As we walk side by side, I am perfectly aware we are not patrolling. Not really. Their friends may have asked them to patrol the camp, but even I knows that's the best excuse they found to give them some alone time.

I have no idea what was written on my face as the Archduke spoke to Kelsya with such intimate

familiarity, but it must have been worrying enough to prompt them to give them an occasion to...

talk about it.

It is a chilly night, and yet I can see, from the way she moves her hands on her clothes, that her

palms are somehow sweating. Perhaps she doesn't want to talk either.

"Look, we should go..." I start.

"No!" she exclaims, halting suddenly on the path. She swallows, heavily, then turns her head

towards me for the first time since their encounter with the Archduke. Her eyes are wide, she's

pale. "You know I want to do what's right. And also, right by you. Especially you."

I'm not sure I want to listen. She does not offer her hand, she's tense, and she is keeping distant.

Every instinct in me tells me that midnight is chiming. That it's over. And how can I blame her?

The Archduke may be the past – is he? - while I'm the present, but still a shaky one, unable to face a complicated conversation.

So I bow my head, readying myself for the blow. "I see. I understand", I whisper, hoping to make it easier. And quicker.

What follows, is a moment of silence. Then her voice, hesitant. "You understand... what, Astarion?".

I hear her getting closer to me now. "Midnight chimes, eh? I'm not surprised", I say, still avoiding

her gaze.

That's when she holds my hand, while her fingers caress my cheek. "I should, maybe. I should... just let you go. I am, by all accounts, what you should fear the most. But you don't. I could kill you any day, and you choose to ignore the danger I pose. So... I should. But I won't. I... don't want to, love".

As she speaks in a shaky voice, I find myself weaving my fingers with hers. And without thinking, I kiss her, softly. Her lips brush against mine, tenderly, and my doubts feel now absurd.

"I'm not afraid of you. You are not your darkness", I whisper, my mouth still on hers.

Locking her eyes with mine, she says in a sort of solemn way, "I fully intend to be me, this person. Not the Chosen he knows. And... the person I want to be, wants you, not him, at her side".

The scene before me clashes with the memory replaying in my mind.

There's pain. There's jealousy. Now, though, there's also fear.

Is the woman in front of me the same that kissed me that night?

Is she still herself?

If she's defending the Archduke, is she lost? Is the Chosen back, a stranger in her flesh?

It is clear to me I don't deserve her. This does not mean I'll let the monster inside her chew on her soul.

Perhaps, I think as she watches Karlach leaving with eyes full of remorse, perhaps not all is lost.

With Shadowheart still crouched by my side, I patiently wait until everyone, including Kelsya, has retreated to camp. Only then, I turn to speak to the half-elf. "Listen, wait until she's asleep. We'll talk. All of us. I'll be here"

.

Shadowheart stares at me, confused. "Wait, weren't you supposed to-"

I don't let her finish the sentence. I may know what must be done, but I'm not sure I can handle that kind of conversation. "This changes everything. Just... trust me. Please".

After a few seconds, she nods then proceeds to camp, leaving me alone with my broken heart and my sorrow. This time, though, my course of action is clear. Even though, I know that now, I'll never be with Kelsya, I can not allow her own impulses to erase herself. Shadowheart is right, she is not in her right mind. I will protect her, from herself if needed.

A few hours later, I finally manage to gather my friends.

"Gortash has to die. He's swaying her, corrupting her", I tell them.

As expected, Karlach is immediately on board. She's furious with him due to her past, and she agrees that he is somehow manipulating Kelsya. "As he did with me, ten years ago", she exclaims.

Needless to say, Wyll agrees. He is the Blade of Frontiers, and he wants to free his father. As for Lae'Zel, Gortash is chraith, friend of ghaik. "He is not allowed to live", she spits.

For once, Halsin and Minthara are of the same mind. Partly, at least. To them, Gortash is a monster, for different reasons. An aberration, for the druid. An ally of Orin, for the drow paladin. "I might admire his leadership skills. Still, he conspired with Orin. I'll show him no mercy", she declares.

Shadowheart even has a proposal of her own. "Some of us will accompany Jaehira and Kelsya, to save Minsc. In the meantime, we will end the tyrant."

Jaehira, though, seems pensive and doubtful. "That would be the easy way. Perhaps she needs to see the errors of her path. Perhaps it is better if she realizes that this Archduke is to be ended, and is she herself part of his downfall."

To that, I shake my head. "He has to die. As soon as possible. Before he plants more dangerous ideas in her head, before he drags her back to her old self". And, I think, but I don't give voice to that thought, it has to be done quick before I lose her completely.

Gale is the only one who hasn't even uttered a word yet. Now, however, he speaks his mind. "I'd say the majority of us agrees to attack Gortash as soon as possible. And coincidentally, this means going along with our lovely cleric's idea."

Standing up, I say "It's settled then. Well, I'll be out of here, before... before it's too late." Too late for being asked to talk to her, again. Too late to wish to. Too late to be tempted to stay around those people I've come to trust. "And tomorrow, I'll scout around Wyrm's Rock and find... a better entrance to the keep."

Gale takes a step towards me. "I'll escort you outside. You never know what lurks in the shadow." He does not give me a chance to refuse, as he's soon beside me.

In silence, we walk, until we reach the borders of our-their camp. Only then, the wizards looks at me. He stares at me intently.

"Why?" he asks me. "For real, Astarion. The whole reason."

For once, I am taken aback by his bluntness. Gale usually dances around the issue, before actually dealing with it.

"I-Why do you think I lied?" I ask in return.

Gale shakes his head. "I never said you fed us lies. I do think, though, that you did not tell us the main reason why you want Gortash dead."

I don't flash out my best smile. It is far too late for that. "Does it matter? He has to die, sooner or later. Better sooner, right?"

Only then, Gale becomes somber. "It does matter. Do you have her best interest at heart, or yours? He has to die, it's true. And maybe, Astarion, if he dies you don't need to feel jealous. If he dies, you can gather your courage and crawl back to her. As you were supposed to do tonight, instead of plotting behind her back. You might have actually succeeded. If you trick her, though, you might lose her. For good."

A dagger stings. Words too, maybe worse, Sebastian had said. How right he was. Sebastian, my shame. It all comes back to my mind, in a wave of rage. "Of course I am jealous! Tell me you wouldn't! This is not how I wanted it to end" I exclaim, "and I am so tired of plotting! So tired of everything, Gale! All my life I stood idle, I did not act. And when I did, when I gave this sorry life a chance, all still turned to shit. So really, it does not matter what I do. I'm destined to be miserable. Might as well accept that."

I don't realize how much I've said until I notice Gale's expression soften. He lowers his gaze, defeated. He looks as tired as me. "I guess... I guess it's done anyway. It would be useless to change their minds, now that they're ready to act. I just hope... this won't lead to a final downfall", he says in barely more than a whisper. "Well, enjoy your night, Astarion."

As I watch Gale walk away, I try to imagine how would it feel to be victorious, for once. Enjoy a nice sunset without tadpoles in our heads. All beside each other, ready to start over, with new lives ahead of us.

Impossible. It feels impossible, and it leaves a taste of ashes in my mouth.