Chapter 20: A/N I do not own Merlin. Read, Review, I will read them eventually. I might not answer for a while, but I will read them!
When Cassie woke later that day wrapped in Owaine's arms, it didn't feel like it had the last time it happened. She was fatigued, the nightmares having prevented her from having a good night's sleep. So the joy she would have felt otherwise, was gone. Instead she rose slowly, careful not to wake Owaine and went to tend the fire. She had almost got it back to the flames it had been the day before when she felt his eyes on her. It was all she could do to not turn around, she felt ashamed for not listening to him in the first place; nothing good had come from helping Freya. At that thought, the tears she thought were long gone came back with a vengeance.
"Cassie. Come here, you're exhausted, you need some rest." he said softly.
:I'm fine, Owaine. I just needed to get the fire lit again." she sniffled, trying to buy herself time before she had to turn around.
"Let me check your shoulder, see if there's anything…" she trailed off as she rose and went over to the knight.
All lingering feelings from the kiss forgotten, the only thing that was on her mind were those horrible memories from a year ago. She probed his shoulder with her finger lightly over where the injury would have been, it felt a little tender to the touch, but she never did quite master the spells before her mentor passed. Then she put her ear to his back telling him she was checking his lungs, and to breathe deeply when she said so. Listening for his breathing sounds brought her that much closer to him, but she couldn't bring herself to feel anything.
"Lie back." Cassie commanded, then listened to his lungs once more, from the front.
"There is still some water left, I'll go out, see if I can find an expectorante. Um, something to make you cough up the liquid. And catch a squirrel or something for food." Cassie said.
"You want me to cough up a lung?" Owaine asked confusedly, trying to lighten the mood even a little. He succeeded in a small smile tugging at her lips, but not really reaching her eyes.
"Not the whole lung," she tried teasing back, but it sounded a little forced. "Only the water within it. How's the ankle?" She asked.
"Still sore."
"Wiggle your toes, please." she asked, and when she saw that he could, relaxed a little. She undid the bandage and probed with her fingers once more, telling him to let her know where it hurt the most.
"Sprained ankle. I'll see if I can find a stick big enough for you to use as a crutch. And I'll try and refill the waterskin." she proclaimed, before once more getting up to leave.
When she stepped out, she realized that her shoes were gone and tried to forget why they were gone. 'Me tocará acostumbrarme a andar descalza.' She made her way outside with the waterskin in her hand, looking around for a brook or stream, not fully remembering which way to go.
When she finally filled the waterskin, she realized the ground was too hard for anything to grow. 'Si no le saco el resto del agua, morira.' she thought sadly. She knew what she must do, she had to use magic once more. Losing him would have because she was afraid to save him would have crippled her. So she took a deep breath, recalled the words from her memory and said softly: āsyle se wætes fram úreþæs drinceres eac þone hwðstan [expel the water from your drinker with a cough.] Her eyes glowed gold, the water started to heat up. When her eyes returned to their normal blue, the water returned to its previous temperature.
Pleased with the result, she moved on to looking for a stick he could use to walk. While she hunted the stick, she looked for anything to eat. In the winter, prey was scarce, either hibernating, burrowed for warmth, or already gone. She managed to find one squirrel, up in a tree. But she just couldn't bring herself to kill it. Not after the nightmares. Not after the beast.
'La bestia,' she thought ruefully. How could such an unassuming, frightened girl be such a monster? She found a stick that looked strong enough to support his weight, but it was a couple inches too short for the tall knight, so she did it again. Her eyes fixed on the shaft of the stick, she whispered:þære geniwunge be langférnesse anbróce [change to long wood/elongate the wood]. When she felt the magic go back to its normal state, a dull humming through her veins, she turned around and made her way back to the cave.
"There were no animals around. But I found a walking stick, and ground some herbs I found into the water for you." she said, handing him the water skin. "Go on."
To say Owaine was hesitant would be an understatement. It's not that he didn't trust her, he did. It's that in this state, and this far along in winter what would still be alive. But he drank anyways, knowing she would be hurt if he didn't.
