Last Three Babes~

Chapter Eleven

In the busy hospital of Code Geass a wet figure stood in the halls, their long shadow loomed on the surface of the door in front of them. It had started pouring outside and they didn't bring an umbrella, now they were dripping wet. Water dew rolled down their golden trusses onto the floor. They hoped they didn't catch a cold, that would be annoying. They looked through the window of the door and saw someone sitting upright in a bed looking out the window of the room, their long black locks, covering their eyes. Odysseus had called them a few days ago and asked if they would come down to the hospital to see if they could be of help. His "Lukewarm honesty" as the older man put it, was something he felt the case needed. Yuri let out an annoyed sighed.

"What the Hell was lukewarm honesty?" He thought. He understood he was good at speaking with victims, but lukewarm honestly? Did that mean the older male thought he had an off-putting air to him? That he wasn't... nice? The blonde's eye twitched at the idea. "People think I'm nice... right?" He questioned, not noticing the intense black aura rolling off of him, scaring the passing nurses and doctors in the hallway. Yuri shook his head of the annoying thought's; he'll ask Odysseus about it another time. In the meantime, he had a daunting task in front of him. Odysseus hoped a familiar face would loosing up Lelouch and have him tell them what happened that night. He could admit that it was good idea on paper, but truthfully Lelouch and him have barely exchanged any words. Yuri wasn't sure he could get Lelouch to open up, but this situation didn't leave much room for doubt. He had to get Lelouch to talk or Senji's life was over.

Yuri felt so frustrated with himself, he knew what Lelouch was going through. Everything about the raven gave battered woman, but he stayed quiet. He wasn't a cop anymore, it felt it wouldn't have been his place anymore. Then, seeing how much the raven opened up to Senji in the months he had been coming to the diner, from his jumpy and meek persona to actually smiling and having conversations with people. He thought how he could say something and take the one place the raven seemed to have from home. And Senji he told himself he would look out for that kid, but now he's pseudo child was in jail. He was sure if he said something then the raven would stop coming, which would take the solace he got away. But he can't help but wonder if he did say something would any of this happened? Senji's in jail and Lelouch is in a hospital bed because of his incompetence. Yeah, he wasn't a cop anymore, but he use to be a one dammnit! He saved lives and still, he couldn't even save someone begging to be saved right in front of him?

"Though I'm sure Lelouch still wants to be set free." He was sure the raven was under tremendous pressure. Having to be the person everyone needs him to be in some moment or another. He had two lives in his hands and for someone who has never had much of a choice of what happens to them this had to be the last thing Lelouch could have wanted. He was sure he felt like he was choosing between two loves, and he was sending one to the gallows. The first his child's father, who gave him a home and he feel saved him from a world of loneliness, but at a mental cost. And Senji a young college student, with no real mark of his own in this world, but cherishes every bit of Lelouch and wants to just see him smile. That type of weight had to be insurmountable, something no one should have to deal with. Even though Lelouch knows Suzaku was wrong in every way, he feels indebted to him. If Yuri were Lelouch he knew he would desperately want someone to take the weight off of him. Yuri sighed once more. He had to put his detective hat on one more time, for Senji.

And for Lelouch.

Revolving himself to his cause, put his hand on the door and gently slide it open. Lelouch looked from the window and his eyes widen with surprise.

"Y-Yuri-San?" Yuki a smile smirk graced his lips.

"How you doing kid?"

Lelouch looked through his room window as the windswept rain poured. The storm bellowed mightily outside, but it was faint inside echoing off the walls of the quiet room. It was grey and unwelcoming in the room as the lighting was dimmed for her daughter who slept in her cot on his left side. What little light in the room reflected off the aluminum balloons flowing by his beside nightstand. His baby girl was now two weeks old and the nurses had come by with gifts and treats. Shirley had even baked a small circular white cake with minimal icing. Kallen bought baby clothes and Dr. Ohgi brought treats, saying he figure Lelouch was tired of hospital food by now. Lelouch was so grateful for everyone that came by and continued to care for them. He would never forget their kindness or their patience with him. He didn't know much he enjoyed their company until he was along in the room again. They all brought a little light into his life in a moment where he was overwhelmed. Shirley would come by and help him with the baby. Changing her, bathing her and helping get her to sleep.

Lelouch hated to admit that though he loved his baby with every piece of his being, he was becoming overwhelmed. This was all so new to him, and to have to deal with it alone was being a lot for him to handle. Shirley seemed to see it on his face and started teaching him about the other side of motherhood. How some new mothers may experience feelings of guilt, anxiety, stress, and loneliness. That its ok to feel like you're not doing enough, but just know that you are. They may also struggle with postpartum depression. She encouraged Lelouch to talk to her about anything they may bother him. He needed that.

That was a earlier in the evening.

