A few weeks past. By the end of the second week, we had moved Elise onto formula. This wasn't an issue with her latching or drinking; it was an issue with me and my hatred of it.

Hotch was back to work next week but he was unsure if he was ready or if he wanted to take a few more weeks. He was in love with his little girl. I, however, was struggling to develop a bond with the baby. She still cried when I held her and frankly, I wasn't too keen on holding her anymore anyway.

Hotch had tried to talk to me a few times over the last couple of weeks about how I was feeling and adjusting. I always just said I was fine.

Today, he decided to try again. Again, I told him I was fine. That was not a good enough answer for him this time. "You're not fine, Emily. You are irritable, you don't want either of the kids around, you're not eating, you're not sleeping…"

"I'm adjusting." I retorted.

"No, you're not." He shook his head. We both looked towards the doorway when we heard Elise begin crying again from the next room. "Why don't you go get her, and I'll make up a bottle."

"I'll make it." I turned around and went across to the other side of the kitchen. He huffed but left the room without argument. I gave him the bottle and sat down across from him. I turned the TV on a low volume and looked at the screen, but I wasn't really watching. I felt him looking at me and looked back, "What?"

"What are you going to do next week when I go back to work?"

"…I don't understand the question."

"Would you prefer I stay here, and you go back to work?" I could tell that it was the last thing he wanted to do; he loved his job too much for that.

"I can take care of her."

"But you're not." He said quickly, looking me in the eye. "Emily, you are not the kind of woman who will let me do all the work just because I'm here. You are struggling with what I think is postnatal depression, and you aren't responding to her the way you need to, to care for her. I can't go back to work with you like this."

I stood up and grabbed my keys. "I'll be back soon." I mumbled as I made my way to the front door. I opened it and jumped slightly when I found JJ and Garcia on the other side.

"Hey." Garcia smiled.

"Sorry, we shouldn't have come over unannounced…but I can't ask you if you don't return my calls or texts."

"You can ask Hotch." I said before walking past them. I left the door open for them and went to my car. They watched me get into my car before they looked at each other and went inside.

I drove around for about twenty minutes before I made my way back home. I parked in the garage and sat in the car for a few minutes to try and rid the obvious tears in my eyes and on my cheeks. I saw JJ's car out the front, so they were still here.

I made my way inside quietly and grabbed a bottle of water before sitting down in the living room. "Dave called while you were out to ask when a good time to visit would be. He and the other two will be here soon."

"I told you—"

"And I told you that I wasn't going to let you cut them all out of our lives." He cut me off. "Because clearly, Emily, you can't do it alone." I was about to burst, so I stood and headed upstairs quickly. As I ascended the stairs, I heard JJ scold him lightly with just his name. I cried in bed for about ten minutes before I heard his footsteps coming upstairs. I took a deep breath and tried to stop the tears. He came into the room quietly and sat down next to me, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. That wasn't true; you can do this. You can do anything."

I shook my head, "No, you're right; I can't. She doesn't like me, I don't think I like her. I want to, Aaron. I want to be her mum and love her but I just can't. I'll go back to work."

"If you want to stay home and be her primary caregiver, then that's what you're going to do. You just need some help. While you were out, I called and booked you and Elise both in with the doctor. I'll come with you; we'll find out why she is so unsettled, and we'll see what we can do about your postnatal depression."

"There is nothing wrong with her; she's fine with everyone else."

"Okay, so she's feeding off your energy."

"They'll want to medicate me. I can't be medicated if I want to go back to work in a few months."

"We're still going, and we're going to make this better."

The doctor had put me on medication. I took it reluctantly. I didn't want to – mostly because of work – but I figured it was more important that I can care for my own daughter than it was to go back to work. Hotch was back at work now; I had been on my own for two weeks with her. So far it had been okay. When she cried, I responded. My biggest challenge was stimulating her during her alert times.

Today, it was all a challenge. I didn't want to get out of bed or do anything. I couldn't calm her again. Eventually, I put her in the car and made the drive to Quantico with her crying the entire time. I got signed in and went up with her in her capsule. I went to walk right past Reid and Morgan before Reid's words stopped me, "He's in a meeting upstairs."

I looked at him, "Rossi?"

