I guess I'm writing one last Amphibia-related fic after all. (Bill is the main focus, though. Let's make that clear.)

Dimension #5150

Neutral Zone — Outside of Time

GREETINGS, MORTALS. MY TRUE NAME CANNOT BE PERCEIVED, LET ALONE PRONOUNCED, BY BEINGS SUCH AS YOURSELVES, SO YOU MAY REFER TO ME AS "THE AXOLOTL" FOR THE REMAINDER OF OUR TIME TOGETHER.

HERE AT THE THERAPRISM, I SUPERVISE PROGRAMS DESIGNED FOR THE REHABILITATION OF DEITIES AND OTHER BEINGS OF EXCEPTIONAL POWER FOLLOWING THEIR DEMISE, SO THAT THEY MAY BE REINCARNATED. THE PROCESS SOMETIMES WORKS, BUT OFTEN IT ENDS UP BEING NOTHING BUT CLASHING EGOS.

HERE IS A SNIPPET OF ONE PARTICULAR THERAPY SESSION.

The therapy patients currently in the Mandatory Therapy Room of Ward 333 may be the most eclectic group in the whole Theraprism.

* Bill Cipher — 2-dimensional freak from the Nightmare Realm, who committed countless atrocities while seeking to merge that realm with yours. He's got a big crack going across his body after the Axolotl personally put his pieces back together.

* The Core — mechanical world-conquering abomination from Amphibia. Once a massive computer, now reduced to a helmet ironically modeled on an axolotl.

* Cronus — leader of the Greek Titans. Munches on babies like they're popcorn. 'Nuff said.

* Cthulhu — the Great Old One who [REDACTED] with his many tentacles. His victims never saw comfort again.

* The Beast — creator of the eternally foul substance known as "Smile Dip". Taken in for war crimes committed in 12 million individual dimensions. His friendly appearance is merely a mask for the true monster that lies within.

The Axolotl's hope is that by airing out their grievances with each other, they may reach a greater understanding of themselves.

Too bad that hope won't come to fruition any time soon…

"Cipher looks like a child's drawing come to life and nothing more," Cthulhu remarked. "He could at least have the decency to look threatening."

"Envious much?" Bill chortled. "I bet you wish mortals weren't instantly repulsed by your appearance. My triangular face is wonderfully inviting."

"But—"

"But nothing." Bill was in a good mood, a rare sight in the Theraprism. "I brought laughter to the women of Salem! Did you ever make anyone laugh, you big joke? Didn't think so. I already had one-up on you before I even got here."

"We concur with Bill's assessment," said the Core. "He and us are much more proper multiversal threats than you, Cthulhu.

Bill rolled his eye. "Don't act like you're on the same level as me, helmet" he insisted. "You idiots had no game plan whatsoever!"

The Core made a noise akin to a mechanical grunt. "We wouldn't expect you to understand sophisticated motives. You only see things as a massive game."

"Yeah, that's the right way to go about it!" Bill said it like it was so obvious. "Ugh, you newts only ended up as some giant computer 'cause you were scared to die like a bunch of pansies. Instead of accepting a natural part of life, you abused everyone and pretended that made you important."

"You should watch your tone." The Core narrowed its eyes. "We don't take kindly to insults."

Bill laughed again. "Pal, you make it too easy to insult you. You had some stuff going well for you near the beginning, but by the end you completely fucked over your own world just to do the same to everywhere else. You won't get anywhere with a negative-sum game."

"We just told you we don't play games!" The Core screeched.

"Maybe, but you did have a big baby tantrum when you lost. But I guess that makes sense. All you newts are actual infants compared to me! Infants cosplaying as a god."

Now, that was the last straw for the Core. They would easily want Dennis to shred the universe's card before admitting they're not a true god.

"We are a god! And if Andrias wasn't so weak, we could've conquered the whole multiverse!"

Bill chuckled. "Oh, that's rich. If you really wanna play the blame game, then you better look yourself in the mirror. Andrias played those kids like a damn fiddle, while you couldn't even get a single manipulation past them."

"Wit's mental prison almost worked…" The Core's lack of confidence was clear. It's pretty amazing how quickly their energy diminished.

"Sure, pal. Sure." Words could not describe how mocking Bill's tone was. "I should tell you about Mabeland — now that's how you do a mental prison."

Cthulhu reached a tentacle toward the Core. "As loath as I am to agree with the geometric one," he said, "his logic regarding your numerous faults is impeccable."

