Hot water streamed over my skin, chasing away the chill from the rain. The longer I stood under the spray of the showerhead, the harder it was to believe that the last hour had occurred.

Jasper taking me home and acting oblivious as to why I was upset that he opened my door for me. Standing on the porch, not a single dry thread on us, while I explained (ranted) why I was so angry. The desperation in his voice. The way he'd pulled me against him, running his hands over my body, my fingers in his hair, his lips on mine…

Even under the steaming hot water, goosebumps appeared over my skin as I ran my fingertips over my lips. All of that had really happened, and I really needed to get a grip. As nice as it had felt, Jasper also kissed me a week ago and then totally shut me out. The idea of a replay had me ready to throw up. And what did he mean by "protecting me?" What was there to even protect me from? The only thing remotely harmful that I'd encountered in Forks was Matthew Reese, and he had virtually nothing to do with this situation. If you counted emotionally damaging, then I guess Jasper would also be on that list, but the only times he'd hurt me were when he was being cold or distant after a period of being friendly and amicable. Again, I was missing a piece of a puzzle that needed solving.

I almost thought Jasper would have left while I was in the shower. It was what I prepared myself for to try and mitigate any disappointment should that be the case. As I pulled on a dry set of clothes in Cara's humid bathroom, it took all I had to focus on what was more likely than on what I hoped. At the very least, I was completely over the flu this time. After walking up the stairs without a boot (something I'd never take for granted again), I paused just before the door to my room, running a towel over my hair another time. If he wasn't waiting to have a conversation like he'd promised, I needed to be ready for the disappointment. I squeezed my eyes shut, and rounded the door frame.

Sitting at my desk was a human so beautiful, I almost had to look away. My eyes followed the lines of his hands, his forearms, up to his neck and jaw. Angela had once described the Cullens as being statuesque in their appearances; while looking at Jasper's marble white skin, I was inclined to agree. There is a sculpture, le génie du mal, in Saint Paul's cathedral of Liège. The story is that the previous sculpture had been removed due to an "unhealthy" level of beauty, and the sculptor's brother was commissioned to make its replacement. I'd thought it was a handsome depiction at the time, but not much else. Seeing Jasper sitting in my room, gazing out the window with water beading off of his still-damp hair, I understood how unhealthy that type of beauty could be. When he looked my way, I felt my heart give a lurch.

"Hey," he said softly, the richness reverberating through my chest. I swallowed a mouthful of spit and took a deep steadying breath.

"Hi. Have a good shower?"

And then I was thinking about Jasper in the shower. Geez, focus, woman! If he sensed my embarrassment, he didn't show it.

"Sure. And you?"

"Yup."

I propped up a few pillows and rested my back against the headboard. The two places we sat were as far as we could feasibly get from each other in my room. It was only a maximum of ten or fifteen feet, but it felt like an ocean of space with plenty of choppy water between us. For two people that had previously been macking on the porch in the rain and breathing the same air a moment after, it suddenly was as if we were meeting for the first time.

"I'm sorry. For being…" Jasper trailed off, searching for the correct word.

"Unpredictable? Inconsistent? Moody?" I supplied just a few words that I thought were appropriate. He raised an eyebrow dubiously.

"I was going to say 'an asshole,' but I reckon those are better for mixed company. It wasn't my intention to hurt your feelings, but I know I did, and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for leaving you hanging last Friday. I could feel how much it bothered you and…"

He trailed off, looking back out the window instead of at me. I wasn't the type of empath that could remotely sense emotion, and yet I knew he was being one hundred percent sincere with his words. That was a good start.

"It's alright. I'm sorry for yelling at you. And flipping you off. My momma would be ashamed of me if she knew," I tried to smile for the sake of levity. This distance was uncomfortable enough without the heavy words floating in-between. Somewhere in the corner of my mind, I registered the desire to have my hands in Jasper's hair again. I ignored that impulse as much as possible for the time being. We still hadn't ironed out any details of what our kiss meant, though I knew what I wanted it to mean.

"So would mine. But I deserved it," Jasper murmured more to himself than to me. I wasn't sure who he was referring to— Esme, or his biological mother — and I wasn't about to ask. "I thought that I was doing the right thing by pushing you away if it kept you safe."

"From what though? What do I need protecting from so badly?"

"Me."

