Thanks, as always for reading and reviewing. My abusive anonymous reviewer has now gone racist! Guess they decided they can sink lower... But I appreciate so much those of you who take the time to leave thoughtful, intelligent reviews!

Shaken Up

Tricia and I enjoyed the movie immensely. We had gone to see the new James Bond movie, Goldeneye, and I thought Pierce Brosnan made a great Bond. The movie was exciting, but as we left, I couldn't help thinking about the guys and what they had been doing tonight. I wondered if they had had any luck finding Berghofer, and I hoped they had all been safe in that seedy dive of a bar. I could see Tricia's thoughts drifting the same way, no doubt worried about Bobby, and we were both happy to call it an early night to head home.

I walked into my apartment and flopped onto the couch. I turned on the TV more for company and noise than any desire to watch, and sat for a while, sipping at a soda I had found in my fridge. I was startled to hear my phone ring, and I looked at it anxiously, wondering if it was Lester, but saw instead it was Carlos. I answered with a smile, "Yo!"

He chuckled, "That's my line, Babe." I laughed as well in answer.

"I stole it. How has your day been, Carlos?"

"Good, Babe. We picked up one of Lester's skips he handed over. What about you?"

"I think we have a lead on Turnbull and Morrison. And of course, I haven't heard if the guys found anything about Berghofer tonight."

"What's the lead on Turnbull and Morrison? Lester didn't say anything when I spoke to him earlier."

I hesitated, I hadn't meant to say anything yet about my afternoon's activities, and I was worried Carlos would be annoyed with me. But I decided there was no point in trying to hide anything, he was going to know soon enough. I still spoke cautiously, "Well, I didn't have anything else on this afternoon, and I knew the guys were busy, so I rented an old car and went to stake out the warehouse for a few hours."

"On your own?" Carlos' voice came through sharply. "Babe, you know we didn't want you there without backup. These men are very dangerous."

"I was in a car with the binoculars, Carlos. I just observed for a few hours. Anyway," I went on quickly, before he could object again, "I saw a roller door go up and down. I didn't have a good position from where I was, so I moved the car, and a while later, I saw a man come up, knock on the roller door, and go inside after it rolled up a bit. I walked up the street but didn't go into the yard." I heard him sigh, but I continued, "I went back and changed back to my car in case they had seen me. I also bought a disposable camera and took it back. It paid off!" I said excitedly.

"What do you mean?" Carlos asked.

"Well, a while later, I saw two men leaving together and I took lots of photos. I don't know if we'll be able to see their faces really clearly in the photos, but I'll pick them up tomorrow. They're being developed. Plus, I know how they're going in and out, and Les and the guys should be able to pick them up easily if it is the pair." I added in justification of my actions.

"You just took photos? From the car?" Carlos asked neutrally.

I hesitated again, "Well, I got out after they left and went into the yard." I heard Carlos sharp intake of breath. "I wanted to test if the roller door was unlocked, which it was, and I took a couple more photos of the door up close," I finished.

I heard him let the breath out, before he said resignedly, "Ok. I still don't like it you were there alone, but it sounds like you did good surveillance, Babe. Good thinking on the photos. You'll have to let me know tomorrow if you got any confirmation shots of their faces."

I breathed a silent sigh of relief that he had accepted my story. It was mostly true, just not quite complete… I felt guilty at the omission of the rest that I had done, but I didn't want him to worry about me or get angry with me. I said, "I'll pick up the photos on the way into the office tomorrow. Have you heard from Lester? Did they find anything?" I asked, changing the subject.

"No news yet," came the reply, "Probably still at the bar. Lester probably won't contact either of us tonight unless they actually find Berghofer. He'll be able to catch us both up tomorrow morning."

I murmured agreement, and we went on to talk about more personal things for twenty minutes and ended with our usual greetings of missing each other. It was after eleven, and I decided to get ready and go to bed. Carlos was right, we probably wouldn't hear from Lester tonight.

The next morning, I picked up the photos and a box of donuts, before heading into the office. It was Saturday, but I knew we would probably be working most of the weekend to catch these FTAs. When I got to the office, Lester was already there, and I greeted him cheerfully and made us a pot of coffee. We both snagged a donut and a coffee, and we went into Carlos' office to talk.

