THE PINK HAIRED HOKAGE
"Well she was a Konoha girl/raised on Promis—" the sound of a dying clock meeting a wall is the first sign of life she gave all morning. "Damn clock, shut up", said Sakura's dry mouth. She'd smoked her mind the night before with sake and the papers she had to sign. Some local business owner had immediate plans for a shopping mall, which Sakura had to run her mouth about and say, "That sounds like a great idea. Just give me the papers and I'll get them back to you tomorrow, signed and ready for building to begin. This will be great for the village!". It was one of the few moments in her job that brought her joy, then she saw the papers. Stacks miles high hid her creaking desk. "Crap," she muttered, "What have I done?". "I'll get you some coffee," her assistant said, leaving her alone with the monster. Sakura didn't leave until the sun went to sleep and the moon began its midnight run.
In her bed, Sakura slowly lifted her head from the pillow. Carefully she got up, 'Don't let the floorboards creak,' she thought to herself. Squeak! "Son of a bi–". Her assistant burst through the door, "Good Morning Lady Hokage! I have your breakfast ready in your office." "Thank you Sato," Sakura told her. Sato left Sakura to her own devices for nearly a minute when she returned, "Lady Hokage you must hurry up. The stack of papers is growing!". "I'm hurrying," Sakura told Sato. 'That girl isn't as sweet as her name,' Sakura thought to herself. Sakura quickly prepared for her day and stepped across the hall into the Hokage's office to a monstrous stack of hungry papers.
Sakura sat down at her desk and began to eat and do her morning paperwork. "Why did I Accept this job?" she asked herself, "Was it the salesmanship? Kakashi sensei never told me how hard this job was. 'It'll be fine,' he said, 'all it is is sitting at a desk.' Maybe it was the drinking. I should have known that Lady Tsunade had ulterior motives when she asked me to drink with her. 'We're equals now,' Master said, 'we should go drinking together. Just you and me. It'll be fun'. I especially should've known there was something suspicious when Kakashi sensei barged in. I'd never seen him drink until that night. 'I'll race you Sakura,' he said, challenging me to a drinking contest. I never should have accepted. He downed three shots in the time it took me two. But, by the end of the night I was the one who was tipsy. Just as I was about to excuse myself and pay my tab, Tsunade and Kakashi cornered me. 'Do you want to be Hokage?' they asked in unison. 'What, no,' I told them, 'That's Naruto's dream not mine'. 'We tried Naruto,' Kakashi said, 'but he didn't want it'. 'Why didn't he want it?' I asked, 'That seems strange'. 'He said he's not ready for it or something,' Tsunade said, 'but he said that you'd be a great option. You should think about it, Sakura. Follow in my footsteps?'. 'I don't know,' I began, but Kakashi cut me off. 'It'll only be temporary, just for a few months.' 'I guess, if Naruto's ok with it…'. 'Perfect,' Tsunade said, 'your oath is in an hour'. I was too drunk at the time to notice the absurdity of the situation. Within the hour I was sworn in as Konoha's new Hokage." "That's super," said a shooken Sato, "Just don't tell the public that. They may think you're a drunk or something." Sato left soon after. 'How the hell did she get in here?'.
By lunch Sakura was fed up with the paperwork. "That's it!" she shouted, "Sato get in here!". Sato rushed in, "Yes Lady Hokage, how can I help you?". "I'm going to get lunch, do my paperwork". "Of course, I would love to help you in your huge problems," Sato answered, cracks forming at the edges of her mouth, "Take all the time you need". Sakura handed her pen to Sato and dashed out the door to the village streets.
'I need quick food,' Sakura thought, 'Before I'm noticed'. Sakura carefully walked through the village , trying to avoid any unwanted attention. At the edge of her vision she saw a little boy and his mother. "Mommy, that's the Hokage!", the boy points, "She's a drunk!". "Don't point Enmu," his mother said, ignoring the drunk comment. 'She must think I'm a drunk too,' Sakura thought, 'How did that rumor even spread? I might have to have a conversation with the bartender, or did Sato start this?'. Reluctantly, Sakura moved to the village's rooftops to avoid any other unwanted interactions.
As Sakura was beginning to give up, she saw a ramen stall in the distance and sitting in it, two familiar blondes. Sakura began her one last rush, using her last bit of energy to jump from her place on the rooftops to in front of the stand. Her legs gave out as she hit the ground, but a familiar face caught her before the rest hit the floor. For now she was safe in one of the friendliest places in the village. She was at home in Ichiraku Ramen.
"Oi, Sakura-chan, are you ok?" the male blond asked. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks, Naruto". He helped her onto a stool as Teuchi began to prepare her ramen. "Hey Sakura," Ino said, "I haven't seen you in ages!". "Ughh, paper work, Hokage, damn Kakashi," muttered a slouching Sakura. "Are you ok?" Ino asked. Sakura gave no reply until she got her food. Sakura slurped down the first bowl, "Hi Ino, Naruto!" she said Joyfully, "I'm glad to see you two!".
The trio talked joyfully for several minutes, mostly trivial stuff, "How is work", "What have you been up to?", "Seeing anyone", all questions for Sakura, until she asked one of her own. "Please become Hokage, Naruto. I'm begging you!".
"What no, Sakura. I don't want to be Hokage!" Naruto yelled. "Why not?" Sakura tried, "Wasn't it your dream? Haven't you been talking about it since the academy?". "Well, yeah." "Then why don't you want to be Hokage?" Sakura questioned. "Well," Naruto began, "I don't need to anymore". "Don't need to anymore?". "Yeah, I got all I wanted. The villagers acknowledge and like me, I have a girlfriend, and I have a successful business. I got all I wanted, maybe not in the way I thought I would, but I wouldn't change anything!".
