The Order of the Phoenix
Róisín and Sirius have some things to discuss.
Róisín's exam season passed slowly and painfully. Over the course of two weeks, she did six exams, in Duelling in the Dark, Method of the Mad Eye, Potions and Antidotes, The Auror Advantage, Concealment and Disguise, and Battle Instincts. Thankfully, she got through all of them with relative ease, despite the challenging content. Perhaps the strangest one was Concealment and Disguise, in which she not only had to brew Polyjuice Potion, but also had to practice actually behaving like the person she was impersonating (a fellow classmate) which was even more challenging than making the potion. When it was finally over, Sirius took her out for another romantic meal to celebrate, and they made plans to meet for coffee the next day.
That morning, Sirius came to collect Róisín for their coffee date, promptly at 11:30. She first peeped through the peephole to check he was there, and for a moment just watched him as he leaned against the railing leading up to her house, one arm stretched out and resting on the railing to support him. He arched his head upwards, breathing in the sunlight and shook out his long, dark curly hair, then checked his pocketwatch.
They had been on their first date in early May, nearly a month ago, and Róisín had absolutely loved every moment of their dates since then. Despite her initial hesitation to start dating again, at such a crucial point in her career, she was very thankful for the time she spent with Sirius, and all fears around being too distracted to work and study had been lifted. Sirius never encroached on her personal time, never demanded too much of her, and was nothing if not supportive and helpful every step of the way. She had really begun to fall in love with him, if she was being perfectly honest with herself, and wanted nothing more than to get closer to him, and to actually be with him - not just dating, but a proper relationship. But this obviously came with extra pressure, not only from the war, but from the fact they worked together, and he was her mentor, and everything else...
Róisín opened the door, and he looked up at her, smiling widely. He wore a velvet green coat, with a dark waistcoat and dark trousers.
"Hi," Róisín said as she approached him, "how are you?"
Sirius took her hands in his, and pressed a soft kiss onto her lips. "Very well, thank you. How are you?"
"Better now that you're here," Róisín smiled sweetly, returning the kiss.
"Something the matter?" Sirius asked in a gentle voice, with a hint of concern.
"Oh, no, that's not what I meant," Róisín quickly replied, but the concern didn't leave Sirius' eyes. "I'm just happy to see you."
Sirius smiled and let go of one of her hands, holding the other one, and leading her down the street. "Now, where to for coffee?"
"You know that lovely café on Diagon Alley, near Gringotts? Let's go there," Róisín replied. Sirius' face suddenly darkened, and Róisín frowned in confusion.
"I guess you didn't hear..." Sirius murmured, "it's gone, I'm afraid. Another victim of You-Know-Who - apparently the café owner was kidnapped, the café looted and burned, and the owner tortured for information."
"That's horrible!" Róisín gasped. It dawned on her that she had been so distracted lately, what with preparing for her exams, and now with getting closer to Sirius, that she had forgotten the fact that they were still living in active war times. But this fact also sobered her up: there were important things for her and Sirius to discuss.
"I suppose we had better go to a Muggle café," Sirius suggested, and Róisín nodded hollowly, and let Sirius lead the way to a nearby café. They chose to sit outside once they had placed their orders - two lattés, and a slice of cheesecake to share - and enjoy the good weather while it lasted.
"So," Sirius began, "what did you want to talk about?"
"Well, there's been some stuff on my mind and it's about us, so I just wanted to go through it with you."
"Of course, my dear, you can tell me anything," Sirius replied, with a warm smile, which caused summer salts in Róisín's stomach.
"Well, firstly, I, um..." Róisín found herself at a slight loss for words, and Sirius reached his hand across the table and rested it on top of hers, giving her an encouraging smile. She returned it and squeezed his hand. "I wanted to talk about us, I suppose, and what we are - and also whether you would like to go public with our relationship, or keep it to ourselves for a while longer? And what that means for us as coworkers, and also obviously, since you're my tutor, what that means for the professional side of our relationship too..."
