the inquiry.

"Don't have a laugh. You know why," he responded, like she couldn't understand that the sky was blue, that the grass green, that he couldn't leave her side. Yes, Emilia knew why he felt it his duty to shadow her in the mornings, to walk her to classes even if he was on the other side of the castle, to sit with her in the lessons they shared. Emilia knew why and it did not make her feel better; if anything, it settled like a boulder in the confines of her ribs, pressing against bone and threatening to shatter. Shame clotted in her veins as Sirius' jaw snapped shut and he shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I'll clear the air with him later."

It did matter. It was her fault, was the implication even if that was not what Sirius meant; all because she was a pathetic coward who was too scared to even go to breakfast by herself. Still that little kid on the playgrounds hiding because she would rather hide in the shadows than spend a moment trying to capture the breeze while playing in it.

It was suffocating in a sense; she was trapping herself again, and she was trapping him too as a result. They were in that lake together, but why did the two of them have to drown? Better to cut losses and not drag him down with her. How would she ever forgive herself? She couldn't do that to him, she didn't want to do that to him. She was almost eighteen, on the cusp of being an adult, and she couldn't hide herself anymore, not if it was a detriment to him; she needed to do this, if not for her, but for him

Sirius turned to go, his fingers slipping down her arm until they graced her palm, grasping there and ready to bring her along with him; she might have complied, might have allowed herself to fall into his footsteps as she was wont to do but - couldn't.

She snatched her hand back as much as it pained her to do and the immediate absence of her hand made Sirius pause, looking back at her over his shoulder and confusion riddled his features, his fingers curling around nothing but air and Emilia's own ached at the emptiness, but that was not important now. Her throat closed up, swallowing thickly as she took to wringing her fingers together, knotting them and clearing her throat and hoping that she didn't look demented when she tried to give a reassuring smile.

"You should go," she said and Sirius' brows darted up his forehead in surprise, a scoff of surprise escaping him and that fake upwards curve on her mouth quickly disappeared. She released a hand to reach out and smack his arm. "I'm being serious."

"And so am I," Sirius retorted and she didn't appreciate the sarcasm one bit, a scowl forming itself. Sirius's face twisted, gaze fixed on her like he couldn't believe she was even trying to tell him to go off and join his friends. "I'm not leaving you on your own. I can practise in the evening."

"I'm fine, Sirius. I can go and have breakfast by myself. I did it enough times that I think I'll be okay without you there," Emilia reiterated, a stress in her voice. Emilia wanted to believe herself, she wanted to believe that she could survive an absence of Sirius' presence because she had to; she could learn to be without him for a few hours no matter if that horrible, grating voice within her was trying to tell her something different.

Sirius' stare was incredulous, unable to swallow the false comfort and Emilia didn't blame him. But it didn't matter; she didn't want to be a burden, she didn't want him to think her so inept that she couldn't cope without him being there holding her hand and coddling her. She had survived so much worse without him, maybe she needed to learn again. His shoulders dropped and his face turned glum, feet kicking up imaginary dirt. "I don't want to leave you on your own."

"You're not my keeper," she reminded him.

"That's not what I meant," he murmured, acting like Emilia had snatched his heart from his chest and was playing football with it.

"I know what you meant," Emilia said, rolling her eyes. "I'm a big girl. I can manage on my own just fine. Trust me."

"I do."

"Then go to the pitch because I really don't want to have to listen to you whine when James follows through on his promise," Emilia told him, knowing she would never hear the end of it if the worst came to fruition. Still, Sirius continued to look dejected, practically pouting and it was close to making Emilia's heart bleed even when she knew it was for show. The way he could weaponise his emotions, even unwittingly, against her made her feel completely helpless; it took every dram of her tattered willpower to not relent, sighing as she reached across the distance between them, a hand placing itself on his arm. He didn't jolt at the touch, but she did feel him stiffen, like she had caught him off guard, and the connection between them remained for a moment longer than necessary before she broke it reluctantly. "I'm fine."

It was like he didn't want to hear those words leave her, narrowing his beautiful eyes on her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Really really."

He pressed his lips together, nodding at her confirmation, feet turning to go before he cast his gaze back at her again, waiting for her to change her mind. "Only if you're sure…"

"Leave before I decide to give you a bollocking," she warned him.

"I love it when you talk sweet like that to me," he sighed, his voice sweet and crooning at her, making Emilia fight against the rising warmth crawling up beneath the collar of her shirt so that her cheeks wouldn't become stained with a darkening scarlet colour. Finally, Sirius threw his hands up in the air, admitting defeat. "Fine! Okay. But only because you told me to, not because I want to."

Like she could tell him to do anything, he was so stubborn and strong-headed she was sure he would jump off a cliff if she told him not to. But she had to do this, to show him and to show herself that she wasn't weak-willed and a coward. If not now, when?

She offered him a grin, trying to make it natural as she could and side stepped him, throwing a wave behind her before she could change her mind on the whole situation; the worst thing was that, despite everything, Emilia feared that if she did ask him to forget James and forget Quidditch practice, he would agree to come with her, but it went against everything within her to do it because she just would never be able to live with herself if she did that to him. "I'll see you at lunch, okay?"

"Save me a seat, will you?" he hollered after her, as though she would do anything different; who else would she sit beside if not him? The very notion, let alone the request, was ridiculous that she had to smother a laugh.

Emilia clutched to her withering bravado as she coasted through the corridors of the castle, eyes planted firmly downwards to give the false appearance of watching her footing lest she topple over herself in her rush to make it to breakfast before she decided to turn tail and go without food until the lunch hour came around; a broken record in her head, telling her she needed to do this, to stop clinging onto Sirius like some pathetic child because she was too anxious to eat breakfast alone. It was pathetic, really, beyond sad she was so worried about what other people thought. There was only one person in this entire world whose opinion that she cared about, and he had not called her insane a single time.

She wasn't a baby, and she needed this; so what if people whispered? So what if people giggled at her? What did she care? From being ignored to now have her name on everyone's lips was going from extreme to another and, sure, it was natural that it was going to take some getting used to now that she was known as the girl who jumped in the lake during winter. And then next week, there would be something or someone else, and then next year no one would remember her or anything about her. Was her sense of self importance so inflated that she thought everyone would be talking about this and her from years to come?

She soothed her churning, nervous stomach with this line of thinking as she wandered into the Great Hall behind a gaggle of Fourth Year Ravenclaw girls who had not noticed her, hoping to slip by without people's attention on her. It was quite easy to keep her head bowed and watch her line of sight, the benches filled up and spacing out the further she came to the top of the tables; she knew this routine, had lived it for so long: sit down, grab food, pretending to be engrossed in her breakfast, pour some tea, ignore the twisting of her guts brought forth by nerves. Down the line, a group of Second Years nudged each other, cast their inconspicuous gazes in her direction before moving on.

Paranoia. That's all it was. She was nervous over nothing. Two weeks, and then it was Christmas break and, after, Quidditch was starting back up again. And then it would be a few months before graduating Hogwarts and going out into the real world; what was the worst that could happen in that time?

She wasn't the first person to have a shitty time at school, and Emilia knew she would not be the last; maybe in fifty years time, she would wake up in a cold sweat after a nightmare of the whole ordeal, but that was all it would be: a long forgotten memory that would crop up every now and again, growing faded each time. Her mind would let go of it, making room for memories that would happen throughout the rest of her life and this, these seven years, were not the rest of her life. There was no ending to happen simply because she had a shit time in school.

More than a shit time. But she could get over it. What worse could there be now that she had experienced rock bottom? What more could be done to her that hadn't already happened? It felt like a jinx, but Emilia knew that, in retrospect, there was little else she could have done to her because Marina had already tried her worst and… well, everyone in school had seen it.

Would Emilia even remember Marina's name in ten, twenty, thirty years time? Maybe. But she would never have to see her face ever again. She would never have to cross paths with her again, she would never have to put up with her bullshit after they left school - hell, why bother putting up with it now? She had told herself before that she only had a few more months left and that she just needed to coast through those few months before freedom was within her reach, but it would be the same then as it is now.

They were never going to see each other again after they left Hogwarts, and it made no difference at which point in time Emilia would decide to find the courage.

It wasn't the first time such realisation came to her, but it began to ferment within her; if Sirius were to ever find out about the truth behind Marina's harassment, what then? So close to finishing school, and she would regret never doing right by him and standing on her own two feet. If not for herself, then for him. The thought made Emilia's heart seize, knowing that Marina's hatred ran deeper than teenage drama, whispers in her ears of mudblood scratched into her skull. Mudblood, dirty blood, inferior - was that what awaited Emilia in the Wizarding World once out of the safety of Hogwarts?

It was a fear inducing thought she instantly swept away; it would be fine, there were always assholes in every part of the world. She just had to avoid them whenever she could.

Unless they decided to seek her out.

A shadow darkened from behind her and Emilia knew from the shape, it was not Sirius; if not for that fact, it was the instant burn of sweet perfume that filled the air as a body flung itself down on the seat beside Emilia, lazing on bench and facing outwards without a care in the world, delicate bracelets clinking off of one another and making her stiffen ever so slightly. Emilia's eyes remained trained on her breakfast, pretending not to notice the intruder to her peace, her mouth dry as a curtain of auburn hair forced itself into the corners of her vision, knowing that if she turned, she would be a helpless rabbit caught in the blue eyes of a hungry wolf.

"Did you enjoy your dip in the lake, Greene?" came Marina's singsong voice, a titter filling the spaces of her words, keeping the volume low enough that no one would be able to hear them, though there was enough space between them and the next group of students that they wouldn't have been able to pick up Marina's voice even if she spoke in her normal cadence. "I know that I did, watching you flop about like a useless fish was more entertaining than anything else I've seen."

Emilia had no doubt about that, and wanted so much to snap back at the girl that she hoped she enjoyed her one free show, but bit her tongue; it was a waste of energy and time because it would end the same as it always does. But they had an audience now; what could Marina do to her? Put salt in her porridge?

How terrifying.

Instead, Emilia chose the oldest trick in the book: silence.

Emilia acted as though Marina were nothing but an annoying gust of wind and continued to scoop her food into her mouth, ignoring how much her leg wanted to start bouncing to expel some of the energy within her, heart sinking to her stomach. This was nothing she hadn't experienced before, and it actually pissed Emilia off that she couldn't even enjoy her meal without being accosted. What did Marina want Emilia to do? Apologise profusely for having muggle parents and snap her wand under an oath of never using magic again?

As if.

