Chapter 78 I don't own Merlin. I had such a hard time ending the last chapter, I have absolutely no clue how to begin this one. I hope you like it. I rewrote it like five times, and I still don't like it.
"You wanted to see me, Alys?" Cassie asked shyly as she walked in through the servants entrance, making sure to avoid anyone else.
"I wanted you to meet my beautiful babies." she said with a smile, not commenting on Cassie's current attitude. "Please, this is my son, Erminigild, and my daughter, Columba." she said, smiling for her to come closer.
"They're beautiful." Cassie said, not moving from where she was standing by the door.
"Adalberto told me what you did." she kept on, holding her sleeping children close. "You saved my family."
"I didn't." Cassie said, wincing as she couldn't stop herself from speaking.
"Cassie. Please come here." Alys said, looking at her friend.
"Please don't make me." Cassie whispered so softly no one could hear her, but she relented anyways and walked forward haltingly.
"Sit by me, please." Alys said softly, looking at the chair beside her and smiling softly as she did so. "Do you want to hold them?"
"No." Cassie said softly, looking down at her lap and willing herself not to cry.
"Cass?" Alys asked worriedly, looking at the pain in the girl's face.
"Please don't make me, Alys. It hurts too much." Cassie said softly, her voice barely a whisper as she looked up and met the redhead's eyes. "Please."
"Cassie, I'm so sorry." Alys whispered, recognizing the meaning behind her eyes immediately as she'd seen it too many times before in her own.
"Can I leave, Alys? I'm sorry, it's just too hard to be here right now." Cassie asked in a broken voice, her lips quivering as she stood up and pleaded with her eyes.
"I wish you wouldn't. I want you here, Cassie. But I understand if you do." Alys told her, keeping the tears from falling as she saw her sister practically cowering in grief and smiling bravely. "Thank you for what you did. You're braver than I could have been."
"I'm sorry, Alys." Cassie said, leaving quickly and grabbing the pendant so she wouldn't be seen as she ran through the manor in tears.
"I'm worried about Cassie." Alys said softly as she and Morrigan sat in her provisional chambers and spoke after lunch.
"She just needs time."
"No, I know that. But she's been through so much in such a little time."
"She's been through worse; she saw her whole family lying dead, her whole city. And she came out stronger." Morrigan said as she smiled down at the babe in her arms. "She's a strong girl. No, a strong woman."
"I'm afraid if we leave her alone for so long she'll just…"
"Shut down?" Morrigan supplied as Alys trailed off.
"Yeah." Alys said softly, smiling as she saw her baby boy wake up and look to be fed.
"I wish I had known. I could have talked to her."
"I remember when I lost mine." Alys said sadly, smiling melancholically at her twins. "I never thought I'd be this happy then. I think Cassie feels the same way. The look in her eyes when I saw her, I'm afraid for her."
"I know, as am I. But we both know it's for the best. She's strong willed, she'll get through this. And she'll also want to do it herself." Morrigan said, cradling the newborn gently to her chest and smiling wistfully. "I remember when my babies were this small. And now two of them are gone."
"I miss them too. Mor and I were considering naming our child after them, but when I looked at their faces I knew what their names would be." Alys told her in a soft voice, reaching out with a gentle hand and taking Morrigan's. "Pellinore and Owaine would have loved these two. I can just imagine them fawning over them."
"Especially Columba. Pellinore may never have admitted it, but the girls had him wrapped around his finger." Morrigan said with a watery chuckle.
"I don't know, he would have been loath to admit we'd have the first boy."
"Yes, he would have." Morrigan said with a laugh.
"I can't stop looking at them." Alys said after a few minutes in silence. "It almost hurts if I don't."
"Ah, the joys of a new mother. Wait a few months until all they do is cry and eat." Morrigan joked.
"I'll still do anything to keep them in my sights. They're beautiful."
"He looks like you, you know?" Morrigan pointed out. "Has your nose."
"Really? I think they look more like Mor. You'll make the boys trip over themselves to be with you, my baby girl. And you, you'll have all the other girls broken-hearted." Alys replied in a soft voice, not being able to pry her eyes away from them anymore and continuing talking to the newborns in dulcet tones.
"I'll have someone send some food up for us. I'm going to see if I can't find Cassie and get her to come dine with us. I don't know the last time she ate."
"I don't think she knows the last time she ate." Alys said.
"I know. Get some rest, you need it." Morrigan said kindly, helping put the two babies back in their crib. "I'll send the food up shortly. You've been through a lot."
