Chapter 30: Enzan's wish, Yuichiro's wish, Rockman's wish
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The summer reached its peak, and it turned out to be the worst summer ACDC had ever seen in one-hundred years. Sultry nights; absence of the sun was no salvation, for the air remained heated and suffocating. High humidity; shades of trees did not offer any protection during the day, for the heat conducted very well through water vapors and therefore became omnipresent. Haze rose without fail on all asphalt surfaces like the fingertips of hell (what an irony that the hellfire came from above, not below!). The government broadcasted daily heat wave warnings followed by heat-stroke incidence rates. Farmers lamented over their withering plants; media cluelessly speculated that this year's summer fruits would be particularly sweet and refreshing, ripened under the strength of the sun and deprived of the rain that diluted brix levels.
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It is no surprise then that when Enzan came to Yuichiro he was drenched in sweat from head to toe-
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"It's water, mind you. Sorry that I am late." Enzan corrected.
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"I don't mind at all! Glad you have come. Here, take this-" Yuichiro returned, handing over a towel to the officer. "So, what happened?"
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"It's…complicated. A balloon, a girl, a fountain… I tripped."
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Enzan roughed his hair with the towel and sat on his customary chair by the coffee table. Water oozed out of the compressed clothes.
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"Well, things happen, officer! Life is mysterious like that. But I have to ask—were you able to retrieve the balloon for the girl?"
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"…No." Enzan squinted, his mind already traveling back in time. "The girl remained crying, and I had to leave her like that. There was nothing more I could do. Her mother probably did something about it. I hope."
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Enzan remembered the dangerously thin wrists of the girl as well as her hair which was sparse and brittle, showing signs of chronic malnutrition. Enzan also remembered the worn-out clothes of the girl's mother and her lightless eyes. It was a struggling family; the girl probably did not get a second balloon. So it was like this: a girl's special day was ruined, and he could not save it. He could save many things, but something as trivial as a balloon was out of his reach. He felt immeasurably incapable. Thinking about it tightened his heart a bit, in part due to unresolved sympathy, in part due to disappointment in himself.
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"We can hope, officer. How can I help you today?"
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"…I should have bought a new balloon and then gave it to her. But I could not find any vendor nearby… I should not have given up. I should've found one somewhere, somehow… Doctor, it is these little things that bring me the greatest regrets and pettiest insomnia."
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"…You want to talk about it?"
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"…No. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'll forget about it soon enough."
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Yuichiro could see that the officer would not forget about it anytime soon.
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What Enzan proceeded to tell and show was as igniting as the weather outside. After being robbed of his rightful recognition for locating the WWW base, Enzan did not challenge the chief of his department nor his criminally complicit coworkers. Instead, he took a more convoluted, nefarious, surreptitious, and difficult path that required perfect coordination of his schedules and several brave decisive actions. It happened that there was some data salvaged from the ruins of the WWW base; reports testified that in the midst of the collapsed floors was a computer standing, somehow unscathed, only covered in light dust from broken concretes, as if protected by some divine force, defying all probabilities or common expectations—a true miracle. The contents of this computer turned out to be as mysterious and incomprehensible as the condition in which it was discovered. What investigators had found were nonsensically simplistic lines of codes as well as impossible drabbles about 'bloodsuckers,' 'blessings,' and 'god,' that they at first read with great interest, only to end up surrendering the files to the police archives, unable to gather anything meaningful to their questions. Such dismissal was a rational course of action for the normal and blind. Without experience or knowledge—how to make sense of any of them? Enzan was not blind. He found those words familiar. He understood their implications. Enzan, therefore, used his to extract from the archive all WWW-related files, erased all of their traces from the list, and then kept them himself, denying the traitorous netpolice any trophies of substance.
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"Quite a determination you have there, Ijuiin kun! Impressive! Never thought you had it in you! I am also flattered that you have brought this matter to me, but please know that I am no longer investigating this…phenomenon. I've had enough. I have washed my hands, for me, for Saito, for everyone-"
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"Impossible." Enzan cut off in the driest tone.
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"It is true, officer."