And it was so early in the morning too; did the red-head just wake up with an agenda of hatred that she needed to fulfil on a time schedule? Did she really have nothing better to do?

Marina shifted on her seat, lounging back as though she was not at all put off by Emilia's continued lack of a response.

"What's this, giving me the cold shoulder? Aw, I'm so hurt," Marina sniffed, inching closer and reaching across to flick at Emilia's hair, rubbing her hand on her skirt after as though she had come into contact with dirt; then just don't fucking touch me , Emilia wanted to spit at the display of dramatics. She did not. Silence was her best friend now. Marina leaned in close, sucking on her teeth at the absence of a reaction to his in Emilia's ear. "Do you think you're untouchable now all because of your little boyfriend?"

Boyfriend? She didn't - she hardly meant Sirius!

Not this again.

She had already accused Emilia of shagging Sirius before, and now she had decided Emilia and Sirius were boyfriend and girlfriend? It was such a ridiculous notion that it took everything within Emilia to not splutter at such a statement; what was Marina's obsession with Sirius? More importantly, what was her obsession with Sirius and Emilia? It was so befuddling and Emilia didn't even want to spend time trying to wrap her head around it.

Her and Sirius, Sirius and her - it was laughable at best. This wasn't even the first time this had happened; even now, Peter's words still continued to echo in her mind from that day in Hogsmeade no matter how much Emilia tried to shake herself free of them. That's where Sirius always brings girls on dates, Peter had remarked and left a mark it did, burnt into her bones, scratched into her skin and there was no getting rid of them. Emilia just didn't understand it, even now; they were friends, and she knew Sirius' extensive dating history, but that didn't mean he would date her , and didn't know why it was so difficult to be accepted.

They were friends. Good friends. Weren't friends allowed to be near to each other? To eat lunch together? To have their bodies drawn to one another as though they needed to occupy the same space because it was painful otherwise? It was normal . She had seen the other girls in her dorms hang off of each other's arms, holding hands and hugging, so why was it different when Sirius did that with her? It didn't feel different… did it? It felt nice to have him completely ignore the concept of personal space when he sat next to her, it felt nice when he would grab her hand and she could feel the rough skin from years of playing Quidditch, it felt nice when he would lay his body against her, it felt very nice when they were on the floor of the kitchens wrapped around each other. But that's what friendship was - feeling comfortable and enjoying the touch of friends.

It just so happened Emilia felt as though the only person in the entire world she would only ever feel comfortable doing that with was Sirius.

And that weird, tangled mess that scorched her veins when he touched her, looked at her, smiled at her, called her sweet names? That was just her adjusting to it all, the flush of embarrassment because she had never experienced it before. The discomfort she felt when Madam Puddifoot had grinned and asked usual then, is it? was nothing more than that horrible selfish feeling of knowing that she wasn't so special to think she was any of Sirius' firsts when he was all of hers. It was nothing else, she was sure, so why -

A hand shoved her shoulder and Emilia shook her head from her train of thought as her eyes snapped to the source of intrusion to her thinking.

Oh. Right. She had completely and unintentionally forgotten about Marina.

Whoops.

"Hey. I'm fucking talking to you," Marina snapped, venom dripping form her tongue as her blue eyes narrowed sharply, ice threatening to cut Emilia if she did not do as she was told.

What was Marina even still doing here? Did she seriously have nothing better to do?

Emilia didn't catch the roll of her eyes in time and turned back to her breakfast but had lost her appetite, the porridge no longer looking appealing to her as it had a few minutes beforehand, before the rude interruption of a certain red-head who was making Emilia think such silly and stupid thoughts about Sirius of all people. Again . Great. Just fantastic. "Unfortunately."

"Don't ignore me when I'm talking to you," Marina warned, but the threat did little to spike fear within Emilia. What could Marina do to her in the Great Hall? Gossip would spread quicker than Fiendfyre and what could she do then? Insist that everyone but her was lying? Or maybe Marina had not thought that far. Emilia didn't find it hard to believe.

"Why not?"

"Didn't your mother teach you proper manners?" Marina scoffed, but there was a different edge to her now, one that was not as cutting as her previous attitude; perhaps she was thrown off by the question coupled with Emilia's disinterest in the situation. Her mouth scowled, glowering at Emilia with a familiar hatred that ran deeper than was normal for teenagers. "No, I don't think she did. Shouldn't have expected any better from a mudblood."

If it were not for the fact that Marina's voice dipped lower than normal to utter the last word, Emilia might have started to panic, but oddly enough she didn't. Because for all of Marina's displays of hatred, there was one emotion that was stronger than anything else: fear of ostracism. And it was apparent that Marina was not quite ready for the entire student body to know she held such beliefs close to her heart; if anyone but Emilia had heard her say it, there would be grounds for detention, perhaps even expulsion.

And Marina knew it.

And she was scared. As much as anyone such as her could be scared of the consequences.

But Marina didn't want consequences, that was why she kept her tone low, that was why she only appeared when Emilia was alone, that was why she only took action when there was no audience. Emilia didn't understand; if Marina believed what she did so wholeheartedly, why still be so afraid to keep it close to her chest? Maybe there was no point in trying to understand the narrow viewpoint of a person who thought such things about the world.

"Okay," Emilia shrugged, the sting of such a word not worming its way to her heart as it might have. The initial shock she had felt at Halloween had waned away, and now it was more a nuisance than anything else; couldn't she just have one day where everything could go smoothly? And her tea was cold now. Surprisingly, that was more annoying than anything else. "Can I get back to my food now?"

Emilia's blasé countenance did little to deter Marina, who no longer sat as though she were talking to a friend about some magazine or new book, her back straightening sharply and her hand snatched up Emilia's arm, wrapping around it and Emilia could feel the dull sting of Marina's nails through her robes, her eyes staring at the grip and, even though she knew it would not bruise, it fanned the flames of irritation within her; why was it Marina only ever had the courage to approach her when she was not shadowed by Sirius? Was she brave only when it was Emilia by herself?

Maybe that was the difference between them. They were only in this situation because Sirius was not here and all for different reasons.

"You think you're so confident now, don't you? All because you have Sirius Black on your side," Marina mocked, trying to dig her fingers past the protection Emilia's clothes provided her against being hurt beyond a barely there ache that bloomed in her flesh. Without waiting a moment's hesitation, Emilia tore herself from Marina's claw, trying to temper her own frustration. There she was again, bringing up Sirius; an emotion that was bordering on the edges of fury sparked in Emilia's blood at the way Marina said Sirius' name. She didn't like it, didn't like the way the red-head said his name so easily, said it in such a taunting tone. It made her more irritated than anything else that Marina had said.

Marina had no right to say Sirius' name.

"Actually, Marina, I'm just not interested in anything you have to say because I've been doing some self reflection, something you should give a go at," Emilia retorted, growing more and more fed up with this situation, gritting her teeth. Her breakfast was completely unappetising now, her tea was cold, so what was the point of staying here and chatting with someone who supposedly hated her guts yet tried to capture any moment that she could to torment her? "And I've just realised that after this year, I will never have to see you or be around you ever again, so it really puts everything into perspective."

Marina sneered, an ugly thing that ruined her beautiful face. "It does, does it?"

"Yeah. I mean, I'm not the one wasting my time picking on other people because I've nothing better to do," Emilia continued on, unable to stop herself as she spoke. It was too late now, and maybe it was because she was drunk on the realisation they were surrounded by people, which prevented Marina from doing anything beyond throwing scathing remarks her way. Somehow, Emilia knew she would survive. "You know, for someone who hates to be around little mudbloods like me, you do spend a lot of time trying to talk to me."

Emilia didn't realise she had said the word until it escaped her throat and Marina's nostrils flared, cheeks turning blotchy with the redness bleeding in them. It was quite amusing to watch it happen, to see her anger spill over across her face. "How fucking dare you - "

"I'm just not bothered to keep entertaining you. It's quite sad and pathetic really. Do you fancy me?"

"Fancy you?" Marina all but spluttered, like repeating the very words choked her.

"No shame in it, if you do."

"As if anyone would fancy you."

Emilia waved her words away. "Not your type, I guess? That's okay, you're not mine either."

"You really think you're so special now, don't you? That's what happens to dirty breeds like you when you're given even the smallest bit of attention."

"Yeah, maybe. Or maybe, just maybe, I've been thinking and there really isn't anything you can do to me that won't get you expelled," Emilia said, it all clicking into place as she spoke. "Like, what are you going to do? Cry to McGonagall that my grubby, little mudblood hands touched your stuff? I don't think she'd be as understanding to you if you did."

To rub salt in the freshly split wound, Emilia moved her hands towards Marina, who expectantly leaped away to save herself from infection, trying to get out of the danger zone where she might be ruined by Emilia's contaminated, muggle-born self. It was hard not to find amusement in the reaction, especially watching Marina's face turn steadily darker and redder at recognising she was being messed with and that Emilia had her cornered: she couldn't do anything that wouldn't result in her facing severe consequences. Emilia only took comfort in the fact she had come to the realisation only a bit later than Emilia had.

Emilia didn't even bother trying to hide the smug smile ghosting her lips, satisfied and heart spilling with pride at finally catching Marina out on her bluffs; sure, it had taken seven years, but better late than never. After all this time, and she had discovered a chink in Marina's armour, exploiting it for weakness; she never needed the threats of telling teachers, she didn't need to scurry away into a dark corner, and she didn't need to hide behind Sirius to do the dirty work. Just… herself.

With that, Emilia turned back to her breakfast, feigning interest in it as she forced herself to sip on her cold tea to continue the air of nonchalance, catching a glimpse of Marina baring her teeth like any feral animal might when it knew it was trapped, back faced to the wall and unable to escape the enclosure it had built for itself. "You have no idea what I'm capable of."

"I am so scared," Emilia responded sarcastically. Maybe Marina was right, perhaps she would get Emilia eventually, drag her into the dungeons and scratch her eyes out. But not today. Today, Marina had lost the upper hand and couldn't do anything. Even if the victory lasted only for this brief moment, Emilia would savour it for as long as she could. "Yeah, well, use your spare time to start getting creative because I'm not bothered to keep this conversation going."

"Listen to me, you fucking little mudblood bitch," Marina cautioned, the word leaving her mouth with a bit more courage this time, her lily-like cheeks now more akin to blood soaked roses, twinning with her curtain of auburn hair. "You better be careful or - "

Emilia never did hear the end of the threat.