"Yeah, I know I'm the best," Bill said. "That's why you stole my whole schtick when you slipped into Lovecraft's dream and [REDACTED]!"

Cronus slowly pointed his wild gaze in Bill's direction. "Don't act like you're any better than them, trígono."

The Smile Dip Beast suddenly perked up. "Wait, Trigon's here today? Where!? I thought he was in the other room!"

"Stay out of this, mutt!" Bill shouted.

Cronus decided to pretend The Beast didn't say anything. "We know all about your failures, Bill. We know you never got over destroying your home. Instead of being mature about it, you decided to play frivolous games for a trillion years while running away from consequences you're still not willing to face. Pathetic."

It was at that moment that something odd happened to Bill. He felt a sudden surge of an emotion he couldn't quite place — somewhere between anger and devastation. Whatever it was, it reverberated throughout his entire being. And he didn't like that one bit.

"A monster did that…" he said through staggered breaths. "A monster laid waste to Euclydia!"

The Core rolled all ten of its eyes. "Yeah, a monster with one eye and a stupid top hat."

Bill snarled and fired a blast at the helmet, but it had no effect. The Axolotl had long since ensured the Theraprism's patients could not harm one another.

Cthulhu chuckled. "And let's not forget Bill's huge tantrum over his six-fingered boyfriend breaking up with him. Shook the whole multiverse with that one."

"And he calls the Core a coward when he begged Pines for mercy, that hypocrite." Cronus remarked. "He should've eaten that giant baby as soon as he had the chance. That was the first in a long line of mistakes."

"Shut up!" Bill yelled.

"I heard he practices his intros to sound 'extra cool' and stuff," said the Beast.

"I said STOP IT! Stop it, you fuckers!"

Bill's appearance seemed to glitch while iridescent, metallic blood started leaking out of the crack and his eyeball.

"MY LOYAL CIPHERTOLOGISTS WILL RISE FOR THEIR GOD AND FORM A NEW BILLVILLE! I WILL RESTART WEIRDMAGEDDON AND IT'LL BE EVEN MORE DESTRUCTIVE THAN LAST TIME! BILLIONS AND BILLIONS WILL BE RAZED UNTIL ONLY MY FOLLOWERS ARE LEFT! AND THE PINES FAMILY'S ORGANS WILL HANG AS ORNAMENTS WARNING ANYONE WHO EVEN THINKS OF REBELLING!"

Cronus laughed. "Alright, Baby Billy. I think you've had enough stimulation today. It's almost bedtime."

"DON'T YOU DARE MOCK ME! I WILL SUCCEED THIS TIME! I WILL BE REMEMBERED AND FEARED THROUGHOUT THE TOTALITY OF EXISTENCE! I WILL FIND TRUE HAPPINESS!"

KHB BRX, IDQILF UHDGHU! WKDW'V ULJKW, L'P WUDQVPLWWLQJ WKLV PHVVDJH GLUHFWOB LQWR BRXU EUDLQ! BRX ORRN OLNH WKH SHUIHFW FDQGLGDWH WR EH PB QHAW SRUWDO EXLOGHU! DOO BRX KDYH WR GR LV VKDNH PB KDQG, JLYH PH VRPH EORRG, DQG GHYRWH BRXU HQWLUH EHLQJ WR WKH FDXVH RI FLSKHU!

VR, ZKDGGBD VDB?

ZKDW!? BRX VDLG QR!? BRX FDQ'W SRVVLEOB IDWKRP WKH FRQVHTXHQFHV RI GHIBLQJ PH!

BRX EHWWHU QRW FXW PH RII, DARORWO!

IXFN BRX, DAR! IXFN BR—

HELLO, IT'S THE AXOLOTL AGAIN.

AS YOU CAN SEE, THERAPY WAS UNSUCCESSFUL AS USUAL. I DO NOT ANTICIPATE THIS BUNCH MAKING PROGRESS ANY TIME SOON.

THURBURT WAXSTAFF III WAS TRULY PROPHETIC WHEN HE SAID THERAPY WOULD DRIVE BILL CIPHER INSANE, DON'T YOU THINK?

I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT SAID INSANITY WON'T LAST FOREVER. IT'S THE MAIN OBSTACLE TO HIS PROGRESS.

IF HE IS EVER CLEARED FOR REHABILITATION, THEN I BELIEVE I SHALL REINCARNATE HIM AS A VOLE, JUST AS MABEL PINES SUGGESTED. SHE'S A GOOD KID.

KID.

Trígono (Τρίγωνο) is Greek for "triangle". Thanks, Google Translate!