Now Lelouch was alone with his thoughts again.

And it was storming outside.

As the winds hurled, he clenched the white sheets instinctively. Why did it have to storm today? He was trying to tune out the howls from outside, but all of it still made him anxious. He couldn't help but to think of the last time it rained like this. A vivid memory of being on the couch with Senji, their faces inches away from each other came to mind. The swirl of passion in that moment, the sultry way he called his name, the warmth that radiated from Senji as he held him close.

That warmth.

He longed for it again.

He felt guilty longing for someone he troubled so much, but the feeling was overwhelming. He craved that comfort in this moment. He should have asked about him, he was so wrapped up in his own situation he didn't think to ask if he was ok, if he had been hurt. He felt selfish. The detective had given him his card, he wanted to call from the hospital phone and ask about him, but he knew that would lead into more questions.

And he wasn't ready yet.

"Will I ever be ready?" He thought. He still couldn't bring himself to say it out loud, that his husband did this to him. How do you betray someone who gave you everything like that? Lelouch been all alone since birth, no friends, no family, just himself. If he just resided himself to that loneliness none of this would have happened. He only brings misery to all who come too close to him. Now he's losing his only friend and husband to his choices.

Just then the door to his door opened. Lelouch looked to the door and saw tall blonde bewhiskered man. He narrowed his eyes as he didn't recognize them at first. But as a bolt of lightning flashed outside luminating the room, Lelouchs' eyes widen.

"Y-Yuri-San?" The blonde gave him a sly smirk.

"How you doing kid?" Yuri asked. Lelouch couldn't find the words to answer as the cool male glided into the room, the sliding door closing behind him. His long slender legs made their way across the room making it to Lelouch's side in a matter of a few steps. Yuri gracefully sat in a chair beside him as the raven was still a loss for words. It felt like someone dropped a box of questions in his mind and he didn't know which one to put up first. When the intel shock wore off Lelouch spoke.

"What are you..." He trailed, but another intrusive thought made itself burst forward. "Senji! How is he? have you seen him?" Yuri put a very gentle reassuring hand on the ravens' shoulder and smiled.

"He's fine, he's more worried about you than anything though." Lelouch frowned at this, looking down at his hands.

"He... Shouldn't be..." He looked down at his hands entangled in the white sheets. It's my fault he's even... I'm not worth an ounce of concern." He said in a somber tone. "He should... hate me..." He sounded pained to even say those words. The thought of Senji hating him hate, but he felt it was deserved. Yuri didn't speak at first, instead he let his eyes screen the area next to the bed and saw a clear cot. He could see a small pink blanket within it.

"I heard you had a little girl, congratulations." Lelouch looked up at the golden blonde and forced a small smile.

"Thank you... so much." Yuri didn't want to jump into the main issue at hand. This was a situation that needed patience and grace. "Do you have children Yuri-San?" The blonde scoff at the idea.

"No, can't smoke if you have kids around all the time." Lelouch let out a light giggle.

"Right, of course." A pregnant silence took over the room. Lelouch knew Yuri was here to ask about the incident as well. Still, he came all this way so the least he could do is be welcoming all the same. "Would you... like some candy?" Yuri's eyebrow raised at the question and only become more interested when the raven brought out a bag of candy from his nightstand draw. "The nurses came by and we had a little get together for her." he said looking over at the cot where his daughter slept. "She's two weeks old now." Yuri nodded understanding. That would explain the balloons and flowers decorating the room. Not wanting to be rude, Yuri took a piece of strawberry chew candy from the bag and put it in his pocket for later.

"Lelouch listen-"

"I know why you're here Yuri..." Lelouch injected looking to him then to his hands. "I know and I understand... I just... I don't..." Yuri put his hand up stopping him from continuing. He didn't want Lelouch to have a panic attack thinking about the incident. He had heard from Odysseus that the raven hadn't done well with having to remember the shooting. Still, He had different method of how he wished to tackle this.

"Let me ask you a question Lelouch." He proposed. He paused for second as he leaned in to look Lelouch in his eyes. "How much do you think your life is worth?" Lelouch eyes widen at the question.

"W-why are you asking such a thing?" Lelouch asked.

"Just... humor me." Lelouch looked down at his hands once again. It was odd question, but if he did indeed humor him & he had to really think about...

"Nothing." He said before he could stop himself. "I think I'm not worth anything at all." He was just so exhausted, emotionally and physically. He couldn't keep himself from answering. He didn't have much fight left in him. How could he see himself worth much when he held no value to anyone. He wasn't good at anything so he had no skills. He had no one and he was failure to everyone he's come too close to. He wasn't worth the skin he was in. Yuri sighed and looked over at the cot.