By the time she looked up to see why Marina had decided to finally shut her mouth, a flash of black robes had come up behind Marina, a hand reaching out to take a fistful of red hair and wrench at it, and suddenly, Marina was no longer sitting beside Emilia but instead on the ground, cradling her head and kicking at the mass of dark robes that began to quickly overpower her.

Immediately, like a thread snapping, all eyes were on the commotion as Emilia nearly stumbled over herself trying to get to her feet, watching in stunned shock at the sight of Marina on the ground, trying to kick her legs at the person atop of her, face warped with alarm and panic that was shattered when a fist reeled back and smashed itself right into her nose. Blood was instant, spurting down Marina's face and she was left in a stupor because of the agony Emilia knew she felt.

Students were quick to surround the scuffle, and Emilia was there with front row seats, unable to do anything but watch as Marina tried helplessly to free herself from the merciless blows raining down atop of her from a mass of dark robes.

Dark robes, adorned with silver and green.

There atop of Marina was Amanda Glass, the Slytherin girl who sat across from Emilia in Potions, who would spend most of her time giggling and whispering with fellow Gryffindor, Thomas Kinley. Amanda Glass, who had asked Emilia if she was alright when Sirius had stopped her from getting doused with the potion she knocked over. Amanda Glass, a Slytherin girl who was only ever polite and sweet. Amanda Glass, who was currently punching and tearing the hair of Marina Teagrass like she wanted to rip sinew from bone to dig out the rot from within and crush it in her palms.

Amanda's face was a tapestry of rage, of revulsion, and complete and utter contempt. Marina's hands tried pulling at the tight, black coiled curls of Amanda's hair, fisting a chunk of it in her fingers before Amanda reeled her fist back once more and brought it down into Marina's mouth, seething breaths in her chest as they fought, yelps of pain pouring from Marina who desperately tried to go on the defence, creating sounds more similar to a wounded and whining dog than a person.

"You fucking cunt!" came Amanda's shrill voice, panting as she continued to aim her hits wherever they might land on Marina - on her face, her chest, her neck, anywhere that she knew would bring agony. The other students began to froth at the mouth, a frenzy at the sight of a fight riling them up, brought together for spectating. Emilia couldn't tear her eyes away, the blood pouring from Marina's face endless and caught in Amanda's hand was a tuft of red, silken strands. She gripped the front of Marina's robes, shaking her and not caring that the other girl's skull was bouncing off of the stone floor. "You think you can go around saying that fucking word and get away with it?! You think it's funny to pick on First Years?! "

Marina's legs moved aimlessly, trying to wriggle herself free as she coughed, hands pawing at Amanda's face and trying to block her attacker's field of vision to spare herself any more hits, wet, blood laden coughs escaping her, red dots marking her pale and freckled skin. "My tooth! You broke my fucking tooth!"

"Don't worry, I'm going to break a lot more," Amanda threatened and just like that, she followed on her promise, resuming her attack, a yelp of pain leaving her as Marina began to pull at her hair, teeth on display like she was ready to tear open the other girl's throat. Emilia wouldn't blame her.

Marina's desperate blue eyes darted around, trying to find help where there was none, finding only an entertainment starved audience who were egging on both girls, split into teams, a crashing wave of shouting surrounding Emilia, making her heart race, a ringing in her ears as for a brief second, Marina's gaze found her own. It came so quick and left just as instantly, Emilia doubted it even existed but she knew it crossed her mind the moment it did: pity. She felt pity for Marina, pity for the girl who tormented her, bullied her, called her mudblood.

Then it was gone.

And Marina knew there would be no mercy. "Get her off! Get her off of me!"

"Not so tough when you aren't picking on eleven year olds, are you?!" Amanda continued, a relentless force that refused to be stopped when knuckles and nails met skin and bone. Marina had managed to scratch her cheek and eye, splitting it open into red ribbons. "Don't like it when someone your own size picks on you, do you?!"

"Stop her! Why are you standing - "

"You so much as look at my cousin ever again, and you'll be eating through a tube for the rest of your life!"

Oh.

Oh.

It was as though the words went over the crowd, who were interested only in having their revelry for the morning, but Emilia was caught on them, stuck on Amanda's voice and the threat it carried across the Great Hall in a screech. Her cousin - Marina had been bullying Amanda's cousin, whoever that was. Emilia didn't know there were others - she thought she was the only one, Emilia… she had hoped she was the only one. She thought that if Marina got her fill from her, that she wouldn't dare to direct her abuse towards anyone else.

Towards children.

A First Year. A fucking First Year. Marina had been bullying a First Year. An eleven year old, an innocent child, had been subject to what Emilia had gone through for seven years. That wasn't - it wasn't supposed to be that way. It was supposed to be only Emilia, so that no one else would have to go through it.

But she was a fool.

She was a fucking idiot and now there was a child out there who had suffered because she was a fucking idiot.

Marina dug up whatever strength she had to get her legs beneath Amanda to push her off, knocking the Slytherin to the ground on her back right at Emilia's feet, clambering on top of her opponent to turn the tables as she began to mindlessly aim punches down on Amanda's face. This wasn't right - why wasn't anyone doing anything? Why was Emilia doing nothing? "Not my fault your aunt decided to make something as disgusting as her, maybe it's her you should be angry - !"

A hatred filled scream spilled out of Amanda's lips as her forehead reared up to smash into Marina's mouth, hitting that sore spot once more and flecks of blood spotted the stone, and Emilia's shoes.

"You ever fucking say that word again and I'll make sure you spend the rest of your life wishing you were dead!" Amanda shrieked, not caring that Marina had turned them over and she was now trapped beneath, pummelling and kicking what she could even as she lost the upper hand, the hits not halting her fury that burned brighter than ever as she yanked at Marina's hair once more, more clumps of it coming out to Marina's apparent dismay and flipped them both over, taking victory once more. "You dirty, fucking cunt! I'll fucking kill you, you hear me?!"

And maybe she would, at the rate she was going.

But then someone shouldered past Emilia, jumping down from the table they had clambered over to make way to the two girls; another Slytherin girl whose name Emilia did not know. At first, Emilia was under the misguided belief she was there to aid her fellow Slytherin comrade in her fight until her hands wrapped in Amanda's tight curls and used it as leverage to pull Amanda off of Marina.

Emilia could only stare as the Slytherin girl wrapped her arm around Amanda's neck, lips brought close to the other girl's ear and muttering something that went unheard by everyone else, something that made Amanda snarl as she bucked and kicked, trying to free herself from the chokehold she was locked in and currently losing against.

Quickly, Emilia could see Amanda's dark skin flush red the tighter and longer the other Slytherin held her, Marina gasping for air on the ground and trying to wipe the blood away. This wasn't good, no one was helping, why was no one helping? Amanda's cheeks were growing a deep wine colour, spluttering for air; this wasn't good, no one was doing anything, and Marina was trying to get to her feet, trying to once again run away because she wasn't as brave as she thought she was to face the consequences of her actions.

There should be a teacher, someone to break it up, because this wasn't right. Emilia's eyes darted around, trying to find someone, anyone, who might try to get involved and put an end to it because Amanda looked like she couldn't breathe; someone had to do something, someone needed to -

Emilia's feet were moving before she realised, heaving air as she rushed forward, hands braced to push right into the tall Slytherin girl, using the sudden force to unwind her arm from Amanda's neck, freeing her. What the fuck was she doing? This wasn't her, this wasn't what she did but - but no one was helping and Amanda looked close to passing out. "Let her go! You're hurting her!"

Amanda stumbled on her feet and Emilia turned to help her, taking her by the arm and Amanda jumped, ready to get into action before her brown eyes found Emilia's own, recognition flashing in her irises. Emilia could barely hear above the roar of the crowd, the blood rushing in her ears, the pounding of her heart. Marina, on the ground and cowering, trying to escape. Amanda, staring at Emilia with surprise, but grateful. The tall Slytherin girl -

A push and Emilia was sent backwards, legs knocking into the bench and the edge of the table bit into her spine, a cry of pain escaping her. The tall Slytherin girl hovered over her, practically snarling as she spoke. "Stay out of this, mudblood bitch."

Amanda was already gone, chasing after Marina to drag her back from any form of escape and the tall Slytherin girl made a move to once more incapacitate Amanda; they were in the same House, but on opposing sides. Emilia didn't want to think about why, especially since the tall Slytherin girl had snarled the same word Marina had towards her many times. Mudblood.

It didn't take a lot to realise why the Slytherin girl might be trying to help Marina.

Maybe Emilia's brains had fallen out of her skull when she was pushed because she was on her feet once more and before she realised it, she had leaped forward to do exactly to the Slytherin girl that she had done to Amanda; her arm fit nicely around a neck, yanking it back due to the difference in height and a choked noise escaped the mouth; Emilia's eyes were wide and wild, squeezing as hard as she could even as she felt nails begin to claw at her cheek, knuckles less than kind on her face as she continued to restrain the Slytherin, panicking because now she was in the thick of it, centre stage and hearing people shout at her to start ripping hair from scalp.

She was crazy. She was insane. What was she doing? This wasn't her. She hated fighting, she always did, and this was a completely cheap move to make; but Emilia couldn't stop herself as the tall Slytherin writhed in Emilia's hold, trying to scratch her way to release, a fish out of water as she tried to scrape air into her lungs. Amanda was on Marina again but Emilia had no luxury to watch, not sure what to do now that she was in the middle of it all. It was too late to regret anything, to regret helping Amanda, because she had to keep focusing on not getting her eyes scratched out or a jaw broken.

The world was a hazy mess, adrenaline pumping in her veins, heart racing and making it all feel so surreal; the hits landed on her hurt but it came and went before the agony could settle in, feet trying to find purchase as the tall girl's tanned face was becoming redder and redder the longer Emilia held onto her. What the hell was she going to do? Wait until the girl passed out? She hadn't even thought that far - no, she hadn't been thinking at all before she had rushed to Amanda's defence and now she was stuck in this position lest she wanted her nose broken. There would be no lying or excusing herself out of this; what trouble would she be in then?

Fuck.

Fuck, she was going to be in so much trouble. She was going to be -

"What's going on?!" came a voice that sounded all too familiar and Emilia caught a glimpse amid the struggle of a head of red hair bobbing through the crowd, forcing the sea of students to part and Lily Evans broke through the soaring wave of bodies to clap eyes on the sight before her, mouth dropped open as another student followed suit behind her; Elissa Farthing, Head Girl for Slytherin with white blonde hair slicked back, black sharp eyes, and a thin lipped mouth that scowled constantly.

Shit.