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"Doctor, you claim to have under control your own curiosity. You fool yourself. It is impossible—you are addicted to it. And the end of all addiction is always the same: the addicted come back, crawling, saying 'Sorry! Sorry! I will never leave you again!,' regretting that he had left, only to regret his return also. Then, what's the point of pretending? Let us just look into what WWW has been doing and gain some insight into this god ourselves, lest WWW do, next time-"
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"Ijuiin kun, I can't! I shouldn't! This is all beyond me! I really-"
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Enzan shrugged.
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"Very well, you don't have to try so hard. I'll pretend to believe you. Whatever. What I am going to do does not change." Enzan took out a data chip from his pocket and flicked it onto the table. He continued, "Here it is, all of what was found in that sole surviving WWW computer. Do what you want, do what you will. I don't have a copy. If you destroy it, then that must be how things should be. In that case…I won't mind. However, if you choose to investigate it…"
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Enzan checked Yuichiro. The doctor's eyes were undoubtedly fixed on the chip. Enzan could see the man's brain drooling with a great appetite for mystery like a dog waiting for food.
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"…Well, doctor, it is already clear to me what is going to happen next. It seems that it is clear to you as well."
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"Ijuiin kun-"
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"Hush!"
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"But-"
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"Be quiet! Hush! Words mean nothing! Especially when the fatal curiosity is all over your face!"
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Enzan deliciously observed the hellish struggles manifesting on Yuichiro's face. It meant that the doctor would succumb and that he would gain what he desired.
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"…Officer, why? Why do you insist? What do you possibly hope to gain from this?"
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"Knowledge of arcane, of course."
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"Most dangerous desire! But even then, what for?"
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"Because it is how things must be. It is the responsibility of mankind to eat from the fruit of knowledge and then be expelled from the Garden of Eden. It is our responsibility, since this knowledge is within our reach, to learn and to lose the status quo, regardless of whether it is for the better or worse for all."
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Yuichiro, terribly surprised, rapidly replied,
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"Nonsense! Excuses and lies to yourself! Officer Ijuiin, it seems to me that you are singularly dissatisfied with your current life, with this society, with this world, and is hoping to use this 'god of navis' to destructively disrupt everything! Just to quench your petty needs! Just to see others suffer for the suffering's sake!"
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"I am not an anarchist or a terrorist, mind you."
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Enzan said with certain guilt on his face; Yuichiro saw that Enzan was on the verge of embracing one of such destructive philosophies. Through the science of deduction, Yuichiro then concluded that Enzan must be transforming due to being subjected to some injustice or series of injustices that his soul could not endure any longer, and from this conclusion followed the epiphany of what Enzan must be truly planning.
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"Of course! You don't seek total annihilation, that is obvious… If you wanted that, then there are certainly better options, especially since you have me to consult. In other words, you simply want disruption just large enough to bring some justice to this wicked world, to topple those who sit on the high places, but not enough to ruin this world… You see Sodom and Gomorrah in the world, but you think, in the fire, the world will repent like Nineveh before Jonah! You are trying to cure the world with poison!"
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"And you are going to help me achieve it. You desire justice also, do you not?"
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"Officer! You have already seen all of my research notes! You don't seek justice from, from, from-" Yuichiro frantically gesticulated trying to find the right word, "-this demon! That clearly cannot be the solution!"
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"Maybe. But you won't be able to stop yourself from helping me. You are going to crack open that WWW data and find something useful. I am sure of it."
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"You- you believe we can control the magnitude of whatever disaster this demon will bring?!"
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"With enough knowledge, there is nothing that cannot be controlled. As long as we learn about it sufficiently, which you will do no doubt given enough resources-"
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Yuichiro did not tolerate the ambitious foolishness of the officer further. Sure, there was undeniable allure in that argument, for no one hates justice other than those beyond redemption. Thus, for a moment, Yuichiro almost agreed… He stood up from the chair, pointed at the door, and then sternly, but loudly, said,
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"Out! Out! Officer, you are out of your mind! You must first take some rest and then we must discuss this matter when the sanity is restored to you!"
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Enzan obeyed but did not do so because he was affected or persuaded into shame, as evidenced by his dignified posture and disciplined gait. When the officer reached the door, he said,
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"If you do what you have to do, if you decide what you will decide, and if we have not yet become enemies by then…please be kind and let me know what you have found, yeah?"