If it were anyone else, I might would've laughed at that. But Jasper and his family had tripped some instinctual alarm in my brain before, plus I'd seen what he was capable of, evident by Matt's still-crooked nose.

"I'm going to need you to elaborate a little more on that."

He ran a hand through his damp hair, something I'd always secretly liked watching him do, and sighed deeply.

"It's…complicated." I thought he was going to leave it at that, and could feel irritation bubbling up in my chest. "But I'll tell you as much as I can. Before I started living with Carlisle and Esme, I was in a pretty bad situation. Even though things are better, there's been lasting effects that resurface now and then. I worry that they'll bleed into other aspects of my life."

A sorrowful ache spread through me as I remembered what Angela'd said about Jasper and Rosalie experiencing some trauma in the past. We'd never talked about it, mostly because that seemed like a taboo subject when it came to the two of us. He was being a little vague, but that was to be expected.

"I understand. Or at least, I can try to understand. I'm sure the transition of living with the Cullens has been difficult," I said, hoping that I wasn't overstepping. I wrapped the fuzzy blanket on my bed around my shoulders like some sort of armor before continuing. "So you've been worried about your past bleeding into a current relationship. Does that mean you—"

"Collins, stop."

He had followed the direction of my mood and predicted where I was going with the conversation. Jasper fixed me with a stare so serious, my pulse skyrocketed. This was the part where everything came crashing down, I just knew it. And I couldn't even be mad at him; everything he said made sense.

"I meant what I said earlier, about keeping my distance from you. Ain't doing it," his voice was filled with solid conviction. "Unless, of course, that's what you want."

"No!" I said, a little too vehemently. I'd hopped to my feet without meaning to. "No, I wanna give this a shot, too, if that's okay. Who knows, we might go up in flames, but at least we could say we tried. There is one issue though: I'm moving back home after graduation."

I hadn't even thought about moving off to college in the last week. What was the point of all this if there was already an expiration date? We'd be better off as friends, though the idea of not getting to kiss him again in the next month or so felt thoroughly depressing.

"I don't think that'll be all that much of a problem. I haven't made any final decisions about life after high school; I could even end up at Auburn."

Now that idea was anything but depressing.

"You mean you aren't planning on going to Yale or Harvard or some other Ivy league school with a sucky football team? No Texas A ?"

He just shrugged.

"I've got plenty of time to figure the rest of my life out."

I guess when your adoptive parents are crazy rich, your post-secondary options are a little less time sensitive and a whole lot broader. I'd been dialed in to Auburn since as long as I could remember, mostly because everyone in my family was a big fan. But then I'd toured the campus and researched the different colleges at the university and decided that if I wanted to get a degree, it'd be from there.

I leaned against the foot of my bed. The space between us felt much more reasonable and less cold. My phone chimed with a text message, reminding me that there was a world outside of my bedroom.

Cara: on the way home w/ dinner.

"It's my sister. She'll be here any minute."

Jasper stood, bringing us only a foot or so apart. God I couldn't think straight when he was this close, not when his mesmerizing tawny eyes were zeroed in on me like that. He brought a hand up to my face, brushing away a strand of mostly-dry hair. The tips of his fingers were once their usual frigid temperature, bringing chillbumps to my skin. Or maybe it was just the fact that he was touching me again.

"I should probably go then. We can have that introduction later. You good?"

I could only manage an mhmm at the thought of having to introduce Jasper as my boyfriend to any of my family. Then he was kissing me goodbye, and all thoughts had completely left my brain, except for how relieved I was to have his lips on mine again. The wall was back in place, keeping our feelings to ourselves once more, but the way I felt was enough.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

That was a question, and I needed the coherence to answer it.

"Uh yeah. Not here though. Cara's off this weekend and I'm not ready for that conversation. Maybe your house would be a better idea? Unless you think Edward will protest too much."

Jasper rolled his eyes and exhaled in a snort.

"He'll keep his mouth shut if he knows what's good for him. Just shoot me a text before you head my way."

He pressed a final kiss to my forehead, not nearly as exhilarating as the last but still enough to make my pulse quicken, and headed out the door. I watched him walk to his car from the window, trying to figure out how I'd landed such a hot guy. Just before ducking into the uber expensive Porsche, he turned around and lifted his hand in a wave. I wiggled a few fingers in his direction.

Everything was right as rain.

A/N: I think it's time for a Collins/Cullens introduction.