Lily gasped, green eyes bouncing from Marina and Amanda tumbling and rolling on the ground with no care for authority and then her gaze moved to Emilia with a slackening Slytherin girl in her arm, the moment of complete shock evident in her gaze, frozen to the spot with her lips rounded in a circle and no ability to form an order to stop the mayhem ensuing right before her. Emilia didn't blame her; she could hardly believe she was in this situation herself.

Elissa Farthing, on the other hand, was growing more and more similar to a red Christmas bauble with each passing second.

"Amanda! Amanda, get off of the Gryffindor!" Elissa shouted. "Amanda Glass, as your Head Girl, I order you to get off of her!"

But Amanda paid no heed, prompting Elissa to jump in the action and grab Amanda by the scruff of her neck, hauling her off of a beaten down Marina.

"Let me at her! I swear I'm going to rip her red hair out of her thick, fucking skull!" Amanda screamed, fighting Elissa every step of the way, three strips of red down her cheek, a cut on her eyebrow and her hair now no longer perfectly styled due to Marina yanking at it.

Lily shook her head, stepping in and crouching in front of Marina, pulling a face at seeing the extent of Marina's injuries that ranged from a broken nose, a swollen eye, tufts of her beautiful red hair torn from her scalp, and a gap where her tooth should be which she attempted to hide behind her hand but Emilia had caught a glimpse of it; no more was the flash of straight, pearly white teeth that would sneer and smirk at her. That scummy feeling of pleasure washed within Emilia at seeing it, at seeing Marina no longer the picture perfect epitome of beauty, at seeing what she treasured most in this world taken from her.

Did that make her a bad person? Maybe.

Did she particularly care? Not really.

The crowd calmed, the blood-lust ebbing away as a new turn of events unfolded before them. Lily cringed as Marina spat blood on the ground beside Lily's feet. "Marina, are you okay?"

"What the fuck do you mean am I okay? She's crazy! Actually mental! Look at what she's done to me!" Marina cried, all but hysterical as she remained on the ground, curled up and whimpering from the agony of it all, keeping her hand firmly in front of her mouth so that no one could see her missing tooth but it was obvious and everyone had already heard her scream about it earlier. She jabbed an accusing finger towards Amanda, who definitely walked out of the fight looking better and, apparently, the winner. Marina's eyes burned with fire, opposite elements clashing with tears brewing in the ocean of her irises. "She should be expelled for what she's done!"

Lily hushed Marina, standing to her feet and clearly out of her depth at this situation; Elissa kept a firm grip akin to a vice on Amanda, making the girl wince. Lily stood, running a hand haphazardly through her hair as she sucked in a calming breath. "Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves here. We all just need to calm down - "

"Calm down? Calm down?! " Elissa interjected through sharp teeth. "You can't be for real, Evans. Just look at your other Gryffindor having one of mine in a chokehold!"

All eyes were on Emilia and, shit, she forgot because the girl had grown lacklustre in her attempts to fight back. Immediately, Emilia unwound her arm from around her neck and the Slytherin toppled to the ground, right on her face and a collected sharp gasp came from the other students watching as the impact was heard, causing the girl to groan as she tried picking herself up, panting and floundering for air.

Lily grimaced and Emilia had the decency to appear sheepish, stepping over the Slytherin's body, hands displayed in surrender and could feel blood rushing to her cheeks, throbbing beneath the surface from where she had been hit and scratched at but needing as much distance between her and the Slytherin girl as soon as possible because she was already nearly on her feet, doubled over and glaring daggers at Emilia.

A cringe flashed across Lily's features and she clicked her tongue, pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to sort through a million and one thoughts that crossed her mind. "Okay, obviously both parties here are at fault. Clearly this is all a misunderstanding, right?"

"Typical of your lot, never wanting to take accountability. You need to keep your Gryffindors under control," Elissa spat and Lily stiffened, raising her head and eyes narrowing at Elissa's choice of words that might have been construed as nothing more than the typical rivalry existing between two Houses but the tension that was strung in Emilia's body at hearing the implication was also clear to see in Lily, eye twitching ever so slightly.

No, there was no point jumping to conclusions because they couldn't let this entire situation fall apart just as they had managed to put it back together, Lily sucking in a calming breath, a muscle jumping in her jaw as she clenched it, trying to keep level-headed before the entire thing got out of hand.

Or more out of hand.

Sirius was never going to let Emilia live this down once he heard about this, if he hadn't already got word about it.

"Oh, please, Farthing, stop being so dramatic. I'm Head Girl, not Headmaster. I don't control them. Besides, who's to say it wasn't your lot who started this fight?" Lily shot back, hands on her hips as any sense of civility ran away from her and turned the tables because, technically, she was right - it was Amanda who started the right, even if she had good reason too. Not that Lily knew that. Hundreds of pairs of eyes were bouncing back and forth between the two Head Girls, a buzz brewing as the atmosphere grew electric, tension sizzling beneath the surface.

"Us?! Always easier to blame things on us purebloods and Slytherins, isn't it?" Elissa baulked and she let go of Amanda, practically throwing her arm from her as she stomped over to Lily, her breathing loud as she scrunched her nose up in something Emilia could only characterise as disgust; a foreboding sense of dread began to fill her veins quickly, knowing in her stomach that the storm hadn't passed them yet, they were simply caught in the eye of it and time had run out. Elissa sized Lily up, dragging her eyes up and down and scoffing at what she saw. "I should have expected that from a mudblood Gryffindor."

Elissa did not bother to keep her voice low and it was a painful echo to have thrown back in Emilia's ears, winces washing over many faces and shock across the others. And then, a few that might have gone unnoticed, not reacting at all. But all had heard it, not that Elissa seemed to care, emboldened by the advantage she had over Lily, towering over the red-head and sneering at her.

The pit in Emilia's stomach worsened, wondering if she should grasp the opportunity to make a run for the hills, but found her feet were unable to move, a bystander like everyone else as Lily's pretty face became completely unreadable, not caring that Elissa stood a few inches taller than her as she kept her shoes firmly planted while standing toe to toe with the Slytherin Head Girl. It was impossible to tell what was going through Lily's mind, all including Emilia waiting with bated breath as she hummed, nodding as the reality of Elissa's words sunk in.

At any moment, a teacher would have to run in. At any moment, they would all be expelled on the spot and sent home. At any moment, the unthinkable would happen.

Because Lily shrugged and sighed. "Well. In for a penny…"

And her fist promptly met Elissa's nose.

There was no time to react before Amanda was already zoning her attention once again on a panicked Marina, no time to react as Lily and Elissa began to tussle with one another, no time to react as Emilia's own Slytherin girl made a run for her, stumbling on her feet as she did so, clearly still out of it due to before as her brain had become muddled from the denial of oxygen; just what had she got herself into?

Emilia's face hurt like hell and she couldn't find a gap in the dense crowd to escape because the Slytherin girl stretched out her arm as she darted forward, making a grab for Emilia's robe but miscalculated the distance and grasped only air, tripping over her feet and smacking her face right into the bench of the Hufflepuff table.

And crumpled, groaning.

Shit.

Reluctantly, Emilia took the chance and not all too eager to wait for the girl to gather strength once more, she resumed her position of holding the girl by her neck, making sure to keep space for the girl to breathe but incapacitating her just enough that she wouldn't regain her strength and completely wipe the floor with Emilia. The crowd resumed their cheering and shouting, circling the fight to the point of standing on tables to get a better view, the mob whipped up into a frenzy once again.

Sirius was really never going to let her live this down.

It took all of two minutes before a shrill voice cut through the vein of students.

"What is the meaning of this?! Girls, stop this fighting at once!" yelled the dreaded voice of Professor McGonagall as other students parted way for her, a huffing and puffing Slughorn waddling behind her. Emilia's heart sank to the very depths of her stomach, eroding in acid as the older witch stopped, Slughorn nearly knocking into her as a result, and her face was a deathly white colour, outrage like a knife on her sharp features. "Girls, I demand that you all stop fighting at once!"

Technically, Emilia wasn't actually fighting, but she doubted McGonagall would care about the technicalities.

Opposed to McGonagall, Slughorn's face was a beetroot hue that shifted to eggplant very rapidly, his head a grape that was fit to burst at any second as he sucked in a breath and his voice escaped him in a tremendous boom. "Slytherins! Gryffindors! Stop this nonsense right this instant!"

The room stopped, as did the fighting; Marina's hand was in Amanda's hair, while Amanda was attempting to strangle the girl beneath her, looking up as though annoyed she had been forced to halt her beatings. At the far end of the makeshift circle, Lily was pulling at Elissa's tie, tightening it as much as it could possibly allow her to do, the heel of her palm pressed into Elissa's eye as the Slytherin looked ready to flip Lily onto her back and slam her into the ground. Each frozen in position and irritated at being interrupted until the realisation who it was that was now staring them down began to seep in.

Emilia should never have told Sirius to go to Quidditch practice that morning.

Professor McGonagall's eyes found Emilia first.

"Ms. Greene, you will unhand Ms. Jayce right now," she ordered, her voice scarily steady and Emilia instantly did as she was told, the Slytherin girl falling once more to the ground and right onto her face, drawing a wince once more as her nose smashed into the ground on the impact. Then, McGonagall swivelled to Lily, her gaze turning deadlier and sharper at the sight of seeing her Head Girl involved in a brawl. "Ms. Evans, you will let go of Ms. Farthing's tie."

Lily pursed her lips but did as she was told, pushing Elissa from her and not caring that earned her a glare from McGonagall.

Slughorn's attention was on the display that was at his feet, trembling at the edges from the anger he was desperately trying to contain. "Amanda Glass! Get off of Ms. Teagrass right this moment if you know what's good for you!"

With a grunt, Amanda pulled herself off of Marina, untangled herself and grimaced as the aches and pains of her injuries began to settle in. All were frozen, the reality of their actions and what they had done sinking in, nursing and licking their wounds while McGonagall and Slughorn glowered at them all.

They were in the final act and no student dared blink nor breathe lest they miss even a second of what was unfolding before them.

"In all my years of teaching, I have never been subject to witness such appalling displays of debauchery and recklessness. I expected better from you, from all of you," McGonagall began, eerily calm but Emilia knew better than to think the woman was anything but the epitome of fury reincarnate. "You girls should all be deeply ashamed of yourself and - Ms. Evans, will you let go of Ms. Farthing's hair!"

Emilia's neck protested at the rate she turned to see Lily had once more began trying to pull out Elissa's once-perfectly slicked back hair, trying to get one last hit in before being dragged to gallows; at being caught, Lily removed herself from the Slytherin Head Girl's head and took a step away, bowing her head in what might appear to be shame but there was little about her that gave evidence to such an idea.

