Chapter 17

Los Angeles, CA - 2022

The drive back to LA was eerily quiet. Halona told the agents she didn't remember anything new, which was only half true. She had no memories of being kidnapped - because it had never happened. But how could she explain the reality of what she'd experienced? Time travel? No one would believe that. This was a secret she had to protect, lest she risk being locked away.

When they arrived at the Four Seasons hotel, Halona could feel the agents' disappointment weighing on her. Dinner was the last thing on her mind; she had only managed a coffee and a bagel that day, and her stomach was growling. Yet, her bigger worries gnawed at her. For weeks, she'd convinced herself that her memories were mere hallucinations. But now, knowing the truth, her heart ached with the loss and the pain.

Remembering the scrap of paper in her pocket, she pulled it out and read the name once more - Lieutenant Colonel Todd Madison. Her fellow visitor, as he had described himself. She could still see his weathered face and piercing blue eyes. Making a mental note, Halona resolved to hire a private investigator once she got home.

Though this paper confirmed she had lived in 1871, it didn't answer the questions racing through her mind. What had happened to Buck? Had he gone mad and wandered into the woods? What were the children's lives like? Had he taken his own life? Even though suicide seemed the more plausible answer, Halona couldn't accept it. She had seen the pain in his eyes when he spoke of his mother, whom he believed had killed herself. That pain alone would have prevented Buck from making such a choice. He would never have abandoned his children. Buck had lost a wife before - it had hurt, but he had moved on. He would have done so again, for the sake of his kids. He was a father first and foremost.

Halona picked at her chicken salad, forcing down a few bites. As she ate, memories that had been locked away for so long came flooding back. Her heart pounded as she remembered telling Buck she wanted to go "home," her home, instead of staying with him.

"Halona, listen to me," he murmured, his voice firm yet gentle. "This is real. You're here, with me now."

"Maybe," she whispered, a sliver of doubt clinging to her voice.

"You can't keep one foot here and one foot in your past." He warned. "If you could go home, right now," He tilted her head up and looked into her eyes. "Would you?"

Halona closed her eyes, tears welling up. The world she described, a world she barely recognized in her fragmented memories, felt both distant and unreal. Yet, the yearning for familiarity, for a life that made sense, was undeniable. Leaning in, she pressed a soft kiss to his lips. A bittersweet farewell, a silent acknowledgment of the bond they'd forged despite the impossible circumstances.

"Yes," she whispered, the word a choked sob against his mouth. "I'm sorry."

Halona squeezed her eyes shut and let out a choked sob. Hot tears streamed down her face, stinging her cheeks that were already tender from earlier crying. Guilt gnawed at her. Back then, she'd been so blind, so foolish. How could she not have seen how precious everything was?

"Are you upset?" Halona asked gently, reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from Buck's forehead.

Buck shifted slightly on the lumpy mattress, his expression a mix of pain and frustration. "No," he murmured, his voice rough with exhaustion and something more, something she couldn't quite determine. "I'm not upset."

Halona studied the taut lines of his face, the slight downturn of his lips. "Then what is it?" She prodded softly.

He let out a long, weary sigh that seemed to deflate his broad chest. "It hurts," he finally admitted, holding her searching gaze. "Knowing that you don't want to be here."

"Buck, it's not that." Halona's breath caught in her throat as despair welled up inside her. The weight of her impossible situation, the agonizing decisions looming ahead, threatened to crush her. She blinked back hot tears. "I don't know how long I'll be here. I don't know when... if I can go home." Her voice cracked with emotion.

"If given the choice, you wouldn't stay here," Buck's handsome features contorted with sadness and he reached out, cupping her cheek. "With me."

Halona's chest ached as she looked into the depths of his soulful eyes. "You don't understand," she stuttered, tears spilling over. "You don't know what you're asking me to give up..."

"I know you miss your old life. I can see it in your eyes, the longing and heartache you try to hide." His thumb stroked her cheekbone as he spoke softly, trying to soothe the growing rift between them. "I just don't know why you're pushing me away."

His raw words hung heavy in the air, laying bare the truth Halona had been desperately avoiding. She turned away from the naked emotion in his gaze, her heart pounding violently against her ribs.

"How can you be so cold?" There was an accusatory edge to Buck's gravelly voice now.

Halona whipped back around, anger flaring hot within her. "I'm not being cold," she retorted, voice rising defensively. "I'm being honest!"

In one swift movement, Buck grabbed her upper thigh and trailed his hand up over the swell of her hip, bunching her thin chemise. He pulled her down, onto her back and ripped the flimsy fabric open, baring her body to his heated gaze.

"Let's be honest then," he growled, desire and desperation darkening his eyes. "Is this why you came in here tonight?"

Halona was spent. Her eyes were puffy and red, tears no longer came, and her body ached with fatigue. The emotional rollercoaster had taken its toll. For weeks, she'd tried to convince herself that the memories were mere figments of her imagination, a way to cope with her loss. But now, the truth was a harsh reality. It wasn't a nightmare - it was her life. The confirmation that her family was truly gone reopened a fresh wound in her heart. The reality of her pregnancy hit her with the force of a freight train.

With no abduction to explain her situation and knowing she hadn't slept with a stranger, it struck her that she was carrying Buck's child. Numbness settled over her as she stared blankly at the wall for hours, lost in a sea of grief. Amidst the sorrow, a tiny glimmer of realization surfaced: a part of Buck lived on within her. Eventually, exhaustion took over, dragging her into a restless, troubled sleep.