Only Us – Laura Dreyfuss and Ben Platt
I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you
I don't need you to search for the proof that I should
You don't have to convince me
You don't have to be scared you're not enough
Cause what we've got going is good
I don't need more reminders on all that's been broken
I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget
Clear the slate and start over
Try to quiet the noises in your head.
Cause we can't complete with all that.
So what if it's us, what if it's us and only us
And what came before won't count anymore or matter
Can we try that?
What if it's you and what if it's me
And what if it's all that we need it to be
And the rest of the world falls away
What d'ya say?
I never thought there'd be someone like you who would want me
(Well)
So I give you 10.000 reasons to not let me go
But if you really see me
If you like me for me and nothing else
Well, that's all that I've wanted for longer than you could possibly know
So it can be us, it can be us and only us
And what came before won't count anymore or matter
We can try that
It's not so impossible
Nobody else but the two of us here
Cause you're saying it's possible
We can just watch the whole world disappear
Til you're the only one I still know how to see
It's just you and me
It'll be us, it'll be us and only us
And what came before won't count anymore
We can try that
You and me
That's all that we need it to be
And the rest of the world falls away
And the rest of the world falls away
The world falls away
The world falls away
And it's only us
It had been amusing to listen to her family's reaction to Lady Whistledown announcing her engagement to Colin Bridgerton. Also not the least surprising that the only two pleased by the news were her brother-in-laws. So she waited until her sisters and their husbands had left before approaching her mother.
She braced herself for what she was certain would be an unpleasant confrontation. "Mama"
To say that Portia Featherington looked less than amused by what she was reading in Whistledown was the understatement of the year. "This is how I hear of my daughter's engagement?" She could hardly be surprised given that she was certain that Penelope would remain a spinster looking after her in her old age. "You hide out in your room all day, and you let me read about it in Whistledown?" Well, she was hardly going to come skipping into the room to announce it.
"I did not much feel like announcing the happy news to you." Actually, she would have been thrilled to elope and not include her family at all. Any of them.
"Happy? Is that what you think this is?" Well, at least she would be marrying a man she loved instead of anyone who would take her off her family's hands.
"What else could it be? I am to be married." Anyone else's mother would be pleased especially considering this was her third year on the marriage mart.
"Lord Debling was a reasonable match. A reach to be sure, but with all his eccentricities, it was a secure match." In fairness, she did feel a little guilty in regards to Lord Debling, but he had been honest with her and the unlikeness of their marriage ever containing even the possibility of love. "And you've thrown that away to play out, what? A fancy on the neighbour boy, who happens to be the most desired man of the season?" Wow, tell me how little you really think of me, Mama.
"I do not think it is unreasonable. Colin cares for me." That much she could be certain of.
"Has he told you that he loves you?" Well now her mother was just taunting her.
"Not in … those exact words. But …" It was something that niggled in the back of her mind. She hoped that he felt the same as she did, but dreaded that he did not.
"Oh, Penelope. Do you remember how the Bridgerton's treated us like dogs when Marina's scheme was uncovered?" Did her Mother not recall her part in that scheme? "And now you've been out all hours of the night with no chaperone." If her mother knew of this, why had she not tried to stop her? Did she mean so little to her? "And then you traipse in this morning with news of an engagement to the very same Bridgerton boy, using Lord knows what wiles to entrap him."
"Excuse me." Colin had the most unbelievable timing. Arriving just in time to hear her mama essentially call her a whore.
"Mr Bridgerton is here, ma'am." Varly wasn't as quick on her feet as she used to be.
"Mr Bridgerton. What an unexpected delight." At least her mama had the sense to look embarrassed, which was nothing compared to the humiliation she felt herself.
"I will not be staying long." Well, there went another engagement. "But since we are all speaking so freely…" This almost engagement being broken was going to hurt a lot more than the last one.
"That was not meant for your ears." Portia's biggest mistake was dismissing Colin as a boy.
"I am still speaking." And apparently Colin was not going to stand for it. "Your daughter did not entrap me. I proposed to her out of love, nothing less." Wait, he loved her? "And were you not so narrowly concerned over your own standing you might see that Penelope is the most eligible amongst you." No one had ever stood up for her like this before, especially against her own family. "In the future, I advise you not to sully our Bridgerton name by suggesting otherwise."
When he held out his hand to her, she saw no reason to object and willingly walked out of the house with him holding tightly to her hand. She was too stunned to ask where they were going when he helped her into his carriage. Tucking her into his side, they road in silence. Really she should have brought Rae with them, but Colin was behaving as though they were already wed and she was not about to complain.
The driver stopped the carriage and Colin helped her out of the carriage, still not letting go of her hand until they were inside. "I wanted to show you this before our wedding. It's been in the family a very long time. This is to be our home." She could have cared less where she lived as long as it was with him. She was still so overwhelmed by how he had stood up to her mother for her. "I know it does not look like much now, but once we lay out some of our furnishings and decorations …." It was sweet how nervous he was, busying himself uncovering what furniture was there while listing the selling points of their new home. "Are you concerned that we should not be here alone?" She should be, but she wasn't. "There is not yet any staff, but I thought, well, since we are to be married…"
He had misunderstood her silence. "No. You do not realise how much that meant to me. What you said to my mother. No one has ever stood up for me like that." Most of the time most people almost lined up to take verbal shots at her.
"Oh, I will always stand up for you." The way he spoke was as if it was obvious. But it hadn't been to her. "Because I love you. Pen."
"Are you sure?" She did not want him to feel as though he had to marry her because of what had happened in the carriage last evening. And her mother's words were still ringing in her ears accusing her of entrapping Colin.