"Did you have any luck last night?" I asked, burning with curiosity.

"Yes, I think so," Les answered. "We had been there an hour or so, just trying to be casual while we asked around, when Brad Colbourn walked in."

"Colbourn? The friend who his ex-girlfriend mentioned?" I asked excitedly.

"Yeah. So, Bobby and I moved near him, and we ended up chatting with him for a while, bought him a beer. Just chatting. But he slipped up. At one point, he said something about 'Don told me…' and it was about something that happened yesterday. So, I'm pretty sure he's in contact. We're going to have to try to figure out a way to tail him as well as stakeout the warehouse."

Before I could chime in to tell him about my own stakeout, the office phone rang. I picked it up, and it was Carlos. I greeted him, and told him I was meeting with Lester, so I put the call on speakerphone. After greetings, Lester went on to fill Carlos in on what he told me, while I went to grab us both another coffee and bring in the box of donuts. What Carlos didn't know, or couldn't see, wouldn't hurt me!

Carlos was pleased that we had a solid lead on Berghofer, but before they could begin talking about tailing him, Carlos asked, "Have you got the photos, Babe?"

"Photos? What photos?" Lester was puzzled.

I said, "I didn't have time to tell you yet, but I staked out the warehouse yesterday afternoon." A dark frown crossed his face, and I went on hastily, "I saw someone using one of the roller doors to go in and out, so I went and got a disposable camera. I waited and managed to get photos of two men coming out of the roller door – they were rolling underneath it only partly open – and walking up the street. I haven't had a chance to check them out yet. I don't know if I caught their faces clearly."

I went into my office area to pull the photo envelope out of my bag. I came back in to Carlos explaining I had told him last night. Lester's face had cleared somewhat, but he still didn't look entirely happy at my initiative. I ignored that and started to spread the photos out on the desk for Lester and me to examine, while explaining to Carlos what each of them showed. The quality wasn't great, but they were fairly clear, and we could see the men's figures. There were no clear shots of the faces, but a couple of profile pictures that indicated that they were the right general age, height, weight, and coloring to be Morrison and Turnbull.

I thought, between the men's connection to the warehouse, their obvious stealth and evasion, and the pictures, that it was pretty likely we had found the men. Carlos and Lester cautiously agreed. We decided the stakeout today would start with someone armed with a better camera that could take close-up shots. I told Lester about the rental agency where I had been able to hire an older car, and he seemed somewhat impressed with that. We agreed that it would be better to try to have two people staking out the warehouse, now we were more confident it was the right place. One would be in a nondescript car, and Lester was going to try and find somewhere in a nearby building with a view into the yard of the warehouse.

Lester left to go and buy some camera equipment and pick up Bobby for the first surveillance shift. I agreed that I would start pulling together research on Berghofer's friend to help with tracking and tailing him. Carlos was about to finish up our call, when he added, "Babe, Santos mentioned about you needing a credit card. I agreed and contacted the bank Rangeman uses. They have a branch in Trenton, so I'm going to fax through the authorization paperwork, and you'll be able to call them and go and pick it up when its ready." I agreed and waited on the fax to come through before I left to go and check out Colbourn's current address.

I spent a couple of hours checking out Colbourn's current address, work, and family and went back to the office to type it up for the guys. After that, I spent an hour or so updating paperwork for the building purchase, before leaving to meet with an inspector who was going to check out the elevator. As I walked into the building on Haywood Street with the estate agent, I felt a thrill of excitement that we were getting closer to the business every day.

The agent, Mr Morieti, and I waited about ten minutes for the inspector to arrive. He finally did, late and flustered, but hurried into the building carrying a tool bag. As I stood, watching the inspector open the doors to the elevator on the basement floor, and seeing the mechanics of the elevator exposed, I felt a rush of dizziness sweep over me and had to excuse myself. I walked back up the stairs to the ground floor and sat on a discarded chair to wait.