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And in this way, the meeting was adjourned. It was an exchange with a bitter aftertaste, but participants left with fear instead of indignation. Each found it alarming how the other read him so well; each found it terrible how the other was right about many things. Yuichiro observed the chip on the table. The power he had over the world at this moment was dazzlingly sweet: break it, and the world would be at peace for a few more generations; open it, and the world would face the reckoning in his lifetime. The balance between self-control and indulgence was broken when Yuichiro was softly tempted by this whisper from his dysfunctioning rationality,
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'Open it. Is it not better to study this devil and be prepared, so that Saito can be better protected?'
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Was it for Saito? Was it out of curiosity? Was it for the world? The answers to these questions are irrelevant. Enzan predicted rightly; Yuichiro ended up investigating the data chip.
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What Yuichiro found inside the chip was half the code of the D-Area. Based on his previous experiences, doctor was able to vaguely suspect that the code was an incomplete one, but the code was extremely 'crude' and it was impossible to extrapolate what the missing parts could be.
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The fact that Yuichiro could see some definite effects when he applied it to a handful of procured netnavis only added to his confusion. Because the code carried out some effects, it seemed that the code was a complete one; however, it as a whole had unresolved arguments… To even hypothesize what he was missing was beyond his power. The code had every marking as the work of the god (or an archdemon according to Yuichiro), and he knew it was a fruitless effort to guess anything when this god was involved.
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Ah, readers, I can already see the impatience. So what was the effect of this code, the spell from beyond the veil? Well, the code, being only half complete, only exerted half of its original effects, as well as having half of the restrictions. What originally had the power to materialize a netnavi only granted a hologram—a visual interference without the ability to interact. Therefore, it could be said that the half—the physical part—of the effect was gone. In terms of the restraints, the original D-Area required the navis to be 'blessed' with the boiling blood of the hideous light in addition to requiring an enormous amount of electrical power; the half D-Area worked on unenlightened netnavis, only consumed energy that was about three times that of the largest refrigerator on the market, and if the hologram output was limited to the size of an adult hand with low resolution, then it could be supported by the PET battery for several hours. Of course, Yuichiro did not know anything about the original D-Area nor what Wily had observed through it, and instead only marveled at the hologram, how benign it was contrary to his expectations, and how useful it would be to society. Thus, Yuichiro concluded,
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'The permeation into the society must be what it is about. No one will be able to resist this innovation. Then, when everyone gets used to this technology, someone will surely receive the next part and update this code- who knows what will happen then? What kind of calamity will sweep us? The world will end in an instant. We have no control over this code. There won't be any control over the magnitude of the disaster.'
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However, whenever Yuichiro saw, as part of his experiment, the subject netnavi entering the world as a life-sized hologram, he imagined Rockman—Saito—in its stead and found his heart quickening. The excitement of the possibility was impossible to contain. Just imagine- the power! The dream! The restoration! The mystery! All thoughts braided harmoniously to create the most intoxicating thread of desire.
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"You have not used it on a custom netnavi. We all know that the complexity of the netnavi build is an important factor when it comes to the things originating from this god. Come, let us test it on . And then you can judge for yourself. We already know that it is 99% likely to be benign to Rockman."
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Was what Enzan proposed to Yuichiro in their next meeting. The officer knew that Yuichiro simply needed a practical excuse to proceed with his findings, and provided just such an excuse.
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"You jest! You know very well that Rockman has installed and that we cannot safely extrapolate any result we see onto him! This is bordering on malicious negligence-" Yuichiro sat back and his right hand trembled. Was the agitation out of excitement or irritation?
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"Well, what is there to worry? We shall only test it on Blues, and I'll see what it can do or cannot do in everyday settings. I know Netto will see it, and that he will want it. But I agree with you in this matter. Don't worry, I won't give it to him." Enzan declared.
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"Is that a promise?"
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"Promise."
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"Truly? With your life?"
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"Truly."
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"Bah!" Yuichiro shook his head.
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"Don't be! I shall hold onto it as my own life until you give me the word!"
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"As if!"
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"Truly!"
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"As if the promise of men can be trusted!"
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"By my life, you can trust me! Yuichiro, what will it take for you to believe me?"
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Enzan said while tapping the floor with his foot—the mark of profound impatience.