McGonagall's jaw was tightly wired shut, hands clasped together but a slight tremor was obvious from how she tried to contain herself, not wanting to blow a gasket in front of nearly the entire student body. No, that would be reserved for Emilia and Lily. Marina, too. They were going down in the ship but Marina was stuck on it as well which made it that bit more bearable. "Gryffindors. With me. Now. "

"All Slytherins to me," Slughorn repeated, not looking at all like the jolly professor in class.

Marina picked herself up from the ground, no help offered to her as she tried and began to stalk off behind McGonagall, a path carved out in front of them and Emilia bowed her head, following suit while stepping over the slackened but thankfully very much alive body of the Slytherin girl, Lily's footsteps falling in line with Emilia's own. The mob, realising that there would be no encore, began to disperse, running back to their tables to excitedly discuss the new topic for the week, which Emilia once more realised she was a part of.

At least this time, she wasn't centre stage.

She wondered how long it would be before Sirius heard about all of this; had news already spread? It was a long way from the Quidditch pitch, but she knew that she shouldn't underestimate the power of gossip amongst the students. She didn't even want to entertain his reaction. It could be anything from disbelief, laughing in the face of anyone who would be the bearer of bad news, or complete and utter shock.

The one morning she had insisted she would be fine by herself and she ended up in a brawl with five other people; God, she was going to be in so much trouble. This was the third time since September that McGonagall had to deal with her, three times being brought in front of the older witch for her behaviour that was spinning more and more out of control. How could she have let this happen? How could she be so reckless and stupid to act this way? She should have kept out of it, she should have just stood there and done nothing.

But… why didn't she?

Amanda's voice rang in her ears, the screams and accusations thrown towards Marina; Emilia wasn't the only victim, she wasn't the only person who had been cornered and harassed. The only difference was that Amanda's cousin had someone to protect her, to stand up and fight against the world if necessary. Why should Amanda have to pay penance for doing the right thing? Emilia had spent years wishing and dreaming of someone to do that, and even when she did have someone, there was still that deeply-seated fear that was nestled within her and stopped her from asking for even a dram of justice against all that she had been through.

Amanda had done right by her cousin and Emilia… Emilia couldn't just stand by and watch as someone was finally putting Marina in her place because she knew it was something she would be incapable of doing.

All four witches walked in a suffocating silence through the corridors, the turns and twists all too familiar as they trudged to McGonagall's office; Lily walked in tandem beside Emilia, wiping the blood from her newly split lip, hissing in subdued pain as she did so, her hair a frizzy mess atop of her head, and Marina was in front of them, head bowed and hand clamped over her mouth to ease the blood dripping form her lips. Emilia couldn't exactly see the extent of the girl's injuries from behind, but knew that whatever Amanda had done to her was no less than what she deserved. It would be gone by tomorrow if Madam Pomfrey had anything to do about it, but Emilia would never forget it, would never forget the sight of Amanda Glass on top of Marina and completely kicking her ass.

And she had no doubt Marina would forget either.

Good.

They all stopped in front of the door to McGonagall's office, the older witch whirling and her eyes prickled Emilia's skin, an itch beneath the surface that felt like shame as dread swelled in her chest, Lily coming to a half beside her but keeping her head held high, jaw wired shut and biting her tongue.

"You two will wait out here while I talk with Ms. Teagrass," McGonagall's frosty order bit out at them both, throwing open the door and a pinching grip on Marina's shoulder as she all but hauled the Gryffindor girl inside, slamming the door shut behind the two of them, the sound making Emilia wince at how it echoed.

This was it. She was going to be expelled, she had to be. Three strikes, and she was out. There was no coming back from it now. She would be kicked out of Hogwarts and sent back home to her aunt and uncle, they would snap her wand and she would be useless, hapless, and she would never see Sirius again.

Panic wound itself around her heart, squeezing it as Emilia tried to focus on the gulps of air tearing through her throat, not wanting to even entertain the prospect of her and Sirius being forced apart; she would sooner be able to deal with muscle being torn from bone than that, than the idea of not being able to see or talk to him. She never told him about Marina because that was what she feared most - he would follow through on his promise about enacting vengeance on her behalf and then he would be removed from the school and she would be lost without him.

She had survived the better part of seventeen years without him, but that didn't mean she wanted the rest of however much time they had left to also be lacking his presence. He would never forgive her, he would hate her because she was a hypocrite and a liar and he would never talk to her again and her hands clasped together in a clammy and cloying prayer, trying to unbend the reality of her worst nightmare coming to life to no avail.

Emilia pressed her spine against the cool stone of the wall, ignoring how her breaths were too short and too shallow, an ocean in her ears that she was caught beneath the surface of. She would plead, beg McGonagall if she had to on her knees to be given another chance that was completely undeserved. She would pay any price, accept any punishment, but she couldn't - she didn't want to be expelled because then she would never see Sirius again and -

Lily occupied the space beside her and heaved a deep sigh, a groan leaving her as she nursed her broken lip, a bruise already forming on her cheek like lavender, tie askew and shirt no longer neatly tucked into her skirt. Emilia was grateful that she could not see her own reflection.

"You know," Lily began, tired and exhausted after the whole ordeal. Her knuckles were red, the skin broken apart and baubles of blood bubbling to the surface, smeared across the pale canvas of her skin as she ran a thumb over it absent-mindedly. Emilia peered up at Lily, tongue tied and in disbelief at how calm the other girl was. Lily's green eyes found Emilia's and there, in the emerald of her irises, was mirth. "To see the look that Marina had on her like that… it made whatever comes next so worth it."

Emilia gaped, blinking at such a statement, not at all what she expected from Lily Evans whatsoever; then again, Emilia had never expected Lily Evans to throw punches at the Slytherin Head Girl without a moment's hesitation. From what Emilia knew of Lily Evans and sharing a dorm with her for many years, she gave the impression of someone who adhered to school rules and was an upstanding student, every teacher's dream. But here she was, nursing a bloody fist, a split lip, and a face adorned with blooming bruises and scratch marks.

And here Emilia was, the mirror reflection of her after spending so long trying to keep her head down and skirt through her school years as a ghost.

How odd these times were.

It was so astounding to believe that Emilia couldn't smother the smile that spilled across her mouth, her brain so intensely rattled from the fight she must have lost all sense and reason.

"Did you see the way her feet went up over her head?" Emilia recalled, the adrenaline in her body bleeding away and leaving her completely and utterly spent, a shell of her former fighting self. She wanted to lay down, to sleep, to collapse to the ground and stay there for hours on end. Maybe this was all a terrible dream and she was actually still back in bed with Sirius waiting for her in the Common Room.

But everything hurt too much to be a dream.

Lily laughed, a belly-induced chime of giggles that spilled out of her, flooding the empty corridor as the memory of it all too humorous to not react to. "Do you think she swallowed the tooth that Amanda punched out?"

That's right - Amanda had punched Marina so hard in the face she not only broke the Gryffindor's nose, but also knocked her tooth out of her gums. If Marina had been anyone else on the planet, Emilia would be overwhelmed with pity but… God, she didn't even have the energy to pretend that it was anything other than satisfying, that it was good to watch Amanda Glass beat Marina into a pulp, until she was completely nothing. Emilia shrugged. "Maybe Pomfrey can fish it out of her."

"Before or after she shits it out?" Lily snorted and Emilia had to clap a hand over mouth to stop the chortle brewing in her chest from escaping, not wanting to give McGonagall any more ammunition that she could use against petitioning to expel Emilia. Remembering the reason the two of them were here, why her face hurt so much, quickly put a stop to the amusement within her, draining her of any humour as dread replaced it quickly. Lily moaned, head against the wall and eyes squeezed shut, like she was going through the same vein of thinking. "God, my parents are going to be livid."

Oh, God. If Emilia's aunt ever found out what happened…

"Do you know? What it was about?" Lily enquired, scuffing the ground with her foot, keeping her voice low lest McGonagall tear open the door and bite at the both of them to remain quiet, that this was no time for laughter and gossip as she debated their sentence for their crimes. Emilia's brows furrowed together at the question, and Lily's eyes widened briefly. "I mean, I'm not trying to say you started it, I know you wouldn't, but I just… Marina can be a bitch, but I've never even seen her talk to Amanda before."

Lily hadn't been there when Amanda let it known to everyone in the Great Hall that Marina had been harassing her cousin, her little, eleven year old cousin; Emilia hadn't even been aware that Amanda had any family in the school, but then again she had never made much effort to strike up a conversation with the Slytherin apart from the times in Potions class when Amanda would ask her a question about the assignment or if she could borrow a spare piece of paper. That was the extent of interactions, and yet today Emilia had put her entire education on the line by jumping in to help the other girl.

And, deep down inside of her beneath the brewing shame and guilt, Emilia didn't feel a trace of regret. If she had told herself back in September what was awaiting her in the future, Emilia knew she would have passed away from the shock of it all; but that was not her anymore. She mourned the girl she used to be, because at least that girl wasn't sporting a swollen cheek and a scratched brow.

Emilia swallowed thickly, shifting back and forth on her feet, wringing her hands together. There was no hiding it anymore, everything was a boiling pot spilling over and today was not the first time she had been burnt. "I think Marina is picking on Amanda's cousin."

Shock was evident on Lily's face, brows darting up in shock before instantly dripping away, a mask of disgusting washing over her that gave way to an expression of confusion.

"What, Isabella Grace? The Hufflepuff one in First Year? Why would she pick on her?" Lily wondered allowed and Emilia's features screwed up together because she knew why, she had heard it herself first hand; Emilia desperately did not want to imagine it, did not want to think about Marina corning a young child and spitting mudblood at her. It brewed a bitter taste in her mouth, an uncomfortable churning in her stomach because if she had found her backbone a little earlier than this morning, maybe she could have prevented all of this, maybe she could have stopped anyone else being subjected to such monstrosity. As Emilia was about to tell Lily, the girl shook her head and put a hand up. "Sorry. I don't know why I asked that. I know you and Marina aren't friends."

Emilia's mouth clamped shut. Coward. "That's a way to put it."

"You're right," Lily agreed, grimacing. "She deserved it. Fuck, she deserved a lot more than what Amanda did."

Emilia nodded wordlessly, not sure of what else to say beyond agreement. Her head stooped low, hair falling like a curtain at either side of her face. Emilia had dreamed of Marina being brought down from her high horse, had dreamed of the girl finally experiencing even an ounce of what she had forced Emilia to suffer through and now… it still didn't feel like enough; it was a dangerous feeling, a festering infection taking hold of her.