"And how much do you think your life is worth to her?" Lelouch head shot up, eyes wide. "Don't you think your life is worth so much more to her?" Yuri asked. "You gave her life and she'll look to you for everything. You have and will always mean more to her than you will ever realize." he rested his hand on Lelouch's softly. "So shouldn't you love yourself just as much if not more and value the life you have so you can be the mother, she sees you as?"

"You have value Lelouch, you mean the world to that little girl and just as you wish a world where she only knows kindness, you don't think she'll wish the same for you?" Lelouch eyes swelled with tears. Yuri...was right. Kindness is all he's ever wanted. The people who showed him such compassion, he craved more of it. Was that... ok? To want more people to be nice to him. Liking how good it felt to be noticed, to be considered. Being enveloped in that warmth surrounded by people who care for you and you care for them.

She deserved that feeling too.

What Suzaku did to him was one thing, but he could have killed their child. If his husband had shot just a few inches to the left... He would have never got to see that beautiful face. She would have never known a world where people are kind. That they remember your favorite foods and are happy to see you. A world where people worry about you and nurse you back to health when you're sick. He knew thinking of forgiving her father was wrong, but something just pulled at him to stay. To think what done for him, how much he was indebted to him. He just couldn't express how it pained him not being able to give her the family she deserved. Deep down he knew Suzaku wouldn't change even with a child. And it felt selfish of him in hoping that, putting his daughter in such a place would be unfair. She shouldn't have to live in such a cheerless atmosphere because of him. She deserved to be surrounded with jubilation.

"I want be there with her, to see that joy." he thought looking at her. "I want to always see her smiling; I want her to have the mother I always wanted."

If he couldn't fight for himself, he should at least fight for her.

"But..." Lelouch stuttered out. "How... how do I face reality and not go crazy... from the darkness..."

"You don't." He deadpans. "I can't imagine what you've been through Lelouch, but can tell you this." He held Lelouch hand tightly, never looking away from him. "That darkness is necessary if you want to see the light, otherwise how do you it's there?" Lelouch gave him a puzzled expression.

"What do you mean...?"

"I'm sure you've had a glimpse of that light." Lelouch nodded. That light, he selfishly wanted to stay in it forever, with everyone he's met. He was appreciative of the time they had together, the light they radiated in a way he wished he could. "You have every right to scream and yell, cry, and even break a few things, but once you've done all that and your body is sore from the rage and your hoarse from letting it out; there'll be a calm that comes over you. And in the calmness, you'll find yourself, I promise you that."

"But how do you know that, I can't even see past it every time I think of a life on my own..." Lelouch told him somber. "It's just... this black wall. And it's so tall, I can't see over it."

"Climb it. Break it down, you know somethings on the other side so take it Lelouch, its about what life you want."

"The life I want..." He repeated to himself quietly. Averting his eyes from the blonde male. What was it exactly that he wanted out of life? Just then an image of Senji and everyone's he's met surrounding him crossed his mind. The diner gang, the nurses, the doctors, even Lloyd came to mind. He wanted to be around them for as long as they let him.

"And at the end of it all, there'll be someone." Yuri spoke. "Someone who'll be waiting for you, and they'll never ask for anything in return other than a smile." An image of Senji flashed in his mind. It pulled at his heartstrings harshly, those wilting eyes and how kind they were. How... Safe he felt in those eyes. He misses those eyes looking at him with such compassion.

"I... love those eyes."

"But it's up to you." He said getting up. He looked down at Lelouch. "Would you rather continue giving someone more of you then they could ever give back." He turned to walk away. "Or will you rather have someone who will bandage you up when your hurt, hold you when you're scared, and never want anything in return other than a smile." That night in at the dorm flashed into his mind. Senji taking care of him, holding him when the storm raged that night, and how he looked at him in that candle lit room. Before Yuri could walk away Lelouch reached out and grabbed him by his jacket sleave. He gripped him so tightly, his knuckles were turning white, he was looking down and his shoulders where shaking.

"Y-Yuri-San.." He choked out. He welled himself to look up at him, his eyes were glossed over and rivers of tears streamed down his face. He's cheeks flushed with frustration. He leaned against Yuri as he held him, he felt like he was going to fall through the bed. Lelouch had a look of defeat in his eyes, so strong that Yuri didn't think he was looking at the same person. The shock made its way to the blonde's face. The ravens mouth moved again, but no sound came out. This was the hardest thing he ever had to do, his heart was begging him to say it, the truth, but his brain wouldn't let him. Yuri was right, when was he finally going to choose himself. For the first time in his life, he was making a choice for himself.

A choice to be selfish with his happiness.

He was choosing that light Senji showed him.

"Yuri-San..." He cried; his voice was trembling with uneasiness. "My husband... My husband did this to us..." His shoulders shook with emotion.

"he shot me..."

Lelouch finally chose himself.