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Yuichiro knew that should he accept Enzan's suggestion, then Rockman would inevitably receive the hologram code without his consent. Enzan, he reasoned, in his pursuit of knowledge, would not be able to pass the opportunity to observe in what ways Rockman was different from others. Yuichiro also knew that Enzan, not willing to completely lose the cooperative relationship, would design a situation such that the passing of the hologram code would be done as either an 'accident' or a forced necessity. Knowing all these full well, Yuichiro handed over the code. Between the ethical hesitation to deliver it to Rockman himself and the incessant desire to be one step closer to the complete return of his son, the indirect approach fit his timidity perfectly.
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Things unfolded almost exactly as Yuichiro predicted. While Enzan kept the promise and did not surrender the code to Netto, Yuichiro was eventually pushed into such a situation that he was forced to agree to install it himself on Rockman, which was done in the scientist's office ten days later. The result: Rockman entered the world as a specter, finally one step closer to Netto, one step closer to his treasure, one step closer to his reason, one step closer- …Well, the list of implications goes on, and it is almost impossible to type out all of them.
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It is equally impossible to describe accurately what Netto exactly was to Rockman at this point in time, but one thing is clear: the affection was the purest one, and this affection drove Rockman towards only one outcome: to be closer.
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"Rockman!" exclaimed Netto, incredulous, heart bursting with happiness. He spread his arms wide.
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"Netto kun!" exclaimed Rockman, incredulous, 'heart' bursting with happiness. He spread his arms wide.
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Hikari brothers ran-, no, almost jumped at each other before the observers—Enzan and Yuichiro—could issue a warning. To be exact, the earnestness and joy they expressed were so blinding that the observers were completely stunned, unable to stop them in time. As Enzan saw it, it was an indescribably beautiful sight, evoking a kind of repulsion. As Yuichiro saw it, it was exactly as he imagined before, evoking an unbounded fulfillment. At any rate, the brothers did not bump into each other. Why would they? Rockman was a hologram… They passed each other and then rolled on the floor. They quickly sat up, looked at each other, and then erupted into laughter.
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"Interesting! Look, Rockman somehow interacts with the terrain! How does he collide with the floor?" Remarked Enzan as he, unable to bear the happiness of Rockman and Netto any longer, distracted himself by focusing on the phenomenon.
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"Because that's the extent of the local hologram field. I found that this field is easily interfered by many things—paramagnetic metals, alloys, concrete, certain polymers… At any rate, I see now what I should do. I can probably give Netto an additional device that limits the field around him to approximate his physical dimensions. This will let them…'interact,' although to Rockman Netto will be like an immovable boulder…it should be better than nothing, don't you think?" Yuichiro said without taking his eyes off his sons.
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Enzan did not reply. He tried, but could not. An awkward silence ensued between the two (though it was only Enzan who thought it awkward). See, the love of father was a concept so alien to Enzan that he genuinely could not decide how to respond. If anything, only a great uneasiness bubbled forth inside him; Enzan moved away from the topic at hand.
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"Well, doctor, I am sorry that it has come to this. It was not my intention to let Rockman receive the code this soon before sufficient observations could be made on Blues." Said Enzan. He was not sorry.
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"I am a bit disappointed, but I also understand. We can only give our best in a situation." Returned Yuichiro. He was not disappointed; Enzan had acted within the range of his predictions.
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Yuichiro looked at his boys. The uncertainty of how Rockman would respond over time toward the hologram code rendered him disquiet, but their heavenly cheerfulness convinced him that it had not been a mistake. 'Better to perish in happiness than to prolong in suffering. Let us be this way. Let the world come when it wants to come. Whether the world survives or not—what do I care? Officer Ijuiin can be as ambitious as he wishes. His discontentment is giving him all kinds of energy, and it even seems that he believes in the most youthful and harmful version of justice. Well, so what? In the end, it's all meaningless. I'll play along for now.' thought Yuichiro.
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When a wish is granted, another wish blooms. A chain of wishes, never-ending, ever-tormenting, each wish brighter than the wish before. The wish progressively grows until it becomes as unattainable as heaven, for it is in the nature of a man that he is never satisfied until he attains heaven. But what is heaven? What is this thing that is singularly worthy of being purchased with an entire life?