Unable to think of how to respond, Emilia simply moved her head up and down once more. "You can say that again."

A lapse in silence and Emilia did not know how to fill it; should she tell Lily about what Marina had said to her? Tell her why she believed Marina was picking on a child? It felt awkward to bring up now, unable to find the right words to say and she chewed on her tongue, mind searching rapidly for how to begin the story, but where to start? Today? Last week? Halloween? The first day of First Year? Lily was the same age as her, and only a student no matter what advantages she had with being Head Girl.

But there was no need because Lily cleared her throat, her pretty features screwing up as though deep in thought about something.

"You know, Emilia…" Lily began uneasily, looking at her shoes and not caring for her attire that was less than stellar and expected of a Head Girl. A mask of dismay flourished across her face, like she had run out of energy running from something that had been haunting her for so long, nipping at her heels and it now had her in its grasp. Then, green eyes landed on Emilia and Emilia couldn't remember the last time the two of them had even been so close to one another, let alone exchanged this many words before. Seven years they spent in the same House, the same classes, the same sleeping space, and yet today was a strange day where everything began to culminate. "I know this is the most we've talked since… well, ever. And I regret that. Not talking to you more, that is. I wish I had, I'm sorry for not."

That was not what Emilia had expected. Her lips parted, agape as she stared at Lily who grew increasingly bashful, sheepish beneath Emilia's gaze; where did that come from? Why would she regret not talking to Emilia? Emilia blinked, reeling from the shock of it all as she floundered trying to find a response. "It's hardly your fault."

"Maybe. Maybe it is," Lily shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself and Emilia couldn't believe that Lily Evans of all people was admitting to her that she wished she had talked to her; whatever for? It wasn't as if Emilia was much of a conversationalist, that was to say she wasn't even one at that. Maybe she was hallucinating from a concussion she had unknowingly sustained at some point during the fight because this could not be happening. A weary exhale bled out through Lily's nose, staring at the ground like she was unable to meet Emilia's curious eyes. "I was Prefect and now I'm Head Girl. I should have done something, I - I should have helped."

"Helped?" Emilia echoed, more befuddled than ever.

"We all knew in the dorm something was going on. With Marina, I mean. And back in Second Year, I should have gone to McGonagall when I first realised that she was picking on you," Lily elaborated in a thin voice, threadbare and unravelling and it was a punch to the stomach to hear her speak. Emilia wasn't stupid, she knew the other girls were able to pick up on the animosity Marina held towards her even if the girl had been sly in her actions save for that one fateful day in Second year when Lily had found Emilia weeping in the bathrooms, trying to comfort her as much as any twelve year old could.

And Emilia had snapped at Lily then, telling her to drop it and leave her alone because there was no point, it was Emilia's word against Marina's and who would have believed her? She was too sensitive, too much of a cry-baby and it would have been brushed aside as nothing more than taking a joke too seriously.

That was what she had believed.

And part of her was still stuck on that cycle of thinking; what evidence did she have? It wasn't as if Marina was going to write her a letter admitting to everything and signed with her name. It would have been useless, and only resulted in greater levels of harassment for being a grass.

Emilia ducked her head, the memory tearing open an old wound that had scarred over but the pain had never disappeared even after all this time. "I didn't want you to."

"I know. But I should have. Then maybe…" Lily trailed off, like the possibilities that she could have taken but were now out of her grasp continued to haunt her, though why that was, Emilia could not fathom. Lily blew a breath out, the gust catching on strands of her hair as she held herself tightly. "I'm sorry. For not doing anything."

Lily was sorry. Sorry.

But… whatever for?

Emilia stared at her, brain turning her words over in her mind over and over again, a broken record that scratched the inside of her mind until it was all she could hear, all that she could see; Lily Evans, apologising for her and it made no sense . Why would she be sorry? Why would she ever feel the need to apologise? It had been Emilia that day in Second Year that had told the red-head to leave her alone and not bother her, to drop the subject and not do anything, but for some reason it was Lily that was showing remorse for her actions.

How did this even come to be? It was painful trying to understand the bizarre predicament Emilia found herself in; nothing about this day was making any logical sense, and her theory of suffering from a concussion was sounding more plausible with each passing second, but when she shook her head in disagreement at Lily's words, no throbbing agony sprung forth. "I asked you to not do anything, you only did what I told you to do. It's not your fault."

Lily shifted back and forth beneath the burden she had been carrying for all these years, cheeks adorned with a hue of pink that was not due to Elissa Farthing. "Yeah, but - I don't know. All these years, and I should have done something. And I'm sorry for not."

"It's okay."

Lily peeked at her through her lashes, like she truly couldn't believe the words coming from Emilia's lips. When she spoke, she sounded so soft, delicate and so unlike the Lily Evans that Emilia thought she knew from watching from the sidelines. "Could you ever forgive me?"

It wasn't even something Emilia had to think about, save for the fact it was completely ridiculous that Lily was asking for forgiveness despite doing no wrong; but Emilia wasn't there to insist against something the other girl obviously felt so strongly about. "I do."

Lily breathed a sigh of relief, the gloomy expression of guilt washed away and she tossed Emilia a small smile of gratitude; was that all it took? Was Lily truly thankful simply because Emilia forgave her for something she didn't even do? Emilia didn't bother trying to understand it, because she knew she would be stuck here until she withered to ash and dust trying to comprehend the way the human mind worked because it would never make sense to her.

Lily brushed her hair behind her ears, eyes flashing to the closed door where the incomprehensible murmur of muffled voices came from within. "Will you tell McGonagall? About what Marina has been doing to you?"

Emilia's face pinched together, debating the question even though she already knew the truth; if she told McGonagall now, the elder witch would only see it as an excuse rather than as a long-held shameful secret, a diversion from the situation at hand instead of a cry against injustice. Emilia gave a lame lift of her shoulders. "I don't know. Is there a point?"

"Yes! I know McGonagall can be… well, McGonagall but she'll listen. And I can back you up," Lily insisted, a fire stoked within her and emerald-like irises blazing with flames, her hand reaching out to rest against Emilia's arm; Emilia nearly jolted at the contact but forced herself to remain still because it was so unexpected and she didn't want to make Lily feel weird for doing something as simple as giving a reassuring touch. But, she promptly removed her hand and appeared a bit sheepish for some peculiar reason. "That's only if you want to tell her. If you don't want to, I'll support you on that too. You don't have to say anything you don't want to."

Emilia gaped, unable to believe that Lily was going to risk it and put herself on the line to back Emilia up; why would she do that? Even though they had known each other from a distance for seven years, this was the first time they had ever started up a conversation with one another and yet… and yet Lily was ready to fight in Emilia's corner. No wonder James Potter liked the girl.

"You will?"

"Of course!" Lily said and attempted to grin but winced when the clotting blood at the cut on her lip tore apart, hand flying to her mouth and grimacing at the pain that flared up instantly. "Shit, Elissa really busted my lip up."

"You fought her off pretty well," Emilia complimented, gesturing to the bruised knuckles Lily was sporting from where she had landed a strike on Elissa's nose, breaking it upon impact. Lily sneered at the memory, brushing a thumb over her damaged skin on the back of her hands, eyeing it up and brushing away the dried blood that clung there.

"Magic is good in a fight, but if you don't have that, what then?" she muttered, more to herself than to Emilia. She glanced up and jutted her chin towards the closed door. "What do you think she's saying to McGonagall?"

She - Marina.

Emilia didn't even want to think about it, but she had a feeling that some tall tale was being spun through her broken teeth within the office to the Professor. "Probably how she's the biggest victim to ever exist."

"Ugh, you're right. God, she's such a bitch," Lily spat, glaring daggers at the slab of wood as though it were Marina herself, wishing for it to burst into flames and wilt to ash. Lily pushed herself off of the wall, tapping her fingers along the length of her crossed arms as her feet began to pace back and forth, debating internally before she turned to Emilia, trying to find an answer to an unsaid question. "What do you think we should say?"

Emilia's brows knitted together, a stab of pain darting across her face due to the skin tugging open the cut she had sustained from the tall Slytherin girl as she fought. "What do you mean?"

"You think we should tell the truth or lie?" Lily elaborated, stressing as she kept her voice low for fear that McGonagall could hear the conversation.

Emilia almost spluttered at what was being asked. Lily Evans, Head Girl, was entertaining the thought of lying to a teacher? To Professor McGonagall of all people? It was so ridiculous, not to mention she had picked the wrong person to ask such a thing to since Emilia couldn't lie to save her life. "You want to lie? To McGonagall?"

Lily appeared a bit abashed. "Maybe only a white lie."

"Elissa called you a… she called you that ," she reminded Lily, who took a second to recall it all, to remember by her lip was torn, why her knuckles were bruised and bloody, and then it clicked for her, flashing across her face. Emilia shook her head, brushing her hand through her hair and grimacing at the memory, trying not to hear the echo of Marina's own voice hissing and dripping with venom as she spat the word in Emilia's face. "I don't think lying will help. McGonagall appreciates honesty."

"She does?" Lily looked sceptical.

Emilia nodded. "She didn't give me and Sirius detention after the whole lake incident."

Lily turned her eyes away at the mere mention of last week's hot piece of discussion that was now going to be replaced once more by Emilia due to her part in everything that had transpired in the Great Hall. God, the lake incident felt an age ago, she hadn't even tried to think about it that much lest she freeze up like she was still trapped in cold waters, dragged beneath the surface and choking on water that kneaded air from her lungs. There was no point pondering over the past when the present was pressing her for her attention on more urgent matters that were currently unfolding.

"Oh. Right. That," Lily coughed, head moving absent-mindedly up and down as she kicked her shoe on the ground, the soles scraping against stone as she clasped her hands together, lacing her fingers over one another as her voice became delicate, like she was handling something delicate. "Are you okay? After that, I mean."

Was Emilia okay?

She tried not to think about it, so she couldn't say for sure if she was okay or not. Then again, anyone who jumped into Arctic temperature waters that housed a giant squid while also not being able to even swim… all signs pointed to being crazy. Emilia didn't really feel insane, but what did she know? It was hereditary, wasn't it? Her mother had been afflicted, her mind addled with the drink and the drugs, so it could have been all of that for all Emilia knew. And there was very little she knew about her mother, even before her untimely death.