Sirius nodded slowly, and with a chuckle replied, "Well, that's quite the agenda."
Róisín chewed the inside of her lip, giving Sirius a hopeful look, and he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms.
"I suppose I'll begin at the end, with what going public would mean for us professionally... To be perfectly honest, it's not against the rules, so it wouldn't mean an awful lot - but I still would err on the side of caution, and suggest that you leave my group and start under James' tutorage instead, just to cover all bases," Sirius replied. "And, of course, there's other implications - like I wouldn't be allowed on a future interview panel, if you indeed decide to stay in London and apply for a job here at the end of your training."
"Would you feel awkward if people from work knew?" Róisín asked.
"Oh, my darling, no of course I wouldn't," Sirius said earnestly. "It's not against the rules - and besides, it's not like we're the only couple in work - look at James and Lily."
"And your colleagues and bosses wouldn't think you were... taking advantage or anything, would they?" Róisín asked, hesitantly.
"Again, no, of course they wouldn't - I mean, you're the best in your class - you're practically an Auror already! And I'm only a year or so older than you. And besides, so long as we move you to James' group, there is even less chance of anyone thinking that," Sirius said.
"Okay, that's good," Róisín replied, letting out a long exhale, "that makes me feel a lot better."
Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment, and then slowly asked, "Have you... given any more thought to whether you want to stay in London after your training is complete?"
Róisín's smile fell - this was the one question she was hoping he wouldn't ask.
Sirius hastily added, "And I don't say this in any way to pressure you, but... I would just like to know, you know, I suppose... If, let's say, we do decide to take this to the next level and actually be a proper couple, you know, not just dating, then, well... I suppose I would like to know whether we have an expiration date."
"No, that's a fair question to ask, and you have a right to know," Róisín replied. "The honest answer is I don't know yet - and I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear - but I've honestly never been able to picture living anywhere else except Ireland - of course, you know, that's not to say that that won't change in the future, but... I mean, would you ever consider moving back with me?"
"After the war, I would consider it, yes," Sirius replied, nodding slowly. "Of course, what with the war going on, it's really hard to make plans or even see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes... But I have always liked the idea of traveling, living abroad, and besides, it's not even that far to Apparate to and from."
For a few moments, they sat in silence, digesting the implications of their discussions. Sirius for a few long moments just fiddled with the sleeve of his jacket, not making eye contact. When he finally did look up, and meet Róisín's gaze, his eyes softened and he said, "Shall we just agree to enjoy the present and be grateful for what we have?"
Róisín nodded, grateful for the suggestion. "I think that's fair enough. So... what exactly do we have? What are we to each other?"
Sirius' smile returned, and he pulled his chair closer to Róisín, until their knees were touching. He took both of her hands in his, and looked up into her eyes, holding her gaze for what felt like forever, before saying, "To me, you are the most beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman I have ever known - and I..." he blushed, looking down for a moment, and squeezing her hand, and then looking back up, "I'm really falling in love with you, Róisín."
It took several moments for his words to register, but when they did, Róisín felt a wide smile cross her face, and she leaned closer and planted a firm kiss on his lips.
"So am I," she replied, leaning back, still holding his hands tightly. Sirius returned her smile, and with a soft chuckle, he gently kissed the back of her hands.
"Well, if that isn't the best news I've heard all week," he said. "For me, being with you and getting to know you has reminded me of what we're all fighting for, and I just feel so lucky to have you in my life."
"I feel exactly the same," Róisín replied. "For a long time, I just wanted to focus only on my grades, and keep my head down and focus, and not get distracted by anyone or anything - and I'm still that person deep down, don't get me wrong, but getting closer to you has taught me that I can still do all of those things, and I can enjoy life too... You have the most incredible zest for life that I wish I had, and I've learned a lot from you."
Sirius beamed at her, a blush rising in his cheeks again, and he leaned across and kissed her lips softly, once, and then twice, before sitting back down in his chair.
"So, I suppose to circle back to my original questions... What would you like us to be?" Róisín asked.