I felt like I had mostly recovered from the incident with the elevator in Newark. I could use elevators again, mostly without thinking. I had become accustomed to using the stairs in my apartment building, but I told myself that was more about exercise than fear. And I had used the elevator a couple of times when I was wearing heels. I think it was just seeing the underbelly of the elevator, knowing that it had fallen into that in Newark less than an hour after I had been lying on the floor. It made me feel again the fear, shock, and numbness that I had felt that day.

When the men came back up after the inspection, I made some excuse about not having eaten breakfast and they accepted this. The inspector gave his report. He said the elevator was functional, but he recommended replacing it, as the mechanical components were getting worn and aging. I repressed a shudder. I hoped Carlos would agree to replace it. Mr Morieti told me he would talk to the building owners about what they could offer to offset the cost of replacing the elevator.

We all shook hands, and I left to drive back to the office. I stopped by Pino's since it was more or less in between the two places. Well, probably a bit less, but hey, it was close enough! Anyway, I needed some comfort food. I picked up a meatball sub for me, and a salad and pizza to put in the fridge if any of the guys came back for lunch.

When I arrived back at the office, Lester was working at Carlos' desk. He told me Bobby and Hector were still at the stakeout, and he would be going back at four to relieve Bobby. Hector and he would be there until eight. They had set up some discreet cameras on the building and yard, with sensors that would record if motion triggered. We hoped that would be enough for night surveillance for now. If we could establish a pattern, then the boys could set up a capture operation.

I suggested Lester join me for lunch since I had brought the pizza and salad and he came out to sit with me at the casual seating. I took some salad too, since I felt guilty just eating the sub, while Lester was eating the rabbit food with his pizza. I had eaten more than half my sub before I realised that Lester seemed a bit subdued and sombre.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Lester hesitated, then spoke, "Steph, why did you go there alone yesterday? You know we didn't want you to be there alone. None of us are doing this surveillance alone. These men are dangerous, and I don't know if you realise how much."

I was a little taken aback, and spoke up to defend myself, "Les, I didn't do anything really dangerous! I was just watching the building from my car." He shot me a sceptical look.

"No, Steph, you weren't. Your photos show that. You were at that building, at the door, when you didn't know if the men were coming back any second. You didn't have anyone there as lookout for you. You didn't have anyone there to back you up if they had surprised you. Nobody even knew you were there, so we wouldn't have even known where to look for you." I felt a wave of guilt. Everything he was saying was true, as I had realised myself. "It's just lucky you didn't try going inside on your own. That would have been extremely foolish to put yourself in danger like that."

I flushed deeply and looked down at my lap. Did he know?

"Oh my GOD!" he shouted suddenly. "You DID! Didn't you? You actually went into that building on your own! Stephanie, what the hell were you thinking?!"

I slowly looked up at him, my cheeks burning in shame and distress at his anger, "I'm sorry Lester. I truly am! I was pissed that I thought you guys didn't think I was capable, so I went to the building to do the surveillance. But I did think it through!I rented the car and bought the camera. I just got carried away, I guess. I was so excited when I saw the men going in and out. I felt like I'd made a breakthrough. I tested the roller door to see if it was locked. Then I went underneath, like the men did. I stood there, looking around and then I realised how stupid and thoughtless I was being. How dangerous it was, and not really accomplishing anything. So, I turned around and left straight away. I promise I did! I was only there for maybe a minute before I left. I knew I was taking too big a risk!"

My voice dropped to almost a whisper, "I knew Carlos would not want me there, and how upset you both would be if I got hurt. I realised I wanted to be with Carlos more than I wanted to be brave and stubborn." A tear trickled down my cheek.

Lester looked at me for about two minutes before he took a deep breath and expelled it noisily. "Ok, Steph, I believe you. Please don't do anything like that again. We have procedures in place for a reason. Surveillance alone is always a risk, but there are ways to make it safer. Stay at a distance, use equipment, be armed and ready to defend yourself. Always tell someone where you are and have a way to call for help if you need it. If you follow those rules, we can trust you to help with the skip tracing. If you won't follow those rules, we can't," he ended harshly.