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…
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There was a time when Rockman had a small wish. It was his first wish. A very small, very first wish. As small as a mustard seed and as first as a hyacinth, the herald of the spring. The wish seemed so insignificant that he did not bring it to any divine being nor pray in a secret place; rather, he spoke to himself,
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'Only if I could be with Netto kun just one more time, just a moment, just a second, just enough to-… No, I already am with Netto kun. I already have enough. I should not be asking for more. I cannot be a bad boy…'
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In this way he wished and then let go of it by chastising himself. Every wish, he extinguished, sometimes fiercely denied. Like the petals of cherry blossom scattering in the wind, so did his wishes scatter ever so beautifully into the void. Ah, what a timid, selfless soul he had!
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Then what was he supposed to do when he found himself suddenly walking again on the earth like spirits and nymphs in the myths of old? "Netto kun!" He exclaimed in shock and disbelief—yes, these responses preceded the joy—while he thought 'Netto kun!' in a stupefied mind. He at first jumped at Netto, and the boy reciprocated by trying to receive him, but we all know how it ended. Rockman, having no way yet of physically interacting with the world, passed right through Netto, rolled on the floor, laughed in the joy of newfound freedom, sat up, and then positioned himself right next to his operator. He was like an attention-starved cat. He sat on his knees, hands on the ground, leaning oh-so-closely to the boy, his eyes filled with the boy's face. In this way, he spent the entire occasion, conversing with Netto this and that, listening to the boy's teary pleas, savoring how the boy's face assumed an expression of extreme peace. They confessed many observations, such as how they realized how much they missed each other until the reunion finally occurred in the same dimension. They made many frivolous promises. They made many plans. They saw that the days of bliss were ahead of them. They would, from now on, never leave each other. They would be together, like this, forever and ever.
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"Niisan…you won't leave me again, right?" implored Netto.
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"Right."
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"Promise?"
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"Promise."
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"Pinky promise?" Netto insisted.
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"…Pinky promise." Rockman said while showing his pinky finger. Making the promise somehow felt grossly incorrect and dishonest.
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Ah, the mustard seed of a wish sprouted.
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With Yuichiro's modifications, in the next session Rockman could 'touch' Netto. Although the act was no different from touching a wall, for it was simply the boundary of the hologram area having been sculpted into the surface curvature of Netto, it was shockingly mesmerizing to Rockman.
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Rockman loved how his hand was stopped by Netto's body.
Rockman loved how he could wind his arms around Netto.
Rockman loved how he could lean onto Netto freely.
Rockman loved how he could not stop Netto from doing the same to him.
Rockman loved how he could not resist Netto nor even budge him a little bit, the boy now being the boundary condition of the hologram field. Yes, he loved how powerless he was against Netto, and how his movements were dominated by Netto.
Rockman loved how Netto grabbed his shoulders.
Rockman loved how Netto's fingertips brushed against his clavicles.
Rockman loved how Netto's hand drifted to his chest emblem.
Rockman loved how Netto filled his time.
Ah, Netto, sweeter than honey to Rockman, more sedating than opium to Rockman.
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The small mustard plant grew into a sapling. Green, fresh, pliant, vibrant, containing hopes of growing into the largest tree.
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When they exited Scilab, the sun was already hanging low in the sky. The shadows were elongating and the heat of the day was dissipating, while the humid air immediately enveloped them. The cries of cicadas hollowly echoed as if they were heralding the emergence of a new creature, a new human of blasphemous formulae.
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"Why don't we stop by the playground before going home? You know, your favorite place, Rockman?"
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Was this a good idea? The day was hot and there was a 56% chance of rain this afternoon according to the weather forecast. Rockman did not want Netto to be caught in the rain. Was this a bad idea? But today was a day worthy of celebration, and Rockman knew that Netto simply wanted to revive their favorite routine. Before Rockman could decide what to say, he saw the immeasurable tenderness glowing inside Netto's eyes, which touched him greatly. Touched indeed; Rockman found great happiness welling up inside him, and in the midst of it a strange pang that pierced his heart. It was as if there was guilt and sadness somehow embedded inside his love for Netto. Why?
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"…Sure." Rockman obliged.
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There was no one present at the swings. The children had all went home, back to the bosom of their mothers as chicks gathered to their hens. Faintly in the air was the scent of love in warm ovens and boiling broths, the work of hens. Netto sat in his usual spot and looked ahead.