"Same meeting."

I groaned and looked down at her helplessly.

"Here." Morgan said as he stood and walked the few steps over to take her out of the carrier. I was angry with the way he calmed her in minutes. He smiled sympathetically at me, "She feeds off your emotions, remember? How are you feeling?"

I looked at him more pointedly for a second before looking at Reid who was watching me, awaiting an answer. I dropped my shoulders, "He told you guys as well?"

"You might need our help. He wanted to make sure we were all aware in case you needed us. He has Garcia on standby for when we're away on cases." Reid explained.

I sighed and looked down.

"Why don't you go see Garcia in her office for a little while." Morgan suggested.

"Is JJ in there?" I noticed she wasn't at her desk or in the breakroom.

"I think so. Why?"

"I'm okay here." I sat down at Morgan's desk. My old desk had a bag and a few personal effects on it. I looked at them and then back to Morgan. "New agent?"

"Alex Blake. Her first day is today; she's downstairs getting some things sorted out. I think you'd like her."

"Aaron didn't tell me someone was joining."

"I think you've had enough on your plate to worry about losing your spot in our family. Just because you don't work with us, doesn't mean we don't all love you and consider you family." He assured quietly.

I didn't reply to him but I smiled gratefully. I spun around and saw the file open on Morgan's desk. "When were you in Houston?" I asked.

"Last week."

"…Hotch wasn't travelling last week." I looked back at him. Before he had a chance to respond, we both noticed Hotch approaching us with Rossi a step behind him. I stood up and he kissed my cheek before looking at Elise. "Why didn't you go to Houston last week?" I questioned.

"For the same reason you're here today." He said quietly, obviously guessing that I wasn't coping too well today.

I looked down, "I'm sorry."

A day following my visit to the BAU yesterday, Hotch was called in early for a case over in North Dakota. He asked me to be honest and tell him if I needed him to stay local. I assured him he could go and reminded him that he had already filled Garcia in.

This was the first morning that I needed to prep Jack and take him to school whilst also caring for Elise. I got up when Hotch left and showered quickly. I returned to the room when I heard her waking and starting to cry. I took her downstairs and made her a bottle. Before I gave it to her, I prepped Jack's breakfast. I could hear him running around in his room upstairs.

It wasn't all that hard considering Jack could do all the necessary things to prepare for his day on his own now. Elise was calm which was nice and surprising.

Once Jack was dropped off to school, I decided to text Garcia and see if she was done briefing the team yet. She called me in response, "Is everything okay? What do you need?"

"I don't need anything. If you're done briefing and don't have too much to do right now whilst they're travelling, do you want to get some coffee with me?"

"I sure do. Now?"

I smiled, "I'll meet you at the café around the corner from the precinct in 30 minutes?"

"Deal." I could hear her happy smile in her voice.

I drove to the café and got the pram out of the back of the car. Elise was asleep and looked like an angel. I made sure to tuck a blanket around her and then headed inside. Garcia was already in there and grabbing two coffees from the service counter.

"Just the way you like it." She handed it to me as I sat down at an empty table. She gushed over Elise for a few moments before sitting across from me. "How's everything going with the angel?"

"Better, I think. The doctor gave Hotch a few tips in getting me to calm down and talk about stuff and I think it's helping. I go to the therapist on Friday."

"And how are things between you and Hotch?"

"…Fine?"

"It doesn't seem fine. You seem to be less than pleased with each other lately."

"Oh, I was just mad at him for calling me out and he was mad at me for not seeing what was happening. We're fine."

We talked for about half an hour before she said she needed to go back to work. I thanked her for catching up with me and then made my way back to the car.

As soon as we were back home Elise was due for another bottle, and then she went straight to sleep.

I went into my office and sat down. I tried to read for a while but I wasn't in the mood. I gave into the temptation soon enough and went into Hotch's office. I felt awful for snooping, but Garcia was right. He wasn't happy with me and it seemed to be about more than the postnatal depression; he didn't usually react so hostile when my mental health was in question.

I went through a few things before I saw the locked drawer. The lock was an addition; it hadn't come like that. It bothered me. I looked around for about half an hour through the house looking for a key small enough before I concluded that it was with him.

That bothered me even more.