Colin nodded. "Everything I said to your mother is true. And you should see it as well." Relief flowed through her as he turned her to face the mirror in the room. "You … are the cleverest, bravest woman I have ever known. You make me feel seen in ways I have never felt seen before. And then there is …" She felt a warmth run through her as he pulled some of the pins from her hair sending it falling over her shoulders. "The way your hair cascades down your shoulder. The way your eyes shine when you look at me, like two blue pools. The firmness of your lips parted just so." He brushed his finger across her lower lip leaving a heat path on her skin from his words as much as from his touch." "The softness of your skin." His fingers stroked the length of her neck drifting further down her body. "Other parts I've been .. I've been dreaming about." His hand covered her breast. She brought her hand up to cover his before spinning around and kissing him. Her whole body felt as though she would go up in flames. He drew back slightly. "You must tell me to stop if you do not wish for this."
Was he joking? She was even more aroused than she had been last night in the carriage if that was even possible. "I do not wish for you to stop." He spun her back around to face the mirror and undid her dress letting it drop to the floor before unlacing her corset. She covered her naked breasts with her hands as the corset joined her dress on the floor.
"Lie down." She followed his direction but the only place to lie down was on the chaise lounge. He removed his own clothes before slipping under the cover with her. She wasn't sure where to look. She had never seen a man's naked body before. "You are so beautiful." And with those four words she forgot her embarrassment. When he kissed her she wasn't sure she could even remember her own name.
"Tell me what to do." She had no idea what to do and since her mother had never thought she would be anything but a spinster, she had not received any instruction from her.
"I will do everything." This was one thing she wanted to be equal to him in. Something they could actually be partners in.
"No. Tell me." Clearly he had more experience but she did not want to think about that.
"You could … touch me." That was rather vague.
"Where?" He had seemed to enjoy it when she had run her hand through his hair in the carriage, but apart from that she had no idea.
"Anywhere." So she began with what she had done before. She moved from his hair down over his shoulder down his chest feeling the firm muscles usually hidden by clothes on display only for her. So far he appeared to be enjoying this. When her hand ventured lower he grabbed her hand. "Not there." Had she done something wrong? "Not yet." His smile let her know that she hadn't made a mistake. "May I?" Right now he could do anything. When his hand ran up her leg and his fingers started playing her like a musical instrument, she thought it couldn't get any better. Then he stopped.
"Why did you stop?" All her insecurities came running back and brought friends.
"Are you ready?" Ready for what?
"Is there more?" She already couldn't understand why her sisters spent so much time at the family home if they had this experience with their husbands.
Colin nodded. "This may hurt. I cannot help it, I promise. But… it should only be this first time." He was so gentle with her. He positioned himself in her and thrust. It was a bit of a shock but then he began to move. "Is this alright?" She was speechless and could only nod. The bolder his moves, the more the pressure built within her. Her body began to shake with pleasure until it felt as though she was going to explode. With a cry of ecstasy, she toppled over with Colin following her. "Was it alright?"
"It was perfect." Seriously, why did her sisters ever leave their homes? "Can we do it again?"
"Give me five minutes. Make it ten." They both chuckled which sent interesting vibrations through her still pulsing body.
A while later she dared to ask. "Do I look a mess?" Her hair must be all over the place at this point.
"Yes." She couldn't help but laugh at his honesty. "But you are my mess." She liked the sound of that. She had never felt as though she belonged anywhere or to anyone.
"I hope I was all right for you." He had seemed to enjoy himself. "I know you are more experienced." Although she did not wish to know the details.
"There is nothing that compares to this." She was certain he was just being sweet but he made her feel special and so loved.
"Not even the women in Paris?" She couldn't help but tease him. "Will you let me read more of your writing? You promised me you would." He wrote so well. She couldn't wait to read more.
"That is true. And I do not like to break a promise." She had to tell him she was Lady Whistledown. It was just she had not intended to be naked when she exposed herself.
"Colin, there is something I must tell you." This was exposing in so many ways.
"What is it?" Knocking at the door ruined the moment. "Damn. That must be the servants, no doubt, bringing over my personal effects." He started to put his clothes on. "We can take my carriage across the park. No one will see us." And just like that the bubble burst that she had felt so safe and loved in and carried her courage off with it.
The longer she kept her secret, the harder it was to tell Colin. She put her hair back up; hopefully similar to the way it had looked when she had left the house. She needed Colin's help when it came to her corset and doing her dress up.
It was only when they were returning in his carriage that she truly realised she was running out of time. There was some sort of commotion in the Ton. Colin had stopped the carriage to find out what was going on, only to be handed a notice from the Queen.
"What is it?" She snuggled up to him.
"It is a message from the Queen." What could possibly be so important that the Queen would send out a public notice? "Dearest members of my most esteemed ton, I hereby declare that whoever brings legitimate evidence of Lady Whistledown's identity to the palace shall receive a 5000 pound reward. Yours truly Her Majesty Queen Charlotte." She felt her blood run cold through her veins. Did her Whistledown papers really make the Queen feel so threatened? "Finally, the woman will get the consequences she deserves. Imagine …. Unmasking Whistledown."
A sense of dread hit her as though she had been punched. "You will not try, will you?" It would be one thing to tell him herself, but the promise of such a large sum of money could be too large a temptation to some people. She just hoped that Colin wasn't one of them.
"I am certain I will not have to. Someone else will surely root her out." When he tucked her into his side, she wished that she felt more reassured. "Oh, what did you wish to tell me?" Now he remembered she had wanted to tell him something?
"Nothing. It is not important now." She knew she had to tell him at some point, but the timing seemed wrong right now. He would no doubt be furious when he found out. She just needed a little more time to find a way to break it to him and somehow soften the blow.