The last thing the Knight of Camelot wanted to do was hurt the girl he lo-liked. 'Why can't I admit it to myself? Why can't I say I lo- how I truly feel?'
When he finished drinking, he started coughing. The only thing he had around was his cape, so he grabbed the end of it and coughed into it. When his coughing fit subsided, he looked at the wet cloth in surprise.
"That's a lot of water." he stated, dumb-struck. 'No wonder I was so out of breath after kissing her.' he thought. When he glanced up at her, the look on her face was indecipherable.
"Let me listen to your lungs again." she said, moving over to repeat the examination.
"As far as I can tell, all the water's out." she said, reaching for the saddle bag.
She reached inside, only to remember that most of the food was given to the Druid.
"We have to ration, I couldn't find anything out there, and we only have three sandwiches left."
"You can have it. I'm fine" he said, ever the chivalrous knight.
"No," Cassie said with a shake of her head, "You need to keep your strength up. Here." She broke the sandwich in half. "Eat, you need it."
They ate in silence, lost in their own thoughts.
"Cass?" Owaine said softly. "Talk to me, please. I hate to see you like this. I hate to see you hurt." he said, emotion clearly heard in his voice, and, if she had bothered to turn around, clearly seen in his eyes.
"I should have listened to you. I should have left her there. Her people massacred my entire city. Very few were alive when I left. I didn't bother to check. I didn't want to. When I saw my mother… my sisters… my brothers. So pale, so lifeless. I wanted to scream, to cry, to… I don't know what I wanted, I just knew that If they knew I was alive, If they knew I had survived I would've had to…" She broke off, not able to keep going. Her hand going to cover her mouth. Her secret hurting her more and more with every passing second.
"I dressed in my brother's old clothes. Put my hair up and bound my chest. I couldn't have anyone see me for me. I grabbed what I most cherished. What my family most cherished, and I left on my horse. I found their camp. The people who did this." She said, looking into the fire, remembering every detail as if it were yesterday, holding her necklace for dear life.
"People!" she scoffed. "More like monsters! Their whole encampment was painted in red. They were stripped naked, covered in blood. In the blood of my people. Of my family." Her voice broke at the last sentence. The tears falling freely had by this point subsided. All that was left was pain.
"Blaze knew. She knew I was grieving, thatI was scared. And she knew we had to be quiet and fast. So we left. North. For weeks we traveled silently. Stopping only to rest. Always hidden from view. When we finally crossed the Pyrenees, Blaze started to relax. But I couldn't. We kept going. Not at the same pace, but we kept going. I sold her saddle, got us tickets to the Isles. When I got here, I could finally breathe.
"And then she broke her leg. My only companion for months, and I had to watch her die. I had to feel how much pain she was in with every twitch of her muscles. Every breath she struggled to take. And when Leon finally released her from the pain, I realized that I was utterly alone in the world. That I had no one. That no one would miss me. So I did what I had avoided for months. I asked for help.
"And when I woke in Gaius' patient cot, I realized I was just tired. Tired of the fear. Of the loneliness. Of the running. So I decided to stay, hoping that I had run far enough away to be free of these monsters. And for months, I thought I had. If I had known that there were Druids in this land, I would have gone south to the Moors, or east past the Pyrenees to the Ostrogoths." she finished, not taking her eyes off the fire once.
She didn't notice when Owaine got up, or when he limped over and sat down next to her. She barely felt when he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. But she did note how light she felt. Gaius already knew, but the man she wanted to love, the one she wanted to trust. Didn't. Not until this moment. They sat there like that a few more hours. But then they realized that it was past noon. That if they stayed there any longer, they would have to spend the night again. And all Cassie wanted to do was get as far away from there as possible. She raised her hand decisively, and whispered, "Forbærn."
Post chapter A/N: It was kinda hard writing this, so sad, but it helps a bit to move the plot . Not really sure actually if it does or not, but whatevs, the real plot doesn't actually start till Merlin gets to Camelot. I know I'm excited to see our favorite goofball!