"I'll be fine, Morrigan. Thank you. Just find Cassie." Alys said softly, smiling wearily as she watched her children sleep.
"You need to sleep, love. Stay healthy for your children. It won't do anyone any good for you to get sick because you won't sleep." Morrigan said softly, smiling at her as Alys refused to leave her children's side with a silent shake of her head.
"They'll still be here when you wake up, I'll get someone to sit with them while you rest, but you need to rest."
"Yes, Morrigan." Alys said, letting herself be steered towards the bed and closing her eyes as soon as her head hit the pillow.
"There you go. That's one willful child put to bed, now for the other." Morrigan muttered to herself jokingly, kissing her daughter-in-law on the temple and walking out the door with a few muttered words to a passing servant to get the wet nurse to look in on them.
"Adalberto, have you seen Cassie anywhere?" Morrigan asked worriedly after an hour of looking everywhere.
"Not since last night, my Lady." he answered respectfully.
"Do you know where she might be?" Morrigan asked hopefully. "You seem to know her best, now."
"Far from it, my Lady." he said with a chuckle. "I don't know her that well. She was royalty in Hispania, still is, there's a certain degree of distance that'll always be there, whether she knows it or not. But she seems to be the type of person to live in her memories in times of distress. Perhaps she's chosen to live in the memory. Perhaps she's gone. I really don't know where she could be."
"Thank you, Adalberto. I think I might know where to look." Morrigan said with a polite smile, letting him get on with his business and leaving his cottage.
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"Cassie? I know you're here, please I just want to talk to you." Morrigan said as she neared the tree by the pond. "He loved you dearly, he wouldn't want you to distance yourself from us, Cassie. We love you, you must know that. Come inside. Have dinner with Urien and myself. We really need to talk, darling." she said, leaning against the tree and looking around, not seeing her there but feeling her presence. "I know you're here, even though I don't see you. I don't know how you're hiding so well, but I can feel you here, Cassie. You're not the only one grieving. We need you."
Morrigan waited out there for what felt like ages, looking out onto the smooth surface of the pond as she waited for Cassie to speak or show herself only to turn around in defeat when none came. She sighed heavily and closed her eyes as tears threatened to escape. "I guess you're really not here, then. Because I'd hate it if you were and you just completely ignored me. I'd feel like you don't care for us anymore." she said, turning around and leaving without another word.
Cassie sat up in the tree, her hold on the pendant slackening as she watched Morrigan leave with tears falling down her cheeks. She waited up there until the sun set and decided to go in, her heart aching as she thought about losing another family because of her stupidity and need to be alone.
"Enter." Urien said after she knocked lightly on their door, walking inside with shame written on her face.
"I think I should apologize for my behavior." Cassie said meekly, not wanting to see the disappointment in their eyes. "It's been unacceptable recently, I shouldn't be pushing you away like I have. I am sorry."
"I hadn't noticed. You saved our grandchildren, our daughter, your behavior as of late has been far from reproachable, Cassie. In fact, it's been commendable. You've shown great strength, all things considered." Urien said, motioning for her to sit down and nodding to a servant to serve her some food. "Join us."
"Thank you." Cassie said, forcing a smile and sitting down across from them at the small circular table, eating her food in silence as they spoke softly to each other.
"You were by the pond, weren't you?" Morrigan asked after they finished dinner and the servants had cleared the table and left them alone.
"Yes, I was." Cassie admitted guiltily. "I climbed the tree."
"I looked up, there was nothing there." Morrigan said, looking at her with expectant eyes.
"I hid myself." Cassie answered the implied question, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "With magic." she finished, grabbing the pendant and disappearing from view in front of them.
"Did Owaine know?" was all that Urien could ask, her confession leaving him flabbergasted.
"Yes. He knew everything." Cassie answered in a choked voice, willing herself not to break down.
"Then all that needs to be said has been said." he told her, standing up and walking around the table. "Thank you, for trusting us. Owaine would have loved to know that. Get some rest, my daughter." he said gently, kissing her temple lovingly and smiling.
"You too." Cassie replied, standing up and curtsying, being caught taken aback when he hugged her tightly.
"Good night, darling." Morrigan said, hugging her just as her husband had done and walking with them to the door.
"Goo-uhm, bye." Cassie said awkwardly, walking back through the manor slowly and going to her room.
"I can't believe she has magic, it seems so unlike her."
"I think that's why Alys is alive. Her magic." Urien said quietly, closing the door and leading his wife back into their bedroom, both of them preparing for bed.