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"Look, today's sunset is exceptional. The sky must know that you are back." Netto muttered softly.
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Rockman emerged onto Netto's left shoulder as a palm-sized hologram. Indeed, the sunset was truly exceptional, but Rockman did not watch the sunset. It no longer interested him. He instead fixed his eyes on Netto's face, that soft mirror of the soul reflecting the color of the sky. It was captivating. At first, it was captivating because his heart melted like butter in the heat of the realization that he was truly one step closer to Netto. Then, it was captivating because he found Netto's face to be the most admirable object in the entire world. Later, it was captivating because the strange pang in the heart returned, and it was as if his soul was squeezed by a giant's hand. Rockman could not trace the origin of the discomfort. No matter; Rockman did not want to understand why. Instinctively, it seemed dangerous to investigate.
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But at one point Rockman's eyes drifted to Netto's lips and then he realized that the desire to be 'cleansed' still remained in him. Surely, it could be done. Surely, it was within his reach. Surely, it had to be done. All he had to do was-
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"Welcome back, Saito niisan." Said Netto, most affectionately, still focused on the ephemeral sunset that was almost over.
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"…"
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"Saito niisan?"
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"…"
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"…Saito niisan?" Netto faced Rockman.
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"!"
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When their eyes met, Rockman felt as if he was caught in the middle of committing a crime and quickly turned. He pretended to look at the skyline that was now only the purplish afterglow of the day.
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"Something's wrong?"
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"Er, eh, no! Nothing! Not at all!"
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Rockman dared not look at Netto, not realizing that he was acting most unnatural.
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"…Hmm…" Netto squinted. "…If you say so."
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Rockman might have blushed a little; it was difficult to tell in the dying light. Rockman immediately retreated back to PET, and did not come back out until that night.
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The old routine of watching the sunset together returned to their lives, but only superficially. It became a pretext for something else which both of them did not comprehend fully. Netto regularly brought Rockman to their customary place, and what happened above repeated. Rockman never watched the sunset; he instead watched Netto. Netto watched the sunset but he did not do so out of genuine interest; he was acutely aware that Rockman was watching him intensely, and also that his navi did not want to admit it. Netto continued to pretend that he was unaware of the scalding stare. It was a strange balance; neither wanted to admit what they were doing, nor were they willing to progress further, even as they were oblivious (and curious) of what the next step could be. It was not out of some vague fear; the ticklish nervousness that underlined each session felt right while they could not explain why it was so. In the end, Netto decided to wait until either Rockman decided to do something else or became satisfied and stopped. Rockman decided to wait until he could muster the courage to bring the matter of 'cleansing' to Netto, while he knew full well that it would never come to him. So it was. The hearts of Netto and Rockman ran in infinite parallels, their intersection being mathematically impossible.
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Unless an extraordinary disruption broke the stalemate.
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One day, Netto called.
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"Rockman"
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"Yes, Netto kun?" Inside PET, Rockman stopped working and looked up.
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"The summer is almost over."
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"It seems so."
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"And we haven't had a proper summer vacation yet."
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"It is so."
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"Which is a terrible state of affairs."
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"it could be so."
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"So, I thought about it a little."
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"I hope your academic performance was included in that thought."
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"-Rockman! Eh, I should've known you were going to say that… Anyways, I thought about it and then came up with an idea."
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Rockman almost blurted out how they were behind schedule for their summer assignment but quickly decided against it. Indeed, the summer was almost over and to let it go without a proper vacation seemed unfair, both to Netto and to himself.
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"Okay, so what is that idea?"
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Rockman swiped away his workstation and gave Netto his full attention. From his pose, from his tone, and from his expression, it was evident that Rockman was ready to accept almost all suggestions from his operator.
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"So my plan is- …Wait, Rockman, you are not going to…stop me?"
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"Nope. Why would I?"
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"Uh…because you are a homework monster and I still have not finished my summer assignment…?"
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"…" The resignation in Rockman's eyes... "…Well, as long as you promise me that you will work on it later, I guess we can have some fun."
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"Well, I promise! I promise!"
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"Don't promise what you are going to forget." Said Rockman, smiling. '…Acceptable. So, Netto kun, what is your grand plan?' thought Rockman.
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"…Rockman, your speech and thought are switched."
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"Trivial matter." Rockman crossed his arms. "So?"