Sirius let go of her hands and took a long sip of his coffee, replacing the mug with a gentle click onto the saucer. A few specks of milk foam remained on his moustache, which he promptly dabbed away with a tissue. Then he wordlessly lifted a charm, not quite silencing them, but protecting them in a bubble so that passers by could not hear their discussions - and if they did hear anything, it would sound like a language the passer by did not understand. Róisín frowned in confusion - why would he not want anyone to over hear them?
Sirius cleared his throat, as if gathering his thoughts, and then finally looked up at Róisín again, meeting her gaze steadily.
"I suppose firstly, I... wanted to lay out all my cards on the table, and I hope that we're on the same page," he began, and his nerves were palpable. "I... Obviously, you know how I feel about you, and what I would like... what I would really like is for us to be a couple - partners - properly, not just dating, but something more serious... if that's what you want too, of course."
He paused, before hastily adding, "But you don't need to give me an answer right away - I mean, we've only been on a few dates - but for me, they've just confirmed what I already thought to be true, that you're... you're the person I want to be with, but..."
Róisín felt her stomach twist around and around itself, and a wide smile found its way across her face. "Go on," she said, hoping that he would say more, wanting to get more of a peek into his feelings. Sirius smiled too, at first, and then looked down, fiddled with his thumbs for a moment on the table, and when he looked up, his face had turned much more serious.
"But, um... before you decide, there's some other stuff I need to tell you." Sirius drew in a long breath, and Róisín suddenly felt quite nervous. "About this war that we're in right now, um... Now, what I'm about to say-" he locked eyes with her, all traces of warmth gone, replaced by a stern, severe look "-does not leave this table. Róisín, I'm so serious about this. I'm not speaking as your date, or your friend, or whatever right now - I'm speaking as an Auror, as your colleague, as your tutor. Do you understand?"
Róisín nodded slowly, just wanting him to get to the point faster. "I understand - but if it's so secret, are you allowed to tell me?"
"I am, yes - I've already cleared it with the others," Sirius replied. Then he drew in another long breath, and began:
"I'm a full time Auror, that's correct, and so is James, and so is Lily. And, as you may have noticed, when I'm in the office, I speak almost nothing of my life outside of work. That's on purpose. Almost all of my free time, outside of work, and outside of tutoring, is taken up with this war. Yes, of course, aspects of fighting this war I also do at work - but the far more significant aspects of fighting this war, I do with a secret society, founded by the Hogwarts Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore." He paused, as if waiting for Róisín to react - she gave a short nod, indicating she was aware of who Dumbledore was. "We call ourselves the Order of the Phoenix. We are a tight knit group, we mostly know each other through Dumbledore, but some of us also went to school together - myself, James, Lily, and our other two friends Remus and Peter, who you haven't met yet. We are all in it - as well as some people from work in the Auror Office, and others from around the Ministry of Magic. We formed as a resistance group against You-Know-Who, and honestly, the situation is fairly dire, and... by our latest estimates, we are outnumbered 20:1 by his Death Eaters, and the attacks on Muggles and Muggleborns are getting more and more serious."
Sirius paused, and glanced furtively over his shoulders, checking for nearby potential listening ears.
"Now, up until now they have mostly been targeting Muggles and Muggleborns - and there have been a string of disappearances - I'm sure you've noticed more and more of those files at work - but more recently, they've turned their attentions towards members of the Order. On a couple of occasions, we've managed to intercept their planned attacks - and they've become aware of us - we're not sure how, because I would trust everybody in the Order with my life, and Dumbledore hand-selected them, so I don't know how the Death Eaters became aware of us - but regardless, they have, and so each of us essentially have a target on our backs. Now, thankfully, they have not paid me any attention - but that all could change, and I don't know when."
"So... What does this have to do with us?" Róisín asked slowly.
"I wanted to give you all of the facts - and that's just the beginning, mind you, there's lots more going on - but that's the gist of it," Sirius said. "I say all of this because I want you to understand the implications of... well, being with me. Firstly, because this obviously takes up a lot of my time. Secondly, because it puts everyone around me in danger."