"Cassie, what are you doing here?" Alys asked in surprise as she walked through the manor back to their chambers.
"I was…. Just walking." Cassie answered awkwardly, standing there like a deer caught.
"Well, don't act like it's a bad thing." she said, walking to her and looping her arm through Cassie's.
"I-I know." Cassie stuttered, walking with Alys and biting her lip nervously.
"Cassie, I just want you to know how much it meant to me that you delivered my babies." Alys said suddenly, stopping short of the corridor that led to her room and turning to face her blonde sister. "Thank you. For saving me. We owe you so much."
"No you don't. I did my job, that's it."
"You used your magic." Alys replied softly with a shake of her head. "You risked your life for mine, my friend. That is far from your job, and I thank you profusely for it. I hope you know we love you. All of us."
"Yeah, I do." Cassie said, slightly annoyed that no one wanted to let her do her own thing, but glad they'd be there to stop her from leaving. "I love you all too. Is-is there a chance for me to meet my lovely nephews now?"
"Of course, they want to meet you too. Told me as much." Alys said, looping her arm once more and walking to her door with Cassie in tow.
"You need some sleep, you're beginning to hear things." Cassie joked halfheartedly.
"Mor said the same thing. He just doesn't know... I speak baby." Alys joked, knowing it was what she needed.
"I thought you were just getting a little fresh air, and here you come bringing a stray! As if we don't have enough of those already." Mor joked, looking at his twins and then at his sister-in-law.
"Yeah, she's too cute, can we keep her?" Alys replied with wide eyes, playing along and smiling when Cassie giggled, albeit softly.
"Come, he's named after your brother."
"My sister, actually. Erme was my sister. Although I do have an uncle whose name is Erminigildo. But I never met him, I don't know where he is or if he's even alive." Cassie said, feeling guilty and looking down. "I only know of him."
"Come, hold him. He's only just woken up." Mor said, reaching down to pick him up and cradling him close while he watched Cassie walk closer shyly. "Come on, he won't bite, yet."
"I-I know." Cassie said, holding her arms out and gently taking the baby from his arms carefully.
"He loves you." Mor observed, hugging his wife with a small smile while Alys looked up at him lovingly.
"I wish I could have held my own like this." Cassie whispered, sitting down on the chaise near the fire and looking at the small boy. "Gaius never even let me see him before he buried him."
"Did he have a name?" Alys asked softly, sitting down next to her and caressing her son's face with a slender finger.
"Iorwerth." Cassie answered wistfully.
"A beautiful name, my Lady." Mor said, pouring three goblets of wine and handing one to each. "He would have made us proud, we would have loved him dearly. To Owaine and Iorwerth."
"To Owaine and Iorwerth."Alys and Cassie both said, clinking their goblets together and taking a sip.
"I should go, leave you two to rest. Thank you, Alys, Mor. for everything." Cassie said, handing the sleeping baby back to his mother and going to the door.
"Thank you, Cassie." Mor said, nodding at her and watching as she closed the door quietly.
"I feel horrible that I've got everything while she's lost it." Alys said sadly when her husband sat down next to her and took the two unfinished goblets to pour into his own.
"We lost them, too. My brothers, my nephew. We lost three and gained two." he said, taking a swig of wine and placing the goblet back on the table.
"Three." Alys corrected. "Ellie told me today her news. She doesn't want Cassie to know yet, though."
"She's with child?!" Mor asked with a smile.
"Yeah, she is. Well she suspects she is. But since Cassie lost hers..."
"Yeah, I understand. It's horrible, but that's life." he said, putting his arm around his wife and pulling her close. "I'm just glad life brought her to us. We wouldn't have you or these two beautiful children if it weren't for her."
"I know, I'm glad Owaine fell in love with her. They were both so happy." Alys agreed, laying her head on his chest and smiling when their daughter stirred and called for him with an odd gurgle.
"How did we get so lucky, my love?" Mor asked when he sat back down beside his wife and held his daughter to his chest.
"I don't know, but I know I never want to forget this feeling." she said, smiling lovingly at him and feeling her heart swell in her chest at how much love there was between the four of them.
"You'll remember it everytime you look in our eyes and see our smiles." he said, smiling at her in much the same manner. "Because I will always love you, and so will our children."
"Hmm. I love you too." Alys replied, closing her eyes happily and laying her head on his lap with her son on her chest. "I love you all so much."
"All right, let's put the kids back in their crib and get to bed." Mor said with a smile, chuckling at the groan Alys made and helping her sit up with his free arm.