Emilia recoiled at the intrusive memory and gathered it up before it could stick to her, rubbing a hand over her face and hoping she didn't appear as pallid as she feared as her face felt oddly cold. "I'm okay. Everyone thinks I'm crazy now, though."

"Fuck them. I know there's been times where I've thought about throwing myself to the squid," Lily said, snorting as she did so. It didn't do much in terms of comforting Emilia in her anxious worrying, but… but it was a nice attempt, it was nice of Lily to try and ease her even if it didn't work. Lily gave her a gentle smile, brushing her arm up against Emilia's to nudge it. "I don't think you're crazy, by the way."

"Really?"

"Of course," Lily confirmed, nodding. "I'm just glad you're okay. I didn't want to ask you before because Sirius said not to bring it up."

What?

Sirius said that? When?

Emilia racked her brain in an effort to try and remember any moment during the past week when Lily had approached them, but could not for the life of her recall anything; had she gone up to Sirius during the times where they were separated because of conflicting timetables? She had no idea, Sirius had never even mentioned anything to her, but then again he preferred not to speak about what happened at the lake as a whole, probably because he feared she might burst into tears and there would be no end in sight once she started; which was completely and utterly false, but she couldn't fault him for treading cautiously after everything she had done and been through the week prior.

He had never told her that Lily had asked him about Emilia's well-being, and Emilia couldn't really wrap her mind around why he wouldn't because it was just a simple question, no harm could come from it or from Lily Evans, for that matter. "Sirius said that?"

Lily's head moved in confirmation, humming while deep in thought, chewing on her words to see if they would sound right before speaking them, her hands moving vaguely about as though trying to pluck the correct sentence from thin air. "He's a bit… how should I say it? Protective over his friends."

That was some understatement there. Sirius always cared too much, felt too deeply, and it was so intriguing to Emilia how he simply did not wither away from the passion that he lived with in his heart, burning more brightly each and every day compared to the previous; and Emilia was as helpless as any moth that could do nothing but act on its own nature as she was drawn to him despite her early reluctance. Drawn to a flame could burn her, but she would relish in the feeling of warmth before it might happen, bathing in the glow and wishing to capture it for herself. She envied him for it, how he brought people in and managed to keep them with no effort, and wondered what it was like to be one of those people who were loved as a heart beats: without effort.

Sirius was one of them; loved and cared for without difficulty created by flaws and faults. He was simply so… perfect in the most human way a person could be. How she ever managed to not scare him off and push him away, and try she did, Emilia couldn't understand it; she rarely understood anything that Sirius did or said, but maybe she didn't need to try and comprehend his actions or his words because that's just who Sirius was without there needing to be a reason.

He would still be at the Quidditch pitch, completely unaware of everything that had happened and her face ached as an unconscious smile curved across her mouth, able to perfectly capture the image of him flying through the air, not caring his hair was a mess from the wind, covered with sweat and dirt and cheeks spotted with pink from exertion. She wondered what his reaction would be once he set eyes on her, taking notice of the bruises forming and the cuts slashed across her cheek and brow.

And here she thought she was the level-headed one. There went that title out the window.

"He is."

"He's a good friend. Sometimes an annoying prick, but a good friend," Lily said, before she scowled, whipping her head towards Emilia as a thought dawned on her. "Please don't tell him I said that, he'll never let me live it down."

Emilia didn't bother to prevent the huff of amusement that escaped her. "I promise."

"I can't let him know I think of him in any positive way."

Emilia couldn't help but laugh at the statement, the anxiety pooling in her stomach easing back ever so slightly once talk had diverted away from their impending doom and on to topics that Emilia enjoyed; strange, even though Sirius was not here, simply speaking about him made it easier to breathe, "I don't want his ego getting any bigger, I won't be able to live with him otherwise."

"He'll be devastated to find out he missed a girl fight, knowing him," Lily mused. "Usually it's him that's getting into fights."

Emilia knew of Sirius' penchant for trading blows with other students even if this year had so far had not seen much of his usual behaviour; she couldn't think of a single time where he had been in trouble or caught for fighting with others, apart from that time in the library where he had told her about the Slytherins that had murmured mudblood in her direction. He had jumped to her defence without a second thought and she had been positively beside herself with confusion and inability to know why he would take it upon himself to help her when they had barely known each other by that point.

But, after this morning, she was beginning to have an inkling.

Not out for blood, but something more intangible - justice. Or vengeance, perhaps.

"He wants to be an Auror."

"Potter too! He's so thick-headed but he's always on about justice and doing what's right," Lily griped, arms across her chest as she frowned, a dark cloud settling quickly around her, mood taking a turn for the worst as she spoke in an animated manner, growing increasingly agitated by some unseen force. "And I tell him that he shouldn't pick fights for the sake of it, but he's always so sure that he'll win them all. Doesn't matter that he might make me collapse with worry, he cares so much about doing the right thing and doesn't care about himself enough."

"Oh?" was all Emilia could think of to reply with. Her head was spinning with how much Lily was talking, trying to play catch up but she couldn't possibly keep up at the rate Lily was speaking, growing more and more agitated with each word escaping past her lips.

"It's so frustrating because if he cared half as much about himself as he did about other people he wouldn't be walking around with those broken glasses, but what do I care? If he wants to go off and get himself hurt, I don't care, truly," Lily rambled on, brows furrowed tightly together as she spoke, all of it leaving her in one breath and giving no space or time for Emilia respond even if she could, staring at the girl beside her; was she supposed to say something? What could she say? An awkward stretch ensued as Lily realised that there had been a lack of words coming from Emilia's side, eyes widening ever so slightly and her cheeks stained a bright pink colour. "I'm going to stop talking now."

She didn't see why Lily was embarrassed, if Emilia's assessment was correct. Despite her insistence, even Emilia could tell it was a lie that Lily didn't care for James; she could not understand why the other girl would lie about something as unimportant about that, not to mention to lie to Emilia of all people. Was she worried that Emilia might try to leak information back to James? That was ridiculous. "You care about him."

"What?" Lily said, taken aback by such an untoward and brazen statement, mouth parted as Emilia felt her head twitch to the side, bemused by such a reaction, even more puzzled when Lily's face exploded into an array of pink and red, wine and cherries bursting across her skin. "I mean, we're friends. Just friends, said so himself. I care about my friends. It's natural, right?"

Lily's eyes trained on Emilia expectantly and she knew there was not much else to respond with except for - "Right."

"Right!" Lily clapped her hands together, a nervous titter leaving her as she coughed, brushing hair behind her ears and feigning interest in anything other than Emilia's curious and baffled gaze; then, the red head perked up, frowning ever so slightly before she sucked in a sharp breath, reacting to something that Emilia had missed. "I heard a chair move inside. I think it's our time."

"Great. I'm so excited."

"The truth then, is it?" Lily asked, searching for confirmation even as her face took on the hue of a sickly green, nerves catching up to her as the reality settled in; Emilia wondered if this was her first time to be put in front of McGonagall, and wondered if she was feeling the same fear that Emilia had felt the first time she had got in trouble. She could barely wrap her mind around the fact she now had to say the first time, considering there was also a second and third one.

"The truth," Emilia nodded. They were in this together, whether they liked it or not. Sinking ship, and all that.

The door opened up and shadows darkened the threshold, footsteps scraping against the stone as two figures emerged, an unreadable Professor McGonagall at the entrance and stepping out was Marina, head bowed low to the ground and trembling like some water soaked kitten. Oh, for fuck's sake, there was no way she was trying to be a weakened and scared little girl after all she had done.

Emilia's glare followed the other Gryffindor who did not once meet her eyes, scurrying past her like she was frightened. Beside her, Lily gave an incredulous scoff as though she could not believe what she had also seen.

"Ms. Evans. Ms. Greene," McGonagall greeted coldly, peering down at them from the rim of her spectacles, the morning light dripping down from behind her from the classroom and cloaking her in a glow that stretched her shadow long and thin in front of them as Marina disappeared down the corridor, most likely to high tail it to the infirmary to seek aid from Madam Pomfrey.

The call of their names together made Emilia baffled as she shot a glance to Lily who appeared just as stumped as what to do, raising a finger to gesture to her chest before moving it towards Emilia, asking for clarification. "Both of us?"

"Both of you," McGonagall stressed, an edge to her voice that cut Emilia up inside, that nervous churning of her stomach worsening as she realised that her most dreaded nightmare was playing out in front of her; this was it, this was the moment and she would lose it all, she would be expelled because it was her third time this year, this semester alone, getting in trouble with the older witch. There was no room for mercy and Emilia couldn't accept it even though she knew there was no stopping it. McGonagall stepped aside, long robes whispering against the stones to make way for the two students to march to their deaths. "Inside."

Emilia soothed her racing heart, trying to stop it from bursting out of her chest as Lily moved alongside her, teeth gnawing on her lip no matter that she might break open the cut on the flesh there. McGonagall shadowed them, each click of her shoes like a knife to Emilia's stomach; it wasn't even a week ago she had been in here, dragging half the water from the lake with her and Sirius had been at her side then, but not this time. No Sirius, no gripping onto him to find a semblance of comfort or strength.

They stopped before the desk, McGonagall moving behind it, chair screeching unbearably loud against the stones as she settled down in it, light bleeding in from the windows behind her. The sight was all too familiar, and Emilia had no doubt that it was the same for McGonagall; twice in one week, and three times in total since September. Emilia's mind could not let go of that fact, replaying it over and over in circles in her mind until she spun from it.

"Take a seat, girls," Professor McGonagall said and they obeyed immediately, not wanting to upset the witch even further by not doing as they were told. Once sat, McGonagall lapsed into a suffocating and uncomfortable silence, thin lips pursed together and studying the two students that were in front of her as though wondering who would be the first sacrificial lamb. She must have decided because her gaze latched onto Lily first. "Ms. Evans, I am very disappointed in you."

Lily winced, but attempted to keep her chin up, to take responsibility and not falter before the teacher lest weakness be a disadvantage in this scenario. "I know."

"Do you? As Head Girl, you should be setting a good example for not only the other students in your House, but the entire student body," McGonagall continued on, each syllable akin to a knife that pierced through Lily, her mask of bravery falling and chipping away at facing the disappointment from the other witch. "And yet, here you are in front of me after breaking the nose of another Head Girl."

Lily frowned, wrapping her arms around herself in an effort to soothe her anxiety. "I'm sorry, Professor."