He leaned slightly further against the table, and reached across to take Róisín's hand. "I trust you to make the decision that's best for you - and I promise you, I won't hold it against you if you decide that it's too much pressure to put on a new relationship. It is just important that you have all the facts."
Róisín nodded slowly, taking a moment to absorb all the facts, and gently squeezed Sirius' hand back.
"Firstly, thank you for being so honest with me," she began. "But I just have one question... You said that you had cleared my name with someone?"
Sirius nodded. "Dumbledore - as part of our roles in the Order, myself and James have been reporting back about the current Auror training class, and he is interested in recruiting several of you once you have completed your training - you included. So he told me to tell you all of the facts - which, of course, I would have done anyway, or at least as much as he would have allowed me to tell. So... If the war lasts until autumn next year, when your programme ends - which, if course, we all hope it won't - then you are more than welcome to join the Order. And, in fact, given how talented you are, in particular, Dumbledore said that he would be okay with you potentially joining us early, on some of the lower stakes operations - perhaps some case work - nothing too dangerous."
Róisín leaned back in her chair, absorbing this information. "Wow," she said quietly, "that's a lot to take in."
"I know," Sirius said with a soft smile, "take as much time as you need, and you don't need to give me an answer right away."
Róisín mulled over this for a few moments, as Sirius continued to tell her more details about the ongoing war, and the recent work of the Order of the Phoenix. On the one hand, she was really starting to fall in love with Sirius, and she wanted to be with him more than anything. Of course, this meant opening herself up to him completely, and being open to the very real possibility of him getting hurt in combat, or worse... Could she handle it? If something happened to him? Yes, she had always had a taste for combat too - but up until now, she had just learned basic Defence Against the Dark Arts in school back home, and more advanced Auror training on her training programme back in Dublin. Here, in London, there was a huge focus on the practical element of combat - but, again, it was all done in a measured, controlled environment, and she knew she was never in any real danger...
But Sirius very much was, and it dawned on her just how high the risk was of him getting hurt. Could she risk her heart like that? In a year when she was supposed to be focusing on learning, to become the best Auror she could be?
But wasn't it selfish of her to be only thinking about herself, and how Sirius getting injured would impact her... Suddenly she felt a wash of guilt, as she sat there at this café, still holding Sirius' hand on the table - the hand of this intelligent, witty, brave man that she was falling in love with. This man who cared, above all, for the people around him - his friends and loved ones - this man who still had an incredible zest for life, even after his very difficult childhood. Surely, the brave, honourable thing to do would be to join him in this fight - to prove that she would make a good Auror, that she could help him bring peace and stability back to the British magical community that he loved so much...
But then again... Would she only be joining the Order to advance her own career? Was that a selfish motivation? Or was she only considering joining to stay close to Sirius? Was that more selfish than wanting to learn practical combat to advance her career, to put her ahead of the race?
But surely, she had worked so hard to get to where she was now, at the top of her class despite her recent injury, despite all of the pain and hardship she'd gone through as a child... Surely she deserved to be a bit selfish for once?
All the thoughts became too much, and she realised she hadn't been listening to Sirius talk. Suddenly she let go of his hand, stood up and said, "Sirius, I'm sorry, but I can't talk any more about this now... I need some time to think."
At first, Sirius looked confused, but then his face softened and he replied, "Of course, take all the time you need. You know where to find me."
Róisín turned to leave, but seeing the crestfallen look on Sirius' face, she turned back around, approached him, and leaned over to plant a soft, tender kiss on his lips. When they parted, she cupped his face gently with her right hand, stroking her thumb over his cheek. He raised his left hand to hold hers.
"I'm sorry-" she began.
"No, don't be, my dear, it's really okay... I promise," Sirius said earnestly. Seeing the anguished look on Róisín's face, he stood up and pulled her into a strong hug, wrapping his arms around her small frame, holding the back of her head in the palm of his hand.
"I promise, we'll be okay," he whispered, "no matter what, we will be okay."