I nodded miserably. "Please don't tell Carlos," I begged. "I don't want him to know I went into the building. I know it was a mistake and I won't do it again. He's trying to get healthy again to have a relationship with me. I don't want him to think I'm not worth it." I was almost sobbing as I begged Lester.

He sighed heavily, "Stephanie, of course you're worth it. You're worth more than that. Never think otherwise. Ranger is the moron who couldn't see that for a while." He paused and then said, "Ok, I'll agree not to tell Ranger on two conditions." I looked up again and waited.

"First, you promise me you will never take a stupid risk like that one again. If you can't have backup with you, you'll follow the rules I told you." He waited while I nodded, but just raised an eyebrow, "I need your promise, Stephanie."

I rolled my eyes, but his expression didn't soften. With a brief sigh, I agreed, "I promise. If I am on surveillance alone, I'll follow the rules."

He nodded and continued, "Second, you agree to learn to use a gun, and you agree to carry it while you're in the field." He must have seen my eyes widen in horror, and I may have even begun to shake my head. I hate guns! But his voice was harsh, "That's my condition, Stephanie. If you don't want me to tell Ranger, they're my conditions."

I looked down, feeling hassled and resentful. I felt like I was being blackmailed. I sat stewing while Lester waited, and I glanced up slightly, noting the gun at his hip. I remembered watching Carlos arm himself before going out. I remembered the other times I had seen Lester armed. I even remembered telling Bobby that being qualified with weapons was part of his employment with Rangeman. And I knew I was being stubborn and stupid again. This was the world and the work I was getting into. If I didn't want it, I would either have to work only in the administrative side of Rangeman or find another job. I didn't really want to do either of those things. I liked the thrill I felt working in the field with Carlos and Lester and the other guys. I didn't want to be stuck in the office fulltime and I didn't want to work anywhere else.

Finally, I looked up and told Lester, "Ok. I agree, I promise. But I'll only carry the gun once I've learned to use it, and I'll only carry it when I'm working in the field. I don't want to shoot myself in the foot, or worse, shoot someone else by accident."

He smiled for the first time since this morning, "No problem. Meanwhile, you just can carry your other defensive weapons if you stay in your car and follow the other rules." I nodded again. "Good. Deal." He held out a hand and I shook it ruefully. Still holding my hand, he stood, drawing me up with him and pulled me into a gentle hug. "Carlos is a lucky man," he murmured softly, "and you're worth every bit of effort he makes." He kissed me on my forehead and drew away to go back to work.

That night, I sat, waiting for Carlos to call me. I was nervous about talking to him, not wanting to give myself away like I had with Lester. But when he called, we chatted easily about other things, and I relaxed gradually. I told him about the building and the elevator, and the recommendation it be replaced. I even mentioned feeling dizzy when I saw the mechanics at the bottom of the elevator shaft.

"Babe," came his immediate reply, "You know I won't take any chances. I'll be installing the most modern, high-quality elevator, no matter the cost. And I'd probably have felt a bit queasy seeing that too. It's just a natural reaction. A mild form of PTSD or perhaps just adjustment disorder."

"What's adjustment disorder?" I asked, puzzled.

"It's a milder disorder than PTSD. PTSD is a severe mental disorder and tends to be rarer than people think. With adjustment disorder, it is less severe; you have a trigger, a stressor, and when faced with that stressor, your reaction is more extreme than other people's reactions, because you've been through a traumatic event. But you don't have all the other symptoms."

I agreed that sounded like my reaction. "Thank you, Carlos. Knowing you'll make that elevator the best it can be means a lot to me. I love you." I inhaled sharply at that. That had just come out. We had not really said the 'I love you' thing before. It had been implied, but not explicitly stated.

I held my breath, waiting on his reaction. There was only a momentary pause, before he said, "I love you too, Babe. Always." My heart swelled and involuntary tears rolled down my cheeks. I wanted so much to hold him, kiss him, love him in that moment. It sucked that we were separated. But he loved me, and I loved him, and that was still a momentous thing.

We murmured loving goodbyes before heading to bed. Though, still wishing I could hold him, I slept well, feeling the glow in my heart.

Aww, it's wuv. Twu wuv! :) Please review if you can.