"And you, Ms. Greene," McGonagall said, all but hissing and Emilia withered beneath the old witch's piercing eyes, wanting nothing more than to disappear into the stone and grout until there was nothing left of her; this time, there was no Sirius for her to grasp on to, there was no Sirius for her to find comfort in - it was just her, only her. Her bravado from the morning had died a quick death, buried within her and making her close to spewing her breakfast right onto the Professor's desk but was prevented by only the fear of somehow managing to dig her grave even more. "Here you are once again in such a short amount of time since the school year began."

The humbling humiliation that spilled within Emilia was enough to make her close to tears, teeth slipping into the age old grooves on her tongue to stop herself from breaking down and becoming a pathetic, weeping mess in front of the teacher; there was no point of crocodile tears, nothing could help her now. Emilia dipped her head, weighed down by the shame that became too heavy to bear. "I'm sorry, Professor."

McGonagall raised a hand and briefly closed her eyes, trying to keep her control of her temper from snapping and unleashing it full force on the two of them. A calming breath later, she once more studied her gaze on the two of them, not at all attempting to hide her ire. "Save the apologies. You have the right to explain yourselves, but know that your punishment has already been decided. So, out with it. I don't have much time before class begins."

"Well, the thing is, Professor," Lily started, trying to keep her voice steady as she shifted her weight back and forth on the sturdy chair, fisting her skirt with her fingers. Emilia pretended to take a keen interest in her laces, palms slick with sweat and sliding over one another as she ignored the suffocating sensation drowning her lungs. "I don't know what Marina said to you and I don't know what started the fight but I did try breaking it up, honest."

"From where I was standing, Ms. Evans, it looked like you were ready to drag Ms. Farthing across the Great Hall by her hair," McGonagall countered in a deadpan tone.

"I know. That's because…" Lily faltered and Emilia stole a peek at her, only for Lily to already be looking at her, hesitating and searching for silent confirmation on their earlier agreement; the truth, or a lie, but why bother covering it up when word would leak and McGonagall would discover it for herself even without their help? Emilia risked a minute nod of her head, not sure why Lily was seeking her approval out of all people to continue but it emboldened her for some reason, the Gryffindor girl sucking in a breath and finding once non-existent courage to face McGonagall, not blanching one bit. "She called me a name, Professor."

McGonagall appeared even more displeased at the explanation, a thin brow twitching upwards as her lips pursed further together, dissatisfaction carved across her sharp features. "All this because of name-calling? Is that how you will lower yourself, Ms. Evans? Throwing punches over mere name-calling?"

"It wasn't just any name, Professor," Emilia attempted to clarify but was quickly shut down by the teacher as she raised a finger up, prompting Emilia to clamp her jaw shut.

"I believe Ms. Evans can speak for herself, Ms. Greene," McGonagall said, before she once more diverted her attention back to Lily, who was turning a shade akin to a ripe apple as her leg began to bounce uncharacteristically with nervousness. "Out with it, Ms. Evans."

"She… Elissa I mean, she called me…" Lily stammered, unable to get the words out. "Well, she called me… that word, Professor."

McGonagall let a sigh of exasperation bleed out through her nose, not giving any indication that she understood the scope of Lily's meaning that lay hidden beneath what she had said, hoping to not have to repeat such vulgarity in front of the older witch. "You will have to be more clear with what you mean, Ms. Evans, I am not a mind reader."

Lily gave an audible gulp, hesitating even further.

"She… she called me… a mudblood," she revealed and there was an immediate shift of atmosphere, as though a winter storm had descended upon the room and was coating them within frost, despite the fact McGonagall remained completely unmoved by the revelation given to her, no display of surprise and shock crossing her trained features. The only evidence that could be seen of her emotions was the fact her clasped together hands tightened ever so slightly, the skin over the bone turning to a pale yellow colour.

"I see," was all McGonagall responded with. It was not much to go off.

"That's why I was fighting! I - I know I shouldn't have but she had no right saying it!" Lily defended herself, gesturing to Emilia. "And Emilia, she was only trying to help me because of it! And Marina…"

"What about Ms. Teagrass?"

"She… she…" Lily trailed off and her green eyes flashed over to Emilia, searching for confirmation and silently asking her a question Emilia dreaded - will I tell her? McGonagall grew impatient as the silence waged on, gaze narrowing with each passing second and something had to be done, something had to be said.

"Marina has been bullying Amanda's younger cousin in First Year. That's why Amanda was fighting her. I heard it happen," Emilia all but blurted out.

And that was all she said.

She did not reveal all to McGonagall, whose incredulity was clear to see on her face. "Well, that is not what Ms. Teagrass said happened."

"She's a liar. And a bully. She's been picking on people, Professor," Emilia continued, ignoring the weight of Lily's eyes on her as she refused to reveal that she was one of those people that Marina had been bullying. There was a voice in the back of her mind whispering at her, telling her that there was no point to it because there never was any justice, there never was any hope for people like Emilia in a system that never benefited her.

"And why is it that this has not been brought to my attention before today?" McGonagall prodded and it was only the natural follow up question; no doubt the witch was thinking how coincidental that on the same day of Marina getting her ass kicked, making her a victim in a beating, that it would come out she was actually a bully and merely suffering the consequences of her actions for choosing the wrong person to pick on.

Emilia's face darkened, disliking that train of thought, a slither of apprehension crawling up her spine at the implication that padded McGonagall's words. "Because she would have denied it. There was no evidence."

"We take such accusations very seriously, Ms. Greene, based on evidence or no," McGonagall responded, but Emilia didn't believe her nor did it bring her any ease or comfort. In their eyes, no right would ever make a right so what was the point in fighting back if whatever was done was going to be punished just as badly as the real instigator? McGonagall relaxed, leaning back into her seat ever so slightly as she deliberated over the new pieces of information given to her. "I will discuss the actions of Ms. Farthing with Professor Slughorn. As for Ms. Teagrass, I will investigate the claims of her harassment towards other students."

"We're telling the truth! There were other people that heard it all happen, Professor!" Lily insisted, face like thunder at McGonagall's words. Emilia kept her mouth shut, a void in her chest that ate up whatever hopes she might have had; what did she expect? It wasn't like McGonagall was going to accept their word at face value even if it was the truth. What did the truth matter anyways? This is what she expected would happen, wasn't it? She knew it in the depths of her mind, she knew it in the marrow of her bones that this was how it was done even if Lily didn't.

What was the point of even trying? Innocent until proven guilty, lies until proven true. That's all it was. And right now, standing before McGonagall and caught beneath her piercing eyes, Emilia was nothing more than a liar.

"As I said, Ms. Evans, these allegations are very serious and due punishment will be decided," McGonagall reiterated, forcing Lily to hold her tongue even as her fists trembled at her side. Emilia should have expected it, this was what she always feared, was it not? Even with Lily Evans at her side, Head Girl and the picture perfect reference for what a student and a wizard should be, McGonagall was neither eager nor keen to believe them. What hope did Emilia ever have? She wouldn't be able to deal with the distress and mortification if she had told McGonagall that she had been Marina's first and favourite victim. McGonagall clasped her hands together and drew breath, waving a hand at the both of them. "Go to the Infirmary so that Madam Pomfrey can see to your injuries."

Both Lily and Emilia traded glances with one another, hesitating to comply with the witch's orders; it couldn't be that easy… could it? Lily turned back to McGonagall, waiting for the rug to be pulled from beneath her. "What about our punishment?"

"Are you so eager to receive the consequences of your actions, Ms. Evans, while your lip is still bleeding profusely?" McGonagall snipped with a quirked brow.

Lily shook her head profusely, cheeks flushing a deep wine colour in embarrassment. "No, Professor."

"Then leave, both of you. Return by tomorrow morning for your punishment."

The two of them scuttled out of the office, not wanting to linger for a moment longer than necessary lest McGonagall decide to change her mind and have them both removed from the school grounds on the spot. The door closed behind them and Emilia went slack against the wall beside it, in complete denial that that was all that happened - shooed away with the promise of punishment by the next morning, and nothing else. It was unbelievable, was it a test?

A joke? No, McGonagall looked like she never laughed before a day in her life.

Lily wheezed, out of breath as though she had run a marathon. "Well. It went better than we expected."

"We still got in trouble," Emilia reminded even if she silently also knew that this was the best case scenario; while the nature of the punishment was unknown to the both of them, it didn't bring that gut-wrenching sensation as it might have once before.

"That's a given. At least we weren't expelled," Lily breathed, clasping a hand over her heart, a sentiment Emilia agreed with. No expulsion was the only outcome that brought relief, any other punishment was easy to accept compared to what could have happened; to think, only a few months the idea of detention would have sent her in a downward spiral, and now here she was all but grateful that detention was all that was on the table. How times, how she, have changed. Lily stretched her arms and without much ceremony, stepped closer and looped her arm through Emilia's, stunning her for a moment as she was guided back down the corridor; if anyone had been walking through, they would have thought of the two of them as being two best friends giggling and gossiping with one another. "Come on, let's go to the Infirmary. Here's hoping the others aren't there, otherwise I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from starting round two."

Emilia recollected herself, glancing at the arm around hers and, once she might have shook herself free from it but when she looked up to see a smile gracing Lily's bloodied lips, it didn't bring the discomfort she had once thought was natural to her as breathing was. It was different, different to when Sirius would wrap his arm around her, but this… it was a good different; it didn't make her skin itch uncomfortably, didn't make her want to jump out of her body and make a run for it down the halls.

It truly was an odd day.

Unconsciously, Emilia's arm tightened around Lily's, the connection knotting stronger and becoming inseparable. "We could make it a team effort."

Lily grinned and the air of mischief was apparent as she gave a waggle of her perfectly shaped brows. "The two of us teamed up? Two muggle-borns against them assholes… Madam Pomfrey would really be putting her skills to test."

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i want it to be known that a year hiatus could be worse, i could have succeeded in kms which would have resulted in this fic NEVER being updated but i DIDNT so no one can be mean to me pls

anyways, hi hello. Sorry if this is a weird chapter in terms of writing? I'm trying to get back into Emilia's head once again and i feel like idk it's so strange after all this time. idk sorry if this chapter feels off in terms of characters or anything, i think i just dont know how to write anymore. since moving to a different country and working a new job, i have no free time bc i work 6 days a week until 9pm some nights, and i spend my only day off sleeping and doing nothing. i havent had energy to write. but blah WHATEVS

this chapter is almost 21k, and the following chapters are prolly gonna b the same. I have the next 5 chapters either finished but in need of editing, or they're in rough draft form. again, i work 6 days a week and it will be difficult to find time to proofread the next 5 chapters, but i will make a conscious effort if that counts for smth

Song of choice while writing: tongue tied by grouplove

Thanks for reading!