Sakura thought for a minute. "So," she began, "you're going to give up on being Hokage?". "Being Hokage was just a means to an end, I see that now," Naruto said, "Now, if you want help with the paperwork just use clones. That's what Kakashi used to get rid of all his paperwork. Four clones could get through a day's worth of paperwork in a few hours while he walked around the village. He even had one clone sit in his desk for him!". "Oi, Lady Hokage," an irritating voice could be heard through the curtain. "I'm sorry," Sakura said, "but I have to go now before Sato starts ruining my reputation even more with her rumors". Sakura got up to leave when Ino stopped her. "Come to the flower shop after work," Ino said, "We can catch up more then". "Right," Sakura smiled. This was a truly wonderful midday intermission.
The rest of Sakura's day went swimmingly until the monster showed its true fangs. Deep under the piles of endless paper Sakura found countless letters from angry villagers. "Our Hokage is useless. Resign bitch. I hate you. Make Naruto Hokage. You're the reason Sasuke left. FUCK YOU YOU STUPID HOE!", were some of the more aggressive examples. Still though, countless more letters about her ineptitude were covering her desk. "Who wrote such awful letters," she said when out of the corner of her eye she saw her office door crack. "Who's there?", she shouted to the sound of fast paced steps. She chased after them.
"Get back here Sato!" Sakura yelled as she got to the end of the hall and entered into the world, "Where the hell is my assistant?". Sato was running directly away, holding a giant stack of papers. "Ha!" Sakura taunted, "I see you Sato!". Sakura's vicious chase after her assistant continued into the village streets.
Sakura caught her assistant in the court square, "Give me my papers Sato!". Sakura placed her hand on the papers. "No," Sato yelled, pulling the papers back, "These aren't yours". Without effort Sakura overpowered her assistant. She looked at the papers, "Hokage is a bitch, KYS, ect". Letters of that kind were all Sato had. 'What the hell,' Sakura thought, 'The people must really hate me! Wait a minute…' Sakura looked at her hand, they were stained blue. "Sato," Sakura commanded, "Why did you write these letters?".
"Lady Hokage," Sato stuttered, "I can explain. It was Naruto, Yeah Naruto. He did this. You should go beat him up". "This is clearly your handwriting, Sato," Sakura said, "Why?". "I hate you!" screamed Sato, "You never should have been Hokage! You couldn't even save my husband!". "Sato I'm sorry, I—". "Damn you!" the angry wife shouted as she drew her kunai and lunged at the Hokage.
Sato lay in the village streets, clinging to that memory. "It'll be fine," he said, "I'll be back in a week". He returned within the week, as he promised. "Let me see him!" Sato demanded, "Let me see my husband! What's that sound?! Is he ok?!" "Ma'am please don't barge in, our doctor studied under the Hokage. She's a wonderful medic". Sato would always remember that pink haired woman. "Damn you, Haruno." were her last words, her last thoughts though were of her love, 'I'll see you soon, Hanzo'.
Hours later, after all of the additional paperwork that Sato brought on was finished, Sakura set out for Ino's residence. It was a two story building with a store on the bottom floor and living space above. Sakura opening the front door alerted the man at the cashier, "Oh, hey Sakura. I almost forgot you were coming by today!". "Hi Naruto," she said, "Is Ino here?". "Yeah, she's upstairs. I'll go get her". Naruto disappeared into the back of the store leaving Sakura to her thoughts. 'Who would've thought Naruto and Ino. Wow. They've got a nice place here. I wish I could have something like this. Not have to worry about being Hokage and signing papers, just living'.
"Hey forehead!" she heard Ino shout, breaking her out of thoughts. "Hey Ino-pig". "Hey, Ino," Naruto called, "I'm going to go out back and prune the bushes. It was good to see you Sakura". "Good to see you too".
"How do you do it?" Sakura asked her friend. "How do I do what?" responded Ino. "How do you live so easily? I've never even seen you concerned for months now." "You just need to let go, relax. I know that's hard as Hokage, but you definitely need to let loose." "Last time I did that I got this hat." "Ok, maybe don't let loose that much, but have some fun every so often. How about Saturday? The rest of the Konoha 11 are meeting at Yakiniku Q. We'd all love it if you'd come with us." "I'd like that. It's so hard though with work," Sakura said, "I can't even make enough clones to make a dent in paperwork". "I bet Naruto can teach you," Ino said, "he's great with clones". "Yeah, but can he teach it? I always thought that it was natural to him." "Maybe," Ino said, "but if you looked at him you'd never think he was an avid gardener, but he runs a successful business of it. With my help of course. I bet he'd be a great teacher if he put his heart into it." "Yeah," Sakura said, "I just completely underestimated Naruto. Dammit, I thought I knew not to do that". Ino laughed at her friends slip up. The two talked for the rest of the night, catching up on all the time they missed and planned new meetings. "Sorry Ino," Sakura said at the door, "but I have to go. I'll come by tomorrow after work for help with my shadow clones, Naruto." "Goodbye," Naruto said. "See you then," said Ino. Sakura bowed and left. She had a big day ahead of her and needed her sleep. Maybe being Hokage wouldn't be so hard after all.
All credit to this idea comes from u/MedicineUnlucky3871 on reddit. I thought the idea was wonderful and had to try it. MedicineUnlucky also has tons of other good ideas if you want to check them out.
Original post: r/NarutoFanfiction/comments/1evomu8/crackfic_idea_naruto_doesnt_become_hokage_sakura/
MedecineUnlucky: user/MedicineUnlucky3871/